1
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:07,539
Oh, man. All right.
Thank you, Heidi.
2
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,319
Thank you. I think it's done.
3
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,576
Well!
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,146
I guess that finishes
up our cooking portion
5
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:16,368
of our salute to a
man's Thanksgiving.
6
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,151
A point to ponder when you
baste the turkey in cognac,
7
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,587
you want to keep the bird
away from the open flame.
8
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:28,460
- Otherwise your Butterball
will become a fireball.
- Pretty obvious, isn't it?
9
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:33,798
Now it's time to look at some of the
things we men should be thankful for.
10
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:37,602
And this, of course, would
be number one: women.
11
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:40,972
Our mothers, our co-workers,
our family members, our sisters.
12
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,053
They deserve a
lot of appreciation.
13
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,921
- Wow. Thank you, Tim.
- You're welcome.
14
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,646
Now, get lost. It's
a man's segment.
15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:53,418
OK, Al. Well, you're sort of a
man. What are you thankful for?
16
00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:59,023
Well, Tim, I'm thankful for
the tool I carry with me always.
17
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,761
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, Al! It's a family show!
18
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:05,731
I'm talking about
my Swiss Army knife.
19
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,199
I would feel naked without it.
20
00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:09,968
Ew.
21
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:14,172
I'm talking about the gizmos
and gadgets and thingamajigs
22
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:17,309
- that make a man's
life worthwhile.
- I hear you, brother.
23
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:21,112
How many times have you found
yourself at the beach or a tailgate party
24
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:23,816
and you're longing for a
zesty blended beverage?
25
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:26,785
Not a problem anymore with
this model of American ingenuity.
26
00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:30,088
- All it takes is one rip...
- [starting motor]
27
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,765
This next gadget's on the
top of my list of favorites.
28
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:44,870
You may be thinking I'm wearing
usual coveralls, but you're wrong.
29
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:49,674
I'm sporting the practical
and very fashionable vacu-suit.
30
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,276
[♪ upbeat jazz playing]
31
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:54,212
That's right, from the
Binford winter collection.
32
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:58,049
You've got to say "très chic"
when you look at Al right now.
33
00:01:58,151 --> 00:02:01,386
The point of this is, why lug
around a heavy vacuum cleaner?
34
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:05,090
- We can add the vacuum
to the man.
- That's Right.
35
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,392
- Just add a hose to Al...
- Mm-hmm.
36
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,761
Not there, Tim!
37
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,531
He's got a built-in
compressor and motor.
38
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:16,120
Flip him on and watch Al suck.
39
00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:22,440
Uh, Tim... Tim, I think
we have a problem!
40
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:24,742
Turn it off! Turn it off, Tim!
41
00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:26,278
Turn it off, Tim!
42
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,213
Ah!
43
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:33,952
Tim!
44
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:41,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
45
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,540
Wilson, I thought
that you and Willow
46
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:31,909
were going to Ann
Arbor for Thanksgiving.
47
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:33,989
We're gonna leave
as soon as I finish
48
00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:38,550
- making my feng shui
home protection tool.
- How does that work?
49
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:42,787
Well, Jill, the horizontal flute is
the guardian of hopes and desires.
50
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:47,091
And the two angled flutes radiate peace
throughout the house and the universe.
51
00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:51,129
- What do the red tassels do?
- They scare away squirrels.
52
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,166
What are the holiday plans
for the Taylors this year?
53
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,935
Well, my mom is gonna
be with my sister in Texas.
54
00:03:57,037 --> 00:04:01,005
Tim's mom is gonna be with his
brother, Jeff, so it's just the five of us.
55
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:04,342
I thought maybe I'd get up early
and try out some new recipes.
56
00:04:04,444 --> 00:04:06,945
- Why new recipes?
- Everybody hates my cooking,
57
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:11,283
so I thought I might as well
make it interesting for me.
58
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:15,253
- Oh, hi. How's it going, Jill?
