1
00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:02,679
Today we get to mess with
2
00:00:02,703 --> 00:00:05,282
a Binford 60-pound
upright electric jackhammer.
3
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:08,285
You know, Al, they say
that breakin' up is hard to do.
4
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:12,222
Ha-ha. Evidently Neil Sedaka
never played one of these bad boys.
5
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,224
This can make some real noise -
6
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:17,060
130 pulsating decibels
of jackhammer.
7
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,629
Ar-ar-ar-ar-oh-oh-ar-ar-ar.
8
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:22,532
Oh-oh-oh. You're right, Tim.
9
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,701
That's why we'll be
protecting our hearing
10
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:28,205
with these soft foam-filled
plastic cushioned earmuffs.
11
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:31,041
That's right, Al, and as
any ZZ Top fan knows,
12
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,443
hearing loss begins
at 85 decibels.
13
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,246
At 100 decibels, you have
your ordinary 10-inch table saw.
14
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:39,138
(table saw whines)
15
00:00:41,242 --> 00:00:44,287
At 120 decibels, you have
your 12-inch radial arm saw.
16
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:47,090
(radial arm saw whines)
17
00:00:47,114 --> 00:00:50,527
And very dangerous
at 180 decibels,
18
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,796
you have your unbelievable
68-inch mother-in-law.
19
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:57,234
(woman sings)
20
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:58,668
(singing cut off)
21
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,437
Just kidding, Nana.
22
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,862
Al... earmuffs on.
23
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,843
All right, plug me in, Al.
24
00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,901
I'll need to get AC power
to this thing quick, all right?
25
00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,983
Plug it in, Al.
26
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,019
Al!
27
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,543
Al!
28
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:23,882
Fly's down.
29
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:29,020
You're fired. (laughs)
30
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:36,506
You know, ladies,
as Al's best friend,
31
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:39,509
I'd like to talk to you about
him for a minute if I could.
32
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,367
The beard - pretty
cheesy-looking, isn't it?
33
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:46,383
And those flannel
shirts do nothing for me.
34
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,985
As Al's dating record will attest,
they don't do much for him, either.
35
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:52,177
(jackhammer clacking)
36
00:01:54,000 --> 00:02:00,074
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
37
00:03:02,949 --> 00:03:06,251
Well, what do you think? Can
we put the kids in the middle?
38
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,566
Here's the last of 'em.
39
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,769
It was really nice of your mom
to give us these encyclopedias.
40
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,771
What are you
doing with the trunk?
41
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:17,274
Putting books in it. This
thing's gonna weigh a ton.
42
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,543
I've got two boxes
in the garage for this.
43
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,044
Well, that's silly.
44
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:23,746
Just use this, and you
don't have to make two trips.
45
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,748
Right. I'll be making
two trips anyway -
46
00:03:25,772 --> 00:03:28,017
one to the garage
and one to the hospital.
47
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,852
Oh, honey, you can do this.
48
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,722
You used to bench press
your body weight in college.
49
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:36,626
You're heavier now.
Should be able to lift more.
50
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,595
If that were true, you should
be able to lift the whole...
51
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,730
The whole what?
52
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,189
The whole wheat
bread over there...
53
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:47,737
I got the lead.
54
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:50,574
Yeah. Oh, my baby got the lead!
55
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,576
He's gonna play Peter
Pan. Good going, buddy.
56
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,412
I knew that he had that
spark, that thing that says,
57
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,581
"I am an artist. I
live for the theater."
58
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,416
Down, Jill. Down.
I told you this.
59
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,351
When he was in that
Christmas pageant,
60
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,353
all the other kids
stood up on the stage.
61
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:07,056
Randy... (deep voice)
stood up on the stage.
62
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,891
He probably gets
it from you, hon,
63
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,727
'cause you don't
just burn meat loaf,
64
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,562
you... (deep voice)
burn meat loaf.
65
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,498
I'm just glad I
finally have a kid
66
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,334
who appreciates culture.
67
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:19,168
Yeah, and the best part is
68
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:22,539
I get to miss social
studies for a month.
69
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,874
Honey, what is this?
70
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,377
Nothing. Oh, yeah?
71
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,479
"Desire's Passion in the Wind."
72
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:32,148
It's nothing. I bought it
in the grocery store line.
