Let go of me!
You gonna yell for your mommy?
No. Daddy!
Hey, boys! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Up! Up!
Hey, stop it! What are you doing? Stop it!
Remember what I told you guys about having laundry fights?
If you're gonna have them, let me in.
Dad, Mark got his dirty clothes all over my desk.
He's a total pig.
You think your roommate's a pig? How do you think mine feels?
Mark, what happened to the research for my history paper?
I didn't touch it. Mark, it's important. I need that stuff.
Let's look together. It's gotta be in here someplace.
What's it look like?
It's a couple of articles I clipped out from the newspaper.
Newspaper, newspaper... Newspaper?
Mark, how could you do that? I thought it was trash.
Yeah. Well, it is now, you little creep. Ow!
All right! Come on! Break it up! Break it up!
That's it, Dad. I've had it. I can't live with this little dweeb anymore.
Hey, it's not that bad.
A little puddle in the middle of it. You can still read the outside of it.
There you go. "The Senate today was rocked by scandal as two members...
(gibberish)
Talk about your yellow journalism.
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Uh-oh. Honey, it's a school night.
Maybe I can teach you something. All right.
You know, if school had been like this,
maybe I would've paid more attention.
(knock on door)
Mom, Dad, I gotta talk to you.
Get ahold of my people. We'll have lunch on Wednesday.
Come in, Randy.
I can't sleep. Mark's making that snoring sound again.
(imitates nasal snore)
It's the same sound you make,
except there's more of a phlegmy touch to yours.
I gotta have my own room.
Randy, it is 11:00 at night.
Now, I promise, tomorrow we'll set aside some special time,
and we'll sit down and talk about it.
In other words, you're hoping I'll forget about it by then.
Worked when you were younger.
Good night, sweetie. Good night.
Now, where were we?
Back-to-school night.
Hey, wait a minute. What about the basement?
I'm too old for that hard cement floor.
No. I could build him a bedroom in the basement.
Tim, we've talked about this before.
I don't want one of the boys down there. It's too far away.
I could put an intercom in. You could nag at the touch of a button.
It is not just that. It's cold. It's damp. There's no light down there.
Maybe it is now, but you gotta picture it the way I'm gonna make it.
I'm picturing what it's like every time you renovate.
There's a big hole in the wall and two paramedics.
First of all, I'll make no holes in the wall, and you know what?
It might be kind of cool to see Dave and Biff again.
Well, it's true that it's been a disaster
putting Randy and Mark together in the same room.
That's exactly why we should split them up and give him his own room.
I hate to admit this,
but you might be... right.
Of course I'm right. And the best part about it?
I can make a Tool Time remote out of this.
Every time we have to build something,
why does Tool Time have to be dragged over here?
Because the house is too heavy to drag over to Tool Time.
Welcome to a very special Tool Time -
live from Tim's basement.
Now here he is, the star of the show - Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
(theme plays)
Hi. Thank you, Heidi. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
And you all know my assistant Al Borland.
Here on Tool Time, we understand the needs of a growing family.
We're proud to present
"Converting Your Basement To A Bedroom For The Middle Son
Who's Not Getting Along With The Younger Son" special.
And here's Tim's middle son Randy Taylor.
Hi. I'm Randy. Welcome to my room.
Take off your shoes and don't mess anything up.
All right. All this week on Tool Time,
we'll be showing you the step-by-step process
of building a room in your basement.
Right. And the first step in any room conversion
is a close look at the floor plan.
And, Al, you forgot to put the stairway in here. Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Oh, yeah. There they are right there.
I came down to get a football.
That's OK. Come over here and say hello.
This is my older son Brad Taylor.
Hi. I want to say that I think the older son deserves the basement room.
We're doing a show.
It doesn't matter what he thinks, because he's a piece of...
Randy!
Hey! Don't give me any more of your...
Brad! You guys are becoming a major pain in the... Tim...
OK, we'll be right back after these messages -
Would you just cut it out, you little... Al!
Oh, OK.
Now, before we can put up our framing,
we need to attach this 2x4 nailer plate
which we will secure directly into the concrete foundation.
For that, we'll need a power fastener,
and there's no better fastener on the market than Binford's 6100. Heidi?
Here you are, Tim. Look at that bad boy.
Solid-steel construction, 22-caliber, full 3-inch pin capacity.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
Drive in your nails about every 32 inches or every other stud.
All right, Marv, bring the camera in real close and watch how this thing works.
Huh?
Not that close, Marv.
Well, you've seen the progress so far. What do you think?
I like the room. I'm just not crazy about the idea of him down there.
