{1}{1}23.976
{176}{221}Futurama [5x03] - The Route Of All Evil - CiWaN
{246}{396}Who are the real-world Illuminati ?|Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
{813}{932}Ah, beer. So many choices.|And it makes so little difference.
{936}{986}How about Lobrau?|It has dots on it.
{991}{1086}Overruled! The choice of|champions is Pabst Blue Robot.
{1090}{1161}I can't drink that. The metal|shavings make my throat bloody.
{1186}{1235}Baby wants a Zima.
{1239}{1311}Hey, hey. We can all|fight when we're drunk.
{1316}{1364}Listen, why don't we|just brew our own beer?
{1369}{1403}You can brew your own beer?
{1408}{1480}Sure. The kids at the orphanarium|used to do it all the time.
{1609}{1714}Cursed bacteria of Liberia! My own son,|suspended from boarding school.
{1719}{1771}It's not my fault, Dad.|And you, Cubert.
{1776}{1874}I cloned you from one of my warts,|and I can send you straight back there.
{1901}{1988}What's going on? Is this angry|yelling, or busted-Hearing-Aid yelling?
{1993}{2030}I'm afraid it's both.|What?
{2034}{2092}Now, hold on.|Everyone cool your daiquiris.
{2096}{2165}Let's give the little vermin|a chance to explain themselves.
{2170}{2284}It was self-Defense, Mom. Just look|at this letter the principal sent.
{2328}{2358}We were in science class...
{2362}{2422}And we had finished building|a miniature black hole.
{2427}{2495}That was easy.|Pretty scrawny black hole.
{2499}{2555}It must be hungry.
{2559}{2638}Black holes don't need food.|Neither do nerds.
{2730}{2759}My Manwich!
{2808}{2872}That's it. You've compressed|our lunches to a singularity...
{2876}{2959}For the last time. Salt him, Dwight.
{3046}{3126}When I re-Solidify, I'm gonna|put you in a world of goop.
{3168}{3237}See? That bully started it.|We couldn't fight back with brawn...
{3241}{3340}So we used our brains.|I warned you not to use those things!
{3391}{3459}Let's see. We've got our malt.|Our hops.
{3463}{3528}We just need a big|disposable tub to mix it in.
{3639}{3721}Now it needs to boil for a couple hours.
{3845}{3886}Dwight, you remember the crew?|Yeah.
{3890}{3961}Crew, you remember Cubert?|Yeah.
{3966}{4016}Wonderful!|Then I'm sure you won't mind...
{4020}{4113}Being their legal guardians for a month.
{4133}{4249}Well, well, if it isn't my old friends,|Stretch Pants, No Pants...
{4253}{4309}And Idiot.
{4313}{4410}We're making beer. I'm the brewery.|I heard alcohol makes you stupid.
{4415}{4497}No, I'm... Doesn't.|Actually, Dwight, you're right.
{4501}{4619}Alcohol is very, very bad. For children.|But once you turn 21...
{4623}{4695}It becomes very, very good.|So scram.
{4701}{4742}Oh, man.|I'm sick of this.
{4778}{4865}Hey, Dad. What useless contraption|are you half-Baking today?
{4869}{4954}You what?|Oh, this is my latest invention.
{4958}{5052}A device that lets anyone|sound exactly like me.
{5057}{5127}Good news, everyone.|I'm a horse's butt.
{5132}{5196}I am? That's not good|news at all, you little...
{5223}{5297}What's this device's marketability?|Who's the target consumer?
{5302}{5373}There is no target consumer.|Only targets.
{5377}{5479}Targets that will tremble in fear|as their new masters hand down edicts
{5483}{5542}In my glorious, booming voice!
{5552}{5638}Now quit pestering me,|you confounded scoundrels!
{5756}{5791}Can I collate that?|No.
{5795}{5875}Can I shred these contracts?|No!
{5880}{5937}Wow! A power stamper.
{6050}{6090}Now look at all the work I gotta do!
{6346}{6377}The ingredients are cooked.
{6381}{6439}They picked up some of your|natural robot flavorings.
{6443}{6478}Time to add the yeast.
{6497}{6601}Yeast? You mean I'll have a|life form growing inside me?
{6605}{6679}It's so beautiful.
{6750}{6812}{Y:i}Talk to me.|This is Professor Farnsworth.
{6816}{6891}{Y:i}I have an important delivery|for you and your dumb crew.
{6895}{6961}{Y:i}You must deliver a pizza to Dog Doo 8...
{6965}{7029}{Y:i}A planet at the edge of the universe.
{7034}{7140}Sorry I can't come to say goodbye,|but I'm busy inventing useless junk.
