1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:06,438
Hi. And welcome back
to our Tool Time salute...
2
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:07,540
[swish]
3
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:10,376
[crowd] Ohhhhhh!
4
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,710
[plop in water sound]
5
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,213
to golf.
6
00:00:14,314 --> 00:00:17,482
Let's get to it. We have
a very special guest.
7
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:20,885
That's right. He's number eight in
all-time earnings on the PGA tour.
8
00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:23,066
He's in town at the Golf Expo.
9
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,623
Let's give a warm Tool Time
welcome to Payne Stewart.
10
00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:28,593
[applause]
11
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:39,871
Thanks for making time to
be on the show. You know...
12
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:43,675
You'd think with the kind
of cash you're pulling down,
13
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:46,611
you could afford the
rest of those trousers.
14
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:51,383
Tim, when you're in the public
eye, you have to have a trademark.
15
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:56,922
With me, it's knickers. With
you, it's burns and abrasions.
16
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,093
Well, Mr. Stewart,
first things first.
17
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,262
How does one go about
choosing the right driver?
18
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:07,098
- Well, it depends
on your ability.
- OK.
19
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,502
- Now, what's your handicap, Al?
- Tim.
20
00:01:11,671 --> 00:01:13,005
Actually, it's 16.
21
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:16,908
Then along with a few lessons,
you'll want a driver like this.
22
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:20,345
- With an expanded sweet spot.
- All right.
23
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,087
Tim, what's your handicap?
24
00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:24,850
Payne, Payne, Payne...
25
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:29,187
What's a handicap? I think golf is
more of a Zen-like, jujitsu type of thing.
26
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:31,789
His handicap is 35.
27
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:33,959
You guys think you're so good?
28
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:37,963
Why don't we take a shot at my golf
simulator and have a driving contest?
29
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:39,364
Klaus!
30
00:01:40,867 --> 00:01:44,035
Now, the way that this machine
works is there are sensors in the pad
31
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:47,639
which measure the velocity
and the striking angle of the club.
32
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,308
The vector and the
velocity is then measured...
33
00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:53,411
Al, shut up and shoot
the thing, will you?
34
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,047
Vector velocities.
35
00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:02,487
[whacking]
36
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:05,390
[ball plops]
37
00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:11,062
[computer] Ninety-five
yards. Nice shot, miss.
38
00:02:14,567 --> 00:02:17,335
All right, Payne.
Let's see what you got.
39
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,871
See what we can
come up with here.
40
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:27,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
41
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:33,518
[computer] Two
hundred-ninety-n yards. Nice drive.
42
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:36,955
Wow. That was a great drive.
Well, I guess this contest is over.
43
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:41,126
Not so fast. Heidi, why
don't we bring out my driver?
44
00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:45,430
- Here you are, Tim.
- Thank you, Heidi.
45
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:48,232
- And what would this be?
- I know what this is.
46
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:52,470
This is a special driver designed for
senior citizens to get more distance.
47
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:58,043
They don't even have to swing it
because it's got 25 caliber charge in it.
48
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,946
Not anymore.
49
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,884
I bored it out to a 44 magnum.
50
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:09,655
- That's cheating.
- Welcome to my world.
51
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,424
Stand back, guys.
52
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,659
All right.
53
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:16,862
Fire in the hole.
54
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,363
[whirring]
55
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:23,835
[Theme from 2001: A
Space Odyssey playing]
56
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:35,346
[computer] You the man.
57
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,184
Where are you
going in that shirt?
58
00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:37,175
Well, it's happy
hour at The Tiki Hut.
59
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:42,680
You gotta get there by five o'clock,
or the pupu platter is picked clean.
60
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:47,619
Do you actually meet women there?
Or just go there to pig out on pupu?
61
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,888
Well, I haven't met anyone yet.
62
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:53,091
But I'm forming a social network
of people with similar interests.
63
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:57,129
People who eat dinner off toothpicks
in the middle of the afternoon.
