1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:05,270
Ooh, looking good, Al.
2
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:09,674
Thank you. I've been experimenting
with those new volumizing shampoos.
3
00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:11,743
- Mm-hmm.
- Now I've got fluff!
4
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:15,292
Oh, guess what?
5
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:17,294
I ran into Ilene
at the health club.
6
00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:20,252
- I am so happy for her.
- Happy about what?
7
00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,964
- You haven't heard the news?
- What news?
8
00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:26,024
- Nothing, nothing.
- Heidi, come on, come on.
9
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:30,328
- Come on, what news?
- Al, she's engaged.
10
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:32,798
- What?
- You know, I could've
heard it wrong.
11
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:36,468
- I...
- Oh, boy, engaged?
12
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,470
That happened so fast.
13
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,405
She...
14
00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:42,807
Ilene's changed her
whole life around.
15
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,676
And, and... I've done...
16
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:47,246
nothing.
17
00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:50,616
But, your hair looks so good.
18
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,885
Does everybody
know what time it is?
19
00:00:53,987 --> 00:00:57,088
- [all] Tool Time!
- That's right!
20
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,068
Binford Tools is
proud to present,
21
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:02,594
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor, whoo!
22
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,996
[audience cheering, clapping]
23
00:01:08,835 --> 00:01:10,802
Thank you, Heidi.
24
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,572
Thank you, studio audience,
welcome to Tool Time.
25
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:16,408
I am who I am,
26
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:19,777
I am Tim "The Tool Man."
27
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:24,649
And, of course you all know
my assistant, Al Borland.
28
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,556
Today we're talking
about sharpening tools,
29
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:36,794
'cause as we all know, a
dull tool is a useless tool.
30
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:40,298
And nobody wants
a dull, useless tool.
31
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:47,405
So what do they do?
They just replace it with a...
32
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:51,376
more exciting, probably
better looking tool.
33
00:01:53,747 --> 00:01:57,682
Or they sharpen it.
34
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,652
Which is what Al and I will do
today, showing you how to sharpen
35
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:03,788
with this professional
knife-sharpening system...
36
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,558
Al? Got a minute?
37
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,862
Got the whole rest of my life.
38
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:15,834
It'll just be me, all
alone with my tools.
39
00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:18,537
A guy could do worse. [chuckles]
40
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,572
Let's start with
garden tools, can we?
41
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,975
The simplest way to do that
is use a two grit whetstone. Al?
42
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:26,344
Huh?
43
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:31,650
What's the matter with you?
Are you on that all-corn diet again?
44
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:38,657
Uh, to sharpen your
garden tool, you'll wanna...
45
00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:41,159
take the whetstone, uh,
46
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:42,860
across the surface of the blade,
47
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:45,029
in strong, smooth strokes,
48
00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:48,300
following the, the
curve of the blade.
49
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,575
In a former life, Al was
a motivational speaker.
50
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:00,245
Let's talk about knives,
51
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:03,548
these are chef's knives,
stainless steel with carbon in them.
52
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,883
They're very expensive,
so a good rule is
53
00:03:05,985 --> 00:03:08,353
not to use too much pressure.
Pressure must be exact.
54
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:11,323
Well, what do you know
about pressure? You know.
55
00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:14,293
I'm almost 40
and I'm still single.
56
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:18,196
You keep this up, you'll be
40, single and unemployed.
57
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:26,270
As I said, these knives are
pricey, you want to pay attention, Al.
58
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,706
I know what I'm doing.
59
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,575
I'm just saying,
with proper care,
60
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:33,045
these tools can always be a
precision cutting instrument.
61
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:41,074
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org
62
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,039
Great show, everyone.
63
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:37,575
Almost.
64
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,678
Al, what's the matter with you?
65
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,614
I just found out
Ilene is engaged.
66
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,083
Ooh, that's the problem. Oh.
67
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:48,053
- I thought you were over her.
- I am.
68
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,755
But, the point is,
she's moved on.
69
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:53,324
She's... found somebody else.
70
00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:56,795
All I've done is switched
to a shampoo with jojoba.
71
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:02,801
What do you expect, a woman
to pop out of a Prell bottle?
72
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:05,537
Al, you're a bouncin'
and behavin' guy.
73
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,039
- You just gotta get out more.
- Well, I get out.
74
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:12,510
Heck, I'm over at your house
twice this week for dinner.
