1 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:04,470 - Hi, Mom. - Hi. 2 00:00:04,571 --> 00:00:06,516 Wow! You're home late from work. 3 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,607 I stayed at the mall and did some shopping. 4 00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,708 You guys have no idea how lucky you are. 5 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,245 When I was your age, the closest thing to a mall 6 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:16,581 was a Walgreen's with a FotoMat in the parking lot. 7 00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:20,686 Man, between that and black-and-white TV, your life was a living hell! 8 00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,756 - So, what's in the bag? - Oh, that's my old shirt. 9 00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:28,593 Check out the new one I bought. You've never seen anything like it. 10 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,264 Actually, I think I have. 11 00:00:38,271 --> 00:00:40,606 [both] Oh, man! 12 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:48,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 13 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,989 - Hi, honey. - Oh, hi, sweetie. 14 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,991 Evening... 15 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:36,728 Evening, Humpty, Dumpty. 16 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,932 I guess you're wondering why we're both wearing this. 17 00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:44,970 No. I was wondering why anyone would wear that shirt. 18 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,407 Do you remember that investment property? 19 00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,776 Oh, the house on, uh, Grant or Shadeland? 20 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:56,181 Shadeland, right. They came down $2,000. I, um, I think they're ready to sell. 21 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:59,618 Do you think it's wise to tie up your money in a rental property? 22 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,788 The price is right. We're gonna fix it up, rent it out, then... 23 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:06,090 Why are we discussing our financial choices with you kids? 24 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:09,895 Two kids dressed like a pair of lava lamps. 25 00:02:12,133 --> 00:02:15,200 - You want to take a look one more time? - That's a good idea. 26 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:17,936 - Get the dishes, set the table. - What's for dinner? 27 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,705 Whatever Randy decides to make. 28 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,841 Hey, think pork. 29 00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,922 If that's the school uniform, I am not going to high school. 30 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,260 Welcome back to Tool Time on location. 31 00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:45,108 Thank you, Heidi. For those of you who just joined us, 32 00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:48,011 My wife and I bought this rental property as an investment. 33 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:51,937 We're gonna show you some tips and an economical way to make this a makeover. 34 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:55,774 Nothing brightens a room better than fresh paint. First thing... 35 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:04,215 We've just taken a tour of the kitchen where we're gonna have to retile. 36 00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,195 A lot of nice stuff in that kitchen. 37 00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:08,453 I can't believe how beautiful that vintage stove is. 38 00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:13,058 Oh, you're just excited. He found a 40-year-old French fry in that stove. 39 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,204 - Let's inspect the living room. - Right. 40 00:03:15,228 --> 00:03:18,530 And after that, Tim is gonna take a look at the den 41 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:21,144 while I figure out what to do in the bathroom. 42 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:24,636 You're just now figuring that out? 43 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,684 No. But I figured out why we're doing this show on renovation. 44 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:31,543 Once again, Tim gets all his work done for free. 45 00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:35,313 Wow! Mr. Cynical. I'm just here to do good work, OK? 46 00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:37,115 Any renter's gonna love these. 47 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:40,185 A fabulous addition to any home. Don't you think? 48 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:46,058 This is a tool show, not the Please Rent My House channel. 49 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:48,727 Mr. Snippy today, isn't he? 50 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:52,831 I think someone didn't get their hot links this morning. 51 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:56,668 These glass doorknobs are in great shape. I think they're a little loose. 52 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,871 My wife and I are gonna go in a different direction. 53 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,272 Upgrade them with brass fixtures. 54 00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:03,252 No! You can't get rid of these. 55 00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:06,912 This is part of the house's charm. I love these doorknobs. 56 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,848 Well, don't get too attached to them. They'll turn on you. 57 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:16,121 Next to fresh paint, replacing carpet is the quick way to update your place. 58 00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:18,023 I don't think so, Heidi. 59 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:22,227 Why re-carpet when the floors are a beautiful peg and groove? 60 00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,662 - [Heidi] Ooh! - A big plus for any renter. 61 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,699 You know, Al, I think you might be right. 