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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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And thus you have a beautifully
decorated nameplate for your home.
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So when you come to my door,
whose house is it, Al?
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Rolyat Mit.
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All you got to do is read it,
and it says…
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Rolyat Mit.
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How did I screw that up?
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Anyway, that's just one of the uses
for a scrolling saber saw.
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Another way to make a scroll cut
is use your coping saw.
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Al, do you suppose they call these coping
saws cos they're good at handling stress?
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I don't think so, Rolyat.
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Thanks, Al. I mean, La.
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Anyway, all this week.
La and I will be doing our salute
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to saws.
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To most people,
saws just mean noise, wood chips.
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And maybe a missing finger or two.
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Not to me. To me, a saw says the sound
of power, something a man can relate to.
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Yeah, this bad boy is raw power.
Ar-ar yourselves. Yeah.
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This is a 3.5-cubic-inch chain saw.
Automatic oil, manual chain style.
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Yeah, you won't have this thing around
too long before you hear the wife going:
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"Are you sure you're supposed
to have that running in the bedroom?"
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You want to cut down on the noise,
put some tape across her mouth.
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I'm kidding.
Al, the women know I'm kidding, right?
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That's Tim "He's Not Kidding" Taylor…
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Boy. I'm tired of that sign, Al.
Besides, the women know I'm kidding.
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If not, they're probably
too busy yapping to hear me anyway.
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That's Tim Taylor, care of Tool Time,
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- PO box 3273…
- Al, Al.
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Do the words "job search"
mean anything to you at all?
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What I'm trying to say here
is that tools in general
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don't just have to make banging,
crashing, sawing noises.
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Tools can also make music.
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And to prove my point, I've got
a special guest invited here to Tool Time.
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So I expect a big Tool Time welcome
for Miss Janeen Rae Heller.
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Hi. Janeen.
This is my assistant, Al.
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- I'm a big fan of yours, Al.
- Thanks for that.
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Why don't you sit right down here?
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As we all can plainly see. Janeen's got
an ordinary Binford crosscut saw.
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Which means we're gonna
have her build us a sun porch.
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No, Tim, I'm going to be playing music.
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Music to even the most sensitive of ears.
All right, hit it. Janeen.
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- Any requests?
- Maybe…
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Yes. I have one.
It's from my favorite movie.
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Do you know the theme to Dumbo?
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Tim, that's my favorite movie
about an elephant.
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I would like to hear "Greensleeves".
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Oh. Let's party.
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I know that.
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- Would you turn that down, please?
- What?
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- Turn it down. It's hurting my ears.
- Hurting your ears? I barely have it on.
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- Turn it down, turn it down, turn it down.
- You'll break the…
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See? Isn't that much better?
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Is the stereo on, hon?
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When you listen to it that loud,
it just sounds terrible.
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Music is to be experienced.
That's why you got to crank it up.
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- Isn't that better?
- No.
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- Oh. I don't believe this.
- What's wrong?
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I think I blew out the woofer
on these things.
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Well, can you fix that?
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You know, these are old.
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Why don't we buy new speakers?
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- No. No, no, no.
- Come on.
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Think about it. They're great.
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I been reading a lot about speakers now.
They're changing.
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Five-way bass reflex, right?
Triple-crossover networks.
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It excites me so much when you talk about
conductors, high response.
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- Megahertz, tweeters…
- Jill, they got…
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- You got a minute? You got a minute?
- ..woofers.
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- Can I speak for just one second?
- All right.
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They're new. Everything's got magnetic
dampening and cooling, mini tweeters.
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They got
aluminum diaphragms now in 'em.
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You just rest. I'm going down
to Lucky G Stereo to check it out.
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You're not gonna buy anything
but speakers, right? Nothing else.
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No, no. Well, maybe look at amps.
Digital audio's out. Kind of cool.
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- You stay here. I'll go buy the speakers.
- Jill, please, please stay here.
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You go, you'll end up getting
matching wood grain and a soft dėcor
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to go with carpets,
chairs and linoleum.
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Men's speakers - that's what I'm after.
