1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
-= www.OpenSubtitles.org =-

2
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,107
No, not this year.

3
00:00:20,108 --> 00:00:22,647
I got this from the startup
company on the 13th floor.

4
00:00:22,648 --> 00:00:26,365
They just went under, and they have
the best leftover swag. Look at this.

5
00:00:26,399 --> 00:00:30,337
"dogtagd.net"...?
Isn't that the dog sex site?

6
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:35,006
It's a mapping app to find
available dogs in your area, okay?

7
00:00:35,007 --> 00:00:37,486
- To have sex with?
- No!

8
00:00:37,487 --> 00:00:41,342
For your dog to play with!
What is wrong with you guys?

9
00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:44,480
Plus, I got one more thing.
Boo-yeow!

10
00:00:44,481 --> 00:00:46,385
Dogtagd novelty dog poop.

11
00:00:46,386 --> 00:00:49,026
♪ How you like me now?
(Snaps fingers)

12
00:00:49,094 --> 00:00:52,767
Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!
No holding hands! It's flu season!

13
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,335
(Laughs)

14
00:00:54,364 --> 00:00:57,759
- What's with that gift?
- Oh, uh, it's my birthday tomorrow.

15
00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,542
No, it's not. Jenny!

16
00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:02,224
Why didn't you tell me
it's your birthday tomorrow?

17
00:01:02,225 --> 00:01:03,984
Well, it's just a birthday.
I don't know.

18
00:01:03,985 --> 00:01:06,738
- I don't want to make a fuss.
- Well, I do want to make a fuss.

19
00:01:06,739 --> 00:01:08,172
And I'm telling you
right now,

20
00:01:08,173 --> 00:01:10,157
I'm the best gift giver
on the face of this planet.

21
00:01:10,158 --> 00:01:11,915
I'm gonna kick
everyone's ass here.

22
00:01:11,991 --> 00:01:14,961
Whoa!
It's not a competition.

23
00:01:14,962 --> 00:01:16,863
(Singsongy) Psycho!

24
00:01:18,529 --> 00:01:20,848
I don't know, I just never
really cared about gifts.

25
00:01:20,849 --> 00:01:24,611
In fact, the best gift that I ever got
was for my 8th birthday,

26
00:01:24,612 --> 00:01:27,978
when my mom let me dig a hole
in our backyard. (Chuckles)

27
00:01:28,173 --> 00:01:30,333
So your gift was a hole?

28
00:01:30,334 --> 00:01:32,501
That's right...
<i>A hole</i>...

29
00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:39,807
Brody, you're missing the point.
It's not about money, you know?

30
00:01:39,808 --> 00:01:44,578
It was so thoughtful. And me and my
brothers, we used to sleep in it. Yeah.

31
00:01:45,288 --> 00:01:49,857
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get you a gift
that's gonna blow your hole away.

32
00:01:52,128 --> 00:01:53,661
(Laughs)

33
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:56,696
♪

34
00:02:00,041 --> 00:02:03,110
Season 1, Episode 4
"The Gift"

35
00:02:03,287 --> 00:02:06,287
Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef
www.addic7ed.com

36
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:09,902
Bro, great news. I just
bought a pair of jet skis.

37
00:02:10,034 --> 00:02:11,991
- You mean, like, <i>His and Hers?</i>
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

38
00:02:11,992 --> 00:02:14,286
Except there's no "Hers,"
it's just "His"

39
00:02:14,287 --> 00:02:15,990
and "His other one."

40
00:02:16,986 --> 00:02:20,583
I thought we agreed that you wouldn't
buy any more personal watercrafts

41
00:02:20,584 --> 00:02:23,672
until you at least learned
how to swim, or had money.

42
00:02:23,694 --> 00:02:24,896
It's all good.

43
00:02:24,897 --> 00:02:27,193
It's the end of the quarter.
Mansfield's about to hand out bonuses.

44
00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:30,155
Mr. Wen.
You're getting a bonus?

45
00:02:30,222 --> 00:02:32,578
Congratulations.
I hadn't heard.

46
00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,369
Mr. Moyer, come here.

47
00:02:37,586 --> 00:02:41,345
The only way to justify a morning cigar
is to be either out on a golf course

48
00:02:41,346 --> 00:02:43,796
or in a meeting, and since
I was just fined last week

49
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:46,696
for chipping golf balls
up at that helipad,

50
00:02:46,697 --> 00:02:48,431
welcome to our meeting.