62 00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,081 - Hi, guys. - Hi, Jill. 63 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:32,771 My business partner, my wife Jill. 64 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,639 You taping? I don't have makeup on! 65 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:37,075 Oh, you look fine. You look fine, honey. 66 00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:40,078 I'm gonna put the shower curtain in the bathroom, all right? 67 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:43,882 That's a beautiful pattern for a shower curtain, a big plus for any bathroom. 68 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,818 Once we get this fixed up, any renter's gonna love this house. 69 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,621 Yes, they will. In fact, I'll take it. 70 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:53,258 Thanks, Al. We'll be right back after these messages from Binford. 71 00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,462 OK, let's move to the den. Get that set up. 72 00:04:57,564 --> 00:05:00,165 I'm trying to rent this place. Don't joke around, OK? 73 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,912 I'm not joking. I really would like to rent this. 74 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,247 - What? - Oh, my God. 75 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,871 You'd be the perfect renter. 76 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,574 Do you want Al living right around the corner from us? 77 00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,643 We can carpool! Hey! 78 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:14,279 You're not helping your case, Al. 79 00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:17,860 I've been wanting to get out of that bachelor apartment for years! 80 00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:19,529 I would love living here! 81 00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,587 Al is clean. He's quiet. He'd be the perfect tenant. 82 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:25,023 I was Tenant of the Month 11 times last year. 83 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:28,993 - What do you think? - Please? 84 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:32,441 Don't beg, you look like those circus poodles. 85 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:34,565 [hums circus music] 86 00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:37,635 I don't know. Well, why not? 87 00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:41,072 Oh, yes! All right! Oh, I'm gonna love living here! 88 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,509 Look, I'll even have a coat closet! 89 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,446 Well, congratulations, Al. 90 00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:52,517 Oh! And with that big back yard, I'll finally be able to get a dog. 91 00:05:52,619 --> 00:05:54,552 Oh, I'm sorry. No pets. 92 00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:58,289 OK. But, boy, this is gonna be a nice place for mother to visit. 93 00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:01,059 Like I said... no pets. 94 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,863 I'm gonna pick up Samantha. We're going to the movies. 95 00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:10,301 Hey, um, Randy and Lauren are going to the movies, too. Can you take them? 96 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,970 Hey, Randy! 97 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,943 What are you doing? We agreed this was my shirt night. 98 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,612 Before Samantha told me this was her favorite shirt. 99 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,415 Lauren said this was her favorite shirt. 100 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:27,552 I don't want a girlfriend if I'm gonna have to wear that shirt. 101 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,555 Mark, it's not the clothes that matter. 102 00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:33,024 You'll be rejected based on who you are. 103 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,127 Brad, it's his turn to wear the shirt. It's only fair. 104 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:39,042 I've only got a year to wear this shirt before I grow out of it. 105 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,699 He's got the rest of his life. 106 00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:47,138 Yeah? And you have the rest of your life to learn math. 107 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,575 Hey, hey, hey! That is enough, guys! 108 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:54,412 We're just gonna flip a coin. Whoever loses takes the shirt back to the store. 109 00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:59,017 - Mark, give me a quarter. - You know, I'm gonna need that back. 110 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:02,399 All right, Brad. You're the oldest so you pick. 111 00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,155 - Tails. - Heads it is. You lose. 112 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,190 [yelling] 113 00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:10,429 Hey, and, uh, while you're up there, you might want to rethink the pants. 114 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:13,665 - Oh, finally I can get some work done. - [clears throat] 115 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,067 Aren't you forgetting something? 116 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:19,337 I love you. 117 00:07:20,374 --> 00:07:22,607 I know. I know. 118 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,046 There was a long line at that photocopy place. 119 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,781 I got the documents for our tenant. 120 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,494 Wait, this is what you had copied? 121 00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:32,917 Uh-huh. 122 00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:36,554 You're making Al sign, what is this, an 18-page lease? 123 00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,959 It's a business venture, honey. 