(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
Previously on Futurama...
(PLAYING TUNE)
-The truth is you're a mind-reader. -Oh, my God.
Leeches may not be cuddly like pandas or tribbles,
but these poor endangered creatures deserve...
(SCREAMS)
You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization,
and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf.
-The fate of the universe depends on you. -Yeah, I get that a lot.
LEELA: It's amazing. It's like a textbook on evolution.
Except in Kansas.
I smell sabotage.
Feministas, unite.
-Not so fast, Brannigan. -Even less fast, Feministas.
(ALL GASP)
Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com
Oyez, oyez, oyez.
All rise for the Honorable Chief Justice D-O-G-G
and the associate justices.
Yo, seat it or beat it.
The charges against y'all Femditos is murder, mayhem,
vandalism, kidnapping and resisting arrest.
Damn. The big five.
You may now make your opening what-you-gots-to-say-for-yourselves.
May it please the court...
-I mean, may it plizzle the cazizzle... -Proceed.
These charges are outrageous.
Our only goal was to save a rare violet star
and its precious ecosystem.
If protecting the environment is a crime, then...
-Protecting the environment is a crime. -(CLEARS THROAT) I rest my mouth.
Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
I... Well, now I... Am I under oath when I take the oath?
Can the witness identify the Feminista leader?
That's her right there,
with the "I'm gonna kill you, Bender" look in her eye.
Hey, aren't you the robot who robbed me at gunpoint last year?
No further answers, Your Honor.
Please, Justice Dogg. Leela and her friends are completely innocent.
Hold up. Were you or were you not abducted by these hos?
Well, "abducted" is such an ugly word.
-(MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES) -Yeah.
Having heard some of the testimony over these jams I been listening to,
me and my crew will now kick it in the mix.
(GASP)
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-(BONES CRACK) -(YELPS)
All right, we got us a verdict up in this high court.
Bailiff, drop it like it's legal precedent.
In the matter of Leo Wong v. the Greeñorita Ecofeminist Collective,
four justices vote to convict, five to acquit.
(CHEERING)
However, since the vote was strictly along gender lines,
and the female justices' votes only count half, you are hereby found guilty.
(EXCLAIMING)
It's a humiliating and biased system. But it works.
Fifty years in the maximum security dogghouse.
Ladies, welcome to hell.
Beats Nutley on a Saturday night.
This is a privately-owned, for-profit prison,
and I run a tight, cheap ship.
I've done this by cutting costs everywhere,
especially on punishment.
I rely on you inmates to make prison unpleasant for yourselves.
You're encouraged to sexually harass new prisoners,
organize no-holds-barred catfights, and maintain poor hygiene.
-Try and make me, copper. -Oh! A troublemaker.
Taste the lash of my 99 Cent Store nightstick.
(SQUEAKS)
Yee-haw!
With the Feministas in jail, it full speed ahead.
(SIGHS) You and me, Fry, we implode the violet dwarf star tomorrow.
Kaboom-boom.
-You and me? -Yeah.
-Tomorrow? -Tomorrow.
-Kaboom? -Kaboom-boom.
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
Hello? Mad Fellows? I need to...
(GROANS)
Okay. Leo Wong's about to destroy the violet dwarf,
so whatever I need to know to stop him, tell me now.
Alas, stopping Wong isn't the only problem.
One of the Dark Ones will try to stop you from stopping him.
So you must stop it from stopping you from stopping him.
But how can I stop it stop me stop him?
Stop it. Behold, the Omega Device.
(ALL MURMURING)
-That's it? -The important thing is what's inside.
-What does that look like? -No one knows, man.
It was invented by a blind inventor,
and the one dude he described it to was deaf.
So the legend goes.
When activated, the device will emit a localized blast of delta-band noise
to momentarily disable the Dark One.
But the Dark One could look like anything or anyone, right?
-Or anywhere. -So what's your plan to recognize it?
-We don't have one. -Got it.
And we don't dare think of one, neither, 'cause if we do,
the Dark Ones might sense kind of the general vibe,
even through our mighty foil.
Oh, man. Anyone got some tape or some gum?
As my colleague indicated, the plan cannot come from us, Fry.
We were counting on you and your unreadable brain
to come up with something.
-That was a mistake. -I see that now.
Freaky thing is, the Dark Ones' thoughts are unreadable, just like yours.
Yes. If we dared unwrap our heads,
we could easily locate the one other being whose mind we can't read. The Dark One.