75
00:05:12,612 --> 00:05:15,680
I mean get out and meet some
women. You gotta get back in the saddle.
76
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:18,116
- [sighs] You're right.
- I know I'm right.
77
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,696
- What am I waiting for?
- What?
78
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,297
- Back in that saddle!
- Saddle!
79
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,866
- Back on that horse!
- Horse!
80
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,789
Lasso that future Mrs. Borland.
81
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,591
Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay!
82
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:28,193
[both shouting]
83
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,363
Howdy! You wanna
go out Saturday night?
84
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,105
[tapping keys]
85
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,479
So, when's dinner?
86
00:05:48,581 --> 00:05:52,350
6:15, same time it's
been every night this week.
87
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:58,757
Al, um, weren't you supposed
to have a date tonight?
88
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,859
Well, it wasn't really a date.
89
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:03,694
This lady selling Amway
said she might call back.
90
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,832
Wow.
91
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,072
Shouldn't you be home,
waiting for the call?
92
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,142
No, I gave her this number.
93
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:22,680
And if she doesn't call
back, that's alright too.
94
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:25,683
'Cause I'm here with the people
I love and people who love me.
95
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:26,818
[door opens]
96
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,787
Borland, you still here?
97
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:32,123
[shouts] Boys, dinner's here!
98
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,093
So, chicken, huh? Uh-oh!
99
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,862
You always forget
the moist towelettes.
100
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:42,233
Do I? Where is my mind?
101
00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:45,737
Not to worry, I got some
emergency towelettes in the car.
102
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,741
Emergency towelettes...
103
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,243
and he can't get a date?
104
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,113
- Chicken.
- Oh, no.
105
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:58,683
- You know how much
Al likes chicken.
- Al likes anything.
106
00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:01,753
Just hide the drumsticks
so we don't all starve.
107
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:05,557
Tim, this is ridiculous. He can't
just spend all of his free time here.
108
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,493
I've got a paper due Friday,
I can't get any work done.
109
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:09,828
He's driving us nuts.
110
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:13,031
He keeps following me around,
asking me how I meet women.
111
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:19,037
Amazing. A grown man
as desperate as Mark.
112
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,240
I've got to find him a woman.
113
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,782
Why doesn't he
go on the internet?
114
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,378
He tried that.
115
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,315
He ended up having coffee with a
60-year-old stripper named Vince.
116
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:35,720
Got the towelettes!
117
00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:38,023
I also found some
packets of hot sauce
118
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,992
in case tomorrow night
we go "south of the border."
119
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:49,200
Al... it's not that we don't
love you coming over for dinner
120
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,069
- night after night after night.
- After night.
121
00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:54,772
But, um, I was thinking
that maybe, I don't know,
122
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,441
you could go out into
the dating world again.
123
00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,578
Have you ever considered
going to, like, a singles bar?
124
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,546
Oh, I tried that once.
125
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:05,549
I spent the whole
night alone at the bar...
126
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,687
building a fort out
of swizzle sticks.
127
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,889
Well, Al, you can't go to
a singles bar by yourself.
128
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:15,961
You need to take a friend with you, that
way you feel more relaxed and confident.
129
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:20,365
- I don't have
any single friends.
- What about Wilson?
130
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,344
- How about Benny?
- No, no, no, no.
131
00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:25,636
We wanna attract
women, not repel them.
132
00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:28,839
Well, OK, then, then, just
take a married friend, take Tim.
133
00:08:28,941 --> 00:08:31,042
Excuse me?
134
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:34,912
Yeah, Tim would be willing to
go bar-hopping with you tonight.
135
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:37,749
- I would?
- That's great! Alright!
136
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,652
Hey, hold on a minute,
excuse me a second.
137
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:44,188
Back the open
marriage mobile up, OK?
138
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:46,636
You want me to go
out and look for women?
139
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,393
Well... oh, either that or
140
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,496
we could just have Al
here for dinner every night
141
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:52,964
for the rest of our lives.
142
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,465
Dad, if you love your family,
143
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:57,368
you'll go to the singles
bar, cruise for chicks.
144
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:04,376
Tim, you gotta hurry up and get to the
bar before all the good women are taken.
145
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,312
OK.
146
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:10,448
Aren't you the least bit worried
some woman might fall for me?
147
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,685
[laughing] No.
148
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:17,155
You're only gonna be there long
enough for Al to meet somebody.
