1
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:09,652
Hi there. Today in
the Tool Time corral,
2
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,055
we're talking about a
different kind of power.
3
00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:15,414
(spits) (ping)
4
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:20,897
Sawhorse power, 'cause a man
is judged by his pair of ponies.
5
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:22,466
That's right, partner.
6
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:25,135
And the sturdiest sawhorses
are made of pine or fir.
7
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:27,971
A good rule of thumb is it
should be sturdy enough
8
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:30,562
to support Al's mom
after a big buffet.
9
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:36,013
You know, Tim, my shop
tastes normally run old-fashioned,
10
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:38,548
but when it comes
to the sawhorse,
11
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:42,319
I've decided to let my hair
down and switch to metal.
12
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,488
Now I'm a guy of the '90s.
13
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:47,024
Would that be 1890s, Al?
14
00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,026
This sawhorse is half the weight
15
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,928
and can easily be
moved around the job site.
16
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:54,964
(whistles) That was an
incredible demonstration, Al.
17
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:58,135
But if you want a sawhorse
that'll get you around the job site,
18
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,404
I got the stallion for you.
19
00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,005
Tim. Al.
20
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:04,774
Tim, where... where are y...
21
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:09,179
Well, while we're
waiting for Tim, I, uh...
22
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:12,049
I would... well, I'd
like to regale you
23
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:16,420
with an anecdote
about my first sawhorse.
24
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,755
Her name was Lilly.
25
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,191
(♪ "The Lone Ranger" theme)
26
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:24,583
(engine revs in time)
27
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:33,736
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
28
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,105
Whoa.
29
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,475
Your sawhorse has
an engine? Right.
30
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:41,778
It'll do 160 on the interstate.
31
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:44,114
Listen to this thing
idle. Take it out of gear.
32
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,449
Huh? Out of gear.
33
00:01:45,473 --> 00:01:47,551
Aah! Ohh!
34
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,708
(birds twittering)
35
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:57,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-
36
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:02,147
What do you think? Should
we put the kids in the middle?
37
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,098
Dad, can we use
the intercom yet?
38
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:10,667
Not yet.
39
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:13,170
We ran the speaker
wires to the amplifier,
40
00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,837
down to the transformer,
41
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,073
which we goosed
up to give it what?
42
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:18,508
More power!
43
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,478
Yeah.
44
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,480
Dad, is the transformer
45
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:26,516
the thing that you set on fire?
46
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,652
You call that a fire?
47
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:32,556
No, when I fixed the
water heater, that was a fire.
48
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,591
Right.
49
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,716
All right, I should be
able to get your mom now.
50
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,798
Hey, Jill, can you hear me?
51
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,466
Jill can you hear me?
52
00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:46,269
Of course I can hear
you. I'm right behind you.
53
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,271
Thought you were in the garage.
54
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,807
We're testing out the new
intercom. Today is the day.
55
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,577
That you come to your senses and
realize we don't need an intercom?
56
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:56,879
The day I come to my
senses is a long way off.
57
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,881
Mark, come on.
58
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,184
I'm gonna go buy
you some clothes.
59
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:04,020
I wanna stay here until
the intercom starts working.
60
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:07,112
Believe me, we'll be back
way before that happens.
61
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,362
Hey, Dad. Hey, Randy.
62
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,197
Hey, Jeremy. How you doin'?
63
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:15,699
Can't complain. All right.
64
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:18,000
(intercom whistles and hums)
65
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:21,705
What's that, The Emergency
Broadcast System?
66
00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,707
Yeah. We're at
war with the English.
67
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,709
Apparently they want
their muffins back.
68
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:28,211
(British accent) Line 'em
up. Give us our muffins.
69
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,347
Shine 'em up. Put
butter on 'em. I want...
70
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:33,182
All right, boys...
Dad, could we?
71
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:35,752
(normal voice) Oh.
72
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,754
Come on, we better get upstairs.
73
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,656
This thing could
blow at any minute.
74
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,892
Wait a minute. How can
you blow up an intercom?
75
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,661
You don't know my dad.
76
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:48,253
He blew up a dishwasher, a
blender and seven toasters.
77
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,535
Two blenders, five toasters.
78
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:54,537
He's had so many accidents,
79
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,396
the hospital gave him a
preferred customer card.
80
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:04,002
Two more head injuries,
we get a free trip to Hawaii!
