1
00:00:03,684 --> 00:00:05,309
You're going to lose!
2
00:00:05,334 --> 00:00:08,416
You're going to lose,
you're going to lose...
3
00:00:09,230 --> 00:00:12,079
Jenny's birthday present
isn't a competition.
4
00:00:12,104 --> 00:00:15,379
Oh, that's right. Because...
You're going to lose!
5
00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:17,887
You're going to lose,
you're going to lose...
6
00:00:17,888 --> 00:00:19,984
No, not this year.
7
00:00:19,985 --> 00:00:22,524
I got this from the startup
company on the 13th floor.
8
00:00:22,525 --> 00:00:26,242
They just went under, and they have
the best leftover swag. Look at this.
9
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:30,214
"dogtagd.net"...?
Isn't that the dog sex site?
10
00:00:31,777 --> 00:00:34,883
It's a mapping app to find
available dogs in your area, okay?
11
00:00:34,884 --> 00:00:37,363
- To have sex with?
- No!
12
00:00:37,364 --> 00:00:41,219
For your dog to play with!
What is wrong with you guys?
13
00:00:41,527 --> 00:00:44,357
Plus, I got one more thing.
Boo-yeow!
14
00:00:44,358 --> 00:00:46,262
Dogtagd novelty dog poop.
15
00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:48,903
♪ How you like me now?
(Snaps fingers)
16
00:00:48,971 --> 00:00:52,644
Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!
No holding hands! It's flu season!
17
00:00:52,679 --> 00:00:54,212
(Laughs)
18
00:00:54,241 --> 00:00:57,636
- What's with that gift?
- Oh, uh, it's my birthday tomorrow.
19
00:00:57,637 --> 00:00:59,419
No, it's not. Jenny!
20
00:00:59,420 --> 00:01:02,101
Why didn't you tell me
it's your birthday tomorrow?
21
00:01:02,102 --> 00:01:03,861
Well, it's just a birthday.
I don't know.
22
00:01:03,862 --> 00:01:06,615
- I don't want to make a fuss.
- Well, I do want to make a fuss.
23
00:01:06,616 --> 00:01:08,049
And I'm telling you
right now,
24
00:01:08,050 --> 00:01:10,034
I'm the best gift giver
on the face of this planet.
25
00:01:10,035 --> 00:01:11,792
I'm gonna kick
everyone's ass here.
26
00:01:11,868 --> 00:01:14,838
Whoa!
It's not a competition.
27
00:01:14,839 --> 00:01:16,740
(Singsongy) Psycho!
28
00:01:18,406 --> 00:01:20,725
I don't know, I just never
really cared about gifts.
29
00:01:20,726 --> 00:01:24,488
In fact, the best gift that I ever got
was for my 8th birthday,
30
00:01:24,489 --> 00:01:27,855
when my mom let me dig a hole
in our backyard. (Chuckles)
31
00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:30,210
So your gift was a hole?
32
00:01:30,211 --> 00:01:32,378
That's right...
A hole...
33
00:01:36,527 --> 00:01:39,684
Brody, you're missing the point.
It's not about money, you know?
34
00:01:39,685 --> 00:01:44,455
It was so thoughtful. And me and my
brothers, we used to sleep in it. Yeah.
35
00:01:45,165 --> 00:01:49,734
Yeah, well, I'm gonna get you a gift
that's gonna blow your hole away.
36
00:01:52,005 --> 00:01:53,538
(Laughs)
37
00:01:53,573 --> 00:01:56,573
♪
38
00:01:59,918 --> 00:02:02,987
Season 1, Episode 4
"The Gift"
39
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:06,164
Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:02:06,307 --> 00:02:09,779
Bro, great news. I just
bought a pair of jet skis.
41
00:02:09,911 --> 00:02:11,868
- You mean, like, His and Hers?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
42
00:02:11,869 --> 00:02:14,163
Except there's no "Hers,"
it's just "His"
43
00:02:14,164 --> 00:02:15,867
and "His other one."
44
00:02:16,863 --> 00:02:20,460
I thought we agreed that you wouldn't
buy any more personal watercrafts
45
00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:23,549
until you at least learned
how to swim, or had money.
46
00:02:23,571 --> 00:02:24,773
It's all good.
47
00:02:24,774 --> 00:02:27,070
It's the end of the quarter.
Mansfield's about to hand out bonuses.
