1
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A Taste of Freedom

2
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Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com

3
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Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

4
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There's no denying it.
The future's crazy.

5
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Oh, well, don't want to stand out.

6
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Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

7
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There's nothing crazy about it.
It's just Freedom Day!

8
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[SQUAWKS]

9
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[WHIMPERING]

10
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So, what is Freedom Day?
Sounds like a feminine hygiene product.

11
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No, it's a fabulous, crab-ulous day!

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If you want to do something, you do it,
and just spleck with the consequences.

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[BIRD SQUAWKS]

14
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You know, like how I live every day.

15
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Happy Freedom Day!
Oh, I think my wrist is broken.

16
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Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day
without the traditional Freedom Tub!

17
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Ooh.

18
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Mm. That'll feel nice
on my shattered bones.

19
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[GASPS]

20
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Wow, nude hot-tubbing?

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That's all I need to hear
about Freedom Day.

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Then consider
the following lecture a bonus.

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On Earth, freedom is a given. But on
my planet, we have to suffer for it.

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Sure, you can be a comedian
instead of a doctor. . .

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. . .if you want your parents
to roll over in their graves!

26
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Sure, you can vote for Skanadel,
if you want there should be a recession!

27
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Sure, you can go to medical school. . .

28
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. . .if you've given up on your dream
of being a comedian!

29
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That's why I love Earth.

30
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You can do what you want,
and no one makes you feel guilty. . .

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. . .because no one cares.

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-We're not listening!
-That's what I'm talking about!

33
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[CHEERING]

34
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Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy!

35
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Excuse me, coming through. Freedom
train arriving on track one. Ooh, ooh!

36
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-Ow! You broke my foot!
-Freedom.

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What's this next float, Linda?

38
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Representing our men, women
and children in uniform. . .

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. . .it's Earth's greatest space hero,
Zapp Brannigan.

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Happy Freedom Day, ladies!

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Come on, let loose
and show me something.

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Anything.

43
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Seriously, I'd take an armpit.

44
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Oh, yeah, thank you, Linda!

45
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You're welcome!
Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.

46
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If that is your Freedom Day wish. . . .

47
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[SCREAMS]

48
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Thank you, secretary of transportation.

49
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My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy
so much freedom, it's almost sickening.

50
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We're free to choose which hand
our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.

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If we don't want to pay our taxes. . .

52
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. . .why, we're free to spend
a weekend with the Pain Monster.

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See you April 1 5, folks!

54
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Cue the fireworks guy!

55
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[GASPING]

56
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Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day
celebration is brought to you by:

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Shankman's Rubbing Compound.

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When something needs rubbing,
think Shankman.

59
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Yay, Shankman!

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It costs more, but it's worth it.

61
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Our planet has been through
so much this past year.

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Wars, droughts, impeachments.

63
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But we've never lost our sense
of what's truly important:

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The great taste of Charleston Chew.

65
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And now, let us salute
that beloved symbol of freedom. . .

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. . .our flag, Ol' Freebie.

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I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.

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In our darkest hour, we can stand erect
with proud, up-thrust bosoms.

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Anyone who laughs is a Communist.

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Knowing that,
with a shifty glance skyward. . .

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. . .we will see by the rocket's red glare,
that our flag is still there.

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It's gone!

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[BURPS]

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[GASPING]

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Yes, fellow patriots! I ate your flag!

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And I did it with pride.

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For to express oneself by doing a thing,
is the very essence of Freedom Day!

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Bless this planet
and all its wonderful people!

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Kill him! Kill the traitor!

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[SQUEALS]

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[ZOIDBERG MIMICKING
THE THREE STOOGES]

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Hey! It's the guy
that desecrated our flag!

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NIXON:
Stop that red menace!

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I'm all scuttled out! What?

85
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My planet's embassy?

86
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They're paid to not kill me!
Alley-oop!

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I thought I understood this world.
I thought I was fitting in.

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But I guess I don't belong here any more
than I do on our crappy home planet.

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-Sorry.
-What sorry?

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Our planet stinks. We all know it.

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Enough with the persecution, I'm saying.

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Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you
the full support of our government.

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Poor boy. You want maybe
a nice mug cocoa?

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Ambassador Mervin,
you and your staff are so kind.

