1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 2 00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,951 Good night, everybody. See you next time. 3 00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,421 Nice going, Al. It wasn't my fault. 4 00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:19,511 Yes, it was. No, it wasn't. 5 00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,161 Thanks for wrecking another show, Al. 6 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:26,963 Well, you're the one that stuck your foot in the joint compound, Tim. 7 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,565 That you left right behind me on purpose. 8 00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:29,933 I did not. Did, too. 9 00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,568 Not. Too! 10 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,525 Could you help me out of the bucket, please? 11 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,108 OK, here. Brace yourself. Al, Al, Al! 12 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:41,644 Tim! Tim, Mr. Binford's looking for you. 13 00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:44,081 Oh, great! Great! 14 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,749 The sponsor shows up, and I'm stuck in a bucket. 15 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,419 Al, thanks for the book. 16 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,288 It means a lot to me. 17 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:54,091 Oh, Al. (stomps foot) 18 00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:57,127 What was that all about? Nothing, Tim. 19 00:01:57,151 --> 00:02:00,763 It's just, she and I are both big Bob Vila fans. 20 00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:03,233 You know, he's in town signing his new book. 21 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:08,205 Isn't that wonderful? Just get my shoe out of the bucket, please. 22 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,872 Well, I can't believe it. 23 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:14,711 I actually got to talk to the pioneer in home repair. The pioneer? 24 00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:18,381 Without Bob Vila, there would be no Tool Time. He paved the way. 25 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:24,488 Listen, Al. Any paving done on Tool Time was done by me, the big asphalt. 26 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,889 Taylor! Oh, Taylor! 27 00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:29,892 (Al) Back here, Mr. Binford. Hi, Borland. 28 00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:31,850 (laughs) 29 00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:38,468 Boy, have I got a surprise for you. Well, great, boss. 30 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,504 Guess who's gonna be on the show tomorrow afternoon. 31 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,261 Ahh... Bob Vila. 32 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,976 Really? Hell of an idea, isn't it? 33 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,180 Great. He's the pioneer of home repair. 34 00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,649 Darn right. We'll sell some tools, too. 35 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,174 Oops. I see a vision. 36 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:59,456 A competition. A competition? 37 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:05,295 Friendly but fierce, between our Taylor and Bob Vila. 38 00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:08,198 We'll call it "Stump the Tool Man." 39 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:12,101 A very good idea, Mr. Binford. Don't suck up to me, Borland. 40 00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,538 Every red-blooded male will be calling in, 41 00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:19,276 wanting to know if Taylor or Bob Vila is king of the home repair. 42 00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:23,180 John, do we really need competition on this show? 43 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:25,084 You're not afraid, are you, Timmy? 44 00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,653 Of Bob Vila? No, no, no. 45 00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:33,590 Good. You'll represent me, be selling a hell of lot of tools. 46 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,348 Have yourself a good time and kick Bob's butt. 47 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,765 OK, stump the tool man. Ask me a hard one. 48 00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:45,968 OK. You're attaching two-by-fours to a concrete foundation. 49 00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,672 What tool do you use? Piece of cake. 50 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:53,109 Electro-pneumatic rotary hammer drill. Low vibration, variable speed. Yes! 51 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,545 Come on, another one - hard one. Come on, Tim. Give it a rest. 52 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,848 There's no way you are ever gonna know all the stuff in these books. 53 00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,884 Honey, Bob Vila knows everything in those books. 54 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,175 That's because he wrote most of them. 55 00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:09,426 That sure makes me feel better. 56 00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:12,962 Are you afraid big, bad Bob is gonna make you look foolish? 57 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,966 Better men than him have made me look foolish. 58 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,802 That didn't sound right, did it? Ask me another question. (phone ringing) 59 00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:22,405 Wait a sec. 60 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,096 Hello? Oh, hello, Mrs. Woolitt. 61 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,749 He did what? 62 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,051 Oh, I am so sorry. 63 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,086 Well, I promise it'll never happen again. 64 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:40,056 Listen, I'll send him over right away to apologize. 