73
00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:33,883
And these? No...
74
00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,918
"Desire's Real Passion."
75
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,321
"The Sweet Kiss of Desire."
76
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:42,859
"Desire and the
Leprechaun." (laughs)
77
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,361
Cut it out.
78
00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:46,529
I didn't know you
liked books like this.
79
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:50,255
I know it sounds silly, but
they're actually very well written.
80
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,638
Really?
81
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,139
(clears throat)
82
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,141
(English accent)
"Her heart stood still
83
00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:00,443
"as Derek swept
her into his arms.
84
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:03,880
"His sinewy biceps rippled
85
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,383
"as he carried her up the stairs
86
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:10,720
to a night of eternal ecstasy."
87
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,323
(normal voice) Oh, please.
88
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:17,794
OK, so I enjoy cheap
romance and drama.
89
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,830
Fine. I'll bring some hand
puppets to the bedroom.
90
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,499
Come on, I'll help you
91
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,768
get this over out to the garage.
92
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:28,338
Whoa. This is a lot
heavier than I thought it was.
93
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:32,609
(deep voice) Maybe Derek should
help, with those sinewy biceps.
94
00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:35,445
He probably could. He's only 21.
95
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:37,547
Step aside, little lady.
96
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:39,549
Come on, Tim. I
was just teasing you.
97
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,185
A minute ago, you were
asking me to carry it. No, no, no.
98
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:44,721
That was before I
knew how heavy it was.
99
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,556
You don't think
I can carry this?
100
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:49,414
Maybe, if there
weren't any books in it.
101
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,262
I can lift it, with the
books. Oh, come on, Tim.
102
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:55,264
You're gonna hurt yourself.
103
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:58,234
Oh, watch my biceps
ripple one by one.
104
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:01,092
(grunting)
105
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,196
Trunk of desire.
106
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:10,447
It's all in the legs, babe.
107
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,415
Ohh.
108
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:15,051
Ohh. Ahh.
109
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,354
Ohh. Gee.
110
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,356
Ohh!
111
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,246
(groaning)
112
00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,870
Do you have to go
to the bathroom, Dad?
113
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,406
I don't think that...
114
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:39,531
I don't think I'm ever gonna
go to the bathroom again.
115
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,146
What happened?
116
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,716
I pulled my groin.
117
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,084
What's that?
118
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,174
My very favorite muscle.
119
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:54,190
I'll get Mom. No, no,
no, don't tell your mother.
120
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:56,192
Don't tell your mother. Why not?
121
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:58,595
Whenever I get hurt,
she makes me feel better.
122
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:02,031
Well, that's regular
pain. This is man pain.
123
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:05,101
How do you know if you
have regular pain or man pain?
124
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,293
If you do something stupid,
it's probably man pain.
125
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,975
But if you don't tell
Mom, isn't that lying?
126
00:07:12,999 --> 00:07:14,977
Not if you don't say the words.
127
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,979
If you said the
words, it'd be lying.
128
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,337
What if she asks me? Lie.
129
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:23,252
Lisa.
130
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,422
Al, Al, come here.
I need some help.
131
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:30,192
I don't believe that's part
of my job description, Tim.
132
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:32,429
Just stand there
and block my view,
133
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:35,219
and tell me if
anybody's coming, OK?
134
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:39,569
Uh-huh.
135
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,759
Butterfly's loose.
136
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,107
You ever feel like your
whole groin is on fire?
137
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,878
Every night, Tim.
138
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,581
15 seconds, guys. Thanks, Lisa.
139
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:54,584
What happened is I pulled a
groin muscle yesterday at home.
140
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,586
I went to the
doctor this morning.
141
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,888
He said I'm not supposed
to lift anything heavy,
142
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,558
so we have to change the
format of the show a little bit today.
143
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,827
You are gonna have
to do all the work.
144
00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:06,262
And what would
the change be, Tim?
145
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:09,632
(Lisa) Does everybody know what
time it is? (audience) Tool Time!
146
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:10,834
That's right.
147
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:12,836
Binford Tools is
proud to present
148
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:16,105
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!
149
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,007
(cheers and applause)
150
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,042
Thank you.
151
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:23,713
Aw, thank you very much.
Welcome to Tool Time.
