1
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:09,386
Oh, boys, come on.
What are you doing?
2
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:11,554
This is our one
morning to sleep in.
3
00:00:11,578 --> 00:00:16,293
Whoa, you guys really
look nasty in the morning.
4
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:18,161
Did you look this
bad when you met?
5
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,698
Your mom did.
6
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:25,435
Tim, please. It smells
like a sea bass died.
7
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,138
(hisses)
8
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,207
What are you guys doing
banging around down here?
9
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:33,877
We made you a special
breakfast. Sit down.
10
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:36,513
What did you do? Nothing.
11
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,416
Come on, what did you
guys break? Nothing.
12
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,952
Whose cat did you
shave? No one's.
13
00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:46,289
Mom, this is yours.
Dad, this one's yours.
14
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,391
It is, huh?
15
00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:48,925
Does this have anything
to do with me putting
16
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,994
that Tabasco sauce
in your ice cream?
17
00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:54,153
Of course not, Father.
18
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:58,235
I enjoyed that prank.
19
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:00,837
So did I. It was cool. Oh, boy.
20
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,273
Oh, Mrs. Boucher's
dog. Get out of the yard!
21
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,742
Come on! Get out of
there, you stupid dog!
22
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:09,646
Ha-ha! Oh, go on now! I
don't see any dog out there.
23
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,681
Oh, he slipped right
through the bushes there.
24
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:14,184
Well, let's dig in.
25
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:17,076
Mom, allow me.
26
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,547
Go ahead, honey.
27
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:29,074
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
28
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:32,102
They're delicious. They are?
29
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:33,836
They're really good. Cool.
30
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:36,562
You should try it.
Yeah, Dad. Dig in.
31
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:57,848
(Jill) Well, what do you think?
Could we put the kids in the middle?
32
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,959
Hi, Mom. Hey, Mom.
33
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,694
Hi, guys. How was school?
34
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:08,265
Great. They announced that
summer vacation begins in February.
35
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:11,868
Yeah, and no one ever has
to do homework ever again.
36
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:15,572
That's nice. What else?
37
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,608
Randy's gonna be in
a talent show. Shut up.
38
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,044
You're gonna be in a
talent show? That's so cool!
39
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,546
What are you gonna do?
You gonna, sing, tap-dance?
40
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:23,813
Do you need my help?
41
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,650
No. I'm gonna be
doing a ventriloquist act.
42
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:29,886
I love ventriloquists!
43
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:33,790
When I was growing up, I used to
watch them all the time on Ed Sullivan.
44
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,059
Who?
45
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:39,596
Never mind. You're gonna
look so cute holding a dummy.
46
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:43,766
He finally gets to work
with somebody his own size.
47
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:47,470
Yeah, and somebody with your IQ.
48
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:50,873
Randy, you don't know anything
about being a ventriloquist.
49
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,209
I'll read about it.
50
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:54,877
You see, Brad, the library
has these new things.
51
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,547
They're called books.
52
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:01,050
They're like comics, but
they don't have pictures.
53
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,186
Hey, come on, guys. Cut it out.
54
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,888
Randy, I'm really proud of
you. You're trying a new thing.
55
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,123
This is great.
56
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,659
Honey, I'm home!
57
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,794
You are so weird. Thanks.
58
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:14,731
Hey, guys. What's up?
59
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:18,401
Randy's doing a
ventriloquist act at school.
60
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,670
Great. Where are you
gonna get the dummy?
61
00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,206
Uh-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu.
62
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,141
Can I carve you one?
63
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:27,577
I could make you a lifelike little
friend out of 100% American pine.
64
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,745
You could?
65
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,247
Yeah. You've seen what
I can do with my hands.
66
00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:33,739
Yeah, but I don't want you
to make the dummy explode.
67
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:37,053
Do you want me to
carve it for you or not?
68
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,121
Yeah. Cool.
69
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,890
Thanks, Dad. Let's do it.
70
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:43,960
What's all this? A
compatibility test.
71
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,696
A compatibility test. Yes.
72
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,767
It's so women can tell if they're
in a relationship with the right man.