81
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,540
(intercom whistling and humming)
82
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,291
(Jeremy) Boy, your dad's
funny. I wish my dad was like that.
83
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:17,294
(Randy) No, you don't.
My dad's a total goofball.
84
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,128
Ever see "Tool Time"?
85
00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,565
I thought all those screwups
were just an act. Are you kidding?
86
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:25,568
They're thinking of changing the
name of the show to "Fool Time."
87
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:28,805
(both laugh)
88
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,630
(intercom whistles and hums)
89
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:34,977
Hi, Mom.
90
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,447
Hi. Where have you
been? At the library.
91
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,816
Why, did they install
video games there?
92
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:43,019
No. I went to check out a book.
93
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:45,254
You checked out a book?
94
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,558
David Copperfield? Since when
have you been into Charles Dickens?
95
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:51,149
Mom, I love Charles Dickens.
96
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:58,289
"No author has more brilliantly
captured the poignancy of youth."
97
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,738
Give me a break.
98
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,740
Why did you check out that book?
99
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:07,444
All right. Jennifer's starting to
like this new guy named Lance.
100
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,446
They talk about
reading all the time,
101
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,514
and this is Jennifer's
favorite book.
102
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,783
So you said it was
your favorite, too?
103
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,919
Well, yeah. Now I
can talk to her about it.
104
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,422
You must be really
worried about Jennifer,
105
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:23,192
'cause David
Copperfield is a long book.
106
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,094
How bad can it be?
107
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,096
On his last TV special,
108
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:29,298
he made the Statue
of Liberty disappear.
109
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:33,336
Oh, no! Oh, no, no,
no. Honey, no. No.
110
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,105
This is not David
Copperfield the magician.
111
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:39,442
This is David Copperfield
the tortured waif.
112
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:43,279
You know, 64 chapters' worth.
113
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:46,583
Oh, man. "Oh, man" is right.
114
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:48,774
(intercom whistling and humming)
115
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,523
Tim!
116
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,924
Tim!
117
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,460
What? Oh!
118
00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:00,229
The airplanes flying around are
causing all the static on this thing.
119
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,231
Why don't you
just call the airport
120
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:06,369
and tell 'em that they're
interfering with your intercom?
121
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:09,372
(high-pitched whine)
122
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:12,809
Stupid thing. Stupid intercom!
123
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:16,045
Is something bothering you? No.
124
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,881
So slugging the intercom
125
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:20,750
is just part of the
installation process?
126
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:24,320
Does Randy seem
different to you lately?
127
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:26,523
What do you mean?
128
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:29,559
He was making fun of
me in front of Jeremy.
129
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,729
What kind of guy makes jokes
at other people's expense?
130
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:35,164
I don't know. Maybe
we should ask Al.
131
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,667
We work together. We have
a give-and-take relationship.
132
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,669
I give it, he takes
it. That's different.
133
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,672
Randy jokes about you, you joke
about Randy. That's just your relationship.
134
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:44,541
This is behind my back.
135
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,843
What were you doing,
eavesdropping on him?
136
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:50,079
No. The intercom in his room
was on. I just heard him talking.
137
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,082
You mean it was
actually working?
138
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:56,686
For a second or so, yeah.
139
00:07:56,710 --> 00:08:00,230
He was talking about how I
screw up all the time at work.
140
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,392
Well...
141
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:08,197
Honey, it's not
exactly a state secret.
142
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:11,200
He said they should
change the name of the show
143
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,202
from Tool Time to Fool Time?
144
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,538
If this is really
bothering you this much,
145
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,874
I think you should
talk to him about it.
146
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:21,210
I don't wanna talk to him.
You can't let stuff like this fester.
147
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:24,881
Sure I can. Guys
always let stuff fester.
148
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,851
Remember The Addams Family?
149
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:30,720
Uncle Fester, not Aunt Fester.
150
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,089
Whoa. Excellent point, Tim.
151
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,626
I'll call him down here.
152
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:39,729
Hey, Randy, come down here. I
want to talk to you for a minute.
153
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,397
(high-pitched whine)
154
00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,199
(man) Flight 211,
155
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,223
you're clear for takeoff
on runway seven.
156
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,943
Man, I finally got
through the introduction.
157
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,445
Man, by the time
you finish that book,
158
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:59,348
Jennifer's gonna
be a grandmother.