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I'm truly humbled.

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What, no marshmallows?

97
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Well, let's storm the place!
Without my prior knowledge.

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BENDER: Coming through!
Freedom Train! Step aside.

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You, too, fatso. Freedom!

100
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Cool your jowls, Nixon.

101
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You may not like it that
Dr. Zoidberg desecrated a flag.

102
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You may even find the image of it
festering in his bowels offensive.

103
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But the right to freedom of expression
is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution.

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Argh-ooh. Maybe so.

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But I know a place where
the Constitution doesn't mean squat!

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The Supreme Court hereby accepts
the case of Earth v. Zoidberg.

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Sock it to him!

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Two, four, six, eight.
Eating the flag is bad!

109
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Now, your noose knot
has exactly seven twists.

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You can eat my dog
You can eat my truck

111
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But you eat my flag
And you're out of luck

112
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She's waving proud around the world
From Dallas to Fort Worth

113
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Let me say it again
Don 't mess with Earth

114
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-They sure hate Dr. Zoidberg.
-Posers!

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I was hating Zoidberg before it was cool.

116
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Where are we gonna find
a lawyer to take his case?

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I'll ask the head of the ACLU.
Once he's done singing.

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Don 't mess with Earth

119
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Kill Zoidberg! Good night!

120
00:08:07,973 --> 00:08:09,042
MAN:
Howdy, there.

121
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I'm a lawyer, and I'd like
to help your friend out of this pickle.

122
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-Who are you, old man?
-Name's Old Man Waterfall. . .

123
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. . .but most folks just call me Old Man.

124
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I'll never remember that.

125
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I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.

126
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Name a body part and a planet,
and I've taken a bullet in it, on it.

127
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All to keep our flag flying free.

128
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And you want to defend Zoidberg?

129
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Are you familiar with the old robot
saying, "Does not compute"?

130
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Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can
with sparks coming out it.

131
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The sparks keep me warm.

132
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I don't condone
what Dr. Zoidberg did. . .

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. . .but I'll fight tooth and nail
for his freedom to do it.

134
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Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and
nails on Mars and Saturn, respectively.

135
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Wait, you're a lawyer? You're hired!

136
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You okay there
in the embassy, Zoidberg?

137
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No! There's no cocoa marshmallows!

138
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And every night, the rats eat
a little more of my foot.

139
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Oyez, oyez, oyez!

140
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All rise for the Honorable Chief Justice
Myrtle Foo and the associate justices!

141
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Counsel, you may address the court
on behalf of Earth, if ready.

142
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I was hatched ready.

143
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Honorable judge heads,
yonder crawdad done ate up our flag.

144
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I was doing freedom of speech,
Earth's most sacred right.

145
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Your Honor, freedom of speech applies
to what comes out of a mouth. . .

146
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. . .not what goes in.

147
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-Can counsel cite precedent?
-Yes, darling, I can.

148
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In State of Alabama
v. Giant Space lguana...

149
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. . .chewing the corners
off the Constitution. . .

150
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. . .was deemed nonprotected speech.

151
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He shut you up, O'Connor.

152
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FOO: Mr. Waterfall, you may present
arguments on behalf of Dr. Zoidberg.

153
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Oh, God, I'm nervous.

154
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Two of my three hearts
are having attacks.

155
00:10:04,253 --> 00:10:07,006
Court's kind of fun
when it's not my ass on the line.

156
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Nachos?

157
00:10:08,373 --> 00:10:10,204
Oh, land-o-Goshen.

158
00:10:10,413 --> 00:10:16,090
Your Honors, I'm not some slick big-city
lawyer like my opponent here.

159
00:10:16,293 --> 00:10:18,966
But I am a veteran
who has fought for his planet.

160
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,203
-You see this hand of mine?
-Yes, I do.

161
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:22,448
No, you don't!

162
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Because I lost my real hand planting the
flag when we took back Halley's comet.

163
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:30,647
Yet it was worth it.
So much do I love that flag.

164
00:10:32,813 --> 00:10:35,691
I love it even more
than I love my seven wives.

165
00:10:35,853 --> 00:10:37,445
That's right, I'm a polygamist.

166
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Boo!

167
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:42,365
Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself. . .