65 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:44,394 Oh, you did? Oh, well, OK. That'll be fine. 66 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:46,129 Thanks. Goodbye. 67 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,465 Randall William Taylor, get in here. I wanna talk to you. 68 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,934 Middle name. He's in trouble. 69 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,138 Randy yanked the shoes off of a kid at school 70 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,696 and filled them with Cheez Whiz. 71 00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:03,179 Mom, you don't understand. He's a total geek. 72 00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:06,716 Don't call him that. What am I supposed to call him? 73 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,851 How about "the whiz kid"? 74 00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:12,855 Tim! Cheese and everything... 75 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:16,259 Randy, this is not like you. Why would you do something like this? 76 00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:19,462 Mom, Curtis is the most annoying kid on earth. 77 00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:23,166 It's true. He drives everybody crazy. Well, I don't care. 78 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:26,230 Curtis is coming over here, and I want you to apologize to him. 79 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:31,140 OK, honey. Ask me another one. All right. One more, and that is all. 80 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,476 What is an adze? 81 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,979 A-D-Z-E. That's a tool? 82 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:42,319 Yeah, it's right here. "Adze: a medieval wood-shaping tool." 83 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:46,122 Oh, get real. What are the chances somebody's gonna call and ask about that? 84 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,525 Might be good, if I'm the one calling. 85 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:52,429 Hey, hey, hey. Pretty sly. 86 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,864 What are the chances Bob Vila's gonna know that? 87 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,200 I know why I love you sometimes. 88 00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:59,302 Look, in case I get in trouble, 89 00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:02,405 I'm gonna look at the camera, I'll scratch like this, 90 00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:04,474 and I'll say, "Let's go to a female caller." 91 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,843 You call this number, 92 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,245 and Kathy will patch you right through the switchboard to me. 93 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,180 OK. (doorbell) 94 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,817 That must be Curtis. Randy! 95 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:18,254 Come on, Mark. Let's get out of here. I want to meet him. 96 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,490 No, you don't. He's a bigger geek than you are. 97 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:24,694 Wow! 98 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:28,520 Curtis, I believe that Randy has something that he wants to say to you. 99 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:34,136 Sorry about the Cheez Whiz. 100 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,474 Thanks. I feel much better now. (sniffs) 101 00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:40,543 Curtis, this is Randy's dad, Mr. Taylor. Hi, Curtis. How are you? 102 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,312 My father and I watch Tool Time. Good. 103 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,270 We really like Al. 104 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,653 We all like Al. 105 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:53,256 He is a geek. 106 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,258 See ya, female caller. 107 00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:57,960 Good luck, big, bad Tim. (grunting) 108 00:06:57,984 --> 00:07:00,830 May I please have something to drink? 109 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:04,834 Yeah. Randy, would you get your guest a soda? 110 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,959 Mrs. Taylor, you look a lot older than my mom. 111 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,410 How old are you? 112 00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:17,146 Old enough not to answer that question. 113 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,370 That's what my grandma says. 114 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,881 (♪ Tool Time theme song) 115 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,267 Thank you. Welcome, everybody. This is Tim "the tool man" Taylor, 116 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,738 and welcome to a special live edition of Tool Time. Today on the show we're... 117 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,808 It's special because we have a very special guest. 118 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:48,311 Why don't we let the audience decide how special the guest is, Al? 119 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,480 I'm sure a lot of you have seen his show and maybe read his books. 120 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,349 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Bob Vila. 121 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:55,306 (cheering) 122 00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,819 Thank you. Thank you. 123 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,938 What a great audience. Just a wonderful audience. 