Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com
- Hey! - How are you?
It's a great day for it, huh?
- (Laughing) Yeah. - Yeah.
Are you doing the walk of shame?
You know, shame/fear/ oh, yeah.
Ooh/nice/up high. (Chuckles)
Wait, why are you doing the walk of shame?
I found the ring.
I-I know that Brody's gonna propose to me.
What?! He didn't tell me.
I'm his best friend.
You don't hide secrets like that from your best friend.
Get back in that bed. You have work to do.
(Giggles) Oh! Hi, Jenny.
(Door closes)
You slept with Brody's ex-girlfriend?!
Okay, see, that is a secret you keep from your best friend.
So, what are you gonna tell Brody?
Nothing. I don't want Brody to propose to me,
so I'm just gonna avoid him all weekend.
Yeah. Good plan.
You got a better idea?
No, that is a good plan.
That's what I'm gonna do.
Hey, guys. What's going on?
- Eh, it's a hallway party. - Nothing.
(Laughs)
Whole lot of nothing, right?
I got to go. I have so much work to do.
- Hey, do you? - Excuse me. No, I do.
It can't be that important, right?
- I got to do it. - Okay.
(Laughs)
So...
I know you said you didn't want to, but I have to ask.
I've got to go.
Okay. Fine. I'll go to the gym by myself.
$260,000.
We're millionaires.
Let's celebrate!
Okay!
(Laughing wildly)
Oh, my God! What are you doing?
Are you crazy?!
These macadamia nuts are like $30!
No, they're not, they're free!
Everything in this suite is comped.
They want us to stay in the hotel and keep gambling.
Oh, my God.
That's so diabolical.
Do you want to go gambling?
No! I do not want to gamble.
Anything else.
Man, there has got to be something we can do in Las Vegas with $260,000!
Okay. Let's just be careful.
Las Vegas can be a very dangerous place for me.
I have, in the past, had some serious self-control issues.
Don't you worry.
I can be your rock.
- Vegas! - Vegas!
- Whoo!
- Vegas! - Vegas!
(Both cheering)
Vegas!
- Come on, Charlie. - Winner!
Yes! All right!
Hot shooter coming out.
Oh, Jenny! There you are.
I didn't know you played craps.
Oh, me?
Yeah, I've been rolling these bones my whole life.
Hands off the table.
Sorry.
You don't have any chips.
Not anymore I don't. (Chuckles)
Rrgh! Crap. Hence... The name.
Uh, is that Mansfield over here? Let's go talk to him.
Oh, sure.
Hey, Mr. Mansfield. Do you mind if we join you?
Who's we?
She was... what the hell is going on?
Please, have a seat.
I'm about to meet my daughter's fiancé.
I still can't believe you're first meeting him now.
It was a whirlwind romance.
They met overseas.
He comes from a very good family.
His father has a license to print money.
- Oh, what does he do? - He prints money.
Oh.
Daddy!
Oh, my little pumpernickel. Come here.
Ohh.
Oh, I want you to meet Ned.
Oh, dear God.
He's... Just like I pictured him.
I'm guessing he's behind the centurion, sir.
Mr. Mansfield!
You, uh, you must be Ned.
There... there's five good ones.
How... wow, your handshake is as advertised, sir.
Oh, show him the gift you got him.
Oh, it's... it's nothing.
I know you like scotch, so when I was in Scotland,
I tracked down your ancestral distillery.
Huh. Mansfiddich.
Huh.
Isn't he the best?
Oh, it's just a little something to say thank you
for giving me the greatest gift in the world:
Your daughter.
Really looking forward to finally spending some quality time with you, sir.
Outstanding. Just outstanding.
Great.
What a terrific guy. Congratulations.
I hate him.
Where in the hell are you taking me?
It's not that horrible French circus with no elephants, is it?
No.
I got you something even better.
You know how you're always giving me good advice whether I ask for it or not?
Well, consider this my wedding gift to you.
- Ned. - Oh, now come on!
Sir, this man is going to be your son-in-law in less than 24 hours.
You need to get to know him.
You're right.
The only way to figure out what's wrong with Ned is to break Ned.
That's not at all what I said.
