1
00:00:01,901 --> 00:00:06,838
And so, in conclusion,
l'd like to emphasize once again...

2
00:00:06,906 --> 00:00:08,066
Thank you, Heidi.

3
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:10,371
...that if your home is lightly trafficked,

4
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:13,469
you can't go wrong
with a Saxony plush carpet.

5
00:00:13,546 --> 00:00:18,074
As you can see, it's very luxurious,
and has a nice nap.

6
00:00:18,151 --> 00:00:21,450
l think the audience
just had a nice nap.

7
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:26,985
l think not. Choosing a carpet
is a very important decision.

8
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:29,722
lt's something you live with
and walk on for years.

9
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,787
So are you, Al.

10
00:00:32,665 --> 00:00:34,098
On the other hand,

11
00:00:34,167 --> 00:00:39,366
if your carpet is heavily trafficked,
well, you can't go wrong with a nice Berber.

12
00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:43,603
And here we have a lovely example.
A nice wheat-colored Berber.

13
00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:47,874
And Berber's nice 'cause you don't
have to cut it. You just go to a Berber shop.

14
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:50,211
- Are you through joking around?
- Yes.

15
00:00:50,283 --> 00:00:53,775
l was just trying to stay awake
till we get to the good part. The tools.

16
00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:55,616
Al, tell us about the tools.

17
00:00:55,688 --> 00:00:58,680
These are the tools of the trade
when putting in carpet.

18
00:00:58,758 --> 00:01:03,422
What we have here is a porcupine roller,
duckbill shears...

19
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:07,023
What?
Are you laying carpet at the zoo?

20
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:08,533
Yes, l'm carpeting the zoo.

21
00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:14,437
As a matter of fact, l'm thinking of putting in
walrus-to-walrus carpeting.

22
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:24,614
Well, all that carpet humor aside,
what we have here is a porcupine roller...

23
00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:28,677
Yeah, yeah. These tools are fine
if you're laying a small piece of carpet,

24
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,315
but what if we want
to carpet a larger area?

25
00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:34,417
- And that would be?
- The Silverdome.

26
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:38,886
How long would it take to lay
Astroturf using these wimpy tools?

27
00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:41,661
You wouldn't get past
the ten-yard line.

28
00:01:41,734 --> 00:01:44,669
Porcupine roller.
This wouldn't do diddly for a large area.

29
00:01:44,737 --> 00:01:48,173
What we need
is a ''more power'' porcupine.

30
00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:50,971
Heidi, my ''more power'' porcupine, please.

31
00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:56,409
Oh! Oh!

32
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:58,280
Here you go, Tim.

33
00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:00,683
- Thank you, Heidi.
- You're welcome.

34
00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:05,924
There is no such thing
as a gas-powered porcupine!

35
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:09,418
lt all depends on what it had to eat.

36
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,296
<i>(engine starts)</i>

37
00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:21,063
Watch how beautifully this seams
our lovely wheat-colored Berber.

38
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:29,074
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

39
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:37,322
Well, way to go, Tim.
And what would you call that?

40
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,554
Shredded Wheat Berber.

41
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:44,515
<i>(Mark) l don't think
we should be steaming open the letter.</i>

42
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,582
My teacher said
to give it to Mom and Dad.

43
00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:50,288
- We're doing this for you, dork.
- lf you don't know what the teacher said,

44
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:53,662
then you don't know
what lie to tell to Mom and Dad.

45
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:56,497
l don't have to lie.
l didn't do anything.

46
00:03:56,569 --> 00:03:59,538
Right, Mark. Teachers always
send home notes like that.

47
00:03:59,606 --> 00:04:05,602
''Dear Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, Mark didn't do
anything. Just wanted to try the new pen.''

48
00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:11,375
Hey, guys, how many times have we
told you about steaming open letters?

49
00:04:11,451 --> 00:04:16,548
lf you're gonna do it, use the teapot here.
Much more steam comes out of this thing.

50
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:21,526
That's good, Tim. Why don't you
teach 'em next time how to pick a lock?

51
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:24,358
You think they're ready?

52
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,593
Let me guess - a note from school.
Which one of you is it this time?

53
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:30,659
- Not me.
- Not me.

54
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,036
lt's me.