51
00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:50,708
Okay. So what's
our meeting about?

52
00:02:50,719 --> 00:02:52,395
Oh, I think you know.

53
00:02:53,203 --> 00:02:57,031
Is it about me searching for Jenny's
birthday gift on company time?

54
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,588
It is now!

55
00:03:01,049 --> 00:03:03,485
So a gift for Jenny?

56
00:03:03,527 --> 00:03:07,922
I say, what do you get
the girl who has nothing?

57
00:03:08,779 --> 00:03:11,247
I'm actually the best
gift giver in the world.

58
00:03:11,248 --> 00:03:14,336
You're not even the best
gift giver on this balcony.

59
00:03:14,989 --> 00:03:17,236
Guess what I got my wife
for her last birthday.

60
00:03:17,237 --> 00:03:19,189
I'll... I'll tell you if you're
in the right ballpark.

61
00:03:19,190 --> 00:03:22,291
- I would have no idea.
- I got her a ballpark.

62
00:03:24,215 --> 00:03:27,484
Look at this view. Huh?
Tell me what you see.

63
00:03:27,518 --> 00:03:30,519
Some very nervous people
on a helipad.

64
00:03:32,811 --> 00:03:34,612
Pussies.

65
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:38,091
I see limitless opportunity.

66
00:03:38,126 --> 00:03:41,055
You know what they see when they
look out their windows downstairs?

67
00:03:41,056 --> 00:03:43,790
Nothing.
They don't have windows.

68
00:03:44,297 --> 00:03:46,846
Closest thing they're gonna
come to an expensive cigar

69
00:03:46,847 --> 00:03:48,827
is about ten seconds
from...

70
00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:51,167
Now.

71
00:03:51,442 --> 00:03:53,496
Well, they happen to be
really nice people.

72
00:03:53,497 --> 00:03:56,848
No, I didn't say they weren't. They
just have a very different world view.

73
00:03:56,980 --> 00:03:58,192
(Cigar thuds)

74
00:03:58,193 --> 00:04:01,090
Ooh, sweet!
Morning cigar!

75
00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:04,742
You know, if you...
If you do buy Jenny a nice gift...

76
00:04:04,743 --> 00:04:07,254
And you should,
because she deserves it...

77
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:10,458
You're going to be injecting
money into the equation,

78
00:04:10,526 --> 00:04:12,261
and that changes everything.

79
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:16,499
Hey, I'm not worried. Like Jenny always
says, money can't buy happiness.

80
00:04:16,566 --> 00:04:19,334
And like I always say,
bullshit!

81
00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:24,160
Money absolutely can buy
happiness.

82
00:04:24,194 --> 00:04:26,912
Listen, Jenny is one of the happiest
people I have ever met,

83
00:04:26,913 --> 00:04:29,832
and the best
gift she ever got was a hole.

84
00:04:31,735 --> 00:04:33,969
Let me... let me just
tell you something.

85
00:04:33,970 --> 00:04:37,871
Money put my girls through
the finest schools in this country.

86
00:04:37,905 --> 00:04:41,851
Money also let me build that
maternity ward at the hospital.

87
00:04:41,852 --> 00:04:46,001
And money is going to pay for
that helicopter's new window.

88
00:04:46,002 --> 00:04:47,031
(Hits ball)

89
00:04:47,032 --> 00:04:48,867
Fore!

90
00:04:55,238 --> 00:05:00,112
(Gasps) Oh, wow!
A sweatshirt from dogtagd.net?!

91
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:05,396
- That's the dog sex site, right?
- Okay, it's not a dog sex site.

92
00:05:05,397 --> 00:05:08,632
It's a way for dogs to meet other
like-minded dogs to play with.

93
00:05:08,647 --> 00:05:11,218
Well, I will wear it proudly.
(Giggles)

94
00:05:11,219 --> 00:05:13,799
- Oh! (Gasps) A poop, too?
- Ooh! Surprise!

95
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,834
(Laughs)

96
00:05:17,532 --> 00:05:22,001
Well, I'm giving you something
that nobody else here can give you.

97
00:05:22,002 --> 00:05:23,519
(Laughs) What are you doing?

98
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:27,122
I have over 10,000
gay Twitter followers.

