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(Jill) Tim, wait. The sink is still clogged.
I'll get to it in a minute.
Come on out here. I want you to see this thing.
Well? What do you think?
This is the frame to a '34 Ford Roadster,
the beginning of my dream hot rod.
Dad, this thing's awesome.
What's the big deal? It doesn't even have an engine.
Well, not yet. I gotta build it.
I think I'm gonna... small-block Chevy 350,
stainless steel headers, chrome valves,
pink rods, dual exhaust, glass...
Honey, what do you think?
Well, you finally got your convertible.
Honey...
Dad, am I gonna be able to help you work on this thing? You bet.
No, no, Brad, honey, you have to finish your homework.
Oh, man.
No "oh, mans." Do as she says.
When you finish your homework, then you can help me. All right.
Hey, Randy, you finish your homework? Yeah.
Wanna help? No.
Where did I go wrong with him?
Don't worry about it. He's not yours.
Well? Pretty cool, huh?
Not much pitting.
It's really true and square. Little bit of rust.
I went through every junkyard in Detroit to find this.
I paid practically nothing.
You paid too much.
Honey, wait a minute... You promised me...
This is a dream of mine... I gotta fix this...
Since I was a kid, I wanted a hot rod.
Not a pro street rod, nothing fancy.
Just a driver, man.
When I get done, every bolt, every weld, every detail
is gonna be built by these hands.
I'll be part of it. It'll be part of me.
Honey, I do understand.
Now, I want you to come in and be part of our sink.
I know it seems like a rusted piece of junk.
Tim, it is a rusted piece of junk.
To you, but to me, it looks like this.
(laughs)
You actually see a car in that picture?
It's under Rita. Rita.
She's the pro stock girl.
They just use her to make the car look good.
And a darn fine job she's doing, too.
Boy, isn't she ever?
What I gotta do is get the rust off this first.
Sandblast will be expensive. I'm gonna try that...
What are you doing with those?
I'm gonna unplug the sink.
You can't unplug the sink with needle-nose pliers.
I'm gonna use the pliers to get your screwdriver out of the drain.
Why is my screwdriver in the drain?
I used it to unclog the sink.
What?
You used a screwdriver?
Yeah, well, I tried the plunger and it didn't work,
so... I decided I should stab the guck.
Stab the guck with a Binford nickel-plated screwdriver?
Yeah.
Why don't you just go back to your hot rod
and let me take care of this?
Ugh. Right.
Next thing you know,
you'll be jamming my band saw down there.
I might. What's a band saw?
Never mind. I'll get my tools.
Drain. Sink. Screwdriver. Son of a gun!
Are you guys fighting?
Yes! No.
Honey, it's real noisy down here.
Why don't you just go upstairs and finish your homework up there?
Jill... come over here.
I'm going to teach you some basic plumbing.
No, no, no, Tim.
You are not teaching.
Look, you've got to learn basic plumbing.
What would happen if I died?
And all the plumbers are dead?
Yes.
Tim, every time you try to teach me anything,
you get impatient and you end up yelling.
When was the last time I yelled at you?
When you showed me how to assemble the patio furniture.
You snapped the heads right off the bolts.
You told me to turn the wrench as hard as I could.
Most people would stop turning when the wood starts cracking.
I would have heard the wood cracking if you hadn't been yelling.
I wasn't yelling. You were...
Ar-ar-ar-ar-ar!
Plumbing is a very simple...
It's easy to learn if you just pay attention.
If I pay attention, will you be patient?
You won't ask any stupid questions?
Fine. Fine.
OK, first thing we want to do
is remove the trap.
The curved thingy?
Well, that would be the technical term.
To remove the trap, we have to have the proper tool.
For that we use the trusty monkey wrench.
You notice one side is fixed. It's serrated on both si...
Why do they call it a monkey wrench?
They call it a monkey wrench because even a monkey can use it.
Thank you, Cheetah.
OK, now, put the wrench
on the coupling at the end of the trap.
You mean this thing here?