64
00:04:57,231 --> 00:05:00,299
It's a lot of fun. Why don't
you join me for a drink?
65
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:03,334
I'd like to. You know
how I love fresh pupu.
66
00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:07,539
But Jill's got the flu and I'm stopping
by the pharmacy to pick up medication.
67
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,840
Anything you suggest?
68
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:10,775
These days I'm
strictly homeopathic.
69
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:13,210
No wonder you're not
meeting any women.
70
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:18,049
If that's how you feel, fine.
71
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,752
Goodnight, Al. Goodnight, Tim.
72
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:24,289
- Heidi, is anything wrong?
- No, nothing.
73
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:25,790
Are you sure?
74
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,927
Well, actually, Scott
and I have separated.
75
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,862
He moved out a couple weeks ago.
76
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:36,634
Heidi, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you
say something about this before?
77
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:39,837
Because I didn't want to bring
my personal problems to work.
78
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:41,473
Why not?
79
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:45,076
Because you said, "Don't ever
bring your personal problems to work."
80
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,512
Since when do you listen to me?
81
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:50,415
Since you said, "I had
better start listening to you."
82
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,351
Nice going, Mr. Compassion.
83
00:05:53,453 --> 00:05:55,853
I might need a little
time off from the show.
84
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,022
- Take as much as you need.
- Thanks.
85
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:01,826
I gotta go drop off Amy at
Scott's. He's got her this week.
86
00:06:01,928 --> 00:06:04,796
We can't leave Heidi
alone when she's this upset.
87
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,531
Take her to the Tiki Hut.
88
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:11,569
Well, nothing raises one's
spirits like a fistful of pot stickers.
89
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:14,472
She doesn't need food. She
needs a shoulder to cry on, OK?
90
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:18,476
Well, I'm not exactly an
expert on relationships, Tim.
91
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:24,182
But you're a good friend and you're a
good listener. Come on, do it for Heidi.
92
00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:27,084
- Do it for the show.
- For the show?
93
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:32,257
If she's too upset to come back, you'll
have to squeeze into one of the skirts.
94
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:41,400
- Here you go, Mom.
- Oh, thank you, sweetie.
95
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,269
What are you doing with
all these mail-order catalogs?
96
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:47,439
Now that I'm sick, I finally
have time to look through them.
97
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:48,685
You gotta see this.
98
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:52,310
"The World's Best
Earwax Removal System".
99
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:59,451
And if you act now, they'll toss in
"The World's Best Bunion Scraper".
100
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,852
All right, off we go.
101
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:04,222
Yeah. We're going to the
mall to pick up some CD's.
102
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,425
[snortling, blowing]
103
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:12,363
You know what? I'll go with you.
104
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:15,033
Wait a minute. You don't
have to go anywhere.
105
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:18,570
I've got a music catalog that'll
save you money. Look at this.
106
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,739
Fifteen CD's for a penny.
107
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:27,044
Well, it sounds great.
But who's Pat Boone?
108
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:29,480
- We'll be home before dinner.
- OK.
109
00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:31,916
- Hey, guys.
- Hello, Dad.
110
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,486
Well, honey, how
are you feeling?
111
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:38,890
- How do I look?
- [groans]
112
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,570
[Jill] That's what I thought.
113
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,394
- Help is on the way. Look what I got.
- Oh.
114
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:48,032
Ibuprofen. I got antihistamines.
I got decongestants, analgesics.
115
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,670
I got daytime decongestant.
I've got nighttime decongestant.
116
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:56,808
You take two of everything here and that
flu'll be out of your system in an hour.
117
00:07:56,910 --> 00:08:00,846
If I take two of everything
here, I'll be dead in an hour.
118
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:04,683
Think it'll take the whole hour?
119
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:09,154
- So, how was work today?
- Not so good.
120
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,222
Heidi's marriage is in trouble.
121
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,924
What?
122
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,759
Yeah. She and
Scott are separated.