124 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:19,642 Thank you. It's just so great to be here on your show, Jim. 125 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,644 It's Tim. 126 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,246 I'd like you to meet my assistant. Oh, Al and I've met. 127 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,784 How you doing? Good to see you again. The pleasure is mine, Mr. Vila. 128 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:31,387 Call me Bob. I can't. 129 00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:33,476 Well, why don't we get started? Bob, you can sit 130 00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,458 down over here. Before we get to our project, 131 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:38,795 we have a little friendly competition called "Stump the Tool Man." 132 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,530 Oh, that'll be fun. It sure will. 133 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:42,932 Now, if you have any questions about home improvement or tools, 134 00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:45,468 I want you to call 555-TOOL. 135 00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:50,028 That's 555-T-O-O-L. 136 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:56,212 Why don't we go to that first caller? 137 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:59,415 Hi. This is Clarence. Hi, Clarence. What's your problem? 138 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:03,185 My wife is always changing her mind where pictures should be hung. 139 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,855 Hey, we can't help with that. Women can never make up their minds, can they? 140 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,492 Tell me about it. Our walls are so full of holes, 141 00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:12,962 they're starting to look like Swiss cheese. Got any ideas? 142 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:16,287 Oh, yeah. I'd slap some ham on that wall and have a sandwich. 143 00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:22,939 Uh... you know, the cheese and... 144 00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:26,910 Anyway, the best way to fix a nail hole 145 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:29,045 would be use joint compound. Get a putty knife... 146 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:32,181 Uh, I really think spackle would be a better idea. 147 00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:35,384 I agree with Mr. Vila. I'm sure you do, Al. 148 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,220 Clarence, you want to use the spackle with that putty knife 149 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,189 and very carefully fill in all those little holes. 150 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,458 And then you just sand them smooth and touch them up with some paint. 151 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:44,293 The walls will be like new. 152 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,757 Well, I believe this round goes to Mr. Vila. 153 00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:51,267 We're not keeping score, Al. 154 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,870 I am. 155 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,606 Hi, there. Hi, this is Chet. 156 00:09:56,630 --> 00:10:00,643 Hi, Chet. Tim, I try to catch your show whenever I can. 157 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:04,535 Thank you, Chet. I appreciate that. And, Bob, I never miss yours. 158 00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:09,852 Hey, thanks a lot. I'm really looking forward to reading your new book. 159 00:10:09,876 --> 00:10:13,422 Quit the chitchat, Chet, and let's get with that question. 160 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,893 Well, I was wondering... I'm remodeling my house, 161 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:20,897 and I would like to know, what was the name of that wood 162 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:24,366 that you used on the ceiling of that... 163 00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:28,237 that old cracker house in Naples, Florida? What? 164 00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,708 The house we had on the show - yeah, that was pecky cypress. 165 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:35,712 Thanks, Bob. I believe that's two points for Mr. Vila. 166 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,981 Well, how am I supposed to know that? 167 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:41,150 Perhaps if you watched Mr. Vila's show... 168 00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,852 You know, this isn't fair. We should get a question 169 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,722 that both of us have an equal chance of answering. 170 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:49,859 Why don't we go to a female caller? 171 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,495 (man) Hello? Is there a female caller there? 172 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,696 (hangs up) (man #2) Is this Tim Taylor? 173 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,466 Do we have a female caller out there? 174 00:10:57,490 --> 00:11:01,504 Randy, have you seen a piece of paper with a phone number on it? No, Mom. 175 00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:05,174 Yes, Mother, I'm having a very nice time. 176 00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:07,910 No, our house is definitely cleaner. 177 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:11,413 Curtis, have you seen a piece of paper with a phone number on it? 178 00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:13,471 I threw my gum away in it. 179 00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:20,256 Yes, Mother. She's very nice. 180 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:24,761 No, much heavier than you. 181 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,328 (dial tone) 182 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,297 Mother? Mother? 183 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:32,268 And to make sure they line up, it's a good idea to use a doweling jig, 184 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:36,205 'cause remember, a job worth doing is a job worth doing right. 185 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,709 Goes without saying, doesn't it, Bob? 186 00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,078 Still waiting for that female caller. 187 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,547 Still waiting for that female caller. (Jill) Hello? 188 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:49,273 Hello. What's your name? This is Jill... ene. Uh, Jillene. 