1
00:00:07,253 --> 00:00:09,369
Bend Her

2
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:17,074
Who are the real-world Illuminati ?
Find out @ saveanilluminati.com

3
00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:46,968
MALE ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the
games of the 3004 Earth Olympiad!

4
00:00:47,133 --> 00:00:51,172
Continuing this network's tradition
of sportscasting excellence.

5
00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:55,849
Celebrity Ape Fight will return
next week at its regular time.

6
00:00:56,013 --> 00:00:57,492
Who should I root for? America?

7
00:00:57,653 --> 00:00:59,928
Or a country
I learned about at the food court?

8
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:01,890
How about those guys?

9
00:01:02,053 --> 00:01:05,125
LEELA: No. They're from the Republic
of French Stereotypes.

10
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:06,766
Everybody hates them.

11
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:08,651
Oh. Let's go check on Hermes.

12
00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:14,046
All this inspiring multiculturalism
is angrying up my blood!

13
00:01:15,053 --> 00:01:19,012
Sweden? I don't think so.

14
00:01:21,213 --> 00:01:24,011
Go on, stick, touch me. Can't do it.

15
00:01:24,213 --> 00:01:28,172
Husband! You haven't been
an Olympic-class limbo-er for 20 years!

16
00:01:28,333 --> 00:01:30,085
Quit lying to your pudgy self.

17
00:01:30,293 --> 00:01:33,842
It seems like Jamaica would be able
to field a strong limbo team without you.

18
00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:36,402
Yeah. Isn't that basically
all Jamaicans do?

19
00:01:36,573 --> 00:01:38,052
Jamaicans have other interests!

20
00:01:38,213 --> 00:01:40,807
Which is why the limbo team
got detained at the airport.

21
00:01:41,013 --> 00:01:44,642
That's when they begged my husband to
step in and make an ass out of himself.

22
00:01:44,853 --> 00:01:47,048
And I said I'd try my very best.

23
00:01:47,253 --> 00:01:51,007
But have they seen your, you know,
physique since the old days?

24
00:01:51,253 --> 00:01:54,882
I described it to them on the phone
using a series of artful euphemisms.

25
00:01:55,053 --> 00:01:57,567
Don't worry. The fat pig will do fine. . .

26
00:01:57,733 --> 00:02:02,284
. . .thanks to this Flabbo-Dynamic
Spandex Body Suit I've designed.

27
00:02:02,453 --> 00:02:07,368
It redistributes his weight, shifting
his center of gravity closer to his knees.

28
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:11,086
Ooh, that's snug. Oh!

29
00:02:11,253 --> 00:02:15,405
-Those haven't descended in years!
-Now, that's a limbo-er's body!

30
00:02:15,973 --> 00:02:17,804
Look at that fine Jamaican bacon!

31
00:02:21,453 --> 00:02:24,490
Shut up, Zoidberg!
The robot bending events are starting.

32
00:02:27,093 --> 00:02:30,722
Something tells me I could easily beat
those trained professionals.

33
00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:44,845
Wow! That guy must be, like,
the world's greatest bender!

34
00:02:45,013 --> 00:02:47,573
My dreams of glory died
before they began.

35
00:02:47,733 --> 00:02:50,531
Welcome to my life.

36
00:02:53,493 --> 00:02:55,848
FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
Athletes, please take your lanes...

37
00:02:56,013 --> 00:02:58,732
...for the Men 's 500 Meter Limbo.

38
00:02:58,893 --> 00:03:03,887
Hermes Conrad, is that you inside
that dumpy little fat man?

39
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:06,487
Barbados Slim!
What are you doing here?

40
00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:10,441
-Last time I heard, you were in Barbados.
-Yes, and I'll be going back there. . .

41
00:03:10,613 --> 00:03:16,210
. . .with a gold medal draped around
my elegant Caribbean shoulders.

42
00:03:17,173 --> 00:03:20,131
Your body may be as perfectly sculpted
as it was 20 years ago. . .