123
00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:16,606
Oh, my God. That's terrible.
124
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:19,296
Apparently, it hasn't
been good for quite a while.
125
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:24,168
Oh, no. I have to call her. She
probably wants a woman to talk to.
126
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,938
It's all taken care of.
She's having dinner with Al.
127
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:32,377
That's a good question. The show's
about to begin. Enjoy yourselves.
128
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:33,999
- Heidi?
- Hi, Tim.
129
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,825
I thought you needed time off.
130
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,983
I did, too. But then
I had dinner with Al.
131
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:41,919
- He put everything in perspective.
- You and Scott getting back together?
132
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,689
I don't know. But I've
made it over this first hurdle.
133
00:08:44,791 --> 00:08:47,292
Al really helped me get
in touch with my rage.
134
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,662
Hm. No one brings
out rage better than Al.
135
00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:51,896
[chuckles]
136
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,804
- Good morning, Tim.
- Hi, Al.
137
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:03,541
I don't know what you talked about
with Heidi. But it did a lot of good.
138
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:07,546
[sighs] Well, last night was pretty
incredible for me, too, you know.
139
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:13,083
We talked about everything from the
weather to intimate details of her life.
140
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:17,355
Forget the weather.
How about the other stuff?
141
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:22,093
Well, basically, you know, after Amy
was born, Heidi didn't feel very sexual.
142
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:25,796
Scott wasn't understanding and
that turned Heidi off to sex even more.
143
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,967
- So they're not... uh...
- No. No. Not for a while.
144
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:32,003
Huh. But before the
baby, Oh, my God!
145
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:34,372
What? What?
146
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:38,176
Well, I've already said too much. I
don't want to betray Heidi's confidence.
147
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:41,412
- I can respect that.
- OK.
148
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:46,484
Now, I could guess some things.
If I'm real close, you could just nod.
149
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,797
[Heidi] Everybody
know what time it is?
150
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,655
Tool Time!
151
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:54,559
That's right. Binford Tools is proud
to present Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor
152
00:09:54,661 --> 00:10:00,065
and Al "The most sensitive guy
in the world" Borland! Woo-hoo!
153
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,534
[applause]
154
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,174
- [humming]
- [Jill] Good morning.
155
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:12,577
Good morning. Wait
a minute. Hold on.
156
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:14,912
Something's
different. Let me guess.
157
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:18,983
You did something
with your hair, didn't you?
158
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:24,422
It's a sinus mask. OK? But if it
doesn't work, it's totally returnable.
159
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:28,759
I'd love to be the second
owner of that thing.
160
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:32,664
Before you waste more money, Al's
got a bunch of homoerotic remedies.
161
00:10:32,766 --> 00:10:33,965
Why don't I call him?
162
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:37,068
Speaking of work,
how's Heidi doing?
163
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:41,105
Very well, thanks to Al. And he's
really taking care of her problems.
164
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,675
Heidi must be grateful
to have a friend like Al.
165
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,210
[phone ringing]
166
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:49,247
Stay in the shower, Al. I got it.
Good morning. Borland residence.
167
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:52,783
Uh, wrong number. Bye-bye.
168
00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:59,890
- [Al] Who was it?
- It sounded like one
of the Muppets.
169
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,694
Is something wrong?
170
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:06,898
Heidi just answered the phone at
Al's house at 7:30 in the morning.
171
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:11,803
She must've spent the
night there. Now I feel sick.
172
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:19,677
Oh, God. Oh, God.
173
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:24,983
[exhaling] I've got this
image of Al and Heidi.
174
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,852
Get out of my head!
Get out of my head!
175
00:11:27,954 --> 00:11:32,289
Heidi did not sleep with Al. First
of all, she's a married woman.
176
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:35,526
And second of all, she, she
wouldn't go for a guy like Al.
177
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:37,606
Her husband is
tall and handsome.
178
00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:42,766
I mean, he spends more time at the
gym than Al does at Hickory Farms.