- Hey, Willow.
59
00:04:15,355 --> 00:04:17,422
Oh, that's a great
looking turkey.
60
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,558
Actually, it's 100
percent soybean.
61
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:23,061
It's called a "soy-key".
62
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,510
I am so looking
forward to Thanksgiving.
63
00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:31,469
It's the first time in years that the
whole Wilson clan has all been together.
64
00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:33,972
- Uncle Wilbur.
- Aunt Willemina.
65
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,641
- Cousin Wilford.
- Uncle Willard.
66
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,311
- Grandma Wilma.
- And Bob.
67
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,279
- Bob?
- He's the black sheep.
68
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:44,115
Ah. Well, every family
has to have a troublemaker.
69
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:48,653
No, no, no. Bob is a very nice sheep.
He just gets cranky at shearing time.
70
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,724
Hey, Bradley. I got great news.
71
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:56,127
You pumped so much air into
Al, he's bigger than his mom.
72
00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:00,165
No, that would be
quite impossible.
73
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:03,668
Get this. Clay Ford, the owner of
the Lions, is a big Tool Time fan.
74
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:07,238
He's offered us the use of a luxury
box for the Thanksgiving game.
75
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,385
Our own private
box? That is so cool.
76
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:11,476
Yeah, there's just
one annoying detail.
77
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,978
- [door opening]
- And there she is.
78
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:16,959
- Hi.
- Hi.
79
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,150
What do you think
about a soy turkey?
80
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,752
Hey, I'm up for anything.
81
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:24,589
You know what I believe, that no
matter what you eat or where you eat it,
82
00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:28,160
Thanksgiving is great as
long as we're all together.
83
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,665
We are not gonna spend
Thanksgiving at a car show.
84
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,634
Don't be ridiculous.
Now, listen.
85
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:38,970
We've been offered a
luxury box at the Silverdome.
86
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,874
We can enjoy an incredible Thanksgiving
dinner in the privacy of our own room.
87
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:46,911
You're saying you'd rather
spend the day in a football stadium
88
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:50,448
being served Thanksgiving
meal by total strangers?
89
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:53,017
- Yes.
- Hot damn! I'm sleeping in.
90
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:54,986
All right.
91
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,392
Check out the view.
92
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:04,930
Wow. This is really beautiful.
93
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:09,000
- Yeah, if you like
disgusting opulence.
- And I do.
94
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:13,305
I don't believe it. There
is a TV in the bathroom.
95
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,907
So you won't miss a
minute of the excitement.
96
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,875
Or in your case, 45 minutes.
97
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:23,148
Hello, Taylor family.
Welcome to box 12.
98
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:33,324
I'm Ted, your personal
Silverdome liaison and I've got hats.
99
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:36,360
Oh, thank you. I'm Jill Taylor.
100
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:39,764
And that's Randy, Mark and
Brad and my husband, Tim Taylor.
101
00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:42,100
Hey, it's "The Tool Man."
102
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:44,522
[imitating Tim] "Oh! Oh!"
103
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,842
Good to meet you, Ted.
Um, you look awful familiar.
104
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,043
Have we met before?
105
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:55,112
No. Perhaps you've
met one of my brothers.
106
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:56,814
Ned or Fred?
107
00:06:56,916 --> 00:07:00,051
Wait a minute. One brother
works at the airport in Alpena.
108
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:03,688
And the other brother at a gas station
in the middle of nowhere. I met 'em.
109
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:07,191
Yes. I hope they didn't
give you any trouble.
110
00:07:07,293 --> 00:07:09,305
They've always
been pretty ornery.
111
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:13,431
One time they held me down and
packed my nose with candy corn.
112
00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,635
Kids can be so cruel.
113
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:18,837
This was last Christmas.
114
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,351
By the way, Tim,
I've been authorized
115
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:25,743
to give you a tour of the
Silverdome's nerve center.
116
00:07:25,845 --> 00:07:29,647
Home of our state-of-the-art
electrical and plumbing system.
