1
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Crimes of the Hot

2
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Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com

3
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Hurry up with the water.
I'm steaming inside my own shell, I am.

4
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It's that hot, it is.

5
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Man, it's hot. How hot is it?

6
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It's so hot, I poured McDonald's
coffee in my lap to cool off.

7
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[CHUCKLING]

8
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Johnny Carson said it.

9
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[PANTING]

10
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No, Nibbler! Don't drink the pool water!
It's full of chlorine.

11
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[GROANING]

12
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[BURPING]

13
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[COUGHING]

14
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[LAUGHING]

15
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Lightweights.
Oh, wait, chlorine.

16
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[SIGHING]

17
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Perhaps this movie will help
take our minds off the heat.

18
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BENDER:
Focus!

19
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ANNOUNCER: Global Warming
or: None Like It Hot!

20
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[SOBBING]

21
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You're probably wondering
why your ice cream went away.

22
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Well, Suzie, the culprit isn't foreigners.
It's global warming.

23
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-Gwobal wap-po?
-Yeah.

24
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Meet Mr. Sunbeam. He comes
all the way from the sun to visit Earth.

25
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Hello, Earth.
Just popping in to brighten your day.

26
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La-la-la-la-la-la-la.

27
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And now I'll be on my way.

28
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Not so fast, sunbeam.
We're greenhouse gases.

29
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You ain't going nowhere.

30
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[SCREAMING]

31
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Oh, God, it hurts!

32
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ANNOUNCER: Pretty soon, Earth is
chock-full of sunbeams...

33
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... their rotting corpses
heating our atmosphere.

34
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[CHUCKLING]

35
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How do we get rid
of the greenhouse gases?

36
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Fortunately, our handsomest
politicians came up with a cheap. . .

37
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. . .Iast-minute way
to combat global warming.

38
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Ever since 2063,
we simply drop a giant ice cube. . .

39
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. . .into the ocean every now and then.

40
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Just like Daddy puts
in his drink every morning.

41
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And then he gets mad.

42
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Of course, since the greenhouse
gases are still building up. . .

43
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. . .it takes more and more ice
each time.

44
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Thus, solving the problem
once and for all.

45
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-But--
-Once and for all!

46
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Well, we just need one
of those big ice cubes.

47
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Call the losers
who were supposed to deliver it.

48
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[PHONE RINGS]

49
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-Hello?
-President Nixon here.

50
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I'm hiring you losers to deliver
the ice. And hurry up.

51
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I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover
trying to squeeze into a new girdle.

52
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You heard the good news, everyone.
Save the Earth, et cetera, et cetera. Bye.

53
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-Wait. Where do we get the ice?
-The what?

54
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Oh, Halley's comet, of course.

55
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The only sufficient source of ice cubes
that don't have bugs in them.

56
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Wow. Mining a comet.
That sounds fun.

57
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Yes. There's no safer occupation
than mining.

58
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Especially when you're perched
on a snowball. . .

59
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. . .whipping through space
at a million miles an hour.

60
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Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

61
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Safe.

62
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Deploying ice drill.

63
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Wow. That ice dispenser's so big
the ice crushes you.

64
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-Yakov Smirnoff said it.
-No, he didn't.

65
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Activating ice drill.

66
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Oh, my God! It's out of ice!
Like some outer-space Motel 6.

67
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Completely out of ice?

68
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This could mean the end of the banana
daiquiri as we know it.

69
00:05:01,013 --> 00:05:02,571
Also life.

70
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With Halley's comet out of ice...

71
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...Earth is experiencing the devastating
effects of intense global warming.

72
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Morbo is pleased but sticky.

73
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The scorching heat has melted
the polar icecaps...

74
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...causing floods of biblical proportion.

75
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They called me crazy
for building this ark.

76
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You are crazy. You filled it
with same-sex animal couples.

77
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Hey! There are parts of the Bible
I like and parts I don't like.

78
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MORBO: Direct your pity now
to the African turtles...

79
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...seen here migrating
to cooler homes in Holland.

80
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That poor turtle.

81
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-Bender, are you crying?
-No. Never.

82
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Morbo wishes these stalwart nomads
peace amongst the Dutch tulips.

83
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I'm sure those windmills
will keep them cool.

84
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Windmills do not work that way!
Good night!

85
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Well, everybody, I just saved a turtle.
What have you done with your lives?