124 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,494 I'm doing this to protect us and to protect Al. 125 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:48,767 Oh, I see. You are protecting your best friend by asking for references? 126 00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:53,171 You'll notice I gave him a glowing one. 127 00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:57,141 According to this sworn statement here, 128 00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:59,543 his apartment manager says 129 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:03,314 that he once neglected to clean out a lint trap. 130 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,084 Yep. 131 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:10,788 I had to grill that old lady six hours to get her to rat him out. 132 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:13,657 I can't believe it! You asked for Al's credit history? 133 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,204 You got it. Look back here. 134 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:19,764 1987, he bounced an $8 check at Cheese World. 135 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,601 Ah, here it is! 136 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:26,838 Captain Jerky's Meat-Curing Kit. [exhales] 137 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,773 [knocking] 138 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:30,741 Hey, Tim. It's open. 139 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,412 - Hey, Al. The place looks great. - [Al sighs] 140 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,015 I brought over your signed copy of the lease. 141 00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:40,685 Without a forklift? 142 00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:44,756 I can't believe you had me sign an 18-page lease. 143 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,825 You know, my last lease was two pages. Don't you trust me? 144 00:08:47,927 --> 00:08:50,495 Al, of course I trust you. 145 00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:54,332 I got one little addendum I want you to sign, though, right here. 146 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,801 There you go. 147 00:08:56,903 --> 00:08:58,769 [sighs] 148 00:08:59,772 --> 00:09:03,475 A "no gravy in the bedroom" clause? 149 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,921 As long as I'm here, anything else you need? 150 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,413 As a matter of fact, there is. You know what? 151 00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,915 The, uh, the sink in the kitchen here is leaking. 152 00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:14,686 And this window up here seems to be a little bit stuck. 153 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:17,956 Just get a washer for the faucet and put some silicone on there. 154 00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:20,525 Here you go. 155 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,604 Well, you see, I'm the tenant. 156 00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:26,497 And repairs would be the landlord's responsibility. 157 00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:29,901 Come on. Tenant, landlord... let's not get hung up on the labels, buddy. 158 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:32,915 Well, you want to go by the book, I'm going by the book. 159 00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:37,141 And according to section 12, paragraph seven, 160 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,978 uh, you "are responsible for all repairs 161 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,448 or I have someone do it and take it out of the rent." 162 00:09:47,954 --> 00:09:51,356 Buddy, buddy, buddy... 163 00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:55,793 Close examination of the spirit of this lease will inform you that that's... 164 00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:57,995 a sign for renters that are not handy. 165 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,631 You are very good with your hands. 166 00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:03,768 Speaking of which, here you go. Right there. 167 00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:07,938 All right. I will sign your addendum. 168 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,508 Good. Uh-huh. 169 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,610 Date it. 170 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,381 OK. 171 00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:20,085 Now you fix my house. 172 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,720 Come on. 173 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,102 You wouldn't be ashamed 174 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,790 to have someone else repair stuff you could do? 175 00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:29,527 Not in the least. 176 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,374 You really want me fixing this? 177 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:33,131 You wouldn't be my first choice. 178 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,566 But... 179 00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:37,479 I'll be right here behind you 180 00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:40,604 watching every move you make, "buddy!" 181 00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:46,543 Tim, you're using the wrong wrench on that faucet. 182 00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:52,183 [Tim] You ask me to fix your house. Now you don't trust me to do it right? 183 00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,718 [Tim grunts] 184 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:57,121 I didn't trust you before I asked you. 185 00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:06,597 Thanks to your credit checks, they don't trust me at Cheese World anymore. 186 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:24,182 Al, would you hand me the WD-40, please? 187 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:27,017 Sorry, landlord. No can do. 188 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:32,290 According to Public Act Number 42 of 1917, 189 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,826 that's not the tenant's responsibility. 190 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:38,229 [straining] OK, what is the tenant's responsibility? 