Speakers with attitude.
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Speakers that haven't shaved
in a couple of days, that's it.
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Before you get all these hairy speakers.
I want you to stop and think to yourself:
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"What would Jill want me to buy?"
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- I always do that.
- Listen this time.
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All right.
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I'll buy sensible speakers, but we could
upgrade the amp, boost the power…
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No boosting. No rewiring.
I just want something simple I can turn on.
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Like me.
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Not that simple.
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- Dad, are these good speakers?
- You bet. The best.
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Dual concentric design speaker elements
with the tweeter inside the woofer.
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Woof!
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OK, you get the donuts.
I'll distract Dad.
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OK.
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Hey. Dad.
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Yes, son?
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- How's it going?
- OK.
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I got a question for you.
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How do you build a house?
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That's a good question, first you select
the site where you're gonna build.
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Then you pick the style of house.
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And then you put the donuts
right back in the cupboard.
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Oh, man!
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Where you going? I haven't finished.
Then you pour the foundation…
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Later. Dad.
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Dad. I found the instructions.
You said there weren't any.
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Real men don't use instructions, son.
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Besides, this is just the manufacturer's
opinion of how to put this together.
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- We got a better way, don't we?
- Yeah.
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While I got you, help me
take these boxes out to the garbage.
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Hi-de-ho, big neighbor
and little neighbor.
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Hi, Wilson.
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- I see you got some stereo equipment.
- Ah, state of the art, my friend.
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I was looking for speakers, but I ended up
with a whole entertainment center.
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So you and Jill went shopping together.
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She couldn't make it,
so I'm hoping to surprise her.
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Wait till she sees the CD player.
Eight times oversampling. Holds 18 CDs.
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We could party all night, man.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Your lovely wife
just came in, Tim,
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and I think you're right.
She does look surprised.
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Well, Jill?
What do you think?
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- How much did it cost?
- Well…
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- Not a lot, considering all the titanium…
- How much?
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Well… Nothing.
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Actually, it's on a five-day trial. If you
don't like it, you get your money back.
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I thought you were gonna ask yourself.
"What would Jill want me to buy?"
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I asked her.
This is what she said.
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00:10:01,395 --> 00:10:06,903
No, the… the salesman
down at the stereo place - Biff - said:
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"Are you into opera?"
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00:10:09,513 --> 00:10:12,621
- Biff asked you that?
- Yeah.
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00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:17,938
And he said that if you are, you'd like
the Dolby Pro Logic Surround Sound.
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- I see.
- Yeah.
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00:10:20,348 --> 00:10:25,535
- So you bought all this stuff for me.
- Absolutely.
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00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:28,695
- What is this thing right there?
- Your new police scanner.
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00:10:32,463 --> 00:10:34,531
Gee, thanks, honey.
It's just what I always wanted.
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00:10:34,622 --> 00:10:38,610
I was gonna wait for our anniversary,
but, you know, it's a special time for me.
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00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:42,928
Why are you obsessed with all this
gadgetry? This is way too complicated.
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00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:44,539
- This couldn't be simpler.
- Oh, yeah?
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00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:46,807
Then you tell me,
how do I turn the TV on?
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Piece of cake. Set your pre-amp,
turn on your amp, set VTR button to "TV".
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00:10:52,254 --> 00:10:57,602
Sound system acoustical or flat.
Dolby up one C, flip on your monitor.
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Tim, box it up, open the door,
put it in the car, take it back.
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00:11:01,971 --> 00:11:05,360
Look. I anticipated your techno-fright.
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Watch what I did. I rewired
the whole system to be sound-sensitive.
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What's that? Listen to this.
You just turn the whole unit on. OK.
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00:11:15,366 --> 00:11:19,234
Now… You want the TV on?
Clap once.
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00:11:20,924 --> 00:11:22,912
Come on.
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00:11:24,882 --> 00:11:26,870
See?
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00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,501
Oh, no, uh…
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00:11:28,601 --> 00:11:30,750
TV's twice.
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00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,577
Three times. TV. There…
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I'll get this. Hold on.
