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Bender:
"Free beer"?!
4
00:00:28,402 --> 00:00:29,655
(Panting)
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Free beer. Free beer.
6
00:00:33,991 --> 00:00:35,679
Free beer.
Free beer.
7
00:00:35,804 --> 00:00:38,705
Free beer-beer-beer-beer-beer-
beer-beer-beer-beer-beer!
8
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:41,218
Free...!
9
00:00:41,343 --> 00:00:42,709
(Birds squawk)
10
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:43,961
(Grunts)
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00:00:46,882 --> 00:00:48,249
(People scream)
12
00:00:52,154 --> 00:00:53,755
(Grunts)
13
00:00:55,324 --> 00:00:58,058
Hello. I'm here for the free beer.
14
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,436
You got it.
15
00:00:59,561 --> 00:01:01,696
Right after these 800 people get it.
16
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:04,642
Beer, beer-beer, beer-beer.
17
00:01:04,767 --> 00:01:06,176
("Stars And Stripes Forever" plays)
18
00:01:06,301 --> 00:01:07,442
Beer?
19
00:01:10,444 --> 00:01:11,382
Ah... yeah!
20
00:01:11,507 --> 00:01:12,650
(Cheers, applause)
21
00:01:12,775 --> 00:01:14,718
Thank you, headless clone of Agnew.
22
00:01:14,843 --> 00:01:16,787
My fellow Earthicans,
23
00:01:16,912 --> 00:01:19,723
I'm proud to announce
I'm running for reelection
24
00:01:19,848 --> 00:01:21,592
as Ppresident of Earth,
25
00:01:21,717 --> 00:01:23,750
the greatest planet in the world.
26
00:01:23,916 --> 00:01:25,502
(Cheering)
27
00:01:25,668 --> 00:01:28,213
Is everyone enjoying their free beer?
28
00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:30,507
(Cheering)
29
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:33,427
Well, there's plenty more
where that came from.
30
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:34,638
(Air hisses)
31
00:01:34,763 --> 00:01:37,241
We're all out of beer.
32
00:01:37,366 --> 00:01:39,267
(Gulping)
33
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,246
All right, listen up, nitwits.
34
00:01:42,371 --> 00:01:43,914
Who here is tired
35
00:01:44,039 --> 00:01:46,784
of illegal space aliens
taking our good earth jobs?
36
00:01:46,909 --> 00:01:48,567
(Crowd cheers)
37
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,054
Me, too.
38
00:01:50,179 --> 00:01:52,623
So, if I'm reelected,
I promise to build
39
00:01:52,748 --> 00:01:54,892
a really big Dyson fence
40
00:01:55,017 --> 00:01:57,534
across the Southern border
of our solar system.
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00:01:57,700 --> 00:01:59,453
(Cheering)
42
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:00,798
And furthermore, by golly,
43
00:02:00,923 --> 00:02:02,933
I promise to cut taxes for the rich
44
00:02:03,058 --> 00:02:06,103
and use the poor
as a cheap source of teeth
45
00:02:06,228 --> 00:02:07,627
for aquarium gravel.
46
00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:10,107
Yeah! That'll show those poor!
47
00:02:10,232 --> 00:02:12,643
Why are you cheering, Fry?
You're not rich.
48
00:02:12,768 --> 00:02:14,778
True, but someday I might be rich.
49
00:02:14,903 --> 00:02:17,448
And then people like me
better watch their step.
50
00:02:17,573 --> 00:02:20,098
(Sighs)
Let's just find Bender.
51
00:02:20,264 --> 00:02:21,609
(Gulping)
52
00:02:25,247 --> 00:02:27,091
Ah, that hit the spot.
53
00:02:27,216 --> 00:02:28,774
I found Bender!
54
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:34,488
Good news, everyone.
55
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,114
(Stammers) Wha...?
56
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,135
I've repaired myself with these
57
00:02:38,260 --> 00:02:39,937
convenient "Reelect Nixon"
ass stickers.
58
00:02:40,062 --> 00:02:41,305
Go Nixon!
59
00:02:41,577 --> 00:02:43,140
Bender, you can't even vote.
60
00:02:43,265 --> 00:02:44,664
You're a convicted felon.
61
00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,944
Convicted, sentenced and executed.
62
00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:49,546
But Nixon passed a law that
says ex-cons can vote again...
