1 00:00:00,934 --> 00:00:02,629 Welcome back to Tool Time. 2 00:00:02,702 --> 00:00:08,663 Our guest today is the 1 994 lllinois state champion for husband-calling. 3 00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,903 For those of you who don't know what that is, 4 00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:15,141 it is a contest to see who can call their spouse the loudest. 5 00:00:15,215 --> 00:00:20,744 Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a big, warm welcome to Deb Selby. 6 00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:27,050 - Welcome to the show, Deb. - Thanks, Tim. 7 00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:30,255 Can you tell us something about a husband-calling contest? 8 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:33,163 A husband-calling contest is like a hog-calling contest, 9 00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:36,691 only in this case the hog is your husband. 10 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,868 OK, let me try to get this straight. 11 00:00:39,939 --> 00:00:44,876 Your husband's in the back 40 in the barn, greasing up a chassis on an old tractor. 12 00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:46,969 You want his attention, what do you do? 13 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,345 l holler at him like this. 14 00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,976 (shouts) Steven! 15 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,043 Hubba-bubba-bubba-bubba-bubba! 16 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,281 Husband, l love you! 17 00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:59,689 Steven, get in here right now! 18 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:12,228 So how long have you and (shouts) Steven... been married? 19 00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:15,433 1 1 years. That's my husband Steve sitting up in the audience. 20 00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:17,066 Hey, Steve. 21 00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:20,044 You're married 1 1 years, you still can't tune her out? 22 00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,081 Huh? 23 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,951 l can tune out any woman as long as l'm watching sports. 24 00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,921 My wife can yell in my ear. l can watch sports, l can come out with the scores. 25 00:01:29,989 --> 00:01:34,016 Would you like to prove it? Bring out the sports channel, see if he can tune out Deb. 26 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,689 - What do you think about that challenge? - Yeah! 27 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,426 Heidi, bring out the TV. 28 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:43,792 Here you go, Tim. 29 00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:45,967 There you go, Tim. PGA golf. 30 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:49,338 (TV commentator) He's two strokes back on the leader 31 00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:51,434 (shouts) Timmy! 32 00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:54,776 Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy! 33 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,679 Timmy! 34 00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:59,513 Here, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy! 35 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:01,577 Timmy! 36 00:02:01,654 --> 00:02:04,589 Here, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy! 37 00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:09,958 All right, Tim. Well, what did the announcer say? 38 00:02:12,232 --> 00:02:13,893 What? 39 00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:17,099 The announcer - what did he say? 40 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:22,005 This always happens to Steve. He gets a ringing in his ears. 41 00:02:23,009 --> 00:02:25,239 You're not singing in my rear. 42 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,738 Timmy! 43 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,415 Here, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy! 44 00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:30,245 Here, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy! 45 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:38,074 Use the free code JOINNOW at ���www.playships.eu 46 00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:21,766 94, 95, 1 96 galvanized nails. 47 00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:24,428 Al, who cares how many nails we got? 48 00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:30,340 To run an efficient business, you should have an accurate inventory. 49 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:39,442 When was the last time you counted everything in this store? 50 00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:43,649 Oh, let's see. lncluding yesterday, never. 51 00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:48,718 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... 52 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,922 - 1 3, 1 2... - Don't. 53 00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:54,433 ...28, 1 05, 40. 54 00:03:55,134 --> 00:03:58,126 - What's up, Harry? - Hey, guys. How are you doing? 55 00:03:58,204 --> 00:03:59,694 Hey, Mark. Hi. 56 00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:01,763 So what can l do for you today, Tim? 57 00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,672 What? 58 00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:09,145 You still having trouble with your hearing? 59 00:04:09,215 --> 00:04:11,479 Herring? l hate fish. 60 00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:14,076 When did you start selling fish? 61 00:04:14,153 --> 00:04:16,644 The doctor said his hearing will come back any day. 62 00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:18,782 We came here to get a hacksaw blade. 63 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,519 Oh. Aisle three. 