Sure is pretty.
Yeah. When it's done, it'll look something like that.
I'm gonna go a little more retro with mine.
Mr. Leonard, back in your shop class,
would you ever have imagined I could build something like that?
I was happy when you finally made an ashtray.
Did you really build a hot rod, or is that a lot of bunk?
No. You never saw my other one.
I got pictures of it. There you go.
Oh...
Gleam in my eye to a strapping '33 Roadster.
Yeah.
I miss that car. It was like a member of the family. I loved that thing.
Whatever happened to her? Sold it.
Glad I'm not a member of your family.
Sorry - Hey, Mr. Leonard.
How are ya? I didn't know you were in town. Visiting my daughter.
Aw, great. What are you doing here?
I hate my son-in-law.
As usual, Martin, you're an hour late.
Yeah, yeah. I was on the phone with Ma.
You know how she goes on and on.
She doesn't like talking on the phone. She likes talking to me.
She hated talking to me.
When he was in high school, every time I'd call her, I'd say, "Hello, Mrs. Taylor."
She'd say, "Oh, God, what's he done now?"
Timmy, come on, it's 2:00. You gonna feed me?
Soon as I finish the hot rod, I'll get you a sandwich.
Oh, come on. It took you three years to build the last hot rod.
I'm not gonna wait that long for liverwurst. I'll help myself.
All right, what are we doin'?
Finish the assembly on the rear end, put the shock on for me.
Can you believe Mom winning 500 bucks in Vegas?
Mom went to Vegas?
Yeah, she went with that travel group she's in.
Mom's in a travel group?
The one she went to Ireland with.
Oh, yeah. Mom went to Ireland?
Do you ever talk to Mom?
Yeah, we talk every Sunday.
We just don't waste time yakking about the small stuff.
Yeah. You only yak about the big stuff,
like what she had for dinner and the weather.
Roast beef, partly cloudy.
Guess that explains why I'm her favorite.
Oh, get out. I'm closer to Mom than you'll ever be.
Oh, yeah? I guess we'll ask her when she comes next week.
OK, Marty, we sure will. Mom's coming next week?
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When's your mother supposed to be here?
Any minute. I can't wait to see the old hunk of junk again.
Your mother?
Her car.
Last time I saw her, her rear end was sagging, she had no pick-up.
The car?
No, my mother.
(doorbell rings)
Speaking of which...
Guys, get in here. Grandma's here.
Hi. Hey. Hi.
It's so good to see you.
Hello, Lucille. Hi.
Oh, you look great. How was your trip?
Fast. I had the pedal on the metal all the way.
Like mother, like son.
Yeah, except I don't think
she sticks her head out the window yelling, "Yippee."
Grandma.
My boys, my boys.
OK, now listen. Enough of this kissy stuff.
I want you to take my bags and put 'em upstairs on the bed.
And here's a $10 tip.
I guess that's five for me and five for you.
What about me?
You get to carry the bags.
Hey, I want you to split this up evenly.
All right.
Wait a minute. About that money -
I want you to deal with it responsibly. Shut up, Tim.
I want you to use it for something completely ridiculous
or extremely bad for your teeth.
Mom, you never let us have junk food.
That's because I was the mother. Now I'm the grandmother.
This is the grand part.
That's why you're our favorite, Grandma.
That won't get ya any more money.
You're also the prettiest, Grandma.
That will get you another ten.
You're my favorite mother.
Aw, Tim, sorry. All out of cash.
Want something to drink? Club soda, please.
Oh. How's the golf game? Not so good.
I think I may have torn some cartilage in my knee.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, your knee's OK.
No, I'm serious, Tim.
I think you're trying to hustle me out of money next time we play golf.
Yeah, you're right, Tim.
I spent $500 on x-rays just so I can con you out of a dollar at golf.
Very clever, but it's not gonna work.
How's the house?
Big, empty, drafty.
How can it be drafty? I did the weather stripping myself.
Enough said.
It's not easy rattling around in that big house.
Gets kinda lonely.
Are you thinking about moving? No, she's not gonna move.
If you're lonely, we'll get you a dog.