You gotta stop babying him. Give him his independence, turn him into a man.
This is the beginning of the end. Now he's living in the basement.
Tomorrow... England.
How did he get to England?
I always pictured Randy being a Rhodes scholar.
He doesn't need to go to England to study roads.
There's plenty of freeways right here in town.
He's just growing so fast.
It seems like yesterday that I brought him home from the hospital.
If you're talking about last week, that was me.
He used to be so attached to me.
I couldn't leave a room without him grabbing onto my leg.
I believe that was also me.
Hi. Welcome back to Tool Time.
One last nail, and our dry wall will be finished.
Yeah.
A little more spackle,
one last nail, and our dry wall's finished.
Hey, Randy. Hey.
Brad, I'm really sorry the basement isn't bigger
so we could each have our own room.
You're so full of it.
You're absolutely right.
Now we just secure the shelf.
Before you secure the shelf,
use your level to make sure it's aligned properly.
It is aligned properly. I built this myself. I used my eye.
If it's level, this ball won't roll.
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
All right, on to the built-ins.
Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm.
Yeah, Michelle, it's gonna be great.
Yeah, it'll be like having my own apartment.
And I'm gonna be as far away from my parents as humanly possible...
which is the one truly sad thing about it.
Ow!
Welcome back to Tool Time.
Now's the moment we've been waiting for.
That's right. Al is gonna remove his flannel
briefs and sumo wrestle with his mom.
May the best man win. Go to it, Al.
Do you think you'll ever get tired of making fun of my mother?
I... I see no sign of it.
Dad, my room?
All right, Marv, get ready.
Son, your new basement room. Step in.
(♪ electric guitar fanfare)
Whoa. Dad, this is great.
A boy's bunker, a lad's pad, a kid's castle...
Hey, Randy. It's my show, OK? All right.
Because of the small area,
we used a lot of space-saving features. Right, Al?
That's right. Well, we custom-built in this desk,
and we used an expanded steel for the cabinet doors.
Right. And look over here.
A built-in bed with storage units just like this.
We used custom-made steel tubing 1 1/4-inch thick.
Marv, come over here. I'm especially proud of this -
my own design for an oversized sliding pocket door.
But wait till you see this!
What is it?
All right. This is a reverse laundry chute.
You put your laundry in there, it sucks it right up to the garage...
right next to the washing machine. Let me demonstrate.
While Al wasn't watching, I deftly removed his underwear.
Simply place them right here. Al, press the button.
(knock on door)
It's open.
Hi. Hey.
I thought I'd come down and wish you sweet dreams
on your first night in your new room.
You did that when you came down five minutes ago.
I know. I know. I'm just having trouble
adjusting to you being so far away.
(Tim over intercom) Jill, will you stop bothering him and come back upstairs?
I'm having trouble leaving.
Step in front of the laundry chute.
All right, I'm coming. Good night, sweetie.
'Night, Mom.
Sleep well.
(motor humming)
(tapping and clanging)
♪ The itsy-bitsy spider went up the water spout...
(rustling)
♪ This little light of mine
♪ Lord, I'm gonna let it shine
♪ This little light...
(floorboards creaking)
♪ 99 bottles of beer on the wall
♪ 99 bottles of beer
♪ If one of those bottles should happen to fall
♪ 98 bottles of beer on the wall
♪ 98 bottles of beer...
(clanging and creaking continues)
♪ One bottle of beer on the wall
♪ One bottle of beer
♪ If one of those bottles should happen to fall...
(noises get louder)
I'm outta here.
All right, Mom!
Hi, Brad.
Don't start with me.
I know you're just gonna talk about how great your new room is.
All I said was, "Hi, Brad." See? There you go again.
All right, Brad. You want the basement, you can have it.
Yeah, right.
No, no, I'm serious. I'll trade you rooms.
All right, what did Dad screw up?
Is the room tilted? Hey, did the ceiling cave in?
No, no. The room's fine.
Morning, guys. What's up? Nothin'.
Actually, something is weird. Randy wants to trade rooms with me.
What?
Brad's unhappy, Mom's unhappy.
Let's face it, Dad, my having this room is splitting the whole family apart.
What's the real reason?
Why doesn't anybody believe me? I'm trying to do something nice.
Maybe because that's never happened before?
We all put a lot of work into this room for you.
I know. You scared down there?
No! A guy tries to do something nice for his brother,
and everybody jumps all over him.
Hi, sweetheart. How first night in your new room?
It was fine. Why does everybody keep on asking me about my room?
Is it just me, or does Randy seem a little tense?