159
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,385
Yeah, but if I wanna keep
her, I have to get through it.
160
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:05,622
Why? You never read
anything for a girl before.
161
00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,624
Yeah, but this is junior high.
162
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,326
You have to work a lot
harder to impress the girls.
163
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:15,164
So sticking straws up your
nose doesn't work anymore?
164
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,556
Oh, no. That's still big.
165
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,038
Hey, guys. Hi, Dad.
166
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:25,041
Would you mind going downstairs
for a minute so I can talk to Randy?
167
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,110
Come on, Dad. I'm trying
to read. You can read it later.
168
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,946
"David Copperfield"?
That guy's great.
169
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:33,404
He made the Statue
of Liberty disappear.
170
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,988
Wrong guy, Dad. This
is about the tragic waif.
171
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,946
Oh, yeah, the tragic waif.
172
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,929
Can we talk for a minute?
173
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,931
If you wanted to talk to me,
174
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,533
why didn't you just call
me on the intercom?
175
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:54,336
Or is that still picking
up ambulance calls?
176
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,773
You really bust my chops
sometimes, you know?
177
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,676
Well, Dad, you make it so easy.
178
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,678
But you could go over the line,
179
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,813
like that little
conversation with Jeremy.
180
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,815
We were just kidding around.
181
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:07,984
You think calling me
names is kidding around?
182
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,053
I didn't call you names.
183
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:13,056
I heard you call me a goofball.
184
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,357
What, were you
standing outside my door?
185
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,359
No, I heard it
through the intercom.
186
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:19,862
Oh, so is that why
you put it in... No.
187
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:21,864
So you could spy on me?
188
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:23,866
You ever hear of a
thing called privacy?
189
00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,535
Have you ever heard of a thing
called respect for your father?
190
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:30,406
What about respect for me? You were
eavesdropping. It was an accident, kid.
191
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,610
The point is, you called
my work Fool Time. So?
192
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:36,946
So? Tool Time puts clothes on
your back and food in your stomach.
193
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,115
Look at me when
I'm talking to you.
194
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,450
I heard what you said. And?
195
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,721
If you didn't grunt like an ape
and break things all the time,
196
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:47,624
maybe your show
wouldn't be such a joke.
197
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,626
Hey, wait a minute.
My show's a joke?
198
00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:52,017
So that means I'm a joke to you?
199
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,065
I got a joke for you. I
got a good joke for you.
200
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,001
Here's the punch line - a week.
201
00:10:58,025 --> 00:11:00,003
What's the question?
(imitates buzzer) Too late.
202
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,505
The question is, "How long
are you gonna be grounded for?"
203
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:05,864
That's a joke. You're not laughing.
Maybe you heard that one before.
204
00:11:10,537 --> 00:11:13,616
Hey, Mark, can you hear me?
205
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,252
Mark, can you hear me?! What?
206
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,855
Can you hear me on the intercom?
207
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:21,691
Dad, I can't hear you! What?
208
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,960
Dad, I can't read
with all this yelling!
209
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,461
Would you quiet down?
210
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:28,131
Boy, how did we ever get
along without this intercom?
211
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:30,867
That's why I installed it, so
we wouldn't have all this yelling.
212
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,170
Hey, Mark, tell you what.
Turn up the volume real loud!
213
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,605
What?! Ahh!
214
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,876
How's David Copperfield
coming? Pretty slow.
215
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:43,412
Well, stick with
it. It's a classic.
216
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,581
What ever happens
to Aunt Betsey?
217
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:48,785
Aunt Betsey? Well...
218
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:52,021
Come on, honey. What
did happen to Aunt Betsey?
219
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:55,491
You read the book, didn't
you? Of course I read it.
220
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,494
I just don't want to
spoil the ending for him.
221
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,229
(horn honks)
222
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,398
Honey, get your
bag. See you, Dad.
223
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:05,634
Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
Bye-bye, sweetie. Get a coat on.
224
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,304
Here, Randy. Bye, Mom.
225
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,307
(whispers) Say
something to your father.
226
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,609
Oh, yeah. Dad, by the way,
227
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:17,413
I'm still getting the all-Spanish
station through my intercom.
228
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,917
That's real funny.
Don't quit your day job.
229
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,852
Bye, sweetie.
230
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:24,954
Well, that was real adult.
231
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:28,057
(kid's voice)
Well, he started it.