64 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,959 - What? - Aisle three. 65 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,020 So go pee. 66 00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:29,826 Are the hacksaw blades where they usually are? 67 00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:31,893 Check out this Swiss army knife. 68 00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:36,499 You know what that thing is? That's a Swiss army knife. 69 00:04:38,177 --> 00:04:41,840 Wow! lt's got a magnifying glass, corkscrew, can opener... 70 00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,973 That's right. Tweezers and a nail file. 71 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:47,451 Yeah, for Al's mid-afternoon pedicure. 72 00:04:48,187 --> 00:04:50,519 l'd give anything to have a knife this cool. 73 00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:54,686 Yeah, me too, but where are we gonna get 95 bucks? 74 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,457 - We could sell Mark. - Hey. 75 00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:00,431 Where are we gonna get the other 90? 76 00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:05,961 Harry, l'll just take this one. Gotta run - gotta get the boys to soccer practice. 77 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,734 OK, l'll put it on your tab. 78 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:12,005 l don't need a cab. l got a car right out front. 79 00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,546 l'm gonna charge you double. 80 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:17,981 You're right. Al does look like Barney Rubble. 81 00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:29,686 - Hi, Tim. Did you get your hearing back? - What? 82 00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:33,095 - Did you get your hearing back? - l got my hearing back. ls Al here? 83 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,794 l think he's backstage. Do you need your cutters? 84 00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,631 - Both sets, please. - OK. 85 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,831 (imitates Deb) Albert! 86 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,431 Albert, Albert, Albert, Albert! 87 00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,037 - What's the matter? - Nothing. 88 00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:51,379 l was just practicing for next year's sidekick-calling contest. 89 00:05:51,451 --> 00:05:54,716 Uh, actually, Tim, there's something l need to talk to you about. 90 00:05:54,787 --> 00:05:56,812 lt's about yesterday. 91 00:05:56,889 --> 00:06:01,383 After you left the hardware store, l noticed a little something was missing. 92 00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:06,023 Thank you, Al. l do kind of light up a hardware store, don't l? 93 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:10,433 l... Actually, you know that Swiss army knife your boys were admiring? 94 00:06:10,503 --> 00:06:11,868 Yeah. 95 00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,929 lt's gone. 96 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:19,538 You're not suggesting one of my boys stole it, are you? 97 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,807 No. 98 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:25,544 But knives don't just get up and walk off on their own. 99 00:06:25,618 --> 00:06:27,882 Well, maybe Harry stole it. 100 00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:33,383 Why would Harry steal a pocketknife from his own store? 101 00:06:33,459 --> 00:06:35,620 To collect the insurance. 102 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,594 You know, this was not easy for me to bring up. 103 00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:44,693 And l turned that store upside down looking for that darn thing 104 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:49,936 and the fact is it was there when you guys came in and when you left... it was gone. 105 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:54,002 l know kids steal things, but my boys steal from you and Harry? Come on. 106 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,608 Things like that happen. Let me tell you a story about my uncle's grocery store. 107 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:03,246 - l was holding my mother's hand... - This was yesterday? 108 00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:05,984 l was seven years old. 109 00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:11,121 And she went off to look for the children's appetite suppressant... 110 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,097 And... 111 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:16,431 on the shelf there was a cookie. 112 00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:20,295 And l stole it and l ate it. 113 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:31,707 OK, so you're saying you think one of my kids ate that knife? 114 00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:41,817 - Hi, sweetie. How was your day? - Where are the boys? 115 00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:43,486 Outside. 116 00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:47,363 And how was my day? lt was great. l went to school. lt was real interesting. 117 00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:52,427 l came home. l washed the floor. l did the laundry. l had an affair. 118 00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:57,308 - Who are you talking to? - Evidently myself. 119 00:07:57,376 --> 00:08:02,040 Al thinks one of the boys might have stolen a knife from the hardware store. 120 00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:06,175 - Why would they steal a knife? - Not a knife. A Swiss army knife. 121 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:11,417 This is the reason the Swiss army is the force they are today. 