1
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Jurassic Bark

2
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Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com

3
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For my next trick,
notice I have nothing up my sleeves. . .

4
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. . .and nothing in my head.

5
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So if my lovely assistant
will kindly supply me. . .

6
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. . .with an ordinary,
non-fake pitcher of milk.

7
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Behold! The milk has vanished!

8
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Exiled, perhaps, to another dimension!

9
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Amazing! That's why they call you
Bender the Magnificent.

10
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No, it isn't.

11
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They discovered an intact 20th-century
pizzeria, like the one I used to work at!

12
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Interesting. No, wait, the other thing.
Tedious.

13
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Let's check it out. You can see
how I lived before I met you.

14
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-You lived before you met me?
-Sure. Lots of people did.

15
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Really.

16
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Truly, they were as gods
who built this place.

17
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Next, we come to the splendidly
preserved wooden pizza paddle.

18
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Scientists theorize it was used
to gently discipline the delivery boy.

19
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FRY:
Wait a second. This is Panucci's!

20
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I used to work
in this exact pizzeria.

21
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And for your information, lady, this
was not just used to paddle my butt.

22
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It was also used to move pizzas
and crush rats.

23
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I don't know where you get
your facts, sir. . .

24
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. . .but I am a volunteer housewife
with 45 minutes of orientation. . .

25
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. . .and a Harlequin romance
about archeologists.

26
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Don't wave your fancy degrees at me.

27
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I recognize all this stuff.

28
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Petrified sausages, old Mr. Vitelli,
and that's--

29
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[SCREAMS]

30
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MAN: Yes?
-Pizza delivery for Mr. Seymour Asses?

31
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MAN: There's no one by that name
here or anywhere.

32
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I hope that in time you'll realize
what an idiot you've been.

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I wouldn't count on that.

34
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[WHIMPERING]

35
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Poor little guy. You look like
you haven't eaten in a month.

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Here. But if Mr. Panucci asks,
your name is Seymour Asses.

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I like you, Seymour.

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You're not constantly judging me,
like all the other dogs.

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Are you?

40
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We understand each other.

41
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People think you're just
a mutt who smells bad. . .

42
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. . .can't find a girlfriend
and has a crummy job.

43
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But you're keeping it real
and you call no man "Mister. "

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Well, goodbye.
Live long and prosper.

45
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[WHIMPERS]

46
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[BARKING]

47
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That's the least appetizing calzone
I've ever seen.

48
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No! That's my dog in there!
It's an outrage, I say.

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BENDER:
Ow! Ow!

50
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I'm taking him home and I'd like
to see anyone try and stop me.

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Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh! Ah!

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And then he was ejected
by the guards.

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Needless to say, I was mortified.

54
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Well, it's not right
to make my dead pet an exhibit.

55
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That's like digging up Lassie
and putting her in the Louvre.

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Lassie is on display in the Louvre.

57
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I know. I was deliberately describing
a similar situation.

58
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Why don't you try protesting,
like those native Martians.

59
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Always whining that people don't treat
their ancestors' bones with respect.

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[SLURPING]

61
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Protesting never works.

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You're right. I'll give it a shot!

63
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ALL: What do you want?
-Fry's dog!

64
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-When do you want it?
-Fry's dog!

65
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Yeah!

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I will now perform
my people's native dance.

67
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["THE HUSTLE" PLAYS]

68
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It says here that this part
of The Hustle. . .

69
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. . .implores the gods to grant a favor,
usually a Trans Am.

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[SINGS "WALKING ON SUNSHINE"]

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[BARKING "WALKING ON SUNSHINE"]

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[SINGING]

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Thattaboy, Seymour.
Right here waiting for me as always.

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Just like that huge mushroom
in my shower.

75
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Hey, there's our little mascot.

76
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You been swimming in the sewer again?
You rascal.

77
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-Fry, cleanup!
-Seymour, cleanup!

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-Good dog.
-That's a good Seymour.

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There's dog fur on my slice!

80
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No, that's vermicelli.
No fur in here.

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[BARKING]

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FRY:
He's so cute.

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He can do two things
at one time: eat and swim.

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Three things!

85
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[MUSIC FADES]

86
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Fry, it's been three days.
You can't keep boogying like this.

87
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You'll come down with a fever
of some sort.

88
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I'm Dr. Ben Beeler, the paleontologist
who discovered your dog.

89
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Or as some call it,
the Beelersaurus.

90
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So do I get Seymour back?
Are you caving to political pressure?

