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Welcome back to Tool Time
and our week-long salute...
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00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:07,906
(♪ bugle plays reveille)
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00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:11,021
to the military.
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A subject near and dear to
my heart. Tell them about it.
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Well, I was a Navy C.B.
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That, of course, stands for
Construction Battalion. That's right.
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We are always the first ones in laying
the groundwork for the other forces.
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We're the ones building
the bridges. Klaus!
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We're building the
roads, the landing strips...
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(♪ theme music)
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We're...
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Today we're talking about
tools the military uses. OK?
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Now, I needed a little
help on today's show.
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An old high-school buddy of
mine, Billy McDougal, will be here.
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We used to call him "Moon
Pie Face." But no longer.
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Now it's Lieutenant
Colonel William McDougal
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of the United
States Marine Corps.
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Let's bring him out here with a big
round of applause. Come on out here, Billy.
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Moon Pie, Moon Pie, Moon Pie.
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It's amazing, you know?
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I guess they wanted a few
good men and one big wuss.
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Tim, if I remember correctly,
you were such a wimp,
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even the Cub Scouts
wouldn't take you.
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Yeah. But the Girl
Scouts loved me.
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We used to play war
all the time as kids.
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What's it like playing
war and getting paid for it?
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Timmy, I'm not playing war anymore.
I'm a tank battalion commander.
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And today I've brought along a lot of
the tools we use to work on the tanks.
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Well, let's bring
'em on out here.
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Heidi, the tools for
the tanks, please.
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Here you go, Tim.
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Thank you, Heidi.
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All right, let's start with the
tool that we call "The Dog Bone."
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Let me see that.
Hold onto that, Timmy.
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Now, we use that as a
jack to lift road wheels.
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Next, we've got a tool
that we call "The Little Joe."
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Little Joe. It looks
more like Hoss to me.
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It's definitely no Hop
Sing, I'll tell you that.
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Well, let's cut to the chase.
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Is there any way you could
swing it so I could drive a tank?
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Well, Tim, if you ever came out
to California, where I'm stationed,
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I'm sure we could
arrange something.
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All right! Excuse me, Colonel,
but letting Tim drive a tank,
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well... that's jeopardizing
national security.
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Let it go, Al, please? Al, you've
got nothing to worry about.
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We've got 10,000 Marines on
the base to keep their eyes on Tim.
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All right! It's not enough.
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Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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Jill! Yeah, out here!
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What a great show today. We
did our salute to the military, right?
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I got invited out to California
to a military base to drive a tank.
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Wow, that's so great!
When do we go?
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00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,727
We?
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00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:54,899
Is that "we" like in "we,"
or "we" like in "whee!"?
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You're not planning
on going without me?
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00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,716
Well, I... no.
57
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,052
I thought I'd make reservations
at that spa in Palm Springs.
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00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,554
Yes! You'll be at that
hotel soaking in mud,
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00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:08,413
and I'll be at the
base driving through it.
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00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,963
Tim, I'm the army brat.
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00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:16,465
It'd be fun for me to
go to a military base.
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00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:19,402
Driving a tank is not about fun.
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00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,604
What is it about?
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00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,940
It's about grown men
driving heavy equipment
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00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:27,498
while other grown men hide in
bushes and act like bad guys.
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00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,748
I do not want to
hang around the hotel
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00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,884
while you get to go off
and do all the cool stuff.
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00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,519
Oh, cool stuff? Yes.
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00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,955
In the desert, it's hot.
You know how you are.
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00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,190
(mocking Jill) "It's so hot.
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00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,827
My hair is so sandy
and my skin's so dry,
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it's like a pair of alligator
shoes. Look at this. It's cracking."
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00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:51,634
Tim, that is not
me - that's you.
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00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:55,104
Now, why can't I go to the
base? What's the purpose of it?
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00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,339
You know the military doesn't
allow women to drive tanks.