152
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,815
I'm your host Tim
"The Tool Man" Taylor,
153
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,884
and of course we all
know my assistant Al.
154
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,886
Al, what are we up to today?
155
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:32,221
Well, Tim, today we're
gonna be showing you
156
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:35,391
how to patch up your sidewalk
or driveway, and to do that,
157
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:38,862
we're gonna need to
mix up some... concrete.
158
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,597
That's right. Concrete.
159
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,899
Cement, sand, gravel and water.
160
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,201
A man's Play-Doh. Ha-ha.
161
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:48,037
The best place to get concrete,
of course, is a cement truck,
162
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:50,373
but of course none of
us have a cement truck.
163
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,909
But we'd all like
one, wouldn't we?
164
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:56,078
Who wouldn't want 65,000
pounds of hydraulic diesel power...?
165
00:08:56,102 --> 00:09:00,116
Oh, yeah. 10 yarder, 15-chute,
spit wad of gravel-churn...
166
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:03,008
Ar-ar-ar-ahh-ooh.
167
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:11,060
But quite frankly, who needs
65,000 pounds of cement?
168
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:14,063
Nobody, not unless you
have your mother-in-law visit,
169
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:17,266
and you want to make her
some loafers. Ha-ha-ha-ha.
170
00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:19,268
Just kidding, Nana.
171
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,937
Speaking of loafers...
172
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,606
Al, why don't we
mix up that concrete?
173
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:27,143
Well, since we'll only be
mixing up a small amount,
174
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:30,880
all we'll need is a wheelbarrow,
water, sand and cement.
175
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,415
Sounds like that recipe
176
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,817
for the cookies you
brought in yesterday.
177
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,553
My mother made those, Tim.
178
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:40,389
Oh, I'm sorry. Hope
she's dating a dentist.
179
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,524
Here you go, Tim.
180
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,081
Oh! Aah!
181
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:55,212
We'll be right back after
these messages from Binford.
182
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,274
Hey, shut up, Brad! Boys...
183
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:01,210
Face it. You're
the king of dorks.
184
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:04,280
(TV playing)
185
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,749
Dad, look.
186
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,151
Oh-ho.
187
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:12,055
Yeah, this is my
costume. I look like an elf.
188
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:14,390
No, elves have
those pointed shoes.
189
00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,525
Yeah, like these?
190
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,696
Exactly like those.
191
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,331
Yeah, they even match
his sissy green tights.
192
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,166
Cut it out. They're not sissy.
193
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,969
All your superheroes
wear tights.
194
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,304
Superman, Batman,
Spider-Man... Wonder Woman.
195
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:31,307
Hey, shut up. You gotta
wear tights if you fly.
196
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:34,477
It's an FAA regulation. It's
aerodynamic or something.
197
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,913
Yeah, but I'm not gonna fly.
198
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:38,915
What do you mean? You gotta fly.
199
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,484
You're the Pan Man, man.
200
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:46,422
Yeah, well, Mrs. Miller says
I'm supposed to, like, prance.
201
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,457
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
202
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:52,784
Oh, no, no. No, stop.
Don't do that. No!
203
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,968
Men don't prance.
204
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,571
We walk, we run, we
skip if no one's looking.
205
00:11:02,595 --> 00:11:04,573
We jump, that sort of stuff.
206
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,209
But we don't ever, ever prance.
207
00:11:07,233 --> 00:11:09,545
Ohh. Ohh.
208
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,715
Yeah, but I can't fly. The school
doesn't have the equipment.
209
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:13,883
They don't?
210
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,552
No, and nobody
knows how to build it.
211
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,355
Nobody knows how
to build it? Oh-ho-ho.
212
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:20,857
Wait, Dad. Dad, no.
213
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,892
A pulley system...
Cut it out. No. Dad.
214
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,895
Hey, hey, hey, you wanna
fly, I'm the guy can fly you.
215
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,730
A double-ratchet pulley system,
216
00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:29,398
counterweight or something...
217
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:32,568
I can get you flying 90 miles
an hour around that school.
218
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,570
Well, yeah, I'd rather prance.
219
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:37,874
No one ever died in
a prancing accident.
220
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,209
You know, as I see it, fella,
221
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,878
you got two choices.
222
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,747
One - you're soaring
30 feet in the air,
223
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:47,684
swooping, diving, twisting,
turning over the audience.