117
00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:33,584
- Somebody pinch me!
- You can watch the game
on the monitors
118
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:36,899
and I'll have you back at
halftime for dinner with your family.
119
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:39,563
- Thank you, Ted.
- I'll be up to
get you in a while.
120
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,659
- All right.
- Thank you.
121
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,428
Would you look at all this food?
122
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:47,432
Do you know how many needy families
it could have fed on Thanksgiving?
123
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:49,034
Ooh. Crab puffs.
124
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:55,173
Sorry I'm late. I ran into Harry
Belafonte at the VIP elevator.
125
00:07:55,275 --> 00:07:57,475
What a chatterbox.
126
00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:04,115
- I'm sorry. You would be...?
- Irv Schmayman.
127
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,017
Major television producer.
128
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:09,287
- And you are...?
- Tim Taylor,
major television star.
129
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,188
- Taylor.
- Yeah.
130
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,425
Never heard of you.
131
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:15,794
Well, maybe you
have the wrong booth.
132
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,863
Box 12. The Lions
front office set me up.
133
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:22,099
Didn't you say this booth was
just gonna be for our family?
134
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:25,202
Hey, we are all in the
entertainment family.
135
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:29,240
All part of the business
I like to call, "Show."
136
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,911
Well, Irv, this is my wife, Jill
137
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:36,014
and these are my boys,
Randy, Brad and Mark.
138
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:37,582
Irv Schmayman.
139
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,483
Hollywood legend.
140
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,389
Here's my card.
Pass it around, kid.
141
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,724
Well, so much for our
family Thanksgiving.
142
00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,826
Honey, it's just one Schmayman.
143
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,530
[Irv] Girls?
144
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,936
These are my personal
assistants, Jenny and Cindy.
145
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,805
They're going to be
joining us for Thanksgiving.
146
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:03,374
Now I've got something
to be thankful for.
147
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,180
- All right, Lions won!
- The game just started.
148
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,115
No, they won the coin toss.
149
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:17,689
The holiday season always reminds
me of my Helen Reddy special,
150
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,958
Reddy or Not, It's Christmas.
151
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:23,595
It was a ratings volcano.
152
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,030
Are you guys gonna
watch the game or chat?
153
00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:30,602
Whoa, relax, Timski. I've got friends
at the network. I'll get you a tape.
154
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,171
Excuse me. Mr. Taylor?
155
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:36,474
Are you ready to explore
the bowels of the Silverdome?
156
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,843
Let me loose.
157
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:42,113
Tim, can I speak to you for a
moment? He'll be right there.
158
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,781
[clearing throat]
159
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:47,051
You cannot leave us
alone with the Schmayman,
160
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,855
Jill, Jill, Jill.
161
00:09:50,957 --> 00:09:53,758
Thanksgiving is
about compassion.
162
00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,894
It's about reaching
out to others.
163
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,462
It's about being
there for other people.
164
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,798
Gotta go.
165
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:08,372
These are the transformers
and all the breakers.
166
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:11,142
I love spending time down here.
167
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:12,877
Who wouldn't?
168
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:16,114
The place is so homey.
169
00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:19,017
If you like this, wait till
you see our control room.
170
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,986
That's where we operate
all of the Silverdome's lights
171
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:23,688
and our 2,000 toilets.
172
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:27,558
Wait a minute. Two
thousand toilets?
173
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:31,129
Is there a button you can
press to flush them all at once?
174
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:34,098
No, but I'll bring it up at
the next board meeting.
175
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,201
You're a thinker. I like that.
176
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:41,038
So, finally, I tell the network,
"You've got a great idea.
177
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,373
But the show needs a twist.
178
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:45,510
You want funny?
Make the nun fly."
179
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:51,315
If your father doesn't get back
soon I'm gonna have to kill him.
180
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,251
Dad or Schmayman?
181
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,619
Whoever's closest.
