1
00:00:03,390 --> 00:00:05,400
All right, people, this is it.

2
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:06,810
In 72 hours,

3
00:00:06,810 --> 00:00:09,440
I get to watch my eldest daughter get married

4
00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:13,130
on a private island known only to tax evaders, yacht captains,

5
00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,440
and sea turtles.

6
00:00:15,050 --> 00:00:16,380
I'm so excited.

7
00:00:16,380 --> 00:00:18,230
Thank you so much for the plus one.

8
00:00:18,580 --> 00:00:19,620
You got a plus one?

9
00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,130
Did everyone get a plus one? Because I did not.

10
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,370
Well, i-in fairness, you are chronically single,

11
00:00:25,370 --> 00:00:27,560
and I just figured you wouldn't have anyone to bring,

12
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:28,960
and I didn't want to embarrass you.

13
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,330
Thank you, sir. This is much less embarrassing.

14
00:00:33,310 --> 00:00:34,210
This time tomorrow,

15
00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:37,770
I'll be in a tropical paradise surrounded by the ones I love.

16
00:00:37,780 --> 00:00:41,190
It's going to be, well, perfect.

17
00:00:42,220 --> 00:00:44,110
Ooh. Who's there?

18
00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:46,720
- Brody. - Brody who?

19
00:00:48,350 --> 00:00:49,950
Brody who...

20
00:00:50,010 --> 00:00:52,890
got caught in a joke he didn't mean to start.

21
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:54,890
I'm not following this at all.

22
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:56,230
Well, I knocked for good luck

23
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:57,910
because you said it was gonna be perfect.

24
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,800
I don't believe in luck. I-I make my own luck.

25
00:01:01,420 --> 00:01:03,890
- But that sign says "Lucky." - Yes.

26
00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:05,310
And I made that sign.

27
00:01:06,430 --> 00:01:08,660
Mr. Mansfield, look, your island's on the news.

28
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:10,290
Is that a volcano?

29
00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:11,490
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

30
00:01:11,490 --> 00:01:12,750
They've been making noise

31
00:01:12,750 --> 00:01:15,040
about that volcano erupting for years.

32
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They'll be talking about it for another thousand.

33
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,040
And there she blows!

34
00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,060
See? That's why I always knock wood.

35
00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:30,070
Yes, I see your point.

36
00:01:30,070 --> 00:01:33,060
Because that's just exactly how tectonic plates work.

37
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:35,330
A man knocks on a table in San Francisco,

38
00:01:35,330 --> 00:01:38,440
and the vibrations calm a distant volcano.

39
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,710
Hell, if only the ancient Romans had had that science,

40
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:43,900
I'd be having the wedding in Pompeii.

41
00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:48,830
Change this goddamn sign.

42
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:56,950
Thank you. It's here, you guys!

43
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,930
The most expensive thing I've ever gotten in the mail.

44
00:01:59,930 --> 00:02:01,670
I even got insurance for it.

45
00:02:01,670 --> 00:02:03,690
Now even mail needs insurance?

46
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,280
Ha ha. Thanks, Obama.

47
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:08,860
It's Brody's birthday present.

48
00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:11,230
I've never gotten him a real present before,

49
00:02:11,230 --> 00:02:13,760
and now I finally did, and it's perfect!

50
00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:17,020
Is it inside the pen?

51
00:02:18,570 --> 00:02:20,600
No. It is the pen.

52
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,720
This is a Duxbury phase one pen,

53
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,040
and I'm not even gonna tell you how much it cost.

54
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,510
$300.

55
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,950
Does it write in dragon's blood?

56
00:02:31,850 --> 00:02:32,760
No.

57
00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:35,460
I mean, maybe. I don't know.

58
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,750
Well, who buys pens anymore?

59
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,880
Pens are free down here, okay?

60
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,610
Just like the laptops.

61
00:02:42,610 --> 00:02:43,840
You can take as many as you like.

62
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,550
They gonna keep bringing more.

63
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,250
That's why I got Mansfield's daughter

64
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:49,820
three of them for her wedding.

65
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,270
How did you even get invited?

66
00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:53,800
Look, if you don't want me to come to the party,

67
00:02:53,810 --> 00:02:56,380
don't put me in charge of the invitations, okay?