55
00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,574
<i>(both) You?</i>

56
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:39,169
Your first letter from a teacher.
All right!

57
00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:41,645
You're a man.

58
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,346
You're in big trouble,
but you're a man.

59
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:48,785
- Mark, what's going on?
- Nothing.

60
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,619
Well, then, why does your teacher
want to meet with us?

61
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:55,183
- l don't know. l didn't do anything.
- Mark...

62
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:58,424
l use that line on your mom all the time.
lt hardly ever works.

63
00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,830
lt never works.

64
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:07,203
- Tell us what's going on.
- Nothing. lt's nothing.

65
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:10,508
So what do you think the problem is?

66
00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:13,602
He does well in school,
maybe the teacher doesn't like him.

67
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,444
How could she not like him?
Mark is adorable.

68
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:20,043
Oh, come on. ln fourth grade
l was adorable. My teacher hated me.

69
00:05:20,119 --> 00:05:24,215
Fifth grade teacher didn't like me. Sixth
grade teacher had something out for me.

70
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,588
Seventh grade was a nightmare.

71
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,650
Tim, are you noticing a pattern here?

72
00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:31,128
l had a string of bad teachers.

73
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,726
- Where's the electric can opener?
- Tim.

74
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,464
Oh, yes. 1 7 horse, whoa!

75
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,772
We never did find that thing, did we?

76
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:47,142
l guess we'll find out what's going on with
Mark when we meet the teacher tomorrow.

77
00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:48,976
- What time's that?
- Three o'clock.

78
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:52,711
<i>l can't do three o'clock. l got Tool Time
till 3:30. Push it back to 4:1 5.</i>

79
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,413
No, can't do that.
l got a class at 4:30.

80
00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:58,514
Can you leave there at 3:1 5
and make it there by 3:30?

81
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:01,685
No, not if l'm taking Randy
to football practice at 3:45.

82
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:07,597
Brad's got saxophone at four.
And isn't Mark's distemper shot tomorrow?

83
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:09,225
- Flu shot.
- Whatever.

84
00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:12,760
l forgot about that.
OK, OK, OK.

85
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:17,003
How about this? l will meet Mark's teacher
at three and find out what's going on.

86
00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:19,636
Since l'll be near here,
l'll pick up Brad and Randy.

87
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,805
Drop Randy at football practice at 3:45,

88
00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:25,408
Brad at the saxophone lesson at 4:1 5
on the way to my 4:30 class.

89
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,783
You take Mark to the doctor
at four o'clock. Oh.

90
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:30,049
And make sure
that she checks that right ear.

91
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:33,058
l think he's got
that waxy buildup thing happening again.

92
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,890
He might have to have it irrigated.
After the doctor,

93
00:06:35,962 --> 00:06:39,830
double back to the football field,
pick up Randy, come home, make dinner.

94
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:43,892
These should be ready about five o'clock.
l'll pick up Brad on my way home.

95
00:06:43,970 --> 00:06:46,029
We should get there by six.
ls that good?

96
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,096
Yeah.

97
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,233
- One more time from the top?
- Oh!

98
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:57,876
Linoleum was invented in 1 860

99
00:06:57,950 --> 00:07:01,181
by Frederick Walton of England.

100
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:05,281
Now, he discovered that linseed oil,
when left out in the open air,

101
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:12,321
became kind of a rubberylike substance,
very suitable for floor coverings.

102
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,331
Now, because linseed oil
is from the flax plant,

103
00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:23,637
Mr. Walton decided
to call his product ''linoleum.''

104
00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:31,510
<i>From the Latin words linum for ''flax,''
and oleum for ''oil.''</i>

105
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:35,645
He also went on to invent
a straight-line inlay machine,

106
00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:39,589
so he was able to produce his linoleum
in various patterns.

107
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:41,786
Well!

108
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,762
That's all for our history on linoleum,

109
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:48,733
unless you'd have something
you'd like to add... Tim?

110
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,165
All right!
Well, please join us tomorrow

111
00:07:56,242 --> 00:08:00,235
when we're back here
with the much-anticipated climax,

112
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,577
''Floor Coverings of the Future,'' or:

113
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,980
''The Vinyl Frontier.''

114
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,212
<i>(theme music and applause)</i>

115
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:18,824
- Wake up, wake up, wake up.
- l'm awake, l'm awake.

