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I want you to sit down so I
can wash this horrible jacket.
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Enough! I don't want to hear
another word out of you guys.
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Sit down.
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Boy, you really did it
this time, didn't you?
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You really did it.
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I just want to thank you boys
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for the most embarrassing
night of my life.
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We are the only
family in 12 years
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to have been kicked out of
Wacky Jack's Pizza Pagoda.
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Takes a lot of work to get
kicked out of a restaurant
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that has a trampoline
and a batting cage.
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But, Dad... No buts. That's it.
14
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It was Wacky Jack's fault.
15
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He was making those
stupid faces at us.
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He's a clown. That's his job.
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We didn't do anything.
(mimics) We didn't do anything.
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Does this look familiar?
Wacky Jack's nose.
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You pulled it
right off his face.
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It's not his real nose. I
don't care whose nose it is.
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Don't pull things
off people's faces.
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Hey. You know what
you guys are gonna do?
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You're gonna take this nose,
you're gonna put it in an envelope,
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you're gonna sign a little apology
note and send it back to Wacky Jack.
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And right now you're
gonna get out of my sight.
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Go up to your rooms.
March. March. (Jill) Hup. Hup.
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(Jill) If I hear any noise
upstairs, I'll be up there.
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And if I have to come up there,
you won't want me up there.
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We weren't even
doing anything. Now.
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We want to watch Full
House and we didn't do it. No.
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I just want you to
know I'm innocent.
32
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Innocent?
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Pouring salad dressing
down your brother's pants?
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Oh. You saw that?
Yeah. I saw that.
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Tim, this is pathetic.
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We've sunk to a new low.
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Pizza.
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Yeah, if you take off
those mushrooms first.
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Those aren't mushrooms,
honey. I'll pass.
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Would you nuke that
for me? Nuke it yourself.
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(makes chimp noises)
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Don't give me that. You
cook for us all the time.
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Me barbecue. Cook
outside with flame.
44
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Microwave inside,
cook with magic.
45
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Flame good, magic bad.
46
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Microwave good, man stupid.
47
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(chimp calls)
48
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Easy, monkey boy.
Fire's our friend.
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Hey.
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(chimp calls)
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Tim, come on.
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You're gonna drip
cheese all over my stove.
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Not to mention burn the hair
right off my knuckles. Man.
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(children arguing)
55
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I'm gonna count to three
56
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and then I'm gonna
be up there! One, two...
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Dad, Brad and Randy
are doing bad things.
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Unless it involves
human sacrifice,
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I don't want to hear about it.
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OK. I'll let you know.
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Little baboons. Where
do they learn this stuff?
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Possibly from the big baboon.
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(inquisitive grunt)
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00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:11,595
Yes, you. You encourage
their bad behavior.
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I don't encourage bad
behavior. Oh, yeah?
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00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,065
Tonight, when Brad
spit his chewing gum
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across into that
plant, you cheered.
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Jill, that was a 10,
12-foot arc, easy.
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Right into a six-inch pot, man.
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Michael Jordan couldn't
have made that shot. Huh?
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00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,146
And I did tell him to stop, too.
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Oh, yeah, after you gave
him a standing ovation.
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I may be wrong, but I think
that's sending a mixed signal.
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Enough said.
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Now, what are we gonna do
about our boys' table manners?
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You should give a refresher
course. Me? What about you?
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Honey, I'm a man. What
do I know about manners?
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I see. So, table manners
are the woman's job.
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Historically, Jill,
yes, that's the case.
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Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt
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and, of course, who
could forget Miss Manners?
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I don't recall an etiquette
column called "Ask Chuck."
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"You know, Chuck, I've been
eating pot roast all my life,
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get that little gristle piece
stuck in the middle of my tooth.
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"Do you suck it out with the
tongue or ask somebody to do it?"
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"Help me out with
that..." Tim. Tim. Listen.
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You are the one that
encouraged their bad behavior,
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therefore you should have to be
the one to teach them good behavior.
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We should do this together.
No, no. You're the transgressor.
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I never wear your clothes.
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All right. I do like that
taffeta gown. I feel...
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You know what I'm
talking about... so pretty.