I don't know what's going on. I came down, and he's trying to trade the room to Brad.
What? Why would he do that? Beats me.
Uh-huh. Well, you know what this means.
You're cooking pillows for breakfast again?
No. This is Randy's pillow. He obviously hid it up here.
Which means he slept up here, which means he didn't sleep down there,
which can only mean one thing.
Absolutely. What?
He's too scared to sleep in the basement.
No. I asked him. He said he wasn't scared.
He won't admit it. He'd be too embarrassed.
I think I should be the one to handle this.
And what are you gonna do about it?
Maybe I should sleep down there with him for a few nights until he gets adjusted.
Great idea.
Then he'll have a whole new set of problems.
(ticking)
(whistling)
Excuse me, Wilson. What are you doing?
Signaling the mother ship to take you back to your own planet?
No, Tim. I'm on my annual owl prowl.
(whistling)
The sound you hear is a male screech owl.
By playing this, I'm hoping to attract a female.
So, things aren't working out too well with your girlfriend, huh?
No, no, Tim.
On my last owl prowl, I studied the male of the species.
This year, I hope to study the female.
Golly, that sounds like a hoot.
(laughs)
So, what brings you out here at this late hour?
Jill found Randy's pillow in the microwave. You know what she thinks?
Oh, probably that he's sleeping on the couch instead of in the basement.
You're amazing.
Actually, I had a little extra clue.
Well, gosh darn it, she's right.
If he's so scared, why wouldn't he tell me?
Well, Tim, when you were 13, would you have admitted your fears?
When I was 13, I wasn't scared of anything.
If anybody tells you different, they're a big fat liar.
You know, Tim, I'm reminded of the great Winston Churchill.
He said you could take the most gallant sailor, the most intrepid airman,
the most audacious soldier,
put them at a table together, what do you get?
Throw in a cowboy and a policeman,
you got the Village People playin' poker.
No, Tim. What you get is the sum of their fears.
I don't understand.
What I'm saying, Tim, if these men had been able to admit their fears,
they would've realized there was no reason to be ashamed of them.
(screeching)
Whoo-hoo. That scared me.
Oh, boy, it scared me, too.
And I'm not ashamed to admit it...
although I do have to change my pants.
(whispers) Hey, son. Dad, hi.
I, uh, just came up here to get a glass of water, and, whew, tired me out.
I'm sorry I scared you.
I wasn't scared.
It's OK. You know Winston Churchill?
He's scared to death of the Village People.
I didn't know that.
When I was a kid, I got scared a lot. Ooh, boy.
Really? What were you scared of?
Mostly my grandma and grandpa's house.
The attic was cool, arched roofs,
and a tin ceiling that made noise in the rain. Big fans.
Fun in the daytime, but you couldn't force me up there at night. Oh, boy!
How come?
It was a real creepy place.
Grandpa didn't help. He told me there was a big blood-sucking bat up there.
And he wasn't talking about Grandma.
So, you fell for Grandpa's blood-sucking bat story, huh?
When he told me that, I wasn't scared at all.
But when he told it to me, he didn't have his teeth in.
So I guess you eventually got over your fear of attics?
Didn't have to. A tornado took the top of the house off... bats and all.
So I guess you're not afraid of attics anymore.
Nope. Terrified of tornadoes, but...
I was in such a hurry to get you down into your room in the basement,
I forgot to give you the checklist.
What checklist?
There's an important checklist
about weird stuff that happens in the basement.
Without that information, it can be a pretty creepy place.
What do you say we go over these items one by one?
That'd be great. How about we start with sounds?
Good one. All right, come on. Get your pillow.
Now, this sound is very common. (imitates sound)
Gas furnace, number one. Got it.
Number two. Tink-tink tonk-tonk-tonk-tonk...
Air in the pipes. Don't worry about that.
Great. This one - (gulping)
What basement sound is that?
That wouldn't be the basement. That would be coming from my room.
I was trying to digest your mom's meat loaf.
Don't worry about this one, either -
(creaking)
That's just the big blood-sucking bat
coming down to get you in the basement.
(snoring)
(loud thud)
All right. As you can see, we've already
framed our vent opening for the heat and air.
Now we're ready to attach the duct to the trunk line.
Trunk line?
Al, would that be like a bunch of elephants doing the conga?
Bah-bum-bum-bum-bum-bah! Bah-bum-bum-bum-bum-bah!
Bah-bum-bum-bum! (trumpets)
Look out, Dumbo! Watch out...
I don't think so, Tim.
Bah-bum-bum-bum-bum! Bah-bum-bum-bum-bum!
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