232
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,860
Honey, you know what
kids are like this age.
233
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,895
They say a lot of
really mean things.
234
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,897
Brad never called me a joke.
235
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,600
No, he just broke windows and
got brought home by the police,
236
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:38,768
you remember that?
237
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,470
Why can't Randy
be more like that?
238
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,306
I was just like Randy
when I was his age.
239
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:47,610
You wouldn't believe the
things I used to say to my mother.
240
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,713
Worse things than
I've said to her?
241
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:54,751
Way worse. I remember there was
this one time, she called me a nickname...
242
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,753
She always called
me this nickname,
243
00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:59,021
but this time she
said it when I was 14.
244
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:02,324
We'd just moved to a new place, and
she said it in front of all my new friends.
245
00:13:02,348 --> 00:13:04,160
I was so mad at her.
246
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,295
You wouldn't believe
the things that I called her.
247
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:09,298
Forget what you called
her. What was the nickname?
248
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:12,401
Oh, yeah, like I'm
really gonna tell you.
249
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,804
Come on, what was the nickname?
250
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:18,841
You have to swear that you won't
breathe a word of it to anybody.
251
00:13:18,865 --> 00:13:23,179
Cross my heart, hope to die, hope
a wrench hits me right in the eye.
252
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,581
Jilly-Dilly.
253
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:27,884
(laughs)
254
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,919
Jilly-Dilly.
255
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:33,222
I don't want to hear this name
in this house ever again, all right?
256
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:36,759
I might have to say it on
Tool Time. Don't you dare.
257
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:40,029
So, did you get what I was
trying to tell you about Randy?
258
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:41,463
I suppose.
259
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,366
It really hurts that he
thinks that I'm a joke.
260
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,036
I try to be a real good
father to these boys.
261
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,939
You're a great father.
And I'm a cool father.
262
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,407
Very cool.
263
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,178
I can burp with the best
of 'em. Yes, you can.
264
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:58,047
I can turn my eyelids
inside out and do that.
265
00:13:58,071 --> 00:13:59,315
Like nobody else.
266
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:02,084
I can flick ear wax
20 feet across a room.
267
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,820
That's why I married you.
268
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,791
(Heidi) Does everybody
know what time it is? Tool Time!
269
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,793
That's right. Binford
Tools is proud to present
270
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:14,285
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor! Whoo!
271
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,499
Thank you, Heidi, and
welcome to Tool Time.
272
00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:19,535
I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor,
273
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:23,206
and you all know my
assistant, Al... Borland.
274
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,041
What's the matter, Tim?
275
00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:28,044
You run out of stupid middle
names? Is it my birthday?
276
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:31,202
I don't always have to joke
around. This isn't Fool Time.
277
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,585
Today we begin
the backyard fort.
278
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:39,021
Oh, boy, the kids'll love it.
279
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:42,024
We're gonna set our posts into the
dirt, so we need post-hole digging,
280
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:44,260
which is kind of tricky,
so... What the heck.
281
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,262
Let's not use the
motorized one today.
282
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:49,265
I'll show you all how to use the manual
post-hole digger. It's simpler to use.
283
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,500
You're suggesting the manual
one? I figured it'd be easier.
284
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,502
You've never suggested
the manual anything.
285
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:57,073
I thought maybe... Do you even
know what "manual" means?
286
00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:00,076
Does everything have
to be a joke around here?
287
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,112
The important thing to remember
when building anything for kids is safety.
288
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,814
You want to pad the whole
base area with woodchips.
289
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:08,817
Every year, over a quarter of a million
kids are hurt in playground accidents.
290
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,319
Keep that in mind.
291
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,344
Course, your original plans
called for a homemade cannon.
292
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,659
Well, maybe I went
a little over the top.
293
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,661
That's not my style today.
294
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,898
I find that a little
hard to believe, Tim.
295
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,400
What's the catch?
There is no catch.
296
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,735
I added a little
something fun for the kids -
297
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,405
a little signal button, almost
like a doorbell for the fort.
298
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,941
Press that and listen
to it. OK, I know. Ha-ha.
299
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:33,943
That wasn't in
the plans, either.
300
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:36,312
What, your little bell
will send 5,000 volts
301
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,781
coursing through my body?
302
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:42,451
While he stands back and
yells, "Remember the Al-amo!"
303
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,421
I just want you to
press the bell. I know...