122 00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:15,059 lt's got a magnifying glass, a corkscrew, a toothpick. 123 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:19,860 ln case they get attacked by wine stewards with spinach in their teeth? 124 00:08:19,932 --> 00:08:22,400 - ls this funny to you? - Yeah. 125 00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:25,835 - Boys, come in here. l wanna talk to you. - We'll be there in a sec. 126 00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:28,100 You think our boys would steal from Al? 127 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,666 No, but Al does and he's not the type of guy who accuses people. 128 00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:35,976 - Yo, Dad, what's going on? - Settle up for a minute. 129 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:41,244 Al couldn't find that Swiss army knife. Any idea who might have taken it? 130 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:47,054 You know, maybe Harry took it. To collect the insurance money. 131 00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:49,720 Where do you come up with these ideas? 132 00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,766 Nobody's accusing anybody of anything, but... 133 00:08:55,835 --> 00:09:00,431 if you know anything about this, this is a good time to tell us what you know. 134 00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:02,804 - l know l didn't take it. - Me either. 135 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,811 - Wasn't me. - Brad, you've always wanted one of these. 136 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:10,610 Yeah. So has Randy. lf somebody took it, it was probably him. 137 00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:16,747 You're the thief. You took Dad's hot rod magazine with the babes on the cover. 138 00:09:16,822 --> 00:09:21,156 What? The Bevy Of Beauties From Chevy? You got that issue? 139 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:27,092 Well, Randy took Mom's Victoria's Secret catalog. 140 00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:30,568 That's mine too. 141 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,567 Can we get back to the knife? 142 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:39,168 - Look, we didn't take it. - How many times do we have to tell you? 143 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,612 Fine. OK, fine. Just go back outside. lt's all right. 144 00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,644 Do we believe 'em? 145 00:09:45,718 --> 00:09:50,280 l hope they didn't take it. They said they didn't. l gotta take this upstairs. 146 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:54,656 Yeah, but do we trust the kids that would take their dad's Victoria's Secret catalog? 147 00:09:54,727 --> 00:10:00,597 l'm more worried that their dad is the one getting the Victoria's Secret catalog. 148 00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:03,260 What are you wearing under there? 149 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:06,533 A beautiful camisole and a silk thong. 150 00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:16,479 The only reason l buy those magazines is to read the articles. 151 00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:19,450 You know, if anybody stole that, it was probably Brad. 152 00:10:19,518 --> 00:10:22,146 Except Randy couldn't even look me right in the eye. 153 00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:25,554 That's 'cause you got some schmutz on your nose. 154 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,093 - Schmutz? - Yeah. Schmutz. 155 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,861 - What are you doing? - Dusting. 156 00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:38,631 - ln a drawer? - Very dusty in here. Look at this. 157 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:43,000 You are searching their rooms. l'm not gonna stand by and let you do that. 158 00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:46,841 That is an invasion of the boys' privacy. My mother used to do that to me. 159 00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:50,439 l really, really, really hated it. The way she did it was so sneaky too. 160 00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:53,974 What did she do? Maybe there's something she did we could use. 161 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,614 No. lt was really stupid. l'd catch her looking in my desk drawer 162 00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,591 and she'd pretend that she was putting my underwear away. 163 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:06,656 No. lf l start searching their rooms, l might as well turn right into my mother. 164 00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:11,401 Don't even joke about that. 165 00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:17,932 l am not gonna become a snoopy parent who doesn't trust their kids. Tim! 166 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:21,810 Oh, man. l keep telling Mark not to put his dirty laundry back into his drawer. 167 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:24,372 A lot of guys do that. 168 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:31,449 Especially guys who just stole a pocket knife. 169 00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:39,190 No, no, no, no, no. l'll handle this. 170 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:42,166 - Hi, Mark. Having an apple? - Yeah. 171 00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:45,169 l like apples peeled, but to peel one, what would you need? 172 00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,467 You'd need a knife, wouldn't you? 173 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:52,910 Boy. Oh, wait a minute, l got one. l'll just peel that for you. Use this knife here. 174 00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:55,208 Oh, maybe l'll have a banana. 