149
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:20,958
That's not long enough for anybody
to fall... you gonna wear this tie?
150
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,494
What's the matter with this tie?
151
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:27,699
Well, it's fine for business, but it's
no good if you wanna get some action.
152
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:31,402
I'm not looking to
get any "action".
153
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:34,505
I know, but Al is and you're
supposed to be part of a team.
154
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:38,309
You gotta go upstairs and change
your pants. Wear those black jeans.
155
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,012
- The tight ones?
- Oh, yeah.
156
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,483
You gotta show off
that butt, you know?
157
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,752
- Why would I show off my butt?
- For Al!
158
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:54,725
I'm beginning to think going after another
woman wouldn't be that bad of an idea.
159
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,461
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, well, OK.
160
00:09:57,563 --> 00:10:01,833
You don't trust me, we'll just go
get a totally objective opinion, OK?
161
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,336
OK, Tim, spin for your
neighbor one more time.
162
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,440
What do you think? He's going
out. I want him to look good.
163
00:10:08,542 --> 00:10:10,808
She says I should
wear tighter pants for Al,
164
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,643
I say I look fine,
what do you say?
165
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:15,480
Well, how does Al
like his men to dress?
166
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:19,637
It's not for Al, it's
for the single women
167
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:22,219
they're hoping to pick
up at the singles bar.
168
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:25,757
Oh, silly me, how could
I have missed that?
169
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,992
- It's not as bad as it sounds.
- I hope not.
170
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:31,762
Al's been really lonely, he's hanging
around our house way too much.
171
00:10:31,864 --> 00:10:36,133
So, I volunteered Tim to go with
him to a singles bar for moral support.
172
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:37,735
I think this is ridiculous.
173
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:40,905
Well, Tim, there is no sacrifice
too great to make for a friend.
174
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:46,378
In the words of the very famous
wise men, KC and the Sunshine Band,
175
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:49,547
"Shake your booty."
176
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,682
Easy to say, it's
not your booty.
177
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:55,286
Actually, I've gone to far greater
lengths to help out a friend.
178
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,989
I remember when I was in
Japan, my old flame, Miyoshi,
179
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,524
was too ill to attend
a cooking contest.
180
00:11:00,626 --> 00:11:04,195
So I donned her kimono,
applied a light blush,
181
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:07,264
and submitted her spinach
wasabi rice cakes to the judge.
182
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:11,469
So, for a friend, you
dressed up as a woman?
183
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:14,606
Oh, absolutely. I walked
away with first prize.
184
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:19,611
And a marriage proposal from
the vice president of Toyota.
185
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,849
- So, you see my point?
- What?
186
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:28,920
Go stuff yourself into those jeans,
then we'll talk about pick-up lines.
187
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,589
I can use the same
pick-up line I used on you.
188
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:35,727
I don't think she's really gonna
like, "Sorry I hurled on your shoe."
189
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:41,800
[music playing]
190
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,988
Wow, look at this place!
191
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,258
It's so hip and happenin'.
192
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,661
What am I doing here?
193
00:12:09,763 --> 00:12:11,596
Same thing every
other guy is doing.
194
00:12:11,698 --> 00:12:14,866
Trying to find a nice, decent
woman in a meat market.
195
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:18,837
All the women are so beautiful.
196
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,038
What are they
gonna want with me?
197
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:25,242
I don't know. Why don't you ask
those two girls over there looking at you.
198
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,450
[sighs]
199
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:37,521
- Come with me.
- You don't need me,
you're a celebrity.
200
00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:39,724
- Hi.
- [both giggle]
201
00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:43,061
[stammers] Uh, Tim, I believe
you had something to say?
202
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,130
Hi.
203
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,967
Yeah, that was it. Hi.
204
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,637
- I'm Kathy.
- I'm Donna.
205
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,405
And, you would be...
206
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,643
Good one!
207
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,445
You are from out of town?
208
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:04,882
No, we've lived in
Detroit all our lives.
209
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:08,553
Oh, well, have you seen
a show called Tool Time?
210
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:10,188
- No.
- Uh-uh.
211
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,357
- What is it?
- It's a very popular
television show.
212
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,493
- Oh. Cool.
- Really? Wow.
213
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,795
- And I'm the star.
- [both] Wow!
214
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,297
- Oh!
- Wow!
215
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,733
- Terrific.
- Yeah.
