1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:05,037
This will be my most
exciting lighting display ever.

2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:08,840
The guys at the power plant will be
working overtime for this bad boy, huh?

3
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:12,411
You might want to read this
flyer. I found it in the mailbox.

4
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,580
It's from the lighting
contest committee.

5
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,862
"Because certain rooftop
displays have exceeded the bounds

6
00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:22,354
of prudent energy
consumption and good taste,

7
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:26,725
this year's lighting contest
will be strictly regulated."

8
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,794
They're pulling the
plug on you, Dad.

9
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,241
What makes you think
this has to do with me?

10
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:35,934
It says right here, "To be referred to,
henceforth, as the Tim Taylor clause".

11
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:41,840
This is bunk. This
is bunk. Come on!

12
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:44,387
"Electricity is limited to
two 20-amp breakers."

13
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:47,146
Who can work with that?
"No bulbs over 25 watts."

14
00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,114
Ha, ha!

15
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,449
"Maximum height
of elves, three feet."

16
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:53,991
What kind of elf
is three foot tall?

17
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:56,889
This one's gonna kill you.

18
00:00:56,991 --> 00:01:01,193
"Nativity scenes may include only
characters mentioned in the Bible."

19
00:01:02,462 --> 00:01:05,196
Which means no
more Three Stooges.

20
00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:09,067
Those were the Three Wise Men.

21
00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:12,170
Really? Then why were they
poking each other in the eye?

22
00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:15,173
To break up the trip.

23
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:23,074
Support us and become VIP member 
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

24
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,398
What is that smell?

25
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,611
I'm making us a
special Christmas cake.

26
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:19,971
It's really cool. It's got pineapple
and mangoes and papaya.

27
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,741
It's a fruitcake.
Everybody hates fruitcake.

28
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:27,445
I know that. This is not a fruitcake.
This is a Christmas cake with fruit.

29
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:32,250
"Cake with fruit." Reverse that.

30
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,953
- "Fruitcake."
- Don't take it out on me

31
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:38,956
just 'cause the neighborhood put
the kibosh on your lighting display.

32
00:02:39,058 --> 00:02:43,461
You say "ki-bosh,"
I say "pish-tosh".

33
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,532
- I got Wilson to be my partner.
- To help you do the roof?

34
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:50,068
No, no. He's gonna give
me two 20-amp circuits.

35
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,572
He's not decorating his roof. I
get his allotment of electricity.

36
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,873
I get more wattage.

37
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:58,543
It means I can make elves
the size of Shaquille O'Neal.

38
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:03,115
I can't believe Wilson would go
along with this after reading that flyer.

39
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,749
I'm not sure he read it.

40
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:08,365
Where are the boys? I need help.

41
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:10,088
Picking up Mom from the airport.

42
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:15,059
Listen, um... when she gets here
I want you to be extra nice to her.

43
00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:19,364
Oh. Now you tell me. I
just short-sheeted her bed.

44
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:23,568
No. You know, I want this to
be a really great holiday for her.

45
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:27,139
It's the first one since Dad died,
and she's bound to be depressed.

46
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:31,343
If anything will lift her spirits, it
will be the new lighting display.

47
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,946
Guess who's bearing
frankincense this year?

48
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:41,319
Come here. I want
you to see this.

49
00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:42,821
Look.

50
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,868
- Wow.
- Yeah.

51
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,725
It's your mom and
dad at their wedding.

52
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,973
I found it in her house after
the funeral, so I had it restored.

53
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:52,274
I'm gonna give it
to her for Christmas.

54
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:54,132
They did a nice
job restoring this.

55
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,635
They were able to airbrush
a smile over your dad's scowl.

56
00:03:57,737 --> 00:03:59,637
No, that's a real smile.

57
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,940
You said he never
smiled at their wedding.

58
00:04:02,042 --> 00:04:04,442
No, he never smiled
at our wedding.

59
00:04:08,114 --> 00:04:11,983
- Oh, Tim! Merry Christmas!
- Merry Christmas, Lillian. How are you?

60
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,951
- It's good to see you.
- Hi, Mom.

