1
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,116
Hi. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
2
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:09,508
And you all know my assistant
Al "This Land Is" Borland.
3
00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:12,722
Today we're talking about
4
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:15,258
Binford's new high-tech
security alarm systems for cars,
5
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:18,783
'cause a secure
car... is a happy car.
6
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,399
While a car that isn't so secure
7
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:26,336
can cost you thousands
of dollars in therapy fees.
8
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:29,373
The most inexpensive
way to protect your car
9
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:33,877
is with the Binford
6100 steering-wheel lock.
10
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,912
It's a good lock, but if
you've got a larger car -
11
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,615
a monster truck, front-end
loader or a space shuttle -
12
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,406
you want the Binford 61,000,000.
13
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:46,145
Now, there's a lock. Look
at the size of that thing.
14
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:50,860
Well, if you wanna go the
more sophisticated route...
15
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:54,631
(bad English accent) You might
wanna watch Masterpiece Tool Time
16
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,489
with your host
Alistair Bo-o-o-orland.
17
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:04,523
Would that be an English accent?
18
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,212
I was talking more
along the lines
19
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:12,516
of an electric car alarm, the
most basic of which will go off
20
00:01:12,540 --> 00:01:14,551
if your doors or windows
are tampered with.
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00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,186
Right, but you can customize.
22
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,756
You can have automatic door
locks, ignition cutoff, gas cutoff.
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00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:22,481
And not a moment too soon.
24
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,530
Very funny, Tim.
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00:01:26,554 --> 00:01:28,898
I'm sure our
nursery-school viewers
26
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,801
are rolling in their sandboxes.
27
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:34,404
(hisses)
28
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:37,006
Now, if you wanna go
the whole hog, you...
29
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:38,942
No.
30
00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:42,145
You probably want the
Binford Thiefbuster 1000.
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00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,147
It has a personalized
voice warning system.
32
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:46,405
I installed it on
this pony myself.
33
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,409
(alarm chirps) Act like a thief.
34
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,461
(Tim's voice) Back away, Flannel
Man! Back away, Flannel Man!
35
00:01:57,485 --> 00:02:00,185
Back away, Flannel Man!
Back away, Flannel Man!
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00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:08,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
37
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,823
What do you think? Could
we put the kids in the middle?
38
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:18,841
I made the car alarm a little less
sensitive. Only big flies set it off.
39
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,843
What's going on?
40
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,812
It's the Cooking
With Irma audience.
41
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,148
They're starting a little early.
You wanna give me a hand?
42
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:26,816
No one told me about this.
43
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,641
They're bringing
in the set, pronto.
44
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:37,527
Hey, Irma. Oh! Hi, guys!
45
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,629
Hi. What's cookin'?
46
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:42,199
I'm making up a
batch of my ratatouille.
47
00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:44,901
Really? Hmm.
48
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,570
How many parts rat,
49
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,638
how many parts...
(imitates Irma) ..."tatouille"?
50
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:51,808
Oh, Timothy, I just love
your delightful insouciance.
51
00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:55,100
Al, would you like a taste? I
thought you would never ask.
52
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,605
You bake this, Irma?
53
00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,052
Ooh, boy!
54
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:07,190
Do I detect a hint of tarragon
and a soupçon of oregano?
55
00:04:07,214 --> 00:04:09,326
Oh, very good, Al.
56
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:12,329
Well, I use that in
my own ratatouille.
57
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:15,699
You gals have so much in common.
58
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:18,735
I have just had
some wonderful news.
59
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,737
I just found out
that my daughter
60
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,906
has had a beautiful baby girl!
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00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,975
Congratulations.
Congratulations, Irma.
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00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,111
I can't believe that
my sweet radish
63
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:30,714
has a little cabbage of her own.
64
00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:33,015
Where was the cabbage
delivered, in salad bar?
65
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:36,419
Oh, Timothy, you
are incorrigible.
66
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,155
Anyway, I'm gonna be
gone until next Sunday,
67
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:42,158
and I was wondering
if I could impose on you
68
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:45,161
to... fill in for me.
69
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:48,219
You know, be Irma for a week.
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00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:52,201
Irma for a week?! I don't know.
71
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,504
Come on, Tim.
Irma needs our help.
72
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,961
Her radish just had a cabbage.
73
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:01,311
Well, when you
put it like that, Al...
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00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,179
Hmm... I could host it.