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What do you want me to do?
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I want this family to
get through a meal
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without the boys
throwing their food
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or gargling their milk
or talking about boogers.
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A meal without boogers. Hm.
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That's it. Never gonna happen.
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I can give you a perfect
meal. Yeah, when?
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When's gonna be
this perfect meal?
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Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night,
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I'll sit the boys down, we'll
have a man-to-manners talk.
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You are going to have
three perfect gentlemen.
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(Randy) Come on! (Brad) Wow!
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That's it. (boys) Look at that!
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What is this?
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What are you...
Where are you going?
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Brad and Randy threw
my mattress out the window.
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That's it. I'm coming up there!
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Honey, honey, honey,
you don't have to...
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So... Al and I have
finished that subfloor.
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And next time we'll
show you how to lay down
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tongue-and-groove
hardwood flooring.
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Al, what size floorboard
do we use on that, Al?
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Tim, they're three inches wide
by one eighth of an inch thick.
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They'll be fastened down by
driving a nail at a 45-degree angle
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through their
longitudinal tongue.
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Ow! That's gotta hurt, huh?
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But we do that to
hide the nail, don't we?
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That's right, Tim.
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I know that sounds
complicated, but it's not.
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And what you'll end up with is an
absolutely beautiful dining-room floor.
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Speaking of dining
rooms, that brings me
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to today's Tool
Tip for Tool Time.
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It's about etiquette.
It's a big word,
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so get out your dictionary.
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See, a dining room need
two things to be complete.
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A floor... (chuckles)
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and manners.
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See, when men are
together by ourselves,
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we don't worry about
manners, do we,
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'cause, hey, we don't need 'em.
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You're at the ball
game, what's better than
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a mustard fight with
your buddies or...
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00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:38,435
spitting beer.
"Hey, buddy!" Hey!
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My personal favorite,
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jamming two big French fries
up that nose, act like a walrus.
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(honks)
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Hey! It's guy stuff.
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00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,745
And women don't appreciate
guy stuff, and that's the truth.
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00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,379
I don't think a woman
really understands
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the diaphragmatic
control it takes
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to do all of the
vowels in one belch.
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A-E-I-O-U-fff...
145
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:08,230
Manners. Use manners.
It shows you're civilized.
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00:08:08,254 --> 00:08:11,468
It tells women you're civilized,
and they'll keep doing things for you.
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00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:12,802
So always remember that.
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00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:17,106
Use the correct fork,
put the napkin in your lap.
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00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,308
And always -
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00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,511
I do mean always -
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00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:25,348
excuse yourself when
you lose a little pressure.
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00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:28,485
Because I want you
to remember, men,
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the first three letters
of "manners" are...
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(grunts)
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00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,758
See you next week! (grunts)
156
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(♪ theme music)
157
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Look, Tim. I found this
broccoli in Randy's dirty clothes.
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Hm.
159
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:52,509
Either he's hiding it or
not digesting properly.
160
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Oh! You are so disgusting.
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What is all this? Teaching
my men some manners.
162
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,820
With wooden blocks. Rehearsal
food, that's what that is.
163
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,087
Well, gee, I hope
they don't like it.
164
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,455
I don't have any
recipes for wood.
165
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:09,948
Sure you do. That meat
loaf that you like so much.
166
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,295
I don't mean to criticize,
167
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:16,232
but is this where you
want to put the napkins?
168
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:19,335
No, I want it in
the proper spot.
169
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,070
There you go.
170
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,995
That was right in
the first place. Hey!
171
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,277
You don't really think
I can do this, do you?
172
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,579
I didn't say that, Tim.
173
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:30,914
Come on. You don't
really think I can do it.
174
00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:32,415
Say the words. Say it, say it.
175
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Sweetheart, I just think
that you cannot teach
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that which you do not know.
177
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Really? Really.
178
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,556
I'll have you know that
179
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:44,027
that which you think I do
not know is that which I know.
180
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:45,528
No, no, no.
181
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:48,431
If I can't whip these boys
into shape... What, what?
182
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:51,568
I will give you anything
you want. Anything?
183
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,992
And I think I know
what you want.