116
00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,298
Great show, Al.
Really learned a lot.

117
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:25,303
Thank you. At least someone appreciates
the work l put into this linoleum show.

118
00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:29,205
- l really do.
- Well, what was your favorite part?

119
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:32,403
Yes, Miss Keppert,
what was your favorite part?

120
00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:36,176
Well, l found
every part equally fascinating.

121
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,114
<i>- (Tim scos)
- Really?</i>

122
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:43,645
Why don't we go have some lunch? l'll fill
you in on my lecture tomorrow on vinyl.

123
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,715
- Oh, OK.
- Which is Latin for ''snooze.''

124
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:51,162
Mark, we're leaving for the doctor
in five minutes.

125
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:54,393
Dad, don't forget to pick me up
right after football practice.

126
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,061
Beth's coming over to study,
l need time to shower.

127
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,764
You don't need to bother with a shower.
Do what l do.

128
00:08:59,839 --> 00:09:03,138
- lt fools your mom, drives her wild.
- Cool. What is it?

129
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:06,372
Wear an auto freshener
around your neck.

130
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:11,807
Pine scent.
Rugged outdoorsy stuff. Women love it.

131
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:16,446
Well, if it doesn't get me girls,
it'll definitely get me squirrels.

132
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:19,548
Mark! Would you go get him?

133
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:20,990
<i>- Hi.
- (Tim) Hi.</i>

134
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:24,461
Brad, where are you? You got
your saxophone lesson. Randy, come on.

135
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:27,624
- How'd the meeting with the teacher go?
- She was very nice.

136
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:33,730
And very concerned about Mark. She said
lately he's been inattentive and withdrawn.

137
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:36,900
That's better than
loud and obnoxious like l was.

138
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:40,776
l don't get it. He's always loved school.
Brad? Randy?

139
00:09:40,846 --> 00:09:43,974
Mark?
What does she think the problem is?

140
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:47,781
She doesn't know. She asked me if there
was anything unusual going on at home.

141
00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:50,321
Do you think he's upset
about me going to school?

142
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:53,790
- Maybe he feels abandoned.
- You didn't abandon him.

143
00:09:53,859 --> 00:09:57,420
l'm not as available as l used to be.
l have all these late classes.

144
00:09:57,496 --> 00:10:00,124
- Library, studying...
- l don't think that's it.

145
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:03,225
Mark likes you out of the house.
We all do.

146
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:10,671
What l mean is that we're very happy
that you're pursuing your dream. Mark?

147
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:13,541
Brad, Randy, hurry up.
l'm gonna be late for class.

148
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,945
- So you don't think that l'm the problem?
- No.

149
00:10:16,015 --> 00:10:18,006
Then it must be you.

150
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,853
l am not the one
that abandoned my child.

151
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,684
- That's what you think?
- No.

152
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:27,988
l knew l shouldn't go back to class
until they were 30.

153
00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:30,927
Honey, honey, l was kidding.
lt was a joke, OK?

154
00:10:30,997 --> 00:10:35,434
l'll talk to him
and l'll find out what's the matter. Guys?

155
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:36,968
Where's Mark?

156
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:40,233
Still trying to figure out
which sock goes on which foot.

157
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:46,142
Come on. Hey, pine! You smell
just like your dad. Beth's gonna love that.

158
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,741
<i>(knock on door)</i>

159
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,048
Come on,
we're gonna be late for the doctor.

160
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:57,555
Dad, l don't want to get a flu shot.

161
00:10:57,623 --> 00:11:01,218
The doctor's office is a lot of fun.
You can play with the blocks.

162
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:04,262
Dad, only babies play with blocks.

163
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:08,323
Don't you call me a baby.
Come on. Come on, come on!

164
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:12,497
l'm trying to get this knot out.
Brad and Randy tied my shoes together.

165
00:11:12,571 --> 00:11:14,903
And a fine job they did.

166
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:17,374
Oh, boy.

167
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:22,745
Your mom talked to your teacher. She says
you're not paying attention like you used to.

168
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:25,215
l'm paying attention.

169
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,752
- ls schoolwork getting too hard for you?
- No.

170
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:29,720
- Too easy?
- No.

