1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,813
What gadget do you
have for us today, Al?
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:08,352
Well, Tim, I think I
have an interesting item.
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:13,123
A light bulb that is
guaranteed to last 100 years.
4
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,125
Al, that's... that's
not really that new.
5
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,926
It's been around quite awhile.
6
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:21,098
Well, perhaps, but this is
guaranteed to last 100 years,
7
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:26,103
and I have a
certificate... to prove it.
8
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:29,928
(scoffs) How do you know the
company will be around a hundred years?
9
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:36,013
Well...
10
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,114
Uh...
11
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:40,183
Someone will be
held responsible.
12
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:42,185
How many of these did
you buy? Well, Tim, I...
13
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,143
(crash)
14
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,184
Just that one.
15
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:56,466
And they said it was
good for a hundred years.
16
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,800
(♪ theme music starts)
17
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,369
Ah! There's the theme music.
18
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,371
You know what
time that means it is.
19
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,974
Time to hear another word from Binford
about some of their fine new products.
20
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,910
That's right.
21
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,646
I'd like to introduce you to Binford's
small line of industrial magnets.
22
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:14,817
The MiniMag 100 is perfect
for picking up screws and nails.
23
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,586
It can also pick up small tools
24
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,888
that have carelessly been
dropped behind the workbench,
25
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,352
perhaps the fault of a coworker.
26
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:27,297
And the MiniMag 2000.
27
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:29,232
Small but powerful.
28
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:32,235
Ten pounds will
pick up 400 pounds.
29
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:35,439
This would suck the Tin
Man right through a keyhole.
30
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:38,408
Well, it was designed
to pick up sheet metal,
31
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,277
so you'll want to
keep it pointed...
32
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,234
Tim...
33
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,905
No, no. Just slide
it straight down.
34
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,677
Tim...
35
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,994
Pretty powerful
little thing, isn't it?
36
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:00,219
(feedback)
37
00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,602
Marv, pull it back! Marv!
38
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,126
Oh!
39
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:15,585
We'll be right back after
these messages from Binford.
40
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:23,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
41
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,598
What do you think? Could
we put the kids in the middle?
42
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,656
All right, all right, all right.
Guys, attention on deck.
43
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,957
I got all the snacks ready
for the game of the century.
44
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,360
The Pistons versus the Bulls.
Michael Jordan, Isiah Thomas.
45
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,095
Oh, oh. (horn)
46
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,330
Ah!
47
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,665
What'd you get? All right.
48
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,132
Cheese nutrition.
49
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:47,671
Cheese Doodles, Cheese
Oodles, Cheese Curls,
50
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,506
Cheese Puffs -
51
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,675
teeth-stainin', artery-blockin'
stomach-bloatin'...
52
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:55,144
(grunts)
53
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,646
Gee, no dessert? Yes.
54
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,637
Cheesecake.
55
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,018
You want to join us?
56
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:05,655
You know I'd love to,
but my jock is in the wash.
57
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,956
Would you come
out in the garage?
58
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,191
I want to talk to
you for a minute.
59
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,594
She just can't get
enough of me. Nope.
60
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:12,128
What's up?
61
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,163
My computer crashed.
62
00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,875
I gotta go to work
today and recreate all of
63
00:04:15,899 --> 00:04:17,534
the research for next
week's lead article.
64
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,469
It means I can't take
Mark to the ballet.
65
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,338
Mark was really looking forward
to going to Swan Lake with you.
66
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,339
What are you gonna do?
67
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,740
Gonna get you to do it.
68
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,375
Me? Yeah.
69
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:28,878
Back the tutu up, honey.
70
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,747
Honey, you have
to. No. (whistles)
71
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,483
I already had to miss that
Cub Scout pancake thing
72
00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,051
a week ago because of work.
73
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,553
I don't want to
disappoint him again.
74
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,955
Ask Karen. I did. Karen's busy.
75
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,625
Everybody is busy.