189 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:57,927 Hello, Jill... Jillene. What's your question? 190 00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,596 Well, it's kind of a hard one. 191 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,598 Well, I think one of us will be able to answer it. 192 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:09,238 OK. Can you tell me the name of a medieval wood-shaping tool? 193 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:12,875 Ooh, that's hard. Um... 194 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,812 Maybe you'd like to handle this one, Bob. 195 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:19,982 I'd love to. I think Jillene's probably thinking about something called an adze. 196 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:23,975 Nice try, Bob, but the tool you're... How the hell did you know that? 197 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:28,891 Let's get back to our project. 198 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:34,396 As you recall, last time we were trying to put a new doorway into an existing wall. 199 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,699 As you can see by our mock-up here, 200 00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:40,136 we've got our jack studs in place. Now we're gonna put our header in. 201 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,139 So, are you planning on using a doubled-up two-by-eight? 202 00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,474 No, I'm not, Bob. 203 00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:47,643 I'm thinking about using that beefy boy over there, 204 00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:50,679 a four-by-eight big piece of American Doug fir. 205 00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:54,817 Doug fir. Hmm. OK. And, folks, it's a good idea to use your framing square 206 00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,853 at this point in the job, 'cause you wanna make sure 207 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:59,655 this header goes in there nice and level. Excellent point, Mr. Vila. 208 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,625 Yeah, there's nothing worse than trying to hang a door in an opening that isn't true. 209 00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,283 How true, how true. Al, I was gonna get to that. 210 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,434 Tim? 211 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:15,337 We'll be back after these messages from Binford. 212 00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,428 (Tim) Cut! Cut! 213 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,178 Just what in the world do you think you're doing? 214 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:26,515 You've associated the name of Binford tools with the killing of Bob Vila! 215 00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:30,153 That's a little harsh - the word "kill," isn't it? I winged the guy. 216 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,756 I started this company with one wrench and the sweat of my brow. 217 00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:36,159 I'm not about to flush it down the crapper now. 218 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:39,195 You don't understand. No, you don't understand. 219 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:44,133 I've got six daughters and nobody wants to marry 'em. 220 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:47,103 Well, Mr. Binford, I always thought Maureen was quite lovely. 221 00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:51,707 Can it, Borland. Doc, what does it look like? Well, he seems to be OK, 222 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:54,110 but I think we should get him to the emergency room to get checked out. 223 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,012 That's a good idea. OK, Bob, let's go. 224 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,881 Listen, that was just a little ol' piece of wood that hit you. 225 00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:01,117 I took a grenade during the war. 226 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,503 Yeah, listen. I've got a fine miter box I 227 00:14:03,527 --> 00:14:06,088 want to show you, too. It really cuts the... 228 00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:09,625 Well, Al, I hope you're satisfied. 229 00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,328 Well, what did I do? Well, you distracted me. 230 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,596 That's why I whacked him, Mr. Negativity. 231 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:18,534 I think you did this on purpose because he beat you at "Stump the Tool Man." 232 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:21,437 Oh, come on. He didn't beat me. 233 00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:25,429 You even cheated. You had Jill call in. That wasn't Jill. 234 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,046 I would never have my wife call in. 235 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,870 Well, you don't have to worry about that since you'll never be married. 236 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,223 Al, that came out wrong. I didn't mean it like that. 237 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:43,326 You'll have a wife one of these days. If you don't, you'll have a girlfriend. 238 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:46,384 Somebody who really likes you, not just some desperate woman. 239 00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,324 Oh, he's so sensitive. 240 00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,706 Really? Tomorrow? 241 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:01,844 Well, Mr. Vila must be a good sport. 242 00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:05,281 OK, yes, sir. I will tell him. Goodbye. 243 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:09,118 What's going on? Bob Vila agreed to be on the show tomorrow. 244 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:14,423 Why? Does he want to get hit in the head again? No, Curtis. 245 00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:19,028 Don't you think you're cooking the carrots too long? No, I don't, Curtis. 246 00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,930 I don't like them when they're soggy. 