1
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:11,388
Well, we continue
our week-long salute...
2
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:14,458
(toilet flushes)
3
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:15,993
to bathrooms.
4
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:18,395
We've already finished our basic
plumbing installation process.
5
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,263
Now we move on
to a thing called style.
6
00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:23,633
Women call this
"accessorizing the bathroom."
7
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:27,704
We gotta talk about some of this
stuff. Like, what are these things?
8
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:30,607
This is a flower decal to
prevent slipping in your tub.
9
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,510
I have these at home.
10
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,213
Why doesn't that surprise me?
11
00:00:36,237 --> 00:00:38,348
Now, men, what do you wanna
do? Stand on a decal like this,
12
00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:42,319
or the new M1
Battle Tank series?
13
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:45,744
Or you could use what I
use at home - the Al decal.
14
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:51,995
So you step all over me like you
do here? I like taking my work home.
15
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:55,165
Toilet seat and seat
covers. Seat covers?
16
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:59,136
Men don't need a seat cover. We
don't even need a squishy seat like this.
17
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,439
Toilet seats were just
invented so women won't fall in.
18
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,829
(woman screams) (splash)
19
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,967
Now, here's a toilet seat, huh?
20
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,474
What is in this? Barbed wire.
21
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,256
And these - a woman's
idea of soap by the bath.
22
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:23,593
(lisps) Little roses and
little hearts and pigs.
23
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,129
How do you lather up with a pig?
24
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:29,166
Goodness knows you've tried.
25
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:33,292
What men need... Big
bruiser soap like this.
26
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:39,242
Football soap. Football
soap on a rope, Al.
27
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:42,045
Perfect for the underarms,
28
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:44,470
the ears... (soap squeaks)
29
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:48,207
Al, get naked, go long.
30
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:53,245
You were gonna do that
for a minute, weren't you?
31
00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:01,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.com ] ==-
32
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,584
Well, what do you think? Should
we put the kids in the middle?
33
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:13,002
Whoa, Mom, why did
we get such a big turkey?
34
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,239
I thought Grandma and Grandpa
aren't coming over for Thanksgiving.
35
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:20,477
Well, who can blame them after
the food fight you started last year?
36
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:24,102
Hey. Nana got in a couple
of nice shots, all right?
37
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:28,151
The reason we have
such a big turkey
38
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,887
is because Al and
Ilene are coming.
39
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,689
Al's bringing a girl?
40
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:36,626
Yeah, she's that dentist
who makes all the teeth jokes.
41
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,361
She's an orthodontist.
42
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,598
And the way your teeth are
coming in, you'd better be nice to her.
43
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,333
OK, guys, will you go back out
44
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:45,624
and get the rest
of the groceries?
45
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,505
Honey, great news.
46
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:50,640
The lumber showed
up and I'm ready to roll.
47
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:54,177
Lumber? What's
that for? Uh... (laughs)
48
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,346
I went by the
lumberyard. I had a vision.
49
00:03:56,370 --> 00:03:58,548
Yeah, you have a vision every
time you go by the lumber yard.
50
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:01,818
That's why when I'm in the
car we never go that way.
51
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,553
Remember, you said this year
52
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,055
you didn't wanna take the same
old boring Christmas card photo.
53
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,826
Yeah. Now, what are you building?
And don't even think about it.
54
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,828
This'll be great.
I got this vision
55
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,264
that'll capture the real
spirit of the Taylor family,
56
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,565
just like we really are.
57
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:18,134
Oh, Tim, these pictures
are going out to my family.
58
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:21,326
I don't want them to
know who we really are.
59
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,407
You're not sharing my vision.
60
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,711
That is what makes
our marriage work.
61
00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:29,212
Could you just
listen to me, please?
62
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:30,747
I'm thinking of
something simple.
63
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,049
You know, decorating
the tree, hanging the tinsel,
64
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,852
stringing popcorn,
that kind of stuff.
65
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:38,755
I was thinking the
exact same thing. Oh.
66
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:43,815
Except we'd be wearing
costumes at the North Pole.
67
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,466
And the "exact same
thing" part would be what?
68
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:53,069
Wait. Hey, guys, guys,
guys, come here. Come here.
69
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:57,641
Which would you rather do for
this year's Christmas card photo?
70
00:04:57,665 --> 00:05:00,277
String popcorn, hang
tinsel, get around the tree,
71
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:03,613
or dress up in
real cool costumes
72
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:07,317
and join me in Tim
Taylor's Christmas Village?