No, no, no, that connects the elbow
to the drainpipe and the flange.
Flange. Who comes up with all these stupid names?
I'm sorry, honey.
It's the little silvery thingy at the bottom...
You don't have to be sarcastic, you know.
You're using all these technical terms.
This is practically baby talk.
Oh, oh, excuse me. I guess I forgot
that Mark's first three words were "Mommy," "Daddy," and "flange."
Gimme the wrench. I'll do it.
Fine. You do it. OK, fine. I will.
At least I know what I'm doing.
(metal dings) Ow!
(Jill) Is that the coupling or the flange?
That sink's working pretty good, isn't it?
Uh-huh.
Water's running freely. No clogs.
Things got kind of heated between us today, didn't they?
Yeah, they did.
Well, I'd like to clear the air by apologizing.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Apology accepted.
And you?
And me what?
Don't you want to apologize to me? For what?
Yelling at me.
But I didn't yell at you.
You yelled at me.
That's 'cause you dropped a screwdriver down the sink.
I don't think you realize that I worked two hours on this sink.
I worked two hours on this sink before you did.
Worked? You just threw tools down there.
Well, I was trying to fix it.
If you wanted to fix it, you should learn how to do it properly.
Well, why should I learn how to do it
when you already know how to do it properly?
Honey, I thought we shared responsibilities here. We do.
Well, I learned how to do the laundry...
separate the colors, put the fabric softener in.
Wait, wait. Wait a minute.
When was the last time that you did the laundry, Tim?
You know, that's... This isn't the point.
The point is, I learned how to do it.
I don't see you out there changing spark plugs.
Do you want me to go out and change spark plugs?
You don't know how to do it. That's why I don't do it.
Where are you going? Leaving.
I'm not done talking yet.
Well, it's not my fault
that you never learned how to finish a conversation.
Unh!
Now that we've finished the construction of our trestle table,
let's begin the finish and sanding.
Before that, I'm gonna discuss two different kinds of sanders here...
your belt sander, which is very powerful
and perfect for the rough sanding,
and your orbital, or vibrating, sander, which is smaller
and perfect for putting in your pocket, right, Al?
I wouldn't know, Tim.
I am kidding about that. I am kidding.
Never, ever put electrical devices in your pants.
All right, before we get going here,
I'd like to ask you fellas a few questions, if I could.
It is the '90s, and women expect us
to help a little bit around the house, don't they?
Maybe we should. Should we?
Yeah. Yeah.
Come on, we should help around the house, right?
(men) Yeah.
The problem is, women want us to help with their work,
but do they help with our work? No. No.
They expect you to do the laundry, clean the oven, mop the floor, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
You ever see her gap and change a spark plug? No.
Unclogging a drain? (all) No!
Their excuse is, "Well, you know about this stuff and I don't.
I could break a nail."
This is an excuse, women, and you're not the type to have excuses.
You need to be taught, and I don't think you're stupid
just 'cause you don't know anything.
No, I didn't... That didn't come out right.
I don't wanna get any cards and letters over that, right, Al?
That's Tim Taylor, care of Tool Time,
P.O. Box 327...
Al, I think they know the address.
Well, this is gonna be different, 'cause on next week's show,
I've invited a group of women in,
and I'm gonna teach them basic home repair
using a simple language even women can understand.
P.O. Box 32733...
I didn't mean to give the impression that women are simple.
No, that's not what I mean.
It's not a woman's fault that they grew up
spending half their time playing with plastic ovens and dolls
and don't know a thing about tools, right, Al?
All right, we gotta finish sanding that table now.
We've got our belt attached with a rough grip.
We want to plug the thing in now.
'Course, you wanna be sure the trigger switch is not locked in the "on" position.
Any idiot knows that.
All right. Good.
Thanks a lot, Dad. That was fun.
Did a good job. Thanks.
Are you ready for that test today?
I guess so.
What do you mean, you guess so?
It's not fair.
I study twice as hard as Randy does.
He gets A's and I get C's.
Certain things he does better, certain things you do better.
