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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:15,318
The important thing to
remember this holiday season
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00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:16,986
is make it a safe one.
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Which brings us to
today's Tool Time tip. Lisa?
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00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:20,990
Now, be careful with this, Tim.
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00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,659
I will. Thank you, Lisa.
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This is a completely
frayed wire,
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00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,996
and you never want
to plug in a frayed wire.
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Al, do you suppose they call it "a
frayed" because it's scared of something?
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I really doubt it, Tim.
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Oh, I do, too, Al.
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Well, Al will now show us
how to safely tape up that wire.
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Be careful. (tool whirs)
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(laughs) Merry Christmas, Al.
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00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,781
You know, there's nothing
more fun in the world
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00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:48,418
than sitting around a beautifully
decorated Christmas tree in your home,
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00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,521
grunting your favorite
Christmas carols.
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That brings one to mind.
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(to tune of "Jingle
Bells") ♪ Ho-ho-ho
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♪ Ho-ho-ho
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♪ Ho-ho-ho...
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00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,700
♪ Ho-ho
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00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,668
♪ Ho-ho-ho, ho-oh-ho-ho
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00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,126
Come on, Al. Hit it!
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00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,808
♪ Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
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00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:12,909
Everybody, come on.
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00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:15,512
(all) ♪ Ho-ho-ho, ho-ho-ho
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♪ Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho ♪
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That's the spirit.
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00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,317
The only problem I have
with the Christmas tree
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00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:22,819
is you spend so much
time decorating the front of it,
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00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,821
you never get to
see the back of it.
33
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,157
So I got this idea from
an old college turntable.
34
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,459
Maybe we could
motorize this thing,
35
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,061
so I used a 10-amp
heavy-duty synchronous motor,
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00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:34,397
triple-reduction gears, and
a four-to-one final drive...
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00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,065
Excuse me, Tim.
38
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,668
Are you sure you connected
the spur gear to the final drive
39
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,837
instead of the
motor output shaft?
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00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,473
Al, I'm insulted.
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00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,808
You know who you're talking to?
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00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:49,268
Yes, I do, Tim.
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00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:53,983
There's more than
one way to do it, Al.
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00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,319
Lisa, plug it in for
me. Sure thing, Tim.
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00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,977
Well, it's just
that... Al, please.
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00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,726
Well, son of a gun.
47
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,962
When you know what
you're doing, folks,
48
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,886
anything is possible.
49
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,703
Aah!
50
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:16,094
Incoming!
51
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,748
Mom, can I have
another piece of paper?
52
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:29,252
Honey, that Christmas
list looks a little long.
53
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:30,953
Let me see that.
54
00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,289
You know, I don't
think that Santa
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00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:36,292
is gonna be able to bring
you everything on this list,
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00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:39,362
'cause that would make
his sleigh too heavy.
57
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:43,466
Uh, I'll cross off
the heaviest thing.
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00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:44,934
OK.
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00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,704
Cocker spaniel.
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00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,673
Bye, Floppy.
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00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:53,075
You know, I think that
you should pick out
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00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:55,077
the thing that you really want,
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00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:57,079
and put a star next to that.
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00:03:57,103 --> 00:04:00,516
OK. The
remote-controlled dinosaur.
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00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:01,839
All right.
66
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,555
Tim, there's, like, 12
boxes of decorations.
67
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,557
How many are you gonna bring up?
68
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,559
One more out of the basement.
69
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,960
And that's it?
70
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,630
One more out of the basement
and a couple out of my car.
71
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,131
How many is a couple?
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00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,332
Ten.
73
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,800
(timer dings)
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00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,802
I know why you're doing this.
75
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:21,070
I have the Christmas spirit.
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00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,072
You just can't stand
that Doc Johnson
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00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,475
always wins that Christmas
decoration contest.
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00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,244
You always think I'm
competing with Doc Johnson.
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00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,080
Oh, it doesn't bother
you that he's added
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00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:34,484
those extra three giant
candles on his roof?
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00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:37,820
There's four of 'em and
there's a little dancing elf,
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00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:40,222
but that doesn't bother me.
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00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:44,327
Well, just don't set fire to
the roof like you did last year.
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00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:47,597
I didn't set fire. It
was an electrical short.
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00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,100
Well, I just don't want to have to
drive you to the emergency room again.
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Wait. Wait a minute.
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Except for last year,
when was the last time
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00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:58,341
you drove me to the
emergency room?
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00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,476
The '80s.