61
00:04:14,053 --> 00:04:15,853
- Hello, baby.
- Can I take your coat?

62
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,090
- It's so good to see you.
- Merry Christmas. I love your hair.

63
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:21,125
- You look gorgeous.
- It's so cute.

64
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:23,828
How was the trip back
with Brad from the airport?

65
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:27,165
It was a lot less scary
than when I ride with Tim.

66
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:32,003
I never knew Detroit
had stop signs.

67
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,873
Roundish red things.
Yeah, I've seen them.

68
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,578
Oh, Jill, the tree
looks beautiful.

69
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,179
Yes, it does, doesn't it?

70
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:45,917
Well, except for
this spark plug here.

71
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:53,525
That's right. Every year Tim
sneaks auto parts onto the tree.

72
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,994
And on Easter we
have a muffler hunt.

73
00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:01,699
Mom, there's a present that I
want you to open while we're alone.

74
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:04,168
Oh, no, no. It's
not Christmas yet.

75
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:06,037
No, this one's kind of personal.

76
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,641
I want you to open it while there's
not a lot of other people around.

77
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:13,912
Speaking of having other people around,
there's something I need to ask you.

78
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:18,283
Would you mind if I invited a
friend to join us for Christmas?

79
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:21,119
- Oh, a friend!
- He's really very nice.

80
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:23,221
He.

81
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:27,325
His name is Parker
and he's an engineer.

82
00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:30,929
He's going to be visiting people
in Detroit during the holidays.

83
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,764
Is... Uh... Mom?

84
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:36,334
What are you saying? You're
seeing someone? Like dating?

85
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:39,003
[chuckling] I guess that's
what you would call it.

86
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:41,806
We've been going out
together for a couple of months.

87
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,908
I really like him.

88
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:47,778
- Would it be all right
if he joined us?
- Sure. It's fine, it's great.

89
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,582
Whatever's gonna make
your Christmas good for you.

90
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:54,118
I can't tell you how happy that
makes me. I was nervous to tell you.

91
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:57,321
Oh! Well, now you've
told me and now I know.

92
00:05:57,424 --> 00:06:00,157
So, there's nothing for
anybody to be nervous about.

93
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,926
Let me show you his picture.

94
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,497
I brought a picture along
with me for you to see.

95
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,632
Here it is.

96
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:13,472
He has a duck tail and
you're wearing a poodle skirt.

97
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:16,274
Yes, it... it was Fifties Night

98
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,809
at Karaoke Pete's
Tandoori Kitchen.

99
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,145
Oh!

100
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:23,815
Parker does a mean
<i>Blue Suede Shoes.</i>

101
00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:26,751
Yeah, I... I see
he's wearing some.

102
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:28,720
He's... He's just a wild man.

103
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,455
[chuckling]

104
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,024
Now, how about that
Christmas present?

105
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:38,363
Oh. You know, now that I look
at this, this isn't the right one.

106
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:41,265
I'm gonna have to look
for it and give it to you later.

107
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:44,969
All right. I'm going to call Parker
and tell him that he's invited.

108
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:48,239
- I can't wait
for you to meet him.
- Me, too.

109
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,241
[door opening]

110
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,054
- [door closing]
- Look at this.

111
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,112
A Partridge in a pear tree.

112
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,857
Tim.

113
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:11,128
Mom just told me that she's...

114
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:13,698
bringing a date for Christmas.

115
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,869
Why doesn't she bring a whole box?
You can put them in your "Christmas cake."

116
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,704
No. Come here.

117
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:23,541
His name is Parker. She's been
seeing him for a couple of months.

118
00:07:23,643 --> 00:07:24,943
[quietly] Wow.

119
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:28,012
That's, uh, kind
of soon. I mean...

120
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:31,582
- How do you feel about that?
- Well, I was in shock.

121
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:35,086
I mean, I'm starting to give
her this photo of her and Dad,

122
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:37,588
then she starts talking
about this other man.

123
00:07:37,690 --> 00:07:41,026
I didn't feel I could give it to her.
Do you think I'm overreacting?