184
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,675
No, no, no, Tim.
185
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,600
That would be the
consolation prize.
186
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,549
I was thinking more
along the line of,
187
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:08,851
uh, season tickets to the opera.
188
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,152
Argh!
189
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:12,221
(Jill laughs)
190
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,724
That's a Greek word, isn't it?
191
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,726
"Death by music."
192
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,361
You said anything. If
that's what you want, fine.
193
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:22,298
But if I want to see a
screaming fat lady with horns,
194
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,555
I'll go to your
mom's house. Yeah!
195
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,240
Now, listen, buddy.
A deal is a deal.
196
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,976
I'm gonna go call the
Michigan Opera Theatre
197
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,311
for ticket information.
198
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,969
(♪ hums "O Mio Babbino Caro")
199
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:42,184
You're wasting your time.
200
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,142
Mark!
201
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,690
Mark! Yeah, Dad?
202
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,180
Mark?
203
00:10:52,653 --> 00:10:54,396
What are you doing
under there, sweetheart?
204
00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:57,088
Smelling the inside
of the trash can.
205
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,003
Why are you doing that?
206
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,404
Brad said he would
give me a quarter if I did.
207
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:05,074
What, is Brad, like,
the garbage fairy now?
208
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:08,011
You go inside and wash up. OK.
209
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:11,447
Randy. Brad!
(distantly) Yeah, Dad?
210
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:14,017
Home now! How
goes it, good neighbor?
211
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,919
Hiya, Wilson. What are
you making over there?
212
00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:19,088
Building a porcupine trap.
213
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:20,790
Really? Mm.
214
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:22,659
I don't think there's a
whole lot of porcupine
215
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,360
in the Detroit area, are there?
216
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:27,418
Aha. But if you build
it, they will come.
217
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,167
What do you want, Dad?
218
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,902
I want you to go sit
down at the table, all right?
219
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,771
Hey, Brad. Can I have a
moment with you, please?
220
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,238
What? Your little brother
221
00:11:36,262 --> 00:11:38,507
was underneath that
garbage can, smelling it.
222
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,277
Where do you get these ideas?
223
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,780
They just come to me.
224
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:47,550
Why don't you go sit down? I'm
gonna teach you boys some manners.
225
00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,618
You owe me a quarter! No way!
226
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,620
Dad! That's enough.
That's enough, you guys.
227
00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,589
Cut it out. Stop running
around. Stop, stop.
228
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,924
Come here. Sit down.
We've got work to do.
229
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,458
Sit, sit, sit. What
are we doing?
230
00:11:56,482 --> 00:12:00,129
We're sitting down is
what we're doing. (groans)
231
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:03,833
Now... I love you boys,
but you are bad news
232
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:07,003
in the table manners department,
so we're gonna have a crash course.
233
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,771
Why? Why?
234
00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,940
Because of what happened in
the restaurant last night. That's why.
235
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,910
I told you, it was that
stupid clown's fault.
236
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,477
You ought to go back
and punch him out, Dad.
237
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,080
Hey.
238
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:22,151
Never hit anybody with
makeup - that's the rule.
239
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:26,055
Bottom line here, we are
gonna have a civilized meal...
240
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,479
and I set this table
nicely. Put those back.
241
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:33,429
A civilized meal means, Brad,
242
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,464
no hitting, pinching, kicking,
243
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,367
all that jazz at the table you
don't think I see. I see it. Don't do it.
244
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:41,337
And, Randy, none of
these gross-out stories.
245
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:44,207
The boogers, the scab stuff.
Scabs that talk to boogers...
246
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,776
Dad, you want
to talk about food?
247
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,178
Hey. Hey. Food.
248
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,847
Perfect. Let's talk food.
249
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,849
OK. Well, today
in the cafeteria,
250
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,984
we made Bobby
Devers laugh so hard,
251
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,108
he shot peas out his nose.
252
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:01,824
No way! It was excellent.
253
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:04,968
Yeah, but did it
have snot on it? Ohh!
254
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,964
We're not gonna
talk snot tonight.
255
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,099
You're gonna come down
the stairs like little princes,
256
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,035
sit down, clean and
washed up, and look around
257
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:16,105
and say, "Good evening, Mother."