But then the Dark One would read our minds and crush them like blood pumpkins.
Wait. I can read minds, and my mind can't be read.
-I have a plan. -Great. Whatever it is, don't tell us.
Wait. Fry can read minds, and his mind can't be read.
So he could safely scan for the Dark One...
-Shut up. Shut up. -...whose mind is, you know...
ALL: La la la la la la la!
MAN: Leela, time is running out. We must getto the violet star.
Okay, okay, shut up already.
(ALL EXCLAIM IN CONFUSION)
Nobody's talking, Leela.
We're just painting each other's toenails with rat blood.
We now go live to Leela with the escape plan.
-Leela? -Thanks, Linda.
Now, we're in here because we tried to save endangered wildlife.
So this time, endangered wildlife will save us.
(ALL GASP)
The Martian muck-leech.
(GROANS) Little cutie almost sucked me dry.
(STRAINS)
(EXHALES)
(ALL CHEERING)
Look at him go, like a green snake through a sugarcane cake.
(BEEPS) Keep trying.
(RATTLES)
Our top story, the universe's most wanted ecofeminists are now behind bars,
including gang leader Turanga Leela, aka the Notorious B.I. Itch.
We finished unpinking the ship, Hubert. Now what?
Now we get back to work.
And if that means destroying an ecosystem or two, so be it.
I just meant, without our good friends Fry, Leela, Amy and the robot...
Boo-hoo.
Life goes on, but I believe we'll forever carry the pain on the inside.
(CROWING)
Oh, no. A rooster. That indicates it's the following morning.
(ALL GRUMBLE)
How's that creepy crawler doing?
I'm sorry, Femisisters, but it pooped out around 3:00 a.m.
Poor thing couldn't take another bite.
Ow!
Well, I guess we failed.
But what matters is we tried our best and we looked good doing it.
(RUMBLING)
Bender?
Who's it look like, my identical cousin Buster?
-Yes. -(ALL CHEERING)
You're here to break us out? But you're the one who put us in.
Ah! But I'm Bender, king of the combination shot.
I put you in so that by busting you out, I could commit 15 felonies at once,
putting my rap sheet miles ahead of yours on the all-time chart.
You are one devious bastard.
That's what it says on my vanity plate.
What about the sentries? Okay, plan B.
Everyone knows men have one fatal weakness. They can't resist hookers.
Dixie, Trixie, you know what to do.
(IN FALSETTO) Hello, boys.
Your eyes say "no," but your machine gunfire says...
Ladies and gentlemen and whatever,
welcome to my most environmentally disastrous implosion ever.
A whole star system.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Kif, old boy, mind if I sit on your shoulders for a better view?
Actually, sir, I was hoping... (SIGHS)
My associate Philip Fry here will have honor to blow this ugly, dirty star
into nice clean black hole.
Fry, what you doing down there?
I... Just polishing your shoes, Mr. W.
Mmm. That nice. Get between the toes there. Very dirty.
(KLAXON BLARING)
-Well, so much for plan B. -What's plan C?
All situations have the same plan C. Bending. Come on.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(STRAINING)
We're boned, Bender. It's a brick wall.
Granted, it's not on the list of approved bendables,
but I'm
so
great.
(DOGS BARKING)
Dogs. The boning continues.
Green Bluebird, this is Mr. Fabulous. We are go for cheesing it.
(HOWLS)
Professor? Hermes? Zoidberg?
Uhh...
-Scruffy, a janitor. -You helped us escape?
Even after we locked you in a go-go cage like common go-go dancers?
I couldn't live with myself, Leela. Oh, I call myself a scientist. (SCOFFS)
Wear the white coat and probe a monkey every now and again.
Yet I put monetary gain ahead of preserving nature.
-Can you ever forgive me? -I reckon.
-I could kiss you, Professor. -Okay, but watch out for my new grill.
(CHEERING)
Before the grand finally, as it were,
it seems only fitting that I, Commodore 64 Zapp Brannigan,
say a few brief pages in honor of...
Whatever your plan is, Fry, I suggest you get on with it.
Aw, shoot. I got hot sauce on my number nine shirt.
Okay, locate the Dark One
by finding someone whose thoughts I can't read.
And unaccustomed...
By God, I'm the greatest speaker of all time.
They're suckling at the teats of my every syllable.
Allow me now...
(GROANS) His voice is like ear sandpaper. I miss Amy.