124
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,461
No. I think you're
taking this very well.

125
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:48,533
My mom waited 30 years to start
dating and I still think it's too soon.

126
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,869
It's obviously a little awkward
for me, but it's not about me.

127
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:55,874
So I'm gonna be supportive and when
Parker gets here we'll be hospitable.

128
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,177
It'll be easier for me. He's
not shacking up with my mom.

129
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,451
Whatever I can do to help.

130
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,422
See, Parker, here's my problem.

131
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:15,794
Even with... Even with
Wilson's allotment of electricity,

132
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,897
I still can't get these mechanical
things to work properly.

133
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:22,701
If I'm reading this right, this
doesn't say anything about voltage.

134
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:25,970
- [grunting] Huh?
- You can use a 220 volt line
for your appliances

135
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,006
instead of the standard 110.

136
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:31,242
It takes the same 20-amp
breaker, but doubles your power.

137
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:35,413
[grunting] Yeah. Double your
power, double your fun. Oh, oh, oh!

138
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,948
Let's go to the garage.

139
00:08:40,587 --> 00:08:43,320
Would you like to know
where Parker and I met?

140
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:45,657
Uh-huh. OK.

141
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:48,827
In the frozen vegetable
section of the supermarket.

142
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:54,231
Nothing says romance like
a bag of frozen succotash.

143
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:58,770
We chatted a little
more in paper goods,

144
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:02,540
and ended up exchanging
life stories in pet food.

145
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:06,444
By the time you got to
checkout, you were an item?

146
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,279
It didn't go quite like that.

147
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:12,116
You want to know what
we did on our first date?

148
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,218
Yeah, sure.

149
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,657
Parker took me dancing.

150
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:22,027
- I thought you hated dancing.
- No!

151
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:25,163
Well, it was your father
who didn't care for it.

152
00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:28,800
Do you and Parker
go dancing a lot?

153
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,502
Every Saturday night.

154
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:35,440
A couple of weeks ago he took me
to a square dance festival in Austin.

155
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,241
You drove up for the day?

156
00:09:37,343 --> 00:09:40,211
Well, actually we
made a weekend of it.

157
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,516
It's a great idea. I'll run
a line from the garage.

158
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:49,553
Parker figured out how to get more
electricity and not break the rules.

159
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:52,790
- This guy's sneaky. I like him.
- You're pretty sneaky yourself.

160
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:55,727
You figured out how to
use a motor from your dryer.

161
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,466
You're taking apart our dryer?

162
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,968
I'm taking apart
the dryer for you.

163
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:06,971
It's for the holidays.

164
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,940
You won't have to do laundry
until way into the new year.

165
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:12,744
Guess what, Tim asked
me to come to<i> Tool Time.</i>

166
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,378
[Lillian] Oh, that's wonderful.

167
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:19,383
Just remember, if Tim uses words like
"tweaked" and "souped up" and "uh-oh,"

168
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,986
you run like hell.

169
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:25,023
If we're gonna make the
Johnsons' for dinner we better go.

170
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:29,293
Oh, they're Parker's
oldest friends in the world.

171
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,307
I'm a little nervous
about meeting them.

172
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,398
- They're gonna love you.
- Oh.

173
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:37,435
- How could they not?
- Wait. What time are you
gonna be home?

174
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:41,239
You don't have to wait
up, honey. I have my keys.

175
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,974
- See you later. Have fun.
- [Lillian] Bye.

176
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,012
Parker's a great guy.

177
00:10:48,114 --> 00:10:52,183
Hey, how would you feel about
him becoming part of the family?

178
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,184
You throw pretty
good for a girl.

179
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,003
What do you got
against Keith Partridge?

180
00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:15,139
He's not dating your mother.

181
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:20,111
I just... I can't believe
the way that she's acting!

182
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:22,280
It's like Dad never
even existed.

183
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:26,184
And the way she goes on and on about
her tawdry square dancing weekend.

184
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,606
Come on, it's just
square dancing, honey.

185
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:32,256
I could just see the two of
them, do-si-do-ing around naked.