304
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,757
It's just a setup, isn't it? It's
one big setup. It is not a setup!
305
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,760
Soon you'll start in with the
uncalled-for slams against my mother...
306
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,829
How she always shops
in the husky section.
307
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:56,299
How she wiped out the
all-you-can-eat salad bar.
308
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,734
I simply came out here
to put this thing together.
309
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:02,493
Go ahead. Just say it.
My mother is a big fat cow!
310
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,582
Goodness gracious, Al.
311
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:17,126
We'll be right back after these
messages from Binford Tools.
312
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,260
Hi-ho, neighbor.
313
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:26,829
Look what I just
found here in my yard.
314
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:31,200
Holy moly, Wilson. It's a rock!
315
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,669
Oh, no, Tim. It's
not just a rock.
316
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,572
This is laminated
dolomitic micrite.
317
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:39,775
This was here even when
the dinosaurs roamed the earth.
318
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:44,113
Imagine if this
400-million-year-old rock could talk.
319
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:47,916
Hey, brontosaurus! Why don't
you aim that someplace else?
320
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:49,218
(laughs)
321
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,354
Always the jokester, Tim.
322
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:54,623
Not today. I was real
serious on Tool Time today.
323
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:58,660
I'm surprised by that, knowing
your propensity for jocularity.
324
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,430
I did it to make a
point with Randy.
325
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,333
He said I act like
an idiot on the show.
326
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,502
Ooh, ouch. That hurts.
327
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,038
Well, this may be
small consolation, Tim,
328
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:11,073
but parents are the bone
329
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:13,175
on which children
sharpen their teeth.
330
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,366
You're right.
That's no help at all.
331
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:20,349
What I'm saying is, when a boy
is young, he worships his father.
332
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,019
In order for the boy
to become a man,
333
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:26,288
he's got to start seeing his
father as a fallible human being,
334
00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:28,824
stop seeing him as a god.
335
00:17:28,848 --> 00:17:31,860
It was easier when he
thought of me as a god.
336
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,363
Well, you've still got
some time left with Mark.
337
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:37,366
Yeah, I know, but I sure
would miss this stuff with Randy.
338
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,169
Our relationship is real
special. He's a lot like me.
339
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:43,172
We make jokes about each
other, but we laugh about it.
340
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,174
I'm sure you're
gonna miss that, Tim,
341
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,176
but for the next
four, five years
342
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,645
he's gonna seem
like a different person.
343
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,880
I wasn't like that with
my dad. I worshipped him.
344
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,116
How old were you
again when he died?
345
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:55,317
11.
346
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:58,254
How old is Randy
now? 12, going on...
347
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,523
(grunts) Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
348
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:03,526
Yeah. I didn't have a
chance to be rude to my dad,
349
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:06,028
'cause he died before
I got the chance.
350
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:07,552
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
351
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,667
Boy, having kids
is tough, you know?
352
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,225
Why do you think I have rocks?
353
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:21,544
Hi, Brad. Hi, Mom.
354
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:24,380
What are you doing? You taking
a break from David Copperfield?
355
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,881
I stopped reading it.
356
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,883
I decided if a girl's
gonna like me,
357
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,119
she's gonna like
me for who I am.
358
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:32,821
She dumped you, huh?
359
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,256
Yep.
360
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,315
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
361
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,529
Are you OK?
362
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:43,332
I mean, I know how
much you like Jennifer.
363
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:46,034
Yeah, but she's really changed.
364
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:48,370
Now she's into reading
and classical music.
365
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,139
When I first met her,
366
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,641
she was into cool stuff
like clothes and hair.
367
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:56,145
Well... gee.
368
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:58,180
I guess this means that...
369
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:01,750
I'm not gonna get to
see her anymore, huh?
370
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,420
It's OK, Mom.
There'll be other girls.
371
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,976
Yeah, I know.
372
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,758
I know.
373
00:19:09,782 --> 00:19:14,163
It's just that, you know...
I... I really liked her,
374
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:16,832
and I didn't get to say goodbye.
375
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:19,390
It feels kind of unresolved.
376
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:25,774
Do you want me to have her
come over and she can dump you?
377
00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:28,277
Where's Randy? I
think he's up in his room.
378
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:31,280
I gotta talk to him. I just
found out I'm not God.
379
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,538
Oh, Tim, I'm so sorry.
380
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,174
(mumbles)
381
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,990
Hey, Randy, got a minute?