99
00:05:27,123 --> 00:05:31,358
And after I tweet this picture of you
and I, they will all be following you.

100
00:05:31,359 --> 00:05:32,947
- Are you ready?
- Uh-huh.

101
00:05:33,805 --> 00:05:36,739
Congratulations. You just got gayed.
(Laughs)

102
00:05:37,213 --> 00:05:39,441
Thanks, but I'm...
I'm not on Twitter.

103
00:05:39,476 --> 00:05:40,908
Oh!

104
00:05:40,943 --> 00:05:42,766
I went halfsies
on the poop.

105
00:05:42,944 --> 00:05:46,380
(Harvard) Okay, okay, okay.
Winning gift coming through.

106
00:05:46,415 --> 00:05:48,016
- Okay.
- Oh.

107
00:05:50,452 --> 00:05:53,850
Don't be intimidated by the size
of my package. (Laughs)

108
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,670
All right, Jenny, go ahead
and open it up.

109
00:05:57,671 --> 00:05:59,811
- Uh...
- Okay.

110
00:06:01,798 --> 00:06:03,665
Oh, wow, that's me.

111
00:06:03,666 --> 00:06:05,634
(Laughs)

112
00:06:05,918 --> 00:06:08,120
Yeah, look closer.
You see it?

113
00:06:08,121 --> 00:06:09,906
It's a mosaic.
(Laughs)

114
00:06:09,941 --> 00:06:12,977
It's you made out of a bunch
of tiny photos of me. (Laughs)

115
00:06:13,011 --> 00:06:15,780
Oh, wow, Harvard, I...
um...

116
00:06:15,814 --> 00:06:17,982
I don't know what to say.

117
00:06:18,016 --> 00:06:21,051
It's not serial killer-y
at all.

118
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:26,390
- Your serve.
- Well, uh, you certainly set the bar...

119
00:06:26,424 --> 00:06:28,759
In a secret room
in your basement, but, uh,

120
00:06:28,793 --> 00:06:31,528
I happen to have
a pretty good gift myself.

121
00:06:31,562 --> 00:06:33,496
(Laughs) You didn't have to.

122
00:06:33,531 --> 00:06:35,499
But I'm really, really
glad that you did.

123
00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:36,733
(Giggles)

124
00:06:38,382 --> 00:06:41,017
- Ooh! A hoodie!
- Yeah.

125
00:06:41,051 --> 00:06:43,386
Damn, dude, that hoodie doesn't
even have a logo on it!

126
00:06:43,421 --> 00:06:46,356
- Oh, it's nice!
- Thanks.

127
00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:49,059
Oh! So soft! (Laughs)
(Laughs)

128
00:06:49,093 --> 00:06:51,862
Oh, holy freaking crap,
this is soft.

129
00:06:53,298 --> 00:06:56,511
Oh. It's wonderful.
I love it. Thank you.

130
00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:58,232
Guys, guys, do you...

131
00:06:58,233 --> 00:07:00,035
Wanna know how I did the mole
on your cheek?

132
00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:01,998
- No!
- No!

133
00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,276
Relax. It is not
what you're thinking.

134
00:07:05,310 --> 00:07:06,945
Oh, my God.

135
00:07:06,979 --> 00:07:08,213
It's my butt.

136
00:07:08,247 --> 00:07:10,315
(Groaning)

137
00:07:10,349 --> 00:07:13,019
Okay, there's no question
I'm getting a bonus, right?

138
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:15,959
I've hit all my targets, I have
worked three Saturdays a month.

139
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:18,037
I even shagged golf balls
off that helipad for Mansfield,

140
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,361
and those balls
come in fast, man!

141
00:07:20,927 --> 00:07:23,975
Well, don't tell me.
Tell Mansfield.

142
00:07:24,731 --> 00:07:26,332
You're right.

143
00:07:26,366 --> 00:07:28,326
I shouldn't be afraid
of my boss.

144
00:07:28,327 --> 00:07:30,295
He's just a man.

145
00:07:30,296 --> 00:07:32,859
He doesn't have
special powers.

146
00:07:37,478 --> 00:07:40,380
- Who doesn't have special powers?
- Ohh!

147
00:07:44,741 --> 00:07:46,709
Did you want to tell me
something, Mr. Wen?