Well, thanks, Tim.
Jill, would you like to see my pictures of Ireland?
Ooh, I'd love to.
If you don't want a dog, how about someone to talk to? A parrot.
(imitates parrot) "Hey, Lucille, you look good. How about 20 bucks? 20 bucks."
(doorbell rings)
I'll get it. Oh, thanks.
Mrs. Taylor.
Mr. Leonard. Oh, my God, what did Tim do now?
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
My gosh, you look great. You haven't changed a bit.
Well, you have. Your eyesight's slipping.
Hello, Mr. Leonard.
Hi, Jill. I came by to pick up that sweater I left here the other day.
I was wearing it so I'd remember to give it back to you.
I'm glad I didn't leave my underwear.
Oh, like they'd fit me.
Oh, your eyesight may be going, but you still have your sense of humor.
Would you like to stay for dinner?
Oh, I'd love to have a good home-cooked meal.
Me too. Where we gonna get it?
Mr. Leonard -
Please call me Art.
How about a beer, Art? Mr. Leonard.
I don't think I ever told you, Art, how much I appreciate
your putting Tim on the right track in high school.
Hey, you put him on the right path to life.
I could only take him so far. Jill took him the distance.
It was a group effort.
Hey, don't I get any credit for turning out so well?
No. Nah.
Jill, did you know that every time Tim got into trouble in high school,
Art took the time to make a personal call to me?
Oh, I had to call ya. I knew he wasn't giving the notes I sent home.
What notes?
They're - I-I-I was going to give them to you tomorrow.
I can't believe you have to lean way out over the edge of a castle
to kiss the Blarney stone. Weren't you scared?
Hey, after raising five boys by myself, nothing scares me.
Well, why do you kiss the Blarney stone, anyway?
So it'll follow you back to your apartment for a nightcap.
No, pea brain.
The Blarney stone gives you the gift of gab.
My parents took me there when I was but a wee lad,
and I haven't stopped talking since.
I like a man who can hold up his end of the conversation.
I like a woman who's not afraid to hang upside down from a castle.
Maybe you should date a bat.
All this talk about blarney is making me thirsty for an Irish coffee.
What do you say we head over to McCauliffe's and get one?
That's a great idea. Head to an Irish pub.
Who invited you?
I thought you did.
I guess I was a wee bit mistaken.
It sounds lovely, but, see, I just got here.
Oh, Lucille, go. Have a good time.
Oh, great.
Hey, Mom, it's late,
you're tired, you just got here.
We're doing Tool Time tomorrow. You're gonna wanna be peppy.
Peppy? Tim, I may be getting old,
but I think I've got enough pep to sit through Tool Time.
Don't be so sure.
Younger people than you haven't been able to make it all the way through.
Thanks for a wonderful dinner.
Yeah, Jill, thanks. Come on, peppy, let's go.
I can't believe you let her go.
Let her go?
She's a grown woman. She wanted to go.
She shows up, drops her suitcases off, heads out for a night on the town.
What is this, a hotel?
She did tip the boys.
She didn't even look at the hot rod.
Big deal. She'll see it tomorrow.
It's a big deal to me.
How would you feel if your mom came over for a visit,
and five minutes later, she took off? Like I'd won the lottery.
This is just like you.
We're trying to have a serious conversation, you make jokes.
Honey, if you're that upset about it,
why don't you wait till she gets home and talk to her? Tell her how you feel.
I don't like talking about my feelings.
You do it with me all the time.
That's 'cause you make me.
(door closes)
Hi, Mom.
Tim, what are you doing up?
Uh, waiting for Mark.
Often times, he stumbles in at 3am, too.
You were waiting for me, weren't you?
No. I was working on the hot rod.
What were you doing out so late?
When you used to go out late, what were you doing?
Well, I... Let's not go...
Let's not go there.
Art and I closed down the bar. He's so easy to talk to.
Do you know it has been ages
since I've spent time alone with a man?
Whew, let's not go there, either.
Fine. I think I'll head up to bed.
Do you mind if I go there?
As long as you're up, you wanna see the hot rod?