48
00:02:27,071 --> 00:02:30,032
Mr. Wen.
You're getting a bonus?
49
00:02:30,099 --> 00:02:32,455
Congratulations.
I hadn't heard.
50
00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:36,246
Mr. Moyer, come here.
51
00:02:37,463 --> 00:02:41,222
The only way to justify a morning cigar
is to be either out on a golf course
52
00:02:41,223 --> 00:02:43,673
or in a meeting, and since
I was just fined last week
53
00:02:43,708 --> 00:02:46,573
for chipping golf balls
up at that helipad,
54
00:02:46,574 --> 00:02:48,308
welcome to our meeting.
55
00:02:48,518 --> 00:02:50,585
Okay. So what's
our meeting about?
56
00:02:50,596 --> 00:02:52,272
Oh, I think you know.
57
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,908
Is it about me searching for Jenny's
birthday gift on company time?
58
00:02:57,597 --> 00:02:59,465
It is now!
59
00:03:00,926 --> 00:03:03,362
So a gift for Jenny?
60
00:03:03,404 --> 00:03:07,799
I say, what do you get
the girl who has nothing?
61
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:11,124
I'm actually the best
gift giver in the world.
62
00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:14,213
You're not even the best
gift giver on this balcony.
63
00:03:14,866 --> 00:03:17,113
Guess what I got my wife
for her last birthday.
64
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,066
I'll... I'll tell you if you're
in the right ballpark.
65
00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:22,168
- I would have no idea.
- I got her a ballpark.
66
00:03:24,092 --> 00:03:27,361
Look at this view. Huh?
Tell me what you see.
67
00:03:27,395 --> 00:03:30,396
Some very nervous people
on a helipad.
68
00:03:32,688 --> 00:03:34,489
Pussies.
69
00:03:36,135 --> 00:03:37,968
I see limitless opportunity.
70
00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:40,932
You know what they see when they
look out their windows downstairs?
71
00:03:40,933 --> 00:03:43,667
Nothing.
They don't have windows.
72
00:03:44,174 --> 00:03:46,723
Closest thing they're gonna
come to an expensive cigar
73
00:03:46,724 --> 00:03:48,704
is about ten seconds
from...
74
00:03:49,347 --> 00:03:51,044
Now.
75
00:03:51,319 --> 00:03:53,373
Well, they happen to be
really nice people.
76
00:03:53,374 --> 00:03:56,725
No, I didn't say they weren't. They
just have a very different world view.
77
00:03:56,857 --> 00:03:58,069
(Cigar thuds)
78
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:00,967
Ooh, sweet!
Morning cigar!
79
00:04:01,994 --> 00:04:04,619
You know, if you...
If you do buy Jenny a nice gift...
80
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:07,131
And you should,
because she deserves it...
81
00:04:07,166 --> 00:04:10,335
You're going to be injecting
money into the equation,
82
00:04:10,403 --> 00:04:12,138
and that changes everything.
83
00:04:12,172 --> 00:04:16,376
Hey, I'm not worried. Like Jenny always
says, money can't buy happiness.
84
00:04:16,443 --> 00:04:19,211
And like I always say,
bullshit!
85
00:04:21,002 --> 00:04:24,037
Money absolutely can buy
happiness.
86
00:04:24,071 --> 00:04:26,789
Listen, Jenny is one of the happiest
people I have ever met,
87
00:04:26,790 --> 00:04:29,709
and the best
gift she ever got was a hole.
88
00:04:31,612 --> 00:04:33,846
Let me... let me just
tell you something.
89
00:04:33,847 --> 00:04:37,748
Money put my girls through
the finest schools in this country.
90
00:04:37,782 --> 00:04:41,728
Money also let me build that
maternity ward at the hospital.
91
00:04:41,729 --> 00:04:45,878
And money is going to pay for
that helicopter's new window.
92
00:04:45,879 --> 00:04:46,908
(Hits ball)
93
00:04:46,909 --> 00:04:48,744
Fore!
94
00:04:55,115 --> 00:04:59,989
(Gasps) Oh, wow!
A sweatshirt from dogtagd.net?!
95
00:05:01,211 --> 00:05:05,273
- That's the dog sex site, right?
- Okay, it's not a dog sex site.
96
00:05:05,274 --> 00:05:08,509
It's a way for dogs to meet other
like-minded dogs to play with.
97
00:05:08,524 --> 00:05:11,095
Well, I will wear it proudly.