247 00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,399 They're not going to get soggy, Curtis. 248 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:27,103 We should have a green vegetable with those. Zucchini would be nice. 249 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:30,594 You know what would really be nice, Curtis? If you would just shut the... 250 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,799 Say it, Mom. 251 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:41,984 Randy, honey, would you take Curtis up to your room now, please? 252 00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:44,320 All right. Let's go, Curtis. 253 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,422 Oh, hi, honey. Hi. 254 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:49,691 Are you OK? Yeah. 255 00:15:49,715 --> 00:15:52,417 I just hope I don't hear the name Bob Vila again. 256 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,566 Well, Mr. Binford called. 257 00:15:57,590 --> 00:15:59,601 God. What now? 258 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:02,604 Somebody has agreed to come back and be on the show. 259 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,068 I'm not saying who, but it was someone you hit with a board. 260 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:11,680 Bob Vila? Was there somebody else? 261 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:16,074 No, Jill. I'm cutting back. I'm just knocking out one guy a week now. 262 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:22,458 Mr. Binford thinks that you should work things out with Bob... 263 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,428 on the air. Work what out? It was Al's fault. 264 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,263 He distracted me and I hit him. How many times I gotta tell people? 265 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,332 Don't get snippy with me. I didn't hit him with a four-by-four. 266 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,767 It was a four-by-eight. 267 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:35,004 Oh, but you were the one that said, "He won't know what an adze is." 268 00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:39,075 Oh, now it's my fault. I didn't say, "Why don't you take the question, Bob?" 269 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:43,312 I have a rough day, I come home looking for a little support. You had a rough day? 270 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:47,950 I got stuck in this house all day with that little... Curtis. 271 00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:51,120 Mrs. Taylor, after seeing Randy's room, 272 00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:54,290 I don't think my mom would want me to eat here. 273 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,492 What a shame. 274 00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:59,862 Well... goodbye. 275 00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:03,154 It's starting to get dark. Could someone drive me home? 276 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,527 Get your coat. I'm gonna run you home. 277 00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,512 If you're gonna drive him home, make sure there are air holes in the trunk. 278 00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,587 Howdy, Wilson. Hi-ho, neighbor. 279 00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:29,125 What are you cooking? Boiling up some willow bark. 280 00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:33,595 It's an old folk remedy for a headache. I got aspirin. 281 00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:37,566 No. Tim, it wouldn't be the same. 282 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,568 Mankind may have given me the headache, 283 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:42,304 but nature will take it away. 284 00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:45,908 Sure could've used that today. Hmm? Bad day today? 285 00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:50,812 The worst. I yell at Jill, I insult Al, 286 00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:53,582 and I knocked a guest out on my show with a four-by-eight. 287 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:57,953 Hmm-mm-mm. That is a bad day. Well... 288 00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,955 Who was your guest, by the way? 289 00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:03,792 You wouldn't know him. He's the pioneer of home repair. 290 00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,284 Oh, you mean Bob Vila! 291 00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:12,101 You know him? Oh, everybody knows Bob. 292 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:14,103 I can see how a guy like that might intimidate you, though. 293 00:18:14,127 --> 00:18:15,904 He knows an awful lot about tools. 294 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,839 That's just it. Why would he intimidate me? 295 00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:20,342 Why does everybody think he knows more about tools than I do? 296 00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:22,411 Well, does he, Tim? 297 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,448 Yeah. Mm-hmm. 298 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,783 He even knew what an adze was without cheating. 299 00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,575 Yes, the old medieval wood-shaping tool. 300 00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:38,094 How am I supposed to top that? Oh, you can't, Tim. 301 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:42,198 So I go back on my show and look like a fool again. Tim, Tim, Tim. 302 00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:45,301 The first step for greatness is humbling yourself. 303 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:48,804 (grunts) 304 00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:53,476 Maybe you shouldn't try to have all the answers, and instead ask more questions. 305 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:58,947 You see, Tim, a truly wise man always has more questions than answers. 306 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:03,552 So... would that make me wiser than you, Wilson? 