43
00:03:20,293 --> 00:03:22,443
. . .when you whupped my fat ass
every time.

44
00:03:22,613 --> 00:03:27,243
But today, I feel lucky.

45
00:03:27,453 --> 00:03:32,573
I see you're still able to limbo
under the bar of fashion sense.

46
00:03:33,253 --> 00:03:36,689
That's it, Barbados Slim!
You've gone one toke over the line!

47
00:03:36,853 --> 00:03:39,572
Limbo-ers, on your marks.

48
00:03:39,813 --> 00:03:44,409
Get rubbery. Limbo!

49
00:03:44,613 --> 00:03:47,332
MALE ANNOUNCER: There they go!
And Barbados Slim takes an early lead.

50
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:49,006
God, I hope he wins.

51
00:03:50,973 --> 00:03:53,806
What's this?
Hermes Conrad is closing the gap.

52
00:03:53,973 --> 00:03:56,771
He's limboed out of retirement
and straight into my heart.

53
00:03:56,933 --> 00:04:00,130
I say, "Go to hell, Barbados Slim!"

54
00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:01,846
-Go, body suit! Go!
-Come on!

55
00:04:03,533 --> 00:04:06,650
Come on, Hermes!
Beat that mahogany god!

56
00:04:06,893 --> 00:04:08,884
MALE ANNOUNCER:
It's Barbados, then Conrad.

57
00:04:09,093 --> 00:04:11,766
Conrad pulls ahead.

58
00:04:20,333 --> 00:04:22,244
And Conrad is disqualified!

59
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:25,883
Barbados Slim, my hero, takes the gold!

60
00:04:26,973 --> 00:04:30,090
Oh, there, there, Hermes.
You did your best.

61
00:04:30,253 --> 00:04:32,608
If I'd wanted a human adonis
for a husband. . .

62
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,923
. . .I'd have stayed married
to Barbados Slim.

63
00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:38,411
Well, enough about Hermes.
I couldn't win a medal either.

64
00:04:38,573 --> 00:04:41,087
Even at bending,
the thing I was built to do.

65
00:04:41,253 --> 00:04:44,723
I'm so embarrassed.
I wish everybody else was dead.

66
00:04:44,933 --> 00:04:48,005
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Up next,
the Fem-bot Bending Competition.

67
00:04:48,173 --> 00:04:50,323
Fem-bots?

68
00:04:50,493 --> 00:04:53,405
Methinks a clever man-bot,
suitably disguised. . .

69
00:04:53,573 --> 00:04:55,325
. . .might win those events.

70
00:04:55,493 --> 00:05:00,248
But the charade would require
subtlety, nuance, grace.

71
00:05:00,493 --> 00:05:02,211
What do you mean I'm not registered?

72
00:05:02,373 --> 00:05:06,252
My name is Coilette,
and I'm from Robonia.

73
00:05:06,413 --> 00:05:08,483
-Coilette's a chick's name.
-Yes.

74
00:05:08,653 --> 00:05:11,884
But "Robonia" sounds like something
somebody made up on the spot.

75
00:05:12,093 --> 00:05:14,527
Ever been beaten up by a guy
dressed like a chick?

76
00:05:14,733 --> 00:05:16,291
Yeah.

77
00:05:16,493 --> 00:05:17,482
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

78
00:05:21,493 --> 00:05:24,007
MALE ANNOUNCER:
And it's straight! Coilette wins!

79
00:05:28,293 --> 00:05:32,366
Another gold medal for
the spunky maid from Robonia!

80
00:05:32,573 --> 00:05:34,643
[BEEPING]

81
00:05:36,573 --> 00:05:40,248
A perfect bend and a flawless entry.
No splash at all!

82
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:47,284
Perfect scores!
A record five gold medals for Coilette!

83
00:05:47,493 --> 00:05:49,609
I'm great! Everybody else sucks!

84
00:05:49,773 --> 00:05:53,561
Except that guy Bender.
He's really something.