75
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,415
We could have that Spam
casserole. Al could assist me.
76
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,450
Oh, well, as a matter of fact,
77
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:09,753
since Al is such
a wonderful cook,
78
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,755
I was hoping that
he would host it
79
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:15,213
and that you would assist him.
80
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,395
Uh... I don't...
81
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,764
I really don't think Al would
be comfortable with that.
82
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,199
I would love the opportunity.
83
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,635
In fact, you might
say I would relish it.
84
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,471
"Relish"? Oh, Al!
85
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,641
I just admire
your joie de vivre.
86
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,766
That's French for
"big butt crack," isn't it?
87
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,385
Hey, Mom. Hey, Mom.
88
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,187
Hi, kids. How was school?
89
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,790
Great. We got our
class pictures back.
90
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:49,592
Good. Let me see. Where are you?
91
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,494
Third one from the right.
92
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,364
You're a little Asian girl?
93
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,532
I meant the left.
94
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,368
Oh, you look so cute!
95
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:02,171
Thanks, Mommy. You look
great. Randy, let me see yours.
96
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,173
I look like a total dork.
97
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:07,499
Yeah, right. Let me see
it. Where are you? There.
98
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:13,950
You look very cute, for somebody
who's looking at the girl next to him
99
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,375
with his tongue hanging out.
100
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,323
Yep. Her name's Beth.
101
00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,826
Jeremy said I should
ask her to go steady.
102
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:27,997
Really? Does she feel
the same way about you?
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00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,389
I don't know. I've
never talked to her.
104
00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,603
Well, then asking
her to go steady
105
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,827
may be a bit of a leap.
106
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,042
What should I say to her?
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00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:44,080
You could say
something like... "Hello."
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00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:47,083
Yeah. "Hello."
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00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,486
That's good.
110
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,755
"Hello, Beth." No.
111
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:54,524
Maybe, "Hi, Beth."
112
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:58,795
Or maybe "Hi" and no "Beth."
She knows who she is, right?
113
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,930
Right? Right.
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00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,966
Will you relax. Sit down.
115
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,057
Pretend that I'm Beth.
You know, just talk to me.
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00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,006
I don't know what to say.
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00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,441
Tell me I'm pretty.
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00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,765
Are you Mom or Beth?
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00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,106
(sternly) Does it matter?
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00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,624
You're pretty, Beth.
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00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,648
And Mom.
122
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:41,404
(imitates Julia Child) I'm
ready for my cooking debut.
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00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:44,596
Al, something smells
wonderful back here.
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00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,311
Goodness, it's me!
125
00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:50,246
Tim, the show is about to begin.
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00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,971
Are you wearing an apron?
Brought one from home.
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00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:58,822
Does everybody know
who's in the kitchen?
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00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:01,324
Irma! That's right, it's
Cooking With Irma...
129
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:04,360
with special guest
chef Al Borland!
130
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,885
(applause)
131
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,303
(musical flourish)
Thank you, Klaus.
132
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,205
Thank you, Heidi.
133
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,708
That's right, I'm Al
"The Food Man" Borland.
134
00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:23,802
You all know my assistant Tim "Doesn't
Know Gumbo From Dumbo" Taylor.
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00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:31,253
Not so. Dumbo, of
course, is a pachyderm.
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00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:34,178
Gumbo is a flexible
green guy that rides Pokey.
137
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:44,901
OK, well, today, we
are cooking Cajun style,
138
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,970
and that means gumbo.
139
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:50,306
Now, one of the most important
ingredients in gumbo is...
140
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,509
Gum. Lots of gum.
141
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,511
Just take it off the
bottom of tables and...
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00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:57,914
Tim. That would be okra.
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00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:01,673
Okra! From the great
state of Okra-homa.
144
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:09,291
That's a joke. Half
state, half vegetable.
145
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,716
Like Arkan-slaw.
146
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:17,834
There's no sense making
jokes about food, is there?
147
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:19,368
Now... Ha-ha!
148
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:22,238
The wonderful thing
about gumbo is that,
149
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:27,010
in addition to your
vegetables and your spices,
150
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:30,001
you can throw just about
anything into the pot.
151
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:38,443
You know, if we put Al's mom in
the pot, we'd have jumbo gumbo.
152
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:47,430
You'd have to know
Al's mom to get that joke.
153
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:50,967
She's a large, angry woman.
154
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,692
Like so many of
you out there today.