191 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:43,501 I believe it's to pay the rent and not eat gravy in the bedroom. 192 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,072 [Al crunching] 193 00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:55,914 Al, are you gonna eat that apple the entire time I'm fixing the doorknob? 194 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:57,894 No. At the rate you're going, 195 00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,952 I'll be able to fit in two pears and a plum. 196 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,121 After you've fixed this door, 197 00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:07,591 I want you to take a look at the, uh, chimney here. 198 00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:10,895 Al, I don't have time for this. A lot of this stuff you could do. 199 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:14,832 You're right. And for $200 an hour, I would love to. 200 00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:17,635 You'd charge me for this? 201 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,971 I'm just exercising my tenant's rights. 202 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:23,441 This really isn't working out. 203 00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:25,910 Maybe you should find some other place to live. 204 00:12:26,012 --> 00:12:27,790 What? Are you throwing me out? 205 00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:30,748 - No. - Good. Because you can't evict me. 206 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:33,684 - Oh, yes, I can. - No, you can't. 207 00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:36,065 - Yes, I can. - No, you can't. I'll sue you. 208 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:37,489 I have an ironclad lease! 209 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:42,293 That won't hold up in a court of law. I know. I wrote it. 210 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:51,635 I don't believe this! You told Al that you want to evict him? 211 00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:55,472 That's right. Because he's the tenant from hell all of a sudden. 212 00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:59,243 He's chasing me around the house making me do everything by the law. 213 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,225 Well... [scoffs] What about you? 214 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,125 I mean, you've done everything to him 215 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,549 short of running fingerprints on him. 216 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,621 No! You did not! 217 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,023 It may have been a computer error, 218 00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,928 but I think he's wanted in Texas on mail fraud charges. 219 00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,730 Oh, Tim! 220 00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:22,633 I mean, it took him all his courage, you know, 221 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,679 to get out of that cramped apartment. 222 00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:27,783 Then kick him out on the street. How could you do that to poor Al? 223 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:31,942 Poor Al, my foot. How about poor me? He wants to sue me. 224 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:35,647 And that bonehead would probably take this right to the Supreme Court. 225 00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:39,951 You won't stand a chance. Sandra Day O'Connor's gonna love Al. 226 00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,589 Gidget? 227 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,436 Have you thought about any of the ramifications of this? 228 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:51,128 I mean, you two work together. What's gonna happen to your friendship? 229 00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:54,164 That will be for the courts to decide, honey. 230 00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:56,311 You're not going to work this out? 231 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,003 No. Because even if I did, 232 00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:02,773 I run the risk of Al forcing me to snake out his toilets. 233 00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,409 And that's a risk I'm not willing to take. 234 00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:10,014 If you're not gonna talk to him, then I'm gonna do it for you. 235 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,083 Oh, good. Good luck. 236 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,451 Go over there and talk, 237 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,620 you'll end up sucking asbestos out of his attic. 238 00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,059 [clunking] 239 00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:30,702 Wilson, if you need firewood, I got plenty here. 240 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,637 You don't have to chop down your house. 241 00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:36,306 No, no, no, Tim. I'm just knocking down some icicles. 242 00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,309 One of my favorite things, 243 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,524 right up there with spreading steer manure 244 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,081 on a hot summer day. 245 00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,884 I'd rather spread steer manure than be Al's landlord. 246 00:14:46,986 --> 00:14:51,189 Really? I would've thought Al would've been the perfect tenant. 247 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:55,159 That's why I gave him such an enthusiastic reference. 248 00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,895 - Maybe I went a little bit overboard. - [chuckles] 249 00:14:57,997 --> 00:15:01,966 You're the only one that quoted Shakespeare on a rental application. 250 00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:05,509 So, you're saying objectively 251 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:10,374 that the person at fault is the lessee as opposed to the lessor. 252 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,780 More or less. 253 00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:17,615 Well, so what happened? 