171
00:11:29,789 --> 00:11:32,553
- ls it about Mom going back to school?
- No.

172
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,923
- ls that kid in front bugging you again?
- No.

173
00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:36,655
- Kid behind you?
- No.

174
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:40,722
Are you worried
about male pattern baldness?

175
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,099
Dad, will you stop asking me
a million questions?

176
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:47,662
- Nothing's going on.
- Stop, right now.

177
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,334
We are not leaving
till you tell me what's going on.

178
00:11:50,409 --> 00:11:53,242
- Great. Then l don't have to get a flu shot.
- Wrong-o.

179
00:11:53,312 --> 00:11:56,804
You're not missing it. And l'm
not missing playing with those blocks.

180
00:11:56,882 --> 00:12:01,216
Maybe the doctor can find out. He'll have to
turn your little head and make you cough.

181
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:08,625
Forget about it, Brad.
You're not gonna get your own phone.

182
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:12,289
lt's not for me.
You see, Mom, l want this for you.

183
00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:16,494
Explain to me
how you getting a phone benefits me.

184
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:20,437
Well, you know how
l'm always tying up the phone line?

185
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:23,873
Then you get upset and yell at me,
and then you feel bad about it?

186
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:28,573
Well, if l had my own phone,
you wouldn't suffer like that.

187
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,812
l'm touched by
your thoughtfulness, Brad,

188
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:36,844
but, actually, l don't mind yelling at you,
l find it's a good release for me.

189
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:40,085
Oh, hi, hi.
How did it go at the doctor's?

190
00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:43,457
lt was a real drag.

191
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:47,863
Bunch of four-year-olds
were hogging all the blocks.

192
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:51,568
l mean with Mark.
Did he get his flu shot?

193
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:55,232
Was l right? Was it the ear?
Did he have that waxy buildup stuff in it?

194
00:12:55,307 --> 00:12:59,243
No wax. Actually,
a small bird had made a nest in there.

195
00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:01,302
Did you ask him
what's bothering him?

196
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:04,907
Yes. What's bothering him
is people asking him what's bothering him.

197
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:08,215
That's all you got? Did you ask him
about me going back to school?

198
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:12,815
- He's all right with that. l got no answers.
- Well, how did you ask him?

199
00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:16,350
Were you sensitive?
Did you make him feel comfortable?

200
00:13:16,428 --> 00:13:21,491
Oh, yes, he was quite comfortable. l served
hors d'oeuvres, made a perfect Rob Roy.

201
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:25,526
Rubbed his neck a bit, gave him a foot
massage. Yes, he was quite comfortable.

202
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:27,128
l'm serious.

203
00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:31,438
How you approach Mark makes a big
difference. You can't joke around with him.

204
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:34,775
- l should talk to him.
- There's nothing you'd say that l didn't.

205
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:38,112
Well, there are certain things
that mothers are just better at.

206
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:41,210
l'm good at talking to my boys.
l might be better than you.

207
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,448
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

208
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:48,721
No matter what stupid thing they've done,
they know l've done something stupider.

209
00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:51,592
Well, can't argue with that.

210
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:54,963
l'm saying there's a very special bond
between fathers and sons.

211
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:57,594
There's a special bond
between mothers and son.

212
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,264
lt's a little thing
called the umbilical cord.

213
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:03,365
Hello? He's nine.
He's cordless now.

214
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:09,207
l resent you thinking
you're a better parent than l am.

215
00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,909
- l did not say that.
- That's what it sounded like.

216
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:13,110
<i>(doorbell)</i>

217
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:16,313
l spend a lot more time
with my boys than most parents.

218
00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:20,757
l'm caring, l'm understanding,
and l'm responsible.

219
00:14:22,394 --> 00:14:24,624
- Hi, Beth.
- Hi. l'm here to see Randy.

220
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:29,031
Randy? Honey, did you pick Randy up
from football practice?

221
00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:34,562
No. His caring, sensitive, responsible
father was supposed to do that.

222
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,938
Oh, yeah. l'm on my way.

223
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:43,842
l think Tim and Randy'll be back soon.

224
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,077
l hope so.

225
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:52,012
- So, how's school?
- OK.

226
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,855
Did Randy tell you
that l'm going back to school?