73
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,486
They both sound stupid. I agree.
74
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,221
Me too.
75
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,223
They'll come around.
Honey, come on.
76
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,225
We can start a new tradition.
Think of the possibilities.
77
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,361
This year, the Christmas
Village. Next year -
78
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:22,231
Manger on the Moon.
You'd be in a spacesuit.
79
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:24,233
I don't wanna be on the moon.
80
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,403
Besides, everybody knows
a spacesuit adds 20 lbs.
81
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,104
Oh, honey.
82
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,440
Look, whatever happens,
83
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,108
if you don't like
it I guarantee you
84
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:35,111
we'll change it
and do it your way.
85
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:38,981
You promise you
won't get carried away?
86
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,839
Yes.
87
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:44,187
OK.
88
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,289
(doorbell)
89
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,792
It'll be perfect, and don't
worry about anything.
90
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:51,795
It'll be tasteful and simple.
91
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,129
Hey. Ooh.
92
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:56,120
I got a reindeer
here for a Tim Taylor.
93
00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:04,441
Does everybody know
what time it is? Tool Time!
94
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:06,443
That's right. Binford
Tools is proud to present
95
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:09,634
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor! Whoo!
96
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,486
Thank you, Heidi.
97
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,155
And welcome to
Tool Time's salute...
98
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,557
(toilet flushes)
99
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,958
to bathrooms.
100
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,493
Hi, I'm Tim "The
Tool Man" Taylor.
101
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,994
You all know my assistant Al
102
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:28,720
"It's My Potty, I'll Cry
If I Want To" Borland.
103
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,569
You can't resist the bathroom
humor, can you, Tim?
104
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:35,905
Not during our
salute... (toilet flushes)
105
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,507
to bathrooms.
106
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:39,141
You remember last
time I was telling you
107
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:41,611
how bathrooms have
become a woman's domain.
108
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,179
Well, not anymore,
since the crew and I
109
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,248
designed and built the
bathroom for men only.
110
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:47,950
Guys, bring out my bathroom.
111
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:50,475
(♪ "Also Sprach Zarathustra")
112
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:15,111
The man's bathroom. 100%,
you guessed it, stainless steel.
113
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:18,080
That's right. A man's
can. A John's john.
114
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:21,217
This will be on every man's
Christmas list this year.
115
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,286
We're gonna take you through a
typical male day in the bathroom.
116
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,588
Al, what's the first thing
you do when you get up?
117
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,157
I say to myself, "Oh,
boy, another wonderful day
118
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:32,729
of working side
by side with Tim."
119
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,864
What's the second
thing you do, Al?
120
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:38,267
I consider calling in sick.
121
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,736
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
122
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,838
Why don't we go through
my typical day then?
123
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:46,409
I get up, I scratch, I
get in the bathroom.
124
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:48,611
First I wanna get rid of
that horrible morning breath.
125
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,514
You got everything here
you need. You got your soap.
126
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:54,639
You got a little bit
of your mouthwash.
127
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,877
No, that's the soap.
That's the mouthwash.
128
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,060
To get that deep-down,
manly dirt off,
129
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,796
you gotta jump in
your multihead shower.
130
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,987
(satisfied moans)
131
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,136
Hop out, stand over
your built-in floor drain.
132
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,639
Gotta get dry real quick.
133
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,830
(dryer buzzes)
134
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:26,148
I'm dry. Well, ready to
shave. I can't shave in the dark.
135
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,184
I'll need my trusty...
136
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,286
headlights!
137
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:34,579
Also useful in case a deer
wanders into your bathroom.
138
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:40,385
For those pesky nose
hairs, you flip on your brights.
139
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:50,239
All right, all right.
140
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:53,409
Well... the bathroom
has everything,
141
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:58,036
including the brand-new
La-Z-Bowl reclining toilet.
142
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,462
It's plush when you flush.
143
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,932
And jukebox, phone and a rack
144
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,167
for your hot rod magazines
within easy reach.
145
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,469
If there were a
refrigerator in here,
146
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,939
you'd never have to leave.
147
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:25,630
Did you say "if"?
148
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,351
Brewski? You bet, buddy.
149
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:37,386
Between the beer
and the bathroom,
150
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,557
we call this a male
recycling center
151
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:43,593
Guys are going, "Jeez, Tim, you
spend so much time in the bathroom,
152
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:45,428
you won't know what's
going on in the big game."
153
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:48,053
Got it covered.
154
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,135
Go, go, go, go!