216
00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:28,906
Anyhoo, where was I?
217
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:32,210
- Sheboygan - Sheboygan, yeah.
218
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,546
The autograph hounds would
not give me a moment's peace.
219
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,947
Oh, wow.
220
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:41,519
It must be wonderful to work
with a star of Al's magnitude.
221
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,588
What do you do on the show?
222
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:48,259
He assists me.
223
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,528
Actually, I stand around
224
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,598
and he takes shots at my
grossly overweight mother.
225
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:59,036
- I've always had
a thing for sidekicks.
- Hmm.
226
00:13:59,138 --> 00:14:01,239
Something salty?
227
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:06,844
But I think you're cute
enough to be the star.
228
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,047
We gotta go.
229
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:11,394
- Al.
- Huh?
230
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,384
You got that beard
moussing at 5:00 a.m.
231
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,587
- What are you talking about?
- We don't want
to be late for Jill.
232
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,856
- Jill's my boss.
- Oh.
233
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:22,693
- Oh, uh... I...
- You know, I gotta
get going anyway.
234
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:26,263
Well, Tim, you know, if you
feel like hanging out a little longer,
235
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:30,268
then I could always just drive
you to work in the morning.
236
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,571
What kinda car do you got?
237
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,446
Tim.
238
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,848
Morning? Well, then you would...
239
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:51,389
Well, [clears throat] it was great meeting
you. Maybe we can get together again?
240
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:55,226
Hey, who knows? In the future,
down the line, our paths may cross.
241
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,127
How about tomorrow night?
242
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:58,662
[both] We'd love to!
243
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:02,433
That's great! Then the four of
us have a date right here at 8:00.
244
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,101
I can't wait.
245
00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:07,805
- Don't worry about the drinks,
they're on me.
- [both] Thanks. Bye.
246
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:20,250
What are you thinking
about? You got me into a date!
247
00:15:20,352 --> 00:15:24,288
Well, I wanted to see Kathy again
and I didn't want Donna to feel left out.
248
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:29,960
And you... You were so cold to her,
she probably thinks you're not interested.
249
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:32,963
I'm not interested,
I'm married, you idiot!
250
00:15:35,968 --> 00:15:39,637
Well, that's no excuse
for bad manners.
251
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,739
Let's talk about bad manners.
252
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:45,243
Lying for two hours saying
you hosted Tool Time?
253
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:49,847
[stammering] Ok, I did, but I can clear
all that up tomorrow night on our date.
254
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,184
Perfect. While you clear that up,
clear up why I'm not gonna be there.
255
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,386
No, no, no, you have
to come with me. Just...
256
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:58,122
fly with me one more
time, you're my copilot.
257
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,322
I'm not spending the
night here with a beautiful
258
00:16:00,346 --> 00:16:02,159
woman who worships
the ground I stand on.
259
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:04,829
I'm gonna spend
the night with my wife.
260
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:17,274
Hey, Dad, you all ready
for your big date tonight?
261
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:20,744
It's not a date, I'm actually
breaking up with her tonight.
262
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:24,115
Already?
263
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,850
That was a short romance.
264
00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:29,486
There was never a romance,
there never will be a romance.
265
00:16:29,588 --> 00:16:31,989
Well, not with that attitude.
266
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,793
Fellas, the only reason I'm
going down there tonight,
267
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:39,196
is I don't trust Al to tell
that woman I'm married.
268
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:43,934
Maybe it's me, but shouldn't you have
told her you're married on the first date?
269
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:47,471
And you're supposed
to be our role model.
270
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,643
Whoa! Why are you wearing that?
271
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:56,314
- For the date I'm going on.
- You can't wear that.
272
00:16:56,416 --> 00:17:00,984
If these pants were any tighter, my
navel would be under my Adam's apple.
273
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,721
Well, I know. I want
you to wear looser pants.
274
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:07,325
- You look way too sexy.
- I thought you wanted me
to look sexy.
275
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:10,828
To pick up a woman,
not break up with one.
276
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,931
So I dress like a slob?
277
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,833
Yeah, just dress the
way you normally do,
278
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:18,069
the rest will take
care of itself.
279
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:23,841
So, Kathy, what is it like
280
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:27,278
working for a company
that manufactures spools?
281
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,347
It's great.
282
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:32,349
Really? Where do
you learn about spools?
283
00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:34,785
Spool school?
