1
00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,447
Guys, what are you doing?
We're watching the game.
2
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:06,516
We're playing sumo wrestlers.
You can't be watching the game
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,751
and playing sumo
wrestlers at the same time.
4
00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:12,356
Yes, we can. We're gifted.
5
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,325
And I am so proud.
Now take it outside.
6
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:18,028
Come on, pass the ball,
pass the ball, pass the ball!
7
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:21,831
Yes! But not to the
other team, you idiot!
8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,034
Oh, come on. Not now, I'm
listening to the game. Come on.
9
00:00:24,058 --> 00:00:26,136
No. I want you to look at
some of this stuff. Oh, come on.
10
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,372
It's tied, and the Wolverines
need me. Please? Please?
11
00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,740
No, I need you. Come
on, you can miss an inning.
12
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,842
Inning?
13
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,578
Why do you always bug
me during the football game?
14
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:38,148
Did I bug you during childbirth?
15
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,205
No, but you bugged
me during conception.
16
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,686
There, see? It's a commercial.
17
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,722
You can talk to me. All right.
You got two minutes. Hurry up.
18
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,158
You know, these are
bits and pieces of wills
19
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:50,693
that we started
and never finished.
20
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,829
The will? That again?
Didn't we just do this?
21
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:56,053
Yeah, this is real recent. "In
the event that we have children."
22
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,504
You see, I think you're
avoiding this again.
23
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,972
Every time we go to make an appointment
with the lawyer, we end up canceling it,
24
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,875
usually because you come up
with some bizarre physical ailment.
25
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:09,312
Do not. Last time we didn't
go because your hair hurt.
26
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:12,649
It tightens up on me every
so often. Ooh, game's on.
27
00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,651
Tim, I'm gonna make an
appointment with the lawyer.
28
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,920
If you're even thinking about
getting sick, go see a doctor.
29
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:18,988
Honey, I'm healthy as a horse.
30
00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:21,691
Then see a veterinarian.
31
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,861
When was the last time that
you had a complete physical?
32
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:28,098
Honey, I... I go to
the doctor all the time.
33
00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:30,602
I'm not talking about
the emergency room.
34
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:38,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
35
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,622
What do you think? Could
we put the kids in the middle?
36
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,214
One,
37
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,449
two,
38
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:53,972
three.
39
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,389
Yes, it works. That was awesome.
40
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:02,492
I bet if we both jumped on it,
we could get twice the power.
41
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,093
Yeah.
42
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:06,729
What else can we
shoot across the yard?
43
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,420
Hi, guys.
44
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,257
Hey, Mark. Come here.
45
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,806
Have you ever played Rocket Man?
46
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,942
You wanna play
with me? Well, yeah.
47
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,678
And guess what. What?
48
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,580
You're gonna be
the rocket. Cool.
49
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,616
Now you just stand
there and wait.
50
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,919
And you might wanna put
your hands out like Superman.
51
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:33,089
Like this? Yeah, that's perfect.
52
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,891
One, two...
53
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,059
Wait! Hold it there!
54
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:39,128
But, Mom, I'm gonna fly.
55
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:41,398
This flight is grounded.
Mark, you go inside.
56
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,099
You two, you just stay
right where you are.
57
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,691
Don't even think about moving.
58
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:49,606
But, Mom, they
wanted to play with me.
59
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:53,476
Mark, when Brad and Randy say they
wanna play with you, always ask yourself,
60
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:56,913
"What do they want to do to me?"
61
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,015
OK. Hi, Dad.
62
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:02,652
Hello, my lucky little offspring
and my even luckier wife.
63
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,255
Well, you're in a zippy mood.
64
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:09,125
Well, I took your advice. Saw
Dr. Brody today, got a complete physical.
65
00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,793
Really?
66
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:15,398
He said I'm fitter
than a Greek god.
67
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,456
Just call me Baklava.
68
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,706
As a matter of fact,
he was so impressed,
69
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,941
he wanted to know if he
could frame my chest x-rays
70
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:28,010
and hang them in
the waiting room.