155
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,159
(both) Touchdown!
156
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:16,626
Man, once my friends see
this Christmas card, I'm dead.
157
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:20,830
There's no way I'm wearing
these ears. Me neither.
158
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,854
What?
159
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,569
Dad can't make us do this.
160
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:29,438
Yeah. I mean, you can't
make your kid be an elf.
161
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,796
There's gotta be a law.
162
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,647
Hey, Dad, we have
something to talk to you about.
163
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:39,203
Hey.
164
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,853
Welcome to Santa's
Christmas Village.
165
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:46,288
Dad, we don't wanna
be elves. What?
166
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:50,314
Yeah. We thought you
said we could all be Elvis.
167
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:55,720
(Jill) I can't believe this is
the outfit you chose for me.
168
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:03,940
Mrs. Claus would never
wear anything this skimpy.
169
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,742
Sure she would, if
Santa were out of town
170
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:08,499
and Mr. Mountie was stopping by.
171
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:12,982
I thought you said you
were gonna keep this simple.
172
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,817
It is simple. Guys, get
into position, please.
173
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:18,655
Dad, we don't wanna do this.
Oh, pipe down. Just one shot.
174
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,556
Tim, look, you know,
Thanksgiving's tomorrow.
175
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:22,692
I got pies in the oven, a
million things I gotta do.
176
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:26,663
Relax, all of you. Let me make a few tweaks
on my little snow-making machine here.
177
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:29,666
Why do we have to have
snow? Well, if there's no snow,
178
00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,333
people won't believe that
we're really in the North Pole.
179
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:33,457
You are so deluded.
180
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:41,811
All right. You're all there?
OK. (Randy) Come on, Dad.
181
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,345
All right. Quiet! Big smiles.
182
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:46,304
Get the ears on.
Smiles. Timer's on.
183
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,162
Start the snow. All right.
184
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:55,346
Hey, Dad, there's no snow.
185
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,576
(Tim) I'll just get
a new window in it.
186
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,846
Where are you gonna get a pane of
glass the night before Thanksgiving?
187
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,381
There's plenty of 24-hour glass
places open on the holidays.
188
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,684
Yeah, right.
189
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:25,588
What's that smell? (gasps)
Oh, gosh. It's my pies.
190
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,612
Oh, no!
191
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,860
Oh, Tim!
192
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:33,763
You promised me this was
gonna be simple. Now look -
193
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:37,421
I have burnt pies, a broken window
and a snow blower in my family room!
194
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:42,739
You're not gonna let this
dampen your spirits, are you?
195
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,796
I am way past damp.
196
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:50,113
Well, I'll just make a little
adjustment. We'll be back in business.
197
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,381
No. Forget it. You
had your chance,
198
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:56,119
you blew it - big
surprise - and now...
199
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,387
it's my turn.
200
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:01,323
Honey, honey, honey.
201
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:04,193
It'll be great. We could make
Christmas card history here.
202
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:07,596
Why can't you just ever do
anything on a small scale?
203
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,088
I don't think that way.
204
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,335
Pick a number. What?
205
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,504
Just pick a number. Seven.
206
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:19,642
See? I would've picked 13,000.
207
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:22,979
Why? Because I think big.
208
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:26,204
Can you burn the turkey
so it matches those pies?
209
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,924
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
210
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,926
What is that I smell?
211
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:40,229
Burnt pumpkin pie with
a touch of cinnamon...
212
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:43,632
maybe a tad too much nutmeg?
213
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,634
That is amazing. You can
smell that from over there?
214
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,570
Oh, yes, indeedy, Tim. I inherited
my father's olfactory sense.
215
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,572
Your dad has an old factory?
216
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:53,810
No, Tim. I was referring
to my sense of smell.
217
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:57,234
What does that have to do with
your dad's old factory? Let it go, Tim.
218
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:01,150
Do you have any use for a
slightly used Santa village?
219
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:05,454
Uh-oh. Trouble in
Santa's workshop?
220
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:09,292
Mrs. Claus doesn't understand I'm
trying to do something groundbreaking.
221
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,627
Mm-hmm. Well, I see you've
already done some window-breaking.
222
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:15,064
Wilson, I break a lot of things
around here because I think big.
223
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,066
I get these visions, I have
to carry them out. OK?
224
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,635
Oh, so you think of
yourself as a visionary,
225
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:21,637
like Socrates or Marco Polo.
226
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,794
(grunts)
227
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,677
But Jill thinks I
got double vision.