91
00:06:00,653 --> 00:06:02,928
No. We're sorry,
but there's just too much. . .

92
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. . .that fossil can teach us
about dogs from your time.

93
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His name was Seymour.

94
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He was once intimate with the leg
of a wandering saxophonist.

95
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He had wet dog smell, even when dry.

96
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And he was not above chasing
the number 29 bus.

97
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The 29? lnteresting.

98
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-That's all I needed, right?
-I'm good.

99
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Okay, then. Here's your dog back.

100
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Seymour!

101
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Lady and gentleman. . .

102
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. . .how about a hand for my
temporary replacement assistant?

103
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I was all in this part! It's magic!

104
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You're not fit to wear Fry's leotard!

105
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ZOIDBERG:
Stop!

106
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-Good news, everyone!
-Hurray, he's back!

107
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And he's looking for a garbage can
to put the rock in. Here you go, buddy.

108
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No. Actually, we've discovered
that Fry's dog was fast-fossilized. . .

109
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. . .preserving its cellular structure.

110
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Which means we can clone it!
Seymour will live again!

111
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A little land mammal.

112
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Can you believe it, Bender?
I'm gonna have my best friend back!

113
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[SOBBING]

114
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Why the idiot convention?

115
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Cubert, my precious babe.

116
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I'm going to attempt
to clone Fry's dog. . .

117
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. . .using the very same apparatus
I used to clone you.

118
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Look! There's a smidge
of toe still in here.

119
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You see, beneath the fossil's
crunchy mineral shell. . .

120
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. . .there's still a creamy core
of dog nougat.

121
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So will Seymour remember how to sing
"Walking on Sunshine"?

122
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Amazingly, yes.

123
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In cases of rapid fossilization,
I can press this brain scan button. . .

124
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. . .retrieving Seymour's memories
at the precise instant of doggy death.

125
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I'm gonna get my puppy back!
ln your face, Grim Reaper!

126
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Crappy, ineffective reaper.

127
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I just need to reset the Clone-O-Mat
from human mode to dog mode.

128
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COMPUTER:
The dog says:

129
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[MOOING]

130
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Oh-oh. This may take a while.

131
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[VIDEO GAME PLAYING]

132
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You stink, loser!

133
00:08:25,853 --> 00:08:28,003
Hey, Fry, pizza going out.

134
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Come on!

135
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But I'm celebrating New Year's Eve.

136
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Like you got squat to celebrate.

137
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You're a delivery boy
this millennium. . .

138
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. . .and you'll be a delivery boy
next millennium.

139
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[GROWLS AND WHIMPERS]

140
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What's with Seymour?
It's like he don't want you to go.

141
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Or he thinks your pants is too short.

142
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Which is crazy, because frankly,
you look fabulous. Now get going!

143
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[WHIMPERING]

144
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I won't be gone long, Seymour.
Just wait here till I come back.

145
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[WHIMPERING]

146
00:09:08,613 --> 00:09:11,685
Hello? Pizza delivery for. . .

147
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:15,211
. . . "I.C. Wiener"? Oh, crud.

148
00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:21,205
Here's to another lousy millennium.

149
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ALL:
Five, four, three, two. . . .

150
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[SCREAMS]

151
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What the--?

152
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A dog collar, for me?
You shouldn't have.

153
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-That's for Seymour.
-Oh.

154
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[SQUEAKING]

155
00:09:48,853 --> 00:09:50,650
A subscription to the Daily Growl?

156
00:09:50,853 --> 00:09:52,809
That's not a reputable journal
of opinion.

157
00:09:52,973 --> 00:09:56,170
That's for Seymour. I'm getting
everything ready for when he's cloned.

158
00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:57,732
Are you on the junk, Fry?

159
00:09:57,893 --> 00:10:00,453
Why waste time on a creature
of inferior intelligence?

160
00:10:00,653 --> 00:10:03,963
-Hey, he was smart. He could fetch.
-I can fetch!

161
00:10:07,973 --> 00:10:10,806
-He could dig up bones.
-Hello? Charlemagne?

162
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:16,044
Plus, I bet he couldn't create
a laser show with his head.

163
00:10:16,213 --> 00:10:17,931
[MUSIC PLAYS]

164
00:10:19,613 --> 00:10:21,763
Look, Bender,
this has nothing to do with you.

165
00:10:21,933 --> 00:10:23,127
That's impossible!

166
00:10:23,293 --> 00:10:27,127
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm working on Seymour's doghouse.