71
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,802
Good thing he's
not a proctologist.
72
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,585
What are you doing?
Working on the will.
73
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,920
I told you I was healthy.
We don't need to do this now.
74
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,624
You don't have to
do it. I'm doing it.
75
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:44,861
This first part is just about
listing your personal assets.
76
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:48,732
I'm not doing this. You don't
have to do it. I told you, I'm doing it.
77
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:52,835
"Upon your death, how and to whom do
you want your assets to be distributed?"
78
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,805
Why are we always talking about
my death? Let's talk about your death.
79
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:59,976
Statistics show it's much more
common for the man to die first.
80
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,560
Yeah? Well, look what
we have to live with.
81
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:09,452
And it's remarks like that
that lead to those early deaths.
82
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:13,089
Now, let me see... Tim's
tools... go to his brother Steve.
83
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,425
No. No, no! No! They
don't go to Steve. Don't...
84
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,460
I thought you
weren't participating.
85
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,797
I'm not participating. My tools are
mine. They don't go with anybody.
86
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,099
I want to be buried
with them. Oh, no.
87
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,836
You're not being buried.
I'm having you cremated.
88
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:30,807
No, you're not. Put me in some stupid urn
up here on the bookcase? Forget about it.
89
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,842
No, I'm not gonna do that.
90
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,186
I'm gonna put you in a
mayonnaise jar behind the wing nuts.
91
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,150
Rinse it out before
you pour me in it.
92
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,020
There is something that
we do have to talk about,
93
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,056
and that is who is gonna
get the kids if we both die.
94
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,425
Wedgie patrol!
95
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:51,761
Hey! Come on. No wedgie patrol.
96
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:56,199
Why wait till we're dead?
Won't somebody take them now?
97
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:59,502
No, really, I'm serious about
this. What about one of my sisters?
98
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,738
You know, Katie or
Robin would take them.
99
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,574
If we gotta give them away, give them
to my brother Jeff. The boys love Jeff.
100
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,409
Of course they do,
101
00:06:06,433 --> 00:06:09,245
he's the only human being who can
belch "The Star-Spangled Banner."
102
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,715
No, look. Let's just... We'll
just talk about this part later.
103
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:14,851
We'll go back to the other thing.
You know, we don't have to itemize.
104
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,986
It basically - it just says that
if I die, you get everything,
105
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,055
and if you die,
I get everything.
106
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,924
My stuff's so much
cooler than your stuff.
107
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,293
If you die, what
do I end up with?
108
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:27,163
That weird little pig oven
mitt and that blender.
109
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:30,333
If I die, you get the Binford
18-piece chisel and punch set.
110
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,669
Oh, well, now you see why
111
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,771
I'm so desperate to
get this down on paper.
112
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,673
But let's say I die
113
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,676
and you remarry a young stud named
Paco who's a bullfighter in Mexico.
114
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,710
Then what happens?
115
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,634
I learn Spanish.
116
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:49,719
Anyway, before we say goodbye, Al's got
a little project he'd like to talk about.
117
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,120
That's right, Tim.
118
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:54,357
I've recently bought land
up near Houghton Lake.
119
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:56,192
I'm building my own log cabin.
120
00:06:56,216 --> 00:07:00,864
(grunts/makes monkey noises)
121
00:07:00,888 --> 00:07:03,466
Log cabin. Oh, yeah, yeah.
122
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,535
A man, a log and his tools.
123
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,970
(grunts)
124
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:11,541
Al comes from pretty
hardy pioneer stock.
125
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,777
I do.
126
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:17,781
As a matter of fact, we have a picture
of the matriarch of the Borland clan -
127
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:20,305
Al's great-great-grandmother
- Sal Borland.
128
00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:24,921
(neighing)
129
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,978
(gunshot, then crash)
130
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,760
How long have you been
working on that cabin, Al?
131
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:34,831
About four and a
half months, Tim.