86
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You went all the way
to Holland already?

87
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Bender, a turtle isn't yourself.
Why do you care about it?

88
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Because I also care deeply
about things that remind me of myself.

89
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Like poor little Shelly here.

90
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What could you possibly have in common
with this walking soup mix?

91
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For one thing, we both
have a tough outer shell.

92
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But lead a rich, inner life.
And also. . .

93
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. . .well, you know.

94
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You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering,
chain-smoking gamblers?

95
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No. It's just. . .

96
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. . .neither of us can get up
when we get knocked on our back.

97
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What? I've seen you get up
off your back tons of times.

98
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-Those times I was slightly on my side.
-Interesting.

99
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Maybe we should test this erectile
dysfunction of yours, Bender.

100
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No, that's not necessary, really.
I think I hear my factory recalling me.

101
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That's what I get for sharing
my vulnerability with you.

102
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MAN OVER SPEAKER:
Calling all scientists.

103
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There will be a worldwide conference
on global warming in Kyoto, Japan.

104
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I've got a degree
in homeopathic medicine.

105
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You've got a degree in baloney.

106
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-Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist.
-Forget it. I'm not going.

107
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I have my reasons.
Shut up, all of you!

108
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Strange.

109
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You haven't acted this suspicious since I
found the "ape bones" in the basement.

110
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My hip hurts. I'm in the middle
of cooking a turkey.

111
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I have warranty cards to fill out.
I am not just making excuses.

112
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All right, I'll go!

113
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WOMAN: I can't believe it!
I love you!

114
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It's Professor Hubert Farnsworth!

115
00:08:08,893 --> 00:08:12,408
He's looking sharp in a standard
white lab coat and dark slacks.

116
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His wristwatch is a Casio.

117
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Thank you all for coming.

118
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It is my pleasure to introduce the host of
the Kyoto Global Warming Convention.

119
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The inventor of the environment
and first emperor of the moon, AI Gore.

120
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I have ridden the mighty moon worm.

121
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[CHEERING]

122
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Good for him.

123
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My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss
in my book, Earth in the Balance. . .

124
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. . .and the much more popular
Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth. . .

125
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. . .we need to defend our planet against
pollution, as well as dark wizards.

126
00:08:49,693 --> 00:08:52,127
Sure, blame the wizards.

127
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That's why I'm offering
a bag of moon sapphires. . .

128
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. . .to the first scientist who can solve
this problem once and for all.

129
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CROWD:
Ah. . . . Ooh. . . .

130
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-Lovely, aren't they?
-Sapphires?

131
00:09:04,773 --> 00:09:07,810
With those, I could open
the gate of Girash.

132
00:09:07,973 --> 00:09:10,692
First up is Professor Ogden Wornstrum.

133
00:09:12,253 --> 00:09:13,925
Wornstrum!

134
00:09:14,693 --> 00:09:15,682
[CLEARS THROAT]

135
00:09:15,893 --> 00:09:19,886
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have placed in orbit a giant mirror. . .

136
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. . .that will reflect 40 percent of the
sun's rays, thus cooling Earth. Observe.

137
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[SIGHING]

138
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Problem solved.

139
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[CHUCKLING]

140
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[GASPING]

141
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That's a little bright.

142
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[SCREAMING]

143
00:10:05,813 --> 00:10:07,883
All right. What else we got?

144
00:10:08,053 --> 00:10:10,692
Professor, you're a professor.
You must have some ideas.

145
00:10:10,853 --> 00:10:15,244
Absolutely not! I won't speak.
I've got nothing to hide.

146
00:10:15,413 --> 00:10:18,883
-Our next speaker is Professor--
-I demand the floor!

147
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:24,923
-Yes, it's your turn to speak.
-Well, nuts to me. I'm taking the stage.

148
00:10:26,173 --> 00:10:29,131
I know the source
of the greenhouse gases. . .

149
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. . .but in my shame, I've kept it
secret for 75 long years.

150
00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:39,003
Oh, it haunts my memory still.

151
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,923
-Professor, no! Don't do it!
-Don't do what?

152
00:10:42,093 --> 00:10:46,644
Don't use this memory ray so I can
remember what happened back then?

153
00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:53,409
It was October 1 7 at 1 :54 p.m.
and 1 4 birds were flying by the window.

154
00:10:53,573 --> 00:10:56,690
I was working at Mom 's
Friendly Robot Company.