258
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,607
Mom's not here. Yeah,
pretend she's here.
259
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:21,477
I'll be Mommy. No, you
won't. Don't be Mommy.
260
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,712
That scares me when
you say stuff like that.
261
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,149
Have a seat here.
262
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:28,251
Don't mind me - just
pretend I'm not here.
263
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:30,987
It'd be a lot easier to pretend
you weren't here if you weren't.
264
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:34,090
I won't say a word.
Do you need any help?
265
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,692
Thanks, honey, but I've
got it all taken care of.
266
00:13:36,716 --> 00:13:38,560
By the way, I did call
Michigan Opera Theatre.
267
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:42,498
There are plenty of
good seats available.
268
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,000
You guys gotta help me
out. Gotta help me out.
269
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,735
Let's take care of this.
If we don't do this right,
270
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,405
I'm gonna spend the
next year at the opera.
271
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:50,995
(both yell)
272
00:13:56,970 --> 00:14:00,016
All right, focus, focus, focus.
273
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,285
Eating is not just a
necessity - it's a job.
274
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,620
And like any job, you
need the proper tools.
275
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,189
These are the
tools of the trade.
276
00:14:06,213 --> 00:14:08,324
Fork, knife, weaker
sister - the spoon.
277
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,392
Help me, help me, help me.
278
00:14:10,416 --> 00:14:12,829
Almost useless, crude
instruments by themselves,
279
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:15,898
but together they form
the mealtime triad of power.
280
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:18,189
(all grunt)
281
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,272
Tim, I hate to
interrupt this gruntfest,
282
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,108
but dinner is less
than two hours away.
283
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,812
Thanks for reminding me,
pookie. Thanks. You're welcome.
284
00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:32,315
Now we gotta hustle up. We
gotta hustle up. Just the ba...
285
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,783
Take the knife out of your
mouth, please. Please?
286
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,785
Just the basics,
quick. All right.
287
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:38,821
Tonight's dinner, do
not eat with your hands.
288
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:41,057
Well, what if we're
having chicken?
289
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,513
Well, for...
290
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,728
Chicken outdoors
- use your hands,
291
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:49,232
chicken indoors
- knife and fork.
292
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,500
What about live chicken?
293
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,302
A live chicken?
294
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,838
Brad, who the hell
do you hang out with?
295
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,940
Mom! What?
296
00:14:57,964 --> 00:14:59,208
Dad's cussing. I'm not cussing.
297
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,476
He said a bad
word. It wasn't bad.
298
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,278
Yeah, he said "hell" and "damn."
299
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:05,203
I did not say
"damn." Now you did.
300
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,822
Control, here. Control.
Control. That's it.
301
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,158
You guys now...
302
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:18,660
(shudders)
303
00:15:18,684 --> 00:15:21,964
We do exactly as
Dad does. Listen up.
304
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,799
Sit up straight.
Sit up straight.
305
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:26,869
Straight. Sit up straight.
306
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,238
Elbows off the table,
Randy. Randy, elbows.
307
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,274
Stop that. Stop that.
308
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,709
Stop that. Stop that!
309
00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:35,744
Stop that. Stop
that. Stop that...
310
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,547
Enough. Enough. Enough.
Stop that, that's enough!
311
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,249
Stop that, that's enough!
Stop that, that's enough!
312
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,551
Don't repeat me! Stop
that, that's enough!
313
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:45,888
Stop that, that's
enough, don't repeat me.
314
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,845
(♪ opera)
315
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,528
Stop that, that's
enough, don't repeat me.
316
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,196
Stop that, that's
enough, don't repeat me.
317
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,620
(bang cutlery in time)
318
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,461
(cat yowls)
319
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:08,377
Wilson? Hiya, Tim.
320
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,012
Sounds like you caught
your first porcupine.
321
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:13,049
No, just Mrs. Foley's
cat. (cat yowls)
322
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,783
Easy, Fluffy.
323
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,320
I'm trying to calm him down a
little bit before I set him loose.
324
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,488
He's not hurt, is he?
No, no, no, no, Tim.