228
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,647
Well, to paraphrase
Seneca, the Roman moralist,
229
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:35,639
there is a fine line between
genius and madness.
230
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:42,358
Do you think I've
stepped over that line?
231
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,026
Tim, why don't you
ask me that question
232
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:47,429
when you're not wearing
that Mountie uniform?
233
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,866
Oh, yeah. That
would be a good idea.
234
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,969
I think you're overlooking
something here. What?
235
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:56,805
The true vision is right there.
236
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,242
An angry wife
with two burnt pies?
237
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:02,778
No. No, Tim - a loving family.
238
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:06,849
Yeah. Right as usual, Wilson.
239
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,252
Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. (Wilson) Yo.
240
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,287
Pick a number. Any number?
241
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:14,556
Any number. Well,
off the top of my head,
242
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,048
762 trillion.
243
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,570
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
244
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,374
Oh.
245
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:33,042
I can't believe Al.
246
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,278
All he's done since we've
got here is watch football.
247
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,281
Yeah, well, Tim's idea of
the perfect Thanksgiving
248
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,016
would be to push a
button on the remote
249
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,018
and have the
turkey pop out of it.
250
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:45,288
He's gone, he's gone!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
251
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,290
Oh.
252
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,892
Tim, take the helmet
off and come to dinner.
253
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:52,962
It's not over yet, honey. We
have two more minutes left.
254
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:57,266
What's the score?
Uh, 61 to three.
255
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:01,037
Guess what. It's
over. Oh, honey!
256
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:04,140
Come on, come on.
(Tim) All right, let's eat.
257
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,142
Here you go.
You sit right there.
258
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,044
(Al) Oh, boy, the
table looks great.
259
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,046
Smells great. Oh, yes.
260
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,814
Thank you.
261
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:15,351
Everything looks delicious.
Hey, what are those?
262
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:18,354
Oh, these are the, um, mashed
rutabagas that Al brought.
263
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:21,557
Made from a very
old family recipe.
264
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,693
Looks like you got
'em from an old family.
265
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,829
I love the way you
guys tease each other.
266
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:29,265
I'm not teasing him.
267
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,834
Ilene is no slouch in
the humor department.
268
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,636
Tell them that joke you told
me on the way over. Oh, no.
269
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,340
Come on. We'd love to hear it.
270
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,541
OK. What do you call
271
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:42,244
a big white animal
that's shaped like a tooth?
272
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,702
What? A molar bear.
273
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:51,909
Stop. You are such
a wacky-doodle.
274
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:04,166
Uh... somebody pass
me the gravy, please.
275
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,369
You gotta try Ilene's
rolls. They're homemade.
276
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,604
Ooh, look at that turkey.
277
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:11,974
(Al) Try my rutabagas. Let me
have some mashed potatoes.
278
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:15,911
Try the rutabagas. I put
sugar in them this year.
279
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:19,482
Can I have some of this,
please? One spoonful.
280
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:21,950
All right.
281
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:25,876
I need the rutabagas. All I
need is some gravy. I didn't get...
282
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:30,359
Ah. I think before we eat,
283
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,262
we should all think of
something that we're thankful for.
284
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,264
Oh, that's a great idea.
285
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:38,067
Al, you wanna go first?
286
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,302
All right. Uh...
287
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:44,228
Well, I'm... I'm thankful that I
have such wonderful friends.
288
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,876
And I'm... I'm thankful
289
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,379
that I have such a
wonderful, special person
290
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,882
to spend Thanksgiving with.
291
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,252
Well, I'm thankful that I
have such a wonderful place
292
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,287
to come to on Thanksgiving,
293
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:01,757
and I'm thankful to Jill
for introducing me to Al.
294
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,493
That's sweet. That's nice. Brad?
295
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,328
Al, a tender,
296
00:18:06,352 --> 00:18:09,465
warm and gentle man
297
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:12,301
who always puts my
needs above his own.
298
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,437
Oh, that's great. Brad, I
think your mom wants...
299
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:17,773
A man whose quiet confidence
300
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:20,543
and heroic vulnerability
301
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,812
inspire me to be
a better person.
302
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,381
It's my turn.
303
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,384
I'm thankful that Ilene's
finished with her tribute to Al.
304
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,220
Ow!
305
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:34,457
And I'm thankful that Brad
said that instead of me.
306
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,492
Ow!
307
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:41,397
I'm thankful you guys are kicking
Brad and Randy instead of me.
308
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:43,466
Well... (clears throat)
309
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,402
That was very touching, boys.