254 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,917 We're just disagreeing over the lease. 255 00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:21,919 So, I'm... I'm gonna have to evict him. 256 00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:25,167 Well, Tim, I'm shocked that you would evict your best friend. 257 00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:28,203 I'm more shocked that you would make him sign a lease. 258 00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:29,960 I'm new at the landlord thing. 259 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:32,029 I'm trying to do everything businesslike. 260 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,265 Tim, let me ask, if I was renting from you, 261 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,687 would you make me sign a lease? 262 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,404 Well... yeah. 263 00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:43,641 Probably let you skip the... the fingerprinting and the blood samples. 264 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,447 Tim, a landlord doesn't have to do that. 265 00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,183 They don't have to do that. When I do something new, 266 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,717 I like to go at it full strength! 267 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,299 Like the time you brought home the riding mower. 268 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,823 I didn't have to put 120 horsepower in that thing. 269 00:15:58,925 --> 00:16:01,359 I did 'cause there's nothing better than adding... 270 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:04,528 - [Wilson] More power. - [grunting] 271 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:07,310 There's a difference between powering up a lawnmower 272 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,814 and lording it over your best friend. 273 00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:12,337 You know, Henry Adams the historian said, 274 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:16,607 "A friend in power is a friend lost." 275 00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:19,377 I might've got a bit crazy on that. 276 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:23,414 Twenty-one clauses and that thorough investigation. 277 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,284 Well, what did you gain from that? 278 00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:29,453 Well, I lost my first tenant, my best friend. 279 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,389 I've got a huge photocopy bill. 280 00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:37,295 But they carved a head of me up there at Cheese World. They set it out. 281 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:42,700 [knocking] 282 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,839 - Hi, Al. - Hi, Jill. 283 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,875 Can I come in? 284 00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:56,586 It's your house. You can do whatever you want to. 285 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,884 I brought you a housewarming gift. 286 00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:05,022 Why would you do that? Your husband is trying to evict me. 287 00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,857 Well, I think he's totally out of line. 288 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,839 You really think that? Oh, I'm so glad you think that! 289 00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,428 Thank you! Oh! 290 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,610 And that is why I'm going to fight him to the death on this. 291 00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:18,268 You know, he may have his money and his... his big-city lawyers, 292 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,905 but I have the sword of justice on my side. 293 00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,441 Jerky? 294 00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:29,079 No. No, thank you. Al, this doesn't have to end up in the courts. 295 00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:32,527 I mean, you and Tim just have to come to your senses. 296 00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:34,185 Tim? [scoffs] 297 00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:39,690 The man who has federal marshals hounding me about some mail fraud rap? 298 00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:44,194 Well, we all know that Tim has a tendency to go overboard. 299 00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:46,464 Yeah. Well, when he goes overboard with me... 300 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:51,635 he turns the whole ship upside-down. And I'm left holding onto my dinghy. 301 00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:01,646 Well, it's just... you know, he... he takes advantage of me. 302 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,628 - [Jill] I know. - It makes me so mad! 303 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:07,484 - I just... I sink to his level! - OK. What do you mean by that? 304 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,386 Well, I... 305 00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:12,323 First, Tim makes me sign this ridiculous lease. 306 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:15,359 And then when I ask him to abide by the lease 307 00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:18,061 and fix some things around the house, he resists. 308 00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:21,998 And that... you know, I retaliate by... by finding more things for him to fix. 309 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,102 - Well, that's understandable. - It gets worse than that. 310 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:26,937 Because once he fixed everything, I... 311 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:30,174 I started breaking new things on purpose. 312 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,944 - You broke things? - Yeah. 313 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,580 That's sick. 314 00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:39,002 It's also really, really funny. 315 00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:44,065 You know, I've done similar things to him for different reasons. 