148
00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:49,751
Uh, yeah, sir.
I, uh, have been thinking

149
00:07:49,752 --> 00:07:52,686
a lot about my quarter, and I
can say with absolute confidence

150
00:07:52,687 --> 00:07:56,831
that I definitely believe
that I, uh, quite possibly

151
00:07:56,865 --> 00:08:00,202
deserve a bonus
of some type if...

152
00:08:00,269 --> 00:08:01,837
You agree.

153
00:08:01,904 --> 00:08:05,807
I think you've just answered your
own question, don't you, Mr. Wen?

154
00:08:06,294 --> 00:08:07,853
Yes.

155
00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:11,313
And look at you.

156
00:08:11,347 --> 00:08:13,115
You seem pretty pleased
with yourself.

157
00:08:13,153 --> 00:08:16,721
I recognize that look from my very
own mirror, of course. (Chuckles)

158
00:08:17,922 --> 00:08:22,726
I got Jenny an Henri Pétard
cashmere hoodie, and she loves it.

159
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:24,427
Thataboy!
(Laughs)

160
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:25,622
- (Laughs) All right!
- Yeah.

161
00:08:25,623 --> 00:08:27,191
- You ruined her.
- What?

162
00:08:30,033 --> 00:08:31,868
See this Bordeaux?

163
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:33,503
It is spectacular.

164
00:08:33,537 --> 00:08:36,473
In fact, it's one of the top five
vintages in the history of grapes.

165
00:08:36,507 --> 00:08:40,115
My mentor gave me a case
20 years ago when I made partner.

166
00:08:40,175 --> 00:08:45,285
If you drink this wine, it will ruin
all other wines for you forever.

167
00:08:45,384 --> 00:08:48,511
Oh. Well, that's impossible.
I've had lots of good wine before.

168
00:08:48,512 --> 00:08:50,613
I spent a semester
abroad in France.

169
00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:52,685
Fair enough.
Drink up.

170
00:08:55,359 --> 00:08:58,261
Ooh. That's good.
Really good.

171
00:08:58,262 --> 00:09:00,096
Here it comes.
Three, two...

172
00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:03,417
Oh, my God, I'm finding taste buds
I never even knew I had.

173
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,938
Is it possible to taste color?
My tongue is alive!

174
00:09:06,972 --> 00:09:08,439
Ooh!

175
00:09:08,473 --> 00:09:10,741
- And finally...
- I miss my dad.

176
00:09:10,775 --> 00:09:12,449
Yeah.

177
00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:16,453
And now any other wine you
ever drink will taste like cat piss.

178
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:20,117
Just like the hoodie
that you got for Jenny

179
00:09:20,151 --> 00:09:24,267
will make all of her other clothes feel
like she is slow-dancing with a cactus.

180
00:09:24,399 --> 00:09:26,924
You've exposed her
to the finer things.

181
00:09:26,925 --> 00:09:30,361
- There's no going back now.
- Sir, you don't know Jenny.

182
00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:33,964
It gives me no joy to be right.
Well, that's not true.

183
00:09:33,999 --> 00:09:36,519
It gives me tremendous joy
to be right.

184
00:09:36,901 --> 00:09:39,336
I-it gives me no joy
to see your relationship

185
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:42,040
come undone
by virtue of a gift.

186
00:09:42,074 --> 00:09:43,508
I bet you're wrong.

187
00:09:43,542 --> 00:09:46,244
I bet this gift brings
Jenny and me even closer.

188
00:09:46,278 --> 00:09:49,047
I'll take that bet.
If I'm right, I get your bonus.

189
00:09:49,114 --> 00:09:50,883
Fair enough.
And if I'm right?

190
00:09:50,945 --> 00:09:53,620
- You get a unicorn.
- What?

191
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:55,693
What's it matter?
You can't win.

192
00:09:55,694 --> 00:10:00,091
Fine. Fine, fine. If you win, I will
put up the final bottle of this Bordeaux.

193
00:10:00,092 --> 00:10:02,060
- It's a bet.
- Fine. Let's drink to it.

194
00:10:02,094 --> 00:10:05,980
This is the 2007
wine of the year.

195
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:10,166
It is the second-best wine
you will ever have.

196
00:10:10,201 --> 00:10:12,502
Let me know
how that tastes.

197
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:16,306
(Shudders)

198
00:10:18,408 --> 00:10:21,381
Cat piss, right?
Yeah.

199
00:10:27,734 --> 00:10:31,295
You stroke that thing any harder,
it's gonna have to buy you dinner.