155
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,676
All right, well...
156
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,812
Getting back to
our Cajun cooking,
157
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:06,571
do you think that they call it Cajun
cooking because you cook it in a cage?
158
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,890
Oh, come on!
159
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:16,834
You thought that was funny,
but you didn't like "Okra-homa"?
160
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:23,265
Why don't you be a big help and
take the tops off those peppers?
161
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:27,436
Now, Cajun cooking is distinguished
by using a lot of very hot peppers,
162
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,639
and, um...
163
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,307
(Tim yells)
164
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,309
As Tim has just
demonstrated here,
165
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:35,277
if you happen to
bite into a pepper,
166
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:38,681
you wanna drink plenty
of milk, never water.
167
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:40,382
(yells)
168
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:42,384
Water will only make it worse.
169
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:44,848
Or you can bite
into a piece of bread.
170
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,881
But not jalapeño bread.
171
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:59,301
Good night, Mrs. McDowell.
Thank you for coming, Mrs. Yost.
172
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,704
Remember the weather
report from the kitchen -
173
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:04,248
"Chili today, hot tamale."
174
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,613
Hey!
175
00:11:10,637 --> 00:11:13,149
They loved me! They hated me.
176
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,417
Well, you started
off a little rocky,
177
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,419
but once you were in
too much pain to talk,
178
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:20,657
boy, the show really took off.
179
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,225
I'm gonna take off. I don't
wanna do this tomorrow.
180
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:25,728
What are you talking
about? Come on.
181
00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:28,965
You don't need me here. You cook
well enough by yourself. I'm just a burden.
182
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:30,867
How many guys does
it take to lift a radish?
183
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,202
Now come on. We promised Irma.
184
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:37,907
Besides, tomorrow, I'm cooking with
poultry, and I'm gonna need some help.
185
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:41,243
Why don't you get one of your
blue-haired groupies to help you out?
186
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:44,547
I get it. I see what it is.
187
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:48,317
You're just jealous
because now I'm the star.
188
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:51,387
The star? You're guest
hosting a cable cooking show.
189
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,956
Yeah, well, I know
why you're backing out.
190
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:58,094
It's just because you're
not the center of attention.
191
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:02,053
I just don't like being your dopey
sidekick. You know how demeaning that is?
192
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,439
Don't look at me like that.
This is not like Tool Time.
193
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,474
No, it's not like Tool Time,
194
00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:14,944
because you're the star,
and I'm the dopey sidekick!
195
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,769
I've never used
the word "sidekick."
196
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:29,125
Hey, Randy, wait
till you hear this.
197
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:32,929
I talked to Ashley, and Beth
is mildly interested in you.
198
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,832
All right, she's
mildly interested!
199
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,167
They're coming over after
school to hang together.
200
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:41,003
If she likes you, she's
gonna give Ashley the nod.
201
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:43,494
"The nod"? You remember the nod.
202
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,799
Oh, right. The nod.
203
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:54,038
Do you guys know
how stupid you look?
204
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,022
I can't believe
Beth's coming here.
205
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:01,924
What if I don't have
anything to say to her?
206
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:06,262
Sit there and talk about yourself
the whole time. Women love that.
207
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,365
I'm surprised you didn't
tell him to burp for Beth.
208
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,368
You gotta save something
for the second date.
209
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:15,171
(chuckles)
210
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,640
What's cookin'? It's gumbo.
211
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,143
Ohh... Al's recipe.
212
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:22,344
But, of course, I added
a few things of my own.
213
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,814
I thought Al was really
good on that show today.
214
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:28,117
What did you think of me?
215
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:31,154
Well, for a guy who doesn't
know anything about cooking,
216
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,189
I thought you came across
217
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,691
as a guy who doesn't know
anything about cooking.
218
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,261
That's why I'm not doing
it anymore. Makes sense.
219
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:41,798
Al thinks it's 'cause I can't stand
not being the center of attention.
220
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,433
That makes more sense.
221
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:47,736
I don't always have to
be the center of attention.
222
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,073
Our wedding - I let you walk
down the aisle by yourself.
223
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:54,498
While you were making
shadow puppets on the pulpit!
224
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:59,003
Can I have some salt, please?
225
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,251
This is your problem, Tim.
226
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:05,721
You cannot be in front of a group of people
without being the center of attention.
227
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:09,058
That's what you did on Al's show
today. I need pepper - cayenne.