132
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:38,134
But that's only because I'm
doing it the old-fashioned way -
133
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,503
the sweat of my brow and an ax.
134
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,126
A pox on your ax, Al.
135
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:46,208
This is what you need, buddy.
136
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:48,166
(chainsaw motor runs)
137
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:54,484
You know, the Binford
8200. 82cc's, 42-inch pro bar,
138
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:57,053
silicone pistons,
steel bucking spike.
139
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:59,956
(makes monkey noises)
140
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,392
That's fine, Tim, but I'm trying to
build it the way my forefathers did.
141
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:06,062
But, Al, three out of four
fathers recommend this.
142
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,019
(chainsaw motor runs)
143
00:08:12,559 --> 00:08:16,539
I prefer the ax, Tim.
You power that yourself.
144
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:19,476
Fine. Build it the
wimpy way, Al.
145
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,511
But next time on Tool Time,
146
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:24,581
I'm gonna show everybody
just how to use the Binford 8200.
147
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,538
(chainsaw motor runs)
148
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:32,054
That way, you can
all learn how to build
149
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,090
your own log condominium.
150
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,960
Well, Tim, I think you should point
out that that particular chainsaw
151
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:39,195
is very powerful and
dangerous... (chainsaw motor)
152
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,097
and should not be...
(chainsaw motor runs)
153
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,866
should not be used without...
(chainsaw motor runs)
154
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:45,790
(chainsaw motor
switches on and off)
155
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:54,410
(chainsaw motor runs)
156
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,367
(chainsaw motor stops)
157
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:05,321
This particular chainsaw should not be
used without the assistance of a trained...
158
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,278
(chainsaw motor runs)
159
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:11,828
Do you guys know what a will is?
160
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:15,431
It's a paper that says who's
gonna get your stuff when you die.
161
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:18,968
Yeah, it's good to have
one in case we kill you.
162
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,270
Mom and Dad are making one now.
163
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:24,073
I get the hot rod. No way. Why?
164
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,943
'Cause I'm the oldest.
I get all the good stuff.
165
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,811
No, you don't. I want
the hot rod. Too bad.
166
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,114
Yeah, too bad, huh?
167
00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,372
Hey. Good leg sweep, Randy.
168
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,656
Who gets the hot
rod when you die?
169
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,825
When I die? That's all you're
worried about - who gets the hot rod?
170
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,316
Fine, forget the hot rod.
Who gets the stereo?
171
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:50,600
Why don't you let me worry about that,
and you worry about setting the table.
172
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:53,302
I'll figure out my will myself.
173
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,259
(quacking noise)
174
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,741
Is that you, Wilson?
175
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,509
Yes, indeedy, good neighbor.
176
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,646
Actually, what you heard
was Anas platyrhynchos,
177
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:06,583
more commonly
known as the mallard.
178
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:10,453
Wilson, Jill and I are working on
our will, and it's really getting to me.
179
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,221
Actually, Tim,
180
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,523
it's quite appropriate that
you're contemplating death.
181
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,793
Yeah, why's that?
182
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,696
Well, you see, when you rearrange
the letters of your name, Tim Taylor,
183
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,631
it spells the word "mortality."
184
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:24,366
Oh, I hate to hear
stuff like that, Wilson.
185
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:26,435
Does that disturb you, Tim?
186
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,772
Not as much as the
fact that you know that.
187
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:33,977
Now, Jill Taylor, on the
other hand, would be...
188
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,634
"jolly trail."
189
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,017
There's been no
jolly trail over here.
190
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,052
We've been arguing
about that will.
191
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,054
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
192
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,422
I hate wills.
193
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,492
I wonder who started them.
Where'd they come from?
194
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:52,228
Well, Tim, I'm sure you could trace
it back to some chiseled drawing
195
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:55,898
on the cave wall of
Cro-Magnon man.
196
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:58,868
Ting, ting, ting,
ting, ting, ting.
197
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:02,338
I, Grog - ting,
ting, ting, ting, ting -
198
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,708
leave my wheel -
ting, ting, ting, ting -
199
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:08,911
to Grog Jr. - ting, ting.