68
00:02:57,420 --> 00:02:59,200
Lindsay just texted me.

69
00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,480
Mansfield's island just sank.

70
00:03:01,670 --> 00:03:03,470
Thanks, Obama.

71
00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:10,090
Ah, Ms. Harris.

72
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,680
Do you know any good travel agents?

73
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,030
Uh, let me just get in my time machine

74
00:03:14,030 --> 00:03:17,930
and set it to "When travel agents were a thing."

75
00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:20,330
That's very funny, Ms. Harris.

76
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:22,090
Uh, let me set your rewards

77
00:03:22,090 --> 00:03:25,720
to "You are my new travel agent."

78
00:03:26,730 --> 00:03:28,980
My wife always does our travel planning,

79
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:30,820
but she is stuck in a plane

80
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:34,260
circling over the world's largest bowl of turtle soup.

81
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:36,950
What do you need?

82
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:40,490
400 rooms, world-class entertainment, and food.

83
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:43,350
The perfect place for a last-minute wedding.

84
00:03:43,350 --> 00:03:45,240
Did somebody say Vegas?

85
00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,460
No, Mr. Wen,

86
00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:52,710
but I do appreciate you using my daughter's wedding

87
00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:55,340
as a chance for you to live out your fantasy

88
00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:58,030
of hooking up with a tipsy midwestern divorcee

89
00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:02,050
by the pai gow table who "Never does this kind of thing."

90
00:04:03,650 --> 00:04:05,380
Pai gow. Thank you, sir.

91
00:04:05,380 --> 00:04:07,240
This whole time I've been trolling Keno.

92
00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:13,040
Okay, so, I know it's not your actual birthday,

93
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,850
but I got you a present.

94
00:04:14,850 --> 00:04:15,590
What would you want more

95
00:04:15,590 --> 00:04:16,800
than anything in the whole world?

96
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,260
- Uh...Heather. - Your ex-girlfriend?

97
00:04:20,370 --> 00:04:22,690
I mean, she's cute, but I'm -- I'm not into that.

98
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,130
No, no, no. Look!

99
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:27,600
I'm back, everybody! Ha ha!

100
00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:28,770
There they are!

101
00:04:28,770 --> 00:04:31,050
- Hey, heather. - I thought you were gone forever.

102
00:04:33,010 --> 00:04:35,450
Shouldn't you be running the Hong Kong office?

103
00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:37,020
You know, doing the job I turned down?

104
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:38,920
Oh, that was nine months ago. I'm done.

105
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:39,950
And you know what's funny?

106
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:41,510
If you had taken that job,

107
00:04:41,510 --> 00:04:43,950
you would have gotten a promotion and be back by now.

108
00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:47,530
That is funny. That's so funny.

109
00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:51,560
Oh, it was the best nine months of my life.

110
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,640
I doubled our first-year projections.

111
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,920
And now it sounds like I'm bragging, which I'm not.

112
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:56,930
I'm just trying to be honest

113
00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:59,610
about how hard I crushed it because I crushed it hard!

114
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,550
Yeah, well, uh, Brody's been crushing it

115
00:05:02,550 --> 00:05:04,300
pretty darn hard here, too. Right, hon?

116
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,340
Oh, yeah, yeah. So hard.

117
00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:06,980
I mean, I got my desk back.

118
00:05:06,980 --> 00:05:10,000
And, uh...Uh... Put this in a frame.

119
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,390
Oh. So... Um...

120
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:13,370
Oh! I'm on the partnership track.

121
00:05:13,370 --> 00:05:15,880
I made partner when I took over the Hong Kong office.

122
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,240
Because I crushed it so hard.

123
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,140
Man, this just keeps getting funnier.

124
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:24,790
Of course, work isn't everything.

125
00:05:24,790 --> 00:05:27,280
I mean, look at you two! Engaged.

126
00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:28,140
Well, technically --

127
00:05:28,140 --> 00:05:29,350
- Never. - No.

128
00:05:29,970 --> 00:05:31,330
Living together?

129
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:32,440
Pretty much. I mean, like --

130
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,370
- Like roommates. - Not -- more like roommates.

131
00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:37,650
Oh. Ha ha. Sounds like you've got it all figured out.