228
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,527
I just can't help it.
229
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:14,831
You know how hard it is for me to stand
in front of people and not make 'em laugh?
230
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:18,534
You did a pretty darn
good job of that today.
231
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,269
"Okra-homa"?
232
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:22,839
"Arkan-slaw" was funny.
233
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,907
Hand me that celery.
234
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,698
I'm just not cut out to
be somebody's assistant.
235
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:35,784
You have been assisting me
this whole time making the gumbo.
236
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,954
Oh. I could do that.
237
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:41,590
Look, all you gotta do
is do your homework.
238
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,961
Then when you go and help Al
tomorrow, you'll be in better shape.
239
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:48,364
I will sit down, and I will tell you
everything that I know about cooking.
240
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,553
OK.
241
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,616
Maybe I'd better get a cookbook.
242
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,226
This is very good lemonade.
243
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,263
Thanks. My mom made it.
244
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:23,565
You know, Beth,
Randy's a really funny guy.
245
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,435
Really? I like funny people.
246
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:30,161
Yeah, Randy, say
something funny.
247
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:37,902
Uh...
248
00:15:38,905 --> 00:15:40,783
OK.
249
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,606
I got a joke.
250
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:47,323
What do you call bad lemonade?
251
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,357
What?
252
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,348
Lemon lemonade.
253
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:57,066
(forced laughter)
254
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,834
I don't get it.
255
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:02,660
That's the last time I
use one of Dad's joke.
256
00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:08,744
Would anybody like a
homemade sugar cookie?
257
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,846
(Beth) Yeah. (Brad)
I would, please.
258
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,881
Are you enjoying the lemonade?
259
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,951
Yes, it's great, thank you.
260
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,454
Beth, I think I met your
parents at Back-to-School night.
261
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,522
Your mother is the, um...
262
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,524
Aerobics instructor.
263
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,384
Oh... yeah. I remember her.
264
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:31,000
These are really
great sugar cookies.
265
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:35,159
My mom doesn't keep sweets in our
house. She says they make you fat.
266
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,717
Well, if you guys need me...
267
00:16:48,741 --> 00:16:51,442
I'll be upstairs doing
stomach crunches.
268
00:16:56,816 --> 00:17:00,496
Beth, another cooker snoogie?
269
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,821
I-I mean, a booger cookie?
270
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:09,227
Is it hot in here?
271
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,765
I'll be right back.
272
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:26,110
(sighs) Oh, man.
I am such a dork.
273
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:33,084
Experiencing some adolescent
angst, preteen Taylor?
274
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,533
Oh... Sorry, Wilson.
275
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,834
Mm-hmm.
276
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:42,171
I just made a jerk of
myself in front of a girl.
277
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:46,575
Well, Randy Taylor,
welcome to the tribe of men.
278
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:49,178
I mean, I don't get it.
279
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:52,614
I really like Beth, but
ever since she got here,
280
00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:54,983
I've been saying
really dumb things.
281
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:58,820
Randy, probably that's because
you're sailing in unfamiliar waters.
282
00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:02,791
I'm sure the first time Romeo met a girl,
he probably said some dumb things, too.
283
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:05,027
Hello?
284
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:06,095
Right here.
285
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:07,930
Oh.
286
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:11,922
Did Romeo ask Juliet if she
wanted a "booger cookie"?
287
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,004
Mm... mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm, mmm.
288
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:19,141
Now, that is a gaffe
and a half. Heh-heh.
289
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:21,577
Yeah.
290
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:26,582
I mean, maybe I'm not cut
out for this romance stuff.
291
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,984
(laughs) Well, Randy,
292
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:31,987
when it comes to winning
the affections of a young lady,
293
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:35,324
you might heed the
advice of Thomas Herrick.
294
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:38,494
What'd he say, Wilson?
295
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:41,830
He said, "To get thine
ends, lay bashfulness aside.
296
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:46,535
He that fears to
ask doth be denied."
297
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:49,972
So what you're saying
is, "No guts, no glory."
298
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,541
Very good, young Taylor.
299
00:18:52,565 --> 00:18:56,365
You know, there are those among us who
wouldn't have picked it up that quickly.
300
00:18:58,171 --> 00:19:00,382
So I gotta keep trying, huh?
301
00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:02,485
You may not have
to try too hard.
302
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,920
I think the lady's
equally smitten with you.
303
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:07,055
What makes you say that?