200
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:12,749
To my loving wife -
ting, ting, ting, ting -
201
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:15,317
whose shrill cry
scares the mastodon -
202
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,854
ting, ting, ting, ting -
203
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:20,045
I leave this stick.
204
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,262
You see, Tim, wills are
the natural outgrowth
205
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,364
of our mortality consciousness.
206
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,133
Huh?
207
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,869
I'm saying the human being is
the only animal from an early age
208
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:36,639
that realizes that
it's going to die.
209
00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:39,676
It may know it's going to
die, but it doesn't know when.
210
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:44,113
Oh, I wouldn't worry, neighbor. You
probably have 50 more good years.
211
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,137
Or I could die tomorrow.
212
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,442
(quacking noise)
213
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:05,001
Honey, what are you doing?
214
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,335
I'm working on my hot rod.
215
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,171
It's 4:30.
216
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,640
I wanted to get an early start
on it today. Did I wake you up?
217
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,632
No. I'm starting my
paper route this morning.
218
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,382
I'm sorry.
219
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:23,652
Are you thinking
about the will? No.
220
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,756
Well, I have been.
221
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,058
I've decided that you're right.
222
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,228
Maybe we should let your brother
Jeff have the kids. They love him.
223
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:36,866
No. Jeff doesn't know how
to raise kids. He's demented.
224
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,991
He used to put honey on my butt
and make me sit in red ant piles.
225
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:46,976
I thought that you said that
that was who you wanted.
226
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,078
Well, I changed my mind.
227
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,646
Then who do you want?
228
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,481
I don't want anyone.
229
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,051
Tim, what is bothering you?
230
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,620
Nothing is bothering me.
Come on, there's something.
231
00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,156
Is it anything to
do with your dad?
232
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:03,192
No. It has nothing to do with my dad.
I just don't think anybody's qualified
233
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,927
to take care of the boys.
234
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,930
I guess you and
I just can't die.
235
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:11,000
You don't think you're
being a little irrational?
236
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:15,938
Easy for you to say.
You're "jolly trail." What?
237
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:18,374
See, I'm not being irrational.
I just know too much.
238
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:22,078
If I were an animal, I
would be unconscious.
239
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,269
Think about that.
240
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:32,221
Thank you.
241
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,223
Welcome to Tool Time.
242
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,724
I'm Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor,
243
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:39,328
and you all know Al, the
great-great-grandson of Sal Borland.
244
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,385
(loud cheering)
245
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:50,973
Al, you perchance have some
friends in the audience today?
246
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,675
More than friends, Tim.
247
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,911
I'd like to introduce a
group that I inspired.
248
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,302
People without personalities.
249
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,616
No, Tim.
250
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,852
I'd like to introduce a group
that's in our studio audience today,
251
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:05,509
the Al Borland Fan Club.
252
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,681
Welcome, members of ABFC.
253
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,430
Al, do you call it a club
254
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,534
'cause you've gotta beat these
guys over the head to get them to join?
255
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,726
(all) I don't think so, Tim.
256
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:29,411
Well, since your
fan club's here,
257
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:32,915
why don't I let you introduce
the project for today, Al?
258
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:39,421
Today, Tim will be demonstrating
log cutting with the Binford 8200.
259
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:42,791
And to help him out, we have a
couple of lumberjacks with us today -
260
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,416
Red Jenkins and Phil Gaxton.
261
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,066
This way.
262
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,667
Thanks, men.
263
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:52,701
Here you go, Al.
264
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,926
Thanks for the buttons.
265
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,976
Golly, it's a lot bigger
266
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,411
than it looks in
the picture, isn't it?
267
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,481
Hope you have life insurance.
268
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,384
They don't call it "The
Widow Maker" for nothing.
269
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,254
W-W-Widow Maker?
270
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:14,556
That's right. But I'm sure
you'll do all right, Tim.
271
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,193
Al, this would be the
perfect project for you.
272
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,582
Tim, it's your show.