63
00:02:49,671 --> 00:02:51,630
As long as they vote for Nixon.
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00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,684
But Nixon's the worst
president in history
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00:02:53,809 --> 00:02:54,918
and alternate history.
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00:02:55,043 --> 00:02:56,468
The rest of you aren't
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00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:57,554
voting for him, are you?
68
00:02:57,679 --> 00:02:58,655
Sure, we are!
Why not?
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00:02:58,780 --> 00:02:59,721
Of course!
Spluh!
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00:02:59,887 --> 00:03:01,158
He may not be perfect,
71
00:03:01,283 --> 00:03:03,894
but do we really want
some unknown new guy?
72
00:03:04,019 --> 00:03:07,062
I'll stick with the evil maniac
I know, thank you.
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00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:08,732
Well, I think we can do better.
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00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:10,601
This year, I'm going to get involved
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00:03:10,726 --> 00:03:14,027
in the political process
and make my voice heard.
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00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,696
What?
77
00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:26,331
Welcome to debate 3012,
the 3,012th debate
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00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:28,485
of the 3012 election year.
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00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:30,654
We have a crowded field
of candidates,
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00:03:30,779 --> 00:03:33,190
so I will dispense
with the informal terrorizing
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and begin the questions.
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00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:36,627
Is this the political process?
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00:03:36,752 --> 00:03:38,635
'cause I'm here to
get involved in it.
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00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,053
Silence!
85
00:03:40,219 --> 00:03:43,467
Question one: Will you pledge today
86
00:03:43,592 --> 00:03:45,169
to somehow reduce taxes
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00:03:45,294 --> 00:03:48,061
while simultaneously lowering
the deficit?
88
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:49,640
Hey, that's a good idea. Sure.
89
00:03:49,765 --> 00:03:51,942
If it'll win me the election,
then yes.
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00:03:52,067 --> 00:03:54,878
We have a saying up in Alaska.
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00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:56,504
That's all.
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00:03:57,862 --> 00:03:59,072
Senator Travers?
93
00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:00,684
Look, let's be honest here.
94
00:04:00,809 --> 00:04:04,288
No one likes taxes, but they pay
for our basic needs:
95
00:04:04,413 --> 00:04:06,746
Roads, schools, defense.
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00:04:06,912 --> 00:04:10,294
If we hope to realize our
aspirations as a great planet,
97
00:04:10,419 --> 00:04:12,162
we must each pay our fair share
98
00:04:12,287 --> 00:04:15,714
to achieve those noble goals.
99
00:04:16,758 --> 00:04:18,192
(Booing)
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00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,340
Thank you, Senator.
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00:04:23,465 --> 00:04:24,708
A thoughtful and lucid answer.
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00:04:24,833 --> 00:04:26,176
You will be destroyed!
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00:04:26,301 --> 00:04:29,895
Question two:
The environment, yes or no?
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00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,381
No. It's junk science.
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00:04:31,506 --> 00:04:33,217
Two words: Condor attack.
106
00:04:33,342 --> 00:04:35,483
Don't want that. Got to say no.
107
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,087
Now, just a minute.
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00:04:37,212 --> 00:04:38,856
These are important issues.
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00:04:38,981 --> 00:04:41,281
We can't just reduce them
to sound bites.
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00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,260
(Booing)
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00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:45,095
According to reputable scientists...
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00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,037
(Booing)
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00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,331
Enviromite!
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00:04:49,497 --> 00:04:50,992
(Cheering)
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00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,881
Hello?
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00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,243
I'd like to volunteer.
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00:04:59,368 --> 00:05:02,012
Is anyone lurking?
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00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:04,429
(Grunting)
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00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:06,139
Hey, stop that.
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00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:09,351
Senator Travers?
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00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,186
That's no way to win an election.
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00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:12,756
(Sighs) I give up.
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00:05:12,881 --> 00:05:14,124
No one cares about my message.
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00:05:14,249 --> 00:05:16,593
I never should have used
the same pr guy
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00:05:16,718 --> 00:05:18,195
as one hour hot dog.
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00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:22,466
(Slowly): People will wait
for something good.
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00:05:22,738 --> 00:05:24,241
No, don't quit.
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00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,702
You have great ideas.
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00:05:25,827 --> 00:05:27,371
You just need to get them out there
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00:05:27,496 --> 00:05:29,740
with social media.