85
00:05:53,733 --> 00:05:56,088
FEMALE ANNOUNCER:
All medalists report for gender testing.

86
00:05:56,253 --> 00:05:57,242
[GROANS]

87
00:05:57,653 --> 00:06:01,487
You actually thought they'd let you walk
away without an engine-oil sex check?

88
00:06:01,693 --> 00:06:04,127
Oh, God! I'm not gonna get my medals!

89
00:06:04,293 --> 00:06:06,887
They're all I have to remember
my Olympic career!

90
00:06:07,053 --> 00:06:08,645
Wait! I've got it!

91
00:06:08,813 --> 00:06:13,648
-Professor, make a woman out of me!
-Oh, I think we should just stay friends.

92
00:06:13,853 --> 00:06:17,732
I don't need friends! I need a sex-change
operation, and give it to me now!

93
00:06:17,933 --> 00:06:22,051
Bender, a robot sex change is a complex
and dangerous procedure.

94
00:06:22,213 --> 00:06:25,171
Replacing your testoster-oil
with fem-bot lubricants. . .

95
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:29,724
. . .can cause wild mood swings.
And the effects may be irreversible.

96
00:06:29,893 --> 00:06:32,805
-Well, let's get started.
-No! You can't!

97
00:06:32,973 --> 00:06:36,045
If you have even the slightest respect
for the dignity of women--

98
00:06:36,253 --> 00:06:37,242
Pfft.

99
00:06:37,413 --> 00:06:41,042
I'm sorry, ladies, but I must do this.
Not for you. Not for Bender.

100
00:06:41,213 --> 00:06:43,966
But for the proud people of Robonia!

101
00:06:48,173 --> 00:06:50,084
Come on. Come on. Come on.

102
00:06:52,773 --> 00:06:55,685
I can't watch this 'cause it's creepy
and wrong and sick.

103
00:06:55,853 --> 00:06:58,651
-However, I will watch out of curiosity.
-Quiet!

104
00:06:58,813 --> 00:07:02,249
I'm about to begin the process
of reshaping Bender's body. . .

105
00:07:02,413 --> 00:07:05,371
. . .into a tender, delicate form.

106
00:07:05,573 --> 00:07:09,486
BENDER:
Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! Hey!

107
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,966
Draining male oil.

108
00:07:18,973 --> 00:07:20,326
[GROANS]

109
00:07:21,453 --> 00:07:24,286
Infusing female oil.

110
00:07:24,613 --> 00:07:26,569
[GLUGGING]

111
00:07:26,853 --> 00:07:28,764
Removing item.

112
00:07:31,893 --> 00:07:33,770
We can't wait for Coilette any longer!

113
00:07:33,973 --> 00:07:36,487
I have to get home to watch
The Zombie Osbournes.

114
00:07:36,893 --> 00:07:39,407
BENDER IN FEMALE VOICE:
I'm ready for my test now, boys.

115
00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,609
Hail, hail Robonia

116
00:07:45,773 --> 00:07:49,732
A land I didn 't make up

117
00:07:55,973 --> 00:07:59,090
Yeah, come on, baby. Take that.
Goodness.

118
00:07:59,293 --> 00:08:03,127
Oh, yeah, baby. Come on.
Work your cans. Now, shake it out.

119
00:08:03,333 --> 00:08:06,166
I don't know which I'm more:
enraged or disgusted.

120
00:08:06,373 --> 00:08:08,489
I'm just out there making us ladies
look good.

121
00:08:08,693 --> 00:08:12,572
Snuh-uh. You're making us look like
jerks in front of the other genders!

122
00:08:12,773 --> 00:08:16,163
-You're not really a lady anyway, right?
-Of course not.

123
00:08:16,973 --> 00:08:18,691
Dear Lord, a coaster!

124
00:08:18,853 --> 00:08:22,448
The Femmzoil must be sashaying girlishly
into your processor.

125
00:08:22,613 --> 00:08:26,401
Then change me back. My breasts
are keeping me awake at night anyway.