179
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,869
Honey, I'm not saying
that it happened.
180
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:48,973
But I could understand how a woman
like Heidi could fall for a guy like Al.
181
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:50,608
In what universe?
182
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,978
Women like Heidi have
had the gorgeous hunks.
183
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:58,716
The second time around, they want
somebody less exciting, more dependable.
184
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:02,687
Me... I went for
number two first.
185
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:06,390
You don't understand.
You do not understand.
186
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:09,160
Al is like a dependable
four-door Rambler...
187
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,830
and Heidi like
twelve-cylinder Ferrari.
188
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:14,966
They don't belong
in the same garage.
189
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,336
And yet she parked
overnight there.
190
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,538
Nothing happened!
191
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,507
But I won't rest until I
find out what's going on.
192
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:27,845
Oh, Tim. Look, even if they
were parked in the same garage,
193
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,848
you are not their mechanic.
You're just being petty.
194
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,583
Oh, I'm being petty?
195
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:37,721
Yeah. Why should you be the only
one with an incredibly desirable woman?
196
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:43,061
- Hi, Al.
- Hey.
197
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:46,897
Hey, would you help me put my
tool belt on? I just touched up my nails.
198
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,668
- Okey-dokey. [chuckles]
- Thank you.
199
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,171
[both chuckling]
200
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,973
- Hey.
- Yeah?
201
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:59,643
I just want to tell you how wonderful
it's been for me these past few days.
202
00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:05,716
Well, it's been pretty
incredible for me, too.
203
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,585
You're really a special lady.
204
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:10,088
Thanks. You have a good show.
205
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:13,358
- You, too.
- OK.
206
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,826
- Morning, Tim.
- [chuckles] Is it?
207
00:13:15,928 --> 00:13:18,429
[Al whistling]
208
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,700
Hey! How are you buddy?
209
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,869
Good.
210
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:28,772
You know, I, uh, called your house this
morning and Heidi answered the phone.
211
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:32,576
- So, you're Kermit?
- [imitating Kermit the Frog] Maybe.
212
00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,178
Uh-huh.
213
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,747
Well, anyway, Jill
and I got to talking
214
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:40,118
and we were thinking that
maybe you and Heidi were...
215
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,852
What?
216
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,387
You know.
217
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:46,757
Even though I told her that a
Rambler couldn't jump-start a Ferrari.
218
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,425
But, you know...
219
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,968
So what you're saying is
that it would be impossible
220
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:55,166
for Heidi to be
interested in Al?
221
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:58,970
No. I don't believe it. But
other people are talking.
222
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:02,340
Well, those other people
can think what they want.
223
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:06,044
Amen. Amen.
224
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,747
[clearing throat]
225
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:14,452
But, uh, would those other people
be right or would they be wrong?
226
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:18,956
Well, Tim, are you asking me to
talk about my personal life at work?
227
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:22,793
Yes. I think it's about time we
opened up and shared our experiences.
228
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:28,399
OK. I, uh, I actually have
something I'd like to share.
229
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,501
Let it go. Don't
hold anything back.
230
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:32,570
The truth is, Heidi and I...
231
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,505
Yeah? Yeah?
232
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:38,976
[imitating Kermit] are
entitled to our privacy.
233
00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:45,215
[whirrs]
234
00:14:46,753 --> 00:14:49,820
There's 40 bucks well spent.
235
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:55,058
Hey, this happens to be the
world's best tissue disposer.
236
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:59,096
It shreds, decontaminates,
and deodorizes.
237
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,998
[whirrs]
238
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:06,070
I wonder if it would
work on your meatloaf.
239
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,008
I'll be back in about
an hour. All right?
240
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,386
Where are you going?
241
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,778
I'm gonna go over to Al's
house and do some repairs.
242
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,947
Dad, it's ten o'clock at night.
243
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,760
I'm a conscientious
landlord, son.
244
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:22,954
The same landlord who said, "Al,
do you really need heat in February?"