73
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:54,638
It's for the special Valentine's
issue of next month's magazine.
74
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:56,506
"How does your mate rate?"
75
00:04:56,530 --> 00:05:00,042
How do you rate a guy
who's already an ace?
76
00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:02,668
I think you mispronounced that.
77
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,551
Don't worry, honey -
you did great on the test.
78
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:11,921
I didn't take this test yet. I
know. Men don't take the test.
79
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:14,291
Women take the test for the men.
80
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:16,959
So you think up the test, and then
you answer your own questions.
81
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,095
Very fair. Thank you.
82
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:20,597
Who thought of this?
83
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:23,700
Me and about five other people.
84
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,502
Were there any men
involved in this group?
85
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:30,807
No. But Arlene and Vickie
have very strong masculine sides.
86
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,576
A little quiz for women to show
how stupid their husbands are.
87
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,211
No, it's fun.
88
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:39,148
You get points, you know,
for all the different answers.
89
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:43,085
You could rate anywhere
from "knight in shining armor"
90
00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:44,854
to "Neanderthal."
91
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,823
Well, you took it
for me. How'd I do?
92
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:50,026
98. (grunting) Yeah!
93
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,850
Out of 300.
94
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,800
OK.
95
00:05:56,824 --> 00:06:00,136
"If your husband were something you'd
find in the kitchen, what would he be?"
96
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,205
Oh, that's deep.
Oh, yeah, that's deep.
97
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,941
I think you'll find this
very insightful, Tim.
98
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:08,411
"A: an oven - warm and
self-cleaning." Not me.
99
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:13,850
"B: a garbage disposal -
grating and eats anything."
100
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,941
"C: a refrigerator - very
cold and the light's never on."
101
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:23,326
These are stupid. Well, come on!
102
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:26,529
You haven't read the one
I picked for you. Read D.
103
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:31,423
"D: a tea kettle - hot and
steamy, done in two minutes."
104
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,309
Like I'm a tea kettle.
105
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,568
Well, honey, you do
whistle when you're done.
106
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,255
One layer at a time there.
107
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,457
Good.
108
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:59,362
Al has been showing us some real
craftsmanship on this wood lathe today.
109
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:01,798
Al, do you suppose if you
couldn't pay for this all at once,
110
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:06,403
you'd have to put
it on "lathe away"?
111
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:09,906
I don't think so, Tim.
112
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,208
Anyway, a lathe is a
very amazing machine.
113
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,010
You can turn out all sorts
of interesting products,
114
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,446
from table legs
to baseball bats,
115
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:19,148
just like this beautiful American
ash bat we made today.
116
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,651
Boy, I love baseball. As a
kid, I used to love playing it.
117
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:24,086
Klaus, let's have some
ambient baseball noise.
118
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:27,646
(crowd chatter/organ)
119
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,464
(bat cracking/crowd cheers)
120
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:53,215
Right over the wall,
Al. A tape-measure job.
121
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,251
Here, take a swing,
buddy. Come on!
122
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:57,976
Come on. Come on, buddy.
123
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,262
Come on, buddy. Keep
your eye on the ball, buddy.
124
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,765
(sound of baseball
hitting glove)
125
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,500
(audience jeers)
126
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,336
Strike, Al. Those high
hard ones are tough.
127
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,159
Take another shot.
Come on. Come on.
128
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,346
(baseball hitting glove)
129
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,381
Two strikes on you. Don't
worry about it, buddy. You're it.
130
00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:26,916
Come on, Al.
131
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:27,917
(baseball whizzes
by/ hits glove)
132
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:32,555
All right, Al, you
are out of here!
133
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,846
Maybe I can salvage this.
134
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:40,229
(bat hits baseball/
crowd cheers)
135
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:42,253
Ground rule double, buddy.
136
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,935
Well, enough foolishness though.
137
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,671
But with a lathe, you
can build your own bat.
138
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,508
Yes, and tailor it to
your own individual grip.