175 00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:58,045 Maybe you'll sit down. 176 00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,745 Mark, we found the knife in your pants pocket. 177 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:04,688 Why did you do this? What do you have to say? 178 00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:08,215 Who cares what he has to say? He stole something then he lied about it. 179 00:12:08,294 --> 00:12:10,854 You let me yell at your brothers and take the rap. 180 00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:14,058 - You're grounded indefinitely now. - Tim, wait. 181 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:18,092 Before you start doling out the punishment, l think we should discuss this. 182 00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:20,297 l'm with Mom. 183 00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:23,136 You stole from my best friends. They're like family. 184 00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:25,803 - ls this how you treat these guys? - Dad, l'm sorry. 185 00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:28,608 - Forget about sorry! lt doesn't work. - Stop yelling. 186 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:32,742 l've a right to yell. My kid's a rotten little thief. That's what you've turned into. 187 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:35,480 Wait a second. Where are you going? l'm not finished. 188 00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:38,785 How could you do that? You called your son a rotten little thief. 189 00:12:38,858 --> 00:12:40,849 - That's what he is. - He is not rotten. 190 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:44,589 He's never done anything like this. You didn't have to scream, you scared him. 191 00:12:44,663 --> 00:12:49,566 Maybe that's good. Next time he thinks about stealing, he'll think twice about it. 192 00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:53,162 l hate when you do this. The kids do something, you overreact... 193 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:56,936 - No, you underreact. - l do not underreact. You go overboard. 194 00:12:57,009 --> 00:13:00,911 - You go underboard. - There's no such word as underboard. 195 00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,942 Since when are you the only one that makes decisions here? 196 00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:09,249 l thought we did this parenting thing together. 197 00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:12,256 Somebody had to deal out punishment and it wasn't gonna be you. 198 00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:17,023 l see. So you deal out the punishment and l'm the one who has to stay and enforce it? 199 00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:21,260 You wanna work together? That's your part. 200 00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:28,270 - That's the stupidest thing you've said. - So what do l do? Quit work, stay home? 201 00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,865 Just think about what you say before you say it. 202 00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:36,074 And if it's not the right thing to say, then don't say it at all. 203 00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:40,508 Could you say that again? 204 00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,344 (knock at door) 205 00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,419 - Can l come in? - No. 206 00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:55,122 Honey, l want to talk to you. 207 00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,730 Look... 208 00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:02,002 What you did was wrong. 209 00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:05,737 But your father came down on you hard and l thought you might be upset. 210 00:14:05,811 --> 00:14:07,802 l'm not upset. 211 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:12,579 Well, l'd be upset if somebody yelled at me like that. 212 00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:15,848 My dad used to yell at me like that. He was an army colonel. 213 00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:20,119 He was trained to yell so you could hear him from one end of the base to the other. 214 00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:23,593 Randy, can you leave us alone for a few minutes? 215 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,622 But it's my room. 216 00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:30,227 l'm trying to tell Mark a story from when l was a little girl. 217 00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,964 l'm outta here. 218 00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:37,366 Hey, hey. Not so fast. Come on, talk to me. 219 00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:40,776 - l don't want to talk. - Well, OK. 220 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,838 OK, then l'll just sit here with you. 221 00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:50,084 l could tell you about the time that my father yelled at me 222 00:14:50,155 --> 00:14:54,387 'cause l was trying to sneak out of the house in a skirt he thought was too short. 223 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,793 lt was way longer than any of the skirts my friends were wearing, 224 00:14:57,863 --> 00:15:03,460 except of course, for Darlene Mayberry, but she had really chubby knees. 225 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,762 (chanting in Japanese) 226 00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,940 - Wilson. - (continues chanting) 227 00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:19,351 Wilson, could you stop singing and talk to me for a second? 