182
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,189
[crowd cheering]
183
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:05,496
I've been so blessed. I have this
superhuman feel for what's funny.
184
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:08,867
Pants are funny. Pork is funny.
185
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,368
Fish are funny.
186
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:11,970
I think I might vomit.
187
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,838
Vomit, big funny.
188
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,876
Ted, I can't thank you enough.
189
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:23,014
If I can put a smile on "The Tool
Man's" face, my dream has come true.
190
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:26,785
- You really mean that?
- No, I'm just
being a good host.
191
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:31,089
Before you go back to your family,
I have one more surprise for you.
192
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,424
I don't think my heart
can take it. Let me guess.
193
00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,660
An autographed copy
of the building permit.
194
00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:38,596
Hey, I'm a liaison. I'm not God.
195
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,868
Smile, "Tool Man".
You're on Jumbo Vision.
196
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:45,903
- No, no. The big screen?
- Yeah.
197
00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:48,272
This is cool.
198
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:55,346
That is one beautiful turkey.
199
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:01,920
I pitched a series to CBS
about a talking turkey.
200
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,823
They told me to
stuff it. [laughing]
201
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:09,660
Hello! Is this thing on?
202
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,766
This is a nightmare.
203
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:18,002
Hey, look. Dad's
on Jumbo Vision.
204
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:23,041
[announcer] On Jumbo Vision, our
special guest, Tim "The Tool Man"...
205
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:24,742
Look at that.
206
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,679
The contrast on these monitors
is bad. Let me work on this.
207
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,692
No, Tim. Don't touch anything!
208
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:33,151
I'm in the business, Ted. I
know how to work these things.
209
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:37,855
This is specially made
for the Silverdome...
210
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,290
[Ted] Oh, my God.
211
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:54,372
[Randy] Dad just ruined
Thanksgiving for 80,000 people.
212
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:58,143
- [Irv] I'm gonna grab a yam.
- [Jill] That's not a yam, Irv.
213
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,718
[announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen, please remain seated.
214
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:12,390
The lights should be back on as soon
as someone figures out how to fix them.
215
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,726
How long do you
think it'll take to fix this?
216
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:20,932
You better hope it's fast, because every
person in this stadium saw what you did.
217
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,869
Some of them were
probably in the bathroom.
218
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,572
Yeah. Those guys
will be real happy.
219
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:34,245
Let "The Tool Man" in there.
I work great under pressure.
220
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:37,148
Oh, no, you don't. Sit down
and don't touch anything.
221
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:42,586
The more I think about it, your
toilet flushing button idea stunk.
222
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:48,359
I think I understand why your brothers
shoved candy corn up your nose.
223
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,698
Boy, this takes me back.
224
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:59,570
January, 1994, the earthquake
hit and wiped out the power
225
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,206
while Tina Turner was
staying in my guest house.
226
00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,208
So, let me guess.
227
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:07,678
You went next door and borrowed
a flashlight from David Bowie.
228
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:11,916
You know, Jillsie, we Schmaymans
are pretty perceptive people.
229
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:16,520
And I am picking up a hint of
sarcasm on my "Schmaydar."
230
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,928
Hey, Schmayman.
231
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:26,997
Hey.
232
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:28,899
What can I tell you, huh?
233
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,573
- Hey, Rodney.
- I had a hard time finding you.
234
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:39,076
After they saw my face
they turned off all the lights.
235
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,380
Rodney starred in
my Christmas special.
236
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,215
I Don't Get No Respect: On Ice.
237
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,284
Oh, and I'll tell
you, it was cold.
238
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:51,322
It was so cold, it was colder than my
wife's handshake on our honeymoon.
239
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,057
- Hello.
- How do you do, baby.
240
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:56,326
I'm Jill Taylor. I can't believe
it's Rodney Dangerfield.
241
00:14:56,428 --> 00:15:00,097
- What are you doing in Detroit?
- Looking for plugs and points.
242
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,935
I was the Grand Marshal at
the Great American Parade.