167
00:10:29,573 --> 00:10:33,202
No one ever asked if Bender
would like to live in a tiny little house.

168
00:10:33,373 --> 00:10:34,726
Not that I would.

169
00:10:34,893 --> 00:10:37,009
A tiny little house
that says "Bender" on it.

170
00:10:38,413 --> 00:10:40,529
BENDER:
Ow!

171
00:10:43,533 --> 00:10:46,843
FRY: This is Fry. If you're calling
about the used towels for sale...

172
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,481
... they're still available
for $45 each.

173
00:10:49,653 --> 00:10:51,803
Phil, it's your father.
Where are you?

174
00:10:51,973 --> 00:10:53,770
You're holding up New Year's brunch.

175
00:10:53,933 --> 00:10:55,525
Your brother can't wait any longer.

176
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:59,009
Hello, first bologna
of the new millennium.

177
00:10:59,173 --> 00:11:00,606
[BARKING]

178
00:11:00,773 --> 00:11:02,968
Here he comes.
That's him and Seymour.

179
00:11:03,693 --> 00:11:05,206
[BARKING]

180
00:11:05,493 --> 00:11:07,449
Well, that's weird.
Seymour's here, but--

181
00:11:07,613 --> 00:11:11,447
Go! Go! Touchdown!
But where's Philip?

182
00:11:11,653 --> 00:11:14,406
I'm telling you,
the Y2K computers got him.

183
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:17,610
We'll face burning roads,
rivers exploding. . .

184
00:11:17,773 --> 00:11:20,845
. . .calculators transformed
into Scud missiles.

185
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,731
There's nothing we can do.

186
00:11:23,773 --> 00:11:27,243
[BARKS "WALKING ON SUNSHINE"]

187
00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:30,525
What's that, Seymour?
You walking on sunshine?

188
00:11:31,573 --> 00:11:32,562
[WHIMPERING]

189
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:36,089
He's trying to tell us something.
Maybe he can lead us to Philip!

190
00:11:37,493 --> 00:11:40,883
-Should we follow him?
-To our deaths? Negatory.

191
00:11:41,093 --> 00:11:43,846
It's the Y2K trying to lure us
into an ambush.

192
00:11:44,013 --> 00:11:46,322
And I ain't buying it.
Pass the bologna.

193
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,452
Are you gonna be done soon?

194
00:11:58,653 --> 00:12:01,121
Sorry, but we need to practice
hand-to-hand combat. . .

195
00:12:01,293 --> 00:12:04,091
. . .in case an enemy knocks
the laser guns out of our hands. . .

196
00:12:04,253 --> 00:12:06,084
. . .and they slide way
across the room.

197
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:09,330
Could you do it someplace else?
I'm setting up Seymour's dog bed.

198
00:12:09,533 --> 00:12:11,683
-Okay.
-Ow!

199
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,566
[BENDER WHISTLING]

200
00:12:17,053 --> 00:12:18,645
Heel, boy! Heel!

201
00:12:18,813 --> 00:12:21,611
Oh, hello, Fry.
I guess I didn't notice you there.

202
00:12:21,773 --> 00:12:25,209
I'm having such fun
with my new best friend, Robo-Puppy.

203
00:12:25,373 --> 00:12:26,692
That's nice.

204
00:12:26,893 --> 00:12:29,726
I was just out walking him.
Yes, you can walk him.

205
00:12:29,893 --> 00:12:32,851
Of course, after he goes,
you have to refill the canisters.

206
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:35,130
Come here, boy! Pet, pet, pet.

207
00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:37,164
ROBO-PUPPY:
Robo-Puppy receiving petting.

208
00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:40,171
Bender, are you jealous
of Fry's puppy?

209
00:12:40,333 --> 00:12:41,686
That's so adorable!

210
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:45,806
Jealous? Not when I have the love
of Robo-Puppy here.

211
00:12:45,973 --> 00:12:48,043
Robo-Puppy, lick my cheek.

212
00:12:48,253 --> 00:12:51,370
Robo-Puppy preparing to lick cheek.

213
00:12:51,573 --> 00:12:53,768
Robo-Puppy commencing cheek licking.

214
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:56,811
Licking in progress.
Licking complete.

215
00:12:56,973 --> 00:13:00,522
Robo-Puppy truly is robot's best friend.

216
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,446
There. Perfect.

217
00:13:02,613 --> 00:13:04,365
[MUSIC PLAYS]

218
00:13:05,093 --> 00:13:08,768
Good news, everyone!
The Clone-O-Mat is ready!