{7144}{7219}And I smell bad.
{7663}{7761}If you were my kids, you'd get|quite a talking to. From your father.
{7765}{7809}When he got home from the Senate.
{7814}{7855}Oh, bother.|What have they done now?
{7859}{7927}Those pork dumplings sent|us on a fake pizza delivery.
{7931}{7968}The address was on Dog Doo 8.
{7972}{8036}But the universe ends|right after Dog Doo 7.
{8041}{8121}Child-Man, is this true?|Yeah. But why are you mad at us?
{8125}{8208}Your dummy brigade wasted a week|on an obviously fake mission.
{8213}{8289}Plus, they're making bootleg|beer inside company property.
{8294}{8366}Lies! Lies and slander!
{8370}{8473}Accusing gentle Bender of a misdeed?|That's the last straw!
{8478}{8524}You boys have been|underfoot long enough.
{8529}{8579}You jerked the words|right out of my mouth.
{8583}{8656}We're their fathers,|and it's high times we acted like it.
{8660}{8696}Here comes violence.
{8736}{8779}Get a job, you lazy kids.
{8835}{8927}I guess if you want children beaten,|you have to do it yourself.
{8992}{9033}Come on, Dad. Shuffle faster!
{9037}{9093}You don't wanna miss the|unveiling of our company.
{9097}{9149}Company?
{9153}{9292}Cute. What'll you peddle? Lemonade?|Shoeshines? Cootie insurance?
{9296}{9402}Perhaps they've constructed|a teddy bear hospital.
{9413}{9490}Actually, we're starting a|competing delivery company.
{9606}{9688}Welcome to the world of business.
{9869}{9947}Who's going to use a delivery|service with a kicked sign?
{9952}{10024}Nobody, that's who.|We already have a client signed up.
{10028}{10093}{Y:i}We're delivering the Daily Supernova.
{10104}{10222}So your delivery company is just|a cute, harmless paper route.
{10227}{10275}No. It's a serious business.
{10280}{10385}Yes. It's a tremendous|responsibility, all right.
{10390}{10452}What if a paper were|to land in a puddle?
{10455}{10524}Civilization as we know|it might get splashed.
{10800}{10849}Why do they always|treat us like dumb kids?
{10852}{10929}We're practically old enough to|find the Fox Network infantile.
{10933}{10990}We'll show them.|All Awesome Express needs...
{10994}{11055}Is a sturdy interstellar delivery craft.
{11069}{11103}Voil?!
{11107}{11168}You got a quarter?
{11304}{11388}Man! The ad said to allow four|to six seconds for delivery.
{11392}{11446}More like seven.
{11479}{11589}I'm really starting to swell up|with beer. I must look ridiculous.
{11594}{11638}No. You have a healthy glow.
{11648}{11751}Oh, my God! I just felt it ferment.|Let me feel.
{11756}{11801}Have you thought about a name?
{11806}{11859}I was thinking Benderbrau|if it's an ale...
{11863}{11907}Botwiser if it's a lager.
{11911}{11965}I hope it's a lager.|I can take it to a ball game.
{12019}{12050}I felt that one!
{12166}{12215}There's a crack in the hull here.
{12219}{12274}That could cause|explosive decompression.
{12278}{12330}Put a sticker on it.
{12387}{12480}Off on your first delivery?|You be careful, my little tinkler.
{12484}{12565}Remember we used to call|you that, huh? Tinkler.
{12610}{12700}Gets moving. Those newspapers|won't deliver themselves.
{12705}{12757}Only the Sunday edition can do's that.
{12785}{12869}Goodness, there must be|50 papers in that bundle.
{12874}{12951}That's a big number, 50.|Yeah. If you're an idiot.
{13027}{13113}Three, two, one.|All systems go.
{13118}{13173}Blastoff!
{13279}{13390}See you at din-Din.|I'm blowing you a kiss.
{13418}{13459}Take evasive action!
{13464}{13589}It's closing in. You can't avoid it.|It's a cheek-Seeker.
{13592}{13646}And...|Got you!
{13650}{13693}No!
{15081}{15182}Business is down, so I filed papers|to have you all reclassified as slaves.
{15234}{15340}Well, well, if it isn't|our little munchkin moguls.
{15382}{15455}What's the trouble, men?|Need some penny rolls for your profits?
{15460}{15521}Actually, thanks to Dwight's|brilliant accounting...
{15525}{15586}And my unaccountable brilliance...
{15590}{15661}Our paper route now has|over a million customers!
{15686}{15738}We're finally making|more money than you guys.
{15742}{15820}Aren't you impressed now, Pops?|Aren't you? Aren't you?
