Future Shock
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Good thing I noticed that.
Planet Express stockholders.
I present our chief executive officer, Professor Hubert Farnsworth.
- There he is! - Take it off!
- Where am I? - Move forward! Walk into the light!
Oh, God! I'm dead! Well, no matter.
Thank you all for coming.
I don't recognize any of you, nor can I recall why I am here.
Without further ado...
...a film highlighting Planet Express, Inc.'s latest fiscal year.
Planet Express is on the move!
For this hip, young delivery company, tomorrow is today...
... and today is yesterday! You heard me.
It was a year of soaring profits and significant one-time losses.
Watching myself work makes me hungry. Help me find food.
I'll not only find it, I'll help you do more to it.
A Bot-Mitzvah! Shalom, hunger. Shalom, free food.
No shellfish!
- That is so unfair. - Tell me about it.
So you guys don't believe in Robot-Jesus?
He was built and was well-programmed, but he wasn't our messiah.
And so, our company flames onwards.
Planet Express: limitless potential, boundless horizons!
The unstoppable juggernaut of the corporate universe!
It's been a terrible year. The company is on the verge of bankruptcy.
- But the movie... - A substantial loss for the company.
The blue pie slice represents the money we earned.
The green slice represents an $8 bank error in our favor.
What about our thousands of shares of stock?
- Worthless. - I'll kill you!
I own one share of Planet kajiggers, so I'm entitled to some answers.
Question: Why does no one visit me in my home?
Your apartment smells like Polygrip and cat pee!
This is perfect for me!
Do you have to have been cryogenically frozen to get the free...?
You didn't let me finish! I was going to say "free food"!
- My name's Joe and I'm a defrostee. - Hello, Joe!
When I was frozen, carrots ruled the earth.
But now they don't. It takes some getting used to.
In the 1 980s, I was the toast of Wall Street.
I had whiskey with Boesky, cookies with Milken.
But then, I was diagnosed with terminal bone-itis.
Bone-itis? That's a funny name for a horrible disease.
There was no cure. One drug company was close...
...but I arranged a hostile takeover and sold its assets. Made 1 00 mil.
I froze myself until a cure was found.
And now here I am, ready to sleaze my way back to the top, '80s style!
As a caveman frozen in a glacier, I face many challenges.
The hardest thing was seeing my wife on display in the British Museum.
I'm from your time. Remember that song, "Safety Dance"?
Sure do.
That dance wasn't that safe.
I tell you, two go-go '80s Reaganauts like us could rule this world!
- Right. - lf only someone would give us a shot.
They're scared of us. But if you want a job, I could beg my company.
Awesome. Awesome to the max!
And finally, the post office meter is for business mail only.
Come on! I've got a lot of ransom notes to send!
Enough talk! Time for action!
I move that everyone comes over...
...to snuggle my cat! - Second.
- I move your cat stinks and is ugly! - Second.
I move that we vote on a new CEO and oust this old creep!
- And my cat smells good and is pretty. - Second.
- Very well. I nominate the Professor! - Second!
- I'm your man! - I vote my shares for the Professor.
- The Professor! - Me!
I nominate that guy.
Because he knows about business and stuff and has a tie.
Shares still count if they were washed, right?
If I know anything about which number is bigger...
Hold on! Scruffy votes his 40,000 shares for the stranger.
You have four times as much stock as the rest of us?
Scruffy believes in this company.
It's a tie. In the event of a tie, the Professor, as current CEO, remains...
I demand the floor! I may only have one share, but I get to vote too!
And I'm voting against the cat-hater! Isn't that right, kitty?
Hey! You ate my change!
It's settled. The new chief executive officer of Planet Express is...
..."That Guy"!
Please welcome our new chief executive officer, That Guy!
There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks.
Anyone who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep?
Excuse me, which one do people like to hug?
Gutsy question. You're a shark. Sharks don't look back...
...because they don't have necks. Necks are for sheep.