227
00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:01,388
Oh, yeah.
And we both think it's really weird.

228
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:05,900
Well, aren't you an honest little thing?

229
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:09,964
Maybe you'd feel more comfortable

230
00:15:10,042 --> 00:15:12,977
waiting for Randy in his room
until we call you for dinner.

231
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:15,707
- All right, thanks.
- Good. OK.

232
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,310
Oh, Mark, hi.
How are you doing?

233
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:21,444
Fine.

234
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:24,455
Um, l have some cookies.
Would you like some?

235
00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:26,150
OK.

236
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:28,557
l feel really bad.
l've been so busy lately,

237
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:32,461
we haven't been able to have
our customary chats. How you doing?

238
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:35,125
Fine.

239
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:39,933
Um, l talked to your teacher
and she's kinda concerned about you.

240
00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:44,533
She thinks that maybe
you're having a hard time with something.

241
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,238
- l'm not. Dad already asked me.
- Yeah, l know.

242
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:50,714
l just thought that you might
feel more comfortable talking to me.

243
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,375
Nope.

244
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,817
Oh, come on, honey.

245
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:58,448
You know that you always feel better
when you tell me what's wrong.

246
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:02,187
Nothing's wrong.
Man, you're worse than Dad.

247
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:07,559
Do the words ''umbilical cord''
mean anything to you?

248
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:18,169
- Hey, Brad?
- Yeah?

249
00:16:18,243 --> 00:16:20,677
- Can l ask you something?
- What?

250
00:16:20,746 --> 00:16:24,705
How do you get moved from the back
of the class to the front of the class?

251
00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:26,808
Why would you want
to go to the front?

252
00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:31,345
l don't know if you've noticed,
but that's where the teacher is.

253
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,482
l need to sit in the front.

254
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:35,925
Aw, shoot!

255
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,760
Why?

256
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,267
- Promise not to tell Mom and Dad?
- Promise.

257
00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:48,702
- l can't see the board from the back.
- So? What's the big deal?

258
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,073
l'll have to get glasses.

259
00:16:54,146 --> 00:16:56,512
Hi-de-ho, Taylor lads.

260
00:16:56,582 --> 00:17:00,074
- Brad, l believe this is yours.
- Oh, thanks, Wilson.

261
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:03,019
Wilson, did you hear
what we were saying?

262
00:17:03,088 --> 00:17:07,115
Just the part about not seeing the board
and needing glasses.

263
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,888
You're not gonna
tell my parents, are you?

264
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:13,398
Mark, that isn't my place.
But l hope that you will.

265
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:18,360
l can't. They'll make me get glasses,
and l'll look like a dork.

266
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:21,702
Mark, might l remind you
that Benjamin Franklin,

267
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,265
Sigmund Freud, Mahatma Gandhi
all wore glasses?

268
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,210
And l don't think that anyone
would consider them dorks.

269
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:29,679
l would.

270
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:34,352
l don't want to look like a dork.

271
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:39,756
Well, may l suggest an alternative solution
that will help improve your eyesight?

272
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:42,760
Here's a trick l picked up
from a Russian ophthalmologist

273
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:45,592
l met at a caviar-tasting festival.

274
00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:51,227
Take a piece of paper
and you make a tiny, tiny, tiny little hole,

275
00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:53,635
then you hold it up to your eye,

276
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:57,505
and it will correct your myopia
by allowing the eye to refocus light

277
00:17:57,576 --> 00:18:00,306
upon a mosaic
of photosensitive receptors.

278
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:02,108
What?

279
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:04,149
lt'll help you see better.

280
00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:09,010
- Wow! lt really works.
- Uh-huh.

281
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:12,057
And if you use two,

282
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:14,649
it's twice as effective.

283
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:18,753
This is great!
l'll never have to wear glasses.

284
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,097
And l won't look like a dork.

285
00:18:23,535 --> 00:18:25,799
Mark, Mark, buddy.

286
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:29,830
Just tell me one thing.
What do l look like?

287
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,643
A dork.

288
00:18:40,152 --> 00:18:42,017
Mom?

289
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:46,990
Oh, honey. l've been thinking.
l shouldn't be putting pressure on you.

290
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:53,089
lf you want to talk, l'm always here to listen,
but if you don't, l'm fine with that too.