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00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,478
Oh, you mess up one decade,
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00:05:02,502 --> 00:05:04,647
and you'll never
let me forget it.
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00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,048
(laughs)
93
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:08,050
Yeah, well, why don't you
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00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,420
just try taking a year off
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00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:13,323
and not compete
with Dr. Johnson?
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00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:16,693
Some thanks I get for trying to
spread a little Christmas cheer.
97
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,695
You're spreading
around something,
98
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:20,763
but it ain't Christmas cheer.
99
00:05:20,787 --> 00:05:22,765
Hi, guys. Hey! Hey!
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00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:25,267
How did the tryouts for
the Christmas pageant go?
101
00:05:25,291 --> 00:05:27,903
Terrible. I'm a shepherd again.
102
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,905
Oh, well, honey, the shepherd is
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a very important part
of the Christmas story.
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00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:33,843
I don't have any lines.
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00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,601
That's because you
blew it, you stooge.
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00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,883
He was trying out for
one of the wise men,
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00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:45,254
and he said they were
carrying gold and Frankenstein.
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00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,257
So? You only play
the stupid innkeeper.
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00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,659
"Stupid innkeeper."
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How many lines does
the stupid innkeeper have?
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One lousy line.
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(all) There's no
room at the inn!
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Got an idea.
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Right after you say your line,
"There's no room at the inn," add this.
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00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:05,040
"You should have called
our 1-800 reservation hot line."
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Ignore your father. You're
gonna be a wonderful innkeeper.
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Well, I wanted to play Joseph,
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but they said there were
too many lines for me.
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Too many lines? You
have a wonderful memory.
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00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:18,788
Who got the part?
George Lonigan.
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00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,923
George Lonigan?
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00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:24,460
He could remember the words
to "Happy Birthday" at your party.
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I know, but what can I say?
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His dad built the set.
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00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,966
Well... That is just favoritism.
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Tim, you should
have built the set.
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Boy, is that the voice of
the Christmas spirit I hear?
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00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,445
He forgot the words to
"Happy Birthday," Tim.
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00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:44,947
Is that the Joseph you
want? What's he gonna say?
130
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,104
"Meet my wife, the
virgin... duh, Sheila."
131
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,987
Mom, we don't care if
we're in that pageant.
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Yes, you do.
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00:06:53,379 --> 00:06:55,391
This family has
the Christmas spirit.
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00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,393
When I'm finished
sewing your costumes,
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00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,763
you're gonna be the best-dressed
Hebrews in Bethlehem.
136
00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:02,432
Mark, what are you doing?
137
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,034
Making out my
list for Santa Claus.
138
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,670
(sighs) Are you kidding?
139
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,307
Mom and Dad aren't
gonna buy you all this stuff.
140
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:14,777
Why should they?
Santa will make it.
141
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:19,515
Mark, are you gonna
be a dork your whole life?
142
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,884
I hope not.
143
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:25,421
Randy, he's making
a list for Santa Claus.
144
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,424
Mark, you're too old to
believe in Santa Claus.
145
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,726
Kids are gonna start
to make fun of you.
146
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,929
What are you talking about?
147
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:37,667
I hate to break it to you,
but there is no Santa Claus.
148
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,101
You're lying.
149
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,971
Who drinks the milk and
eats the chocolate chip cookies
150
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,806
that I leave out for him?
151
00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:47,977
Oh, Dad. He loves
chocolate chip cookies.
152
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,568
You guys are poopheads.
153
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:55,518
Well... OK, fine.
154
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,520
Here's the truth.
155
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,089
There used to be a Santa Claus,
156
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,992
but he died six years ago.
157
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:06,751
Yep, you just missed out.
158
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,233
Santa Claus isn't dead.
159
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:12,835
Yes, he is.
160
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:16,271
He had a terrible accident
with one of his reindeer.
161
00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:18,229
Blitzen fell on him.
162
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,378
He's really dead.
163
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:24,146
Kicked the bucket.
164
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,481
Bought the dirt farm.
165
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,483
6 feet under. Pushin'
up the daisies.
166
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:28,985
Deader than a doornail.
167
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,486
Stiff as a board.
168
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,990
Cold as ice. Met his maker.
169
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,304
Randy, turn off the
TV and come here.
170
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:52,307
I have some great
stuff for your costume.
171
00:08:52,331 --> 00:08:54,443
(turns off TV) What now?
172
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,413
Well, come here and see.
173
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:00,716
This is your cape.