304
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:09,458
Because ever since
you came out back,
305
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,350
she's been staring at you.
306
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:17,500
Oh. Thanks, Wilson. (chuckles)
307
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:22,070
Hey, what were the first words
you said to a girl you had a crush on?
308
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:25,095
I believe they were,
"Hidey-ho, good-lookin'."
309
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,447
Thanks, Wilson.
310
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:35,017
As we all know, the French
are the masters of the kitchen.
311
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:38,521
Nothing says "bonjour"
better than duck.
312
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:43,592
Now, the first thing I'm going to be
needing here is a large roasting pan.
313
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,894
It's over here. Where did I...?
314
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:49,632
Thank you. I didn't think you
were joining me in the kitchen today.
315
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:53,435
I'm your assistant.
Where else would I be?
316
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:55,837
Well, great. Thank you.
317
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,707
OK, well. Shall we
begin by explaining
318
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,842
how we're going
to dress our duck?
319
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,844
How do you dress a duck?
320
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,968
If it's formal, coat and tie.
321
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:09,818
Now, once I get
finished stuffing the duck,
322
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,020
I will be closing it up.
323
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:15,558
And for that, I think you'll
be using a poultry lacer.
324
00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:18,616
Actually, Tim, I was thinking
of using some "duck" tape.
325
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:27,157
I don't think so, Al.
326
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:39,415
Tim, you wanna double check to see if
I've preheated our oven to 350 degrees?
327
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,365
OK. I also read that
you shouldn't overstuff
328
00:20:41,389 --> 00:20:42,984
your duck 'cause
it gets in there...
329
00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:45,654
Tim, I think I know
what I'm doing.
330
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,312
I'm just saying... That's fine.
331
00:20:49,716 --> 00:20:52,094
350 on the dot.
332
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:54,275
We've also moved
our rack to the top level
333
00:20:54,299 --> 00:20:56,532
so that bird will come
out nice and crispy.
334
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:59,901
Voilà. OK, we're all
ready for the duck.
335
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,671
OK.
336
00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:06,375
Get it before the heat goes out.
337
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,711
Yeah. I just... Just making
sure that that is stuffed in there.
338
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,713
You want me to give you a hand?
339
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:12,737
I think I know
what I'm doing, Tim.
340
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:33,369
What Al's done here is
actually develop a new recipe.
341
00:21:33,393 --> 00:21:37,473
You've heard of
pheasant under glass.
342
00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:40,030
This would be quacker
through the glass.
343
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:46,682
Join us tomorrow
for our salute...
344
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:47,883
(cow moos)
345
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:49,674
to beef.
346
00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:54,556
(♪ theme song)
347
00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:55,658
(turns off TV)
348
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:58,560
Well, Tim, I'm very impressed.
349
00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:00,729
See what a great
second banana you were?
350
00:22:00,753 --> 00:22:03,854
It would have been a tragedy
had that second banana split.
351
00:22:06,392 --> 00:22:08,671
It's 5:30. I wonder
where Randy is.
352
00:22:08,695 --> 00:22:11,895
He's probably with
Beth, getting more nods.
353
00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,744
Like father, like son, you know.
354
00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:17,813
What do you mean by that?
355
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,148
If you recall, on our first
date, you gave me the nod.
356
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:23,151
Yeah, that was all you got.
357
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:25,287
I'm home!
358
00:22:25,311 --> 00:22:27,378
Hey, killer. Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
359
00:22:28,648 --> 00:22:31,259
How'd it go?
360
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:34,896
Well... we're past
the nod stage.
361
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,555
What? She gave me a kiss.
362
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:41,770
What?! Mom.
363
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:45,006
What would you have done if
I'd kissed you on the first date?
364
00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:46,797
Would've woken up.
365
00:22:53,406 --> 00:22:55,451
Hi! Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
366
00:22:55,475 --> 00:22:58,642
You all know my
assistant Al... Oh.
367
00:23:01,447 --> 00:23:03,759
We got that out of the way.
368
00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:06,328
Cut. Pick it up.
369
00:23:06,352 --> 00:23:08,330
I see what it is.
370
00:23:08,354 --> 00:23:12,033
You're just jealous
because now I'm the star.
371
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,336
Oh, back the bread
basket up, buddy.
372
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:17,728
You're just substitute host
for a cable cooking show.
372
00:23:18,305 --> 00:24:18,755
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