She suggested you.
76
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,326
No, absolutely not.
77
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:46,195
Tim, look, Mark has really
been looking forward to this
78
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,064
ever since he saw
The Nutcracker on TV.
79
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:49,666
It really means a lot to him.
80
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,735
Give him a ticket
and call him a cab.
81
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:54,937
Tim! He can take my car.
82
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:58,675
Put a pillow on there, he'll look like
Grandma, with just his knuckles showing.
83
00:04:58,699 --> 00:04:59,876
"I can't see anything."
84
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,111
Tim, you know,
you might enjoy this.
85
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,881
It's a great story. It's about
the power of undying love.
86
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,884
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Boy meets bird.
87
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,919
Boy loses bird.
88
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,889
Boy pan fries bird.
(sizzle sounds)
89
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,725
Not exactly. It's about this
princess and her friends.
90
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,059
They're hanging out at the lake.
91
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:18,728
And this evil
sorcerer... (snoring)
92
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:22,031
comes along and turns
them all into swans.
93
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:27,069
Well, then, the prince, Ziegfried,
comes along to hunt the swans -
94
00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:30,540
weapons, bows and arrows -
95
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,376
and the princess says,
"Please, I'm not a swan.
96
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,746
I'm really just a
person. Don't kill me."
97
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:40,171
So it's a swan with
an identity crisis.
98
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,287
OK. Let's try another story.
99
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:48,458
Once upon a time, there was a
beautiful, lovely and talented queen
100
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,461
who was married
to an evil king -
101
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,162
the King Selfish.
102
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,798
Mmm, I'm gonna like this guy.
103
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,633
Yeah, you would like this guy.
104
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:59,836
He has a low-rated tool show where
most of the work is done by his assistant,
105
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,226
the Earl of Al.
106
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:07,977
Anyway, our kind and sensitive
and breathtakingly beautiful queen
107
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,714
wanted a knight in shining armor
108
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,882
to come and take
the young princeling
109
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,218
to the palace dance festival.
110
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,987
I hate ballet. I hate it.
111
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:21,090
You go to the ballet, you burp,
people are going, "Shh, quiet!"
112
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,393
(hissing) "Shh!"
113
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,695
Tim, I took those kids to the
monster truck rally for you.
114
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:26,929
Do you remember that? Uh-huh.
115
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:29,766
Ten to one, no one there
went, "Hey, lady! Quiet!
116
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,001
You're burping! I
can't hear Fordzilla!"
117
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,392
(truck sound)
118
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,807
All right, all right,
all right. I'll take him.
119
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:40,510
I'll tape the game
on ye old royal VCR.
120
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:43,079
Thank you.
121
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:45,948
You are my favorite knight.
122
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:49,052
And later on, I'll make sure
you have your favorite night.
123
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,010
(grunts)
124
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,058
Now remember, if
this doesn't work out,
125
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,994
I'm not gonna be able
to leave you alone again.
126
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,229
Mom, don't worry about
us. We can handle it.
127
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,432
Well, good. 'Cause, you know,
I'd like to be able to leave you
128
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,233
for a few hours in
the middle of the day
129
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,935
and know that you
guys are gonna be OK.
130
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,169
You can!
131
00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:09,439
Are you gonna call
before you come home?
132
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:12,308
Why are you asking me that?
133
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,943
No reason.
134
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,478
Yeah, right.
135
00:07:15,502 --> 00:07:17,814
I think that you should know
136
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:20,316
that I could be
home at any moment.
137
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:23,386
Now, Wilson is gonna be
next door the whole time
138
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:24,954
if you need anything.
139
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,790
And here are the emergency
numbers right here.
140
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,058
We know, we know. We
call them all the time for Dad.
141
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,549
Yeah.
142
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:40,002
They're handsome.
143
00:07:40,026 --> 00:07:41,960
They're virile.
144
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,075
They even changed
their underwear.