200
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:34,425
(Laughs) It's the softest thing
that I have ever felt.

201
00:10:34,459 --> 00:10:36,560
Of course that douche has to go out
and get you a gift

202
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,095
that makes all our gifts
look crappy.

203
00:10:38,129 --> 00:10:39,897
Hey, he is not a douche,
okay?

204
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:42,332
It's just a hoodie.
Anybody could have bought it.

205
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,254
Whoa! Not that hoodie.
(Inhales)

206
00:10:45,279 --> 00:10:47,272
- It's an Henri Pétard.
- What?

207
00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:49,638
He only uses wool made
from the underbelly of goats

208
00:10:49,641 --> 00:10:53,692
who have spent their entire lives beings
pampered, groomed, and gently masturbated.

209
00:10:53,693 --> 00:10:54,893
Ooh.

210
00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:57,829
I wish I was a goat.

211
00:11:01,503 --> 00:11:06,131
Fine, but you know what? That does not
mean that Brody went crazy on his gift.

212
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:09,159
Look. See? He paid $40...
For shipping.

213
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:13,158
Oh, my God!
This thing cost $630?

214
00:11:13,159 --> 00:11:16,827
What?! The only way
a hoodie is worth $630

215
00:11:16,828 --> 00:11:20,247
if there's a $600 bill
in those pockets.

216
00:11:27,043 --> 00:11:31,744
- These cost $630?
- I don't know. I didn't check the price.

217
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,610
Do you think
that impresses me?

218
00:11:33,612 --> 00:11:36,514
Not unless "impresses"
means "makes angry."

219
00:11:37,639 --> 00:11:39,988
- Why? What's going on?
- I can't keep this hoodie.

220
00:11:40,022 --> 00:11:42,023
- I thought you loved it.
- I do love it.

221
00:11:42,024 --> 00:11:44,192
- I just don't want it.
- Why don't you want it?

222
00:11:44,193 --> 00:11:46,895
I do want it.
I just can't keep it.

223
00:11:46,930 --> 00:11:49,666
It costs more than my rent,
and I don't want to be a snob.

224
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:52,770
Well, you're worse than a snob.
You're, like, a reverse snob.

225
00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:54,371
(Gasps)

226
00:11:56,037 --> 00:12:00,068
How dare you,
and what does that mean?

227
00:12:01,944 --> 00:12:05,547
It means that you purposely don't like
things because they're expensive.

228
00:12:05,581 --> 00:12:08,117
I just don't want
this hoodie! Okay?

229
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:10,004
It's not me,
and if you think it is,

230
00:12:10,005 --> 00:12:12,582
then maybe you don't know me
very well. (Whimpers)

231
00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,766
Just looks to me like
you really love it.

232
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,759
Of course I love it!
I just hate it!

233
00:12:24,299 --> 00:12:28,058
Again, not happy about
you and the girl, but...

234
00:12:28,369 --> 00:12:30,537
Very happy to be right!

235
00:12:38,982 --> 00:12:40,649
See? You didn't need
Brody's hoodie.

236
00:12:40,683 --> 00:12:43,583
- You got dogtagd!
- (Laughing) Yeah!

237
00:12:44,902 --> 00:12:46,621
Okay, we need to talk.

238
00:12:46,655 --> 00:12:48,590
You can say a lot
of bad things about me.

239
00:12:48,624 --> 00:12:51,192
I work too hard,
I use too much hair product...

240
00:12:51,227 --> 00:12:53,395
Wow, I'm really
too self-critical.

241
00:12:53,429 --> 00:12:56,332
But... the one thing
you cannot say about me

242
00:12:56,366 --> 00:12:58,167
is that I'm not
a thoughtful gift giver.

243
00:12:58,201 --> 00:13:00,469
(Clapping)

244
00:13:00,503 --> 00:13:02,885
Bravo.

245
00:13:04,029 --> 00:13:07,010
Save that for your $25-an-hour
therapist.

246
00:13:07,951 --> 00:13:11,523
- Therapists make way more than that.
- Seriously?

247
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:15,651
Why am I not a therapist?
I hate my parents.

248
00:13:17,519 --> 00:13:20,688
Brody, the hoodie was beautiful.
You just didn't think it through.

249
00:13:20,689 --> 00:13:23,540
Yeah, look, man, it's not your fault.
You only knew her for a few weeks.