I'm proud to shepherd this herd of sharks...
...and I am gonna lead you to the top in this industry of...
- Package delivery. - Package delivery?! Oh, God!
Fantastic! The first order of business, blame everything on the guy before me.
- Professor? - I'll ruin you like I did this company!
Terrific. Question number one: What was your overall business plan?
Business plan? Yes. I keep it here, right next to my heart.
This is no business plan, it's an escape plan.
So long, suckers!
Fry, as a fellow '80s dollar jockey, I'm making you my new vice chairman.
I'm rolling up the corporate ramp!
- It's the end! - We're ruined!
What fevered dream is this that bids to tear this company in twain?
Thank you. Come again.
That's what I call a hostile makeover. Hair gel?
No, thanks. I make my own.
We'll shoot straight to the top and stay there, like Cindy Lauper!
I ask you, who is the number one delivery service on earth?
- Is it Planet Express, master? - Is this guy a shark or what?
Seriously, we stink. Here's the big enchirito.
Mom's Friendly Delivery Company.
We can't compete! Her company is big and evil. We're small and neutral.
Switzerland is small and neutral. We're Germany, ambitious and misunderstood.
Everyone wants to be like Germany. Do we have the strength of will?
I say we do! Will we let ourselves get beaten by an old lady?
Yes, my liege.
No! I speak for the entire board when I issue this challenge to Mom!
Look at my butt!
You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit the retaliate button!
- Let's see... - Any button! They all retaliate!
Yeah! Hit him, hit him, hit him!
This is the high life! Watching apes kill each other.
In my day, we had coke parties, but the principle's the same.
Get your stinking trike off me, you damn, dirty ape!
Now that you're my protégé...
...it's time I cut you in on the secret to success. Any guesses?
- Work really hard? - No.
- Oh, thank God! - It's all about appearances.
It's time to update our company's image...
...and give it the sleek, dazzling veneer of the 1 980s!
This company's on the fast track to the It List. Kudos!
We haven't made one delivery since you two took over.
Delivery has nothing to do with our business.
Image, people! Scope out this new ad!
We are all one. One mind. One purpose. One act.
Our enemy shall be eaten by scorpions.
And we shall bow down and worship to ourselves.
We shall prevail!
Hey, we were watching that!
Terrible! People won't know what we do.
I don't know what we do. Just kidding. What are we, a bus or something?
- Did you approve that awful ad, Fry? - I did...
...and I'll tell you why. It grows the brand.
Oh, Lord.
This company's circling the drain! I'd sell my stock for a sandwich.
Sold!
A complete sandwich!
You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.
What is this moose drip?
"The New Delivery Kings"? I'm sick of hearing about those turtle squirts!
- But they're kings, Mommy. - Jam a bastard in it, you crap!
Our private dining room. This is where we serve our most successful chumps.
Tonight, that's us.
- What's overpriced? - Everything.
- Bring me that. - Me too. And a glass of water.
Okay, let's work on your execu-speak. I'm worried about "blank."
Don't worry. Let me worry about "blank."
Good. I also would have accepted: "Blank? Blank!
You're not looking at the big picture!"
What a pleasant surprise.
Shut up, booger-blaster! It's time we all talk.
I'll handle this, Fry. You get back to the farm, shift some paradigms.
I'm on it. But if you need me, you know where I'll be.
Call me a booger-blaster! I'll blast a booger...
- We're worried about Planet Express. - Don't. Let me worry about "blank."
That Guy is a con man, and you've been hypnotized by his bologna!
- You've changed, Fry. - What? I haven't changed.
- Suz, have I changed? - No, Mr. Fry.
Thanks, doll.
I don't care. That Guy's turning this place into some kind of business.
This isn't a business! I thought of it...
...as a source of cheap labor. Like a family.
Right. We're not a traditional family like the Murphys...
...or the lesbian coven, but we're a family. That Guy understands that.