145
00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:49,378
So what, you're wearing
his, he's wearing yours?
146
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,280
(high-pitched voice)
And his are a little tight.
147
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,216
(laughs) But they're so
attractive. Oh, you all look great.
148
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,686
Hey, Dad. Have
fun at Swine Lake.
149
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,822
(snorting)
150
00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:01,123
You guys are just jealous
because you don't get to dress up
151
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,859
and look cool like Mark and I.
152
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,161
Now listen, I want
you guys to have fun.
153
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:08,397
But, Mark, this is
a grown-up place,
154
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,399
and I want you to be
on your best behavior.
155
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:13,202
And remember, Tim,
this is a grown-up place,
156
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,772
and I want you to be
on your best behavior.
157
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,107
We know it's a cultural event.
We'll make you real proud.
158
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,275
All right.
159
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:20,543
Hey, lady! You in the beak!
160
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:23,045
(horn)
161
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:25,782
Nice jump! Go, swans, go!
162
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:28,451
(both) Go, swans,
go! Go, swans, go!
163
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:31,053
Hey, Wilson. Hi-ho, Tim.
164
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:34,724
Well, my, my, my, don't you
look spiffy for the ballet today.
165
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:37,193
You heading out? Thank
you. As a matter of fact, we are.
166
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:38,661
Keep a close watch
on these guys, will you?
167
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,230
And thanks very much for doing
it. You should see us about 5:00.
168
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,466
Mm, anytime. Boy, it's
too bad you're busy today.
169
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:46,335
I've got two free tickets
to the Pistons/Bulls game.
170
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,270
Oh!
171
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:50,072
Ohh!
172
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:52,008
It's a shame. First row.
173
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,543
No! Mm-hmm. Courtside.
174
00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:56,746
No way! Courtside?
175
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,382
Let me just take a look at them.
176
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:01,951
This is down... these are
right behind the players' bench.
177
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,453
How did you get these?
Radio call-in contest.
178
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:06,523
They asked the name
of the astronomer
179
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:09,325
famous for his three laws describing
the motion of the planets around the sun,
180
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:13,863
and I was the 15th caller that knew
that it was, indeed, Johannes Kepler.
181
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:18,034
There were 14 other
people that knew that?
182
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:19,235
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
183
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,605
Boy, these are just...
these are just unbelieve...
184
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,473
Oh, man.
185
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,475
I mean, once in a lifetime, you get
to sit back there with those play...
186
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,232
Mm-hmm. (mumbles)
187
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:32,582
I'd give my left arm for these.
Mm-hmm. Well, it's a shame.
188
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,751
I'll just have to throw them
out. Oh! Don't throw them out.
189
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:36,152
Don't throw them
out. I think I...
190
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,521
I gotta find somebody...
somebody to use those tickets.
191
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,056
Here you go. Hey, thanks.
192
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,458
Oh, my pleasure.
193
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,061
Dad, you ready to go to the
ballet? Let's go to that ballet.
194
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,431
Come over here, quick,
quick, quick, quick!
195
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:50,066
All right, you know
what these are?
196
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:53,402
These are courtside seats
to the Pistons/Bulls game.
197
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,372
We'd sit so close, they
might ask us to play.
198
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,541
Wow! Darn right.
Well, you want to go?
199
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:01,143
No. I want to see the swans.
200
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:04,313
(laughs) Maybe
you didn't hear me.
201
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:07,917
Courtside. Right up
front. Michael Jordan.
202
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,619
Won't Mom be disappointed?
203
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,520
Yeah, yeah, she
would, wouldn't she?
204
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,522
Don't wanna disappoint her. Oh.
205
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:16,459
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We might be able to do both.
206
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,128
That ballet starts about
12:45, 1:00, doesn't it?
207
00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:22,198
Tip off's at two.
Perfect. Perfect.
208
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,366
Will the ballet be over by two?
209
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:25,768
Not over over.
210
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,570
Most of the ballet's the
first 20 minutes, anyway.