310
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:48,370
Can I go next? Can I go next?
311
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,539
I am thankful for
many things in my life.
312
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:53,509
My family, my friends...
313
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,177
my hot rod,
314
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:58,214
267 power tools that I own.
315
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,116
I know I get carried
away sometimes,
316
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,050
like my fellow
visionary Marco Polo,
317
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,820
who we all know
invented the sport shirt.
318
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:08,090
But, unlike Marco Polo, I have
something he does not have.
319
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:13,061
I have the best, most
understanding wife in the world,
320
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,753
Jill.
321
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:23,005
Well, um, OK.
322
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:25,374
I'm thankful for good friends,
323
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:28,043
for my children,
324
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:31,647
for a husband who never
ceases to amaze and surprise me,
325
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:36,018
a man who's blown out
every window in the house,
326
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,354
frozen his tongue to a hammer,
327
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:42,057
fallen off the roof,
through the roof,
328
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:45,294
hung upside down from the roof,
329
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,630
and in spite of
all these things,
330
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:52,968
or maybe even because of them,
331
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:55,604
I love him more today
332
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:59,096
than I did the
day I married him.
333
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,069
Would somebody hold me?
334
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:20,729
All right, I'm all
ready. Come on. OK.
335
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,599
You're OK with this? Oh, yeah,
yeah. It's a perfect compromise.
336
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:26,802
Your winter wonderland,
my little bit of dignity...
337
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:29,738
OK, Al, I'm all set.
Uh, camera's loaded.
338
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:32,508
Boys are in position.
Come on, look up straight.
339
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,410
I added more touch, added
more snow for the roof there.
340
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:36,512
How does that
look? Oh, that's...
341
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:39,915
that's an awful
lot of snow, Tim.
342
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,918
That's 'cause I think
big, Al It looks beautiful.
343
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:45,421
Thanks, Ilene. Al, you
wanna do the honors? No.
344
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:48,011
(Tim) Come on. I'm just kidding.
345
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:53,195
So much for the dignity.
346
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:56,098
There's still time for you to
slip into that Mrs. Claus outfit.
347
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:59,868
Later. (grunts)
348
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:01,970
Is this where you're
gonna stand? Yeah.
349
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,139
Get the snow in front. Make
sure the kids are looking ahead.
350
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:06,442
(Al) OK, I got it. All right,
I'm gonna count to three.
351
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,477
One,
352
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:10,145
two...
353
00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:12,581
Do you want that door open? No.
354
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,938
(creaking) (Al) Three.
355
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:36,260
Let's take one more
just to make sure.
356
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:50,619
(Tim) This is the life,
huh, Al? (Al) I think so, Tim.
357
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:53,678
Nothing like a bowl
game on the bowl, huh?
358
00:21:56,616 --> 00:21:59,361
You know, I'm still a
little hungry. No junk food.
359
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:02,431
Let's order in. Mexican,
Chinese, what do you want?
360
00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:04,232
Oh, nothing too spicy.
361
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:07,291
Al, I think you're
forgetting where you are.
362
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,642
You're right. Let's
go a little crazy.
363
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:16,578
How about a pizza
with sausage and chili?
364
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:19,715
All right, buddy.
365
00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:21,417
(phone dials)
366
00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:23,952
Auto-dial.
367
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:26,422
Yeah, Tony's. This is
Tim over here at Tool Time.
368
00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:30,292
We need a big pizza.
Chili, anchovies...
369
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:32,060
Half. Half anchovies.
370
00:22:32,084 --> 00:22:34,730
We're not upstairs in the office,
though. Come down to the...
371
00:22:34,754 --> 00:22:37,499
We're actually in
the bathroom. Yeah.
372
00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:40,736
What? Hello? (dial tone)
373
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,739
We're gonna have
to go pick it up, I think.
374
00:22:43,763 --> 00:22:46,542
Is that a smudge on that TV?
375
00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:49,233
Yes, I believe it
is. Not anymore.
376
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:58,376
Yes!
377
00:23:01,581 --> 00:23:03,559
Honey, great news.
378
00:23:03,583 --> 00:23:06,250
The lumber was delivered...
379
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:19,908
I walked by the lumberyard
today and I had a vision.
380
00:23:19,932 --> 00:23:22,277
You get a vision every time
you go by the lumberyard.
381
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:24,246
That's why when I in
the... when I'm in the car...
382
00:23:24,270 --> 00:23:26,537
(mumbles)
382
00:23:27,305 --> 00:24:27,432
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