219
00:13:09,013 --> 00:13:10,651
[CHEERING]

220
00:13:11,213 --> 00:13:13,283
Finally!

221
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,769
Robo-Puppy commencing
two-hour yipping session.

222
00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:19,208
[YIPPING]

223
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:25,812
Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!
Robo-Puppy mistreatment alert!

224
00:13:28,013 --> 00:13:31,688
Behold once more,
the mighty Clone-O-Mat!

225
00:13:31,893 --> 00:13:34,566
Requiring such vast amounts
of electricity. . .

226
00:13:34,733 --> 00:13:39,523
. . .that we must harness
the elemental power of nature itself!

227
00:13:39,813 --> 00:13:40,882
ALL:
Wow.

228
00:13:41,173 --> 00:13:46,008
I speak, of course, of molten lava
deep within the Earth's core.

229
00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:48,403
To the subbasement!

230
00:13:51,653 --> 00:13:53,928
[GRUNTING]

231
00:13:57,493 --> 00:14:00,291
[SCREAMING]

232
00:14:03,733 --> 00:14:06,088
Powering up Clone-O-Mat!

233
00:14:06,373 --> 00:14:09,285
Placing fossil
on the Plat-Clone-O-Form.

234
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,248
Initiating dog brain CAT scan!

235
00:14:17,253 --> 00:14:18,891
Come on, boy. Come back to life.

236
00:14:19,173 --> 00:14:23,530
Know ye now what feels like
to be dog god!

237
00:14:24,093 --> 00:14:27,563
Commencing DNA extraction.

238
00:14:33,253 --> 00:14:35,323
Fry, come on!
The talent show.

239
00:14:35,493 --> 00:14:37,290
What? I'm in the middle of something.

240
00:14:37,493 --> 00:14:41,042
But if we don't perform,
in what sense do we have an act?

241
00:14:41,253 --> 00:14:43,084
Bender, enough.
Leave me alone!

242
00:14:43,933 --> 00:14:47,005
So that's how it is?
I thought you were my friend.

243
00:14:47,173 --> 00:14:51,405
But if you love your dog so much,
maybe you'd rather play fetch!

244
00:14:54,173 --> 00:14:55,447
No!

245
00:14:57,693 --> 00:14:58,682
[SCREAMS]

246
00:14:58,853 --> 00:15:00,491
[LAUGHING]

247
00:15:00,653 --> 00:15:03,372
Now I'm all you got!

248
00:15:07,693 --> 00:15:09,684
I hate you! I hate you!

249
00:15:09,853 --> 00:15:13,163
You evil, metal man! Ow!

250
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:16,652
So anyway, your dog is melted.
Now we're friends again.

251
00:15:16,853 --> 00:15:19,890
Not necessarily.
For the dog may yet survive.

252
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:21,367
May yet? Really?

253
00:15:21,573 --> 00:15:24,724
Indeed. You see,
that fossil was made of dolomite. . .

254
00:15:24,893 --> 00:15:29,364
. . .the tough, black mineral that won't
cop out when there's heat all about.

255
00:15:29,573 --> 00:15:34,693
By contrast, observe
the lava's affect on this ice swan.

256
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:39,530
Of course, that would've melted
even at room temperature.

257
00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:41,126
I just wanted to get rid of it.

258
00:15:41,293 --> 00:15:44,251
But had it been made
of that righteous mineral dolomite. . .

259
00:15:44,413 --> 00:15:46,927
. . .there's a slim chance
it might have survived.

260
00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:48,885
So Seymour might still exist?

261
00:15:49,053 --> 00:15:52,329
Perhaps, for a few minutes.
It's dolomite, baby!

262
00:15:52,573 --> 00:15:55,451
Then I'm going in after him!

263
00:15:57,613 --> 00:16:00,605
ALL: No!
-He'd come after me!

264
00:16:29,933 --> 00:16:31,161
[DOOR SQUEAKS]

265
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,528
Acting like a moron
won't bring your dog back.

266
00:16:45,693 --> 00:16:47,251
Then all hope is lost!

267
00:16:49,853 --> 00:16:52,492
Goodbye, Seymour.

268
00:16:52,653 --> 00:16:54,484
[SOBBING]

269
00:16:54,653 --> 00:16:56,530
Please stop crying, Fry.

270
00:16:56,693 --> 00:16:58,445
Here.

271
00:16:58,933 --> 00:17:01,766
I assumed you were just pretending
to love the dog. . .

272
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:03,651
. . .to toy with my emotions.