174
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:03,118
Just put this around you.
175
00:09:03,142 --> 00:09:06,121
Mom, this is gold.
I'm just an innkeeper.
176
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:10,526
Hey, you are a very
successful innkeeper.
177
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,895
Now, this is just great.
178
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,897
You're gonna really look good
179
00:09:14,921 --> 00:09:17,361
with the hat that I got you.
180
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,027
Ha-ha! Perfect.
181
00:09:25,364 --> 00:09:30,446
Hi, Jill. Hello, Ali Baba.
182
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:31,914
Dad...
183
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:33,482
He's an innkeeper. Yeah.
184
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,985
Well, what inn are Mary and
Joseph staying at this year...
185
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,921
Caesar's Palace?
186
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:40,690
You can go now.
187
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,725
You look terrific.
188
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,895
Now, let me hear
you say your line.
189
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,730
There's no room at the inn.
190
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,833
Honey, I think you need to
say it with a little more feeling.
191
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:54,269
There's no room at the inn!
192
00:09:54,293 --> 00:09:56,327
(sobs)
193
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:01,143
Hi, Wilson. Do you have
that old diesel generator?
194
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:03,245
I want to light up this
revolving Santa on my roof.
195
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,581
I'm sorry, Tim. I loaned
that to the good doctor.
196
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,150
What? Well, he
did ask for it first.
197
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:11,353
I could give you some
tinsel and a 9-volt battery.
198
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,022
That's pretty funny, Wilson.
199
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,057
Tim, I sense some competition
200
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,693
between you and the good doctor.
201
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:20,429
No, I'm just
decorating my house.
202
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,732
I notice you don't decorate
your house at Christmastime.
203
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,800
Well, actually, Tim,
I decorate within.
204
00:10:24,824 --> 00:10:27,637
I have a tree in my
heart, a wreath in my mind
205
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,639
and a star in my soul.
206
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:33,676
And you plug it
in your bellybutton.
207
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:34,777
Dad, Dad!
208
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,179
Dr. Johnson just put
up two huge spotlights.
209
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:38,681
What? Joyeux Noel, Tim.
210
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,349
And to you, too, Wilson.
211
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,685
I didn't even see
any of that stuff.
212
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,487
I just looked over there.
Where'd you see th...
213
00:10:45,511 --> 00:10:47,256
Those aren't spotlights.
214
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:51,493
Those are 7,000-watt
Xenon Super Troupers.
215
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,428
That guy is sick.
216
00:10:53,452 --> 00:10:55,965
It's you and me, Santa,
against the doctor.
217
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,588
Come on, buddy.
218
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,177
This is cool, Dad.
219
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,179
Thanks.
220
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:13,182
All right, we're about
ready to watch the trial run
221
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,685
of Santa taking his
journey from the sled
222
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,352
over to the chimney.
223
00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:19,889
I put him on a
modified turntable.
224
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:23,425
And remember, always
attach the spur gear
225
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:25,516
to the final drive.
226
00:11:29,488 --> 00:11:31,834
That's awesome, Dad.
227
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:35,838
I'm gonna get my
tools and come in.
228
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,140
Boy, it is awful
slippery up here.
229
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:39,141
Ohh!
230
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:41,099
(groaning)
231
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,155
Dad, the hammer's
frozen to your tongue.
232
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:54,545
I know it is!
233
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,500
(groans)
234
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:08,403
Thank you for
coming so fast, Bob.
235
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:10,606
No problem, Mrs.
Taylor. That's our job.
236
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,507
Does that feel better
now, Mr. Taylor?
237
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:15,745
(garbled) Oh, it's
much, much better.
238
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:19,248
You know, Mr. Taylor, kinda
surprised me when I saw that hammer
239
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,984
hanging out of your mouth there.
240
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:24,142
I didn't mean to laugh.
241
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:29,158
(garbled) That's all right.
242
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,493
You know what? We
watch your show all the time.
243
00:12:31,517 --> 00:12:33,062
I think it's really great.
244
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,263
Thanks very much.
245
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,632
Why didn't you have
Al here to help you?
246
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:39,635
Yeah. I mean, he's
really good on the show.
247
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:41,070
I love that guy.
248
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,338
We all love that guy.
249
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,040
Well, we're out of here.
250
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,042
Guess we'll probably, um...
251
00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:50,479
(chuckles) see
you next Christmas.
252
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:51,847
Merry Christmas.
253
00:12:51,871 --> 00:12:53,849
Merry Christmas
to you. Thanks a lot.