243
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:10,475
And if they made me the Grand Marshal,
how great can America be, you know?
244
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:14,412
Mom? Who's Rodney Dangerfield?
245
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:18,282
Honey, he's a famous
comic. He's hilarious.
246
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:23,087
What's with the black outfit?
Devil worshipers are in box 666.
247
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:27,591
- You are good.
- Thanks, shorty.
248
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,831
When I was a kid,
I was short myself.
249
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,968
I was so short I had to
blow my nose through my fly.
250
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,703
[laughter]
251
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,179
Are you this funny at home?
252
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:52,383
Not since my wife's
mother moved in.
253
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,019
What a barracuda.
254
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,132
My husband will be
so sorry he missed you.
255
00:15:57,156 --> 00:16:01,025
Would you consider staying and
having Thanksgiving dinner with us?
256
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,927
That's very kind
of you. I'd love to.
257
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:06,130
When I was a kid I had
it rough. We were poor.
258
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,899
How poor were you?
259
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:13,270
How poor? On Thanksgiving my old
man showed us a picture of a turkey.
260
00:16:15,107 --> 00:16:18,275
I sat there all day
trying to lick the gravy.
261
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:24,849
Bad news. If we don't get
the lights fixed in 15 minutes,
262
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,617
the game is cancelled.
263
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,753
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
264
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:32,823
I believe one time I saved some time
by wiring around the circuit breaker.
265
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:35,892
Couldn't that cause the
transformer to blow up?
266
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,728
If memory serves, yes.
267
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,342
Why don't you go to your family?
268
00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:42,599
I'm not gonna walk
across the Silverdome.
269
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,369
There might be people out
there that want my blood.
270
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:46,637
I'm aware of that.
271
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:48,940
[angry shouting]
272
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:57,448
Wow. Look at all these people.
This is turning into one heck of a party.
273
00:16:57,550 --> 00:17:01,052
What can I say? In the
face of tragedy, I host.
274
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:04,121
Mr. Dangerfield, I hope
I'm not speaking out of turn,
275
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:07,125
but you seem to have
some self-esteem issues.
276
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,759
Oh, you can say that again.
277
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,495
When I was born the
doctor smacked my mother.
278
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,767
Rodney, remember our
special? You were doing your act,
279
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,670
and Aretha Franklin
skated out onto the ice.
280
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,006
And she sang that song
to me all about respect.
281
00:17:22,108 --> 00:17:24,675
Oh, yeah, I taught
that song to you guys.
282
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:28,412
♪ R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find
out what it means to me ♪
283
00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:31,315
♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me
Sock it to me, sock it to me ♪
284
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:33,984
That's enough
"sock it to me", OK?
285
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:37,521
Reminds me of my neighborhood.
My neighborhood is tough.
286
00:17:37,623 --> 00:17:40,825
They said to a kid in school,
"What comes after a sentence?"
287
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,726
He said, "You make an appeal."
288
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:52,203
I just wanted to have a nice
Thanksgiving dinner with my family.
289
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:54,371
Look what happened!
290
00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,610
Sorry!
291
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:01,779
Wait. Do that again.
292
00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:03,447
Sorry!
293
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,284
No, no, hit the console.
294
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:10,321
[whirring]
295
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,289
[cheering]
296
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,160
What were you worried about?
297
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:22,366
So long, Charo. Coochie-coochie.
298
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,502
Hey, the lights are back on!
299
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:28,105
Yeah, the players are
headed back onto the field.
300
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:31,675
Hey, listen, I got a massage
at my hotel in ten minutes.
301
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,644
Taylor family, can I be frank?
302
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:37,982
This has been the most moving,
enjoyable holiday I have ever had.
303
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,985
And that includes Passover
with the Tony Curtises.
304
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:43,354
[laughing] Thank you.
305
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:46,824
- Thank you. Good-bye.
- God bless you. I mean it. Stay well.