307 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,277 Well, what do you think, Tim? 308 00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,027 (knock on door) 309 00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:13,984 (emphatic knocking) 310 00:19:17,923 --> 00:19:19,857 (knocking continues) 311 00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,246 Well, we've finished putting in that door, 312 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,515 and something is still missing. 313 00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:35,117 The light switch to our beautiful chandelier. 314 00:19:35,141 --> 00:19:37,319 But before we install the light switch, 315 00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,855 I'd like to point out another bright spot on the show - 316 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:45,327 my assistant, Al, who is a very special guy. Well, thank you, Tim. 317 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,297 And I'd also like to mention to you ladies that he's single and very available. 318 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,333 Uh, Tim, are we ready for our special guest? 319 00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,469 Oh, right you are, Al. 320 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:58,340 Let's welcome back to the show a fully repaired and healed up Mr. Bob Vila. 321 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,999 (cheers/applause) 322 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:11,220 It's not like I'm gonna hit ya. 323 00:20:11,244 --> 00:20:15,591 I'll just hang back here with Al, all right? Fine, fine. 324 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:18,627 'Cause I'm a humble enough guy to admit when I've made a mistake. 325 00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:21,197 And we had a bad accident on the show last time, 326 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:25,000 and I want to say that I take full blame for that. 327 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:28,671 Tim, I accept your apology. Can I go now? 328 00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:31,307 Well, I was hoping you'd help us put in the wall switch. 329 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:35,077 Well, you're the expert, Tim. You really should install the switch. 330 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,413 Well, I have to be humble enough to say 331 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,516 that I really don't know all there is to know about home repair. 332 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:42,618 Well, Tim, you surprise me. 333 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:46,589 Oh, come on, Al. This is Bob Vila, the big kahuna of home repair, 334 00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,494 and I think the audience would like to see him 335 00:20:48,518 --> 00:20:50,381 in action. What do you think, folks? Come on. 336 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:57,032 Well, what the heck? 337 00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:58,927 I mean, electrical work is not my strong 338 00:20:58,951 --> 00:21:01,036 point, Tim, but this is pretty simple stuff. 339 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,472 I assume you've knocked out the hole and fed the wires through there. 340 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:05,774 That would be these three here. And then the very important thing is 341 00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:09,177 to make sure they're clamped down securely with a lock nut connector. 342 00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:14,004 I was in Scotland this year, and I actually saw the lock nut connector. 343 00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:22,057 Connect away, Bob. 344 00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:24,401 Tim, are you sure you turned off the electricity? 345 00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:28,430 That goes without saying, Al. 346 00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:31,099 Well, now that we've said it, have you done it? 347 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:33,269 Tim, it's your show. I think you should install the switch. 348 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:36,338 Oh, you're the guest. Go on, go on. 349 00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:39,875 Al, would you do this, please? 350 00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:41,965 I don't think so, Bob. 351 00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:46,282 Oh, come on, you guys. 352 00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:48,484 What the heck. I'll put it in. Go for it. 353 00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:51,086 It's a simple socket switch. 354 00:21:51,110 --> 00:21:54,390 Wiring is very simple. I just thought Bob'd like to take a shot at it. 355 00:21:54,414 --> 00:21:58,860 Wiring's very simple with these... I got a little... There, OK. 356 00:21:58,884 --> 00:22:02,698 Now, green, of course, like the ground, is green. 357 00:22:02,722 --> 00:22:05,501 White is hot and... No, white... 358 00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:07,558 Well, hot... What is this one here? 359 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,773 (Tim) Aah! 360 00:22:25,445 --> 00:22:28,156 (Brad) Curtis is coming! Oh, no. 361 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,958 Curtis is coming! (Mark) He's almost here! 362 00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:32,461 Brad, get the lights. Everybody hide. 363 00:22:32,485 --> 00:22:34,830 Shh, shh, shh! Don't make a sound. 364 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,787 Shh. 365 00:22:37,757 --> 00:22:39,401 (knock on door) 366 00:22:39,425 --> 00:22:44,027 Is anybody home? Hello! 367 00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:49,266 I saw your lights on! 368 00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:54,238 My mom said I could stay overnight! 369 00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:58,976 But you have to let me in first! 370 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:03,525 I know you're in there! 371 00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,483 Hello! 372 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:24,001 (slow) He's fakin' it. 372 00:23:25,305 --> 00:24:25,798 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/935d7 Help other users to choose the best subtitles