155
00:10:56,853 --> 00:11:02,610
Back then, robots were slow-moving,
stiff and a little on the uptight side.

156
00:11:02,773 --> 00:11:07,483
Oh, dear, might I favor master
with a tender kiss on the forehead?

157
00:11:07,653 --> 00:11:11,009
Oh, I've failed again.

158
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:14,891
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

159
00:11:15,893 --> 00:11:19,090
FARNSWORTH: The company's owner
pressured me to create a sportier robot.

160
00:11:21,413 --> 00:11:22,926
Stop!

161
00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:29,049
It wasn 't easy. But by sacrificing
fuel efficiency, I succeeded.

162
00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:33,449
-What was that?
-A flaming burp.

163
00:11:33,613 --> 00:11:36,764
-Does it always do that?
-It's not always a burp.

164
00:11:36,933 --> 00:11:39,083
We still have one problem, though.

165
00:11:39,253 --> 00:11:41,972
This robot would never meet
emission standards.

166
00:11:42,133 --> 00:11:43,452
Crap spackle!

167
00:11:43,613 --> 00:11:47,572
We'll just call it a sport utility robot
and classify it as a light truck.

168
00:11:47,733 --> 00:11:49,086
Well. . .

169
00:11:49,253 --> 00:11:52,962
. . .I suppose the environment
can take one more for the team.

170
00:11:53,133 --> 00:11:54,885
What a fool I was!

171
00:11:55,053 --> 00:11:59,092
If only I had made the effort
to develop a cleaner-burning robot...

172
00:11:59,253 --> 00:12:01,687
...but I was tired and in love.

173
00:12:01,853 --> 00:12:04,162
Take me now, you stud.

174
00:12:06,373 --> 00:12:08,204
[YAWNS]

175
00:12:10,893 --> 00:12:13,282
Oh, this is all my fault!

176
00:12:13,453 --> 00:12:16,445
That's awful, professor.
Especially the making-out part.

177
00:12:16,613 --> 00:12:18,843
Yeah, I didn't need to hear that.

178
00:12:19,013 --> 00:12:23,848
All modern robots descend from
my original smog-blasting designs. . .

179
00:12:24,013 --> 00:12:27,005
. . .and that's the cause
of global warming today.

180
00:12:27,173 --> 00:12:31,689
So the robots are to blame,
as I suspected.

181
00:12:31,853 --> 00:12:37,052
We are left with only one possible
course of action, grim though it be.

182
00:12:37,213 --> 00:12:39,010
I got a good feeling about this.

183
00:12:39,173 --> 00:12:41,892
We must immediately and permanently. . .

184
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:46,649
. . .shut down, dismantle
and destroy all robots!

185
00:12:46,813 --> 00:12:48,212
[GASPS]

186
00:12:48,373 --> 00:12:51,445
-Wait! Surely there's a better--
-The conference is over.

187
00:12:51,613 --> 00:12:54,730
I must go now
to help collect cans on Jupiter.

188
00:12:54,893 --> 00:12:56,246
Peace out, y'all.

189
00:12:59,413 --> 00:13:03,531
ALL: Destroy all robots!
Destroy all robots!

190
00:13:03,693 --> 00:13:08,289
-Poor Bender.
-Be brave, my friend.

191
00:13:16,293 --> 00:13:19,490
Come on. You've got to come out
of your chest sometime.

192
00:13:19,653 --> 00:13:22,087
Would you do it for a Bender snack?

193
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:25,361
FRY: Ah-ha!
-Gotcha!

194
00:13:25,533 --> 00:13:28,889
BENDER: Let me go!
I don't even want the stupid beer.

195
00:13:31,773 --> 00:13:34,810
Yes! You tried to trick me
into coming out of my chest.

196
00:13:34,973 --> 00:13:36,964
But who has the beer now?

197
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,851
[LAUGHING]

198
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,851
I've got mail.

199
00:13:46,733 --> 00:13:48,564
It's a party, apparently.

200
00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:52,245
Do you like to party?
To boogie down?

201
00:13:52,413 --> 00:13:56,372
Well, I'm throwing an all-night beach
rager for my robot pals.

202
00:13:56,533 --> 00:14:00,242
It all goes down this Saturday
on the isolated Galápagos lslands. . .

203
00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:02,369
. . .where there will be no escape. . .