245
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:29,093
What are you gonna
fix with these binoculars?
246
00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:32,697
That is such an insulting question
I'm not even gonna answer it.
247
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:35,666
You have sunk this low.
You're gonna go spy on poor Al.
248
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,435
I just don't want him hurt.
I'm gonna need those back.
249
00:15:38,538 --> 00:15:40,949
No. Forget about it.
You're not going there.
250
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,274
There's nothing wrong
with being curious.
251
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:45,320
You are not curious;
you're obsessed.
252
00:15:45,344 --> 00:15:46,744
I'm not obsessed.
253
00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:49,680
Last night you cried out
their names in your sleep.
254
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,384
And after that I just cried.
255
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:57,321
It's torture having this
image filling up my brain.
256
00:15:57,423 --> 00:16:00,958
Especially with space
at such a premium.
257
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,132
[sniffing]
258
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:12,102
Ooh. Something smells good out
here, Wilson. What are you doing?
259
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,540
[Wilson] I'm boiling up some sap
for the Michigan Maple Festival.
260
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:19,310
Speaking of saps, wait till
you hear what Al's been doing.
261
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,613
[Wilson] You don't have to
tell me. I've heard all about it.
262
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:23,848
What?
263
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:26,517
What Al told me is
in strictest confidence.
264
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,653
- Well, you know, Wilson...
- [Wilson] Mm-hm?
265
00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:32,290
I could get you a riding
mower from Binford.
266
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:35,226
Sixteen-horse rear-bagger
for cost plus ten.
267
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,874
[Wilson chuckling] Sorry,
neighbor. I can't be bought.
268
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,497
Why would Al tell
you and not me?
269
00:16:40,599 --> 00:16:45,769
Well, maybe because I didn't
search his locker for long brown hairs.
270
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:50,607
Which, according to the lab, either
belonged to a collie or Al's mother.
271
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,646
Tim, why are you so interested
in Al and Heidi's personal life?
272
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:59,349
I don't know. I've never cared
about Al's personal life before.
273
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:03,387
And I've never asked Heidi about hers.
But you put the two of them together...
274
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:06,791
[straining] There's
that image again.
275
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:10,606
[Wilson] Tim, have you ever heard
of the term "cognitive dissonance?"
276
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,697
You know I'm not into politics.
277
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:17,468
Cognitive dissonance is when pieces
of our lives no longer make sense.
278
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:22,506
Beliefs we always held true seem to be
false so we reorder our way of thinking.
279
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:25,376
[chuckling]
280
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:29,146
Are you saying a Rambler could
hook bumpers with a Ferrari?
281
00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,048
It's very possible.
282
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:35,119
No, no. If what you say is true
then everything I believe is false.
283
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:39,824
- Now, Tim. That's not necessarily...
- Let me go with this for a minute. OK?
284
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:43,293
This means that maybe cars aren't
the most important thing in the world.
285
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:44,995
- Ohh...
- No, wait a minute.
286
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:47,665
[stammering] Opera's
more manly than football?
287
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:50,901
- Neighbor...
- Al's mother is thin?
288
00:17:52,839 --> 00:17:56,774
Tim, it's not easy to change one's
perceptions. But it can be very healthy.
289
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,310
Some people might say
it's a growth experience.
290
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:01,179
OK, Wilson. How
far does this go?
291
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,548
How do I really know you
are who I think you are?
292
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:07,084
- How do I know you're who I think?
- How do I know you said that?
293
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,720
- How do I know you heard?
- How do I know you're here?
294
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:14,892
Who else would have the time to come
out and listen to this silly conversation?
295
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:19,897
Hey, Al. Can I talk
to you for a minute?
296
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,765
I don't think so.
297
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:25,769
I'm not gonna feed your appetite
for lurid gossip and tawdry innuendo.
298
00:18:25,871 --> 00:18:30,674
And, by the way, I installed
an alarm on my locker.
299
00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:34,645
I shouldn't have gotten
involved in your personal life.
