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Welcome back to Bachelor Week
right here on Tool Time
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lf you remember, yesterday
Tim showed us how to shave in the car
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when you're running behind.
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Today, it's Al's turn, with a look at
the rough-and-tumble world of...
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lroning. Now, ironing used to be
a woman's domain. But not these days.
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Because they won't
do it for us anymore.
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More importantly, a man should know
how to do his own ironing.
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Now, l think of an iron
as just another tool.
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You can even hang it
from your tool belt.
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But you don't want to plug it in, 'cause
there are things you don't want ironed.
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Historically,
men have been ironing for ages.
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The first irons
were made of iron heated by fire.
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This iron here was developed
to be heated by coal.
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Then came the nine irons,
your tire irons, and my personal favorite,
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your Jeremy lrons.
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He's so wonderful.
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All right.
Let's get to ironing technique.
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l start with the sleeve and move on to the
body of the shirt. Marv, if you come in here.
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l also like to start
with a light spray from my mist button.
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Let me show you how the pros do it.
l mean the European tailors,
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Chinese tailors, Hong Kong tailors.
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Tim Taylors.
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We use the old
gravity-feed professional iron.
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Yeah.
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1 ,000 watts,
1 20 volts, 2 75 degrees.
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(grunts)
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l like a little starch in my shirt,
so l'll starch her up.
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Actually, Tim,
too much starch can irritate the skin.
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Yeah. Too much Al can irritate Tim.
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lf you iron like Al,
it'll take forever.
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European way,
professional way, do it quick.
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Steam going there.
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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And there you go.
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(Brad) My life is over.
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Randy, l've got a pimple.
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l don't see anything.
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lt's one of those under-the-skin ones.
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lt's gonna come out tomorrow.
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Well, maybe we can throw it
a coming-out party.
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lnvite all the other pimples
in the neighborhood.
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Randy, you don't understand. Tomorrow
night's my date with Jessica Lutz.
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What am l gonna do?
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Send her fries and a chocolate bar,
hope she breaks out too.
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Hey, guys.
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Hey, Dad. l got a pimple on my nose,
and l got a date with Jessica Lutz.
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Come on. lf she's a real woman, she's
not gonna notice a little zit on your nose.
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- She's a 1 4-year-old girl.
- You're in trouble. Big, big trouble.
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What works for me
is a hot compress,
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you bring the zit to the surface,
you pop it, ding dong, the zit is dead.
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Cool! Come on, Randy,
let's go soak my pimple.
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Brad, l'm looking for a hobby,
but that's not it.
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Hi, sweetie.
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- Hey, baby.
- Hi.
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- You're a little late.
- l took my teacher Judith out for coffee.
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Great move! That'll guarantee you a C,
but if you want the A, you gotta give cash.
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That's not why l'm doing it.
l really like her.
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Great. Anyway, l'm doing the hot rod. l got
the dash panel up. Wanna take a look?
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l just hate knowing that Judith's
going home to an empty house, though.
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A wonderful woman like that
should not be alone.
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You know who would be perfect for her?
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Wilson.
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Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, no!
You keep your filthy little mitts off Wilson.
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Admit it, l'm on a roll.
l'm the one who set up Al and llene.
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You could have set Al up with a mop
with a wig on, he would've been happy.
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Matter of fact, l think you did. They went
to Chicago. He had a great time with her.
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- Wilson is lonely.
- l think he likes being alone.
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You can't set Wilson up
with some woman off the street.
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She's not just some woman off the street.
She's faced incredible adversity.
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Her husband left her with two children
and no money when she was 24 years old.
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- She still managed to get a Ph.D.
- Like that's hard to do.
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- What exactly is your problem here?
- What do you know about this woman?
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Ph.D., kids -
what about the important things?
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What kind of car does she drive?
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l don't know.
Some sort of station wagon.
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Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
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l dated a station wagon once.
lt was a nightmare.
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Tim, l'm setting her up with Wilson,
not with you.
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Well, if she's lonely,
have her get her own Wilson.
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Aha!
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l see what's going on here.
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You're afraid that
if Wilson spends time with Judith,
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he's not gonna have any time for you.
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lf they got married and
went on honeymoon, who would l talk to?
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lt could be
a very difficult week for me.
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Well, that's true,
because then we'd have to talk,
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and that would be
a very difficult week for me.
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Hey, Wilson.
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- Well, hi-ho, neighborette.
- What are you doing?
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Hanging replicas of ancient clay bells from
Crete. They're to attract friendly spirits.
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- What do you know? Here l am.
- (Wilson chuckles)
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l know we're supposed
to come to you for dinner tomorrow,
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but l was wondering
if you'd come to ours instead.