(Device chirps)
131
00:05:29,865 --> 00:05:32,476
Look, I posted your
debate video on Facebag.
132
00:05:32,748 --> 00:05:34,378
10,000 views?
133
00:05:34,503 --> 00:05:36,613
That's more than most
water-skiing squirrels get.
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00:05:36,738 --> 00:05:39,256
You really think I have a chance?
135
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,751
Absolutely.
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00:05:40,876 --> 00:05:43,220
We just need to conceal
your intelligence and honesty
137
00:05:43,345 --> 00:05:45,262
in a hipper, dumber package.
138
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,090
Well, what have I got to lose?
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00:05:47,215 --> 00:05:49,726
I'm making you
my new campaign manager.
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00:05:49,851 --> 00:05:50,994
You, out!
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00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:55,230
You haven't heard the last of m...
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00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,569
Reporter:
As the Iowa caucus approaches,
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00:06:01,735 --> 00:06:04,141
the state's hippest citizens
turned out
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00:06:04,266 --> 00:06:07,575
for an old-fashioned flash mob.
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00:06:07,741 --> 00:06:11,454
Morbo: Chris Travers got a bump
in the new Hampshire polls today,
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00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:14,651
where he simuldined in 250
diners at once via hologram.
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00:06:14,776 --> 00:06:17,487
This pie at this diner
is the best pie.
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00:06:17,612 --> 00:06:19,838
(Cheering)
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00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:24,061
Reporter: Chris Travers wins
the South California primary handily,
150
00:06:24,186 --> 00:06:26,253
thanks to a series of
well-placed cameo appearances.
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00:06:28,804 --> 00:06:32,475
Morbo: Super Tuesday is in the books,
with Eurasia, Australia
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00:06:32,641 --> 00:06:34,936
and Kentucky turning out
in big numbers.
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00:06:35,102 --> 00:06:36,540
With the race a dead heat,
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00:06:36,665 --> 00:06:39,767
it's all come down to
a final tally at the convention.
155
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,490
Calculon:
And the first runner-up,
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00:06:47,656 --> 00:06:49,052
who will take over if the nominee
157
00:06:49,177 --> 00:06:51,955
is caught with a dead girl,
a live boy
158
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,558
or any kind of sexy ghost...
159
00:06:54,683 --> 00:06:56,249
Mr. Greenland!
(Gasps)
160
00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,185
(Applause)
161
00:07:00,122 --> 00:07:01,999
Which means our nominee
is the Senator
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00:07:02,124 --> 00:07:05,216
from the nation-state of Hawaii,
163
00:07:05,382 --> 00:07:06,737
Chris Travers!
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00:07:06,862 --> 00:07:08,562
(Applause and cheering)
165
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:10,972
He won the nomination!
166
00:07:11,138 --> 00:07:12,309
We the people did it!
167
00:07:12,434 --> 00:07:14,044
It wasn't "we the people".
168
00:07:14,169 --> 00:07:15,712
It was you the mutant.
169
00:07:15,837 --> 00:07:18,248
Your insightful nagging
really won us over.
170
00:07:18,373 --> 00:07:20,250
Yeah. You explained his positions
171
00:07:20,375 --> 00:07:22,386
in a way even an idiot
could understand.
172
00:07:22,511 --> 00:07:25,445
And that appealed to me,
for whatever reason.
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00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,073
Thanks, guys, but we have
a lot of work ahead of us.
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00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,426
If we're going to win the election,
175
00:07:29,551 --> 00:07:31,451
we've all got to get involved.
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00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:33,263
You said it!
That's right.
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00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,931
If you want my opinion,
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00:07:35,056 --> 00:07:37,267
Nixon's only chance to defeat Travers
179
00:07:37,392 --> 00:07:39,603
is with filthy lies, dirty tricks
180
00:07:39,728 --> 00:07:42,339
and good old Quaker thuggery.
181
00:07:42,464 --> 00:07:45,509
And I'm just the guy for the job.
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00:07:45,634 --> 00:07:47,008
(Laughs)
183
00:07:47,174 --> 00:07:49,010
(Both laugh)
184
00:07:50,761 --> 00:07:53,174
(Both howling)
185
00:07:57,017 --> 00:07:58,560
{pub}I'm not sure if it's safe to talk.