228 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:23,616 Well, hi-ho, neighbor. Happy Tako Age. 229 00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:27,216 Happy Yokohama to you. What's with the kite? 230 00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:31,753 Today is the Japanese festival of Tako Age, which means ''big kite-flying day.'' 231 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:37,200 According to legend, a master of a 1 6th century Japanese castle flew a kite 232 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:40,067 in order to celebrate the birth of his son. 233 00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:44,872 Yeah? What did he do when his son committed his first crime? 234 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,434 Pardon? 235 00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,673 l'm not gonna pardon him. 236 00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,642 What in the world are you talking about? 237 00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:56,552 l'll tell you what. Mark got caught stealing a pocket knife from Harry's hardware store. 238 00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:59,022 l got angry with him. l really didn't like this. 239 00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:03,687 Jill got mad at me because l yelled at him. l told him he was grounded for life. 240 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:05,821 That seems like harsh punishment. 241 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:10,699 l look at it as the stronger the punishment, the less likely the kid will do it again. 242 00:16:10,769 --> 00:16:15,672 Tim, many people subscribe to that theory, but l'm reminded of the great Nietzsche. 243 00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:19,837 Wow. What a linebacker. Green Bay Packers. 244 00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:22,142 No. No, no, no, no. 245 00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:26,446 Not Ray Nitschke. l'm talking about Friedrich Nietzsche, the philosopher. 246 00:16:26,518 --> 00:16:29,419 - Sure. Freddy. Yeah. - Yes. 247 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:33,424 Nietzsche said that punishment often increases the feelings of estrangement 248 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:37,292 and strengthens the power of resistance. 249 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,763 l think what influenced me more was Fisk. 250 00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:43,063 l didn't know you were a fan of John Fiske, the English historian. 251 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:47,731 l'm not. l'm talking about Carlton Fisk, the White Sox catcher. 252 00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:50,604 He said if you get caught stealing, throw him out. 253 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,814 - Hey, Dad. - Hey, guys. 254 00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:58,907 - Where's Mark? - l don't know. 255 00:16:58,984 --> 00:17:01,248 He was supposed to meet us, but never showed up. 256 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,550 l told him to come straight home after school. 257 00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:07,524 Dad, the kid's a convicted hardware criminal. 258 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:09,959 - They're unpredictable. - Come on, guys. 259 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,692 Let's make some calls and find your brother. Come on. 260 00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:18,269 Yeah. Pete's Pets? Hi, this is Tim Taylor. 261 00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:20,703 l was won... Thank you. 262 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,367 Hearing's fine now. OK. 263 00:17:23,442 --> 00:17:26,570 Yeah, we all love Al. That's great. 264 00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:30,672 l've got kind of a serious issue here. l'm looking for my son. 265 00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:33,718 Yeah, we bought a hamster there a while ago. l'm looking... 266 00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:37,347 How big is he? About the size of my hand with a little tail on there. 267 00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:39,414 Oh, Mark? Yeah. 268 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:43,819 About 4'1 0'', shaggy blond hair, no tail. 269 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:49,192 He hasn't been by there at all? OK, but if he stops by will you have him call me? 270 00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,793 - Thank you. Goodbye. - Where's Mark? 271 00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:55,704 He didn't come home from school, but there's no reason to be concerned. 272 00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:58,572 Oh, my God. Are you saying he ran away? 273 00:17:58,644 --> 00:18:01,078 We don't know. He's not at school or his friends', 274 00:18:01,146 --> 00:18:03,410 or the police, the hospital or the pet store. 275 00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:05,950 - Well, then where is he? - (phone rings) 276 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,918 Hello. 277 00:18:07,986 --> 00:18:10,784 Yes. Oh, thank God. He's OK. 278 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,119 Really? 279 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,491 OK. We'll be there as soon as we can. 280 00:18:16,562 --> 00:18:18,189 - Bye-bye. - Well? 281 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,697 He went to the hardware store to apologize. 282 00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:23,030 Well, that's great. That's my boy there. 283 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,663 Your boy doesn't wanna leave the hardware store. 284 00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:28,729 All right. 285 00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:36,972 He doesn't wanna leave the hardware store because he's afraid of you. 286 00:18:39,084 --> 00:18:43,248 So even though it was only one cookie that l stole, 287 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:49,386 the point is l, too, succumbed to temptation. 288 00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,520 You understand, Mark? 289 00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:55,624 l think so, but what's an appetite suppressant? 