186
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,102
It gives new meaning to the
words, "Grab your partner".

187
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:49,640
And you! You! You! You're going
out of your way to be chummy with him!

188
00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:53,878
I'm being hospitable because
you, you, you asked me to!

189
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,347
You asked him to
come to<i> Tool Time.</i>

190
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,050
You never asked my
father to come to<i> Tool Time.</i>

191
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,485
Your father hated<i> Tool Time.</i>

192
00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:05,190
He'd never go. He said, "I'd
rather watch a test pattern."

193
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:09,494
How come you never took my father's
suggestions about the Christmas lights?

194
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:13,064
Jill, your father never gave me
suggestions. He gave me orders.

195
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,966
OK, yeah, he was gruff.

196
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,369
He was a very difficult person, but
that doesn't make this any easier.

197
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:22,440
It seems like Mom's happier with
Parker than she ever was with Dad.

198
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:25,310
That's not the case. It's
because it's a new relationship.

199
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,346
I've got to talk to Mom
about this thing, the way I feel.

200
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,449
- No, no, don't.
- Why not?

201
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:35,086
It's Christmastime. It's no
time to tell people how you feel.

202
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,693
Does everybody
know what time it is?

203
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:44,596
<i>- Tool Time!</i>
- That's right.

204
00:12:44,698 --> 00:12:48,466
Binford Tools is proud to
present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.

205
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:51,035
[audience cheering, applauding]

206
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:53,637
Thank you.

207
00:12:53,739 --> 00:12:56,774
Wow, what a good audience.
Good for you. Thank you, Heidi.

208
00:12:56,876 --> 00:12:58,542
Welcome to<i> Tool Time.</i>

209
00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:01,679
I am Tim "The Yule Man" Taylor.

210
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,749
Of course, you all know
my assistant, Al Borland.

211
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,686
- [cheering]
- Thank you.

212
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,789
Well, it's almost Christmas,
and Christmas is a time...

213
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,024
[both] ...for giving.

214
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,293
Right. And for you
last-minute shoppers,

215
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:18,729
the "Tool Man" here's got a
selection of last-minute gift ideas.

216
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:22,666
And to start us off, we have
the Binford 6100 Sleep Enhancer.

217
00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:25,203
It's for you guys who
can't drift off to sleep.

218
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,372
It produces sounds to
help you deep, deep sleep.

219
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:30,975
We have "Primeval
Forest," "Babbling Brook"...

220
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:33,088
Boring. Boring. I like this one.

221
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:36,280
<i>[racecar engines running]</i>

222
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,649
Ahh.

223
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:42,553
Indy cars going 220
miles an hour. [snoring]

224
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,324
All right. What do we have next?

225
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,826
I have a big surprise.
I'll be right back.

226
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:53,431
In the meantime, why don't we look
at some stocking stuffers from Binford?

227
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:57,735
This year, say "Merry Christmas"
with how-to videos starring Tim and Al.

228
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:02,673
Right. Show your loved ones how to
get rid of that annoying hum from lights

229
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:05,676
in<i> Silence of the Lamps.</i>

230
00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:12,283
And learn when to use nails
instead of adhesives in<i> Glueless.</i>

231
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,221
And my personal favorite,
<i>The Nutty Compressor.</i>

232
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,359
They loved this one in France.

233
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,363
And Tim has one
more gift to show us.

234
00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:27,464
He said it was a red wagon.

235
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:30,401
What would a grown man
want with a little red wagon?

236
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,203
[engine revving]

237
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:49,420
Oh, boy.

238
00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,723
Wilson, what are you doing?

239
00:14:52,825 --> 00:14:55,393
Well, I'm trying to
black out my windows

240
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:57,428
so I can finally get some sleep.

241
00:14:57,530 --> 00:15:01,532
- Insomnia?
- No, no, no. "Timsomnia."

242
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,034
- [chuckling]
- [Tim] Here they go!

243
00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:05,903
[electrical buzzing]

244
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:13,244
Do not look directly
into the Jesus.

245
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:18,849
Oh. I brought you a present.

246
00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:20,717
Oh, my goodness.