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Well, l do appreciate the invite,
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but l've already made the koftas
for my Malai Kofta curry.
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l just wanted to introduce you
to this professor that l really like.
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l have a cornucopia of koftas. Why doesn't
the good professor come to my place?
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That would be great!
You are really gonna like her, Wilson.
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Her?
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Yeah. She is incredible.
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She's funny, and smart,
extremely attractive,
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and extremely available.
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Jill, this wouldn't by any chance
be a setup, would it?
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A setup? No. No, no, no.
Definitely not a setup.
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Well, l guess it'd be OK,
as long as there's no pressure.
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- Absolutely none.
- Good.
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You might wanna wear
those gray slacks
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and that blue sweater
that brings out the blue in your eyes.
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And you should puff up your hair,
'cause you get that hat-head thing.
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Thanks, Dad.
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Because of your hot compress idea,
my zit is the size of a tomato.
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l knew it'd bring the blood to the surface.
l didn't think it'd make a home there.
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Little kids will come up to me
and think that l'm a clown.
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Come on, Brad, get over it.
They're not gonna do that.
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Just in case, maybe you should practice
making those little balloon animals.
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This is a nightmare. l'm going out
with Jessica in a half an hour.
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OK. This problem
needs a woman's touch.
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Brad?
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Wake up to makeup.
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No, no.
l am not wearing makeup.
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lf l were you,
l'd be open to suggestions.
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Rudolph.
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(Wilson) Welcome, Taylors!
My, my, my, what a lovely bromeliad.
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Wilson, l'm sorry
Jill roped you into this.
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l did not rope him into this.
He's excited. Aren't you?
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Well, actually, l'm quite nervous.
l haven't really dated in 20 years.
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- Well, l can give you some pointers.
- Oh, great.
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This from the man who, on our first date,
brought me a bouquet of spark plugs.
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When you're dating a woman, they like to
hear stories that tell how sensitive you are.
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l knocked Jill out with this one where
l saved a kitty-cat drowning. Remember?
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You said it was an old lady.
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Kitty-cat, old lady.
You married me, didn't you?
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Don't listen to him.
Just be yourself.
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You know, tell her about
all that interesting stuff that you do.
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Well, maybe l could tell her
of the time l was in lndia
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and danced naked while my body
was pierced by the swords of Siva.
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Then again, you don't want
to reveal too much on your first date.
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(gong and panpipe doorbell)
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- OK, l'll get it.
- (Wilson groans)
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Oh, my.
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Are you OK?
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Actually, l'm experiencing
extreme diaphoresis.
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l'm sweating like a pig.
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- Thank you.
- Judith, this is my husband, Tim.
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- Hello, Judith.
- Nice to meet you.
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How's Jill at school? Does she follow
directions? Work and play with others?
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Yes, but she gets
a little rambunctious during nap time.
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You should see her at home.
Whoa!
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And this is Wilson.
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- Well, nice to meet you.
- You too.
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Jill has told me so much about you.
lt's all been great.
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- Well, l am flattered.
- But she didn't tell me your last name.
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- lt's Wilson.
- l thought that was your first name.
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Wilson is my first name.
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lt's not that unusual.
l'm actually Tim Tim. This is Jill Jill.
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Sorry sorry.
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- Would you like some white wine?
- Yes, please.
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- l'll give you a hand.
- Sure.
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This is a very interesting house, Wilson.
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Or should l call you ''Wilson''?
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Judith, in addition to being my professor,
mentor, friend, is also a renowned author.
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Hardly renowned.
My book sold about four copies.
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Two of which were to my children.
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l wrote a book once.
How To Maintain Your Bench Grinder
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- That sold no copies.
- lt was probably more exciting than mine.
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lt was called The Psychophysiological
Indices of Amorous Connections
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Among Termites of the Southwest
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- How did you know that?
- Because l have read it. lt is wonderful!
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l mean, it's practically the Bible for anyone
interested in the mating pattern of insects.
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All two of you.
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You see, l am quite the devotee
of what l humorously term ''insexuality.''
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(Judith laughs)
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- l can't believe you actually read my book.
- l've got it here, l'll show you.
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We'll have to talk insects over dinner.
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Yeah. 'Cause usually over here
we eat insects for dinner.
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(Wilson) Here it is.
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You even dog-eared the pages.
Now it's my turn to be flattered.
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(Wilson chuckles)
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l gotta start a dating service.
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# You made me love you
l didn't want to do it
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# l didn't want to do it
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# You made me want you
And all the time you knew it
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# You know you really knew it
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You're darn right...
(sings) l knew it.
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- Well, hi-ho, Tim.
- Hi, there, Wilson.
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l haven't seen much of you
in a couple of weeks.
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l've been spending
a lot of time with Judith.