290 00:18:56,368 --> 00:19:00,168 Something his mother obviously never found. 291 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,404 - Hi, honey. - Hey, Mark. 292 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,240 Hi, Mom. 293 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,802 Listen... 294 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:12,749 We'll just be in the back. lf a customer comes in, give us a call. 295 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,752 Thanks, guys. 296 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,050 Hey, Mark, let me talk to you for a minute. 297 00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:20,614 l'm not gonna yell at you. l'm really sorry l went nuts today. 298 00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:24,890 - But what you did really upset me. - So you must really hate me. 299 00:19:24,963 --> 00:19:27,830 Come on, Mark. No, l really, really love you, all right? 300 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,595 lt's just... 301 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,432 lt's just certain things really, really set me off. 302 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:36,873 - Excuse me, do you have any mops? - Can't you see l'm talking to my kid here? 303 00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:40,173 Could you give us a few minutes? Go get some coffee or something? 304 00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:42,236 ls there a coffee place in the area? 305 00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:46,080 What - do l look like Juan Valdez here? ls she Colombian? Do you see beans? 306 00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:49,484 Here. Just take this. 307 00:19:52,591 --> 00:19:55,617 When you or your brothers lie or cheat or steal like this, 308 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,254 it makes your mom and l feel we're not doing our jobs. 309 00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:02,323 Part of our job is to make you see the difference between right and wrong. 310 00:20:02,401 --> 00:20:04,392 l know it's wrong to steal. 311 00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:06,994 Then why did you take the knife? 312 00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:09,336 l don't know. 313 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,069 l thought... 314 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:15,341 lf l had the knife, Brad and Randy would think l'm cool. 315 00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,314 l'm really sorry l did it. 316 00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:21,512 We know you're sorry. Coming here showed that. lt took a lot of guts. 317 00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:26,524 Which is why l spoke to the governor and we commuted your sentence to two weeks. 318 00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:27,581 Thanks. 319 00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:32,358 Unfortunately, we found you haven't paid your state income tax for the last 1 1 years. 320 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:37,368 - Dad, l'm only ten. - Hey, that's the government for you. 321 00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,734 - Bye, guys. - Bye, guys. Thanks. 322 00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,865 - Oh, well, OK. - (Jill) You want to get some ice cream? 323 00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:44,932 (Mark) Yes. 324 00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:51,446 - What's the matter, Al? - Someone stole a mop. 325 00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,584 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 326 00:21:03,662 --> 00:21:06,563 - You were searching their room. - No, l wasn't. 327 00:21:06,632 --> 00:21:10,033 l was looking for my issues of my hot rod magazine. 328 00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,037 Busty Babes and Buicks? 329 00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:17,201 Another fine volume from your reference library. 330 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,143 Something of yours in here too. 331 00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:23,773 That's my recipe for tuna and lima bean casserole. 332 00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:27,011 Why would they hide that? 333 00:21:27,986 --> 00:21:30,477 lf it were me, l would have burned it. 334 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,957 What else of mine have they got in here? 335 00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,291 Mom. 336 00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:47,064 What are you doing? 337 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,531 Putting your underwear away. 338 00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:56,336 ln the desk drawer? 339 00:21:56,415 --> 00:21:58,508 Yes. 340 00:21:58,583 --> 00:22:01,552 lt's something my mother taught me. 341 00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:07,150 This way, if you're doing your homework and you realize that... 342 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:10,456 you're not wearing any underwear, 343 00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:14,862 then you don't have to walk all the way to the dresser drawer. 344 00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:23,337 Come on. l can't believe you... What? A little blithering thief... What? 345 00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:39,116 l'm sorry. l really couldn't keep up the ''little blithering thie' thing. 346 00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:42,592 - l... l didn't think that... - (Tim) What was wrong with it? 347 00:22:42,661 --> 00:22:48,258 - Blithering thief. l just can't... - OK, let's get right back into it. 348 00:22:49,305 --> 00:23:49,309 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/jv4e Help other users to choose the best subtitles