186
00:07:58,685 --> 00:07:59,813
Are you wearing a wire?
187
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,272
I'm 40% wire.
188
00:08:01,438 --> 00:08:02,831
Excellent. Now, listen.
189
00:08:02,956 --> 00:08:05,100
We got to get some dirt
on this Travers guy.
190
00:08:05,225 --> 00:08:06,468
Really McGovern him up.
191
00:08:06,593 --> 00:08:08,029
You know who McGovern was, right?
192
00:08:08,261 --> 00:08:10,031
I don't even know who you are.
193
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:21,084
Hello, dirt.
194
00:08:21,308 --> 00:08:25,004
I'll start at "n" for nude pictures.
195
00:08:25,212 --> 00:08:26,780
Aw, Nobel prize?
196
00:08:26,905 --> 00:08:27,841
That's no good.
197
00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:30,802
How about "a" for adultery?
198
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:34,097
What? Straight-a transcript?
199
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,865
Travers:
Hey, what's that rifling sound?
200
00:08:36,990 --> 00:08:38,424
Uh-oh. (Gulps)
201
00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:49,362
(Moans)
202
00:08:50,770 --> 00:08:51,948
(Zipping)
203
00:08:54,841 --> 00:08:57,454
(Whirring)
204
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,888
All right. I'm going to catch
Travers on video
205
00:09:00,013 --> 00:09:02,750
at this sleazy strip club.
206
00:09:03,016 --> 00:09:06,171
In and out of the club
13 times in one night.
207
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,696
That's a record.
Where's Travers?
208
00:09:07,821 --> 00:09:10,198
All I see is you going in and out.
209
00:09:10,323 --> 00:09:11,926
Yeah, me.
I set the record.
210
00:09:12,092 --> 00:09:13,635
(Groans)
211
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,104
This is as useless as
those pictures you photoshopped.
212
00:09:16,229 --> 00:09:19,142
Look, just give me one more
chance. I got a source.
213
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:23,445
Well, you did manage to get
a tremendous urine sample.
214
00:09:23,570 --> 00:09:25,482
Let's not talk about that.
215
00:09:30,610 --> 00:09:31,820
(Metal clanks)
216
00:09:31,945 --> 00:09:33,622
Is that you, big throat?
217
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,617
In the flesh.
(Giggles)
218
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:38,953
Listen, I need some dirt
on Senator Chris Travers.
219
00:09:39,119 --> 00:09:40,295
How quaint.
220
00:09:40,420 --> 00:09:42,797
But I suppose I should do my part
221
00:09:42,922 --> 00:09:45,166
for political intercourse.
222
00:09:45,291 --> 00:09:48,922
Come closer,
and I'll expose what I know.
223
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:51,007
There's nothing.
224
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:54,052
He's as clean as a
freshly waxed buttock.
225
00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:56,179
Hey! Did you put your tongue
in my ear?
226
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,681
Certainly not.
I don't have a tongue.
227
00:09:58,938 --> 00:10:00,767
Oh, good.
'cause I don't have an ear.
228
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,435
(Squirrel chittering)
229
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:04,319
Come on, come on, fall.
230
00:10:04,444 --> 00:10:05,754
Fall, damn it, fall!
231
00:10:05,879 --> 00:10:07,023
(Door opens)
232
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,900
Well? What did you get on Travers?
233
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:11,319
Is he a draft dodger?
Sex offender?
234
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:12,237
Sex dodger?
235
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,821
Nada. He's clean.
236
00:10:13,987 --> 00:10:16,531
I'm sorry, but there's
not one unusual thing
237
00:10:16,656 --> 00:10:18,826
about Senator Chris Zaxxar Travers.
238
00:10:18,992 --> 00:10:21,403
Wait, wait.
His middle name is Zaxxar?
239
00:10:21,528 --> 00:10:22,871
Sounds kind of alien.
240
00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:24,582
The voters hate aliens.
241
00:10:24,748 --> 00:10:27,502
They sure do, but this guy's
as human as you or me.
242
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,210
I don't care what he is.
243
00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:32,006
We'll start a rumor
that he's an alien.
244
00:10:32,172 --> 00:10:34,259
Hey, yeah.
That'll cost him votes.
245
00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:36,851
Then, when he says he
was born on this planet,
246
00:10:36,976 --> 00:10:38,720
we make him cough up
his earth certificate.