{15824}{15871}In a small way, yes.
{15876}{15949}You still don't have your own|building or conference table...
{15953}{15990}Or one of those things.
{15994}{16027}Hello.
{16060}{16133}Our dads are never impressed,|no matter what we do.
{16137}{16180}Maybe we should start a fire.
{16185}{16275}If we really want to impress them,|we'll have to crush them with strategy.
{16279}{16314}Dwight Lightning.
{16349}{16433}Very well.|But I get to name the next strategy.
{16457}{16516}{Y:i}This week on The Real World The Sun:
{16549}{16604}{Y:i}I'm burning to death!
{16608}{16700}You know how much an apartment|that big would cost on the sun?
{16704}{16787}People! As you know, our young|sons have become great successes...
{16791}{16833}In the very same field as us.
{16839}{16873}Oh, that's great!|That's good.
{16878}{16912}Naturally, we're humiliated.
{16916}{16969}That's why we need you,|our loyal crew...
{16973}{17059}To make Planet Express|800% more profitable.
{17063}{17150}We'll start by slashing salaries.|And this time, I mean really slashing.
{17155}{17209}Guys? I don't know|how to tell you this...
{17213}{17270}So I'll just let Fry|blurt it out thoughtlessly.
{17275}{17310}We don't work for you anymore!
{17315}{17361}What?|Dwight and Cubert made us an offer.
{17365}{17412}We're paperboys now.|Incoming!
{17416}{17479}We've got papers to stuff, team.|Hut-Two. Hut-Two.
{17484}{17543}Yes, sir.|We're on it, Mr. Farnsworth.
{17675}{17728}Folks? The situation is grim.
{17732}{17867}But we shall prevail, thanks to you,|our crack team of loyal dregs.
{17934}{18017}I don't even know who this guy is.|I'm Scruffy, the janitor.
{18022}{18095}Of course you are.|Now, we've got to buckle down...
{18099}{18142}And save Planet Express.
{18147}{18190}I'm on break.
{18362}{18475}Sorry to interrupt this whirlwind of|activity, but we have an announcement.
{18480}{18572}I direct your attention to the forms|which I'm presently engaged in handing you.
{18579}{18655}Sweet guinea pig of Winnipeg!|They've taken over our company.
{18659}{18722}Balderdash! I never agreed to that.
{18727}{18810}No. But you did declare yourself|dead three years ago as a tax dodge.
{18815}{18891}Tax dodge, nothing! You take|one nap in a ditch at the park...
{18895}{18950}And they start declaring|you this and that.
{18954}{19031}Either way, I technically inherit|your building and your spaceship.
{19035}{19103}Which means Planet Express is now...
{19107}{19155}Awesome Express.
{19186}{19236}You rotten kids!
{19240}{19278}Will you be hiring?|No.
{19282}{19328}You rotten kids!
{19575}{19651}There. One million papers,|folded and loaded.
{19705}{19771}Leela, help me apply these|flame decals I got in my cereal.
{19775}{19817}They'll make the ship go faster.
{19821}{19877}And what's your scientific|basis for thinking that?
{19882}{19906}I'm 12.
{20006}{20118}Did I ever tell you how|I used to own that ship?
{20225}{20291}There but for the grace of God.
{20518}{20571}Oh, my God! I think it's time!
{20576}{20630}Hurry, Leela!|Get some coasters and cold mugs.
{20686}{20725}Push, Bender! Push!
{20773}{20810}You're doing great.
{20814}{20893}Oh, it feels like it's trying|to push a waterbed out of me.
{20897}{20956}Almost there. Just two more bottles.
{20963}{21058}Is it okay? I can't hear anything.
{21062}{21143}It's an ale. Five gallons, six ounces.
{21284}{21315}Hey, what's going on?
{21319}{21374}This is a delivery company,|not a delivery room.
{21378}{21441}We busted our buns|delivering a million papers...
{21445}{21536}And this is how you greet us?|With a bunch of frosty cold beers?
{21541}{21633}Hey, wait a second. How did you|deliver a million papers in one hour?
{21655}{21710}We just did, okay?|'Cause we're awesome.
{21715}{21797}Yeah. Awesome.|Yeah. Awesome.
{21805}{21870}Hello, Awesome Express, the rude,|crude delivery dudes.
{21874}{21940}How may I direct your call?|What's that?
{21944}{22067}You haven't gotten your paper?|In how long?
{22213}{22332}Might a homeless old man have|a touch more beef bourguignon...
{22336}{22387}And another tequila slammer?
{22415}{22465}Please?|Don't you sweet-Talk me...
{22469}{22567}You wrinkly old tube sock.|May I have one too, wife?