224
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:51,220
They're looking up, going, "What's he
flying for? What's he gonna do to us?"
225
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,222
Or... you can prance around
226
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:56,525
in that dorky
little green outfit
227
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,184
wearing elf shoes.
228
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,299
Fly me.
229
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,134
Yes. Yes. Yea-ow.
230
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,203
Ow. Ohh.
231
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,907
I'm home. Aha-honey. Honey.
232
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,608
Hi. Hi.
233
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:14,610
Are the kids home?
234
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,212
Randy just went upstairs.
235
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:19,215
Oh. You wanna help
me with the groceries?
236
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:23,419
Uh, Jill, I wanna
tell you something.
237
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,089
Yesterday, when
I lifted that trunk...
238
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,958
Oh, well, that is so weird
that you mentioned that,
239
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,794
'cause I have been
thinking about it all day.
240
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:33,196
What? Well, I...
241
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:35,698
I know I told you not
to do it. You were right.
242
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:38,201
And I know I'm supposed
to be way past this.
243
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:41,137
It's embarrassing, but I gotta tell
ya. I know what you're gonna say.
244
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:44,707
It really turned me
on. (grunts) Huh?
245
00:12:44,731 --> 00:12:48,945
Hey, Mom, is it OK
if I go to Tommy's?
246
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,269
Please.
247
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:03,359
When you heaved that trunk
248
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:06,328
up onto those powerful arms,
249
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:10,532
and I saw all those
muscles rippling,
250
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:14,303
I thought, "Whoa.
That is no boy.
251
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,172
That's my man!"
252
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,074
(laughs)
253
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,209
Where are we
going? Going upstairs.
254
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,233
Upstairs?
255
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:30,219
Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.
256
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:32,221
OK. (laughs)
257
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:33,722
Let's go upstairs.
258
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,491
Tim? What is it?
259
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,248
(sighs)
260
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,819
Carry me. Huh?
261
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,622
(thud/Tim groans)
262
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:50,739
(groaning)
263
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:53,442
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
264
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,278
Honey, this isn't your fault.
265
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,302
It's not my fault. I
jumped into your arms.
266
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,951
OK, it was your fault.
267
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:05,288
What do you want me to do? Shall I
get you some ice? Ice would be good.
268
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:08,057
I'm no doctor, but I think
I pulled my groin muscle.
269
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,893
Oh, no. Mark, have
you seen the ice pack?
270
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,929
It's in the garage. I'll get it.
271
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,764
What is it doing in the garage?
272
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:19,523
Brad made a parachute
for Mrs. Thompson's cat.
273
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,139
What?
274
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,997
It didn't work.
275
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:29,745
Why do you need an ice pack?
276
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,780
Well, Daddy hurt himself.
277
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:35,184
You mean he told you
about his man pain?
278
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,620
His "man pain"? What
man pain would that be?
279
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:42,124
It's the pain I'm not
supposed to tell you about.
280
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:45,194
Oh, I already know about that.
281
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,753
You know he hurt
his favorite muscle?
282
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,335
Sure.
283
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:54,337
I just don't know how he did it.
284
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:56,005
How did he do that?
285
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,240
Carrying the trunk.
286
00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:01,043
Oh, right. Carrying the trunk.
287
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,711
Is Daddy going to be OK?
288
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,047
Oh, yeah. Daddy's gonna be fine.
289
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,538
Mommy's gonna take
good care of Daddy.
290
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:14,056
Oh, honey, I
just... I feel so bad.
291
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,658
You know, I never realized
292
00:15:16,682 --> 00:15:19,561
that I weigh so much
more than that trunk.
293
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:23,305
Honey, that trunk didn't
give birth to three kids.
294
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,405
That's right.
295
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,908
I think you maybe hurt
me worse than I thought.
296
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:34,810
Probably be a good idea if I sat on
the couch all week and watched football.
297
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,445
I'd feel better, I think.
298
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:39,949
Well, that's a good idea.
Oh, and you know what else?
299
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,951
I could get you a little bell,
300
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,287
and you could ring it
whenever you need me.
301
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:46,789
That's silly. If I
need you, I'll just yell.
302
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:50,159
Oh, good idea. Here's your ice.
303
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:53,117
Aah! Aah!