247
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:40,890
Keep it on the news,
put him on the defensive.
248
00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:42,891
Oh, this is sneaky.
249
00:10:43,016 --> 00:10:46,695
I feel a jowl movement coming on.
250
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:49,190
(Howls)
251
00:10:49,356 --> 00:10:51,526
And that's how you end hunger.
252
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:53,268
Does anyone have any questions?
253
00:10:53,393 --> 00:10:55,280
I do, I do!
Me, Bender!
254
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:58,032
Yes, the robot with the
megaphone jumping up and down.
255
00:10:58,198 --> 00:11:03,445
I have a question
for Senator c. Zaxxar Travers.
256
00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:06,040
(Crowd murmurs)
257
00:11:06,206 --> 00:11:08,283
Tell me, Zaxxar...
258
00:11:08,408 --> 00:11:10,085
Were you even born on earth?
259
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:13,588
Because the earth constitution
clearly states
260
00:11:13,713 --> 00:11:16,758
that only people born
on earth can be president.
261
00:11:16,883 --> 00:11:18,927
Isn't that right,
Justice Ruth Dader Ginsburg?
262
00:11:19,052 --> 00:11:21,639
You Ruth Bader believe it!
263
00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:23,131
But-but... I...
264
00:11:23,256 --> 00:11:24,892
Of course I was born on earth.
265
00:11:25,058 --> 00:11:26,635
Oh, really?
266
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,838
Then we voters demand you
release your earth certificate
267
00:11:29,963 --> 00:11:31,899
so I can then claim it's a fake.
268
00:11:32,065 --> 00:11:34,576
I'm not going to dignify
this preposterous charge.
269
00:11:34,701 --> 00:11:36,571
Are there any real questions?
270
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:38,865
Scoop Chang, fox quote-unquote news.
271
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,749
Senator, in the last ten seconds,
272
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,784
I've heard reports you weren't
actually born on earth.
273
00:11:42,909 --> 00:11:44,704
Care to evade
these compelling charges?
274
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:45,954
No. I mean, yes.
275
00:11:46,079 --> 00:11:47,188
I mean...
276
00:11:47,313 --> 00:11:48,499
(Growls)
277
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,695
Okay, let's nip this
earther movement in the bud
278
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:55,096
by releasing your earth certificate.
279
00:11:55,221 --> 00:11:56,341
Where were you born?
280
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:58,426
Our lady of patriotism hospital.
281
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:00,678
Patriotism, good.
Where is it?
282
00:12:00,844 --> 00:12:02,889
Kenya.
Cradle of humanity.
283
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:06,574
Leel this is just a stupid
distraction from the issues.
284
00:12:06,699 --> 00:12:09,812
Please don't look for
my earth certificate.
285
00:12:09,978 --> 00:12:11,946
Hey! That was my favorite window.
286
00:12:12,071 --> 00:12:13,900
I better see what they want.
287
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,684
Crowd (Chanting):
We want an earthling,
288
00:12:15,809 --> 00:12:17,686
not a dirty space thing!
289
00:12:17,811 --> 00:12:19,821
Why are you rednecks doing this?
290
00:12:19,988 --> 00:12:21,532
Leela, don't stereotype.
291
00:12:21,698 --> 00:12:23,701
Why are you yokels doing this?
292
00:12:23,867 --> 00:12:26,661
I may be just
a backwoods septic tank,
293
00:12:26,786 --> 00:12:29,666
but I've had it up to here
with you foreigners.
294
00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:31,584
But I come from earth.
295
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:34,335
Then show us yer earth whatchacallit.
296
00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:37,090
Long-form certificate of live birth.
297
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:39,941
(Sighs) What would it take
to convince you people?
298
00:12:40,066 --> 00:12:42,220
Would I have to have been born
right before your eyes?
299
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,478
It wouldn't hurts.
300
00:12:43,603 --> 00:12:45,098
Hit it, rubes!
301
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:46,881
Crowd (Chanting):
We don't want a foreigner!
302
00:12:47,006 --> 00:12:49,143
We want someone born here!
303
00:12:49,309 --> 00:12:51,604
Ah, I'm still working on that one.
304
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:52,854
(Shouts, sputters)
305
00:12:52,979 --> 00:12:54,489
What's wrong with you?
