1
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:06,049
A good spring
tune-up. Right, Al?
2
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:07,851
That's right, but before we go,
3
00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:10,387
we'd like to make an announcement
I'm sure you all have been waiting for.
4
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:13,078
Al is a woman trapped
in a man's body.
5
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:19,596
No. I'm sure our audience
knows that's not true.
6
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,664
I'm just kidding, Al.
7
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:24,167
We invited our viewers to vote for their
all-time favorite guest here on Tool Time,
8
00:00:24,191 --> 00:00:26,036
and today, we'll
announce the winner.
9
00:00:26,060 --> 00:00:29,373
That's right. You were able to go
down to your local hardware store
10
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:33,710
and pick up a ballot that listed every
single guest we've ever had on Tool Time,
11
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:37,469
although Bob Vila
was left off that list.
12
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,472
Computer error, Al.
13
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,354
Anyway, our three finalists
are George Foreman,
14
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,089
Mario and Michael Andretti,
15
00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:48,713
and Dwayne from the
K&B Construction Company.
16
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:54,064
From our ever-widening audience,
we've had thousands of viewers write in.
17
00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:56,766
Lisa, what's the final
count? 112 postcards, Tim.
18
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,635
Thank you, Lisa.
19
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,371
And the winner for the most
popular guest here on Tool Time is...
20
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,241
(fanfare)
21
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,131
I've got goose
bumps, I really do.
22
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:09,634
What? No.
23
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:15,574
Mario and Michael Andretti.
24
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,488
(Al stutters)
25
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,823
Tim, that's not what...
That's not what it...
26
00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,392
That's not what it
says. Yes, it does.
27
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,760
No, it... No, it
doesn't. Yes, it does.
28
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,451
Does not. Does too.
29
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:29,121
Bob Vila.
30
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,773
It can't... It can't be...
It cannot be Bob Vila.
31
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:38,808
It can't be Bob Vila.
I erased his name...
32
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:42,645
Computer error took
his name off that list.
33
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,581
Well, maybe the viewers
34
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,816
did what I did and
wrote his name in.
35
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,884
That's what I did.
36
00:01:47,908 --> 00:01:51,721
Write-ins weren't allowed, Lisa.
37
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,191
Al told me I could.
He did, did he?
38
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:55,914
Yes, I did.
39
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,196
So please join us next time
40
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,165
when we'll meet our
winning guest - Bob Vila.
41
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:05,802
So popular that, even though he
was deliberately left off the ballot,
42
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,238
won with a write-in campaign.
43
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,240
So join us next
time on Tool Time,
44
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:13,143
when Bob and Al discuss how to
remove crusty food from their beards.
45
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,334
See you next time on Tool Time.
46
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:23,074
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
47
00:03:28,775 --> 00:03:30,935
What do you think? Could
we put the kids in the middle?
48
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,494
Jill, this is unbelievable. I've
never won anything before.
49
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:39,596
A day of beauty
for two at Adriana's.
50
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:42,865
It is so great
that it is for two.
51
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,867
Can you imagine a whole
day of being pampered?
52
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,036
What, Tim doesn't pamper you?
53
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,138
Yeah, right.
54
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,374
Tim's idea of pampering me
55
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,411
is to wear his
pants to breakfast.
56
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:55,912
(oven timer dings)
57
00:03:55,936 --> 00:04:00,149
Jill, are Brad and Randy
planning to do some gardening?
58
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,219
Hey! Hey, guys!
59
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:05,689
Where are you going with
that shovel and that rake?
60
00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:06,756
Nowhere.
61
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,327
Don't go near the
cemetery again.
62
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,894
Cemetery?
63
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:14,231
Yeah. Last week, they dug
a hole near the cemetery wall
64
00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:17,856
and told Mark that one
of the bodies escaped.
65
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,972
We're just going down to
the creek to build a dam.
66
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:26,676
Forget the dam, beaver boy.
Lose the shovel. Lose the rake.
67
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,545
Aw, man.
68
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,414
Now, listen, if you guys get back
before Karen and I do, go to Wilson's.
69
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,050
Mark's gonna be over at Billy's.
70
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,786
Morning, Tim. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
71
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:39,088
Aw, it's nice to see that Tim
72
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,124
is his usual charming,
bubbling self.
73
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,626
Oh, ignore him.