316 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:45,600 - You have? - This one time, 317 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,259 I was really overwhelmed with schoolwork. 318 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:51,673 He kept pestering me about remodeling a bathroom or something. 319 00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,531 So, I snuck out to the garage and... 320 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,873 I... I squirted some motor oil 321 00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,081 under the engine of his Mustang. 322 00:18:59,105 --> 00:19:01,472 It kept him out of my hair for days. 323 00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:03,940 That's brilliant! 324 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,187 This other time, 325 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:07,811 I painted chicken pox on Mark's face 326 00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:10,714 so I wouldn't have to go to a tractor pull. 327 00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:14,285 This is a side of you I never knew existed! 328 00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,554 - Yeah. I'm devious. - Yeah, you are. You're very devious. 329 00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,891 - [Al snorts] - [knocking] 330 00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:23,761 - What's so funny? - [both] Nothing. 331 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,298 You guys are laughing over this lease? 332 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,002 I've been giving a lot of thought about this landlord/tenant thing. 333 00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:33,403 And we gotta work this out. 334 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:36,073 - You think so? - Yeah. I don't want you out... 335 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,675 Well, you guys obviously have to talk. 336 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,023 - No, we don't. I was done. I'm done. - Bye! 337 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,325 - That was it. I don't have to talk. - Oh, no, no. 338 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:47,151 She's right. We have some issues we have to discuss. 339 00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:50,187 I say we just let bygones be bygones and start over. 340 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,767 - How about that? - Oh, no. 341 00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,358 It goes much deeper than that, you know? 342 00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,172 This affects the very fabric of our relationship. 343 00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:00,564 This is like talking to Jill with a beard. 344 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,241 Now, Tim, I... 345 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,347 You know, I have some things to admit. 346 00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:09,673 I have been childish and petty and unreasonable throughout all of this. 347 00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:11,475 - I have a confession. - Good. 348 00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:14,278 You're absolutely right. 349 00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:17,881 Well, obviously, you're not ready to talk about these things. 350 00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:21,619 Well, what the hey, you know? You made the gesture and came over here. 351 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:24,321 And I admitted I was petty and childish. 352 00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:27,625 And you made the gesture and came over here. And... 353 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:31,495 - And see you, Al. - Apology accepted. 354 00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:34,498 Uh, the truth is, Al, you know me. 355 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,234 When I start something new, I tend to go a little crazy. 356 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:39,648 It always affects the people closest to me first. 357 00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,939 And the truth is you're a responsible guy. 358 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:47,745 And you can... you can live here without the lease. 359 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,080 - [Al] Uh... - Al, don't say another word. 360 00:20:50,182 --> 00:20:54,084 Without the lease. Forget about it. The lease is gone. Bye-bye. See you later. 361 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:57,221 - [Tim laughs] - Well, thank you, Tim. 362 00:20:57,323 --> 00:21:00,358 That was actually my life insurance policy. 363 00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:09,933 Well, here it is. The new shirt. 364 00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:19,309 Congratulations, Brad. I... I know I have never seen anything like that. 365 00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:22,979 Now, you're not gonna go out and buy one of these. 366 00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:26,617 Oh, you actually paid money for that? 367 00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:30,120 Looks like you peeled it off a dead clown. 368 00:21:32,391 --> 00:21:34,991 Look who I brought home for dinner, everybody. 369 00:21:35,094 --> 00:21:36,839 - [Jill] Ah! - Hi, Jill. Hey, Mark. 370 00:21:36,863 --> 00:21:39,964 - Hey, Al. - Ooh, nice shirt. 371 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:45,135 - You like it? I just got it. - Yeah. Well, me too! 372 00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:50,307 All right! 373 00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:54,545 Forget about it. You don't need this lease. 374 00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:58,015 No, no, no, no, no... 375 00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:02,886 There we go. OK. 376 00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:11,194 He may have his money and his big-city lawyers, 377 00:22:11,296 --> 00:22:14,332 but I have the sword of justice in my side. 378 00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:17,267 - Is it in your side? - It's right here. 378 00:22:18,305 --> 00:23:18,552 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/8fz4r Help other users to choose the best subtitles