284
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,874
I'm gonna tell her
the truth right now.
285
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,064
And then you go
to graduate spool?
286
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:52,503
Just wait till I make
another date with Kathy.
287
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:55,873
- Tim, how do you feel
about marriage?
- Hate it.
288
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:57,875
What?
289
00:17:57,977 --> 00:18:00,978
- Wow, how about kids?
- I had a vasectomy.
290
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:05,916
Really? That is terrific.
291
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:09,053
Well, it's not as
much fun as it sounds.
292
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:11,889
I have always felt that
marriage was very confining
293
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:16,794
and that kids greatly take away from
the raw power of the sexual experience.
294
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:18,695
[moaning]
295
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:22,867
Have you noticed the
mustard stain on these chinos?
296
00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:26,203
I'm not looking at the
mustard, I'm looking at the buns.
297
00:18:26,305 --> 00:18:29,106
Hello! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
298
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:32,576
I have to go to the little mechanics
room, Al, you wanna join me?
299
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:34,412
- Huh?
- Go change our oil.
300
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:36,580
- Huh?
- Flush our coolants.
301
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,315
What?
302
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:40,984
Pee.
303
00:18:47,693 --> 00:18:49,527
- This charade's gotta stop.
- What?
304
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,440
We gotta tell those
women the truth.
305
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,531
Wait till after the
shrimp cocktail.
306
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,867
I'm tired of lying. I
hate her touching me,
307
00:18:56,969 --> 00:19:00,237
I can't pretend to be
something that I'm not.
308
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,615
Perfect timing. Look, the
shrimp cocktail just arrived.
309
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,985
- Hey, before we eat...
- Hey, Tim, look! Tiger prawns.
310
00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:16,821
[both growling, laughing]
311
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:19,089
Before we eat, I want
to make a confession.
312
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:21,692
You're not really
on TV, are you?
313
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:25,429
No, no, we are. But,
Tim is actually the star.
314
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,698
Yeah, they call
me "The Tool Man."
315
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,301
Ooh, I bet they do.
316
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:34,238
They call me the
married tool man.
317
00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:36,607
Aww, man.
318
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,409
- But, but it's not his fault.
- No.
319
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,078
You see, I, I was
recovering from a break-up
320
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,280
and I was feeling uneasy
about dating again.
321
00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:46,951
- So, I asked Tim to...
- Deceive my best friend?
322
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,585
And you lied to me.
323
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:52,923
Well, I hope this
doesn't affect our future.
324
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:56,260
It can't. Because
there is no future.
325
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,563
- [sighs]
- Just checking.
326
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:03,601
Does your wife know
you're at a singles bar?
327
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,672
It was her idea.
328
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:12,509
Oh, you showbiz people are sick.
329
00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:17,181
[sighing]
330
00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:18,982
I hate the single life.
331
00:20:19,084 --> 00:20:22,219
Well, this singles thing is
a lot tougher than I thought.
332
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:24,322
I should never have lied to her.
333
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,857
No, you shouldn't
have lied to her.
334
00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:30,026
But, she liked you for a while.
335
00:20:30,128 --> 00:20:32,162
She did, didn't she?
336
00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:34,698
It was a good first step.
337
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,868
If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't
have been here to take that.
338
00:20:37,971 --> 00:20:41,172
Thanks to you, Tim, I... I've
gained my confidence back!
339
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:43,674
And I learned
something about spools.
340
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:49,246
You don't need me to find
women. You're, you're...
341
00:20:49,348 --> 00:20:51,481
[chuckles] ...check out 3:00.
342
00:20:51,583 --> 00:20:53,617
No, 3:00.
343
00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:58,655
Excuse me.
344
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:05,763
Excuse me.
345
00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:09,500
Hi, I'm Al Borland and I
would like to buy you a drink.
346
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,635
Oh, I don't drink.
347
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:15,539
Mostly I just sit here building
forts out of swizzle sticks.
348
00:21:22,415 --> 00:21:24,848
Hello, again. I'm Richard.
349
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,318
You like jazz?
350
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:40,264
Not to worry, I've got
emergency towelettes in my car.
351
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,800
Emergency toilettes.
352
00:21:43,902 --> 00:21:46,170
He can't get... toilets.
353
00:21:54,380 --> 00:21:58,582
What's the matter with you
you just got... [unintelligible]
353
00:21:59,305 --> 00:22:59,481
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