304
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,765
Well, pookums,
305
00:15:56,789 --> 00:15:59,568
did I hurt your man pain?
306
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,971
Mark, you squealer!
307
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,394
She tricked me!
308
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,611
Hi-de-ho, neighbor.
309
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,013
Hey, Wilson.
310
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:13,449
And what are you
doing over there?
311
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:17,153
Oh, I'm designing
a pulley system
312
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,655
to fly Randy for
his school play.
313
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,390
He's playing Peter Pan.
314
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,859
I notice you're hobbling,
there, Tim. Yeah.
315
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,695
I pulled my groin muscle
trying to lift this trunk for Jill.
316
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,265
Ouchihuahua.
317
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:32,268
Well, if you needed help,
why didn't you call me?
318
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,837
I wanted to show her
that I could do it myself.
319
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:36,905
Oh, I see.
320
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:40,542
After all this time, you still
want to impress your bride.
321
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,244
Yeah, that's kinda it.
322
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:45,348
You know, Jill and I have
been married for 13 years... 14.
323
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:48,017
14 years, you know, and...
324
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:51,053
I still try to show off
for her now and then.
325
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:55,057
I think what you did
had a certain... nobility.
326
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:57,994
You see, Tim, you
were being a peacock.
327
00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:02,064
Yeah. Oh. (grunts)
328
00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:04,500
That's good, huh? Oh, yes.
329
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:08,537
You were trying to impress your
peahen by displaying your plumage.
330
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:11,529
God, and I pulled the
heck out of my plumage.
331
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,676
Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
332
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,678
What's really
bothering you, Tim?
333
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:20,249
It's nothing. Well,
Wilson, I'm confused.
334
00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:22,251
I'm carrying this
trunk of books,
335
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,253
and I find out she
likes these books
336
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,255
about all these guys
with rippling muscles,
337
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,891
so I wanted to show
her my rippling muscles.
338
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:31,894
These guys end up carrying
women off upstairs to ecstasy,
339
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:34,563
and I pull a groin muscle.
340
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,666
Well, Tim, I think you've got
something over these young guys.
341
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:39,468
You do? Uh-huh.
342
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:42,471
Yes, it's best summed up in
an ancient Chinese proverb.
343
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:45,729
It goes... (speaking Chinese)
344
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,486
Wait, is that Peking dialect?
345
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,155
I am so sorry, Tim.
346
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,357
It may lose a bit
in the translation,
347
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,692
but it goes,
348
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:06,195
"A great lover is not
one who romances
349
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,264
a different woman every night."
350
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,598
(grunts)
351
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,600
"A great lover is one
352
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:15,337
who romances the same
woman for a lifetime."
353
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:18,740
That's something to
think about, isn't it?
354
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:21,299
Is there anything you
don't know, Wilson?
355
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,002
I don't know.
356
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:30,886
Pay attention, boys. I'll
show you how it's done.
357
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,354
Dad, when is the ice
cream truck coming?
358
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:33,589
How am I supposed to know?
359
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,458
See? I told you, stupid. Look.
360
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,926
Peter Pan is always
played by a woman.
361
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,996
No way. Look at the pictures.
362
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:43,732
"Mary Martin, Sandy Duncan."
363
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,501
Oh, no.
364
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,904
Dad, why isn't the ice cream
truck here? I don't know.
365
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,440
Dad, why didn't you
tell me it's a girl's part?
366
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,908
I can't do this.
367
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:55,511
No, no. We're Taylors.
We're not quitters.
368
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,914
And besides, just because a woman
does it doesn't mean a man can't do it.
369
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,716
It's time to reclaim Peter Pan.
370
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,718
Make him your kind of guy,
371
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,387
a guy that whittles, ice skates
and goes on his skateboard.
372
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:07,623
A man's man, a guy
with hairy chest. Ar-ar-ar.
373
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,192
Dad, is the ice cream
truck coming soon?
374
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:14,997
Would you forget about the ice
cream truck for a minute?! Ow. Ohh.
375
00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,499
Brad, let's start flying.
376
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,502
Pull the rope. Dad, there's
no way we can fly you.
377
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:22,304
Yes, there is a way you
can fly me. You know why?
378
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:25,107
Because I've got all these
pulleys counterweighted, OK?
379
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,476
This isn't just piano
wire. This is aircraft cable.