211
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:29,772
After that, the real dancers
get tired, and they send in -
212
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,874
the second string
goes in and dances.
213
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,876
I don't know.
214
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,544
Come on. All right, um...
215
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,580
All the hotdogs
and soda you want.
216
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,649
I don't think so.
All right, all right.
217
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,550
I'll buy you one of
those big foam fingers.
218
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:42,752
Really? Yeah.
219
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:44,709
Wow! Let's go! All right!
220
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:52,017
Hey, Randy, check it out. I
found Mom's stash of cookies.
221
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,331
Turn on the game.
222
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,355
I will. I will.
223
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,970
After...
224
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,928
I smoke my cigar.
225
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:09,012
Whoa, cool. Where
did you get that?
226
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:11,714
Dad's sock drawer.
He's got a whole box.
227
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,784
That's why his
socks smell so bad.
228
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:19,388
No. I think that's why
this cigar smells so bad.
229
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:22,725
Well, let's smoke it.
How do you light it?
230
00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:25,884
I think you're supposed
to bite off the end first.
231
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:36,873
Well, you're not
supposed to eat it.
232
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,341
(coughs)
233
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,944
Just light the cigar.
Not in here. It smells.
234
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:43,902
Outside. OK.
235
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:49,152
Wait a minute.
236
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:52,177
Cigars and cookies.
(sniffs) We're men.
237
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:57,214
(coughs)
238
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:06,402
Hey, does your
mouth still taste nasty?
239
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:10,394
Yeah. It tastes like chocolate
chip cookies and Dad's socks.
240
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,244
Whoo! You still
smell like smoke.
241
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,513
Spray me with that
air freshener again.
242
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,649
Brad, Randy,
where'd you guys go?!
243
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:21,650
Hey.
244
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:24,242
Dad's here. Quick, hide the can.
245
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,159
Hi, Dad. Hi, Dad.
246
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,095
Hey, guys.
247
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:35,264
Well, congratulations. The
house is in one piece. Thank you.
248
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:38,167
And you thought
you couldn't trust us.
249
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:39,702
Hm. What's that smell?
250
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,238
It's a new cologne
Jennifer gave me.
251
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,174
Ehh! I'd take it back. It
smells like air freshener.
252
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,876
Well, can we go to Billy's?
253
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,345
Yeah. I'll call you for dinner.
254
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,147
Bye, Dad.
255
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,537
Love you, Dad. Bye.
256
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:00,957
Dad, the game was great.
257
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,992
You bet it was. Courtside,
front row, you and me.
258
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:05,928
That's the way to
see B-ball. Yeah.
259
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:09,498
Do you think that
referee's still mad at you?
260
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,267
He knows I was just
stretching my legs.
261
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,224
I wasn't trying to trip him.
262
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,305
You know, Dad, I liked
the basketball game
263
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,974
a lot better than the ballet.
264
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,442
Oh, that's exactly what you
do not want to say to your mom.
265
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,745
Why not?
266
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:25,547
Because she wanted you to go to the
ballet. You wanted to go to the ballet.
267
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:27,081
And I don't think
she's gonna be all that
268
00:13:27,105 --> 00:13:28,751
happy about us going
to the basketball game.
269
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,653
You said she'd be all for it.
270
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:34,590
I say strange things when I got
courtside tickets right in my hand.
271
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:38,460
The truth is, we are going
to be in a lot of trouble.
272
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,696
What are we gonna
do? We can't lie.
273
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,653
We're not going to lie to her.
274
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,568
We just gotta tell
her in the right way...
275
00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:49,238
You know, I'll tell her later.
We're just delaying the truth.
276
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,340
(door opens)
277
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,198
Oh, hi, guys! Hey, hey.
278
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:58,147
So, how did Brad and Randy do?
279
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,648
Brad and Ran...
Oh, they did great.
280
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,317
The house is good.
They're at Billy's.