(Giggles)
98
00:05:11,096 --> 00:05:13,676
- Oh! (Gasps) A poop, too?
- Ooh! Surprise!
99
00:05:13,677 --> 00:05:15,711
(Laughs)
100
00:05:17,409 --> 00:05:21,878
Well, I'm giving you something
that nobody else here can give you.
101
00:05:21,879 --> 00:05:23,396
(Laughs) What are you doing?
102
00:05:23,397 --> 00:05:26,999
I have over 10,000
gay Twitter followers.
103
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:31,235
And after I tweet this picture of you
and I, they will all be following you.
104
00:05:31,236 --> 00:05:32,824
- Are you ready?
- Uh-huh.
105
00:05:33,682 --> 00:05:36,616
Congratulations. You just got gayed.
(Laughs)
106
00:05:37,090 --> 00:05:39,318
Thanks, but I'm...
I'm not on Twitter.
107
00:05:39,353 --> 00:05:40,785
Oh!
108
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:42,643
I went halfsies
on the poop.
109
00:05:42,821 --> 00:05:46,257
(Harvard) Okay, okay, okay.
Winning gift coming through.
110
00:05:46,292 --> 00:05:47,893
- Okay.
- Oh.
111
00:05:50,329 --> 00:05:53,727
Don't be intimidated by the size
of my package. (Laughs)
112
00:05:55,533 --> 00:05:57,547
All right, Jenny, go ahead
and open it up.
113
00:05:57,548 --> 00:05:59,688
- Uh...
- Okay.
114
00:06:01,675 --> 00:06:03,542
Oh, wow, that's me.
115
00:06:03,543 --> 00:06:05,511
(Laughs)
116
00:06:05,795 --> 00:06:07,997
Yeah, look closer.
You see it?
117
00:06:07,998 --> 00:06:09,783
It's a mosaic.
(Laughs)
118
00:06:09,818 --> 00:06:12,854
It's you made out of a bunch
of tiny photos of me. (Laughs)
119
00:06:12,888 --> 00:06:15,657
Oh, wow, Harvard, I...
um...
120
00:06:15,691 --> 00:06:17,859
I don't know what to say.
121
00:06:17,893 --> 00:06:20,928
It's not serial killer-y
at all.
122
00:06:22,397 --> 00:06:26,267
- Your serve.
- Well, uh, you certainly set the bar...
123
00:06:26,301 --> 00:06:28,636
In a secret room
in your basement, but, uh,
124
00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:31,405
I happen to have
a pretty good gift myself.
125
00:06:31,439 --> 00:06:33,373
(Laughs) You didn't have to.
126
00:06:33,408 --> 00:06:35,376
But I'm really, really
glad that you did.
127
00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:36,610
(Giggles)
128
00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:40,894
- Ooh! A hoodie!
- Yeah.
129
00:06:40,928 --> 00:06:43,263
Damn, dude, that hoodie doesn't
even have a logo on it!
130
00:06:43,298 --> 00:06:46,233
- Oh, it's nice!
- Thanks.
131
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:48,936
Oh! So soft! (Laughs)
(Laughs)
132
00:06:48,970 --> 00:06:51,739
Oh, holy freaking crap,
this is soft.
133
00:06:53,175 --> 00:06:56,388
Oh. It's wonderful.
I love it. Thank you.
134
00:06:56,419 --> 00:06:58,109
Guys, guys, do you...
135
00:06:58,110 --> 00:06:59,912
Wanna know how I did the mole
on your cheek?
136
00:06:59,947 --> 00:07:01,875
- No!
- No!
137
00:07:02,550 --> 00:07:05,153
Relax. It is not
what you're thinking.
138
00:07:05,187 --> 00:07:06,822
Oh, my God.
139
00:07:06,856 --> 00:07:08,090
It's my butt.
140
00:07:08,124 --> 00:07:10,192
(Groaning)
141
00:07:10,226 --> 00:07:12,896
Okay, there's no question
I'm getting a bonus, right?
142
00:07:12,897 --> 00:07:15,836
I've hit all my targets, I have
worked three Saturdays a month.
143
00:07:15,837 --> 00:07:17,914
I even shagged golf balls
off that helipad for Mansfield,
144
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:20,238
and those balls
come in fast, man!
145
00:07:20,804 --> 00:07:23,852
Well, don't tell me.