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00:04:57,363 --> 00:04:59,642
You'd just be standing
around, bored. I would not.
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00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,644
I would be standing around
trying to convince them
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00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,147
that women are perfectly
capable of driving tanks.
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Well, there's a good time.
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00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,820
Oh, come on! How
many times do we find
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00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,256
something that we're
both interested in?
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00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:17,427
Never. And I don't want to
screw up a winning formula.
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00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,663
Come on! We'll have
the boys stay with Al.
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00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:23,266
What do you say?
What do you say?
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Four words that
seem to rule my life -
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"Anything you want, Jill."
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(knocking)
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Ah, just a minute... OK.
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00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:47,579
(Tim) Al, quit fluffing
the pillows and let us in.
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00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,796
Hey, all right! Come
on in! How are ya?
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00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,598
Hey, watch the hair! OK.
92
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,934
Thank you so much for taking
care of them this weekend.
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00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,669
Oh, please. Yeah. Yeah.
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00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,707
It really works out for
us that you have no life.
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00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,374
I have a life.
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00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:08,345
It just happens that Ilene is
away at an orthodontic retreat.
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00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:11,547
Besides, I love hanging
out with these guys.
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00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:13,616
Oh, I'm gonna miss
you boys so much.
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00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,885
You guys have a good time,
OK? Listen to Al, all right?
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00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:19,054
That's right. We'll have a wild,
carefree weekend! Anything goes!
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All right! Oh,
but not there. No.
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OK. Al, here's the
number of the hotel.
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If you can't page us in the
room, then page us at the pool.
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OK. If you can't page us at
the pool, page at the base.
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I wrote this number
down here, too.
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Now, don't forget there's a
three-hour time difference.
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If it's 4:00 here,
it's 1:00 there.
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Right. If it's 6:00
here, it's 3:00 there.
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Honey, if you
keep talking to him,
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we'll still be here
before we even get there.
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00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,614
Here, here. OK. Thank
you so much. Bye.
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Have a good time.
Bye, kids. Be good.
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00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,686
Well, OK. Bye.
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00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:54,457
Well, are you ready for a
carefree, wild weekend?
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00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:57,193
Yeah. What are we gonna
do? Well, I thought we would...
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00:06:57,217 --> 00:07:00,118
Don't touch that. Your
dad already broke it.
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00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:07,237
You know, I thought maybe we'd
start off with a rousing game of...
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00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:10,006
Parcheesi. Huh?
119
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,443
Winner gets a fat-free fig bar.
120
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:17,013
What a treat for
three fig lovers like us!
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00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,916
Oh, not to worry. I got
a consolation prize -
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00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,740
low-sodium rice cakes.
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00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,757
This is great. Mom and
Dad get to go to California,
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00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,661
and we get figs and rice.
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00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:34,230
OK, I see what it is.
126
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:37,066
You guys are feeling
a little left out. Huh?
127
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:40,169
Yeah, well, I know what
it feels like to be left out.
128
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,838
When I was your
age, my folks left me
129
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:46,564
when they went off
to the Amish country.
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00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,436
I remained bitter for years.
131
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,440
Well, you got over it, right?
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00:07:57,878 --> 00:08:00,178
Rather not talk about it.
133
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,196
There are four fuel
tanks on the M1 A1
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00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:11,234
that hold a total
of 504 gallons.
135
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,970
Whoo! I hope you
have self-serve.
136
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:17,006
What does this thing
weigh? I'm guessing 65 tons.
137
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:19,442
No, no, no. It's gotta be
more like a hundred tons.
138
00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:22,445
Actually, the curb
weight is 67.7 tons.
139
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,580
Very impressive, Jill.
140
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:27,650
She grew up on a military
base. I always loved tanks.
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00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:28,985
Hey, wait a minute!
142
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,354
What does one of these
things cost... out the door?
143
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:35,391
4.3 million. A little more
if you want the CD player.