126
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,768
[PHONE RINGS]
Ooh-ooh!

127
00:08:29,013 --> 00:08:30,731
Hello? What?

128
00:08:30,893 --> 00:08:33,566
A guest spot on Late Night
With Humorbot 5. 0?

129
00:08:33,733 --> 00:08:37,646
I'd love to! My own limo?

130
00:08:37,813 --> 00:08:40,850
No, I don't have my own limo.
You'd better send one.

131
00:08:41,333 --> 00:08:44,052
I need a rain check on that nad swap,
professor.

132
00:08:44,213 --> 00:08:48,092
I'm going on TV. Come on, Fry.
Help me pick out a pantsuit.

133
00:08:48,893 --> 00:08:50,406
[FRY GROANS]

134
00:08:52,253 --> 00:08:56,724
So, Calculon, do you want to set up
this clip from All My Circuits?

135
00:08:56,933 --> 00:08:59,527
No, I think it's self-explanatory.

136
00:09:02,493 --> 00:09:07,567
No!

137
00:09:11,173 --> 00:09:14,245
Funny story.
The script called for me to say "yes. "

138
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,525
-But I gave it a little twist.
-Anecdote accepted.

139
00:09:17,693 --> 00:09:19,331
Snappy comeback not found.

140
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:22,053
Please put your hands together
for my next guest. . .

141
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:26,445
. . .winner of five Olympic medals,
Coilette from Robonia.

142
00:09:26,773 --> 00:09:28,729
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

143
00:09:33,093 --> 00:09:37,052
So, Coilette, many young fem-bots
wish to emulate you.

144
00:09:37,213 --> 00:09:39,647
-Any advice for them?
-Yes, Humorbot.

145
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:42,532
If you ask me, women today
are too stuck-up. . .

146
00:09:42,693 --> 00:09:45,730
. . .to go out and jiggle their Jell-O
like everybody wants them to.

147
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,924
In fact, should I do it now?

148
00:09:48,093 --> 00:09:50,004
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

149
00:09:50,213 --> 00:09:51,965
All right, then.

150
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,806
Look out, baby! Good. Work it out.
Oh, shake that thing.

151
00:09:54,973 --> 00:09:57,123
You got to use it, lady.
Shake it up a little.

152
00:09:57,293 --> 00:09:59,966
That's right. Come on. Work it out.

153
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,771
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

154
00:10:04,973 --> 00:10:07,567
Madam, I am one impressed celebrity.

155
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:12,284
Oh, I bet you say that to all the five-
Olympic-gold-medal-winning fem-bots.

156
00:10:12,493 --> 00:10:15,291
From this day forth,
I shall do so whenever possible.

157
00:10:15,493 --> 00:10:17,370
Golly! What?

158
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:21,009
-Coilette, this may be presumptuous. . .
-That's my favorite kind of "this. "

159
00:10:21,173 --> 00:10:24,882
. . .but I would be honored if you would
join me for dinner sometime.

160
00:10:25,093 --> 00:10:27,288
Woo. . . .

161
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:32,567
Calculon, you'd be fulfilling
this naive Robonian farm girl's fantasy.

162
00:10:32,773 --> 00:10:33,922
Of course I would.

163
00:10:35,853 --> 00:10:39,812
This top makes me look fat.
Is it trampy to go on a first date nude?

164
00:10:40,053 --> 00:10:42,442
-Yes!
-Perfect!

165
00:10:42,773 --> 00:10:46,163
You've gotta tell me. You're not
actually attracted to Calculon, right?

166
00:10:46,373 --> 00:10:49,092
-And if you are, don't tell me. Are you?
-Certainly not.

167
00:10:49,253 --> 00:10:53,007
But just once I'd like to eat dinner with
a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged.

168
00:10:53,173 --> 00:10:54,845
Is that so much to ask?

169
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:57,089
I think you dating a man-bot
is a disgrace.