Tell Mansfield.
146
00:07:24,608 --> 00:07:26,209
You're right.
147
00:07:26,243 --> 00:07:28,203
I shouldn't be afraid
of my boss.
148
00:07:28,204 --> 00:07:30,172
He's just a man.
149
00:07:30,173 --> 00:07:32,736
He doesn't have
special powers.
150
00:07:37,355 --> 00:07:40,257
- Who doesn't have special powers?
- Ohh!
151
00:07:44,618 --> 00:07:46,586
Did you want to tell me
something, Mr. Wen?
152
00:07:46,587 --> 00:07:49,628
Uh, yeah, sir.
I, uh, have been thinking
153
00:07:49,629 --> 00:07:52,563
a lot about my quarter, and I
can say with absolute confidence
154
00:07:52,564 --> 00:07:56,708
that I definitely believe
that I, uh, quite possibly
155
00:07:56,742 --> 00:08:00,079
deserve a bonus
of some type if...
156
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,714
You agree.
157
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:05,684
I think you've just answered your
own question, don't you, Mr. Wen?
158
00:08:06,171 --> 00:08:07,730
Yes.
159
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,190
And look at you.
160
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,992
You seem pretty pleased
with yourself.
161
00:08:13,030 --> 00:08:16,598
I recognize that look from my very
own mirror, of course. (Chuckles)
162
00:08:17,799 --> 00:08:22,603
I got Jenny an Henri Pétard
cashmere hoodie, and she loves it.
163
00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:24,304
Thataboy!
(Laughs)
164
00:08:24,339 --> 00:08:25,499
- (Laughs) All right!
- Yeah.
165
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,068
- You ruined her.
- What?
166
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,745
See this Bordeaux?
167
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,380
It is spectacular.
168
00:08:33,414 --> 00:08:36,350
In fact, it's one of the top five
vintages in the history of grapes.
169
00:08:36,384 --> 00:08:39,992
My mentor gave me a case
20 years ago when I made partner.
170
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:45,162
If you drink this wine, it will ruin
all other wines for you forever.
171
00:08:45,261 --> 00:08:48,388
Oh. Well, that's impossible.
I've had lots of good wine before.
172
00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:50,490
I spent a semester
abroad in France.
173
00:08:50,525 --> 00:08:52,562
Fair enough.
Drink up.
174
00:08:55,236 --> 00:08:58,138
Ooh. That's good.
Really good.
175
00:08:58,139 --> 00:08:59,973
Here it comes.
Three, two...
176
00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:03,294
Oh, my God, I'm finding taste buds
I never even knew I had.
177
00:09:03,712 --> 00:09:06,815
Is it possible to taste color?
My tongue is alive!
178
00:09:06,849 --> 00:09:08,316
Ooh!
179
00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:10,618
- And finally...
- I miss my dad.
180
00:09:10,652 --> 00:09:12,326
Yeah.
181
00:09:12,327 --> 00:09:16,330
And now any other wine you
ever drink will taste like cat piss.
182
00:09:17,226 --> 00:09:19,994
Just like the hoodie
that you got for Jenny
183
00:09:20,028 --> 00:09:24,144
will make all of her other clothes feel
like she is slow-dancing with a cactus.
184
00:09:24,276 --> 00:09:26,801
You've exposed her
to the finer things.
185
00:09:26,802 --> 00:09:30,238
- There's no going back now.
- Sir, you don't know Jenny.
186
00:09:30,339 --> 00:09:33,841
It gives me no joy to be right.
Well, that's not true.
187
00:09:33,876 --> 00:09:36,396
It gives me tremendous joy
to be right.
188
00:09:36,778 --> 00:09:39,213
I-it gives me no joy
to see your relationship
189
00:09:39,247 --> 00:09:41,917
come undone
by virtue of a gift.
190
00:09:41,951 --> 00:09:43,385
I bet you're wrong.
191
00:09:43,419 --> 00:09:46,121
I bet this gift brings
Jenny and me even closer.
192
00:09:46,155 --> 00:09:48,924
I'll take that bet.
If I'm right, I get your bonus.
193
00:09:48,991 --> 00:09:50,760
Fair enough.
And if I'm right?
194
00:09:50,822 --> 00:09:53,497
- You get a unicorn.
- What?
195
00:09:53,602 --> 00:09:55,570
What's it matter?
You can't win.