273
00:17:03,853 --> 00:17:07,289
-What have I done?
-You didn't do anything.

274
00:17:07,453 --> 00:17:08,852
Don't beat yourself up.

275
00:17:09,053 --> 00:17:10,566
Fry, I'm sorry.

276
00:17:10,733 --> 00:17:14,123
I should have understood how someone
can love an inferior creature. . .

277
00:17:14,293 --> 00:17:15,931
. . .because I love you.

278
00:17:16,093 --> 00:17:19,722
Not in the way of the ancient Greeks,
but the way a robot loves a human. . .

279
00:17:19,893 --> 00:17:24,205
. . .a human loves a dog,
and occasionally, a gorilla loves a kitty.

280
00:17:24,613 --> 00:17:25,932
I'm going in!

281
00:17:26,133 --> 00:17:29,250
I'm a professor!
Why isn't anyone listening to me?

282
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:31,369
You can't go in because you'll melt!

283
00:17:31,533 --> 00:17:34,605
The fossil only has a chance
because it's made of dolomite.

284
00:17:34,813 --> 00:17:37,168
I'm 40 percent dolomite!

285
00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:43,886
BENDER:
Oh, it's hot. Oh, it's very hot!

286
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,724
[BARKING]

287
00:17:53,853 --> 00:17:56,162
I am one hung-over cryogenicist.

288
00:17:56,373 --> 00:17:58,762
Throw that mutt in the freezer
till his owners come.

289
00:17:58,933 --> 00:18:01,242
You can't solve all your problems
by freezing them.

290
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:03,244
I think you're forgetting our motto.

291
00:18:06,933 --> 00:18:09,970
Are you the cryogenicist
who called about our son's dog?

292
00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:13,324
You must be the Frys.
Yeah, he's right over there.

293
00:18:14,453 --> 00:18:17,365
Sorry we're late.
We all got sick from eating bad bologna.

294
00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:19,364
Y2K.

295
00:18:20,973 --> 00:18:22,292
What's he so worked up about?

296
00:18:22,573 --> 00:18:24,803
He's just upset
because our boy's missing.

297
00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:28,648
Come on, you overgrown rat!
Lead us to Philip.

298
00:18:28,813 --> 00:18:30,531
[WHIMPERING]

299
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:36,005
Bender's been down there too long!

300
00:18:36,173 --> 00:18:39,882
-I'm going in after him!
-Professor! Lava! Hot!

301
00:18:40,133 --> 00:18:41,407
This is all my fault.

302
00:18:41,573 --> 00:18:45,885
I let my best friend risk his life
just to get my dead dog back.

303
00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:55,286
-Bender!
-And that is why they call me. . .

304
00:18:55,453 --> 00:18:58,126
. . .Bender the Magnificent!

305
00:18:58,813 --> 00:19:00,246
Hey, where'd everybody go?

306
00:19:02,893 --> 00:19:05,202
Okay, let's clone us some dog.

307
00:19:05,413 --> 00:19:06,971
-Yeah!
-Very well.

308
00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:10,808
Let this abomination
unto the Lord begin!

309
00:19:16,093 --> 00:19:20,769
Interesting. It seems Seymour died
at the ripe old age of 1 5.

310
00:19:20,933 --> 00:19:24,846
Fifteen? You mean he lived
for 1 2 more years after I got frozen?

311
00:19:25,013 --> 00:19:26,651
Indeed.

312
00:19:26,813 --> 00:19:28,292
Stop the cloning.

313
00:19:30,933 --> 00:19:34,084
Oh, sure.
Smash the smart guy's machine.

314
00:19:34,293 --> 00:19:36,170
-Fry, what's wrong?
-Think about it.

315
00:19:36,373 --> 00:19:38,762
Seymour lived a full life
after I was gone.

316
00:19:38,933 --> 00:19:41,288
He probably even added new songs
to his repertoire.

317
00:19:41,493 --> 00:19:44,883
But that's a good thing.
"Walking on Sunshine" sucks noodles.

318
00:19:45,093 --> 00:19:46,970
I had Seymour till he was 3.

319
00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:49,693
That's when I knew him
and that's when I loved him.

320
00:19:51,253 --> 00:19:52,811
I'll never forget him.

321
00:19:52,973 --> 00:19:56,488
But he forgot me a long,
long time ago.

322
00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:12,082
["I WILL WAIT FOR YOU" PLAYS]

323
00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:41,612
MAN:
Ow!

324
00:20:42,305 --> 00:21:42,347
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