74
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:45,729
He's always in a snit when
Bob Vila's on the show.
75
00:04:45,753 --> 00:04:48,765
Isn't he the guy that has that
national tool show that Tim ripped off?
76
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,933
Don't start, Karen, please.
77
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:54,070
All I've heard all week long
is, "Bob Vila this, Bob Vila that."
78
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,473
What does Bob Vila have
that I don't? High ratings.
79
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:57,977
Fans. Big salary.
80
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,910
Are you through?
81
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,980
Oh, pookie. We're just kidding.
82
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:07,717
Remember, you have something to
be proud of that Bob Vila does not have.
83
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,741
Oh, yeah. What? Al.
84
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,822
(giggles)
85
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,158
Normally, I would
have seen that coming.
86
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,794
I'm very vulnerable right now.
87
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,496
Tim, you're so tense.
88
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,665
Maybe you should come and
pamper yourself at Adriana's.
89
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:24,701
Yeah, yeah. They have
manicures and pedicures for men.
90
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:27,304
Let me tell you
two gals something.
91
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,306
Men don't let other
people touch their feet.
92
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,973
A real man clips
his own toenails
93
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,931
and flicks 'em
in his wife's hair.
94
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,748
Does everybody
know what time it is?
95
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,684
Tool Time!
96
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,119
That's right. Binford
Tools is proud to present
97
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:46,411
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
98
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,462
Thank you, Lisa.
Welcome to Tool Time.
99
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,531
I'm your host Tim
"The Tool Man" Taylor.
100
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,833
You all know my assistant Al.
101
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,735
Well, Tim, this is the big day.
102
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,037
It sure is. We get to do
that subfloor. Ooh, yeah.
103
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,640
I don't think that's why the
audience is watching today.
104
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:06,275
I'm sure that, like me,
they're all excited about seeing
105
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,178
our favorite guest
contest winner.
106
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,581
Aren't we all,
Al. Aren't we all.
107
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,784
Now, the subfloor
will start... Tim.
108
00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:17,987
Why don't we introduce
our favorite guest?
109
00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,989
Why not? Our favorite guest
110
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,191
is someone a few
of you may know...
111
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,794
I think we all know
Bob and love him.
112
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:27,831
Are we gonna have
to hose you down, Al?
113
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,366
Let me introduce
114
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:33,425
the paterfamilias of
home repair - Mr. Bob Vila.
115
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,609
Thank you. Thanks
for that warm welcome.
116
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,645
Mr. Vila, I just want you to
know I'm one of your biggest fans.
117
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:45,882
In my opinion, you've completely
redefined television home repair.
118
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,517
Lisa.
119
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:48,985
Right.
120
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,720
Good to have you here
again, Bob. Thanks.
121
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,221
That goes double for me.
122
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,290
Thanks, Al. It's
always good to see you.
123
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:57,293
I was so thrilled to find out I was
picked your favorite guest here.
124
00:06:57,317 --> 00:07:00,117
Well, I encouraged a lot
of people to vote for you.
125
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,833
Bob, why don't you
take a seat right here?
126
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:06,102
Now, a lot of people think there's
a big rivalry between Bob and I,
127
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,004
but, actually, there's a lot of mutual
respect between us, right, Bob?
128
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,228
Absolutely, Jim.
129
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:13,042
It's Tim.
130
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:16,626
I was just pulling your
leg, buddy. Just kidding.
131
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:23,686
I don't... I don't know if we can
have Bob on the show anymore.
132
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:27,123
My... my sides
are about to split.
133
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:29,358
Al, you've got a
wonderful sense of humor.
134
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,895
Doesn't he, though?
135
00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,930
Well, you know, Bob is also here
136
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,299
to promote one of
my favorite charities.
137
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:40,369
The Society for the
Prevention of Cruelty to Flannel.
138
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,104
Actually, Tim, I'm supporting
139
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,307
the Metropolitan
Detroit Children's Fund.
140
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,342
I'm just pulling
your leg, actually.
141
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:48,511
It's a wonderful charity, and I bet they're
excited that you're their chairperson.
142
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:51,147
I understand that you're
working on a lawn-mower race.
143
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,150
That's right. And I'm having a
tough time getting some competition.
144
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,618
Well, you know, Bob,
145
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,955
Tim has a very
powerful lawn mower.