170
00:10:57,253 --> 00:11:00,882
And I refuse to be involved.
And you have way too much lipstick on.

171
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:04,369
Are you kidding? I need more lipstick!
Much more!

172
00:11:06,173 --> 00:11:09,483
Yeah, that's the stuff.
Men love it when you really glob it on.

173
00:11:09,693 --> 00:11:10,808
-No, they don't!
-No way!

174
00:11:11,013 --> 00:11:14,369
Oh, please! Every man wants a tramp.

175
00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:17,650
No wonder you girls aren't married.

176
00:11:17,813 --> 00:11:22,329
I tell you, men are so much better
at being women.

177
00:11:22,533 --> 00:11:25,570
But what if he wants to--?
I mean, if he tries to--?

178
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:27,652
Barry White?

179
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:32,210
I'll tell him I need a commitment first.
That'll stick a potato in his tailpipe.

180
00:11:32,413 --> 00:11:34,973
Good Lord, man!
What kind of temporary woman are you?

181
00:11:35,173 --> 00:11:37,562
Look, why don't all of you
just back off?

182
00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:41,686
Can't a girl enjoy herself
without being judged?

183
00:11:44,093 --> 00:11:47,165
Oh, dear!
Her mood swings are getting wilder.

184
00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:50,803
She's becoming a slave to her emotions.
Just like all women.

185
00:11:50,973 --> 00:11:53,362
Particularly you, Leela.

186
00:11:53,533 --> 00:11:55,489
I'm worried about him too, professor.

187
00:12:00,293 --> 00:12:04,889
Hey, ma'am, you sure can put it away.
You saved me a trip to the dump. Bam!

188
00:12:05,093 --> 00:12:07,846
I'd appreciate it if you didn't
"bam" the young lady.

189
00:12:08,053 --> 00:12:11,602
Well, I'd appreciate it if I did,
so I guess we're even.

190
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:16,051
You know, Coilette, I've never before
met a woman as fascinating as I am.

191
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:20,650
You're such a sweet, soft fem-bot,
yet you have this free spirit about you.

192
00:12:20,813 --> 00:12:21,802
[BELCHES]

193
00:12:21,973 --> 00:12:26,330
And there it is. It's as if you understand
the male mind better than l.

194
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:30,011
-I've never met anyone like you.
-Oh, yes, you have.

195
00:12:30,213 --> 00:12:34,650
Coilette, I'd like to spend
some quality time with you.

196
00:12:35,373 --> 00:12:39,764
What? Oh, no way! Not gonna happen!
What kind of girl do you think I am?

197
00:12:39,973 --> 00:12:43,602
Have I mentioned that I own the world's
biggest and most elegant yacht?

198
00:12:44,893 --> 00:12:45,928
[TOM JONES' "SHE'S A LADY" PLAYS]

199
00:12:51,133 --> 00:12:52,646
[BENDER GIGGLING]

200
00:12:53,933 --> 00:12:55,286
[YELLING]

201
00:13:06,693 --> 00:13:08,092
[GRUNTING]

202
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:14,041
Whoo! I'm a trophy girlfriend!

203
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:17,211
No kidding.
These gifts have been coming nonstop.

204
00:13:17,773 --> 00:13:20,526
I think Calculon's falling for you.

205
00:13:20,693 --> 00:13:22,012
[BARKING]

206
00:13:22,253 --> 00:13:25,768
Ah, any day now he'll dump me
for a new wad of arm candy.

207
00:13:25,933 --> 00:13:29,846
And then I can turn back into a guy
and hock all this stuff. It's just a game.

208
00:13:31,893 --> 00:13:35,681
Coilette, I can't stop thinking about you.
I can't sleep at night!

209
00:13:35,853 --> 00:13:37,969
Although, as a robot,
I don't do that anyway.

210
00:13:38,133 --> 00:13:41,205
But if I did, I couldn't
because I love you so.

211
00:13:41,413 --> 00:13:43,404
Oh, my darling.