281
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,820
So how was the
ballet? It was wonderful.
282
00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:05,121
Yeah? Did you enjoy it, Mark?
283
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,622
He loved it!
284
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,258
Did you, Mark? Every bit of it.
285
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:12,094
Would you let Mark answer?
What did you think about it?
286
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:15,698
Wasn't it a great stor... What is this?
You got some mustard on your shirt?
287
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,300
We had hot dogs at halftime.
288
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,790
At intermission,
you had hot dogs.
289
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:26,242
Maybe you should
go change that shirt
290
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:29,178
and get that mustard out of
there before it sets in the stain.
291
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,447
Since when do they serve
hot dogs at intermission?
292
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:33,816
It's children's day today.
293
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,617
They had hot dogs, bratwurst,
294
00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,619
you know, nachos with that
drippy cheese and everything,
295
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,777
and, um... uh, swan cookies.
296
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,129
Tim, why do I get the feeling
297
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:49,031
that you did not go
to the ballet today?
298
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:50,599
(scoffs) That's stupid.
299
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:52,601
I brought the program
home. It's right there.
300
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:56,361
Oh. Oh, gee, it is.
301
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,475
Well, so, what
did you think of it?
302
00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,978
What did I think? It was...
303
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:05,248
it was tragic and breathtaking.
304
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:06,448
Really?
305
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:09,173
One of the most
beloved ballets of all time.
306
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:14,623
Here's what Robert Baker
of Detroit Arts Magazine
307
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,760
has to say about this,
"Tragic and breathtaking.
308
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:21,286
One of the most beloved
ballets of all time."
309
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,857
What are the odds? You know...
310
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,173
that he and I would
have the same opinion?
311
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:32,975
You know, that's... (laughs)
312
00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:36,078
You didn't go to the
ballet, did you? Yes, I did.
313
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,281
Then how does it end?
314
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:41,005
The audience wakes up
and stumbles to their car.
315
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,659
(grunts) Oh, no.
316
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:54,363
So they sold this right
alongside the little swan cookies,
317
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,664
is that right?
318
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,400
Um, Wilson gave me
319
00:15:57,424 --> 00:16:00,669
some tickets to the basketball
game just before I left.
320
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,704
So you went there instead.
321
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:05,074
No. Actually, we went to
the ballet and the basketball...
322
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:07,043
We just left the
ballet a little early.
323
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,445
So how long did you
stay? Five minutes?
324
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:12,870
Oh, come on. We
stayed 30 minutes.
325
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,721
Tim, I have been
trying to expose the boys
326
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:23,059
to something other than
sports, tools and cars.
327
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,194
I mean, Brad has zero interest.
328
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,796
Randy's light is
barely flickering.
329
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,366
I had a chance with Mark. Why
did you have to go and ruin that?
330
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,701
I didn't ruin it. Now
listen to me for a minute.
331
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:35,104
Courtside, players' bench.
These are very amazing seats.
332
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,538
You don't get... I don't care!
333
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:39,108
You taught Mark something today!
334
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:42,244
You taught him that basketball
is cool and ballet is stupid.
335
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:45,114
You're overreacting. I
did not tell him any of that.
336
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,316
He does not think
ballet is stupid.
337
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,352
We were only there 30 minutes.
338
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:51,520
Now, had he been there for
the whole thing, he might have...
339
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,878
Oh, come on!
340
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,562
(♪ humming)
341
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,231
Wilson, what are you doing?
342
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:04,433
Oh, just doing a little
spring cleaning, Tim.
343
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,834
Beating the dust out of my rug.
344
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,937
(thump) I thought
you had your own hair.
345
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:12,108
(laughs) Oh, that's a
good one, neighbor.
346
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,676
By the way, did you find anybody
347
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,678
to take those basketball
tickets off your hands?
348
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,882
Uh, as a matter of fact,
I took Mark to the game.
349
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,350
And I gotta to thank
you for the best seats
350
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,285
I've ever had at a
basketball game.