382
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,534
According to you,
I've got a week.
383
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:49,097
The other day, you said some
things that were really out of line,
384
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:52,301
but I've decided that to ground
you is probably not the answer.
385
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,603
Great. Catch you
later. Hold on a second.
386
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,605
I know what's going on here.
387
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,607
You're at the point in your life
388
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:01,098
where you have to clean
your teeth on my bones.
389
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:04,613
What?
390
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:08,317
For the next couple years,
you're not gonna be yourself.
391
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,386
Who am I gonna be?
392
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,754
A little wise guy that
smarts off to people
393
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:15,424
that a lot of people
will think is a big jerk.
394
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,426
Chip off the old block, eh?
395
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,261
It's started already. What?
396
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:22,364
Adolescence - the
age of obnoxiousness.
397
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,866
Every kid goes
through this stuff,
398
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,636
and I'm just gonna wait
for you on the other side.
399
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:30,706
So you're saying it's OK
for me to make fun of you?
400
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,975
No, I didn't say that.
I said I understand it.
401
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:36,612
It's just your way of
rebelling against me, I think.
402
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:39,582
Well, did you rebel
against your father?
403
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:43,519
Uh... he died before
I could be a real jerk.
404
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:46,455
He'd be proud if he
could see you now.
405
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:48,224
Hey-hey...
406
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:51,560
That's another good
example of high obnoxious art.
407
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:53,562
Uh, but the issue is here,
408
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,098
I don't want you making
jokes about my job.
409
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,766
Deal.
410
00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,768
Or me getting hurt
and screwing things up.
411
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:02,238
Anything that makes me look bad.
412
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:05,040
What's left to joke about?
413
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:06,697
Mom.
414
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:12,814
All right. Hey, Dad...
415
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:16,741
I'm sorry that you never got a chance
to be obnoxious with your father.
416
00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:19,477
Me too.
417
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,891
You know,
418
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:25,427
there was this one
time when I was nine,
419
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,696
I really got him
steamed up, though.
420
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,821
He finally let me play
with his butane torch.
421
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:35,170
Well, what happened?
422
00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:37,728
I got to ride in a fire truck...
423
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,965
and we got a new garage.
424
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,505
(horn honks/ siren wails)
425
00:21:50,376 --> 00:21:51,520
Hey, guys.
426
00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:53,855
Nice shot. Nice dunk.
427
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:56,679
You wanna hear something
real funny about your mother?
428
00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:03,666
She's not really married to you?
429
00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:06,001
How long do you want
to stay up in your room?
430
00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:08,370
Hey, don't blame me.
It was adolescence.
431
00:22:08,394 --> 00:22:10,872
All right, listen, what do
you think Nana called her
432
00:22:10,896 --> 00:22:12,374
when she was little?
433
00:22:12,398 --> 00:22:15,577
Jill?
434
00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:18,414
A name that might annoy her.
435
00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:19,804
Tim.
436
00:22:21,874 --> 00:22:24,720
Back off, all right?
What did she call her?
437
00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:26,888
When she was real little,
Nana used to call her...
438
00:22:26,912 --> 00:22:29,112
(Jill) Don't even
think about it, Tim.
439
00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:32,127
It works!
440
00:22:32,151 --> 00:22:34,763
Of course it works. I
know what I'm doing.
441
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:37,466
Al's down here. He fixed it.
442
00:22:37,490 --> 00:22:39,468
(Al) Hi, Tim. How you doin'?
443
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:41,470
Pretty good, Al. Thanks.
444
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:43,706
So, what did Nana call Mom?
445
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:48,276
I couldn't compromise
her trust in me.
446
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:51,347
(Jill) I heard that
Magic Marker.
447
00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:53,371
Some unit, isn't it?
448
00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:57,085
Thank you, everybody,
and thank you, Heidi.
449
00:22:57,109 --> 00:23:00,811
Welcome to Tool Time. I
am Tool... Tim.. What the...
450
00:23:10,556 --> 00:23:14,135
You all know my
assistant Al Borland.
451
00:23:14,159 --> 00:23:17,639
What's the matter, Tim?
No stupid middle name?
452
00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:19,475
Did you r... Is it my birthday?
453
00:23:19,499 --> 00:23:21,866
We don't always
have... (cackles)
453
00:23:22,305 --> 00:24:22,492
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