212
00:13:44,853 --> 00:13:46,206
Will you marry me?

213
00:13:49,173 --> 00:13:52,370
Oh, Calculon. Yes, I will!

214
00:13:55,173 --> 00:13:57,448
Maybe she's right about the lipstick.

215
00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:05,088
I'll miss you. You've been like a brother
and then a sister to me.

216
00:14:05,253 --> 00:14:08,165
And now you're getting married.
I love you, man.

217
00:14:08,333 --> 00:14:11,006
-The marriage is a scam.
-Cool. What's for dinner?

218
00:14:11,213 --> 00:14:14,489
-What do you mean, a scam?
-I marry Calculon, divorce him. . .

219
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:17,531
. . .take half his money
and turn back into a guy.

220
00:14:17,693 --> 00:14:19,604
It's sort of a two-person
pyramid scheme.

221
00:14:19,773 --> 00:14:23,368
-That's marriage, all right.
-That is so unbelievably manipulative!

222
00:14:23,573 --> 00:14:26,610
You never went on a date with a guy
just 'cause you were hungry?

223
00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:30,962
I, uh. . . . I thought I might like him
on a full stomach.

224
00:14:31,173 --> 00:14:32,526
Nice try, sister.

225
00:14:32,693 --> 00:14:36,129
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to meet with my wedding planner.

226
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:38,488
Zoidberg?

227
00:14:38,693 --> 00:14:41,924
Zoidy-Poo?
Please tell me frilly is in this year.

228
00:14:42,253 --> 00:14:45,609
I saw a frilly cake in here
you would remember all your life.

229
00:14:45,773 --> 00:14:47,252
I know I will.

230
00:14:47,413 --> 00:14:50,644
Late at night it taunts me
with its frosted beauty.

231
00:14:50,813 --> 00:14:52,485
Order the cake, damn it!

232
00:14:55,533 --> 00:14:56,966
I have something for you.

233
00:14:57,573 --> 00:15:00,326
A remote control? You got me a TV?

234
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,491
No, my dearest.
It's the remote control to my heart.

235
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:07,328
It symbolizes the power you have
to sway my emotions.

236
00:15:07,533 --> 00:15:10,206
-Will it work on my TV?
-We don't need TVs.

237
00:15:10,373 --> 00:15:11,931
We have each other.

238
00:15:12,093 --> 00:15:14,891
Coilette, if I weren't able
to spend my life with you. . .

239
00:15:15,053 --> 00:15:17,362
. . .I would leap from this very balloon.

240
00:15:17,573 --> 00:15:20,326
-Come on with that. Really?
-Yes.

241
00:15:20,493 --> 00:15:24,202
We were meant to be.

242
00:15:24,613 --> 00:15:27,923
So you really and truly love me?

243
00:15:28,133 --> 00:15:32,604
So much so that I'm prepared to give up
show business itself to be with you.

244
00:15:33,253 --> 00:15:35,892
But you always said
you'd rather burn down a convent. . .

245
00:15:36,053 --> 00:15:39,045
-. . .than give up show business.
-I always said many things.

246
00:15:39,213 --> 00:15:44,082
But now all I want is a peaceful life
in a quiet villa overlooking a vineyard. . .

247
00:15:44,293 --> 00:15:46,249
. . .with you.

248
00:15:46,773 --> 00:15:49,845
-Would we have donkeys?
-All you could eat.

249
00:15:50,013 --> 00:15:54,404
Oh, take me in your arms
and compress me! Compress me tight!

250
00:15:54,573 --> 00:15:57,167
Stop! Let us climb to the heavens. . .

251
00:15:57,333 --> 00:16:01,121
. . .that the gods themselves
might envy us!

252
00:16:01,613 --> 00:16:03,365
[BEEPING]

253
00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:04,852
[CRASHES]

254
00:16:07,413 --> 00:16:10,928
I just don't think I can go through
with this scam.

255
00:16:11,093 --> 00:16:13,209
-What?
-So now you do want to marry him?