351
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:26,055
Really? I thought you
were going to the ballet.
352
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:29,125
Uh, well...
353
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,592
tried to do both.
354
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,361
Well, very good.
355
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,097
Basketball and
ballet in the same day.
356
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:38,067
You're raising your boys
to be Renaissance men.
357
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:41,170
Actually, I'm not interested
in Renaissance men.
358
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,339
I think ballet's stupid.
359
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,940
Really?
360
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,043
Well, why do you
think it's stupid?
361
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,244
It's ballet.
362
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,012
Uh-huh.
363
00:17:50,036 --> 00:17:52,381
What is it you
don't enjoy about it?
364
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,417
It's ballet.
365
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,119
Well, Tim, I think
we've established that.
366
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,855
How much ballet
have you actually seen?
367
00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:02,591
Well, counting the 30
minutes I saw today,
368
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,793
about 36 minutes,
lifetime total.
369
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,795
Uh-huh. Well, then,
I would have to say
370
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:10,254
that your opinion is
based on ignorance.
371
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,735
You just called me ignorant?
372
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,672
Well, when it comes
to ballet, I guess I did.
373
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:19,041
Ignorance is a breeding
ground for prejudice.
374
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:22,411
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
375
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,346
You ask anybody, I'm
not a prejudiced guy.
376
00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:27,583
Not against people. Perhaps
against ideas, though.
377
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,353
See, Tim, anytime a man forms
an opinion that's not based on facts,
378
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:33,355
then he's a fool.
379
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:35,224
Oh, great, great, great.
380
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:38,449
Now I'm an ignorant,
prejudiced fool.
381
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,185
Mm-hmm.
382
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,671
I found this in
Mark's room. Thanks.
383
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:52,475
About yesterday,
I want to reiterate
384
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,477
that getting courtside
tickets front row
385
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,312
is a very big deal.
386
00:18:56,336 --> 00:19:00,082
Tim, I'm happy that you were
there to spend the day with Mark.
387
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:04,786
But every weekend, you know,
it's always these "guy" things.
388
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,989
You know, there's basketball,
the hot rod, grunting,
389
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:10,058
making noises on the couch.
390
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:14,130
It's, like, um...
this is a boys' club.
391
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:15,864
You know, no girls allowed.
392
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:19,524
Girls are allowed. You just can't
make the same noises we can.
393
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:25,841
You know, you don't have
to like the things that I like.
394
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,444
Whew. Thank you.
395
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:32,080
I just want to make sure that
you make it OK for the boys
396
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,816
to like the things that I like.
397
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,685
Let them make up
their own minds, OK?
398
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,086
Point well taken.
I understand it.
399
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,055
You know, we did go
to the ballet, you know?
400
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:43,058
And I did enjoy
it. You enjoyed it?
401
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,115
Not the whole half hour, but...
402
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:48,930
I don't know what
the guy's name was.
403
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:51,433
This one guy, twiddle toes,
he was like real athletic.
404
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:52,734
This guy was
jumping up in the air.
405
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:54,270
I mean, if he had a basketball,
406
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,439
he could have slam-dunked
that thing anywhere in the NBA.
407
00:19:57,463 --> 00:19:59,475
I think you might
really enjoy ballet.
408
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,677
Why don't you just
go with me sometime?
409
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,879
Eh, stories are a little slow.
Men need more excitement.
410
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,081
So I've... I had an idea.
411
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:10,852
What? I created
a ballet of my own.
412
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:13,021
I don't think the dance
world is ready for this.
413
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:17,092
Ah, I think you're wrong.
Come sit on the couch here.
414
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:18,760
I made this tape
415
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:22,631
for people who are prejudiced
against the ballet, OK?
416
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:27,269
OK, welcome to the
More Power Ballet Hour.
417
00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:29,004
(clears throat) (laughing) What?
418
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,440
Tonight's feature
419
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:34,976
is Prince Ziegfried
in Eat My Dust.