132
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:39,960
Well, I got you a little something for your birthday.

133
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,690
And don't get excited. It's really nothing.

134
00:05:43,190 --> 00:05:45,090
A Duxbury phase two pen?

135
00:05:45,090 --> 00:05:46,940
I've always wanted one of these.

136
00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:49,290
Apparently, it makes the old phase one pen

137
00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:51,090
look like a stick of garbage.

138
00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:53,870
I'm gonna go get settled.

139
00:05:53,870 --> 00:05:55,740
It was really great seeing you two.

140
00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,610
Hey, welcome back, Heather.

141
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:05,074
-= www.OpenSubtitles.org =-

142
00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:07,410
Hey, Heather.

143
00:06:07,530 --> 00:06:08,330
Oh, hey, Kyle.

144
00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:09,470
Uh, Threepeat.

145
00:06:10,790 --> 00:06:11,630
The last time you were here,

146
00:06:11,630 --> 00:06:12,730
we got into this dynamic

147
00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:15,030
where you kind of made me my assistant,

148
00:06:15,030 --> 00:06:16,260
and it wasn't great for me.

149
00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:17,930
And now you're sitting at my desk.

150
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:20,360
oh, my god. I am so sorry.

151
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:22,640
- you must hate me. - Nah. It's bygones.

152
00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:24,190
Oh, could you get that?

153
00:06:24,190 --> 00:06:26,280
Sure. Hello?

154
00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:28,010
It's Ms. Chen for you?

155
00:06:28,010 --> 00:06:29,030
Ugh, take a message.

156
00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:31,240
Miss Doyle is unavailable.

157
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,480
Actually, I have her calendar right here.

158
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,960
The 7th is going to be tight. Let's do dinner on the 8th. Great.

159
00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:38,720
You know, my mom's birthday's coming up.

160
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:39,830
Can you get her something nice?

161
00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:42,410
- She loves pink. - I remember.

162
00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:45,610
It's happening again.

163
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,350
So, I have to ask you something,

164
00:06:48,350 --> 00:06:50,570
- And I know it won't be easy to answer. - Yes.

165
00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:52,870
If you had gone to Hong Kong instead of Heather,

166
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,850
you would be a partner right now.

167
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:57,000
But there's no use looking behind

168
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,500
at the terrible choices you've made.

169
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,940
Better to look forward at the consequences

170
00:07:00,940 --> 00:07:02,610
of the terrible choices you've made.

171
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:04,910
Don't give it a second thought.

172
00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:07,880
I have something much more important in mind for you.

173
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,490
I need someone I trust to hang on to some wedding essentials.

174
00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:14,310
There is, of course, the -- the marriage license,

175
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,740
a hard drive with a tear-jerking photo montage

176
00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:19,900
of my daughter growing up --

177
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:23,910
There's a photo in there of her in her first Halloween costume.

178
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:25,950
She was a little sunflower.

179
00:07:27,730 --> 00:07:29,650
I swore I wasn't gonna cry.

180
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,390
And now she's getting married.

181
00:07:31,390 --> 00:07:32,290
Well, you son of a bitch,

182
00:07:32,290 --> 00:07:33,960
you didn't have to bring that up!

183
00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:37,420
And of course, the ring.

184
00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:40,910
I was expecting a little more blinding.

185
00:07:41,340 --> 00:07:45,860
Now, Ms. Harris has booked us into a resort in the Alps.

186
00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:48,060
She's switched all our airline flights.

187
00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:50,490
There's nothing that can stop us now.

188
00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:53,450
Sir, there's been an avalanche at the resort.

189
00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:54,810
I asked about the lodge.

190
00:07:54,810 --> 00:07:56,120
My German isn't great,

191
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,450
but I believe the expression they used

192
00:07:57,450 --> 00:07:59,320
was "Eaten by the mountain."

193
00:08:00,310 --> 00:08:03,160
Damn it. All right, new destination.

194
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,650
N-no more islands, no more mountains.

195
00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:08,520
I need something that's hot, flat, and dry.

196
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:09,910
Vegas!

197
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,220
No.

198
00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:13,490
Okay.

199
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,520
Hey, beardmuffin.

200
00:08:17,260 --> 00:08:20,410
So, change of plans. No more Alps.