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00:11:39,956 --> 00:11:41,544
OK…
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00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:46,993
Just turn it all off.
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00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,222
Tim.
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00:11:50,311 --> 00:11:54,090
Turn off! Go away! Stop it!
Hello! Ho! Ho! Ho!
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00:11:54,189 --> 00:11:58,099
Look. I have a very technical solution.
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00:12:01,186 --> 00:12:02,777
- Yeah! That was it.
- It worked.
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00:12:04,105 --> 00:12:05,655
- Tim.
- Yeah?
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00:12:05,744 --> 00:12:10,452
I have a question about this remote
you installed, where you clap.
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00:12:10,543 --> 00:12:16,050
When we're watching the opera and the
audience applauds, will it turn the TV off?
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00:12:20,099 --> 00:12:24,168
Help me out and grab that bare wire
for me, please.
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00:12:24,257 --> 00:12:29,686
- Tim. I don't want to be a nagging wife.
- Then how will I recognize you?
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00:12:29,775 --> 00:12:32,404
All right.
You're loving and supporting. Let go.
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00:12:32,495 --> 00:12:36,192
What are you?
A mud wrestler on the weekends?
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00:12:36,292 --> 00:12:38,961
Mark, your ride is here.
Get a move on.
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00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:58,154
"To series your equipment.
Locate audio-in jack and auxiliary output."
167
00:12:58,243 --> 00:13:01,352
"for VCR and CD,
reverse process or go…"
168
00:13:01,443 --> 00:13:05,550
Oh, jeez. Do I go in from the output
or out from the input?
169
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,790
- Hi-de-ho, neighbor.
- Hi, Wilson.
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00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,028
Did you get that sound system
hooked up yet?
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00:13:10,118 --> 00:13:12,577
Oh, yeah. Piece of cake, man.
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00:13:13,677 --> 00:13:17,666
- Can I ask you a question?
- Woof my tweeter, Tim.
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00:13:20,035 --> 00:13:23,224
When you listen to your music, do you
have it up so loud it rattles the walls?
174
00:13:23,314 --> 00:13:26,542
Well. I used to, Tim, but nowadays
when I pound on the bongos that hard.
175
00:13:26,632 --> 00:13:28,662
It just makes my palms sore.
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00:13:29,590 --> 00:13:30,811
Right.
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00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:34,579
Jill thinks I'm obsessed
with all this stereo technology.
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00:13:34,668 --> 00:13:37,489
That's not it, you know.
I like the loud music,
179
00:13:37,514 --> 00:13:39,520
but I like sound.
That's what I like.
180
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:42,975
I like 20 megahertz roaring through
my body, shaking my bladder.
181
00:13:43,065 --> 00:13:46,493
My brain's blasting,
my stomach's quivering…
182
00:13:47,583 --> 00:13:49,852
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
183
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:54,651
See, it's not unlike what the ancient
Greeks felt during a dithyramb.
184
00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:57,650
Dithyramb?
How do you spell that?
185
00:13:57,739 --> 00:14:01,407
Well… Let's just say a poem
with wild and irregular rhythms.
186
00:14:01,498 --> 00:14:02,967
- Let's just say that.
- Right.
187
00:14:03,057 --> 00:14:05,647
The dithyramb actually was
a prelude to Greek theater.
188
00:14:05,736 --> 00:14:08,685
There was much stylized
dancing and chanting
189
00:14:08,774 --> 00:14:12,044
as 50 naked men danced
to the beat of a drum.
190
00:14:12,133 --> 00:14:16,122
I think there's a place like that
down by the airport.
191
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:21,640
One of my favorite dithyrambs is similar
to the chorus in a play by Aeschylus.
192
00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:24,918
Give ear to my dithyramb. Ho!
193
00:14:27,207 --> 00:14:30,597
My flesh crawls
while I listen to them pray.
194
00:14:30,685 --> 00:14:33,994
The day of doom has waited long.