420
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,079
Oh, it's a happy
day in the village.
421
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,081
The peasants are
awaiting the arrival
422
00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:40,782
of the talented
Prince Ziegfried.
423
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:43,319
There he is, the prince now.
424
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:45,153
Oh, look. The prince slam-dunks.
425
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:46,788
Whoo! Nice.
426
00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:49,958
And the peasants rejoice.
427
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:53,195
But just then, the evil
baron escapes his dungeon,
428
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:54,830
and Ziegfried's
army pursues him.
429
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:57,065
Go, go, go, go, go!
430
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,635
The baron is tackled at
about the 37-yard line.
431
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:00,736
And the peasants...
432
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,138
(both) ...rejoice.
433
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:06,342
But Ziegfried, wanting
to escape his enemies,
434
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,477
mounts his trusted steed
435
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:12,314
and pulls a 6-5 ET
at 220 miles an hour.
436
00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:15,751
And the peasants rejoice.
437
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,152
Look at those guys.
438
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:20,789
Hence, the title of my
piece, Eat My Dust or...
439
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:23,247
(both) The Peasants Rejoice.
440
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:33,502
Look at this! Look what I found.
441
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:36,238
Looks like one of my
cigars out of my sock drawer.
442
00:21:36,262 --> 00:21:40,142
Yeah, it is.
443
00:21:40,166 --> 00:21:43,679
I also found it with this little
crumpled-up bag of cookies.
444
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,247
Your stash?
445
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:46,948
My stash.
446
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:50,952
Thus ends our
no-baby-sitter experience.
447
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,221
I think we should get those boys
down here so we can punish them.
448
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:54,323
No, no, no, no, no.
449
00:21:54,347 --> 00:21:56,792
Wait a minute. I
got a better idea.
450
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,361
What? Just follow my
lead. Go get your coat.
451
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:01,919
Boys, come down
here! Quick! Hurry up!
452
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,268
(sigh) You gotta watch
Mark for a little bit.
453
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:07,836
We gotta take Wilson
to the emergency room.
454
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:10,706
Why? What's the matter?
455
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:13,809
I gave him one of those cigars
that I hide in my sock drawer.
456
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,944
(sighs) He's real sick.
457
00:22:15,968 --> 00:22:18,328
Evidently the tobacco
was infected or something.
458
00:22:20,306 --> 00:22:22,083
Infected tobacco?
459
00:22:22,107 --> 00:22:24,953
Boy, is he feeling bad. He's got
this rash al up his leg, head to toe.
460
00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:26,322
He's itching like crazy.
461
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:28,290
And he's got hair growing
out of his knuckles.
462
00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:31,360
Yeah, he does. I
saw it. It's gross.
463
00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:34,664
See you later. Just
watch Mark, all right?
464
00:22:41,761 --> 00:22:45,641
You know, I'm
sorta starting to itch.
465
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:48,677
Yeah, me too.
466
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:51,313
Maybe we better go to the
hospital with Mom and Dad
467
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:53,882
before that hair starts to grow.
468
00:22:53,906 --> 00:22:56,206
Busted! Busted!
469
00:23:01,681 --> 00:23:03,559
(stage manager) 3, 2...
470
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:06,462
And there, Pasquini knife
has two different spoons.
471
00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:07,730
Never mind, start over, please?
472
00:23:07,754 --> 00:23:09,197
There's no spoons on this.
473
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:12,267
Pasquini knife has two
corkscrews, four gun sites.
474
00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:14,135
Gun sites?
475
00:23:14,159 --> 00:23:18,139
Two corkscrews, a
toothpick, 32 blades.
476
00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:21,176
The Pasquini knife here
can scare off an intruder
477
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,479
while giving him a pedicure.
478
00:23:23,503 --> 00:23:25,102
Anyway, Gadget Corner is...
478
00:23:26,305 --> 00:24:26,550
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today