{22572}{22641}You're both pathetic,|being jealous of your own offspring.
{22645}{22707}Now, you should be happy|that they became successes...
{22711}{22763}Instead of following|in your food stamps.
{22768}{22845}Oh, it's true.|But they grow up so fast.
{22849}{22908}We wanted a few more years|of being better than them.
{22912}{23043}They're so stinking talented,|they don't even need their fathers anymore.
{23162}{23264}Dad! We screwed up.|You did? Tough luck, suckers.
{23269}{23373}Help us, Pops. We agreed to deliver|way more papers than we could handle.
{23378}{23461}We couldn't handle them. We dumped|the extras in a crater on the moon.
{23465}{23526}Now everybody's yelling at|us about their missing papers.
{23530}{23600}And we don't know what to do!
{23744}{23809}Why did you boys do all this?
{23822}{23907}We wanted you to be proud of us.|Proud of you?
{23911}{23974}You ruined us with sleazy|business practices...
{23978}{24039}And a complete disregard|for human decency.
{24044}{24110}Of course we're proud of you.|Damn right, we are!
{24114}{24241}Now, come on, let's go do a little|father-Son weaseling out of this.
{24342}{24429}Good thing I had this net|installed for catching giraffes.
{24847}{24938}Okay, boys. Let me show|you how a paper man does it.
{25113}{25183}{Y:i}Au revoir!
{25228}{25265}Can I use the gun, Dad?
{25269}{25345}What kind of father|would I be if I said no?
{25461}{25514}Only one house to go.|We did it!
{25689}{25747}Run away!|That bully, Brett Blob, lives there.
{25752}{25800}He's ugly, mean, stupid, stink mucus!
{25804}{25906}And last week, we sort|of broke his window.
{25911}{25994}All right, all right. What do we|do when we break somebody's window?
{25999}{26050}Pay for it?|Oh, heavens, no!
{26054}{26133}We apologize with nice, cheap words.
{26187}{26317}I thought I heard the doorbell.|But I see it was the "dork bell."
{26354}{26395}You made a funny good one, Brett.
{26399}{26460}Now, now, no need to|give us the business.
{26464}{26575}We'd like a word with your daddy.|Whatever. Dad!
{26580}{26681}Don't worry, boys. I'm sure his father|is a perfectly normal, reasonable man.
{26685}{26712}What do you want?
{26717}{26820}Mr. Blob, our sons have come to|apologize for damaging your window.
{26823}{26900}They've learned their lesson,|and they want to make amends.
{26904}{26952}Sorry, sir.|Yeah, sorry.
{26957}{27059}You shove your apology into the bottom|of your one-Way digestive system.
{27064}{27150}Now, see here. We assured our sons|that you'd accept their apology.
{27171}{27288}Tell you what. I'll accept their|apology when they kiss my ass!
{27297}{27343}Which I don't have.
{27395}{27487}No one gives my boy that option.|Bring it on, Jell-O pop.
{27491}{27545}Yeah, get him, Dad.|Show him who's boss.
{27643}{27713}Get him, Pops.|Right.
{28008}{28042}That was incredible!
{28046}{28120}You are the bravest dads|in the entire trauma center.
{28125}{28174}You guys almost had him,|until he digested you.
{28179}{28238}Oh, you're good kids.
{28242}{28327}If I could feel anything|right now, it would be pride.
{28366}{28434}I was wrong! I can still feel pain!
{28493}{28583}He's come to finish the job.|Someone toss me out the window!
{28588}{28685}No, no wait. I feel terrible|about what happened.
{28689}{28781}I've just been under a lot of stress|lately down at the plant, you know?
{28785}{28875}They're bringing in computers|to improve productivity...
{28880}{28965}And, well, that's no|excuse for how I acted.
{28969}{29074}But the boy needs to see that real men|solve their disagreements with words...
{29079}{29153}Not violence.|So if you'll accept my apology...
{29157}{29252}Well, I hope we can put this|embarrassing incident behind us.
{29283}{29321}I suppose.
{29329}{29413}Hey, chumps. I heard you were|on the ass end of an ass-Kicking.
{29418}{29472}I figured you could use a few of these.
{29477}{29566}Why not? Might as well live it up|as long as I got this catheter in me.
{29571}{29622}Won't you join us, Mr. Blob?
{29627}{29678}Sounds like a plan.
{29686}{29734}This is what makes|life worth clinging to.
{29738}{29820}Three fathers enjoying a|day out with their sons.
{29841}{29913}It would seem we've taught|our boys a lesson about life.
{29917}{30027}Man or blob, it's what's|inside that counts.
{30052}{31552}Advertise your product or brand here|contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today