250
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:26,230
We've known her for years.
That's why your gift sucked ass.

251
00:13:27,138 --> 00:13:29,498
First of all, my gift
did not suck ass.

252
00:13:29,499 --> 00:13:31,823
Secondly, I know Jenny
very well.

253
00:13:31,824 --> 00:13:36,103
In fact, I would argue that my gift was
the most thoughtful of anyone's here.

254
00:13:36,137 --> 00:13:38,858
Oh, no. I know you ain't
talkin' to me.

255
00:13:39,206 --> 00:13:41,240
Okay, Derrick,
let's start with you.

256
00:13:41,275 --> 00:13:44,711
Exactly how much thought did you put
into getting Jenny that gift?

257
00:13:44,745 --> 00:13:47,714
- I put a ton of thought into it.
- What thought exactly was that?

258
00:13:48,003 --> 00:13:51,451
I looked in the box and I thought,
"Hey, it's too small for me."

259
00:13:53,152 --> 00:13:55,901
And, Tori, you gave Jenny
the gift of Internet fame,

260
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:58,392
but you hadn't even checked to see
if Jenny was even on Twitter.

261
00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:01,539
In my defense, I'm not
clear on her last name.

262
00:14:02,097 --> 00:14:05,767
Tori, it's Miller.
It says it right here.

263
00:14:06,234 --> 00:14:08,757
And I also went in on
the dog poop with Derrick.

264
00:14:08,758 --> 00:14:11,793
So you literally gave
half a shit? Impressive.

265
00:14:14,809 --> 00:14:17,378
Okay, let's talk about
your gift, Harvard.

266
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,816
I have nothing to hide. I mean,
look at it. My gift is all about Jenny.

267
00:14:20,817 --> 00:14:23,085
Your gift is literally
made of you.

268
00:14:23,119 --> 00:14:26,588
- Objection! Hearsay!
- Yes! We all heard you say it.

269
00:14:28,473 --> 00:14:30,407
Withdrawn.

270
00:14:31,891 --> 00:14:35,130
Now, Jenny, since we met, how many
half-movies have we seen?

271
00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:37,311
- I don't know.
- I do. Three.

272
00:14:37,345 --> 00:14:39,781
We always leave early
because you get too cold.

273
00:14:39,815 --> 00:14:41,861
- What's your point?
- My point is that I gave you

274
00:14:41,884 --> 00:14:43,918
the warmest thing that's
ever been on your body.

275
00:14:43,953 --> 00:14:46,887
And by the way, how does that hoodie fit?
Fits perfectly, doesn't it?

276
00:14:46,922 --> 00:14:48,723
Is that an accident,
or is it because

277
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,958
I always hear you complain
that a small fits too small

278
00:14:51,026 --> 00:14:53,094
and a medium fits too big,
so I found the only hoodie

279
00:14:53,128 --> 00:14:54,929
that comes
in a small and a half?

280
00:14:56,943 --> 00:14:58,808
And, Jenny, one final question.

281
00:14:58,842 --> 00:15:03,279
What is that tiny, dirty blue square
of soft fabric that lives on your pillow?

282
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:04,682
My baba?

283
00:15:04,683 --> 00:15:06,514
I'm sorry, could you say that
one more time for the room?

284
00:15:06,515 --> 00:15:09,264
- Sure. My baba.
- Your baba!

285
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:13,126
The blanket that you've
had since you were a baby,

286
00:15:13,127 --> 00:15:15,537
and the softest thing
your skin has ever touched.

287
00:15:15,538 --> 00:15:17,384
Until that hoodie.

288
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,855
Now you can tell me
that gift was too expensive,

289
00:15:20,856 --> 00:15:22,339
but you cannot say
that it was thoughtless,

290
00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:24,701
because I promise you, no one
has ever put more thought

291
00:15:24,702 --> 00:15:26,536
into getting a gift
than I did for you.

292
00:15:28,898 --> 00:15:30,832
I rest my case.

293
00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,626
Mr. Mansfield, I, uh,
just want you to know

294
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:46,327
I understand why
I'm not getting a bonus.

295
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,697
Well, that's a hell
of an icebreaker.

296
00:15:48,731 --> 00:15:51,100
Come on in. Sit down.
I want to hear this.