325
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:23,014
This is a humane
trap. (cat hisses)
326
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,797
Course, that's my
opinion, not Fluffy's.
327
00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:32,034
So, how was the powwow with
the boys about the table manners?
328
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,569
Wilson, I don't know.
329
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:36,272
Those kids sit down to
dinner and they go nuts.
330
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:38,074
Tim, Tim, Tim. The
problem with your boys
331
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:41,110
is they don't know how to
channel their mealtime aggression.
332
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,412
Mealtime aggression?
333
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,515
See, Tim... primitive
man was a hunter.
334
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,851
He had an intimate
relationship wit his food.
335
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:52,188
Lot of dating with wildebeest
going on? No, no, no.
336
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,723
I'm talking about
a spiritual intimacy.
337
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:57,126
They were at one
with their meat.
338
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,328
(inquisitive grunt)
339
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,031
The hunter would
stalk and kill his prey,
340
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,100
then pay homage
to the animal spirit.
341
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:07,003
He would give thanks to
the animal for giving its life.
342
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:09,205
But the primitive
man in us is confused.
343
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,140
Today our food
comes to the table.
344
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,941
We don't know how it got there.
345
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,244
Hm. Gives you
something to think about
346
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,712
when you open a can
of Spam, doesn't it?
347
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:19,315
Yes.
348
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:22,851
Thanks, Wilson. I think
Fluffy has calmed down now.
349
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,787
There you go, little
buddy. Freedom.
350
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:26,788
(cat meows)
351
00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:28,391
(dog barks)
352
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,048
(cat yowls)
353
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,687
Well, with freedom
comes responsibility.
354
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:42,471
(all talk at once)
355
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,374
Enough. Enough. Enough, guys.
356
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,809
Your mom wants one quiet
meal and I'm gonna give it to her
357
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:51,680
if I have to duct-tape you
yard apes to those chairs. Quiet.
358
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:54,683
OK, we'll do whatever you
want tonight. Can we go now?
359
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:57,520
No, no. You can't go now, because
I'm gonna tell you something,
360
00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,722
I know the reason why you
guys get nuts at the dinner table.
361
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:06,195
Because you don't have an
intimate relationship with your food.
362
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,464
You don't respect
what you're eating.
363
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:12,000
You're not getting this. Let
me show you what I mean. Hm.
364
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:14,903
This is the chicken we're
having for dinner tonight.
365
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:18,474
Oh, yuck. That looks gross.
366
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:20,976
That's exactly my point.
367
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,812
This bird gave its
life so you could eat.
368
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,914
You should thank the bird.
369
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,339
Dad, have you lost it?
370
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,321
You're just missing it.
371
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:35,091
You don't get it. It's simple.
372
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,892
You guys would lose
your mealtime aggression
373
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,028
if you had to hunt it
and kill it yourselves. Hm.
374
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,530
Tell you what.
375
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:44,833
I'll be the chicken, you
be the mighty hunters.
376
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:48,237
Stalk, hunt me,
kill the chicken.
377
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,206
(clucks)
378
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:52,808
(high voice) What a wonderful
day to be a chicken and alive.
379
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,343
Buk buk buk.
380
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:57,779
Oh, God, it's
hunters. I'd better run.
381
00:18:57,803 --> 00:19:00,015
Flee. Run. Flee.
382
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,084
So they couldn't catch me. Flee.
383
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:03,885
(normal voice) Run.
Stalk, hunt, kill me.
384
00:19:03,909 --> 00:19:05,621
Kill the chicken!
385
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,157
(all) Kill the chicken!
386
00:19:08,181 --> 00:19:10,414
(panicked clucks)
387
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,136
(Tim, high voice)
Kill the chicken.
388
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,271
Kill the chicken.
389
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,773
(normal voice) All right. I
think the chicken's dead.
390
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,041
The chicken's dead.
391
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:29,033
But the spirit of the
chicken's still alive!
392
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,148
Aw.
393
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,416
We gotta eat this thing now.
394
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,986
I am not eating that.
There's grass all over it.
395
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,788
Does that bother you? Yeah.
396
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,090
It's all dirty,
gross, disgusting.