201
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:22,230
Apparently, Mansfield is taking us

202
00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:24,630
to a private game reserve in South Africa.

203
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,070
Yeah, of course he is.

204
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:28,690
Rich white people hunting us for sport.

205
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,090
Yeah, that's how my cousin died.

206
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:32,750
- Really? - Well, drug overdose.

207
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:34,420
But that's what he thought was happening.

208
00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,120
Hey, everybody!

209
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,620
This is so silly,

210
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:40,720
but my I.D. badge says "Employee"

211
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,820
when really it should say "Partner," like yours does.

212
00:08:44,870 --> 00:08:46,320
Hey, if you don't want me to have a title,

213
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,580
don't put me in charge of the I.D.s!

214
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:50,720
So, whatcha doing?

215
00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:52,840
I'm looking for a birthday present for Brody.

216
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,390
I had this really amazing idea,

217
00:08:54,390 --> 00:08:56,760
and then a thoughtless person casually ruined it.

218
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,100
Oh, that's a bitch.

219
00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,450
Yeah, I thought so too.

220
00:09:01,380 --> 00:09:02,250
Well, if it helps any,

221
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,940
he really liked that pen I got him.

222
00:09:03,950 --> 00:09:05,560
Oh, that helps less than you'd think.

223
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,410
Oh! You should check out his myspace page.

224
00:09:08,410 --> 00:09:09,280
Back when I knew him,

225
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:11,520
he used to post lists of things he wanted.

226
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,410
Brody still has a myspace page?

227
00:09:13,410 --> 00:09:15,120
Yeah, you can't delete that.

228
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,730
All your youthful mistakes frozen forever.

229
00:09:17,730 --> 00:09:20,020
It's like the tramp stamp of the Internet.

230
00:09:21,050 --> 00:09:24,110
Oh, my god. That's Brody?

231
00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:26,530
Why is he wearing a Russian hat?

232
00:09:26,530 --> 00:09:28,660
That's his hair. Oh!

233
00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:29,910
Oh, here we go.

234
00:09:29,910 --> 00:09:32,270
"30 things I want to do before I'm 30.

235
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,000
"Partner at major financial firm,

236
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,190
Own a beach house..."

237
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,040
"Get married."

238
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,620
Thank you. Saw that.

239
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:42,430
"Get in the ring with a UFC fighter"? Mm-hmm.

240
00:09:42,430 --> 00:09:44,490
"Swim with dolphins." Aww.

241
00:09:44,490 --> 00:09:46,400
Are these still things you really want to do?

242
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,010
Well, I no longer want to date Lindsay Lohan.

243
00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:53,190
Wow. I haven't done a single thing on here.

244
00:09:53,470 --> 00:09:55,400
Well, then this is your birthday present.

245
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,840
A depressing list of abandoned dreams?

246
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:58,730
No, no.

247
00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:00,550
We're gonna do one of these things on this list.

248
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,380
- Anything you want. - Okay.

249
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:05,230
"Make partner, own a beach house, get married..."

250
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,940
Page two. Anything on page two?

251
00:10:06,980 --> 00:10:09,290
Look, I -- my birthday is this weekend.

252
00:10:09,290 --> 00:10:12,110
I don't think we could do any of these things on a game reserve.

253
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:14,700
The game reserve is out.

254
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:17,620
Apparently there was an incident with a lion

255
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:20,190
which spooked the elephants, which angered the gibbons,

256
00:10:20,190 --> 00:10:21,750
who attacked the caterers.

257
00:10:22,450 --> 00:10:25,100
It was like some hellish Dr. Seuss story.

258
00:10:26,090 --> 00:10:28,270
Bottom line is, there is only one place

259
00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:30,030
that this wedding can take place.

260
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,420
Vegas!

261
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:33,990
Damn right, Vegas.

262
00:10:46,590 --> 00:10:47,830
Jenny, we're here.

263
00:10:48,010 --> 00:10:49,160
I don't want to get out.

264
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,530
It's my first time in a limo,

265
00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:52,340
and I got to ride forwards and backwards

266
00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:54,240
And stick my head out the window.

267
00:10:54,580 --> 00:10:56,710
Great, I'm dating a golden retriever.

268
00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:58,200
I love Caesars.

269
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,380
It's like -- it's like coming home.