247
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:23,321
Oh, boy, that's heavy.

248
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,657
Jill, is it fruitcake?

249
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,894
No, it's not a fruitcake!
It's a Christmas cake.

250
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:32,163
It's made with mangoes
and papayas and...

251
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,766
Oh, hell, it's a fruitcake!
Fruitcake! Fruitcake! Fruitcake!

252
00:15:35,868 --> 00:15:38,102
[sighs]

253
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:40,838
I'm sorry, I'm just upset
about this whole thing

254
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,174
with my mother and
her new boyfriend.

255
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,309
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

256
00:15:45,411 --> 00:15:48,612
Tim says I should wait till
after the holidays to talk to her,

257
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:52,884
but I'm acting so crazy. I'm throwing
baked goods at Keith Partridge.

258
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,086
I don't know. What do you think?

259
00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:58,088
Well, he's no Greg Brady, but...

260
00:15:58,191 --> 00:16:00,357
No!

261
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,561
I mean, what do you think
about whether I should talk to her.

262
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,863
Well, I agree with
the poet William Blake,

263
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,399
who said, "I was
angry with my friend

264
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:12,270
I told my wrath
My wrath did end".

265
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:15,106
Yeah, but if I talk to her it
could ruin her Christmas.

266
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,775
If you don't, it could
ruin everybody else's.

267
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:20,244
Wilson, I want to show
you Santa's sleigh.

268
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:22,246
- Not now.
- It'll take a minute.

269
00:16:22,348 --> 00:16:24,515
- Just a couple minutes.
- I want to show you.

270
00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,784
What if I say the wrong
thing and she gets hurt?

271
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:31,321
Well, she won't if you just express
yourself in a sensitive and tactful way.

272
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,324
[electrical buzzing]

273
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:42,433
Tim, will you keep your
freakin' Santa out of my yard?!

274
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,143
Merry Christmas, honey.

275
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,912
Oh, Merry Christmas, Mom.

276
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,583
I told Parker to come over
around 9:00 if that's not too early.

277
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,052
Fine.

278
00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:06,691
Jill, are you feeling OK? You
seemed a little quiet last night.

279
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:10,094
Mom, I have to talk to
you about something. Um...

280
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:13,531
I hope that you don't
hate me for saying this, but

281
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,634
I am uncomfortable
with you dating.

282
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,169
Oh, I see.

283
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:22,573
It doesn't have anything
to do with Parker. It's just...

284
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,609
so soon after Dad's death.

285
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:26,911
Well, it seemed soon to me, too.

286
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:31,315
That's why when Parker first asked
me out in the grocery store, I said no.

287
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:35,085
I thought it would be disrespectful
to the memory of your father.

288
00:17:35,187 --> 00:17:38,689
So, you waited till you
got to the parking lot?

289
00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:44,461
For your information, I
turned Parker down for weeks.

290
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,165
I spent a lot of sleepless
nights feeling guilty

291
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:49,645
for even considering
going out with him.

292
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,468
Mom, that's what
you should feel!

293
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,771
I mean, you were married
to Dad for 50 years!

294
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,739
It was 51 years.

295
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:59,276
And seven months. I don't need
you to tell me how I should feel.

296
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:03,447
Excuse me. I'm having some trouble
having to see you with another man.

297
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:07,751
It just seems like, I don't know,
like Dad has just been replaced.

298
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:09,520
Replaced?

299
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:13,624
Jill.

300
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:18,862
Your father could
never be replaced.

301
00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:22,178
He's still so much
a part of my life

302
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:26,169
that it takes everything I've
got to let someone else in.

303
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,473
I'm sorry, Mom.

304
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:33,477
I just... I hadn't anticipated
how hard it would be for me to...

305
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,546
not have Dad here for Christmas.

306
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,348
Well, it's hard for me, too.

307
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:42,820
I mean, as much as I'm trying
to move on with my life, it...

308
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:46,490
[sobbing] Not having him
around just tears my heart out.

309
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:49,092
Oh.

310
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:52,229
You don't know how
happy that makes me.