It's three in the morning. Can't it wait till tomorrow?
Sure.
Could've seen it earlier
if you hadn't darted right out after dinner.
What is that supposed to mean? Nothing.
Sorry. It's just that I haven't seen you in a while.
I thought you could stay here, and we could talk or something.
You wanna talk?
What's wrong with that?
I tried to talk to you earlier, and you didn't seem very interested.
I was interested.
You didn't act that way.
I told you I had a problem with my knee, and you made a big joke about it.
Then I told you I was lonely in the house,
and you started to imitate a parrot.
You used to like my imitations. Remember that monkey?
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
You're doing it again, Tim.
What am I doing again?
When I try to tell you what's really going on with me,
you don't wanna listen to me. I wanna listen to you.
You do the same thing every Sunday.
I call, I try to have a real conversation with you,
and all you ever ask me is, "How's the Buick?"
We talk about other stuff.
Are you having a problem with the Buick?
Tim, there's a sign over your head
that says, "Not getting it."
Good night.
OK, boys, let's go.
Where we going?
I'm taking us to our annual ice-cream breakfast
at Leo's Sugar Shack.
All right.
And what restaurant are we going to tell your parents we went to?
The Healthy Vegetable.
Very good.
And, Mark, if anybody asks, you had?
Wheat-germ omelet.
Excellent.
Brad?
I had bean turd.
That's bean curd.
Oh. They taste the same.
Randy, what did you have?
I had an alfalfa shake, and then I threw up.
Nice touch.
Where you guys going for breakfast?
Um, The Healthy Vegetable.
Can we bring you something?
Um, a pint of mint chocolate chip.
You got it.
Hi, hon.
Don't start with me. What?
It was your idea to have a conversation with my mom. It was a disaster.
She says I'm incapable of having a real
conversation. Can you believe she said that?
Yeah-huh.
What you mean, yeah-huh?
Every time she calls, all you do
is ask her about the car and hand me the phone.
That's a real conversation. Yeah, real lame one.
My mother has nothing to complain about.
I do more for her than all the rest of my brothers combined.
I fix her car. I drove 300 miles to put her storm windows in.
I know. I think she just wants to connect on a more emotional level.
People share their emotions in different ways.
Some people talk about their feelings with their mother,
and some people Scotchgard her sofa.
Well, Scotchgarding is a powerful way to show intimacy.
You gotta admit there's something different with her.
She never used to dredge up old feelings. She kept them inside where they belong.
No, that's where ulcers belong.
Look, I agree with you. I think she has changed.
Evidently she wants to share some real moments with you.
Why? Because that's how you feel close to people.
That's ridiculous.
I've had plenty of close relationships with people
that I've never shared a real moment with.
Hey, Tim.
Hi, Al.
Boy, it was awfully nice of you to invite me down for coffee.
You haven't done that in a long time. Or ever.
I thought it'd give us a good chance to talk.
Oh, yeah? About what? Mothers.
Oh, no. No. Oh, boy, I should've seen this one coming.
You invited me down here to make fun of my mother. No.
OK, well, what's it gonna be today? More fat jokes?
You've already done all those. How about her perspiration problem?
Or maybe the way her jowls sway.
Or how about the way the skin under her arms wobble?
Al, there's people eating food in here.
Sit down.
I wanna talk about my mother.
Does she wobble? No.
Look, no one knows more about mothers than you do,
and I wanna bounce something off you.
Well, sure, bounce away.
OK. Last night, my mom got kind of mad at me,
and she says we don't communicate
because I talk on a superficial level?
Oh, I can totally relate.
So you know what I'm going through? I can relate to your mother.
Tim, the only real conversation we ever have
is when I say something real, and you tell me to shut up.
Shut up.
Tim, Al.
Wilson...
I'm really sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear
what you were saying.
I didn't know you knew about this place.
I often come here when The Healthy Vegetable is closed.
You know, I love their bean curd.
Oh, yeah. Boy, it's to die for.
Or to die from. I've had one of those things.
So I really don't mean to intrude,
but I thought I might be able to offer my perspective on what you were talking about.