139
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,944
That way you know that you
and the bat are compatible,
140
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:58,982
unlike a woman, who has to
take a quiz out of a magazine
141
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,350
to figure out who
she's compatible with.
142
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,587
(feminine voice) "If
my husband was a pie,
143
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:07,790
what kind of pie would he be?"
144
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:11,528
I'm not a pie! Men aren't
pies! Are you a pie, Al?
145
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,718
Well, I'm a Pisces.
146
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:20,670
Thank you, Al. You men know
what I'm talking about. I'm right.
147
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:23,506
We don't have to go through
a quiz to figure out who we like.
148
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,375
We see a woman. We go,
"Do I wanna take a bath with her
149
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,811
or introduce her to my sister?"
150
00:09:28,835 --> 00:09:32,148
That's "Tim Taylor, care of
Tool Time, PO Box 32733..."
151
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,316
Give it a rest, Al.
Al, give it a rest.
152
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:35,852
Can we get back to our project?
153
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,820
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.
154
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:40,523
I don't think we have enough time,
actually, to turn this leg for them.
155
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:43,125
Why don't you just show them
the leg you turned earlier today?
156
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:47,396
This is a beautiful example that Al
turned today out of maple. I love it.
157
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,632
But Al's not the only one
that can turn a leg, though.
158
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:53,257
Earlier, I made this leg
out of a perfect piece of ash.
159
00:09:56,697 --> 00:10:00,409
She sells, sea shells,
down by the seashore.
160
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,112
I saw your lips
move. Hey, shut up.
161
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,247
They moved again.
162
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:08,051
How's it going? He stinks.
163
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,919
Mark, we're a family.
We support each other.
164
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,420
Your brother doesn't stink.
165
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,822
Yes, I do.
166
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:15,124
Told you.
167
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,726
You can see my lips move.
168
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,895
Honey, don't be
so hard on yourself.
169
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,263
Edgar Bergen didn't
learn this in a day.
170
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,532
(both) Who?
171
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,635
Just keep practicing.
172
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:28,972
Tim, where have
you been? You're late.
173
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:31,874
Hi, honey. I was doing
some important research.
174
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,576
Oh, really? Yeah.
175
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,712
I don't think it's fair
176
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,947
that women make up all
these quizzes about men.
177
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:40,883
So I made up this
little quiz about women.
178
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:43,385
Like my "how does
your mate rate" test?
179
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:48,424
Yeah, I'm gonna call it, "Is your life more
rife with strife because of your wife?"
180
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:51,027
What scientific mind
came up with this one?
181
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,829
Me and a couple of the
guys at work. You know,
182
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,531
Howe, Leroy, Moose.
183
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,600
Moose? Isn't he
that crane operator
184
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,169
who rides a motorcycle and
has, like, a tattoo on his shoulder?
185
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:03,561
Yes, but he has some
very strong feminine sides.
186
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,076
Now we came up
with a rating system.
187
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:13,415
It goes from cavewoman
to Bambi the love goddess.
188
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,317
"Bambi the love goddess"?
189
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:20,023
I take it there aren't any
math questions on this quiz.
190
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:22,058
You got that right. (laughs)
191
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,426
All right. "Does your wife
nag you more or less than
192
00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:26,963
six times during
a football game?"
193
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,698
More.
194
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,499
I never nag you during a
football game. Hey, hey, hey.
195
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,902
I'm taking this for you, OK?
196
00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:35,138
"How many times has your
wife nagged you during this quiz?"
197
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,205
Oh, this is so stupid.
198
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,942
Well, that'd be two
times right there.
199
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,145
Now the scientific part.
200
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:45,748
"If your wife were a piece of hockey
equipment, what would she be?"
201
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:47,717
Let me see that!
202
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:52,955
(laughing) "If your wife were a piece
of hockey equipment, would she be?
203
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:57,760
"A: a goalie mask -
wiry and closed off.
204
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:59,996
"B: a stick -
205
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:03,287
"long, rigid and
likes to hit things.
206
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,669
"C: elbow pads -
207
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:10,873
soft, flexible, and a
good housekeeper"?
208
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:14,177
What does housekeeping
have to do with elbow pads?