397
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,226
Ho, ho, ho.
398
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:47,530
Haven't we learned something?
399
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:49,765
You know what?
400
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,301
I think what's dirty and
disgusting and gross
401
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,470
is when you guys
come to the table
402
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,639
and tell all your
booger and scab stories.
403
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,407
Fight, kick, yell.
404
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:01,710
I think manners
aren't respect for food,
405
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:05,080
but respect for people
around you, maybe.
406
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,015
You guys understand
any of this stuff?
407
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,517
Yeah. Yeah. Kind of.
408
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,119
Well, why don't you think about
that before tonight's dinner?
409
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:13,289
Now what do we do?
Whatever you want.
410
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:16,747
Kill the chicken again!
411
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:21,963
Randy, honey, do you want
some more mashed potatoes?
412
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,999
No, thank you. How
about you, Brad?
413
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,001
No, thank you. ( ♪
"Madame Butterfly" playing)
414
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:28,304
"No, thank you."
"No, thank you."
415
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,105
That's very polite.
416
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:33,942
Tim, I got to apologize. I
thought you couldn't give me
417
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,412
one quiet meal with
the boys, and you did it.
418
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,147
We can kiss off Madame
Butterfly, can't we?
419
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,483
Not so fast.
420
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:45,454
I mean, you didn't really
teach them manners.
421
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:48,790
You just exhausted them.
422
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,682
Take what you can get.
423
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:57,521
I might just do that.
424
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:01,892
(grunts)
425
00:21:03,028 --> 00:21:05,129
I'll be going upstairs now.
426
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,612
You want company?
427
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:13,048
No. Just you.
428
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,972
(grunts)
429
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,721
Shouldn't we take
the boys to bed?
430
00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:20,522
Nah, leave them.
431
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:23,414
It'll only take a minute anyway.
432
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:31,133
I'm feeling pretty spry, honey.
433
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:33,223
Maybe a minute,
five, a minute, ten.
434
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,756
When laying down
that hardwood floor,
435
00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:55,924
you could use a hammer and
nails, but (snorts) why would you?
436
00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:58,994
That'd take forever. I think
what we need here is...
437
00:21:59,018 --> 00:22:00,929
(audience) More power!
438
00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:03,899
I was thinking right
along those lines myself.
439
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:05,901
And look what Al
brought us out here.
440
00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:08,604
The Binford 3-11 series
B power nail driver.
441
00:22:08,628 --> 00:22:10,372
Thank you, Al.
You're welcome, Tim.
442
00:22:10,396 --> 00:22:12,541
That's etiquette. Always
thank your coworker.
443
00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:16,166
Try to say something nice.
Al, good-looking slacks.
444
00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:20,081
Whoo!
445
00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:23,752
That bad boy's
raw power. (grunts)
446
00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:25,987
The kind of power you
need to attach a phone book
447
00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:28,424
to a cinder-block
wall. Doof, doof, doof.
448
00:22:28,448 --> 00:22:30,626
Tim? You might want
to remind our viewers
449
00:22:30,650 --> 00:22:32,928
that the Binford 3-11
has that new safety lock.
450
00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:34,763
I'm sure it does, Al.
451
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:37,566
Well, it's been completely
redesigned. Doof, doof.
452
00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:39,868
Al, I grew up with these things.
453
00:22:39,892 --> 00:22:42,471
Heck, that is a little different to
what I'm used to seeing, isn't it?
454
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:44,973
Well, all safeties
are basically similar.
455
00:22:44,997 --> 00:22:47,042
Very impossible to shoot it
when you don't want to shoot it.
456
00:22:47,066 --> 00:22:49,778
(gun goes off)
457
00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:51,769
Ow. Hey.
458
00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:58,253
(high-pitched) Tell you what.
459
00:22:58,277 --> 00:23:00,222
We're goin' to a
break right now.
460
00:23:00,246 --> 00:23:03,559
Get me out of this.
Boy, that's gotta hurt.
461
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:06,395
Yeah, Al, it does. Feels
kinda like that. (gun goes off)
462
00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:08,352
(Al) Argh!
462
00:23:09,305 --> 00:24:09,542
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