You and I are gonna go for a little stroll out in the desert.
Should I tell Amanda where I'm going?
Let's not worry her. Come on.
Keep your cellphone on, bro.
They always say money can buy happiness,
but what they don't tell you is that it can also buy taste.
You are looking foxy, by the way.
Well, a lot of that credit has to go to the fox.
But I'm so glad we spent the extra 10 grand
to get one that died of natural causes.
Mm.
But, babe, you got to promise me from now on
we are gonna rein in the spending.
I totally hear what you're saying.
I am your rock.
Barkeep, I need enough champagne to fill a hot tub.
Go ahead and put that on the room.
You're not buying all this on Mansfield's dime, are you?
I don't know if you've heard or not, but I'm quite wealthy now.
Perhaps you've noticed my painting.
Where is your painting?
You got me.
I'm not rich because I don't carry a painting.
I feel sorry for you.
Here, have a bag of lobster.
Lindsay and I went to a ritzy seafood place down the strip.
We ordered a dozen lobsters, like you do...
...and I could only finish nine.
All right. Enjoy.
I don't think I'm gonna really want to eat your leftover lobster
that smells (Sniffs) like a buttery dream.
Can I get a tiny fork, please?
(Knocking)
Threepeat!
Come on, it's time for us single guys to get turned up!
Hi, Derrick.
Threepeat is, uh, tied up right now.
Nice try, Heather, but I did go to magic camp, so...
Please stop saying things like that.
I'm trying to stay attracted to you.
(Chuckles)
Dude, that's your best friend's ex-girlfriend.
I know, man, but she's hot. And she's mean.
And that's, like, my favorite combo.
I'm happy for you, okay?
I never knew a guy who needed ass as bad as you.
But you got to tell Brody. You got to break it off.
I'm gonna break it off.
Threepeat, now! Or I start without you.
I'm going to tell Brody.
Thank you for coming down.
I hope you're enjoying your stay.
Oh, I am.
I especially like the golden shower.
I know the fixtures are gold, honey, but I don't think they call it that.
We don't.
Anyway, I just need a credit card
to put on file to cover charges made to your room.
Oh, there's no need.
The room is comped.
Yes, the room is comped, but you've charged a few... incidentals, totaling $50,000.
Oh, that's impossible.
"Hot tub full of truffles, "hot tub full of caviar, hot tub repair."
And you paid two of our centurions to "fight to the death."
Which they did not do, by the way.
That will be going in my yelp review.
And you also ate a jar of macadamia nuts.
(Chuckles) That was her.
So, how would you like to take care of this?
Uh, well, we are just gonna step right over here
and discuss our many, many, many options of how to sort this whole thing out.
(Laughs)
We've got nothing!
This is exactly what I was afraid would happen!
I told you I have no self-control!
Tell me about it.
The way you just ripped into those macadamia nuts.
Hey, Derrick. (Chuckles)
Hey, remember how you owe me that $50,000?
I don't owe you $50,000.
Gah! That was our last shot.
Maybe not.
Remember when I told you I don't gamble?
It's not exactly true.
I used to be a professional gambler.
What are you talking about?
(Sighs) When I was at M.I.T., my friends and I got run out of Atlantic city
for counting cards.
I could probably get us our money back.
But it would mean returning to a very, very dark time in my life.
A time it's taken me years to put behind me.
Hey...
I'm okay with that. Derrick?
Sounds good to me.
I promised myself I was out of the game.
But it looks like I got to do one last job.
Who are you talking to?
(Toilet flushes)
(Shudders) What was I thinking?
I never should have eaten Harvard's used seafood.
Oh!
(Door closes)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, babe, I'm so sorry.
I-I thought I would have a little bit more time before you got here.
Oh...
I love you, honey, but I am ...I am not ready for this.
Babe, we're living together, all right?
This was bound to happen sooner or later.
Oh, God. I can't breathe.
Come on, I feel self-conscious enough as it is.
Okay.
The answer is no.
Okay? I'm sorry, I can't marry you.
What's that now?
The ring. I found the ring in your bag.
The ring for Mansfield's daughter?
What's that now?
Yeah, I'm holding it for him.
You thought I was proposing?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Wait, you said "no." - Oh, my God.