168
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. . .had I not used my intestine as a rope
to hoist a flag made of my own skin. . .

169
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. . .if it would protect the freedoms
of the proud people who salute that flag.

170
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Freedom such as polygamy.

171
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-Boo!
-I rest my case.

172
00:10:59,613 --> 00:11:00,932
Whoa, jeez.

173
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The justices and I will now confer,
using high-speed telepathy.

174
00:11:22,813 --> 00:11:24,769
By a vote of six to three. . .

175
00:11:24,933 --> 00:11:28,926
. . .we find that flag-eating is not
protected by the Constitution.

176
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[GASPING]

177
00:11:30,813 --> 00:11:33,043
Six to three? I beat the spread!

178
00:11:33,253 --> 00:11:36,131
The court orders
an immediate public apology.

179
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:39,211
Apology accepted.
Just don't let it happen again.

180
00:11:39,373 --> 00:11:44,049
-She means you, you turkey of the sea.
-Me, apologize? Never!

181
00:11:44,253 --> 00:11:47,051
I came to this planet
to learn the meaning of freedom!

182
00:11:47,213 --> 00:11:50,091
But I say it's you
who should get a nice lesson.

183
00:11:50,253 --> 00:11:51,242
So do your worst. . .

184
00:11:51,413 --> 00:11:54,962
. . .because no punishment could be
bigger than denying me my freedom!

185
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:58,006
You are hereby sentenced to death.

186
00:11:58,213 --> 00:12:00,010
Wait, let me finish.

187
00:12:01,253 --> 00:12:06,725
Also, in a rare double-whammy decision,
the court finds polygamy constitutional.

188
00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:08,332
Boo!

189
00:12:08,533 --> 00:12:10,330
I can't wait to tell my husband!

190
00:12:10,533 --> 00:12:12,569
Boo!

191
00:12:13,373 --> 00:12:17,048
Remember, men, take him alive
so there's something left to kill.

192
00:12:17,253 --> 00:12:19,483
[MEN GRUNTING]

193
00:12:20,013 --> 00:12:21,048
Stay back!

194
00:12:21,253 --> 00:12:25,212
This embassy is sovereign mud
of the mud planet Decapodian!

195
00:12:25,413 --> 00:12:28,405
Invading these mud premises
is an act of war!

196
00:12:28,613 --> 00:12:31,446
Yeah? Well, what are you gonna
do about it, shrimpy?

197
00:12:31,653 --> 00:12:34,042
You wanna see, Mr. Bigshot?

198
00:12:34,693 --> 00:12:36,490
Attack Earth!

199
00:12:36,653 --> 00:12:38,962
Yes, I know it's a schlep. Just do it!

200
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:52,609
Aha! Now the rubber band's
on the other claw!

201
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,403
[SCREAMING]

202
00:12:56,053 --> 00:12:58,169
Ready? Retreat!

203
00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:17,448
[SCREAMING]

204
00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,804
Deny my freedom, will you?

205
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:31,602
Well, we'll do to you what we did
to the Squash men of the Squash planet:

206
00:13:31,773 --> 00:13:33,491
Squished them!

207
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:35,810
-Charleston Chew?
-You bet!

208
00:13:43,053 --> 00:13:45,169
All right, Kif.
Let's show these freaks. . .

209
00:13:45,333 --> 00:13:48,609
. . .what a bloated,
runaway military budget can do.

210
00:13:48,813 --> 00:13:51,486
Bring me the codes
for our global-defense network.

211
00:13:51,693 --> 00:13:53,331
Aye, aye, sir.

212
00:13:53,493 --> 00:13:56,053
[GRUNTING]

213
00:13:59,813 --> 00:14:02,725
FEMALE VOICE:
Commence lip identification scan.

214
00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:05,812
No tongue.

215
00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,051
We can't be too careful
with these codes.

216
00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:16,404
Rumor has it a double agent
may be aboard this very ship.

217
00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:18,732
I'm watching you.

218
00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:21,891
-You, ensign, what's your name?
-Hugh Man, sir!

219
00:14:22,093 --> 00:14:24,846
Hugh Man.
Now, that's a name I can trust.

220
00:14:25,013 --> 00:14:28,164
Run down to the central battle
computer and enter these codes.