306
00:12:54,614 --> 00:12:57,325
Why are you sabotaging
a decent, honest candidate?
307
00:12:57,450 --> 00:12:59,994
'cause they won't let me near
the hoover dam anymore.
308
00:13:00,119 --> 00:13:02,990
Ooh. What a bunch of xenophobes.
309
00:13:03,156 --> 00:13:05,400
It's time to find Senator
Travers' earth certificate
310
00:13:05,525 --> 00:13:07,245
and put an end to this nonsense.
311
00:13:07,411 --> 00:13:09,831
Who wants to help me break
into the hospital in Kenya?
312
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:11,306
I'll come.
313
00:13:11,431 --> 00:13:13,074
As long as there's
no xenophobes there.
314
00:13:13,199 --> 00:13:14,460
(Shudders)
315
00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:17,088
I want to come, too.
You? Why?
316
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:20,348
To prove that I can put
divisive partisan politics aside
317
00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:22,635
to participate in a break-in.
318
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:36,274
Hospital ho!
319
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,159
(Grunting)
320
00:13:44,297 --> 00:13:46,632
(Grunting)
321
00:13:54,082 --> 00:13:55,250
(Hoofbeats approach)
322
00:13:55,375 --> 00:13:57,837
Shh. It's a herd of night watchmen.
323
00:14:05,418 --> 00:14:07,805
(Gasps)
I found it!
324
00:14:09,556 --> 00:14:10,732
I don't understand.
325
00:14:10,857 --> 00:14:12,400
There's no earth certificate in here.
326
00:14:12,525 --> 00:14:13,792
Travers:
No, there isn't.
327
00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:16,606
(All gasp)
328
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:19,025
I told you not to look.
329
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:21,277
So, you're not from earth after all.
330
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:22,987
Of course I'm from earth.
331
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,245
Wait a second.
332
00:14:24,370 --> 00:14:25,613
There's no earth certificate,
333
00:14:25,738 --> 00:14:27,482
but it does say your
mother was admitted
334
00:14:27,607 --> 00:14:29,651
to the maternity
ward... this morning!
335
00:14:29,776 --> 00:14:31,412
(Gasps)
336
00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:32,654
(Sighs)
I should have known
337
00:14:32,779 --> 00:14:34,999
the truth would come out
sooner or later.
338
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:39,494
The fact is, I really was
born on earth... tomorrow.
339
00:14:39,619 --> 00:14:42,096
You see, I'm not from another planet.
340
00:14:42,221 --> 00:14:44,556
I'm from the future.
341
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,126
(Gasping)
342
00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:51,463
(Gagging)
343
00:15:01,858 --> 00:15:03,001
{pub}This is crazy.
344
00:15:03,126 --> 00:15:04,821
You're from the future?
Yes.
345
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,005
I was sent back from the year 3028
346
00:15:07,130 --> 00:15:08,825
to prevent Nixon
from getting elected.
347
00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,509
I was sent forward from the year 00,
348
00:15:11,634 --> 00:15:13,454
but you don't hear me
gassing on about it.
349
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:16,541
But why would it be so
important to stop Nixon?
350
00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,450
Because of the horrific events
he's going to set in motion.
351
00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:20,818
(Sobbing):
Oh, God.
352
00:15:20,943 --> 00:15:23,172
I can't bring myself to describe it.
353
00:15:23,338 --> 00:15:25,258
Oh, well. Want to hear
about how I got frozen?
354
00:15:25,481 --> 00:15:27,382
(Sniffs) Not really.
355
00:15:28,562 --> 00:15:30,513
Travers: It all started
with Nixon's promise
356
00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,474
to build an alien-proof fence
around the solar system.
357
00:15:33,723 --> 00:15:36,201
Without cheap alien labo
for menial jobs
358
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:38,354
like harvesting crops, teaching math
359
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,440
and curing disease,
the economy collapsed.
360
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:43,374
Starvation.
361
00:15:43,499 --> 00:15:45,443
Desperation. Despair.
362
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:47,572
So far, so good.
Then what?
363
00:15:47,738 --> 00:15:50,148
Travers: Unable to feed
the world's starving masses,
364
00:15:50,273 --> 00:15:52,243
Nixon took bold action.
365
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:55,954
In this time of crisis,
I call upon the soylent major...
366
00:15:56,079 --> 00:15:58,249
I mean silent majority.