270
00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:01,800
You've stayed here before, sir?

271
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,330
No. But it reminds me of my house, with...

272
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:06,460
well, with fewer statues.

273
00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,470
So, this is it, huh?

274
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:13,270
The birthplace of the Caesar salad.

275
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,760
How am I sunburned already?

276
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:17,900
I'm wearing SPF 200.

277
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,580
Caesars Palace,

278
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:23,730
the classiest place in Las titty Vegas!

279
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:25,860
You know, I don't think they like it when you call it that.

280
00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:28,390
They didn't seem to mind in Lake titty Tahoe.

281
00:11:31,910 --> 00:11:33,300
That's fine, I got it.

282
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:38,790
Okay, Mr. Mansfield.

283
00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:40,200
I have you in our very best suite.

284
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,240
Yes.

285
00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:42,650
With the very best view.

286
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:43,940
Yes.

287
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:46,160
And the wedding is in our second-largest ballroom.

288
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,250
Y-- no!

289
00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:51,140
I got our keys.

290
00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:54,360
Now let's go upstairs and play emperor and slave girl.

291
00:11:55,380 --> 00:11:57,640
But I get to be the emperor this time, okay?

292
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:03,160
Ms. Harris, someone has already booked the very best ballroom.

293
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:04,770
I need you to help me get it back.

294
00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:05,800
Do I have to?

295
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,090
Yes.

296
00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:09,570
This'll be fast.

297
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,340
Wait, I thought I was gonna get to be a slave girl!

298
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,420
Oh, ding, ding, ding, ding!

299
00:12:20,430 --> 00:12:23,240
Oh, look at all the colors and the noises!

300
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,530
Press your buttons, get your cheese.

301
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,770
You're all a bunch of hamsters on a wheel.

302
00:12:27,770 --> 00:12:29,990
A wheel of losers!

303
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,210
It's impossible to win, people.

304
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,800
Winner!

305
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:37,280
Oh, Derrick, not you.

306
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,360
Damn right me.

307
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,820
I'm up $200. And if I hit a hard eight,

308
00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:44,020
I'm buying lap dances for everybody!

309
00:12:45,110 --> 00:12:46,570
From the strip club by the airport

310
00:12:46,570 --> 00:12:47,760
where the girls wear sweats.

311
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,910
Come on, daddy.

312
00:12:49,820 --> 00:12:51,810
- Seven out! - Damn!

313
00:12:51,810 --> 00:12:53,470
This table was hot until you got here.

314
00:12:53,470 --> 00:12:55,610
Good. I hate greedy people.

315
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:57,290
There should be a way to bet against them.

316
00:12:57,350 --> 00:12:58,590
You can if you bet don't come,

317
00:12:58,590 --> 00:12:59,540
but nobody does that

318
00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:01,580
'cause everybody at the table will hate your ass.

319
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:03,070
All right, well, then I'm in.

320
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:06,100
Dealer, go ahead and put me on the don't come --

321
00:13:07,990 --> 00:13:09,960
How do you say it without giggling?

322
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:11,970
There is three large.

323
00:13:11,970 --> 00:13:14,140
$5 is the minimum bet.

324
00:13:14,180 --> 00:13:16,600
Well, then there is two more large.

325
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,680
New shooter.

326
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:19,990
So, what do I do?

327
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,020
Throw the dice.

328
00:13:21,370 --> 00:13:22,210
Okay.

329
00:13:25,850 --> 00:13:26,640
Now what happens?

330
00:13:26,650 --> 00:13:28,460
Throw the dice on the table.

331
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:29,810
Okay.

332
00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:34,430
Two, craps, two!

333
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,030
Pay the don't come.

334
00:13:36,030 --> 00:13:37,340
Look at that. You won.

335
00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:38,570
Winning's not important.

336
00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:41,290
The important thing is that all these people lose.

337
00:13:41,290 --> 00:13:42,830
Hey, pal, why don't you pipe down?

338
00:13:42,830 --> 00:13:44,100
Give me his money.

339
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,390
12, craps!

340
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,440
Oh, your booing only makes me want to crap more.

341
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,820
Well, that was a total bust.

342
00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:01,060
We didn't get one thing crossed off my list.

