Good night, Al. Good night, Heidi.
Good show tonight, Al. You think so?
You insulted me 17 times.
You're right. Great show!
Tim. Al.
Hi, Heidi. Hi.
Super episode. Right up there with Vila.
Thanks, Wes. Thank you, President Davidson.
He's president of Binford Tools, not the United States, Al.
So how are my friends at Tool Time?
Beats me. I don't think you have any.
You know, Tim, you're as funny now as when we first started selling tools.
I remember that.
You know, Wes here was Binford's best number-two tool salesman.
Boy, I can't remember the guy's name that was
number one. Who was the number-one salesman?
It was you, Tim. Was it me?
But we all know who's number one now, don't we?
Yes, we do, Mr. President.
Al, I really enjoyed the "What's New" segment,
and it started my little gray cells churning.
Mm-hm? Seems like it churned the hair right off your head.
Hey! Hey.
The hair's off-limits, Taylor.
It's off your scalp, too.
Anyway...
we just finished the prototype for a new reciprocating saw.
I didn't know we were developing one. You didn't know I'd be
your boss one day either. Gentlemen, the Binford 6100,
with state-of-the-art electronic feedback control.
(grunts) Oh, I love that in a saw! Boy.
Look how thin she is. And she's light.
And look at this, there's a pistol grip. Down, boy!
I thought it would be perfect if you could
give it a sneak preview on Friday's segment.
That's a very good idea.
We can see now why you're number one.
Thanks, Al.
Well, back to work.
Bye, Al. See you, Timmy.
So long, Wessy. See you, Mr. President.
Why don't you just glue your lips to his butt?
There's no need to be snitty.
Besides, I think you're overlooking something very important
that has just happened here.
(both) We got a new tool!
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There's nothing to eat in this house.
Hey, Randy. What's in the pantry?
We got some garlic powder, nutmeg and fennel.
What's fennel?
That's what Al's shirts are made of.
Hey, guys, are you here? (Brad) Yeah.
Oh, I'm so sorry I'm late. What a day!
The computers all went down at work,
and then I had a library fundraiser meeting, and I got this headache -
I thought my head was going to explode.
Mom, we're completely out of food.
Thank you for caring.
You father and I just went to the grocery
store two days ago. How can there be no food?
There's no food!
Gosh! You guys are just like piranhas in blue jeans.
OK, I'll order a pizza for tonight. Tomorrow I'll go to the grocery store.
Can you make sure the food is here by the time we get home from school?
Why don't I just meet you at the bus stop?
I can serve you as you get off.
You're always thinking, Mom.
Here's what I'm thinking:
tomorrow I'm gonna give you boys some money.
Yeah! Money! I'm gonna send you to the grocery store.
You're gonna buy everything I tell you to - nothing else.
Oh, man!
And when I say potatoes I don't mean potato chips.
And milk does not mean Milk Duds, OK?
Can we at least get something sweet?
You could buy me some flowers - that'd be sweet.
Hi, everybody. Oh, hi.
How is the best gosh-darn family in the whole world?
You got a new tool, didn't you? (grunts) Yeah!
Binford's coming out with a new saw.
I get to promote it on the show. Tonight I get to try it out in the garage -
if you'll help move the hot rod chassis out.
Is it a power saw? You bet.
I'll get the candles. I'll get the Band-Aids.
Honey, are you still here? It's two in the morning.
Come over here, Jill. Look at this.
Know what I found out when I took this apart?
That you couldn't put it back together?
This is an inferior tool.
I'm embarrassed to have it in the garage
breathing the same air as the rest of my stuff.
Honey, I know they're like little people to you, but get a grip.
No, no, no. Look at these washers.
These are plastic washers, plastic screws.
I knew this'd happen when Davidson took over.
He doesn't care about quality the way I do.
No kidding. I saw his wife at a Christmas party.
Binford would have never made a tool like this.
The length of the stroke isn't even half an inch.
Well, that may be obvious to you and me, but...
Davidson may not know that this is a bad tool.
How could he not know this is a bad tool?
He's been sitting behind a desk for ten years.
You're right. Even when we were selling tools together -
- get this, he didn't know the difference between a spline shank and a two-flute.
That was exactly my reaction.
Honey, if you tell him that this is a bad tool,
he may not want you to promote it.
You think so? Yeah. You should go talk to him.
Maybe you're right. I'm always right.
Why is that? 'Cause I'm so smart.
If you're so smart, Mrs. Magna Cum Lately,
why don't you help me put it back together.
Absolutely not.
See, I'm getting smarter all the time.
Well, here we are. Have a seat.
Mr. Davidson will be with you shortly.
Thanks, Laura.
Oh, by the way, Al, all of us here at Binford love you.
I bet we both have a lot of fans around here.
Well, like I said, Mr. Davidson will be with you shortly.
Why did we have to come here?
You know I'm not good at confronting superiors.
Al, you got to speak up.