256
00:16:13,413 --> 00:16:16,723
No. I just don't want to hurt him
or humiliate him.

257
00:16:16,933 --> 00:16:19,970
Oh, curse this woman's heart!

258
00:16:22,933 --> 00:16:23,922
Ick.

259
00:16:24,093 --> 00:16:27,244
You're falling into the final
debilitating stages of womanhood!

260
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:30,251
You've waited too long to switch back,
you dingbat!

261
00:16:30,653 --> 00:16:32,609
Okay, look, if I help you with this. . .

262
00:16:32,773 --> 00:16:35,446
. . .do you promise to get out
of my gender and stay out?

263
00:16:36,013 --> 00:16:37,002
Uh-huh.

264
00:16:37,213 --> 00:16:41,126
All right. Now, there's no way to stop
this marriage without hurting Calculon.

265
00:16:41,293 --> 00:16:44,171
But he's an actor. If there's one kind
of pain he can handle. . .

266
00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:45,812
. . .it's soap opera pain.

267
00:16:46,013 --> 00:16:47,765
[CHURCH BELL RINGS]

268
00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:52,051
[ORGAN PLAYING]

269
00:16:58,693 --> 00:17:00,524
-Okay, is everyone ready?
-Yep!

270
00:17:00,733 --> 00:17:02,291
-Check.
-Basically.

271
00:17:02,493 --> 00:17:05,212
Dearly beloved actors
and casting people. . .

272
00:17:05,373 --> 00:17:08,206
. . .who might be looking for someone
to play a preacher. . .

273
00:17:08,373 --> 00:17:10,489
. . .I welcome you!

274
00:17:10,693 --> 00:17:12,365
The bride has written some vows. . .

275
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:15,809
. . .that we will now all pretend
to be interested in.

276
00:17:16,053 --> 00:17:19,090
Dearest Calculon,
forever is not enough time. . .

277
00:17:19,253 --> 00:17:22,325
. . .to tell you of the many ways
I love you.

278
00:17:22,493 --> 00:17:23,528
[GROANS]
[PEOPLE GASPING]

279
00:17:23,693 --> 00:17:25,524
-Oh, my!
-Is there a doctor in--?

280
00:17:25,693 --> 00:17:27,285
I came as soon as I could.

281
00:17:28,373 --> 00:17:32,161
Oh, it appears to be a case
of African hydraulic fever!

282
00:17:32,373 --> 00:17:36,685
Dear God! The very illness my TV
character caught in season two. . .

283
00:17:36,853 --> 00:17:40,129
. . .when I was holding out
for more money. It's often fatal.

284
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,688
Whatever happens, remember:

285
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:47,131
The flame of my eternal love
will burn forever.

286
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:51,485
Of course. But, smoochy-pops, I thought
one could only catch hydraulic fever. . .

287
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,644
. . .deep in the diamond mines
of the Congo.

288
00:17:53,813 --> 00:17:55,804
LEELA:
Coilette! You she-devil!

289
00:17:56,013 --> 00:17:59,688
You really thought you could steal those
diamonds from me and Congo Jack?

290
00:17:59,893 --> 00:18:02,453
Those gems belong to the natives!

291
00:18:02,653 --> 00:18:04,211
Hee-ya!

292
00:18:04,973 --> 00:18:08,727
Oh, how cruel and melodramatic fate is!

293
00:18:09,173 --> 00:18:12,802
Why?

294
00:18:13,213 --> 00:18:18,492
Calculon, my darling, your loud "why"
brought me partway back to life.

295
00:18:20,853 --> 00:18:21,842
[PEOPLE GASPING]

296
00:18:22,053 --> 00:18:25,045
-Congo Jack!
-Another shocking twist!

297
00:18:26,533 --> 00:18:29,252
Yes! And I have a message for you
from Col. Matombay.

298
00:18:29,413 --> 00:18:32,086
He says, "This is from Congo Jack. "

299
00:18:33,093 --> 00:18:34,651
Uh, um. . . .