343
00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:02,620
Yeah, I know. I thought we were gonna have luck

344
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:03,790
swimming with the dolphins,

345
00:14:03,790 --> 00:14:06,400
but those dolphins just looked too sad.

346
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:09,130
It's almost like they don't love living in the desert.

347
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:12,570
You know what? Why don't we just forget this list?

348
00:14:12,570 --> 00:14:13,870
No. It's your damn birthday,

349
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:15,810
and I'm getting you the perfect damn present, okay?

350
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:19,330
So you just hang tight while I get you...

351
00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:21,390
to join a boy band?

352
00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:22,640
I was young and a tenor.

353
00:14:22,650 --> 00:14:24,530
I thought it was a career path for me.

354
00:14:28,890 --> 00:14:30,460
- I'll figure something out. - Okay.

355
00:14:33,150 --> 00:14:33,930
Heather?

356
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:35,990
- Heather! - Hit me!

357
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:36,790
But...

358
00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:39,430
There's no one here. What's going on?

359
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:41,030
Oh, I must have dozed off.

360
00:14:41,030 --> 00:14:42,560
It started happening in Hong Kong.

361
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,740
The hours were crazy.

362
00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:47,030
Were you just crying?

363
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,310
Did that happen again?

364
00:14:48,310 --> 00:14:50,320
I don't even notice anymore.

365
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:53,590
Oh, my god. I could've been you.

366
00:14:53,590 --> 00:14:55,570
Oh, you couldn't have handled the pressure.

367
00:14:55,570 --> 00:14:56,930
Sorry it took so long.

368
00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:59,300
The hotel did not have rum from barbados.

369
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:01,700
Neither did the one next door. But the rio had it.

370
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,480
Does it come in any other colors?

371
00:15:06,050 --> 00:15:08,760
Yeah. Let me just zip across the interstate and find out.

372
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,370
I understand that you have booked the augustus ballroom

373
00:15:14,370 --> 00:15:15,250
for a bar mitzvah.

374
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:17,140
But you see, I've promised my daughter

375
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:19,150
the very best for her wedding.

376
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:22,010
I don't know what you know about little girls, but...

377
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:27,670
I have a little sister. She's weird.

378
00:15:27,780 --> 00:15:29,110
Little girls are weird.

379
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:31,490
But I assure you, you'll treasure her someday.

380
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:33,350
They grow up so very fast.

381
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,660
I actually have a picture of my daughter

382
00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:37,250
dressed up for Halloween in a

383
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:38,780
little sunflower...

384
00:15:40,470 --> 00:15:42,150
Tomorrow I become a man,

385
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,190
and I want to do it in the augustus ballroom.

386
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,790
Fair enough. Well, I can cut you a very big check.

387
00:15:46,790 --> 00:15:49,230
I don't need money. My dad's an orthodontist.

388
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,470
Oh, good. Good.

389
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,540
Then he can help fix your teeth!

390
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,740
Sir, if I may, I have a nephew his age.

391
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,340
Get it done.

392
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,740
Listen you little shit...

393
00:16:05,930 --> 00:16:08,190
...This is my first real vacation,

394
00:16:08,190 --> 00:16:10,430
and I will not have you ruin it for me.

395
00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:12,560
Now if I'm not locked in a dark room

396
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,990
doing very weird things with my boyfriend very soon,

397
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,320
someone is going to get hurt.

398
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,820
Now, what is this going to take?

399
00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:25,550
It's done.

400
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,260
How much?

401
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:29,890
50 bucks.

402
00:16:30,010 --> 00:16:32,480
Today, I am a man.

403
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:36,270
This damn sure stays in Vegas.

404
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:39,500
I did it!

405
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,710
I did it. I got you something from your list.

406
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,130
Babe, it's totally fine.

407
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:44,930
I saw what making partner did to Heather,

408
00:16:44,930 --> 00:16:47,360
and I realized none of that is important.

409
00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,810
I have you. Nothing else matters.

410
00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:52,010
I got you a fight with a UFC guy!

411
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:53,940
That matters so much!

412
00:16:56,660 --> 00:16:57,650
I met him at the bar.

413
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,140
I gave him 25 bucks and three shots of tequila.

414
00:17:00,150 --> 00:17:01,430
Uh, wait a second.