209
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,900
Takes care of the joint.
210
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,352
This is great.
You're so pathetic.
211
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,755
Read the next one.
"D: a jock strap -
212
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:29,714
gets in the way a lot,
but basically supportive."
213
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:38,034
And you fell right in-between
elbow pads and a jock strap.
214
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,203
Well, thank you so
much. I'm so honored.
215
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:45,041
(sighs) I'm sorry, punkster, but
that's the best you did, right there.
216
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:48,544
According to my little quiz here,
you and I are just not compatible.
217
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:51,881
Well, I don't need a test
to tell me that. How'd I do?
218
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:54,050
88. Out of what?
219
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:56,007
Seven million.
220
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:02,458
So I guess I'm not Bambi
the love goddess, huh?
221
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,593
Actually, you'll
need ten more points
222
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,585
to catch up to Tina
the inflatable party doll.
223
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:15,037
OK, it says in order to pronounce
the letter V without moving your lips,
224
00:13:15,061 --> 00:13:19,675
make a gentle cough
followed by a soft G.
225
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:23,034
Uh, try to say,
"Hi, Aunt Vivian."
226
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,949
Hi, Aunt...
227
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,218
(coughs) ...G-i...
228
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,387
(coughs) ...ian.
229
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,922
Very good.
230
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,124
See, Mom? I can't do this.
231
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,860
Besides, I feel like an
idiot talking to a hanger.
232
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,395
Well, you shouldn't
think of it as a hanger.
233
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,531
You should think of it
as a real living person.
234
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,900
We should give it a name.
235
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:47,303
How about Hanger?
236
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,972
Mom, a hanger can't have a
name. Yes it can. Yes, it can.
237
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,440
Here, let me try this.
238
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:54,410
OK, we're gonna
call this guy... Spanky.
239
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,879
How are you doing, Spanky?
240
00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:58,614
Not bad.
241
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,482
What's your favorite
nursery rhyme?
242
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:04,309
♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪
243
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,859
That was great, Mom.
Harry had a little ham.
244
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,261
OK, wise guy,
245
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,931
you go up and work on this or
you're not gonna get any dinner.
246
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,633
Why, what are we
having? Heat Loaf?
247
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:21,570
Tim, Tim. On your way to work
will you pick up this dry cleaning?
248
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:24,406
Yep. Thank you.
249
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,375
Oh, uh... by the way,
250
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,077
the other day when I was
talking about being incompatible,
251
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,646
you know I was just
joking around. Good.
252
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:34,283
You were kidding,
too, weren't you?
253
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,319
No.
254
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:40,256
But you're kidding now?
255
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,758
No.
256
00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,593
Well, if we're so incompatible,
257
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,129
how is it we got
along for 14 years?
258
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:51,367
Well, I'm an exceptional woman
and I make all the compromises.
259
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,971
Back the marriage
carriage up here a little bit.
260
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,372
You make all the compromises.
261
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,141
Yeah. We always do what
you wanna do. No we don't.
262
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:02,678
Yeah. I went to that
truck-pushing thing with you.
263
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:06,015
Truck-pulling. Pull. Whatever.
264
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,783
I go to the opera with you.
265
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,286
Once. I've been to
three Rambo movies.
266
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:12,554
When was the last time
you took me to foreign film?
267
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:17,493
Didn't we just see Le Robocop?
268
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:21,663
I let you hang that
ugly picture up there.
269
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:24,566
Ugly? That's the
Monterey Grand Prix '64.
270
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,402
It's one of a kind.
That's worth some coin.
271
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,872
Good, then sell it. You
can hang up the quarter.
272
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:33,642
Oh! I let you put percale
sheets up in the bedroom.
273
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,578
I wanted "Heroes of the NFL."
274
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:41,750
Like I want to sleep for the
rest of my life on Dick Butkus.
275
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:45,154
Think about it.
276
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:48,624
We haven't even talked about the
biggest compromise of all, the kids.
277
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,326
How are the boys a compromise?
278
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:54,285
I wanted girls, you wanted
boys. I gave you boys.