If a kiss-up like you has a complaint, he'll take it seriously.
Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late. Hello, Mr. President.
Comfortable, Tim? How can I not be? It's so homey in here.
How are you guys? You want anything?
We want you to scrap production on the 6100.
I was thinking more along the lines of coffee or tea.
It's an inferior tool. Both Al and I agree.
Is this true, Al?
I would like some tea.
The point is I took it home last night
and fiddled around with it. Al tried it this morning.
The motor's really too small, Wes.
There's all those plastic parts in it.
Do you have chamomile?
The whole thing is cheesy and lightweight.
We feel that the lighter weight parts make it easier to use.
Particularly for the ladies. The ladies?
My wife was just remarking the other night,
"When are they gonna make a reciprocating saw for me?
"Something small you can put in a cocktail purse. Or maybe hang it like a pendant.
Maybe some drop earrings out of it."
With all due respect, Mr. President, I... I did try it.
And I felt that it wasn't up to Binford's usually high standards.
Al, it's a perfectly fine tool. We just found some new,
innovative manufacturing techniques.
Don't you mean you found a cheaper way to make it, Wes?
All right, forget all this stuff, OK?
The basic design is there. With modifications, we got a great tool.
All you need is a heavier casing,
go from plastic to metal washers...
Guys! I'm happy with the saw as is.
Fine. Let's just see how happy you are when we will not promote it on Tool Time.
Tim, it's very simple.
(hits hole in one)
Binford makes tools. Binford makes Tool Time.
Your point? If the show won't promote our products,
we have no reason continue it. At least, not with you.
Don't threaten me, Wes.
Al?
You can cancel my tea... sir.
Mom, we're back! We got everything on the list.
(Jill) Everything?
Everything except the garlic gloves.
Garlic gloves?
That's garlic cloves, honey.
Oh. Then we had Mark smelling gloves for nothing.
Uh-oh! What is all this stuff?
There's licorice here, potato chips, chocolate-covered peanuts.
These things were not on the list.
We bought it with the money we had left over.
You shouldn't have had any money left over.
We're smart shoppers. Yeah.
This fruit is bruised.
The crackers are smushed.
What's with this can of spaghetti sauce?
Mom, it was half the price 'cause it was dented.
Great. We can have spaghetti al dente.
That's a good idea.
Did you buy anything that wasn't damaged?
Yeah, the chicken. We couldn't find any dented ones.
Why didn't you just throw it up against the wall before you got to the register?
See, Randy? I told you we should do that.
Well, thanks for trying.
Hi, everybody.
Back from shopping. How'd it go?
There's no labels on these.
What is it? It could be succotash or dog food.
With the way Mom cooks, I don't think it makes a difference.
(Jill) I heard that!
So how'd it go with Davidson? Huh!
You know what they say, honey. A weasel is a weasel...
is a weasel!
That good, huh?
I guess the bottom line is, I either promote the tool or he fires me.
What?
I don't think he can hurt "The Tool Man" Tim Taylor.
He's the president of the company. He has the power to fire you.
Who's he gonna replace me with? Borland?
Al's show now? Flannel Time? Who's gonna watch that?
OK, tell me about this tool. Does it work?
It works.
Is it unsafe?
No, it's not unsafe, but this isn't the point.
Is this really about the tool?
Or is it about your problem with Davidson?
I don't have a problem with Davidson.
You think he's a weasel.
I don't have a problem with that.
OK, if it's not about Davidson and the tool is safe.
Are you really willing to lose your job over this?
Binford has always stood for quality tools.
This is a bad reciprocating saw.
What's next? A rubber miter box? Styrofoam nails?
Is there no way you can compromise? Jill...
a lot of guys watch the show and buy tools because I recommend them on the show.
It's a responsibility I don't take lightly.
All right. "All right" what?
All right, I'm behind you - whatever you decide to do.
Even if I lose my job and I've gotta go back on selling tools on the road?
I won't see you, but I'll be behind you.
That's why I love you.
And you don't think I'm crazy?
That's a separate issue.
Hey, Dad, remember the landing gear you fixed on my plane yesterday?
Did a good job, didn't I?
I guess the glue didn't work.
Oh. I can't figure that out my thumb was stuck to the work bench for three hours.
Well, I'll fix it again.
You like me being Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, don't you?
Yeah!
You know, I also used to be a tool salesman.
I was the best salesman Binford ever had.
I know. How do you know?
You told me a million times.
I didn't tell you about being on the road, though. Staying in hotels -
you get to make a big mess and someone else cleans up after you.
Doesn't Mom do that?
Yeah, but the chambermaid doesn't give you those nasty looks.
You get to eat all the food you want - get bloated and all gassy at night.
That doesn't sound so good.
Oh, but rental cars. You can do whatever you want to 'em.
Commuter flights. (imitates plane sputtering)
"Is that wing supposed to be doing that?" (imitates plane nose-diving)
Oh, boy. Staying up late. Talking to your kids by phone.