You kick his butt in basketball, don't you? Yeah.
It's the effort you put into things, not just the grade that counts.
So it's OK if I flunk?
No.
I don't want you living here when you're 25.
Dad, you wanna shave together or something? (horn honking)
Dad... I'm kidding.
You're gonna do fine on that test.
(Jill) The school bus is here! So long, Dad.
Good luck on your test, honey.
Bye, Mom. Bye-bye.
(phone ringing)
I'll get that.
Hello. Yeah, it's me.
What do you mean, we don't have any women in the audience today?
Two?
Well, didn't you put up the address on the screen?
Hate mail?
We gotta have women in that audience.
I don't care how you do it. I need a full audience of women.
Thanks, Lisa.
Problem? Huh?
Oh, just a minor setback.
I didn't get the response from the female viewers I thought I would.
Maybe 'cause they're all home
playing with their dolls and plastic ovens.
Well, I'm going down to the studio.
I, for one, am not gonna miss this very special Tool Time.
You don't have 40 friends you can bring with you, do you?
Hey, Wilson.
Wilson?
Wilson, you all right?
Just fine, neighbor. Aah!
I see you've met my scarecrow Oliver.
I always try to flameproof him
before I put him away for winter.
Wilson, I got a little problem. Mm-hmm.
I gotta teach a bunch of women some home-repair tips today on Tool Time.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And these women worry you?
Well, if they're anything like Jill, they do.
We got in this big argument when I tried to teach her some basic plumbing.
Hmm-hmm-hmm.
Just simple stuff, you know... coupling, flange, the trap.
Well, Tim, I think the problem might be your metamessage.
That'd be "message" with "meta" on the front of it. Yessiree Bob.
Two M's, three E's, two A's, two S's, "T"
and a lonely little "G."
You have an awful lot of spare time,
don't you, Wilson?
You see, Tim, when men teach women,
they tend to use complicated technical terms
to make themselves appear superior,
thus saying to the woman, "You are inferior."
That's what I'll do on Tool Time today.
No metamessages. Keep it simple.
Hi, everybody, and welcome to this special edition...
"The Ladies of Tool Time."
Hey, normally we get the show going with a big, hearty grunt
to get those lungs opened up.
Come on, everybody. Ar-ar-ar-ar.
(high-pitched) Ar-ar-ar-ar-ar?
(women) Where's Irma?
I drove all the way from Lansing to see Cooking With Irma.
Settle down. We played a little trick on you.
We took the normal Tool Time audience,
and they're over watching Cooking With Irma,
and we brought you ladies in here for a little treat.
Hey, I don't care about no tools.
I came down here to learn to cook.
(women) Yeah.
I'm confused.
You mean Irma's not gonna show us
how to make crab curry?
No, what's gonna happen...
I'm gonna show you how to repair
three very typical household problems...
(women groan)
Oh, no. A clogged sink, a bad electrical connection,
the running toilet.
Oh, my God.
Hey, you get to keep those hats.
Those hats are yours.
Hey, there's the spirit.
Oh, we need three volunteers right away.
I'll volunteer.
OK.
You had your hand up.
Let's get her down with some applause here.
OK, we need... we need one more volunteer.
You had your hand up, didn't you, ma'am? No, I didn't.
You look like the kind of woman that wants to learn this stuff.
Give her a round of applause. Get her out here. Come on!
Well, we've got our three volunteers.
What do you say we meet our helpers?
Your name?
My name is Greta Post.
OK, Greta, are you married?
No, I'm still looking for Mr. Right.
How do you feel about beards?
Well, I like them.
Ma'am, your name?
Rita.
You look pretty happy. You must be happily married.
Yes, but I'm contemplating a divorce.
Excuse me, ma'am. Your name?
Judith Potter.
Hello, Judith Potter. Are you married?
22 years to the same slug.
22 years.
And what a happy time that must have been.
Let's start with you, Greta.
Step over to the sink here.
It's your typical clog.
Al, could we have a little breathing room in here, please?