144
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:38,228
Wow! Well, what
kind of engine's in it?
145
00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:40,429
1500-horsepower gas turbine.
146
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,132
Wow! The old M48 had what? 750?
147
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,468
This tank also has
battlefield override,
148
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:49,372
a 120-millimeter smooth bore,
and enhanced shift tie-downs.
149
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,007
You know, to
make it look better...
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00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,109
chrome wheels and
a custom paint job.
151
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,777
I'll mention that
to the Pentagon.
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00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:57,947
Jill, you really know your
tanks. Oh, I always loved tanks.
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00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,449
When I was a child, I used
to dream of driving one.
154
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,618
Of course, I knew that
I would never get to
155
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,588
since I'm just a lowly,
inept, helpless female.
156
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:08,558
And it starts.
157
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,794
You know, many people
think that policy is outdated.
158
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:13,862
Good.
159
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:17,000
Uh, Tim, you might want to stay
away from the tank commander's post.
160
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,369
There are buttons there
that can get you into trouble.
161
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:22,304
Oh, I love buttons.
162
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,073
Oh, man, what I wouldn't give
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00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,843
to get behind the T-bar
of one of these hogs.
164
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:30,813
Well, Jill, even though women aren't
allowed to operate these in combat,
165
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:33,315
we could arrange
a test drive for you.
166
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,285
No! You're kidding me! You're
gonna let me drive a tank?
167
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,922
Tim, he is gonna
let me drive a tank!
168
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:41,290
I don't think that's
such a good idea.
169
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,726
She has the facts, but
hands-on experience -
170
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,117
that's something else.
171
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:00,976
Everybody OK?
172
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,435
I was just showing her
how to use the machine gun.
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00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:13,989
(Billy) These are the
tanks you'll be driving.
174
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:17,660
Now, remember, Timmy, this isn't the
old Chevy Nova you had in high school.
175
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:19,094
(Tim) Of course
not. That bit the dust
176
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:22,398
when the tree ran
into me, remember?
177
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:25,234
We've set up a little obstacle
course for the two of you.
178
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:28,637
You got a real one for me
and, like, a little baby one for Jill?
179
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:31,841
We'll see who's crying for
his mommy when this is over.
180
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:33,443
Yeah, we will. Yeah.
181
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:36,144
Now, remember the objective is
to maneuver through the course
182
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:38,113
without knocking over pylons.
183
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,183
So, let's pile on!
184
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,620
And remember, honey, this isn't
like driving around the mall parking lot.
185
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,822
Yeah. It's not like that
Tool Time set either.
186
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,057
If you have any questions,
just ask your tank commander.
187
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:50,526
You'll be communicating
with your radio mike.
188
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,862
I got it. Got it.
189
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,231
And good luck out there.
190
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:58,089
Fire in the hole.
191
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:03,127
Eat my dust, sucker.
192
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,852
(Jill laughs)
193
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:19,756
(Jill) Whoa, I love this! (man)
Easy on the throttle, Mr. Taylor.
194
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:23,647
Will you relax? I know
what I'm doing here.
195
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,598
Wait a minute.
OK, yeah, all right!
196
00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:31,768
(man) Watch out, Mrs. Taylor. Looks
like our husband is losing control.
197
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:34,137
Tim? What is he doing?
198
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:37,039
(man) Mr. Taylor,
watch out for the pylons.
199
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,664
(Tim) Oh, hey! Wait a
minute. Yeah, OK, OK.
200
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:45,248
(man) Look out, Mrs.
Taylor. He's cutting you off.
201
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:47,472
It's a traffic lane here, Jill!
202
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,855
(man) Mr. Taylor,
look out for that sign.
203
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,858
What sign?
204
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,660
Oh, that sign.
205
00:11:57,684 --> 00:12:00,596
(man) Mrs. Taylor, is your
husband out of his mind?