146
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,957
I tweaked out my
lawn mower at home
147
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,959
and dumped a big motor in it.
148
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,562
Mine isn't homemade.
149
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,097
I actually had mine designed
and built by professionals.
150
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,933
Yeah? Well, I...
151
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:13,436
I dumped a 300cc Harley
with a special cam in it.
152
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,137
That sounds like
the junior model.
153
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,139
Bob here put in a 410.
154
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,609
Good for Bob. Bad for you.
155
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,243
Yeah, and I've got
an elongated throttle.
156
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:24,013
I've actually been clocked
at 42 miles an hour.
157
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,949
(both) 42?
158
00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:28,017
You have a lawn mower
that goes 42? Yeah.
159
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:31,153
Well, Bob, I think it's
time to kick some grass.
160
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,856
What do you say? Are
you up to the challenge?
161
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,491
To... I... You know...
162
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:36,926
Yeah, why not?
Sure, I'll race you.
163
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,129
Great. Sure. That'll
be good. A lot of fun.
164
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:41,464
For charity.
165
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,500
Well, Tim, I just hope
166
00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:45,702
you're not a poor loser.
167
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,805
Al, I think the audience knows
just what kind of loser I am.
168
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:50,695
Experienced.
169
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,144
(Jill) Tim! Yeah. Out here.
170
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,328
Timmy!
171
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,373
I thought you guys
were going to that spa.
172
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,657
We've been there six hours.
173
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:09,458
You look fabulous.
174
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,327
Thank you.
175
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:13,429
Come out to the garage. I wanna show
you something. Time for the unveiling.
176
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:14,831
Unveiling of what?
177
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,889
What are you up to now?
Prepare to be amazed, girls.
178
00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,339
I'm amazed.
179
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:24,440
You like it?
180
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,275
Like it? I hate it.
181
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,376
What is it?
182
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,078
What is it?
183
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:33,371
It's a riding lawn mower with a
jet engine off a Chinook helicopter.
184
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,654
Are you out of your mind?
185
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:40,523
You put a jet engine
on a lawn mower?
186
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:43,459
No, but thanks
for thinking I could.
187
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:45,361
I borrowed this.
188
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,396
It's on loan from the U.S.
Lawn Mower Racing Association.
189
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,465
Why would anyone do this?
190
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:51,100
Think about it.
191
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,069
You got riding lawn
mower, you got jet engine.
192
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,973
Sooner or later, somebody
was gonna put 'em together.
193
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,508
Tell me you're not
gonna race this thing.
194
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,578
Technically, it won't be a race.
195
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:04,080
It's just an exhibition
with... Bob Vila.
196
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,649
I should have known.
Whenever Bob Vila's on the show,
197
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,718
you turn everything
into a competition.
198
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,219
Jill, this is for charity.
199
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,821
No, it's not. It's to compete.
200
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:14,824
Honey, this is no competition.
This is gonna be a slaughter.
201
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,859
I'll be at the finish line,
202
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:18,086
and Bob Vila will
be back there at the
203
00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:19,562
starting post picking
mulch out of his beard.
204
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,898
"See you, Bobby."
205
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,833
How fast does this thing go?
206
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:27,136
Right now, this
gearing, about 62.
207
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,539
But if I regear it,
94 I'll get out of it.
208
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:34,043
And after they pry you
out of this with a crowbar,
209
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,913
I'll turn to the crowd and say,
210
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:40,238
"He was a nice man, a good
man, but not a bright man."
211
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:46,177
Honey, this'll mow a
football field in 11 seconds.
212
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,794
Hi, guys. Where did you go?
213
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,263
We went down to the creek
and caught some tadpoles.
214
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,999
Why didn't you come and get me?
215
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,334
We looked all over,
and we couldn't find you.
216
00:10:58,358 --> 00:10:59,936
I was in my room.
217
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,606
Boy, Brad, the one
place we didn't look.
218
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:06,442
Why don't you take me
anywhere with you guys?
219
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:08,645
It's because you
always rat on us.
220
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,579
Promise I won't
rat on you again.
221
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,081
Oh, really?
222
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,684
Hey, Brad, maybe we
should make him take the test.
223
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:16,619
Yeah, the test.
224
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,121
What test?
225
00:11:18,145 --> 00:11:20,389
The tadpole secrecy test.