195
00:14:34,084 --> 00:14:39,553
Oh, pain, grown into the race
and blood-dripping stroke
196
00:14:39,642 --> 00:14:43,910
and grinding cry of disaster moaning
197
00:14:44,001 --> 00:14:47,389
and impossible weight to bear.
198
00:14:52,318 --> 00:14:54,506
I am cleansed.
199
00:14:56,836 --> 00:14:59,625
These guys would do that naked?
200
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:09,021
Thank you all. Thank you all.
201
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:12,220
Ar-ar yourselves. Cut it out.
202
00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:15,618
Welcome to the show. We have
a very special program. I'm Tim Taylor.
203
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:20,826
Of course, this is my assistant
Al "I Wish I Could Be Tim Taylor" Borland.
204
00:15:22,105 --> 00:15:24,615
Like I said,
we have a very special show today.
205
00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:29,133
You mean you're not going to
break anything, Tim?
206
00:15:29,222 --> 00:15:32,211
Maybe just your contract, fella.
207
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:37,129
Last time, if you remember,
we saw Janeen Rae Heller play her saw.
208
00:15:37,218 --> 00:15:38,359
That's right.
209
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:43,846
- Remember seeing Janeen play the saw?
- Yes, Tim, I've seen her saw.
210
00:15:43,937 --> 00:15:46,925
So, you say you saw her saw?
211
00:15:49,934 --> 00:15:53,322
Yes. I saw her saw.
212
00:15:53,413 --> 00:15:55,202
So?
213
00:15:57,090 --> 00:16:00,319
So now you're saying you saw her sew.
214
00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:03,398
Not sew.
I've seen her saw.
215
00:16:03,489 --> 00:16:06,198
I see.
Enough of that nonsense.
216
00:16:06,288 --> 00:16:10,636
After the show, we got a terrific letter
from the guys at K&B Construction Company.
217
00:16:10,725 --> 00:16:12,115
Boy, were they pumped.
218
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,074
They wrote me,
and I was excited to see them.
219
00:16:14,163 --> 00:16:16,542
So I've invited them
down here to Tool Time.
220
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,351
I want you all to give
a big Tool Time welcome
221
00:16:19,442 --> 00:16:22,031
to the boys from K&B Construction.
Bay City. Michigan -
222
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,030
Rock, Dwayne, Pete and Juke!
223
00:16:34,075 --> 00:16:37,944
- It's really nice to have you back again.
- Great to be back, Timmy.
224
00:16:38,034 --> 00:16:41,703
Listen, we were so inspired
by Janeen's performance on that saw.
225
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:47,221
Next day we went out to the job site and
started listening to the sounds of the tools.
226
00:16:47,311 --> 00:16:51,619
We kept hearing
the reverberation of steel on steel.
227
00:16:51,708 --> 00:16:53,937
Sledgehammers cracking concrete…
228
00:16:54,027 --> 00:16:56,217
and jackhammers busting cement!
229
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,307
Yes!
230
00:16:57,387 --> 00:17:00,415
It was a veritable cacophony.
231
00:17:00,505 --> 00:17:04,284
Culminating in a creative crescendo.
232
00:17:10,741 --> 00:17:12,410
Timmy, it was amazing.
233
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:16,368
Old Juke here whipped out his mouth harp,
started playing along with those sounds.
234
00:17:16,459 --> 00:17:19,767
Musical magic was happening right there,
way above the traffic.
235
00:17:19,858 --> 00:17:22,366
You guys making music like that -
it reminds me of a dithyramb.
236
00:17:22,457 --> 00:17:27,364
You know, that Greek thing where
50 guys get naked and dance in a field?
237
00:17:35,051 --> 00:17:37,351
You know… you know what I mean.
238
00:17:38,609 --> 00:17:43,678
Well, we don't have time for that, Tim.
See we only get an hour off for lunch.
239
00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:48,755
- Rock, what do you have for us?
- Well…
240
00:17:48,846 --> 00:17:51,635
Timmy, the guys and I
have formed a band.
241
00:17:51,725 --> 00:17:55,263
I'll be playing the angle grinder
and a 55-gallon drum.
242
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:59,951
Tim, I'm gonna be on
the galvanized-piping chimes
243
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,071
and also on the anvil.