300
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,581
From now on, your business
is your business, all right?
301
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,817
Well, I appreciate that.
302
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:43,821
If there's any other part of my life you
want to talk about, I'm an open book.
303
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,290
I'm not much of
a reader. Thanks.
304
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:48,359
- Have a good show.
- OK.
305
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:51,228
- Good morning, Al.
- How are ya?
306
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:54,898
- Oh, I feel so great this morning.
- Oh, I feel pretty great myself.
307
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,146
How about Sorentino's
for dinner tonight?
308
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,530
All week long it's
"Fettuccine Madness"!
309
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:01,972
- I'm afraid I can't make it.
- Why not?
310
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:07,178
Well, thanks to the things
you said, I saw Scott last night.
311
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,648
And we're gonna get back
together. Isn't that great?
312
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:15,619
Oh, that's so great! Yes,
that's... Good for you!
313
00:19:15,721 --> 00:19:18,489
- Thanks. I got you a something.
- You didn't have to do that.
314
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,124
- I wanted to. Here.
- Oh, thank you.
315
00:19:21,226 --> 00:19:25,396
I also want to thank you for
letting me sleep on your hide-a-bed.
316
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,198
Well, now I call
it the Heidi-bed.
317
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:31,368
[chuckling] Good.
318
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:34,171
Oh, it's The Tiki Hut Cookbook!
319
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,408
- Do you like it?
- I love this!
320
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,053
Now I can make pupu at home.
321
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:41,712
[both laughing]
322
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:45,882
Hey, Al. Thank
you for everything.
323
00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:48,485
Oh, well...
324
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:53,290
Uh, Heidi... Uh... can I just
talk to you about one thing?
325
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,691
Sure. What?
326
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:58,429
Well, after that night
you stayed at my house,
327
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:04,268
Tim got this crazy idea that,
that you and I might have...
328
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:05,936
How do I say this?
329
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,607
- Slept together.
- Yeah. OK. Yeah, that's it.
330
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:12,376
And he thought
that was impossible
331
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:15,179
because he doesn't think
a beautiful woman like you
332
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:18,982
could ever be interested
in, in a guy like me.
333
00:20:19,084 --> 00:20:20,584
Oh, is that so?
334
00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:22,986
Well, let me tell
you something, Al.
335
00:20:23,088 --> 00:20:28,458
If I weren't married, you're exactly
the type of guy I'd be looking for.
336
00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:38,135
Thank you. I wish, I wish
Tim could hear you say that.
337
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:43,040
You know, I don't think Tim
really needs to hear anything.
338
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:55,286
- Howdy, Wilson.
- [Wilson] Hidy-ho.
339
00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:58,121
Not hidy-ho.
Let's talk Heidi-Al.
340
00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:01,425
Tim, are you still
obsessing about that?
341
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:04,362
Well, I wasn't until today
when I saw Heidi kissing Al.
342
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:07,498
And no peck on the cheek.
She just drove it home.
343
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:09,566
- Tim.
- Yeah?
344
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:11,868
Get a hobby.
345
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,083
Good-night.
346
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,841
I think you're right about
what you said yesterday.
347
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:21,245
Nothing's right with me. I think I am
suffering from communist discotheque.
348
00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:24,559
Tim, can we chat about this
tomorrow? I am a little busy.
349
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:29,219
[Athene] Wilson, where do you keep
a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover?
350
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,456
I gotta get some new friends.
351
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:39,341
You'd think with all the
money you pull down
352
00:21:39,365 --> 00:21:43,267
you could afford the rest
of those pantaloonies...
353
00:21:43,369 --> 00:21:46,537
- [beeping]
- You'd think with the
money you make...
354
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,750
I have... I have... I have...
355
00:21:48,774 --> 00:21:52,209
I have to say the word
"culottes" just once.
356
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:56,847
You don't want to be the only
one with a desirable woman.
356
00:21:57,305 --> 00:22:57,360
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today