297
00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:53,503
Okay. Well, uh, I realize now
that I was content

298
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:56,372
to hit my targets
rather than exceed them.

299
00:15:56,407 --> 00:15:59,342
Uh, some weekends, I simply
skim the Nikkei reports.

300
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:01,677
And quite often,
I use the office computers

301
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,045
to search for Kardashian
nip slips.

302
00:16:05,514 --> 00:16:07,281
Well done, Mr. Wen.

303
00:16:07,315 --> 00:16:09,049
That's the first time
you've been self-critical

304
00:16:09,117 --> 00:16:12,864
since you've been with us, so
it pleases me to give you... your bonus.

305
00:16:12,989 --> 00:16:14,356
Thank you, sir.

306
00:16:14,424 --> 00:16:17,059
You've done some
real nice work on yourself.

307
00:16:17,093 --> 00:16:22,197
'Cause as Carl Jung once said,
"He who looks inside, awakes."

308
00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:24,666
I think it all started
when my parents told me

309
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:27,271
I was not good enough
for a goldfish.

310
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,849
Get your feet the hell
off my furniture,

311
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:35,113
and take care of all of that
personal crap on your own time.

312
00:16:35,114 --> 00:16:37,049
Go on, get out of here.

313
00:16:37,343 --> 00:16:38,562
Mr. Moyer?

314
00:16:38,563 --> 00:16:40,292
- Sir?
- Come on in.

315
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,721
Here's your bonus, son.
Please don't open it in here.

316
00:16:44,756 --> 00:16:47,691
I have a certain image of you,
and I don't want it ruined

317
00:16:47,725 --> 00:16:50,427
by seeing you giggle
like a geisha.

318
00:16:51,355 --> 00:16:53,854
- I don't understand.
- It's a Japanese hostess.

319
00:16:53,855 --> 00:16:56,789
When they laugh, they cover their
mouth, and they do this thing...

320
00:16:56,790 --> 00:16:59,971
No, I get the reference.
I-I just... I lost the bet.

321
00:16:59,972 --> 00:17:02,561
Oh, come on, son, I'm not gonna
take hard-earned money

322
00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:05,164
away from you just because
you made a-a silly bet.

323
00:17:05,165 --> 00:17:07,300
I'm a... I'm a businessman
and I'm a grownup.

324
00:17:07,301 --> 00:17:09,932
You will, however, notice
in the memo section of that check,

325
00:17:09,933 --> 00:17:12,569
I wrote,
"Naa naa, na na na."

326
00:17:14,216 --> 00:17:16,617
Just to remind myself
I was right.

327
00:17:16,956 --> 00:17:18,824
Thank you, sir.

328
00:17:18,891 --> 00:17:21,126
Jenny. Can I help you?

329
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,895
Hi, Mr. Mansfield, sir.
Um...

330
00:17:23,930 --> 00:17:28,305
I was just bringing Brody something
work-related that he asked for.

331
00:17:28,488 --> 00:17:30,790
Uh... a tampon
and a nickel.

332
00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:36,842
That's awkward.

333
00:17:40,713 --> 00:17:42,880
(Sighs) Hi.
(Chuckles nervously)

334
00:17:42,915 --> 00:17:46,785
Um... what you did
down there

335
00:17:46,786 --> 00:17:48,954
was really awesome.

336
00:17:49,288 --> 00:17:51,580
And maybe I am
a reverse snob.

337
00:17:51,581 --> 00:17:56,347
I just... I have never had anything
as nice (laughs) as that hoodie before.

338
00:17:56,641 --> 00:18:00,060
But then again, I've never
dated a guy like you before.

339
00:18:00,266 --> 00:18:01,700
(Laughs)

340
00:18:03,103 --> 00:18:05,170
Mmm. Now can I please
have my hoodie back?

341
00:18:05,205 --> 00:18:07,640
(Laughs) It's the only thing
I've ever gotten

342
00:18:07,674 --> 00:18:09,775
that's better than my hole.
(Chuckles, stops)

343
00:18:13,781 --> 00:18:16,338
Oh, God, I've been telling
that story for 20 years,

344
00:18:16,339 --> 00:18:17,666
and I just now
heard how it sounds.

345
00:18:17,667 --> 00:18:18,867
Yeah.

346
00:18:20,105 --> 00:18:21,587
Okay...
(Chuckles)

347
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:24,451
- Well, Happy Birthday... again.
- Thanks!