279
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:01,037
Yo, Wilson, you over
there? Right here, Tim.
280
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,039
Have you finished painting
that dummy for Randy yet?
281
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,473
Hm-hm, almost. I must say
282
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:08,177
you did a wonderful job of
carving it. Thanks, buddy.
283
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:11,213
Oh, I've always been a
big fan of ventriloquism.
284
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:15,617
A noble art from the Latin
words Venter and loqui.
285
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,486
Meaning to speak from the belly.
286
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:21,424
I do that after I
eat Mexican food.
287
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,426
Mm-hm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
288
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:27,063
Mind if I ask you something?
Throw your voice, good neighbor.
289
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:30,833
Jill's taken this stupid test
that says we're not compatible.
290
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,534
I know we love
each other. Mm-hm.
291
00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:35,071
I just wonder how we stay
together if were so different.
292
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:38,707
Well, Tim, much of it has to
do with the unity of opposites,
293
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,809
the yin and the yang.
294
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:44,280
Those two pandas at
the Washington Zoo?
295
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:48,617
Oh, no, Tim, that would be
Ling Ling and Hsing Hsing.
296
00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,586
(sing-song voice)
Oh, Hsing Hsing... Yes.
297
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:54,357
What I'm talking about is
the paradox of a relationship,
298
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:57,893
and a paradox is not
necessarily a bad thing.
299
00:16:57,917 --> 00:17:01,397
A paradox is not
necessarily a bad thing.
300
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:04,266
Mm-hm. There you go, neighbor.
A paradox creates tension
301
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,735
and tension is energy
and energy is a force
302
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,037
and we all live in this force
303
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:11,474
and that's the
excitement of life and love.
304
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:14,176
Are you with me,
Tim? You're saying...
305
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,113
a paradox is not
necessarily a bad thing.
306
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:23,052
Mm-hm. Tim I believe it
was André Maurois who said
307
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,354
that a successful
marriage is an edifice
308
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,523
that must be rebuilt everyday.
309
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:31,060
And I like rebuilding, boy.
Hammer, hammer, saw, hammer...
310
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,129
That's because you
have an edifice complex.
311
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:37,466
(Wilson laughs) Oh, my gosh, I
do crack myself up sometimes.
312
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:43,305
But I think what Maurois was trying
to say is that there is a deep chasm
313
00:17:43,329 --> 00:17:45,174
between man and woman.
314
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:48,977
And everyday we must build a
bridge and cross over to the other side.
315
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,013
But wouldn't that put Jill on
my side and me on her side?
316
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:53,049
No, no, no, Tim. In a
successful marriage,
317
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,973
man and woman will
meet in the middle.
318
00:18:01,047 --> 00:18:03,592
Hi, Randy. Hi, Mom.
319
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,061
What's wrong?
320
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:09,765
Well, the principal asked
me to do some ventriloquism.
321
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,233
I tried to say,
"Hi, Aunt Vivian,"
322
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,469
and I coughed in her face.
323
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:17,706
Hi, honey. Hey, Randy.
Don't look. Don't look.
324
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,575
I finished your dummy.
325
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,445
And I think you're gonna find this
is the handsomest dummy ever.
326
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,746
You guys ready?
327
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:28,217
Ta-da!
328
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,541
Whoa!
329
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:38,994
Wow, that's great,
Dad! This is so amazing!
330
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,230
Gosh, it's so real!
331
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,087
It's hard to tell who is who.
332
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:50,005
Aah! Isn't it cool?
333
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:54,009
Wow, that's great, Dad. But
I'm not a very good ventriloquist.
334
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:56,212
My lips keep moving.
335
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:58,147
That's why I designed
it this way. Watch.
336
00:18:58,171 --> 00:19:00,149
Your lips don't have to move.
337
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:04,987
OK, Tim Jr. Look
over at me. Thank you.
338
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,955
How do you feel
about that more power?
339
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:11,693
(inquisitive grunting)
340
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:14,752
(continues grunting)
341
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:25,474
Cool. I can do
that. I know you can.