206
00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:03,187
(Jill) Yes, sir, Corporal, sir.
207
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:13,698
Oh, incoming! Incoming!
208
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:24,341
OK. Just playing through!
209
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,931
Bill, what are the chances
of me driving that tank again?
210
00:12:35,955 --> 00:12:39,857
Oh, about the same as
Tool Time winning an Emmy.
211
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,641
You know, that little tank accident
could've happened to anyone.
212
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:49,478
Tim, it's never happened
in the history of the Marines.
213
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,615
Well, the important thing
is is that nobody got hurt.
214
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:55,251
And we know our
country would win
215
00:12:55,275 --> 00:13:00,022
if we're ever invaded
by enemy golf carts.
216
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:02,391
Tim, not only is she a
better tank driver than you,
217
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,526
she's also funnier.
218
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:08,498
Yeah. I just can't
stop laughing, Bill. No.
219
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:11,366
Mmm, chipped beef on toast.
220
00:13:11,390 --> 00:13:13,758
I haven't had this
since I was 11 years old.
221
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:19,108
Ew! You're probably
still digesting it.
222
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,976
Colonel, I can't
thank you enough.
223
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,545
You fulfilled a childhood
dream for me today.
224
00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:25,380
It was a pleasure
watching you in action.
225
00:13:25,404 --> 00:13:27,550
Looked like you've been
driving a tank all your life.
226
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:30,853
Oh, it was such a cool feeling. You
know, when I started, I was so scared.
227
00:13:30,877 --> 00:13:33,289
And then I got comfortable,
and it was so much fun.
228
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,891
When you grabbed that
T-bar, you just let her rip...
229
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:38,194
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
230
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:42,798
You know, how do they
get the tea this color? Boy.
231
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:46,001
Hey, Steve, have a seat! I'd like
you to meet my old buddy, Tim Taylor.
232
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:48,871
Good to meet you, sir.
And his lovely wife, Jill.
233
00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:52,441
Hi, it's nice to meet you. You must be
that woman the whole base is talking about.
234
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:56,278
Boy, that was some tank
driving! Well, thank you very much.
235
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,614
You know, my husband
got to drive a tank, too.
236
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:03,118
Yeah. The whole base
is talking about that, too.
237
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:06,889
Yeah, you sure beat the
pants off old Timmy here.
238
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,192
Well, it wasn't a race.
Yeah, you're right.
239
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,660
Now, come on, give him a break.
He's probably just one of those guys
240
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:15,364
that doesn't know a
whole lot about machines.
241
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,900
What do you do
for a living, sir?
242
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,790
I own a little dress shop.
243
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,874
No, he doesn't. He's
got his own tool show.
244
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,310
No. And it's a great show.
245
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:29,545
I mean, he may have had a
little trouble with those obstacles,
246
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:33,149
but it wasn't an easy course. Jill,
you don't have to defend me, OK?
247
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:34,650
Not defending. I'm
just stating the facts.
248
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,752
You didn't have
trouble with the course.
249
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:39,521
Well, OK. I did a
little better than you.
250
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:41,457
So, big deal. Who cares?
251
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:46,629
I care, little "Miss The Whole
Base Is Talking About You."
252
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:49,565
I can't believe you're being such
a baby. Oh, me? I'm the baby?
253
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:52,034
So, whose turn is it to
lower the flag this week?
254
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:54,470
I don't know. Maybe we
both ought to do it, huh?
255
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,238
You don't have to
go, guys. Come on.
256
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,896
Sorry, Tim. It's not our war.
257
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:06,882
Congratulations. You just did
something most countries can't do -
258
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,919
you got the Marines to retreat.
259
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,355
They didn't leave because of me.
They left because you got angry.
260
00:15:12,379 --> 00:15:16,292
Well, excuse me! Not only did
you beat me on the obstacle course,
261
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,294
you defend me like
I'm a five-year-old.