We need to talk about this.
No, no, no! I want to hide!
Babe...
Not in there.
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Hey. Jenny.
Oh, God. Please go away.
I feel awful.
You do not get to feel awful.
I feel awful. 'Cause of the lobster?
No. Well, yeah, a little bit.
Look, I just can't believe
that you said no to marrying me without even a second thought.
It wasn't a no to you.
It was a no to marriage.
To you.
If that helps, which I can't imagine that it does.
Oddly, it does not.
Brody, you know that I'm not the marrying type.
I've told you that.
I know, but it doesn't make sense to me.
I mean, what are you picturing? Some boring life?
2 1/2 kids, a white picket fence, me reading the paper in my slippers?
You do read the paper in your slippers.
Yeah, but you gave me those slippers. You said you liked those slippers.
- I love those slippers. - Too fuzzy for you?
Look, it's not about the slippers. Okay.
When I think of marriage, I think of my mom and all my step-dads.
A few more of them and you could form a jury.
Which is ironic, 'cause most of them are in jail.
Look, I am sorry that your family tree looks like a weird, mangled bush,
but you seriously think that we would be like that?
I mean, we would be fantastic and fun and...
Us.
I can't believe that after all this time you still don't see that.
No, I... I do! I do.
Interesting choice of words.
Wow, just isn't my day, I guess.
Oh!
Hello, stranger.
Did you lose these glasses?
Yes, I did. Thank you.
Oh, look at that. An open seat right next to me.
(Chuckles) Not you!
Ooh, Blackjack. I guess I'll give this a shot.
I'm Derrick, by the way.
I'm Derrick, too.
Seriously?
There can be two of us.
I bet it's spelled differently.
It's spelled the same.
How in the hell is there gonna be two derricks at the same table?
The human brain can only remember so many names.
Blackjack.
Yes! Nice job, Lindsay.
Harvard! Derrick!
What did I do?
Let's find a new table, strangers.
Yeah.
(Chuckles) My real name's Lindsay.
It's spelled differently, of course. (Chuckles)
Hey, Heather.
Uh... mm?
We need to talk. Listen, this has been great.
But we both know it can't continue, right?
So, uh... I'm breaking up with you.
- No, you're not. - What do you mean?
'Cause I don't accept it.
If you want, we can go upstairs and discuss this like adults.
Face to feet.
Yeah, I think that deserves a conversation.
$50,000!
I can't believe the casino lets you do that.
Yeah, they don't love it. (Chuckles)
Give me the money.
You gonna turn it in?
I'm gonna turn it into $2 million.
Wait, what?
We're just getting started.
They don't have me in the system here yet.
By the time they're onto us, we'll be on the midnight bus to Reno.
Then on to monte-Carlo, Macau,
and then we lay low in havana until riverboat season.
Well, it does sound like you know what you're talking about.
Here you go.
You're just gonna give me the money?
After everything I told you about my self-control issues?
You're supposed to be my rock!
Yeah, well, I'm a terrible rock, okay?
At best, I'm a leaf. (Sighs)
I have to get out of here.
Wait, we're missing $10,000.
Okay, this is why I need a rock.
Barkeep! Cup of your best water, please.
Oh, how did it go with Ned? Please tell me it went well.
- He didn't make it. - He died?
No. His weakness is that he's weak.
Any man who can't handle a spontaneous,
12-mile desert stroll has no business in my family.
It was a test, and he failed.
I made it.
Nine waters, please. God, I hope it's real.
I've drank so much sand.
Look at that! Good old Ned.
He passed the test.
Wait, this was a test?
Yes. And you failed.
The real test was you shouldn't let me push you around like that.
Show some backbone.
All right.
You dragged me out into the middle of the desert, and you left me there.
What is the matter with you?!
Aha! That was the real test!
You don't talk to your potential father-in-law like that.
I'm sorry, sir.
Why would you apologize when you're clearly right?
He's been doing this to me for years.
There's no winning here.
He's right. Give up.
Don't. It's a test. That was a test for you.
Will you stop with these tests?!
This man is going to marry your daughter in four hours,
so whatever you feel for him you cannot take into that wedding.