Everyone's fired, and we're out of business.
I'm selling Planet Express to Mom. She'll gut the company, eliminate us.
Don 't let the door hit you on the way out.
I don 't want ass prints on my new door!
Ms. Johnson, please bring in some more chair fuel.
I had no idea the company would be sold! I was just an innocent suck-up!
Leave us alone and let us clear out our lockers.
It's so sad! Where will I go? What will I do?
You have Mrs. Darlinghaven's cotillion at 7, ma'am.
That'll be fun.
Ms. Johnson, you've never lied to me. Am I a good person?
I don 't know. I'm a program in the intercom.
I've got to redeem myself! Somehow, sometime...
...for some reason, I'll block this takeover!
Mr. Fry, your 2:00 magician is here.
I have more important things to do today than laugh and clap my hands.
Reschedule.
- Sell 1 00 soylent beans! - Buy 3000 corn bellies!
- Two hundred cans of Whoop-Ass! - Three bags of trash!
Attention. The takeover of PlanEx by Mom's Delivery Company...
...will take place in 1 0 minutes.
I am Jorell, master of scheduling!
Okay. We've got the hot tub hot, the wine coolers cool. It's Hammer time!
You suck!
By regulation, both companies must approve the takeover.
Planet Express shareholders, please vote.
Great Bonda of Uganda! We can vote against it!
I'll vote it down like a raise for school teachers!
The shares I bought from Dr. Zoidberg gave me majority control.
Zoidberg owned 51% of the company?
The shares were worthless! He asked for toilet paper!
And now if MomCorp shareholders will cast their ballots.
The ballot was confusing!
- How about a hand re-count? - Okay.
The takeover of Planet Express is approved!
- This stinks! - Madame is outraged!
Security! I want that bunch of rowdies out of here!
Wait a minute! Hold on!
MomCorp will purchase all shares of Planet Express...
...at the current market price, which is...
One hundred seven!
- And also it hurt my feelings! - What are you solids griping about?
Your shares are worth $ 1 07 apiece.
I'm a millionaire! Suddenly I have an opinion about the capital gains tax!
- I'm even richer! - I have no shares!
Wait! My sandwich! Has it also appreciated in value? Please!
- You didn't refrigerate it, spineless! - You had to drag spines into this!
As vice chairman, I'd like to say a few words.
A time comes for every man that deserts his friends...
... when he goes back how it was. For me, that time is now.
So I ask you, as a friend, stop this deal.
I'm an '80s guy. Friendship means for $2...
...I beat you till you got detached retinas. The deal will go ahead as...
My bones!
Oh, my God! His bone-itis!
I was so busy being an '80s guy, I forgot to cure it!
My only regret is...
...that I have...
...bone-itis!
He's dead!
Feed him to the jackals! Go on with the sale!
I don't think so! As vice chairman, I gain voting control of his shares.
- Don't be a fool! - I'll be whatever I want to do!
That Guy was the greatest businessman ever.
Before his death, he taught me everything he knew.
But some things I had to learn myself.
I learned money is fine, but what counts is people.
You can't put a price on that.
So I'm giving control of the company to a man of experience...
...Professor Hubert Farnsworth!
What? I'm awake! I'm awake!
Stop doing the right thing, jerk!
- Let Mom buy it! We want to be rich! - Two out of three doesn't cut it.
You'd rather be rich than work together?
Hell, yeah!
This company was the only place I ever really felt at home.
If being millionaires is more important than friendship...
...then I'll sell Planet Express, for you.
Millionaires nothing! The stock's only worth three kajiggers!
Come on!
It's worth less now than when it was worthless!
It is? We're poor no matter what I do! The deal is off!
Once again, the conservative sandwich-heavy portfolio...
...pays off for the hungry investor!
Oh, I'm ruined!
Why? Why?
So we're not millionaires. But we still get to work together.
Shut your fat mouth!
See you guys Monday!
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