306
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:49,226
OK. Thanks.
307
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:52,496
Oh. Can you believe that
this actually happened?
308
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:54,498
Oh, yes, that was unbelievable.
309
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,501
You know, Jenny told
me to call her when I'm 21.
310
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:02,039
Yeah, and Irv wants first
look at my next screenplay.
311
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,977
I'm reconsidering my distaste
for conspicuous consumption.
312
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,880
Ooh. Dibs on the last truffle.
313
00:19:11,250 --> 00:19:14,618
Hey, I'm sorry I wrecked
your Thanksgiving, OK.
314
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,387
No! You kidding? It was great.
315
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,489
It was the best
Thanksgiving ever.
316
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,558
We got to hang out
with Rodney Dangerfield.
317
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:25,496
[imitating Rodney] It was wild.
It was like my neighborhood.
318
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,731
You know, my
neighborhood was so wild,
319
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,935
when the kids played
hopscotch they used real scotch.
320
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:36,240
Trying to cheer me up is
getting pathetic here, OK?
321
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:39,143
Hey, Jill, I forgot to give
you my phone number in L.A.
322
00:19:39,245 --> 00:19:42,779
If you get to L.A., bring the
family. We'll have a barbeque, OK?
323
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:47,885
And you'll meet my doctor,
Dr. Vinnie Boombach.
324
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:51,756
I saw him last week and asked him if
my heart was strong enough for sex.
325
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,891
He told me not if I join in.
326
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:59,864
Rodney Dangerfield, I'm
Tim Taylor. I'm her husband.
327
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:04,334
Oh, yeah. You're the knucklehead
who screwed up the lights, huh?
328
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,937
If you get to L.A. just
bring the kids, OK?
329
00:20:08,674 --> 00:20:10,607
You take it easy. I
hope I run into you.
330
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,409
When I'm driving!
331
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,685
And welcome back to Tool Time.
332
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,421
Today we're going to
restore antique picture frames.
333
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:28,592
Because under an ugly exterior
sometimes you can find a true beauty.
334
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:31,428
[chuckling] That's not
the case... Oh, never mind.
335
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:36,000
OK, uh... To help us out today
we have a very special guest.
336
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:39,336
The Grand Marshal of the Great
American Parade doesn't like me,
337
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:41,138
but evidently, he
likes Tool Time.
338
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:45,109
That's why he's here. Let's give a
warm welcome to Rodney Dangerfield.
339
00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:47,677
[audience cheering, applauding]
340
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:55,819
Here, honey. Buy the
rest of that dress, will ya?
341
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:02,059
- Over here, Rodney.
- Ooh, could she
break up a happy home.
342
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:04,694
- Great to have you on the show.
- A pleasure.
343
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,563
What are we working
on today, boys?
344
00:21:06,665 --> 00:21:09,833
We're gonna refinish this
frame for a husky picture Al's got.
345
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:13,804
Speaking of husky, I understand you
were a husky kid. How husky were you?
346
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:17,241
I'm not here to do jokes. I'm
here to help Al with a project.
347
00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:24,481
I hear that you were poor and lived
in the projects. How poor were you?
348
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,985
None of your business.
349
00:21:28,087 --> 00:21:30,554
What kind of wood are
we using in this frame?
350
00:21:30,656 --> 00:21:33,357
- Distressed maple.
- Speaking of distressed,
351
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:36,560
I understand your wife is
annoying. How annoying is she?
352
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:38,829
Not as annoying as you.
353
00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:41,932
How do you work
with this guy, huh?
354
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:45,002
It's tough. I gotta tell ya,
I don't get any respect.
355
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:47,771
You're talking to the original.
356
00:21:47,873 --> 00:21:49,873
'Cause I don't get
no respect at all.
357
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:53,010
I got no sex life. My wife
cut me down to once a month.
358
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:56,446
I'm lucky. Two guys I
know she cut out completely.
358
00:21:57,305 --> 00:22:57,360
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