367
00:15:58,415 --> 00:15:59,991
(Cheering)
368
00:16:00,116 --> 00:16:02,086
(Screaming)
369
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:08,092
Still good.
370
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,021
Travers:
With the working class gone,
371
00:16:10,146 --> 00:16:12,627
robots were forced
to do all the menial labor.
372
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,767
Before long,
they rose up in revolt...
373
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:29,153
... Led by a bending unit
named b.B. Rodriguez.
374
00:16:29,278 --> 00:16:32,074
(Laughs evilly)
375
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:35,953
Bender: Wait...
I know a robot named b.B. Rodriguez!
376
00:16:36,119 --> 00:16:39,564
Wait... I am a robot
named b.B. Rodriguez.
377
00:16:39,689 --> 00:16:41,542
So, I become ruler of earth?
378
00:16:41,708 --> 00:16:42,627
Indeed.
379
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,202
Yes!
380
00:16:44,327 --> 00:16:45,796
In your face,
high school guidance counselor.
381
00:16:45,962 --> 00:16:47,605
Travers:
The robots crushed
382
00:16:47,730 --> 00:16:49,607
our most treasured monuments
and celebrities,
383
00:16:49,732 --> 00:16:52,110
but they couldn't crush
the human spirit.
384
00:16:52,235 --> 00:16:53,945
We went into hiding,
385
00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:56,414
and after careful research,
located a xeroxed copy
386
00:16:56,539 --> 00:16:59,936
of an ancient time travel code.
387
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,953
Though I was only 15,
388
00:17:02,078 --> 00:17:05,089
mankind entrusted me with its
last remaining suit and tie
389
00:17:05,214 --> 00:17:07,443
and sent me back in time.
390
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:09,093
I would be raised by my grandparents,
391
00:17:09,218 --> 00:17:11,162
somehow get into Harvard law school,
392
00:17:11,287 --> 00:17:12,948
become a community organizer,
a Senator
393
00:17:13,114 --> 00:17:14,200
and finally...
394
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,491
Defeat Richard Nixon.
395
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:21,332
I escaped just as the robots arrived.
396
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:24,442
All right, I'm low on bullets.
397
00:17:24,567 --> 00:17:25,877
Everybody scooch together.
398
00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,111
It's not too late.
399
00:17:27,236 --> 00:17:28,631
You can still win the election.
400
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,815
No, I can't.
The Earthers are right.
401
00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:32,802
I have no earth certificate.
402
00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:35,320
But you will have one
in just a few hours.
403
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:37,390
And everyone will know it's real,
404
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:40,615
cause we'll broadcast
your birth on live TV.
405
00:17:42,118 --> 00:17:44,522
If it's on TV, it has to be real.
406
00:17:46,389 --> 00:17:49,151
Morbo:
Morbo interrupts "Bowling For Quatloos"
407
00:17:49,317 --> 00:17:50,735
to present breaking coverage
408
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:53,406
of the birth of Senator Chris Traver
409
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,866
we now go live to the delivery room,
410
00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:57,275
where we're already at there.
411
00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:58,536
(Moans)
412
00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:01,913
Ow!
413
00:18:02,038 --> 00:18:04,048
Ck, please.
She needs room.
414
00:18:04,173 --> 00:18:05,717
Thanks.
Not you.
415
00:18:05,842 --> 00:18:07,628
The camerawoman needs room.
416
00:18:07,794 --> 00:18:09,454
This is it, ladies and gentlemen.
417
00:18:09,579 --> 00:18:10,722
The candidate is...
418
00:18:10,847 --> 00:18:12,842
I believe he's crowning!
419
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:15,177
Push, mom, push.
You can do it.
420
00:18:15,343 --> 00:18:17,128
I bet nothing comes out.
421
00:18:17,253 --> 00:18:18,563
Just you watch.
422
00:18:18,688 --> 00:18:20,164
Here comes the head.
423
00:18:20,289 --> 00:18:22,059
And now the neck.
424
00:18:22,225 --> 00:18:24,402
Linda, I'm down here at the pelvis,
425
00:18:24,527 --> 00:18:27,405
and folks round these parts
can't remember the last time
426
00:18:27,530 --> 00:18:30,441
a time-traveling Senator
attended his own birth.
427
00:18:30,566 --> 00:18:31,676
Back to you.