226
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,025
What's that?
227
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:25,461
You have to put a live
tadpole in your mouth.
228
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:27,596
Ew! No way!
229
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,565
OK, fine.
230
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:32,268
But then you don't get to come to
the creek with us and build a raft.
231
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,836
See ya.
232
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,372
Wait.
233
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,808
How long do I have
to hold it in my mouth?
234
00:11:38,832 --> 00:11:40,643
Three seconds.
235
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,311
Three whole seconds?
236
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,480
I told you he'd be a chicken.
237
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,582
I'm not chicken.
238
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,440
I'll do it.
239
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,927
Buddy, come here.
240
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:02,832
Now close your eyes.
Open your mouth.
241
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,835
Ooh, here's a nice slimy one.
242
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,370
You'd better watch
out. He's really wiggly.
243
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,371
Here he comes.
244
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,308
Closer, closer.
245
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,744
One thousand one.
246
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:17,046
One thousand two.
247
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,570
One thousand three. You did it.
248
00:12:30,784 --> 00:12:33,596
Mark, you weren't supposed
to swallow the tadpole.
249
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,531
What's gonna happen?
250
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,467
Well, it's gonna swim around
inside you and grow into a frog.
251
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,651
Yeah.
252
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,172
Ribbit-ribbit.
253
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,241
Shut up, Brad!
254
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,610
Hey, Mark, I wouldn't
drink any water.
255
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,812
Might make it grow faster.
256
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,680
I'm gonna tell Mom
and Dad on you.
257
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:56,485
Oh, yeah, like Mom and Dad are gonna
believe that we made you eat a tadpole.
258
00:12:56,509 --> 00:13:00,056
Brad... I wouldn't
use that argument.
259
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,345
(Mark) Mom!
260
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,694
Mom!
261
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:08,097
Mom! What is it? What
is it? What's the matter?
262
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,566
Brad and Randy
made me eat a tadpole.
263
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:13,335
A what? A tadpole.
264
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,905
Where are they? They ran away.
265
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,007
Well, Mark, you're
gonna be fine.
266
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,776
I'll get you a glass of water.
267
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,311
No! Not water!
268
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,247
OK.
269
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,615
It's turning into a frog.
270
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,785
No, it isn't, honey.
271
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,320
This thing can't possibly
survive inside of your stomach.
272
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:35,158
Look, you're just gonna
digest it like a piece of fruit.
273
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,260
You sure? I'm positive.
274
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:40,596
You're just gonna
poop that thing right out.
275
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:46,135
Now just go outside and play.
Listen, eating a tadpole's no big deal.
276
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:49,605
Aaargh! Gross! That is so gross.
277
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:52,408
Can you imagine having that slimy thing
swimming around inside your stomach?
278
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,077
I know. Yuck! I cannot
believe that they did this.
279
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,413
Oh, it's so gross.
What happened?
280
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,982
Brad and Randy made
Mark eat a tadpole.
281
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,240
(laughs)
282
00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,157
This is not funny. It's
a terrible thing to do.
283
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:11,160
Oh, come on. They're
boys. What's the big deal?
284
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,595
When I was little, I made one
of my brothers eat spaghetti.
285
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:16,432
It had an earthworm
in it. Oh, Tim, please.
286
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,467
Steve didn't even
know it was in there
287
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:21,337
until one of the noodles
tried to crawl back out.
288
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,539
It was great. Oh,
he paid me back.
289
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,808
He made me eat my mashed
potatoes with a big cockroach in there.
290
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:28,010
Oh! Tim!
291
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,902
Oh, quit ohhing. They're good.
They're crunchy. They're not bad.
292
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,355
What's that smell?
293
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,790
It's clam chowder...
294
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,862
mushrooms, raisin
and little bits of liver.
295
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,463
Ugh!
296
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:52,001
I want Brad and Randy
to think it's tadpole soup.
297
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:55,026
That's disgusting. I love it.
298
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,907
I'm just going with the flow.
299
00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:01,244
Go out and tell them
that the soup is on.
300
00:15:01,268 --> 00:15:04,202
(sinister laugh)
301
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:08,584
Brad! Randy! Hustle
up. Dinnertime.
302
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,052
Hi-ho, neighbor.
303
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,288
Hi there, Wilson.
304
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:13,589
You missed a snip.