196
00:09:55,571 --> 00:09:59,968
Fine. Fine, fine. If you win, I will
put up the final bottle of this Bordeaux.
197
00:09:59,969 --> 00:10:01,937
- It's a bet.
- Fine. Let's drink to it.
198
00:10:01,971 --> 00:10:05,857
This is the 2007
wine of the year.
199
00:10:05,858 --> 00:10:10,043
It is the second-best wine
you will ever have.
200
00:10:10,078 --> 00:10:12,379
Let me know
how that tastes.
201
00:10:14,282 --> 00:10:16,183
(Shudders)
202
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,258
Cat piss, right?
Yeah.
203
00:10:27,611 --> 00:10:31,172
You stroke that thing any harder,
it's gonna have to buy you dinner.
204
00:10:31,466 --> 00:10:34,302
(Laughs) It's the softest thing
that I have ever felt.
205
00:10:34,336 --> 00:10:36,437
Of course that douche has to go out
and get you a gift
206
00:10:36,471 --> 00:10:37,972
that makes all our gifts
look crappy.
207
00:10:38,006 --> 00:10:39,774
Hey, he is not a douche,
okay?
208
00:10:39,808 --> 00:10:42,209
It's just a hoodie.
Anybody could have bought it.
209
00:10:42,277 --> 00:10:45,131
Whoa! Not that hoodie.
(Inhales)
210
00:10:45,156 --> 00:10:47,149
- It's an Henri Pétard.
- What?
211
00:10:47,150 --> 00:10:49,515
He only uses wool made
from the underbelly of goats
212
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:53,569
who have spent their entire lives beings
pampered, groomed, and gently masturbated.
213
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:54,770
Ooh.
214
00:10:55,667 --> 00:10:57,706
I wish I was a goat.
215
00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:06,008
Fine, but you know what? That does not
mean that Brody went crazy on his gift.
216
00:11:06,009 --> 00:11:09,036
Look. See? He paid $40...
For shipping.
217
00:11:09,037 --> 00:11:13,035
Oh, my God!
This thing cost $630?
218
00:11:13,036 --> 00:11:16,704
What?! The only way
a hoodie is worth $630
219
00:11:16,705 --> 00:11:20,124
if there's a $600 bill
in those pockets.
220
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:31,621
- These cost $630?
- I don't know. I didn't check the price.
221
00:11:31,637 --> 00:11:33,487
Do you think
that impresses me?
222
00:11:33,489 --> 00:11:36,391
Not unless "impresses"
means "makes angry."
223
00:11:37,516 --> 00:11:39,865
- Why? What's going on?
- I can't keep this hoodie.
224
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,900
- I thought you loved it.
- I do love it.
225
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:44,069
- I just don't want it.
- Why don't you want it?
226
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,772
I do want it.
I just can't keep it.
227
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:49,543
It costs more than my rent,
and I don't want to be a snob.
228
00:11:49,577 --> 00:11:52,647
Well, you're worse than a snob.
You're, like, a reverse snob.
229
00:11:52,648 --> 00:11:54,248
(Gasps)
230
00:11:55,914 --> 00:11:59,945
How dare you,
and what does that mean?
231
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:05,424
It means that you purposely don't like
things because they're expensive.
232
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,994
I just don't want
this hoodie! Okay?
233
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,881
It's not me,
and if you think it is,
234
00:12:09,882 --> 00:12:12,459
then maybe you don't know me
very well. (Whimpers)
235
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,643
Just looks to me like
you really love it.
236
00:12:18,644 --> 00:12:21,636
Of course I love it!
I just hate it!
237
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:27,935
Again, not happy about
you and the girl, but...
238
00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:30,414
Very happy to be right!
239
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,526
See? You didn't need
Brody's hoodie.
240
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,460
- You got dogtagd!
- (Laughing) Yeah!
241
00:12:44,779 --> 00:12:46,498
Okay, we need to talk.
242
00:12:46,532 --> 00:12:48,467
You can say a lot
of bad things about me.
243
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:51,069
I work too hard,
I use too much hair product...
244
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,272
Wow, I'm really
too self-critical.
245
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,209
But... the one thing
you cannot say about me
246
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,044
is that I'm not
a thoughtful gift giver.
247
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,346
(Clapping)
248
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,762
Bravo.
249
00:13:03,906 --> 00:13:06,887
Save that for your $25-an-hour
therapist.
250
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:11,400
- Therapists make way more than that.