254
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:55,517
Here, have some
Christmas cookies.
255
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:57,186
Oh, well, thank
you, Mrs. Taylor.
256
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,187
Merry Christmas. So long.
257
00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,521
Merry Christmas. Bye-bye.
258
00:12:59,545 --> 00:13:01,123
We better get that
crowd dispersed.
259
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:03,725
All right, folks. Break
it up. Show's over.
260
00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:06,284
We saved his tongue.
261
00:13:09,088 --> 00:13:12,467
Promise me you will stop this
262
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:14,770
before you hurt yourself again.
263
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,205
I'm through.
264
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,207
They're judging the
competition in two hours.
265
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,308
What more can I do?
266
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,410
You're through competing
with Doc Johnson?
267
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:24,135
I'm through. All right.
268
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:44,399
(deep voice) Hello,
Detroit Edison? Yeah.
269
00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:48,403
This is Dr. Johnson here
at 562 Glenview Road.
270
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:50,906
Yeah. My wife and I
are heading out to dinner.
271
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,931
Could you shut the power
off in exactly two hours?
272
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,780
What?
273
00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:01,324
(normal voice) Oh, hi, Eddie.
274
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,015
I tried this last year, huh?
275
00:14:07,646 --> 00:14:10,092
Didn't work then,
either, did it?
276
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:13,628
Yes, the firemen got me down.
277
00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:17,099
Oh, my tongue's fine,
Ed. Thanks for asking.
278
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:19,801
And a Merry Christmas
to you. See ya.
279
00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:21,803
Oh! Hi, honey.
280
00:14:21,827 --> 00:14:24,173
You were gonna
turn the power off
281
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:28,432
in the house of a 76-year-old
retired proctologist?
282
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,514
If I could have gotten
away with it, yes.
283
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,116
You're pathetic.
284
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,450
I'm pathetic? Yes.
285
00:14:35,474 --> 00:14:37,686
How about the church
pageant with you?
286
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,223
Hey, I'm just trying to
build up their self-esteem.
287
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:45,116
Makin' 'em go out dressed
like the Gabor sisters?
288
00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,830
Mom, Dad, Brad and Randy
289
00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:52,868
said Santa died six years ago.
290
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,204
They told you that he was dead?
291
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,206
Well, that was a little extreme.
292
00:14:57,230 --> 00:15:00,309
Son, I think he's old,
but he's-he's not dead.
293
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:02,066
So Santa's alive?
294
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,182
Yeah. You sat on
his lap at the mall.
295
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:10,652
But there are a lot of malls.
How can he be in every one?
296
00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:13,544
He's real fast for a fat guy.
297
00:15:14,713 --> 00:15:16,191
Actually, honey,
298
00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:18,928
I think that those
guys at the mall
299
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,096
are Santa's helpers, you know,
300
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,765
the way that Al is
Daddy's helper? Right.
301
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:26,790
So they do all the work. Yeah.
302
00:15:31,697 --> 00:15:34,776
They assist Santa
303
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:39,315
like Al assists me.
304
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,717
Oh, that makes sense. See?
305
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:45,854
Santa's got to be alive, 'cause
you and Dad wouldn't lie to me.
306
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:48,446
Thanks.
307
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:54,696
We just lied to him.
308
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,099
He's our last baby.
309
00:15:57,123 --> 00:16:00,069
I wanted him to have one
more magical Christmas.
310
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:03,094
I hope we are
doing the right thing.
311
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:07,843
Feliz Navidad, Señor Tim.
312
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:10,645
Feliz Año Nuevo
to you, Mr. Wilson.
313
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:12,281
(chuckles)
314
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,016
Beautiful night tonight.
315
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,352
Feels like more
snow. Boy, I hope not.
316
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:19,021
I gotta finish putting those
decorations up on the roof.
317
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:22,024
Oh, I figured Jill might have put
the kibosh on those decorations
318
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:24,460
after that little mishap
with your tongue.
319
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,963
Hey, it's my house,
my roof, my decorations.
320
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,299
I do what I want
around here, Wilson.
321
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,323
What time did Jill leave,
Tim? About ten minutes ago.
322
00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:38,107
Can I ask you something?
323
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,342
Jingle my bell, neighbor.
324
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:44,346
Mark is starting to ask us
questions about Santa Claus.
325
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:45,780
Mm-hmm.
326
00:16:45,804 --> 00:16:49,451
Well, should we tell
him that he doesn't exist?