305
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:14,790
Mm-hmm.
306
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:19,128
I bet you can't guess
what I got in my garage.
307
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,930
Well, just off the
top of my head,
308
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:24,633
I'd say a small riding lawn
mower with a jet engine attached.
309
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,335
(grunts)
310
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,737
Mark told me.
311
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,339
Think about it, Wilson.
312
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,342
I'll be driving the fastest
riding lawn mower on earth.
313
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,144
Uh-huh, uh-huh-huh-huh.
314
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:38,747
I'm gonna be a lawn-mowing
legend. Oh-oh-oh.
315
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:43,286
Well, Tim, it sounds to me
like you're dealing with hubris.
316
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:46,055
Hubris? What's that in English?
317
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:49,425
It is English. It means
"excessive pride."
318
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,628
Oh, yeah, I got that. (grunts)
319
00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:54,663
Not necessarily a good thing.
320
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:57,566
I don't have that.
I don't want it.
321
00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:01,203
I'm just in this lawn-mowing
competition with Bob Vila.
322
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,505
Mm, nothing like the
rousing spirit of competition.
323
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:06,075
Yeah. Jill and Karen
think it's a stupid idea.
324
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:09,345
Well, Tim, competition
can be a very healthy thing.
325
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,480
That's what I think. I think
competition inspires men,
326
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:14,550
challenges us to build the
biggest building, the fastest missile,
327
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:18,287
the most absorbent bathroom
tissue. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
328
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,622
Competition brings
out the best in product.
329
00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:21,824
You're darn right.
330
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:24,327
But sometimes the worst in men.
331
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,361
(grunts)
332
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:27,896
Hey, guys. I was
just looking for you.
333
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,366
Hey, Dad.
334
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:31,667
We're really sorry.
335
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:34,403
Sorry about what?
336
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:37,406
Didn't you talk to Mark? No.
337
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,808
Oh. Then we're sorry
we're late for dinner.
338
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,810
Well, your mom's
got it ready for you.
339
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,879
Take those muddy shoes off
before you get in the house.
340
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:45,114
All right.
341
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:47,616
Tim, would the
boys be in trouble?
342
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,086
Big trouble. They made
Mark eat a tadpole,
343
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:53,322
so Jill's making them think
they're having tadpole soup.
344
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:56,092
Mm-hmm. Well, if you
want to try the real thing,
345
00:16:56,116 --> 00:16:58,682
why don't you come over to
my house on Saturday night?
346
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,499
Well, hello, Brad and Randy.
347
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,267
Hi, Mom.
348
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:06,402
Where's Mark?
349
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,437
He's upstairs playing.
350
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,872
Is he OK?
351
00:17:09,896 --> 00:17:12,375
Yeah, he's fine. Why do you ask?
352
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,832
No reason. Just
because we love him.
353
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,415
Hope you're hungry.
354
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,649
Oh, yeah.
355
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:23,386
Oh. Guess I'm
done with this now.
356
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,821
That had our tadpoles in it.
357
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,624
Not anymore. Soup, anyone?
358
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:31,827
What's up, guys? Hi, Mom.
359
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:33,496
Is Mark eating this?
360
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,931
No, that's just for you.
I'm having ice cream.
361
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,666
Oh, sweetie, it's
right over there.
362
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:41,970
Well, hi. I've got the soup for the
boys all ready. You want some?
363
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:44,073
Well, what's in it?
364
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:46,931
Oh, a tad of this, tad of that.
365
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,846
Sounds a tad too rich for me.
366
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:54,750
Oh, I get it. You want us to
think the tadpoles are in the soup.
367
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:57,819
Now why would your
mother do something like that?
368
00:17:57,843 --> 00:17:59,721
Come on, dig in.
369
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,624
Come on, Randy. This
is just a big bluff. Yeah.
370
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:05,283
Come on, boys. Hop to it.
371
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,406
You know, it does
taste kind of weird.
372
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,409
Yeah, but there's
no way it's tadpoles.
373
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,546
Oh, I guess I
can't fool you guys.
374
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,713
Ooh!
375
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:27,383
Well, what is this?
376
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:30,553
(both scream)
377
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:33,021
Yeah!
378
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:36,625
It's just a rubber frog.
How did that feel?