I won't go to the wedding. Thank you.
That's not what I meant at...
I am having the worst day today.
What about me?
Everything's not about you, Ned.
(Scoffs)
Jennifer: Mr. Mansfield?
Mr. Mansfield.
Ooh, fish!
Wait, no. Mr. Mansfield!
How can a hotel room be bigger than my high school?
Yeah, it's, uh... It's cozy.
What, uh...
What can I do for you, there, Ms. Miller?
Well, Brody and I got in this big argument
after I said I didn't want to marry him.
Why don't you want to marry Brody?
- I have my reasons. - Well, they sound stupid.
- You didn't even hear them. - Well, go ahead.
Well, you know, my mom married a lot of losers.
Brody's not a loser. Next.
I don't know. It's just a... a feeling.
I don't know.
Sometimes you know things are real but you can't explain them.
Like electricity.
Everybody knows that's real.
Nobody knows how it works.
Everyone knows how it works.
There are power plants and turbines.
Holy shit, I have no idea how electricity works.
Hey, why aren't you dressed for your daughter's wedding?
I'm not going. I don't like my son-in-law.
- Why not? - I have my reasons.
- They sound stupid. - (Whistles)
Careful.
Sorry, sir. (Sighs)
Well, how about we just agree that,
you know, whatever reasons we have, they're real,
and we don't need to justify them.
That sounds pretty good to me.
You, uh... You ever play golf indoors?
I've never played golf anywhere.
Well, then follow me.
(Breathes deeply)
Hey. You're packing?
- Where are we going? - We're not.
I don't think this relationship is good for me.
How can you say that?
In one day, I squandered $300,000, broke a promise I made to myself
and to the New Jersey state gaming commission,
and got two tickets for indecent exposure.
Well, look, we are gonna fight that, okay?
They can't charge you for each boob independently.
Besides, you're... you're really good for me.
Do you or do you not have a tattoo of me on your arm
that you got put on and burned off three separate times?
It's bleeding through my shirt again, isn't it?
Harvard, you are cute, you are funny, and I could live in your beard.
But I know myself, and the longer I stay in this relationship,
the darker and more desperate I'm gonna become.
That's my type. (Sighs)
Goodbye, Harvard.
Wait.
One last golden shower?
It's not called... okay.
Ugh! Son of a bitch.
You got to keep that shoulder down.
Here, let me show you how it's done.
Get over the ball, transition the weight...
What's going on?
What... you don't talk to a man when he's over the ball,
for God's sake, Mr. Moyer.
Thought I was safe since we're in a hotel room.
I am done with this.
I brought the ring, and you're gonna give it to Ned.
Oh, wait a minute. I'm not going.
And he has his reasons.
Even though he can't explain them
doesn't mean they're not real, like electricity.
Nobody knows how that works.
It's a current created by the movement of charged particles.
Oh. Okay.
I probably should have known that.
Look, you keep saying that Ned is not good enough for your daughter,
but I think you're just scared.
What in the hell do I have to be scared of?
You're scared of losing your daughter.
I'm not scared.
I'm terrified.
I love that little girl so much.
Well, you know what you tell me, sir?
That when you love someone, it's worth doing something that you're scared of.
I would say that, wouldn't I?
You know what you'd also say?
That the only risks you regret in life are the risks you don't take.
I'm kind of on fire here.
You're kind of crushing it.
Oh, hell.
I guess I was a little rough on that Ned.
But he's just not what I ...what I pictured as a son.
Maybe that's okay.
Because maybe I already have a son.
Thank you, sir.
Go ahead and toss me that ring, will you?
There you go.
Oh, and I think I saw your tuxedo about a 10-minute walk that way.
I love this goddamn room.
It's like we're back in Paris, huh?
I'm scared.
I know.
But being with you this last year, it's been the best year of my life, Brody.
I mean, I was terrified to move in with you,
and now it's like I can't imagine living without you.
(Sighs)
We are fun.
We are fantastic. (Chuckles)
We are us.
So... What are you saying?
I guess I'm saying...
Brody Moyer,
will you marry me?
What have I done? What have I done? What have I done?
(Sighs)
Just to be clear, you're taking my last name.
(Giggles)
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