244
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,908
Tim, I'll be on the trash can,
the gas cans and the wrench.
245
00:18:06,998 --> 00:18:09,947
In fact, Tim, I am
the entire rhythm section.
246
00:18:10,036 --> 00:18:14,506
And, Timmy, the lovely Janeen
is back to fill in the melody.
247
00:18:19,434 --> 00:18:23,131
Janeen, thank you for returning
to the show. Why don't you sit right here.
248
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:26,581
Oh. God, my body's quivering right now
just thinking about this.
249
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:31,608
People like this build together
to build a band that plays with only tools.
250
00:18:31,709 --> 00:18:35,216
I guess, Al, we could
call this "heavy metal".
251
00:18:36,187 --> 00:18:40,374
I don't think so, Tim,
but I do find them riveting.
252
00:18:41,983 --> 00:18:43,654
Good one, Al.
253
00:18:43,744 --> 00:18:47,012
Hey, Timmy, you're gonna love this.
We wrote this one just for you.
254
00:18:47,101 --> 00:18:49,971
We call it "The Ratchet Rhapsody".
255
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:52,610
We-he-he-he-hell…
256
00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:58,327
Making their television debut right here on
Tool Time. K&B and the boys and Janeen.
257
00:18:58,418 --> 00:19:00,246
Rock, let's roll!
258
00:19:00,337 --> 00:19:01,337
Beat!
259
00:19:01,856 --> 00:19:04,315
That would be me.
260
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,283
One. Two.
261
00:19:06,374 --> 00:19:08,282
One, two, three…
262
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:30,873
Two, three, four…
263
00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:58,623
Come on. Pete! Take it. Pete!
264
00:20:32,618 --> 00:20:34,049
Al!
265
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,630
Thank you! Thank you!
266
00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:56,719
Thank you!
267
00:21:04,525 --> 00:21:08,555
- OK, Tim. Are you ready?
- Yeah, we want to listen to the speakers.
268
00:21:09,015 --> 00:21:15,401
Prepare to be amazed. I've got 500 watts
running through this bad boy.
269
00:21:15,492 --> 00:21:17,281
500 watts?
270
00:21:17,370 --> 00:21:20,040
Is it safe for us to be sitting here?
271
00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:23,198
- It's as safe as any other job I've done.
- OK, boys. Let's go.
272
00:21:23,289 --> 00:21:27,597
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Come back here!
I mean it. Sit down here.
273
00:21:29,086 --> 00:21:31,464
All right. Ms Negativity.
274
00:21:31,565 --> 00:21:35,264
Prepare yourself for a lovely Sunday
afternoon at the Metropolitan Opera
275
00:21:35,363 --> 00:21:39,032
in beautiful surround sound.
276
00:21:39,121 --> 00:21:42,900
I'll adjust the acoustic level
to "concert hall".
277
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:48,509
That's wonderful, Tim,
but… turn it down.
278
00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:51,028
I'm trying, dammit.
279
00:21:51,116 --> 00:21:53,106
It's stuck.
280
00:22:16,186 --> 00:22:19,776
- I talked to the insurance agent.
- I hope they're gonna pay for this.
281
00:22:19,865 --> 00:22:22,614
Yeah, they are,
but they're doubling our deductible.
282
00:22:22,704 --> 00:22:24,214
Why?
283
00:22:24,304 --> 00:22:28,002
They seem to think
that you're accident-prone.
284
00:22:29,701 --> 00:22:34,530
- Where are they getting that idea?
- Well, Tim, just stop and think about it.
285
00:22:40,497 --> 00:22:43,165
Al. I was gonna get to that.
286
00:22:43,256 --> 00:22:45,404
Lawn ho!
287
00:23:05,047 --> 00:23:07,875
I see. I get that point.
288
00:23:14,244 --> 00:23:18,272
Why don't I just open my shirt
and let him crawl right in, huh?
289
00:23:30,997 --> 00:23:32,946
Lawn ho!
289
00:23:33,305 --> 00:24:33,214
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