221
00:14:31,013 --> 00:14:33,607
KIF: Sir, there's something
about that ensign that's--

222
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:37,812
You're damn right there is.
That young lad's gunning for your job.

223
00:14:37,973 --> 00:14:40,328
And he just might get it.

224
00:14:44,653 --> 00:14:45,972
The enemy approacheth.

225
00:14:46,173 --> 00:14:49,290
Lieutenant, fire missile one and
recommend me for another medal.

226
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:52,206
Make it gaudy. I'm going clubbing later.

227
00:14:53,813 --> 00:14:54,928
Ticktock.

228
00:14:55,133 --> 00:14:57,852
Sir, all planetary defenses
have been disabled.

229
00:14:58,013 --> 00:15:02,006
Perhaps the Decapodians acquired
our secret codes somehow.

230
00:15:02,213 --> 00:15:04,568
Well, Kif, stand by to take the blame.

231
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,570
Steady, steady. . . .

232
00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:08,362
Now!

233
00:15:09,773 --> 00:15:11,729
[SCREAMING]

234
00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:20,764
[GROANING]

235
00:15:25,853 --> 00:15:30,324
Dr. Zoidberg, how can you claim to love
freedom, and then enslave all of Earth?

236
00:15:30,533 --> 00:15:32,444
Your planet doesn't deserve freedom. . .

237
00:15:32,613 --> 00:15:36,242
. . .until it learns what it is to
not have freedom. It's a lesson, I say!

238
00:15:37,053 --> 00:15:38,042
Ow!

239
00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:40,727
What the hell is this dirt pile
we're building?

240
00:15:40,933 --> 00:15:43,811
None of your beeswax, slave.
You'll find out soon enough.

241
00:15:43,973 --> 00:15:46,646
Just focus on globbing that mud.

242
00:15:46,853 --> 00:15:48,525
Glob!

243
00:15:55,653 --> 00:15:57,132
I'm no good at being a slave.

244
00:15:57,293 --> 00:16:00,046
I'm thinking about graduate school
to become a barber.

245
00:16:00,213 --> 00:16:03,410
This can't go on.
Today is the day we fight back!

246
00:16:03,573 --> 00:16:06,690
-It's already 1 0:00.
-Oh, you're right.

247
00:16:06,853 --> 00:16:08,605
Tomorrow is the day we fight back.

248
00:16:08,773 --> 00:16:10,445
Yeah, well, good luck, sister.

249
00:16:10,613 --> 00:16:12,843
All our modern technology is useless.

250
00:16:13,053 --> 00:16:14,372
I know I am.

251
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:16,803
[SNORING]

252
00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:20,413
Hey, wait.
I'm having one of those things.

253
00:16:20,573 --> 00:16:23,087
-You know, a headache with pictures.
-An idea?

254
00:16:23,253 --> 00:16:24,242
Mm. Mm-mm-mm.

255
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:32,769
Back in my day, we didn't have
your fancy all-digital weapons.

256
00:16:32,973 --> 00:16:35,282
We still managed
to kill each other just fine.

257
00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:39,372
The crossbow.
A pitiless, elegant killing machine.

258
00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:41,285
The Bender of the 1 5th century!

259
00:16:41,493 --> 00:16:44,849
Not big enough. We need something
that can take out an entire army.

260
00:16:45,013 --> 00:16:47,447
Something you could commit
a war crime with--

261
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:49,361
Wow!

262
00:16:50,653 --> 00:16:51,688
Ow.

263
00:16:55,093 --> 00:16:58,927
Earth slaves,
behold the fruit of your labors:

264
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:01,601
The mobile oppression palace!

265
00:17:03,453 --> 00:17:04,681
Neat!

266
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:08,169
I don't need to tell you
that occupation forces are expensive.

267
00:17:08,373 --> 00:17:10,728
But with the mobile oppression palace. . .

268
00:17:10,893 --> 00:17:15,125
. . .a few dignitaries can oppress
your entire planet for pennies a day!

269
00:17:17,333 --> 00:17:18,971
Warships, dismissed!

270
00:17:44,413 --> 00:17:47,007
Do your worst, you sea devils!

271
00:17:47,173 --> 00:17:49,767
I'll make my stand with Ol' Freebie!