300
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,451
[GROANS]

301
00:18:37,013 --> 00:18:39,925
No. No!

302
00:18:40,093 --> 00:18:44,371
N-O-O-O!

303
00:18:44,573 --> 00:18:45,892
I won't leave you.

304
00:18:46,053 --> 00:18:49,887
Not until I'm sure you understand
the thing I said before. . .

305
00:18:50,053 --> 00:18:52,806
. . .about my eternal love for you burning.

306
00:18:53,013 --> 00:18:54,731
[GASPS]

307
00:18:54,973 --> 00:18:57,612
-Et cetera.
-I do.

308
00:18:58,773 --> 00:19:01,048
-I do.
-Okay, then.

309
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:03,643
[GROANS]

310
00:19:05,733 --> 00:19:07,769
I'm a doctor. She's dead.

311
00:19:08,013 --> 00:19:10,573
She lives no more.

312
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:15,363
But let us all find comfort,
knowing that she truly loved me.

313
00:19:15,533 --> 00:19:21,085
To honor my pain, I shall star in a film
dedicated to her memory.

314
00:19:21,253 --> 00:19:24,529
And this time,
the Academy will not deny me.

315
00:19:24,693 --> 00:19:29,084
Not when they see
Coilette: The Calculon Story.

316
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:30,806
[ORGAN PLAYING]

317
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:37,322
Coilette, your death fills me
with sorrow, anger, fear.

318
00:19:37,493 --> 00:19:40,132
Every emotion an actor can display.

319
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,605
Turn off that crap-o-rama!

320
00:19:42,813 --> 00:19:45,407
One mistake and Bender will be trapped
forever. . .

321
00:19:45,573 --> 00:19:48,485
. . .between the already ill-defined
robot sexes.

322
00:19:48,733 --> 00:19:50,928
Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ah!

323
00:19:51,133 --> 00:19:55,092
I hope this taught you a lesson about
changing your sex to win gold medals.

324
00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:56,567
It truly has.

325
00:19:56,733 --> 00:20:00,408
My romance with Calculon
has shown me a lot about myself.

326
00:20:00,613 --> 00:20:04,401
-Almost done.
-If only somehow, some way. . .

327
00:20:04,573 --> 00:20:08,407
IN MALE VOICE: . . .he and I could drive
to Vegas, pick up some floozy-bots. . .

328
00:20:08,613 --> 00:20:12,288
. . .and void their warranties
all night long! Whoo!

329
00:20:12,493 --> 00:20:16,281
Yay! My buddy's home! And his respect
for women is back to normal.

330
00:20:16,453 --> 00:20:20,969
I hoped this experience would have left
you more open to your sensitive side.

331
00:20:21,173 --> 00:20:24,131
Yeah, you'd think,
but what you gonna do?

332
00:20:25,373 --> 00:20:27,170
[ORGAN PLAYS]

333
00:20:27,493 --> 00:20:30,883
Coilette, the skies themselves weep...

334
00:20:31,093 --> 00:20:33,971
...upon the sweetest flower
of all the field.

335
00:20:34,173 --> 00:20:35,401
[SIGHING]

336
00:20:35,573 --> 00:20:36,892
-Ew.
-Blech.

337
00:20:37,053 --> 00:20:40,090
-Sentimental dribble poop!
-Come on, Bender, let's go.

338
00:20:40,293 --> 00:20:42,932
-This chick flick is getting me all barfy.
-Yeah.

339
00:20:43,093 --> 00:20:46,085
Emotions are dumb and should be hated.

340
00:20:47,893 --> 00:20:50,612
Good night forever, my turtledove.

341
00:20:50,813 --> 00:20:53,532
-Good night, Calculon.
-What did you say?

342
00:20:53,733 --> 00:20:56,486
I said,
"You two don't dress trampy enough! "

343
00:20:56,693 --> 00:20:58,490
I still got it.

344
00:20:59,305 --> 00:21:59,919
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org