415
00:17:01,430 --> 00:17:03,470
You got me a drunk UFC fighter 

416
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,050
to fight me in my room?

417
00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:07,270
- Yeah! You guys have fun. - Okay.

418
00:17:09,170 --> 00:17:10,620
So, don't hold back?

419
00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:11,980
Hold back just a little bit.

420
00:17:11,980 --> 00:17:13,870
Okay, uh, little bit more.

421
00:17:18,030 --> 00:17:18,940
Babe?!

422
00:17:19,350 --> 00:17:20,990
Mom!

423
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,120
Seven out!

424
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:37,490
Don't hate the player, hate yourselves.

425
00:17:37,830 --> 00:17:39,810
Hey, look me in the eye when you lose.

426
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,730
Sorry that took so long.

427
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:43,980
Wait, you gamble?

428
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,240
No. I just take all their money.

429
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,950
I've been letting it ride on the don't come.

430
00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:53,300
Oh. Every single time.

431
00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:54,550
All right, I'm done.

432
00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:56,260
Coloring out, 260.

433
00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:59,300
All right. I won $260.

434
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:04,210
Harvard... You won $260,000.

435
00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:08,990
Las titty Vegas!

436
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:17,660
Stay away from us!

437
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,020
To the birthday boy.

438
00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:22,840
Hear, hear.

439
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,030
Thanks, guys.

440
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:25,350
How does it look?

441
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,140
It gives your face character.

442
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:30,980
Just go ahead and stay the hell out of the wedding photos, will you?

443
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:34,510
This was the best birthday gift ever.

444
00:18:34,510 --> 00:18:35,750
Except for last year,

445
00:18:35,750 --> 00:18:37,680
because that was the day I met you.

446
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,070
Awww. Oh, this is our anniversary.

447
00:18:41,350 --> 00:18:43,140
Look, if you forgot, it's no big deal.

448
00:18:43,140 --> 00:18:45,050
I have something very special planned.

449
00:18:45,050 --> 00:18:46,640
I did not forget.

450
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,930
I've got something really special planned, too.

451
00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:50,500
It's, um... It's right upstairs.

452
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,150
So I'm just gonna go special it up.

453
00:18:54,850 --> 00:18:56,720
Hey, Mr. Mansfield.

454
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,370
These are my good friends Galaxy and Millennium.

455
00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:00,210
I want to know,

456
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:03,490
how do I go about turning my plus one into a plus two?

457
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:06,000
I don't recall inviting you at all.

458
00:19:06,050 --> 00:19:07,520
All right, ladies, I tried.

459
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,790
Time to get your asses back on the airport shuttle.

460
00:19:09,790 --> 00:19:10,580
Come on.

461
00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:13,920
Look at that.

462
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,800
The hour has turned disgusting.

463
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,120
I'm going to go ahead and head up to my room.

464
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:20,830
My wife and daughter come tomorrow morning.

465
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:23,340
And I'm gonna go see what Jenny's specialed up.

466
00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,440
You know, I think I really pulled this wedding off.

467
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,930
It's going to be... Perfect.

468
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,170
Yeah, well, if anybody needs me,

469
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:33,860
I'll be trolling the recently divorced talent

470
00:19:33,860 --> 00:19:35,250
at the pai gow tables.

471
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,640
There you are!

472
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:38,450
Why?

473
00:19:39,230 --> 00:19:41,250
You told me that you were gonna wake me up at 11:00,

474
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:43,350
And it is now 11:03!

475
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,330
What kind of assistant are you?

476
00:19:45,330 --> 00:19:47,770
I'm not your assistant, okay?

477
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,610
Why do you have to be so mean?

478
00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:52,190
I used to think that you were this gorgeous, together person,

479
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:54,100
but you're awful.

480
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,210
So this stops now.

481
00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:00,630
This stops soon.

482
00:20:02,590 --> 00:20:03,480
Okay, like five more minutes,

483
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,330
and then we're gonna, like, ramp it down, okay?

484
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:06,540
Come on, Kyle.

485
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:26,420
So dumb.

486
00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:29,130
Condoms, condoms.

487
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,680
Oh my god.

488
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:44,880
He's gonna ask me to marry him.

489
00:20:45,305 --> 00:20:51,702
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