273
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:24,367
I wonder if your fans would like to
see you take the reins of this bad boy.
274
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,391
What about it, Al pals? Ha-ha!
275
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:33,398
You see, Tim, an Al pal's
first duty is to watch out for Al.
276
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:39,882
And it's my first duty
277
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,386
to fire you for not
doing what I say, Al.
278
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:47,523
Red, Phil, why don't
you bring out Al's log?
279
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:48,991
Here's a lesson for
you kids at home.
280
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:52,295
Always have your coworker
do the dangerous stunts.
281
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,063
Sure, the girls are
gonna think he's cooler,
282
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:58,634
but you'll get the girl in the
end because you survived.
283
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,658
Remember, safety first.
284
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,873
You've seen it cut through wood,
285
00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,909
you've seen it cut
through concrete,
286
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,377
but that's not all.
287
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,845
The Kasaki steak knife
288
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,613
will also cut through this
two-inch exhaust pipe...
289
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,571
Oh.
290
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,920
Uh-huh. OK. I found it.
291
00:16:17,944 --> 00:16:22,024
Expiration is 7/93.
292
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:24,293
Right. I want the
whole Kasaki set.
293
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,997
The super set, right. I get
the leather pouch, right?
294
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:30,632
Oh, that just looks
like leather? Oh.
295
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,701
All right, but I
ordered a whole set,
296
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,870
so I get that titanium
cheese slicer, too, right?
297
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,005
Great. Thank you.
298
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,174
Hey.
299
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,708
What are you
doing up, little man?
300
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,178
It's 3:00 in the morning.
301
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,479
Can't sleep?
302
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,848
What's the matter?
303
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,717
Dad, are you gonna die?
304
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:52,955
Not till I've paid
for these knives.
305
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,191
Come over here. What's
the matter with you?
306
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,793
You told Wilson
you're going to die.
307
00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:58,861
You heard that?
308
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,997
I was in the tree.
309
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,732
Well, I didn't mean I
was gonna die now.
310
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,468
I'm gonna live for
a long, long time.
311
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:08,159
But your dad died
when you were a kid.
312
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:13,009
That doesn't mean anything's
gonna happen to me.
313
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,866
But what if it does?
314
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:20,516
Well, I'll find somebody
really cool to take care of you.
315
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,306
Like Al?
316
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,713
He'll assist that person.
317
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:35,331
If you're not gonna die,
why do you need a will?
318
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:36,532
'Cause, uh...
319
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,635
Honey? That's just something
320
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:43,406
that every responsible
adult has to do.
321
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,841
That's what I was gonna say.
322
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:47,543
You don't have to
worry about that stuff.
323
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:51,980
No, you only have to
worry about vegetables
324
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:55,017
and cleaning up your own room
325
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:57,219
and making sure your brothers
326
00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:01,223
don't rocket you over the house.
327
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,991
Besides, you don't
have to worry about that.
328
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:05,535
Just know that your
mom and I... Shh.
329
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:21,477
So I guess you're not the only one
that's been losing sleep over this.
330
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:24,947
Yeah, but he gets to ask
questions. I gotta answer them.
331
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,305
Guess that makes you the dad.
332
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,076
Are you OK? Yeah.
333
00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:35,791
What are you thinking about?
334
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,182
The car.
335
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,567
Hot rod?
336
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:48,104
A 1957 Ford
Fairlane 500 Skyliner.
337
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:51,895
It was two-tone - deep
emerald green and ivory.
338
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:56,745
Why are you thinking about that?
339
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:57,813
Uh...
340
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,182
That was the...
341
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:03,152
That was the car that
Dad and my brothers,
342
00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:06,155
we used to goof around
with on Saturdays.
343
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,090
And, God, it was...
344
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,759
It was a hardtop convertible. Those
are tough to get. You can't find them.
345
00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,761
Boy, that was a great car.
346
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,745
You know, and then,
you know, he died.
347
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,070
Uncle Harry took
the car, and he sold it.