(SIGHS) If I had all the money in the world, I'd...
Oh, wait. I do. (LAUGHING)
I'd like to thankthe Academy, my agent,
and most of all, my operating system, Windows 7,for everything it...
System error.
Naked ladies, naked ladies, naked ladies...
I never should have taken that accent elimination class from Jackie Chan.
And so, as we obliterize this star,
let us remember those immortal words once spoken by a great man, moi, and I quote,
"All good things must come to an end, preferably in a humongous explosion."
(ALL CHEERING)
Let's pop this beach ball.
Ten, nine, eight...
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
There's no one here whose thoughts can't be read.
No one. Except me.
My thoughts can't be read. But that's crazy.
If I were the Dark One, I'd know it.Wouldn't I?
But here I am, right where the Dark One would be,
about to blow up the star.
Oh, God. Somewhere deep inside of me, it's me.
-...two, one. -I'm the Dark One.
-(CRASHING) -ALL: Whoa!
Put your hands in the air.
(ALL GASP)
Should we wave them like we just don't care?
That's optional.
You girl punks gone too far this time. Your parents should be ashamed.
Yes, you should.
(BOTH GASP)
-Amy. -Destroy the star, Leo. Hurry.
You got it, Mr. Voice in My Head.
(VOCALIZES)
I got to admit, Amy. You got a pretty good swing.
Really? Thanks, Dad.
Ooh!
Okay, time to defuse this star-cracker once and for all.
Leela, wait. You're making a mistake. You have no idea what's really going on.
-What is really going on? -I can't tell you.
Then why should I trust you? Why?
Because... Because...
You're you. That's all I need to know.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
-Fiddlesticks. -Leela, are you crazy?
We became fugitives and jailbreakers to stop him.
-And hookers. Don't forget hookers. -Shame on all of you.
After everything we've been through together, do you really think Fry would...
(ALL GASP)
Goodbye, Leela. I destroy myself to save you.
Where's the boom? I was expecting a boom.
It didn't work. I'm the Dark One, and it didn't do anything.
-You're not the Dark One. I am. -Leela?
Not Leela, you moron. Me.
(SCREAMS)
What did you do to me?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Eww!
I am the Dark One, the very last Dark One.
How is it possible I couldn't read your mind?
I am momentarily disabled.
(DISTANT RUMBLING)
(GASPS) What's happening out there?
Somethings wondersful.
The star and the asteroid, they were an egg and a sperm.
Great modem of mercy. Cover the children's eyes.
-There are no children here. -Then move your fat head. I can't see.
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
The Encyclopod is reborn. A new green age has begun.
So the legend foretold.
Look. Inside its pouch. Extinct Tasmanian tigers.
AMY: And dodo birds. LEELA: And white rhinos.
FARNSWORTH: And striped biologist-taunters.
What are you gonna do? Shoot us?
Life.
(ALL GASP)
These once-extinct plants and animals are my gift to the universe.
Through untold generations, my race has treasured their DNA.
Treat them wisely, with the knowledge that all species are precious.
This is unbelievable. What's going on?
To answer that, I must tell you a story,
a story of two alien species so ancient that...
(SCREAMS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Hutch, are you okay?
-My sister's feminecklace. -What?
Ow!
Hey, how come I can't read your thoughts anymore?
I shall avenge you, Hutch Waterfall.
(SCREAMS)
After all these eons, the Dark Ones are no more.
Will you preserve their DNA, O Great Encyclopod?
Um, I suppose I should. Wait. Where'd it go?
What?
Well, at any rate, I shall preserve the DNA of Homo sapiens.
Huh. I thought you only saved the DNA of endangered species.
Farewell.
I guess he didn't hear me.
Well, looks like that wraps everything up in a nice big old fat sack of...
I hereby arrest you fugitives on 53 counts of fugivity.
Kif, round them up, and spare me the weary sigh for once.
Kif?
(PANTING) Wait for me.
Well, this is the end.
There were so many things I wanted to say to you.
Like what?
Like, "This is not the end," but mostly just I love you, Leela.
(RUMBLING)
Maybe I waited too long to say this, but I love you, too.
-Wormhole. -Sweet topology of cosmology.
It's huge.
If we fly into it, it could take us trillions of light years away.
There's no knowing if we'll ever return.
Well, what do we do? Should we go for it?
Into the breach, meatbags. Or not. Whatever.
(CHANTING) Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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