204
00:14:02,533 --> 00:14:05,684
. . .from the fun.
All robots must attend!

205
00:14:05,933 --> 00:14:07,525
Strange.

206
00:14:07,693 --> 00:14:11,766
Why would Nixon, an awkward,
uncomfortable man, throw a party?

207
00:14:11,933 --> 00:14:14,288
One of the most
social events imaginable?

208
00:14:14,893 --> 00:14:18,090
It's a trap is why! They're going
to deactivate all the robots.

209
00:14:19,853 --> 00:14:22,925
-I don't hear any gasping.
-We all figured that out.

210
00:14:23,293 --> 00:14:25,887
-Oh. . . .
-Well, I'm off.

211
00:14:26,053 --> 00:14:29,250
We can hide you. We'll pile fruit
on you and claim you're a bowl.

212
00:14:29,413 --> 00:14:32,769
-No. I'm going to the party.
-I won't let you!

213
00:14:32,933 --> 00:14:36,972
Fry, as you know, there are lots
of things I'm willing to kill for.

214
00:14:37,133 --> 00:14:41,092
Jewels, vengeance,
Father O'Malley's weed whacker.

215
00:14:41,253 --> 00:14:45,087
But at long last, I've found
something I'm willing to die for.

216
00:14:45,253 --> 00:14:47,562
This mindless turtle.

217
00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:50,167
Bender, this world
isn't good enough for you.

218
00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:52,244
Not even close.

219
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:56,042
Goodbye, everybody.
Don't touch my stuff after I'm dead.

220
00:14:57,293 --> 00:14:59,090
It's booby-trapped!

221
00:15:01,213 --> 00:15:04,250
["GET DOWN TONIGHT" PLAYS]

222
00:15:22,333 --> 00:15:24,369
[CHEERING]

223
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:30,612
Oh, yeah, baby!
Come on. Come on, baby.

224
00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:35,163
Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better
if I had a drink.

225
00:15:36,733 --> 00:15:39,008
Crummy keg, it's completely tapped--

226
00:15:39,173 --> 00:15:41,323
-Oh, you're a robot.
-Don't stop.

227
00:15:41,493 --> 00:15:43,927
-Ew!
-Attention, happening robots.

228
00:15:44,093 --> 00:15:46,971
Who's got what it takes
to party with Nixon?

229
00:15:47,173 --> 00:15:48,811
[BURPING]

230
00:15:50,293 --> 00:15:53,330
You fellas enjoy yourselves
for the next two hours. . .

231
00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:57,008
. . .and be sure not to leave the island
for at least two hours.

232
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,164
I'm going out
to pick up some smokes.

233
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:00,971
Really good smokes.

234
00:16:01,133 --> 00:16:02,452
Two hours.

235
00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:04,046
[CHEERING]

236
00:16:05,013 --> 00:16:08,403
Okay, headless body of Agnew,
let's blow this joint.

237
00:16:08,573 --> 00:16:10,165
[GROWLING]

238
00:16:18,413 --> 00:16:22,201
BIG ROBOT: Do you want to dance?
-No, I'm not really in the--

239
00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:24,091
You know you want to.

240
00:16:24,253 --> 00:16:25,891
[GRUNTING]

241
00:16:27,733 --> 00:16:30,167
Per your orders, I modified my mirror. . .

242
00:16:30,333 --> 00:16:33,166
. . .to fire a colossal electromagnetic
pulse at the Galápagos.

243
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:36,848
Every robot will be instantly
and painfully terminated.

244
00:16:37,013 --> 00:16:39,208
Now, for your part of the bargain.

245
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:43,685
Very well. Agnew,
you belong to Wornstrum now.

246
00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:45,844
[GROWLING]

247
00:16:46,093 --> 00:16:47,890
I'll say goodbye now.

248
00:16:48,053 --> 00:16:51,011
There ain't no turtles
where Daddy's going.

249
00:16:51,173 --> 00:16:54,927
Don't tell anybody, but Nixon's
about to shut all the robots off and--

250
00:16:55,093 --> 00:16:56,128
What?

251
00:16:56,293 --> 00:16:57,692
[SCREAMS]

252
00:16:57,853 --> 00:17:01,971
ROBOTS: We're gonna die!
We're going to the great beyond.

253
00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:04,408
Nixon's not bringing the smokes.

254
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,651
Shut up and pay attention to me.
Bender.