327
00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:52,421
Well, who says he
doesn't exist, Tim?
328
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,424
I believe it was Hamlet
who put it best when he said,
329
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:58,227
"There are more things in
heaven and earth, good neighbor,
330
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,562
than are dreamt of
in your philosophy."
331
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:03,365
But Brad and Randy
already said he was dead.
332
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:04,933
Technically, that's true.
333
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:07,236
He died in the year 342.
334
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,838
Well, then who's at the mall?
335
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,475
No, Tim, I'm talking about
the original Santa Claus.
336
00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:16,111
Saint Nicholas, the Bishop
of Myra in Asia Minor.
337
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,947
He used to go around to
the houses of the poor people
338
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,949
on his donkey with bags of gold
339
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,951
and drop them down the chimney.
340
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:25,921
Why would he drop
donkeys down the chimney?
341
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:28,390
I'm talking about
the bags of gold, Tim.
342
00:17:28,414 --> 00:17:30,966
Well, hopefully he can
put a remote-controlled
343
00:17:30,990 --> 00:17:32,894
dinosaur down my
chimney for Mark,
344
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:35,431
because the stores
are sold out of them.
345
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:39,634
Well, maybe Santa
Claus might bring it to you.
346
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,903
I thought you said
Santa was dead.
347
00:17:41,927 --> 00:17:44,506
Ah, but, Tim, the
spirit of Santa lives on.
348
00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:47,342
It lives in all of us.
349
00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:49,611
Well, I must get
back to my chestnuts
350
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:52,047
roasting on an open fire.
351
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,749
(chuckles) Now, that
reminds me of a song.
352
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:56,585
♪ On the first day of Christmas
353
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:57,919
♪ My true love sent to me
354
00:17:57,943 --> 00:18:00,222
♪ A partridge in a pear tree
355
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,157
♪ On the second
day of Christmas... ♪
356
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:04,326
(Brad) You blew
it! (Randy) I did not!
357
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:07,362
You did, too... OK,
guys, enough. Enough.
358
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,498
I think I got a
little carried away,
359
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,500
making the costume
and coaching him.
360
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,402
What happened, honey?
361
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,737
Oh, well, Randy's no
longer playing the innkeeper,
362
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,306
'cause he added some lines.
363
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,975
Yeah, he doubled
the price of the room
364
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,211
and asked the wise men for ID.
365
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:24,168
(Randy turns TV on)
366
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:29,884
They made me a sheep!
367
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:33,722
No TV. That's part of your punishment
for your little trick about Santa Claus.
368
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,690
(turns TV off) Oh, man!
369
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,959
Well, who wants hot chocolate?
370
00:18:37,983 --> 00:18:39,595
(Randy) Me. (Brad) Me.
371
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,896
Mom, Dad, I have a question.
372
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,332
Yes, sweetie?
373
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:46,168
How does Santa get gifts
for everyone in the world
374
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,669
in one bag?
375
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,260
Jill?
376
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:54,443
Well, honey, he folds them.
377
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,378
Folds them? (Tim)
Yeah, he folds 'em,
378
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,880
then he has Mrs.
Claus sit on the bag
379
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:01,183
so he can tie it shut.
380
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,684
That doesn't sound right.
381
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:05,654
How do you fold goldfish?
How do you fold a pony?
382
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,611
If it's a quarter
horse... Tim...
383
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,529
Honey, I think that we need
to talk to you about Santa.
384
00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:16,865
Is he dead again?
385
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,734
Mark, as you grow up,
386
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:22,737
you learn a whole bunch
of things along the way, OK?
387
00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:26,941
The Easter Bunny, Santa
Claus... (knock on door)
388
00:19:26,965 --> 00:19:28,443
I'll get it.
389
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:30,845
You see, it's the
spirit of Santa Claus
390
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:32,914
that really matters...
391
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,617
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. Merry Christmas.
392
00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,619
Wilson, what are you doing here?
393
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,376
The name is Santa.
394
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,194
Hello there, Mark.
395
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,629
Are you the real Santa?
396
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:49,831
The one and only.
397
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,389
Mom, that's Wilson. Shh!
398
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:57,172
Santa, would you like
some hot chocolate?
399
00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,375
No, no, no, no. Mrs.
Claus told me to cut back.
400
00:20:00,399 --> 00:20:01,677
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
401
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:04,680
Well, it still looks like
you're packing it in there.
402
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,516
Maybe swallowed a few too
many yams there at Thanksgiving.