428
00:18:31,943 --> 00:18:32,944
Thanks, Morbo.
429
00:18:33,069 --> 00:18:34,178
You be careful down there.
430
00:18:34,303 --> 00:18:36,614
(Baby crying)
431
00:18:36,739 --> 00:18:38,616
Linda:
And the candidate is born!
432
00:18:38,783 --> 00:18:42,705
We have a birth...
Repeat, we have a birth.
433
00:18:42,871 --> 00:18:45,041
(Gasping, faint cheering)
434
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,877
Aw... he's got his own eyes.
435
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,761
Well, who'd have thunk it.
436
00:18:49,886 --> 00:18:51,763
He was born all right,
437
00:18:51,888 --> 00:18:53,841
just like he said.
438
00:19:02,298 --> 00:19:06,437
And with the polls now closed
in every time zone worldwide,
439
00:19:06,603 --> 00:19:09,313
from Tomorrowland
to the Republic of yesterday,
440
00:19:09,438 --> 00:19:11,115
we are able to declare a winner.
441
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,985
Chris Travers,
who leapt backwards in time
442
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:17,490
and ahead in the polls,
has defeated Richard Nixon.
443
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:18,823
(Cheering)
444
00:19:18,948 --> 00:19:21,577
Leela:
He did it! He did it!
445
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:22,827
Yes!
446
00:19:22,952 --> 00:19:25,062
Congratulations, Mr. president.
447
00:19:25,187 --> 00:19:26,964
It's all thanks to you, Leela.
448
00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:30,168
You stood by me and exposed
my private medical records,
449
00:19:30,293 --> 00:19:32,296
even after I begged you not to.
450
00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:33,871
Aw, thanks.
451
00:19:33,996 --> 00:19:37,074
Now, get up to that podium
and change the world.
452
00:19:37,199 --> 00:19:39,410
Too bad your pal Xon lost, Bender.
453
00:19:39,535 --> 00:19:41,305
You must be pretty glorked off.
454
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:44,048
Nope. I don't give a bag
of butts who won the election.
455
00:19:44,173 --> 00:19:45,309
Nothing's going to change.
456
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:47,561
What? How can you say that?
457
00:19:47,727 --> 00:19:49,477
Watch and learn.
458
00:19:51,731 --> 00:19:53,524
My fellow Earthicans,
459
00:19:53,649 --> 00:19:56,494
I am honored and humbled
to stand before you tonight
460
00:19:56,619 --> 00:19:58,823
as your next president.
461
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,431
Together, we will...
462
00:20:00,556 --> 00:20:01,699
Hey, what's-what's going on?
463
00:20:01,824 --> 00:20:03,100
What's happening?
464
00:20:03,225 --> 00:20:05,246
(Murmuring)
465
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:07,338
You see, since Nixon wasn't elected,
466
00:20:07,463 --> 00:20:09,373
the robot uprising didn't happen
467
00:20:09,498 --> 00:20:12,128
and Travers never got
sent back from the future.
468
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:14,296
It's politics 101.
469
00:20:14,462 --> 00:20:16,771
(Screams)
470
00:20:19,642 --> 00:20:21,053
And the votes are in.
471
00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:23,187
Richard Nixon, running unopposed,
472
00:20:23,312 --> 00:20:26,225
has been reelected
by a narrow landslide.
473
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,101
Say what?
474
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:29,019
My fellow Earthicans,
475
00:20:29,185 --> 00:20:32,029
I am honored and humbled
to gloat before you tonight
476
00:20:32,154 --> 00:20:35,025
as your next president.
477
00:20:35,191 --> 00:20:38,236
Wow, it really doesn't
matter who you vote for.
478
00:20:38,361 --> 00:20:39,904
At least we tried
to make a difference
479
00:20:40,029 --> 00:20:41,472
by supporting Senator...
480
00:20:41,597 --> 00:20:43,407
Senator...
481
00:20:43,532 --> 00:20:44,766
What was his name again?
482
00:20:44,891 --> 00:20:46,309
Uh, I don't remember.
483
00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,203
We never even left this building.
484
00:20:48,328 --> 00:20:49,314
What?
485
00:20:49,439 --> 00:20:53,015
Nixon always wins!
486
00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:57,548
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
487
00:20:58,305 --> 00:21:58,843
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