- Seriously?
251
00:13:12,368 --> 00:13:15,528
Why am I not a therapist?
I hate my parents.
252
00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:20,565
Brody, the hoodie was beautiful.
You just didn't think it through.
253
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:23,417
Yeah, look, man, it's not your fault.
You only knew her for a few weeks.
254
00:13:23,418 --> 00:13:26,107
We've known her for years.
That's why your gift sucked ass.
255
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,375
First of all, my gift
did not suck ass.
256
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,700
Secondly, I know Jenny
very well.
257
00:13:31,701 --> 00:13:35,980
In fact, I would argue that my gift was
the most thoughtful of anyone's here.
258
00:13:36,014 --> 00:13:38,735
Oh, no. I know you ain't
talkin' to me.
259
00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:41,117
Okay, Derrick,
let's start with you.
260
00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:44,588
Exactly how much thought did you put
into getting Jenny that gift?
261
00:13:44,622 --> 00:13:47,591
- I put a ton of thought into it.
- What thought exactly was that?
262
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,328
I looked in the box and I thought,
"Hey, it's too small for me."
263
00:13:53,029 --> 00:13:55,778
And, Tori, you gave Jenny
the gift of Internet fame,
264
00:13:55,779 --> 00:13:58,269
but you hadn't even checked to see
if Jenny was even on Twitter.
265
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:01,416
In my defense, I'm not
clear on her last name.
266
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:05,644
Tori, it's Miller.
It says it right here.
267
00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:08,634
And I also went in on
the dog poop with Derrick.
268
00:14:08,635 --> 00:14:11,670
So you literally gave
half a shit? Impressive.
269
00:14:14,686 --> 00:14:17,255
Okay, let's talk about
your gift, Harvard.
270
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,693
I have nothing to hide. I mean,
look at it. My gift is all about Jenny.
271
00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,962
Your gift is literally
made of you.
272
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:26,465
- Objection! Hearsay!
- Yes! We all heard you say it.
273
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:30,284
Withdrawn.
274
00:14:31,768 --> 00:14:35,007
Now, Jenny, since we met, how many
half-movies have we seen?
275
00:14:35,287 --> 00:14:37,188
- I don't know.
- I do. Three.
276
00:14:37,222 --> 00:14:39,658
We always leave early
because you get too cold.
277
00:14:39,692 --> 00:14:41,738
- What's your point?
- My point is that I gave you
278
00:14:41,761 --> 00:14:43,795
the warmest thing that's
ever been on your body.
279
00:14:43,830 --> 00:14:46,764
And by the way, how does that hoodie fit?
Fits perfectly, doesn't it?
280
00:14:46,799 --> 00:14:48,600
Is that an accident,
or is it because
281
00:14:48,634 --> 00:14:50,835
I always hear you complain
that a small fits too small
282
00:14:50,903 --> 00:14:52,971
and a medium fits too big,
so I found the only hoodie
283
00:14:53,005 --> 00:14:54,806
that comes
in a small and a half?
284
00:14:56,820 --> 00:14:58,685
And, Jenny, one final question.
285
00:14:58,719 --> 00:15:03,156
What is that tiny, dirty blue square
of soft fabric that lives on your pillow?
286
00:15:03,344 --> 00:15:04,559
My baba?
287
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,391
I'm sorry, could you say that
one more time for the room?
288
00:15:06,392 --> 00:15:09,141
- Sure. My baba.
- Your baba!
289
00:15:10,703 --> 00:15:13,003
The blanket that you've
had since you were a baby,
290
00:15:13,004 --> 00:15:15,414
and the softest thing
your skin has ever touched.
291
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,261
Until that hoodie.
292
00:15:18,197 --> 00:15:20,732
Now you can tell me
that gift was too expensive,
293
00:15:20,733 --> 00:15:22,216
but you cannot say
that it was thoughtless,
294
00:15:22,217 --> 00:15:24,578
because I promise you, no one
has ever put more thought
295
00:15:24,579 --> 00:15:26,413
into getting a gift
than I did for you.
296
00:15:28,775 --> 00:15:30,709
I rest my case.
297
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:38,074
-= www.OpenSubtitles.org =-
298
00:15:42,402 --> 00:15:44,503
Mr. Mansfield, I, uh,
just want you to know
299
00:15:44,537 --> 00:15:46,204
I understand why
I'm not getting a bonus.