379
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,660
Next time you feel
like pulling something,
380
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:41,697
maybe you'll remember that I see all, hear
all, know all that goes on in this house.
381
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,266
Do you understand?
382
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,001
(both) We're sorry.
383
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:49,838
OK. Now I'll fix
your real dinner.
384
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,730
Honey, please. I think
you've punished them enough.
385
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,678
(frog croaks)
386
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:59,370
(chatter)
387
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,711
Here we go, everybody. Stand by.
388
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,295
In 5, 4, 3, 2...
389
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,919
(♪ theme music)
390
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:20,269
Hi. Welcome to this
special edition of Tool Time.
391
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:23,705
I'm Tim "The Tool Man"
Taylor. You know my assistant Al.
392
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,741
We're here at
beautiful Memorial Park,
393
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,976
ready for the big
race with Bob Vila.
394
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,979
I've got this little helmet-cam so
you'll all see exactly what I see.
395
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,449
Hey, Bob. Who do you think
is going to win the race, huh?
396
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:36,452
It's for charity, Tim. The
real winners are the children.
397
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:39,355
Of course they are, Bob.
The winners are the kids.
398
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:44,293
In second place, me.
In a distant third, Bob.
399
00:19:44,317 --> 00:19:45,394
Oh, boy.
400
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:48,564
What are you doing, Tim?
401
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:49,854
Trying to show the
folks at home if there's
402
00:19:49,878 --> 00:19:51,167
any critters crawling
around in your beard.
403
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,335
Well, I think we're
about ready to go.
404
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,337
Gentlemen, if you'll
take your places. OK.
405
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:59,508
(applause and
cheers from the crowd)
406
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,510
Good luck, Tim. Thank you, Al.
407
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,979
Bob, good luck. Thank you, Al.
408
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,080
What is that?
409
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,271
Just a little old engine, Bob.
410
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,155
Gentlemen, start your engines.
411
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,279
(♪ dramatic music)
412
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,805
Ready.
413
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,440
1...
414
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:32,896
2... 3.
415
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,215
Nice mower, Bob.
416
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:40,416
Thanks, Tim.
417
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,341
I'd love to sit and
chat, but I gotta run.
418
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,656
Oh, boy! Whoa! Whoa!
419
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,720
Look out, buddy! Look
out. Look out. Look out!
420
00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:58,356
(screams)
421
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,800
(screams)
422
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:11,935
(screams)
423
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,419
Yeah, thanks, officer.
424
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:21,590
I'll make sure I get those tickets
for Tool Time for you. You bet.
425
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,860
So... how was your day?
426
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:26,194
Well...
427
00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:30,532
when I heard on the news
that there was a lawn mower
428
00:21:30,556 --> 00:21:34,603
running amuck down I-96
429
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,939
with a police
helicopter in hot pursuit,
430
00:21:37,963 --> 00:21:41,009
I thought to myself, "Could
this be my husband?"
431
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:42,311
Are you all right?
432
00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:44,346
Pretty good chance of
that. Yeah, I'm all right.
433
00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:46,982
There's good news and
bad news. The bad news is...
434
00:21:47,006 --> 00:21:50,252
I got a ticket, and they
impounded the lawn mower.
435
00:21:50,276 --> 00:21:51,687
What's the good news?
436
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:53,522
Good news is...
437
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,846
I mowed 40 lawns
and made 186 bucks.
438
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:02,431
What is this thing?
439
00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:05,734
This thing is a helmet-cam so we
could see my perspective during the race.
440
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:09,871
I might add that you're
looking pretty nice, honey.
441
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:11,907
Thank you.
442
00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:13,074
Where are the boys?
443
00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:15,466
Across the street.
444
00:22:19,071 --> 00:22:20,416
So we're alone, huh?
445
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,484
Don't even think about it, Tim.
446
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,041
Come here, woman. Come here!
447
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:38,589
(screams)
448
00:22:57,777 --> 00:22:59,537
(announcer) Jonathan
Taylor Thomas!
449
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:06,884
Zachery Ty Bryan! A
big hand for Zachery!
450
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:12,456
The fantastic
Patricia Richardson!
451
00:23:13,959 --> 00:23:17,928
And Mr. Tim Allen! Right
down here - Tim Allen.
452
00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:23,066
Very good. Give everyone
a big round of applause!
452
00:23:24,305 --> 00:24:24,925
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