342
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,843
Try to work it out
upstairs, all right?
343
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,346
In front of that big mirror on
your door. OK. Thanks, Dad.
344
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,781
You bet, buddy. Tim,
you outdid yourself.
345
00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,116
Sometimes I do that.
346
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,785
Listen, I got us some
videos and some pizza.
347
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,321
Whoa, Whoa, before you
do that... I've been thinking.
348
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,524
What was the occasion?
349
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:45,327
I think we're compatible, even
though you like percale sheets
350
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,652
and I want to sleep
with Dick Butkus.
351
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:54,403
Why are we compatible?
Because we choose to be.
352
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:58,807
You and I are a pair of ducks.
353
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:01,877
And that's not
necessarily a bad thing.
354
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:05,314
Pair of ducks.
Yes, yin and yang.
355
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,116
They couldn't swim
the Chism river, right?
356
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,685
So they built this bridge
357
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,577
and they sat up
there and quacked.
358
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:16,625
A bridge. You're trying to
tell me you built a bridge?
359
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,394
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't get me wrong.
360
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:21,197
What we do is we
start over every day.
361
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,898
I choose you, you choose me.
362
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:26,335
So we're, like, kind of
stuck with each other.
363
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,338
Yes! And you know
what? With you...
364
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:30,806
I don't mind compromising.
365
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:32,774
I don't either.
366
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:36,378
You know I've even started liking
those stupid, bloody action films.
367
00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:38,113
Really? Yeah.
368
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,382
I wouldn't mind having
Arnold Schwarzenegger sheets.
369
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:43,619
(in Austrian accent) Maria!
370
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:46,222
And you know what? I like
going to the mall with you.
371
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:49,358
Really?
372
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:53,195
I kind of like buying lingerie.
373
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:56,554
(whispers) I think that
better stay our secret.
374
00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:01,091
Oh, you thought... I see.
375
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:20,322
All right, Tim Jr., now
let's do our impression
376
00:21:20,346 --> 00:21:24,126
of a very bad Godzilla movie.
377
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:26,617
Oh, no, Godzilla. Mothra's
behind that building.
378
00:21:34,327 --> 00:21:37,706
Come on, honey. You've had
enough time practicing with that thing.
379
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:38,774
(laughing)
380
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,499
Oh, Tim!
381
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:46,114
I love it! 'Cause
it looks like me.
382
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:50,519
No, I mean mine!
Oh, Jill Jr. I'm sorry.
383
00:21:50,543 --> 00:21:54,345
All right, Tim Jr., I'd
like you to meet Jill Jr.
384
00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:57,682
(both) Aah!
385
00:22:01,187 --> 00:22:04,822
(laughs) Nice hair, helmet head.
386
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:11,195
Is that your face, or do you
have Dutch Elm disease?
387
00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:15,966
Why don't you look at
me when you talk to me?
388
00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:21,016
(Jill laughing)
389
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:24,486
You're not a very good
ventriloquist. I saw your lips moving.
390
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:27,255
Why don't you come over here and I'll show
you how they do ventriloquism in France?
391
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:28,759
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
392
00:22:42,395 --> 00:22:44,373
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to Tool Time,
393
00:22:44,397 --> 00:22:46,542
I'm your host, Tim
"The Tool Man" Taylor
394
00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:51,747
You all know my assistant
Al "I caused the..." (laughs)
395
00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:54,583
(woman) Take it from
the top, we're still rolling.
396
00:22:54,607 --> 00:22:57,641
Three, two...
397
00:23:08,354 --> 00:23:11,655
Five, four, three, two...
398
00:23:14,861 --> 00:23:16,638
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to Tool Time
399
00:23:16,662 --> 00:23:18,640
I'm your host, Tim
"The Tool Man" Taylor.
400
00:23:18,664 --> 00:23:22,745
You all know my
assistant, Al "I caused the..."
401
00:23:22,769 --> 00:23:24,169
Tim, why'd you
give me the (beep).
401
00:23:25,305 --> 00:24:25,798
Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/8d53h
Help other users to choose the best subtitles