300
00:15:46,239 --> 00:15:48,574
Well, that's a hell
of an icebreaker.
301
00:15:48,608 --> 00:15:50,977
Come on in. Sit down.
I want to hear this.
302
00:15:51,011 --> 00:15:53,380
Okay. Well, uh, I realize now
that I was content
303
00:15:53,414 --> 00:15:56,249
to hit my targets
rather than exceed them.
304
00:15:56,284 --> 00:15:59,219
Uh, some weekends, I simply
skim the Nikkei reports.
305
00:15:59,253 --> 00:16:01,554
And quite often,
I use the office computers
306
00:16:01,588 --> 00:16:03,922
to search for Kardashian
nip slips.
307
00:16:05,391 --> 00:16:07,158
Well done, Mr. Wen.
308
00:16:07,192 --> 00:16:08,926
That's the first time
you've been self-critical
309
00:16:08,994 --> 00:16:12,741
since you've been with us, so
it pleases me to give you... your bonus.
310
00:16:12,866 --> 00:16:14,233
Thank you, sir.
311
00:16:14,301 --> 00:16:16,936
You've done some
real nice work on yourself.
312
00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:22,074
'Cause as Carl Jung once said,
"He who looks inside, awakes."
313
00:16:22,142 --> 00:16:24,543
I think it all started
when my parents told me
314
00:16:24,577 --> 00:16:27,148
I was not good enough
for a goldfish.
315
00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:32,726
Get your feet the hell
off my furniture,
316
00:16:32,727 --> 00:16:34,990
and take care of all that
personal crap on your own time.
317
00:16:34,991 --> 00:16:36,926
Go on, get out of here.
318
00:16:37,220 --> 00:16:38,439
Mr. Moyer?
319
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,169
- Sir?
- Come on in.
320
00:16:41,997 --> 00:16:44,598
Here's your bonus, son.
Please don't open it in here.
321
00:16:44,633 --> 00:16:47,568
I have a certain image of you,
and I don't want it ruined
322
00:16:47,602 --> 00:16:50,304
by seeing you giggle
like a geisha.
323
00:16:51,232 --> 00:16:53,731
- I don't understand.
- It's a Japanese hostess.
324
00:16:53,732 --> 00:16:56,666
When they laugh, they cover their
mouth, and they do this thing...
325
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,848
No, I get the reference.
I-I just... I lost the bet.
326
00:16:59,849 --> 00:17:02,438
Oh, come on, son, I'm not gonna
take hard-earned money
327
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:05,041
away from you just because
you made a-a silly bet.
328
00:17:05,042 --> 00:17:07,177
I'm a... I'm a businessman
and I'm a grownup.
329
00:17:07,178 --> 00:17:09,809
You will, however, notice
in the memo section of that check,
330
00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:12,446
I wrote,
"Naa naa, na na na."
331
00:17:14,093 --> 00:17:16,494
Just to remind myself
I was right.
332
00:17:16,833 --> 00:17:18,701
Thank you, sir.
333
00:17:18,768 --> 00:17:21,003
Jenny. Can I help you?
334
00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:23,772
Hi, Mr. Mansfield, sir.
Um...
335
00:17:23,807 --> 00:17:28,182
I was just bringing Brody something
work-related that he asked for.
336
00:17:28,365 --> 00:17:30,667
Uh... a tampon
and a nickel.
337
00:17:34,886 --> 00:17:36,719
That's awkward.
338
00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:42,757
(Sighs) Hi.
(Chuckles nervously)
339
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:46,662
Um... what you did
down there
340
00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:48,831
was really awesome.
341
00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:51,457
And maybe I am
a reverse snob.
342
00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:56,224
I just... I have never had anything
as nice (laughs) as that hoodie before.
343
00:17:56,518 --> 00:17:59,937
But then again, I've never
dated a guy like you before.
344
00:18:00,143 --> 00:18:01,577
(Laughs)
345
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:05,047
Mmm. Now can I please
have my hoodie back?
346
00:18:05,082 --> 00:18:07,517
(Laughs) It's the only thing
I've ever gotten
347
00:18:07,551 --> 00:18:09,652
that's better than my hole.
(Chuckles, stops)
348
00:18:13,658 --> 00:18:16,215
Oh, God, I've been telling
that story for 20 years,
349
00:18:16,216 --> 00:18:17,543
and I just now
heard how it sounds.