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As a matter of fact,
l'm sculpting her bust right now.
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00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:11,280
- So things are going pretty good, huh?
- They are incredible.
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00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:15,225
As the Japanese would say,
Judith has become my aijin
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00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,819
- l don't follow.
- Well, as they'd say in Tanzania,
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Judith has become
my rafiki yangu mpenzi
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ln America, near Detroit,
what would they say?
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They'd say l am crazy about her.
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00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:34,107
l'd love to chat, but l have to make dinner.
l promised Judith something romantic.
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- Oysters?
- No, l'm making haggis.
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00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:39,413
lt's a sheep's stomach
served dumpling-style.
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00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:42,844
Mmm.
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00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:50,261
- Hey!
- Hi, sweetie.
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Great news. Wilson is making
Judith's breasts out of clay.
201
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,930
What?
202
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,937
You were right about them.
He's crazy about her.
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00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:01,700
Oh, no.
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00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:06,535
What do you mean, ''Oh, no''?
This is what you wanted.
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00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:10,309
l just talked to Judith.
She's having doubts about the relationship.
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00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:12,748
Oh, no.
207
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:17,779
Judith says that Wilson
has a problem with intimacy.
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00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,846
Oh!
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So he can't...
Oh. Oh, God. Oh!
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00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,153
Oh!
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00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:26,323
Well... Oh, honey!
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l mean, l would have never known.
He wouldn't talk about something like that.
213
00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:35,239
No wonder he's got all this...
Probably an old war injury or something.
214
00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:39,437
Not that kind of intimacy!
l'm talking about emotional intimacy.
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00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:43,208
Thank God it's nothing important.
Whoo!
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He doesn't share his feelings.
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00:14:47,086 --> 00:14:50,715
She's spent the last two weeks with him
and she doesn't know who he is.
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00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:54,281
l've spent the last 1 5 years with him,
and l don't know who he is.
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00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,952
lt doesn't hurt our relationship.
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She wants more from the relationship.
She wants to go to the next level.
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00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:06,431
What is it with women and the ''next level''?
What's wrong with the level we're on?
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00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:10,464
Just take the elevator
and leave us the heck alone. Hm?
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00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:14,069
Every time she asks him about himself,
all he does is intellectualize
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or say something weird.
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00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:20,750
He always says something weird.
That's what makes Wilson Wilson Wilson.
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00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:29,085
You should talk to him. You're the only one
who can get through to him.
227
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:32,653
l'm supposed to go talk to that man
about emotions and intimacy?
228
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:35,359
Granted, you're not
the obvious choice.
229
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,732
Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
230
00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:41,671
lf he doesn't open up to her,
he is gonna lose her.
231
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,603
(grunting) OK, moving to the next level.
232
00:15:48,414 --> 00:15:51,542
- Wilson, you home?
- l'm in the kitchen, Tim, making haggis.
233
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:52,982
Hey. (snis)
234
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:55,816
You know, that stuff
doesn't smell half-bad.
235
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,789
- Pretty excited about having Judith over?
- Yes, indeed.
236
00:15:58,857 --> 00:16:00,916
- You really like her?
- Oh, yes.
237
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:05,521
- Oh, no. Oh.
- ls there something you want to tell me?
238
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:08,395
No, there's something
Jill wants me to tell you.
239
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:09,866
Uh...
240
00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:12,165
Judith is having a problem.
241
00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:15,934
- What kind of a problem? ls she all right?
- Oh, she's fine.
242
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:18,306
The problem is with you.
243
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:22,178
l don't understand.
Things were going so well.
244
00:16:22,247 --> 00:16:24,408
We made plans
to go to the Megalesia Festival
245
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,816
to commemorate
the end of the Punic War.
246
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:34,722
She... She says that... She told Jill that
she doesn't even think she knows you.
247
00:16:34,793 --> 00:16:38,923
That every time she tries to get you to open
up you just say something intellectual.
248
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,024
My, my, my. l must be displaying
the symptomatic behavior
249
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:44,501
of the classic male emotional distancer,
250
00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:47,300
precipitating her
to overfunction in the relationship,
251
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,706
therefore causing
deep-seated resentment.
252
00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:53,370
So knock it off.
253
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:56,642
Tim, l don't take easily
to personal or emotional revelation.
254
00:16:56,715 --> 00:17:02,017
No guy does. Opening up emotionally
is just a horrible thing women make us do.
255
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:05,750
Well, Tim,
l'm just not sure that l can do that.
256
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:16,599
Yes, you can.
Just use the word ''feel'' more.
257
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:20,126
You know, like,
''l feel hungry.'' ''l feel tired.''
258
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,299
''l feel big.'' ''l feel small.''
''l feel bloated.''