262
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,462
Well, you're acting
like a five-year-old.
263
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,999
You're upset because
I drove the tank well.
264
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:26,958
No. I'm upset because you driving
it well made me look like an idiot!
265
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:33,063
Well, even if I hadn't been there,
you still would've driven like an idiot.
266
00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:43,486
Well, that was a pretty
quick game of Scrabble.
267
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,254
Now we're ready for
Chinese Checkers.
268
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,255
Oh, sorry, Al. Mom
says we're not allowed
269
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:51,015
to be playing Chinese Checkers
before bed. Makes us too hyper.
270
00:15:53,452 --> 00:15:56,698
All right. Well, if conventional
games don't tickle your fancy,
271
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:59,823
I have a board game
that you have never seen.
272
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,572
I invented this myself.
273
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:08,198
It is the prototype for what
could become a national craze.
274
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,915
(Mark) "The Tool Time
Game"? Awesome!
275
00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:16,106
(♪ theme music)
276
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:20,990
How do you play?
277
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:24,760
Well, you have your
choice of figures.
278
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,897
You can be Heidi.
279
00:16:27,921 --> 00:16:30,432
You can be Al.
280
00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:33,591
And you can be
Tim in a body cast.
281
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:38,107
All right, I got Heidi. Al.
282
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,677
Aw, man!
283
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:44,747
Now, the object of the
game is to finish your project
284
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:48,217
without having to
call an ambulance.
285
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:51,320
All right? Now, you can learn as you go
along. Mark, why don't you start us off?
286
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,489
OK. Start.
287
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,059
Two.
288
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:59,428
"Tim makes bad
joke about Al's mom.
289
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:02,552
Audience boos. Lose a turn."
290
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:08,125
Mother loves that card.
291
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,463
All right, it's my
turn. That's right.
292
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,467
Ooh, four.
293
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,717
"Al's away at
National Bingo Finals.
294
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,675
Tim hosts show alone
and ratings drop."
295
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,823
All right. My turn.
296
00:17:28,847 --> 00:17:33,028
All right, here
we go. Six, OK...
297
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,932
Five, six. All right.
Pick up a card.
298
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:39,801
"Tim installs faulty wiring.
299
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:43,460
You're accidentally
electrocuted."
300
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,934
(siren)
301
00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:59,309
You lose.
302
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,459
Hey, Wilson. Well,
hi-ho, neighbor.
303
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:08,030
When did you get back from
California? Just a few minutes ago.
304
00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:09,865
Mm, smells like ribs.
305
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:13,924
Well, actually, I'm
barbecuing some bulbs.
306
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:20,709
Fluorescent or three-way?
307
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:22,711
No, Tim. These are lily bulbs.
308
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:27,082
These are a dietary staple of
the Native Americans of Montana.
309
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,117
So, how was your
tank-driving expedition?
310
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:32,555
A real kick in the lily bulbs.
311
00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,923
What do you mean?
312
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:38,626
Well, Jill and I both got
to drive tanks. Right?
313
00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:42,030
And she has to act like a big
shot by not driving through a sign,
314
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:46,869
or shooting off a machine gun,
or crushing a couple of golf carts.
315
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:50,106
Mm-mm-mm, she
is such a show-off.
316
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,674
I didn't even want
her going with me.
317
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:55,511
Well, traditionally, driving
tanks is a man's domain.
318
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,880
(grunting) Yeah, man's
domain. Oh, yeah.
319
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,682
And to the best of my knowledge,
320
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:02,884
women in the service aren't
even allowed to drive tanks.
321
00:19:02,908 --> 00:19:06,588
Yeah, no women drivers. Oh, no.
322
00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,424
Which makes it all
the more incredible
323
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:10,492
that Jill was able to
accomplish what she did.
324
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:14,430
Yeah, that's all
the more... huh?
325
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:18,467
Well, you did compliment her
on her tank-driving expertise?