(giggles) Excuse me.
Do you want me to get you a magazine or something, Al?
This is your typical sink clog with yucky hair and grease,
and I want to thank the crew of Tool Time
for providing all that hair and grease.
Thanks, guys. (crew grunts)
Um, am I gonna have to touch it?
Well, yeah, to get it out of there,
you're gonna have to yank it out of there.
Would you like me to get you some gloves, Greta?
Oh, could you, Al?
Right away.
Why don't you get that picnic basket
and a bottle of wine
while you're back there, Al?
While we're waiting for Al,
maybe Judith can help me work on this running toilet.
Now, I know it probably sounds complicated, but it's not.
Take the lid off, you follow the rod
till you get to this little puffy ball right on the end here.
Puffy ball? Right on the end.
(laughs)
You mean, the float arm that's attached to the ball top?
I was trying to make it simple. Are you saying I'm simple?
No, I'm trying to use a language we would all understand.
Then you want to take your flat-tip screwdriver,
make your adjustment...
You don't need all that. Proper way to...
You don't need all that. If the toilet is running,
you just grab the rod... (grunts)
and bend it.
Ouch!
Looks like that's not the first rod you've bent.
(laughs)
Whoo-hoo. You got that right.
(laughs)
Hey, we can't wait around
for our husbands to get off the couch
and do something useful, can we?
You're doggone right, I know it can't happen.
Well, looks like Greta's got those gloves.
Let's check on that clog, shall we?
Want to handle that clog?
I can't do this. Oh, sure you can, Greta.
Would you like to sit down and rest? What?
Well, I think I would.
Can I get you a soda?
Hey, uh... uh...
You-You, uh, want me to fix the sink?
No, Judith. You've done a good job.
You bent that rod perfectly, you know?
Give her a big round of applause, everybody!
(cheers and applause)
OK. Well, Rita,
how would you like to help me unclog this sink?
No, I don't think it's a good idea.
My husband always yells at me a lot
when he tries to teach me something.
That's probably because he used metamessages.
That's making things sound more complicated than they are,
using technical jargon to make women feel inferior.
And I'm sure he didn't know that he was doing that,
and I'm sure he's real sorry that he did that.
Well, I wouldn't mind learning
if my husband were as patient
and understanding as you are,
although I must say, um,
he is your biggest fan.
Brad, how'd that test go today?
I tried my best.
Is the grade at least within the first four letters of the alphabet?
Come on, Brad. How did you do?
I was hoping to get a "C," but I didn't.
That's all right. Aww.
I got a C-plus!
All right! Good work.
Effort, buddy. The effort.
Nice going, jerk ball.
Thanks a lot, dink.
Get me a soda, will you?
Dad, are we gonna be able to work on the hot rod?
Yeah, but you gotta go change your clothes, all right?
All right!
So, um, Tim, you were
a pretty good teacher today.
Well, you were my best student.
I was your only student...
but I really did learn something,
so I decided to give you something.
Yeah?
I know how much you like that picture of the hot rod.
The picture in the magazine with Rita in it?
Yeah. Really?
So I had it blown up. What a sport.
Well, looky there, there's a car in that picture. Yeah!
(imitates engine chugging)
(imitates revving)
Pink slips, pal.
9-grand hole shot.
(imitating shifting gears, engine roaring)
(imitates grinding gear) Aw, missed a shift!
(imitates grinding gear) Aw...
(imitates engine roaring)
(chokes) What are you doing?
Ohh!
Just checking out that frame, honey.
You are not.
You're pretending to drive.
Well, maybe I was.
Is there room for two in there?
Wanna go for a spin?
Love to.
All-leather Recaros.
Ooh.
Thank you so much. Watch the paint.
Unlock my door, please.
High-output ignition system.
(imitates engine chugging)
(imitates revving)
Pretty nice, huh? Very nice.
(imitates gears shifting, engine running)
Voom-voom-voom-voom...
(grunts)
Unh?
(grunting)
Hey... Ar-ar-ar-ar-ar!
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