348
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,072
We never seen it again.
349
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:27,632
And that was the best thing I
ever remember about my dad.
350
00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:31,480
Honey,
351
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,883
isn't that the perfect
reason for you to sign a will?
352
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:38,320
Well, that would be
the perfect reason, sure.
353
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:41,457
Then why don't you sign it?
354
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,126
Dad was, uh...
355
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:48,030
only three years older
than I am now when he died.
356
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:51,333
And he had all boys,
and I have all boys.
357
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:56,104
And he, you know, he built
a Ford in the garage, and...
358
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:57,640
I got a Ford in the garage,
359
00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:00,108
and I don't want my kids
growing up without their dad,
360
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:03,132
and I kinda figure that if I sign
that will, it means I'm gonna die.
361
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,437
But you know that's not true.
362
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,089
Besides, there's...
363
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:17,393
there's one big difference
between you and your father.
364
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,661
What's that?
365
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,651
His car worked.
366
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,035
I miss my dad an
awful lot, honey.
367
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,339
I know, I know.
368
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,145
Wanna go upstairs
and go to bed? All right.
369
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,781
Gonna be awful tired tomorrow.
370
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,384
Can you carry Mark up? Sure.
371
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,342
OK.
372
00:21:06,132 --> 00:21:08,244
Oh, like that's believable -
373
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:11,847
a steak knife that could
cut through a tree trunk.
374
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,583
What kinds of idiots
call up these shows
375
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,918
in the middle of the
night and order this junk?
376
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,109
Huh. It takes all kinds, honey.
377
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,964
Mom?
378
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,533
Will you give my
will to the lawyer?
379
00:21:31,557 --> 00:21:35,137
You made a will? That
is so responsible of you.
380
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:36,372
Let's see. "I give
my piggy bank,
381
00:21:36,396 --> 00:21:39,341
"my Rollerblades,
and all my toys to Mom,
382
00:21:39,365 --> 00:21:43,646
"except my G.I. Joe that
Brad pulled the head off.
383
00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:46,504
I leave that to Randy 'cause I
think he knows where the head is."
384
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:52,242
Maybe we can take care
of that while you're still alive.
385
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:55,324
He gave everything to you?
386
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:59,395
Yep, just like you.
387
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:02,230
You know, honey,
I've been thinking.
388
00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:06,001
If I die first, I want
you to remarry.
389
00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:07,836
Thanks.
390
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:08,937
Would you?
391
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:12,574
You just said I could.
392
00:22:12,598 --> 00:22:15,477
Yeah, I know, but would you?
393
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,646
Uh, are you sure you're dead?
394
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,315
Yeah.
395
00:22:19,339 --> 00:22:21,138
How long? Years.
396
00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:24,586
OK, I'd remarry.
397
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:27,055
What kind of woman would it be?
398
00:22:27,079 --> 00:22:32,060
Well, I guess I'd look for
a woman that was alive.
399
00:22:32,084 --> 00:22:35,197
That would make it
easier to get the blood test.
400
00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:36,732
Maybe I'd...
401
00:22:36,756 --> 00:22:39,435
Well, I'd want someone
who's a good mom,
402
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:42,471
sensitive and caring,
403
00:22:42,495 --> 00:22:45,006
good sense of humor, and loving.
404
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,175
You know, because I'd
like my second marriage
405
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:49,166
to be a lot better
than this one.
406
00:22:55,842 --> 00:22:58,308
I'll haunt you.
407
00:23:02,014 --> 00:23:03,859
The Binford 8200.
408
00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:05,927
Huh? 42-inch pro bar,
409
00:23:05,951 --> 00:23:07,696
silicone pistons.
410
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,521
Huh? Steel something or other.
411
00:23:13,259 --> 00:23:15,537
And should not be...
(chainsaw motor runs)
412
00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:17,673
should not be used without...
(chainsaw motor runs)
413
00:23:17,697 --> 00:23:19,577
(chainsaw motor
turns on and off)
413
00:23:20,305 --> 00:24:20,410
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