348
00:18:24,474 --> 00:18:26,338
So you coming
downstairs for the party?

349
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:27,799
Yeah. I just have to do
one thing first.

350
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:29,274
- Okay.
- Okay.

351
00:18:32,098 --> 00:18:34,594
I thought you'd like to know that
Jenny totally loved the hoodie,

352
00:18:34,595 --> 00:18:36,607
is even more into me
than ever, and, uh...

353
00:18:36,608 --> 00:18:40,582
(Inhales) What's the other thing?
Oh, yes! Naa naa, na na na! (Laughs)

354
00:18:42,610 --> 00:18:45,654
You'll find the bottle of Bordeaux
behind you on that table.

355
00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:48,489
It has your name on it with
a "Congratulations" card next to it.

356
00:18:48,490 --> 00:18:50,784
Wait. So you knew all along
that I'd win the bet?

357
00:18:50,818 --> 00:18:53,186
Of course I didn't know.
I don't have special powers.

358
00:18:53,221 --> 00:18:54,864
Bless you.
(Sneezes)

359
00:18:58,672 --> 00:18:59,926
Thank you.

360
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,688
No, I had hoped she was the kind
of girl who could handle it.

361
00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:05,231
Truth be told, my wife
didn't come from money, either,

362
00:19:05,265 --> 00:19:08,643
although she got used to it
pretty freaking quick.

363
00:19:09,637 --> 00:19:14,002
- So you ruined your wife?
- Oh, I ruined the hell out of her.

364
00:19:14,546 --> 00:19:17,123
There's nothing better than
ruining the right woman.

365
00:19:17,812 --> 00:19:20,914
I hope I get the chance.
Thank you so much for the wine.

366
00:19:20,949 --> 00:19:24,818
Open it on a special occasion, like
maybe when... when you make partner.

367
00:19:24,885 --> 00:19:27,720
(Giggles)

368
00:19:29,924 --> 00:19:34,094
(Dance music playing)

369
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,963
Can I buy you a drink?

370
00:19:36,031 --> 00:19:37,931
Uh, actually,
I brought something

371
00:19:37,966 --> 00:19:40,818
that I was gonna save for a special
occasion, but this seems pretty special.

372
00:19:40,819 --> 00:19:43,270
Oh, no, you know what?
I'm not really a wine person.

373
00:19:43,271 --> 00:19:46,513
Trust me, you are about to be.
(Chuckles)

374
00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:49,191
Happy Birthday.
(Cups clink)

375
00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:53,283
Ahh...

376
00:19:53,284 --> 00:19:56,515
Ooh. You know what would
make this way better?

377
00:20:08,264 --> 00:20:11,341
Something bad has happened!

378
00:20:12,409 --> 00:20:15,785
Ooh. Now that is delicious.

379
00:20:17,247 --> 00:20:19,248
I love that I can't ruin you.

380
00:20:19,283 --> 00:20:22,285
Although I think
you ruined me for other girls.

381
00:20:22,319 --> 00:20:24,029
Hmm.

382
00:20:24,634 --> 00:20:26,135
What you looking for?

383
00:20:26,202 --> 00:20:27,903
I was just waiting
for Harvard to come in

384
00:20:27,937 --> 00:20:30,512
with some sort of
a douche-related insult.

385
00:20:30,773 --> 00:20:32,807
Where is Harvard anyway?

386
00:20:32,842 --> 00:20:35,542
(Shovel scraping, police radio chatter)
(Humming)

387
00:20:35,577 --> 00:20:38,512
- Good evening, officer.
- What are you doing?

388
00:20:38,547 --> 00:20:42,150
I am digging a hole
for a girl.

389
00:20:43,373 --> 00:20:45,507
I bought her a present,
and, she, uh,

390
00:20:45,541 --> 00:20:48,410
she hated it. And I got
pretty upset about that.

391
00:20:48,444 --> 00:20:51,580
So... I said to myself,
this is the answer.

392
00:20:51,614 --> 00:20:55,384
Dig a hole, make it big enough,
(chuckling) so she can get inside.

393
00:20:56,853 --> 00:20:59,812
(Laughing)
She is going to die.

394
00:21:01,214 --> 00:21:02,414
What?

395
00:21:02,673 --> 00:21:05,673
Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef
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395
00:21:06,305 --> 00:21:12,452
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