Al's mom's arm wobble?
Oh, no, no, Tim.
I'm talking about the problem that you're having with your mother.
You know, when you finish talking about Tim's mother,
I'd like to talk to you about my relationship with my mother.
I'm sorry, Al, but I don't think I have that kind of time today.
Order me something, and I don't want the bean turd.
What do you think?
Tim, I think that you may already know the answer.
I already have the answer?
Yes. I'm reminded of something you told me a couple of years ago
about your father.
What does my father have to do with this?
You remember telling me that the great regret for your life
is that you never got to know him very well?
He died when I was 11. I didn't have the chance to know him.
Your mom's still alive.
You wanna ruin that chance with her?
Hi, Mom. Hi, Tim.
Bring the boys with you?
Oh, no, the boys.
How many of them were there?
Mom...
I left them at the mall.
Can we talk about last night?
Oh, it's OK, Tim. I'm sorry we got into it.
I know we both love each other, and that's enough for me.
Well, what if it's not enough for me?
I really think we should talk about this.
I don't want you to have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable.
I understand that.
Look, Mom, I'm really sorry I cut you off when you're trying to talk to me,
but I'm just not used to you coming to me with stuff like this.
I'm not used to having to go to anybody
with stuff like this.
It's just that, of all my boys,
I was hoping you were the one that I could open up to.
Why me?
You've always been the strong one in the family.
I have?
Oh, come on, Mom. You're the strong one.
I still can't believe how strong you were when Dad died.
Oh, I had no choice.
I had a house full of boys without a father.
I just did what I had to do.
Sometimes I don't know how I got up in the morning.
I was so empty.
And I felt so bad
that I couldn't give you boys the kind of attention
that I knew you needed.
Mom... Especially you, Tim.
What do you mean, especially me?
You took it the hardest when Dad died.
You kept everything bottled up inside.
Maybe that's why you can't talk about anything serious
without making a joke.
Oh, I've gotten over that now. Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
I just wish I could've done a better job
of helping you through those times.
You did a great job. Oh, I don't know.
If it hadn't been for you, I would've never gotten through it.
Oh... thanks, Tim.
Mom... you know what?
I want you to talk to me about stuff.
I don't wanna miss knowing you the way I missed knowing Dad.
I don't want that, either.
Boy, it kills me that I didn't get to know him.
You know, you two would've gotten such a kick out of each other.
When I watch you working on that hot rod,
I keep thinking, "There's something Dad would've loved doing with him."
You think we would've gotten along? Like a nut and a bolt.
Ha-ha.
And I think we know who the nut is.
Oh, Tim, I love you.
I love you.
Enough of this kissy stuff.
Shouldn't we be heading down to Tool Time?
Oh... yeah. Gotta write some new stuff.
I'm gonna lay off the jokes about Al's mom for a while.
Oh, darn. I love those.
Let me ask you one thing that has been bugging me. Sure.
Is Marty your favorite?
Yes.
It's gonna be a lot of work to sell the house and move,
but I'm really glad I finally made the decision to do it.
It's gonna be nice for all of us to have you close by.
Do you know what I dread most about moving?
Leaving your memories behind?
No. Leaving Hector the Handyman behind.
Whenever Tim pulls out of my driveway after fixing something,
I speed dial Hector.
Believe me, I understand and don't tell Tim
that I gave you this number.
This is Joe the Handyman.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, boy. Wife and mother in the same room.
Can't be good for me.
Your mother was saying how nice it's gonna be when she's living close by.
Yeah. I'm nearby. I can stop by and fix things any time you want.
Gee, thanks, Tim.
I can't tell you what a feeling of security that gives me.
Now I can buy a house and not worry about a thing.
Really? You gave her Joe's number, didn't you?
Yep.
Good, 'cause he's a lot better than Hector.
My mom has nothing to complain about.
I do more for her than all of my brothers combined.
I drive up there and fix her car. 300 miles to put in her storm windows.
I think she wants to connect with you on a more emotional level.
Emotional-shomotional. Come on. Ha-ha-ha.
Emotional-shomotional.
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