Never being home for holidays. I hated doing that.
Dad, if you were a tool salesman, you'd never be home with us.
I wanna be home with you guys. I wanna do Tool Time.
That's really the life I like.
Here you go.
It stinks, Wilson.
Well, Tim, you can't expect a compost heap to smell like fine perfume.
No, I'm referring to the situation with that weasel Davidson.
It's a lose-lose situation.
I either promote a tool that I don't believe in, or I risk losing my job?!
Mm-hm-hm-hm-hm! That is quite a pickle.
You're right, Wilson. It's a real predicament.
No, I was referring to the big dill between the coffee grounds and the eggshells.
Wilson, could we?
Oh, I'm sorry, Tim.
You know, it was Robert Ingersoll, a 19th-century lawyer, who said:
"It is a blessed thing that in every age
somebody has had the courage to stand by their convictions."
A lawyer said that?!
On the other hand, I'm reminded of a general named Pyrrhus.
That's right.
It was a Greek general who fought the Romans.
His army won the war, but he lost so many men,
it might just as well have been a defeat.
Today we call that a Pyrrhic victory.
What are you saying? That this might not be worth the fight?
It wasn't for Pyrrhus. It may be for you.
You see, Tim, when it's a question of integrity, there are no easy answers.
I could come back.
You're right, Wilson. This is really a pickle.
And I don't mean that dill.
So? What are you gonna do about the reciprocating saw?
I'm gonna do my job, Al.
You're not gonna promote it on the show, are you?
What about your principles?
I don't wanna end up in a Pyrex victory, all right?
What?
Does everybody know what time it is? Tool Time!
That's right. Binford Tools is proud to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!
Thank you.
Thank you, everybody, and welcome to Tool Time.
I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, and you all know my assistant Al Borland.
Today we finish up "What's New" this week on Tool Time.
Got a little surprise. How would you guys all like to see
a top-secret prototype of a new tool from Binford?
Yeah!
Well, prepare your eyes, cover 'em if you're a child, 'cause here we go.
(audience) Whoa!
"Whoa" is right. Look at this.
The new Binford 6100 reciprocating saw.
(audience gasps) Phew!
Huh? Every tool Binford makes goes through a rigorous quality-control system
to make sure it's top of the line.
And the Binford 6100...
bombed out big-time.
Al, if you wanna walk away, I'll understand.
I never walk away from a tool in need.
That's right.
The Binford 6100 bombed out of every single test we threw at her.
And... and I bet you're wondering who's responsible for making a tool like this.
It's the new president of Binford Tools, Wes Davidson. He's right over there.
A man who doesn't mind a bad tool.
As long as it's made by somebody else.
'Cause if it says Binford on it, it's gotta be the best.
I think Wes Davidson deserves a big round of applause. Wes.
Come on over here, Wes.
Come on!
It's because of this man
you'll only see quality products in your hardware store.
Wes, tell us a little bit about the problem you had developing the 6100.
Please, tell us.
I'd be glad to, guys.
We found that the motor was a little underpowered.
And the casing?
And the casing would have been a little stronger had we used metal.
Hm. What are you gonna do with it?
Well, in the interests of the consumer, I've decided to hold off production.
(dramatic gasp)
Isn't this the kind of guy you want selling you tools?
(audience) Yeah!
Uh, I got an idea. Heidi, would you bring out the Binford Big Boy ZX?
Sure, Tim.
Here on Tool Time, when we have a tool or product
that doesn't measure up to our standards,
we give it an... Ooh! Interesting farewell.
Heidi?
The Binford tool masher.
Al, you wanna take the honors here?
I don't think so, Tim.
But perhaps Wes would like to.
How about it, Mr. President?
All right! Just shove it right in there.
Watch your hands!
(machine whirring and clunking)
And what we end up with...
is the new Binford 6100...
paperweight.
("Tool Time" theme tune on TV)
Honey, I'm so proud of you.
It took a lot of integrity to stand up to Davidson like that.
Well, I'd like to say it was no big deal.
No, it was a big deal.
However, if you had lost your job,
it wouldn't have been the worst thing.
What do you mean? I'd have to go back to selling tools
and be on the road for 30 weeks.
And the downside would be?
You'd miss me.
Until Jake the pool boy dropped by.
We don't have a pool. We'd get one.
Maybe I'll just stay home. That'd be OK, too.
Since I'd be the major breadwinner, you'd have to stay home
and do the laundry and the cooking
and the shopping, cleaning...
30 weeks isn't that long.
I'd have two very interesting options.
On the one hand, you would stay home and do the laundry.
And on the other hand, I would get the pool guy.
Oh, honey!
I'd never trade you for anybody.
Unless I could get a pool boy who did the laundry.
(woman) ...four, three, two...
(loud "Tool Time" theme tune)
(laughter)
Did it scare you?
Loud theme song! So loud!
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