291
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:57,966
- l want to talk.
- Good. Sit down. Pour your little heart out.

292
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:02,740
l can't see the board at school.

293
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,072
l think l need glasses.

294
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:09,047
ls that what's bothering you?
That's not so bad.

295
00:19:09,114 --> 00:19:14,279
- lt's bad to me.
- Honey, lots of kids wear glasses.

296
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:18,312
You don't understand.
Some of the kids already think l'm a dork.

297
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:20,722
lf l get glasses, all of them will.

298
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:25,286
- Nobody thinks you're a dork.
- Then why do they call me ''dork''?

299
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,736
Well, because
some kids are just mean.

300
00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:37,138
They think by calling you names
that makes them cool.

301
00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:39,973
Let me tell you what real cool is.

302
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:43,105
Real cool is
feeling good about yourself

303
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,913
and not worrying
about what other people think.

304
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:49,146
What do you mean?

305
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:52,588
Well, let's use your father
as an example.

306
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:58,595
Your father does some things
that some people might consider dorky.

307
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:01,428
Like the time
that he froze his tongue to the hammer,

308
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:06,062
or the time
that he glued his head to the table.

309
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:09,596
But it doesn't bother him.

310
00:20:09,675 --> 00:20:11,540
- You know why?
- Why?

311
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:14,443
Because he feels good
about who he is.

312
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:17,641
And you should feel good
about who you are.

313
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:20,207
- l should?
- Yeah. You are a great kid.

314
00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:24,016
You are so smart,
and you're fun to be with.

315
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:28,423
- And you care about other people, right?
- Right.

316
00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:31,428
Look, tomorrow, we'll go
and we'll get your eyes checked,

317
00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:37,025
and if you need glasses, we'll just make
sure that you get some really cool frames.

318
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:43,036
- Think l'd look good in aviator glasses?
- Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

319
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:45,235
l'd fly anywhere with you.

320
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:49,271
- Thanks, Mom.
- Honey.

321
00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:54,547
lt makes me feel so good
that we still have our special bond.

322
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:59,216
You know, that you feel comfortable
coming to me when you need to talk.

323
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,885
Well, you were the only one home.

324
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,827
They just pulled up. When Mark comes in
with the glasses, no comments.

325
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:13,996
No ''four-eyes,''
no ''goggle-face,'' nothing.

326
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:17,872
Oh, ''goggle-face.''
l've never heard of that one.

327
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:21,573
And you call yourself a Taylor.

328
00:21:22,381 --> 00:21:23,370
- Hi.
- Hi.

329
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:26,713
- Hey, Mark.
- Well, how'd it go at the optometrist?

330
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:29,652
Oh, it was fine.
His eyes aren't that bad.

331
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:33,157
The doctor said that all he needs them for
is seeing the blackboard,

332
00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:35,420
watching movies and driving.

333
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:39,055
Let's see 'em.

334
00:21:41,266 --> 00:21:43,291
Aah!

335
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:47,097
- They look good.
- Yeah, they're pretty cool.

336
00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:49,299
- Yeah, they're really nice.
- Thanks.

337
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:53,367
And if anybody calls you a dork, they're
gonna have to answer to us, all right?

338
00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:58,041
That's right. We're the only ones
who are allowed to call you a dork.

339
00:21:58,116 --> 00:22:04,112
l don't care what they call me. Mom says
Dad's a dork and he feels good about it.

340
00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:13,159
Heh.

341
00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:18,127
You called me a dork?

342
00:22:18,203 --> 00:22:21,331
<i>(whispers) l was trying
to build up his self-esteem.</i>

343
00:22:21,406 --> 00:22:24,375
<i>(whispers) What about my self-esteem?</i>

344
00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,140
There's nothing you'd say that l didn't.

345
00:22:31,216 --> 00:22:34,674
Well, there are certain things
that mothers are just better at.

346
00:22:34,753 --> 00:22:38,780
l'm pretty dosh-garned good
at calking to my... to-to...

347
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,923
We're gonna be late for the doctor.

348
00:22:43,995 --> 00:22:46,429
l don't want to get a flu shot.

349
00:22:47,265 --> 00:22:49,631
<i>The doctor sh... (stutters)</i>

350
00:22:50,305 --> 00:23:50,384
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