311
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:55,966
Well, not happy.

312
00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,936
- That sounded awful!
- I know what you mean, honey.

313
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:00,437
Oh, Mom.

314
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:02,973
Oh, now, come on now, come on.

315
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:07,144
Remember when you girls were little
and your father would get up on Christmas

316
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:10,615
and make his famous
apple pancakes?

317
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:11,882
Oh, yeah.

318
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,018
As soon as he left the
room we fed them to the dog.

319
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:19,368
Do you think that's
what killed the dog?

320
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:20,724
[laughing]

321
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,027
Well, it was sweet
of him to do it for us.

322
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:26,730
And nice of him to pass his
cooking skills along to me.

323
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:29,912
- Mom.
- Hmm?

324
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:32,836
You remember I wanted
you to open that present?

325
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,482
- Oh, yes.
- Would you do that now?

326
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,673
- Yes, thank you.
- Here.

327
00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,243
Here you go.

328
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:43,380
Oh, look at that. There's
an air filter and a gas cap.

329
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,719
Oh, Jill.

330
00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:53,590
I found it in your house
and I had it restored.

331
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,393
Oh, it's beautiful.

332
00:19:56,495 --> 00:19:59,363
You were a beautiful bride.

333
00:19:59,465 --> 00:20:02,066
Look at that lovely
alabaster skin.

334
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:05,102
No, I was pale 'cause I was
stuffed into that dress so tight

335
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,105
the blood couldn't
get to my head.

336
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:12,376
Of course, Dad's uniform is
perfect. Check out the sword.

337
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:15,980
That wasn't just
for show, you know.

338
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:18,748
What? You're gonna tell
me he cut the cake with it?

339
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:22,586
No, he used it to cut
me out of that dress.

340
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:28,058
[Randy] All right, Dad. Judges
are out front. Turn on your lights.

341
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,327
- Judges, you all ready?
- Ready.

342
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:33,263
- One, two, three.
- [switch clicks]

343
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,969
[♪ instrumental version
of<i> Joy to the World</i> plays]

344
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,809
- [music stops]
- Oh!

345
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:49,380
- [thudding]
- [glass breaking]

346
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,002
- Dad!
- [car alarms blaring]

347
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:53,583
Your Santa bounced
off three different cars.

348
00:20:53,685 --> 00:20:55,931
What did the judge
think of the lights?

349
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:58,889
We'll let you know when
he regains consciousness.

350
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:07,097
Christmas is over. Your wife might
have got you stuff you didn't want.

351
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,444
So, what do you do?

352
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:11,469
I say exchange them
for some how-to videos

353
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:14,004
from Binford's new
home video collection.

354
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,940
Like this one, our newest,<i>
Look Who's Caulking.</i>

355
00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:25,215
<i>[Tim] The most important thing when
caulking is to get a smooth, even seal.</i>

356
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:27,251
<i>I like to use a harbor seal.</i>

357
00:21:27,353 --> 00:21:29,753
<i>[Tim imitating seal]</i>

358
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:32,556
<i>- Right, Al?
- [Al] I don't think so, Tim.</i>

359
00:21:32,659 --> 00:21:35,793
<i>Concentrate on the work or
there could be an accident.</i>

360
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:39,996
<i>[Tim] Actually, there's
already been an accident.</i>

361
00:21:40,098 --> 00:21:41,732
<i>Mom!</i>

362
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:48,105
I never knew Detroit
had stop signs.

363
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:51,441
Those octagonal
red things? Yeah.

364
00:21:51,543 --> 00:21:53,911
Are those octagons?

365
00:21:56,082 --> 00:21:58,148
Just... are they octagonal?

366
00:21:58,251 --> 00:22:00,751
Well, I scared
myself with that word.

367
00:22:03,188 --> 00:22:05,823
I never knew Detroit
had stop signs.

368
00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:08,325
Ah. Those octagonal
red things. No.

369
00:22:10,696 --> 00:22:13,798
I never knew Detroit
had stop signs.

370
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:16,420
Those are those octagonal red...

370
00:22:17,305 --> 00:23:17,820
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