350
00:18:17,544 --> 00:18:18,744
Yeah.
351
00:18:19,982 --> 00:18:21,464
Okay...
(Chuckles)
352
00:18:21,499 --> 00:18:24,328
- Well, Happy Birthday... again.
- Thanks!
353
00:18:24,351 --> 00:18:26,215
So you coming
downstairs for the party?
354
00:18:26,216 --> 00:18:27,676
Yeah. I just have to do
one thing first.
355
00:18:27,677 --> 00:18:29,151
- Okay.
- Okay.
356
00:18:31,975 --> 00:18:34,471
I thought you'd like to know that
Jenny totally loved the hoodie,
357
00:18:34,472 --> 00:18:36,484
is even more into me
than ever, and, uh...
358
00:18:36,485 --> 00:18:40,459
(Inhales) What's the other thing?
Oh, yes! Naa naa, na na na! (Laughs)
359
00:18:42,487 --> 00:18:45,531
You'll find the bottle of Bordeaux
behind you on that table.
360
00:18:45,532 --> 00:18:48,366
It has your name on it with
a "Congratulations" card next to it.
361
00:18:48,367 --> 00:18:50,661
Wait. So you knew all along
that I'd win the bet?
362
00:18:50,695 --> 00:18:53,063
Of course I didn't know.
I don't have special powers.
363
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,741
Bless you.
(Sneezes)
364
00:18:58,549 --> 00:18:59,803
Thank you.
365
00:18:59,837 --> 00:19:02,565
No, I had hoped she was the kind
of girl who could handle it.
366
00:19:02,573 --> 00:19:05,108
Truth be told, my wife
didn't come from money, either,
367
00:19:05,142 --> 00:19:08,520
although she got used to it
pretty freaking quick.
368
00:19:09,514 --> 00:19:13,879
- So you ruined your wife?
- Oh, I ruined the hell out of her.
369
00:19:14,423 --> 00:19:17,000
There's nothing better than
ruining the right woman.
370
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:20,791
I hope I get the chance.
Thank you so much for the wine.
371
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:24,695
Open it on a special occasion, like
maybe when... when you make partner.
372
00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:27,597
(Giggles)
373
00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:33,971
(Dance music playing)
374
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,840
Can I buy you a drink?
375
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:37,808
Uh, actually,
I brought something
376
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,695
that I was gonna save for a special
occasion, but this seems pretty special.
377
00:19:40,696 --> 00:19:43,147
Oh, no, you know what?
I'm not really a wine person.
378
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:46,390
Trust me, you are about to be.
(Chuckles)
379
00:19:47,168 --> 00:19:49,068
Happy Birthday.
(Cups clink)
380
00:19:51,789 --> 00:19:53,160
Ahh...
381
00:19:53,161 --> 00:19:56,392
Ooh. You know what would
make this way better?
382
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:11,218
Something bad has happened!
383
00:20:12,286 --> 00:20:15,662
Ooh. Now that is delicious.
384
00:20:17,124 --> 00:20:19,125
I love that I can't ruin you.
385
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,162
Although I think
you ruined me for other girls.
386
00:20:22,196 --> 00:20:23,906
Hmm.
387
00:20:24,511 --> 00:20:26,012
What you looking for?
388
00:20:26,079 --> 00:20:27,780
I was just waiting
for Harvard to come in
389
00:20:27,814 --> 00:20:30,389
with some sort of
a douche-related insult.
390
00:20:30,650 --> 00:20:32,684
Where is Harvard anyway?
391
00:20:32,719 --> 00:20:35,419
(Shovel scraping, police radio chatter)
(Humming)
392
00:20:35,454 --> 00:20:38,389
- Good evening, officer.
- What are you doing?
393
00:20:38,424 --> 00:20:42,027
I am digging a hole
for a girl.
394
00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:45,384
I bought her a present,
and, she, uh,
395
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:48,287
she hated it. And I got
pretty upset about that.
396
00:20:48,321 --> 00:20:51,457
So... I said to myself,
this is the answer.
397
00:20:51,491 --> 00:20:55,261
Dig a hole, make it big enough,
(chuckling) so she can get inside.
398
00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:59,689
(Laughing)
She is going to die.
399
00:21:01,091 --> 00:21:02,291
What?
400
00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:05,550
Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
400
00:21:06,305 --> 00:21:12,452
-= www.OpenSubtitles.org =-