272
00:17:49,933 --> 00:17:52,925
You can crush me,
but you can't crush my spirit!

273
00:17:54,013 --> 00:17:55,685
Oh, my spirit!

274
00:17:56,013 --> 00:17:58,208
[GROANING]

275
00:17:58,413 --> 00:18:00,847
Great-grandpa, no!

276
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:04,369
Another victim of
the mano-centric male-ocracy.

277
00:18:04,573 --> 00:18:07,007
Ambassador Mervin,
you killed my lawyer!

278
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,162
You're welcome.

279
00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:10,642
He defended my freedom
when no one else would.

280
00:18:10,813 --> 00:18:16,251
-He was a good and honorable man.
-I request a satanic funeral.

281
00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:18,051
Boo!

282
00:18:18,253 --> 00:18:20,892
Is it possible that all this slavery
and oppression. . .

283
00:18:21,053 --> 00:18:24,682
-. . .is schmutzing up our freedom lesson?
-Take a pill, Zoidberg.

284
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:27,128
Begin again with the crushing!

285
00:18:34,173 --> 00:18:36,243
You haven't won yet, Mervin!

286
00:18:36,413 --> 00:18:38,643
You didn't expect us
to even go to a museum. . .

287
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:41,452
. . .much less steal
this ancient heat-seeking missile!

288
00:18:41,653 --> 00:18:43,052
I don't even know you.

289
00:18:49,813 --> 00:18:51,246
[WHIMPERING]

290
00:18:51,453 --> 00:18:53,569
Oh, it's gonna make such a mess!

291
00:19:00,453 --> 00:19:01,647
[SIGHING]

292
00:19:01,853 --> 00:19:03,730
This is your secret plan?

293
00:19:04,453 --> 00:19:08,241
Heat-seeking missiles are useless
against a mobile oppression palace.

294
00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:11,610
All Decapodian technology
is cold-blooded, like us!

295
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,962
All eyes on Zoidberg!

296
00:19:20,133 --> 00:19:21,805
Ew.

297
00:19:25,013 --> 00:19:26,685
Hey, I need that to smoke!

298
00:19:29,893 --> 00:19:33,203
Zoidberg, how could you?
I used to think you were cool.

299
00:19:33,413 --> 00:19:35,483
Wait, people of Earth, listen!

300
00:19:35,653 --> 00:19:40,773
Yes, I'm desecrating a flag, but
to preserve the freedom it represents.

301
00:19:40,973 --> 00:19:42,611
[YELLS]

302
00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:45,402
[MISSILE BEEPING]

303
00:20:00,253 --> 00:20:02,448
Zoidberg, you set us free!

304
00:20:02,653 --> 00:20:04,928
I feel like I could stand to hug you!

305
00:20:05,093 --> 00:20:07,766
I can't, but you know
what I'm trying to say.

306
00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:10,533
Zoidberg! Zoidberg! Zoidberg!

307
00:20:10,733 --> 00:20:15,682
If only they appreciated freedom
this much on my home planet.

308
00:20:15,853 --> 00:20:17,730
Wait a second. They do!

309
00:20:17,893 --> 00:20:21,044
Because this is my home planet!

310
00:20:22,453 --> 00:20:25,604
NIXON: And now,
to raise this beautiful new flag. . .

311
00:20:25,773 --> 00:20:31,086
. . .a red lobster that won't ruin
your dinner, Dr. John Zoidberg!

312
00:20:33,893 --> 00:20:35,884
You're a nice man, Nixon.

313
00:20:37,533 --> 00:20:40,843
How's about you take a bite
of the flag for tomorrow's papers?

314
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:44,648
-Oh, I couldn't.
-No, no, go ahead. You've earned it.

315
00:20:44,813 --> 00:20:47,122
Well, maybe just a taste.

316
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:52,281
Now, that's a grand old flag!

317
00:20:52,493 --> 00:20:53,721
All right, Zoidberg!

318
00:20:55,573 --> 00:20:59,407
I wonder what
the Shroud of Turin tastes like.

319
00:21:01,173 --> 00:21:02,367
WOMAN:
All right!

320
00:21:35,573 --> 00:21:36,722
Freedom!

321
00:21:37,305 --> 00:22:37,619
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