403
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,251
This is so bogus.
404
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,253
Well, even though it's
not quite Christmas yet,
405
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:13,255
I thought my little buddy Mark
406
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:16,191
needed an extra helping
of Christmas spirit.
407
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,659
Should I go get my list?
408
00:20:17,683 --> 00:20:20,128
No, there's no need to, Mark.
409
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:22,931
In your heart...
410
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,267
what I think you really want
411
00:20:25,291 --> 00:20:30,939
is a remote-controlled dinosaur.
412
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:34,698
Great! It's not even folded.
413
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:38,714
Thank you, Santa.
414
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,549
Ho-ho-ho-ho, yes.
415
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,317
And, Mark, don't forget this.
416
00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:43,485
What's this?
417
00:20:43,509 --> 00:20:45,153
Well, unlike the toy companies,
418
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:46,988
with Santa, batteries
are included.
419
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:48,156
Ho-ho-ho.
420
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,492
Anything for us, Santa?
421
00:20:50,516 --> 00:20:53,729
Well, even though you
boys no longer believe in me,
422
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,964
Santa brought you a gift anyway.
423
00:20:55,988 --> 00:20:57,198
(whispers) Yeah.
424
00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:59,490
Brad, I got you a rubber band.
425
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,831
And, Randy, here's a button.
426
00:21:11,069 --> 00:21:13,148
Well, Santa,
what'd you bring us?
427
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:16,151
Well, with the hustle and
bustle of Christmas sometimes,
428
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:19,288
we get involved in
decorating and pageants,
429
00:21:19,312 --> 00:21:20,822
and we often forget
430
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,824
that the true
meaning of Christmas
431
00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:25,594
is about coming
together. And sharing.
432
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:28,863
And that's why I brought
you this little reminder.
433
00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:30,999
Mistletoe. That's right, Jill.
434
00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:33,835
Let's see if it works.
435
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,759
Thank you, Santa.
436
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:45,714
Don't look at me, man.
437
00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,081
Merry Christmas!
438
00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:49,518
Thank you, Santa. Bye, Santa.
439
00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:52,487
Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night!
440
00:21:52,511 --> 00:21:53,955
(all) Bye, Santa!
441
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,379
(both) Thank you!
442
00:21:57,950 --> 00:22:00,595
I'll tell you, Jill.
443
00:22:00,619 --> 00:22:04,633
Sometimes that Wilson
is one fine neighbor, huh?
444
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,368
You mean, that Wilson?
445
00:22:06,392 --> 00:22:07,803
Hi-ho, neighbor!
446
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,304
(sleigh bells jingling)
447
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,561
Huh?
448
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:28,990
The decorations are
ready. Come on out. Look.
449
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:31,059
Don't slip. Watch out.
450
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:33,928
Come on. Hurry up.
451
00:22:33,952 --> 00:22:36,565
Come on. Everybody in position?
452
00:22:36,589 --> 00:22:37,766
All right, sit there.
453
00:22:37,790 --> 00:22:41,970
Honey, the Tim Taylor
power Christmas.
454
00:22:41,994 --> 00:22:43,694
Voila.
455
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,242
(♪ "Deck the Halls")
456
00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:50,311
Wow! Cool!
457
00:22:50,335 --> 00:22:53,314
(boys) Wow!
458
00:22:53,338 --> 00:22:55,750
Whoa! (Tim) Hey!
459
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,686
(Mark) Whoa. (music dies)
460
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,043
Uh-oh.
461
00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:06,027
(Tim, to tune of "Jingle
Bells") ♪ Ho-ho-ho
462
00:23:06,051 --> 00:23:08,229
♪ Ho-ho-ho
463
00:23:08,253 --> 00:23:11,900
♪ Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
464
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,369
♪ Ho-ho-ho, ho-oh-ho-ho
465
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:16,237
♪ Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
466
00:23:16,261 --> 00:23:17,406
Everybody, come on.
467
00:23:17,430 --> 00:23:18,807
(audience) ♪ Ho-ho-ho
468
00:23:18,831 --> 00:23:20,409
♪ Ho-ho-ho
469
00:23:20,433 --> 00:23:23,278
♪ Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho
470
00:23:23,302 --> 00:23:25,414
♪ Ho-ho-ho, ho-oh-ho-ho
471
00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:27,749
♪ Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! ♪
472
00:23:27,773 --> 00:23:30,474
(Tim) Oh, that's the spirit!
472
00:23:31,305 --> 00:24:31,260
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