380
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,478
We could lift
Nana with this stuff.
381
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,780
Wow. You're darn right, "wow."
382
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:35,584
All right, fly me like an eagle.
Pull it up like I showed you.
383
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,086
No wonder men
don't play this part.
384
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,356
Guys, hold it. I don't
have it rigged right.
385
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,857
Whoa. No. Ohh.
386
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,826
Stop, please. Come on,
Dad. Think happy thoughts.
387
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,763
You're married.
You're out of the house.
388
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,931
Now, go on. Get back, get back.
389
00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,022
All right, now fly me. Go, go.
390
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,380
It's that simple.
391
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,582
(Jill) Tim, what are you doing?!
392
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,450
He's flying, Mom!
393
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:09,951
You crazy?
394
00:20:09,975 --> 00:20:12,854
Come on, guys. Fly me
up so I can see my peahen.
395
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:16,592
Mom, Dad called you a pea
brain! That's not what I said.
396
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,794
Come on, guys. All
together, pull me up there.
397
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,796
Mark, Randy, grab the rope.
398
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,432
(all shout)
399
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,334
(laughing)
400
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:28,204
What are you doing?
Just hear me out, hon.
401
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:30,506
Well, stop it. Get
down from there.
402
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,541
I just wanna explain
the groin thing.
403
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,043
You don't have to explain.
404
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,946
I'm sorry I put the
ice down your pants.
405
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,782
Don't be sorry about
that. It melted. It felt great.
406
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:42,784
Just get down. You
can come inside.
407
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:45,854
I was trying to impress you,
and you know what I thought?
408
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:49,191
I don't need a different Chinese
woman every night. What?
409
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:51,148
I just need you for
the rest of my life.
410
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:58,867
See, after 13 years
of marriage... 14.
411
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:01,903
14 years, I want you still
to be impressed with me.
412
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:03,772
I am impressed with you.
413
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,574
Come inside before
you hurt yourself.
414
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:09,099
I know what I'm
doing. I'm flying, honey!
415
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,384
That's backwards.
That's not easy.
416
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:18,954
I'm a peacock. I'm
spreading my wings for you.
417
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:22,725
Tim, peacocks can't fly.
418
00:21:22,749 --> 00:21:24,727
(♪ ice cream truck music)
(Mark) Ice cream truck's here!
419
00:21:24,751 --> 00:21:26,729
(Randy) Ice cream!
(Brad) All right!
420
00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:29,498
Hey, guys, don't let
go of that rope! Aah!
421
00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:30,755
(thud)
422
00:21:37,263 --> 00:21:40,276
Oh, I love that play so much.
423
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:42,711
I wanna be Peter
Pan when I grow up.
424
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:46,315
When you told the
audience to save Tinker Bell,
425
00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:48,617
I clapped so hard.
426
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:52,120
Randy, what'd I tell you? See all
those people looking up at you?
427
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,723
I saw Jennifer looking at me.
428
00:21:54,747 --> 00:21:58,026
She wanted to know
where you bought your tights.
429
00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,695
All right, all right.
430
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:01,530
You guys fly up to bed.
431
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:03,532
Don't forget to
brush your teeth.
432
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:04,833
(Randy) Night, Dad.
433
00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:05,901
(Jill and Tim) Good night.
434
00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:07,403
(Brad) Good night.
435
00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:08,704
Jill? Yeah?
436
00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:10,706
I feel better. Well,
that's good, honey.
437
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:13,542
Nah. I mean, I
feel a lot better.
438
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,811
(laughs) Oh.
439
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,314
OK, well, um, you
lock up down here,
440
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:21,317
and I'll go upstairs and
wait for Mr. Peacock.
441
00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:23,319
(muttering) Got the
bad arm and the bad leg.
442
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:24,986
Why don't I just lock up?
443
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:28,512
You can just walk upstairs
and wait for Mr. Peacock.
444
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:32,761
Oh, he left his hat down here.
445
00:22:32,785 --> 00:22:35,798
(spine cracks) Ohh!
446
00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:37,588
(groans)
447
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,691
Jill!
448
00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:44,795
Jill!
449
00:22:47,166 --> 00:22:49,233
(cheers and applause)
450
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:17,828
(men grunt)
450
00:23:18,305 --> 00:24:18,755
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