255
00:17:14,973 --> 00:17:18,602
Look, I love life and its pleasures
as much as anyone here.

256
00:17:18,773 --> 00:17:20,570
Except perhaps you, Hedonism Bot.

257
00:17:22,773 --> 00:17:26,812
But we need to be shut off!
Especially you, Hedonism Bot.

258
00:17:26,973 --> 00:17:30,522
-I apologize for nothing.
-We pollute too much!

259
00:17:30,693 --> 00:17:33,685
We're destroying the world
and killing the turtles!

260
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:36,845
-To hell with the turtles!
-No one insults the turtles!

261
00:17:40,453 --> 00:17:42,125
Come on, you!

262
00:17:45,533 --> 00:17:47,330
Let the games begin.

263
00:17:47,493 --> 00:17:48,812
[CHUCKLING]

264
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:53,086
[GASPING]

265
00:17:56,293 --> 00:17:57,646
Everyone listen!

266
00:17:59,973 --> 00:18:02,009
Ah! Damn!

267
00:18:02,173 --> 00:18:07,327
I've devised a way to save you and
stop global warming at the same time.

268
00:18:07,493 --> 00:18:10,530
Granted, you're all blasting out
greenhouse gases.

269
00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:12,445
You're one to talk.

270
00:18:14,053 --> 00:18:17,682
But we can use those very gases
to save the planet.

271
00:18:17,853 --> 00:18:21,641
If you all vent your exhausts
directly upward in one burst. . .

272
00:18:21,813 --> 00:18:25,647
. . .it should thrust the Earth
further from the sun, thus cooling it.

273
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,087
[MUMBLING]

274
00:18:27,253 --> 00:18:31,565
By my calculations, we'll need
the full force of every last robot.

275
00:18:31,733 --> 00:18:36,648
So quickly, everyone point
your exhaust vents straight upward.

276
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:48,371
Now vent.
Vent like the wind!

277
00:18:48,533 --> 00:18:51,286
[BURPING]

278
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:56,846
Harder! Harder!

279
00:18:59,813 --> 00:19:01,087
Why isn't this working?

280
00:19:01,253 --> 00:19:03,721
Some lazy or polite robot
is holding it in.

281
00:19:04,053 --> 00:19:05,884
[GRUNTING]

282
00:19:06,053 --> 00:19:08,408
Help! Help!

283
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,610
[WORNSTRUM LAUGHING]

284
00:19:15,013 --> 00:19:18,369
A billion robot lives
are about to be extinguished.

285
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:21,366
Oh, the Jedis are going
to feel this one.

286
00:19:21,533 --> 00:19:23,171
I'm sorry, buddy.

287
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:26,928
At least we'll die
on our backs, helpless.

288
00:19:28,053 --> 00:19:30,169
What the hell are you doing?

289
00:19:31,773 --> 00:19:33,809
Hey, are you trying
to make me look bad?

290
00:19:41,373 --> 00:19:44,445
Ah-ha! I'm even greater
than I thought I was.

291
00:19:44,613 --> 00:19:46,922
And now to fulfill my destiny!

292
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,006
Fire!

293
00:19:56,573 --> 00:19:57,801
-What the--?
-We missed!

294
00:19:57,973 --> 00:19:59,645
[GROWLING]

295
00:20:06,693 --> 00:20:09,765
NIXON: Professor, for saving the Earth
and foiling me. . .

296
00:20:09,933 --> 00:20:14,643
. . .I proudly, yet angrily, present you
with Earth's new highest honor:

297
00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:17,281
The Polluting Medal of Pollution.

298
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,042
Thank you. I deserve this.

299
00:20:25,413 --> 00:20:27,643
Hey, professor?
Now that the Earth's orbit. . .

300
00:20:27,813 --> 00:20:30,611
. . .is further from the sun,
won't that make the year longer?

301
00:20:30,773 --> 00:20:33,492
Why, yes.
One week longer to be exact.

302
00:20:33,653 --> 00:20:38,283
In that case, I hereby declare it
Robot Party Week!

303
00:20:38,453 --> 00:20:39,886
BENDER:
All right, baby!

304
00:20:42,653 --> 00:20:45,087
["HOT HOT HOT" PLAYS]

305
00:20:54,373 --> 00:20:57,171
[COUGHING]

306
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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307
00:20:58,305 --> 00:21:58,843
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