259
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:26,843
Tim, l think that
Judith and l weren't meant to be.
260
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:30,439
To be or not to be,
that is not the question.
261
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,218
You've got to learn
how to open up to this woman,
262
00:17:34,286 --> 00:17:38,689
otherwise you're gonna be all by yourself
at that milk of magnesia festival.
263
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:48,794
- So, are you enjoying your haggis?
- lt's very tender. What's in this?
264
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:52,098
That is sheep's liver
and other assorted organs.
265
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:54,503
lt's very filling.
266
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:58,140
These are lovely candles.
267
00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:01,775
Well, thank you.
268
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:04,839
l've always found it fascinating
how a candle burns.
269
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,886
The hot flame moves downward,
thus melting the wax,
270
00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:12,890
which rises through the wick
through capillary action...
271
00:18:12,958 --> 00:18:15,756
Oh, boy, that was dull.
272
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:19,292
Wilson, l think we should talk.
273
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:23,860
l know what you're gonna say, Judith.
l haven't been very open to you.
274
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:27,269
l don't understand why a man
who can talk brilliantly about anything
275
00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:31,275
can't tell me about the one thing
l really want to know.
276
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:35,370
Well, my family never really
talked much about personal matters.
277
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,712
Especially my father,
Wilson Wilson Sr.
278
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,915
What was he like?
279
00:18:43,989 --> 00:18:48,983
He was a scientist
who didn't put too much stock in emotions.
280
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:52,121
Must have been very difficult
to grow up with a man like that.
281
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,960
lt was.
282
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:56,626
You know, l loved my father.
283
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:59,967
lt always hurt me
when he kept me at a distance.
284
00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:03,966
And the last thing l ever wanted
was to be like him.
285
00:19:04,042 --> 00:19:08,069
But you're not.
You believe that feelings matter.
286
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:14,214
l know that, because l see
the way you care about mine.
287
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:21,051
You know, Judith...
288
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:26,190
l've never been open with a woman
since my wife died.
289
00:19:27,299 --> 00:19:29,995
But l would really like
to try with you.
290
00:19:30,068 --> 00:19:32,229
l'd like that too.
291
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:41,439
Well, maybe we can talk about it tomorrow
at the Megalesia Festival.
292
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:44,243
lf you still want to go.
293
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:48,753
l wouldn't want to celebrate
the end of the Punic War with anyone else.
294
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:53,917
Even though l have absolutely
no idea what the Punic War was.
295
00:19:53,992 --> 00:19:57,450
Well, actually, it's fascinating.
lt was when Rome saved itself by...
296
00:19:57,529 --> 00:20:00,054
Oh, who the hell cares?
They'll have beer.
297
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:08,638
You know, Judith,
not to bore you with more facts...
298
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:19,282
but primitive man believed
that the air he breathed had magic powers.
299
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:22,218
l'm not bored.
300
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:28,851
And when a man and a woman kissed,
it was as if their souls were mingling.
301
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:05,425
Oh, look, Mark.
lt's the sister we've always wanted.
302
00:21:06,531 --> 00:21:09,091
Hello, Bradina.
303
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:12,728
Laugh all you want. But l've been
going out with Jessica for two weeks,
304
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:15,272
and she hasn't noticed one zit.
305
00:21:15,340 --> 00:21:20,243
Yeah, but that doesn't explain
the lipstick and the mascara.
306
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:25,046
l dumped out all Mom's makeup.
Which do you think covers my zits better?
307
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:28,052
Bashful Beige or Nearly Nude?
308
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,388
This is too weird.
309
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:33,754
- (doorbell)
- l got it!
310
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:37,185
Hi. ls Brad here?
311
00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:41,198
Yeah. He's in the kitchen,
putting on his makeup.
312
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:49,070
Hey, Brad.
313
00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:56,308
Hey, Jessica!
What are you doing here?
314
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:59,714
l, um... l just thought
maybe we could go to practice together.
315
00:21:59,785 --> 00:22:01,013
Well, um...
316
00:22:01,086 --> 00:22:05,318
Brad, are you trying
to cover up that zit on your chin?
317
00:22:07,793 --> 00:22:11,729
Oh, man. l knew l should
have gone with Bashful Beige.
318
00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:19,337
No. No, l think
that Bashful Beige is too dark for you.
319
00:22:20,906 --> 00:22:24,000
You'd look better in Posy Pink.
320
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:27,273
l think l have that.
321
00:22:29,748 --> 00:22:34,242
All right. Now, guys, you need to remember
to apply it gently and blend thoroughly,
322
00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:38,756
because you always want
that natural boy-next-door look.
323
00:22:42,561 --> 00:22:46,725
There you go. Good job.
324
00:22:47,305 --> 00:23:47,446
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