326
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,602
How can you take her side?
327
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,838
By her tagging along,
she ruined my day.
328
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,839
Well, maybe you ruined her day
329
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:27,542
by not acknowledging
her accomplishment.
330
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:31,435
Well, maybe you ruined
my day by pointing that out.
331
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:37,586
Thanks, Al! (boys)
Thank you, Al! 'Night. Bye.
332
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:40,155
So how was it? How was
the weekend? Oh, the best.
333
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,490
Al let us stay up and
watch monster movies.
334
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,927
And he made us popcorn
just dripping with butter.
335
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:47,462
Oh, ho, ho, ho...
336
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:50,632
Yeah. He even separated
the unpopped kernels for us.
337
00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:55,025
Well, I guess I'm never
gonna be half the mother Al is.
338
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,274
Hey, boys.
339
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,475
Hey, Dad? How come
you didn't marry Al?
340
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,478
Yeah.
341
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:06,382
Well, to be honest with
you, I thought about it.
342
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:10,085
But I just couldn't handle the thought
of him giving birth to my children.
343
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:13,556
Little babies with beards
and flannel diapers. Ick!
344
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,424
So, when you were driving
the tank, how did it go?
345
00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:19,862
Ooh, the tank stuff!
Wait till I tell you...
346
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,330
We should talk about
your mom's experience first.
347
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:25,534
Great. We talked about it at the
base. We talked about it on the plane.
348
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,736
They let her drive one, too.
349
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:31,106
And she was awesome.
(Randy) You're kidding.
350
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:32,575
No. That's awesome!
351
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,209
It is great. She
drove it like a pro.
352
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,379
First woman to drive a tank. You
should be real proud of her. It was great.
353
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:42,250
As a matter of fact, the first four million
I'm getting, I'm buying a tank for her.
354
00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:45,888
Never worry about finding
a parking place in her life.
355
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,824
Cool. All right. So, did
you guys shoot the little...
356
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:50,826
(overlapping)
357
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,861
Wait, wait, wait! You
guys put your stuff away.
358
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,563
We'll talk about this
at dinner, all right?
359
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,821
Hustle up. Hustle up. No.
360
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,171
That was really nice. Thank you.
361
00:21:02,195 --> 00:21:05,274
Well, it would've been a lot
nicer if I had said it earlier.
362
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:08,243
I got thrown for a loop at
the base when I found out
363
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:12,180
I was married to
General George Patton...
364
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:15,484
and I was (imitating
Gomer Pyle) Gomer Pyle.
365
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:19,287
Shazam! Shazam! Shazam!
366
00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:22,412
Well, golly, Sergeant Carter!
367
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:27,762
Across the desert was great.
368
00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:30,098
So, Dad, how did you
do at the Marine base?
369
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:33,402
Yeah, Dad. You told us about Mom,
but you never told us about how you did.
370
00:21:33,426 --> 00:21:35,103
Well, let's put it this way -
371
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:39,463
the Marines said no one's ever
driven a tank like your old man.
372
00:21:41,067 --> 00:21:44,413
You were that good,
huh? I don't want to brag.
373
00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:47,082
You know, but I was
in my element, guys.
374
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:51,987
Machines, Marines, latrines
and lots and lots of beans.
375
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:54,156
1500 horsepower
sitting behind me.
376
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:58,493
I'm the master of that
thing. Oh! Ho-ho-ho-ho!
377
00:21:58,517 --> 00:22:00,896
My only regret? You
guys weren't there to see it.
378
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,264
Well, actually, Dad,
you know, we can see it.
379
00:22:03,288 --> 00:22:05,789
The Marines made a tape for Mom.
380
00:22:08,427 --> 00:22:10,405
You can't look at that.
That's top-secret stuff.
381
00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:12,240
Oh, yeah? Really?
382
00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:14,331
Give it back.
382
00:22:15,305 --> 00:23:15,774
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