1 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:04,670 - Does everybody know what time it is? - Tool Time! 2 00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:07,606 That's right. Binford Tools is proud to present... 3 00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,208 Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor! 4 00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:12,544 [applause] 5 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:20,218 Thank you. Thank you, everybody. 6 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:25,023 Welcome to Tool Time. I am Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. 7 00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:29,561 And you all know my assistant, Hugh Hefty. 8 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:34,299 All week long we've been showing you things that make men's lives easier. 9 00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:38,670 Yesterday it was wives with laryngitis. 10 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:43,341 But today it's our Tool Time salute... 11 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,376 [both] To remote control. 12 00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:48,814 The first television remote was connected to the TV with a wire. 13 00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:51,650 - It was invented in 1950. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 14 00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:54,553 Al, my dad had a wireless remote control 15 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:56,789 that was voice-activated in 1950. 16 00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,356 Tim, that's impossible. 17 00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:01,159 No, it's not. It was called Mom. 18 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:06,464 Ladies, write to Tim Taylor, care of Tool Time, PO Box 327... 19 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:09,334 A lot of popular toys these days are remote control, 20 00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:13,271 cars, boats, planes, even submarines, but here's my favorite one here. 21 00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:16,542 - What would that be? - The company calls it a flying saucer. 22 00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,821 It looks more like a blimp to me. 23 00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:23,048 I can't believe you'd be interested in this. It's quiet, simple, slow. 24 00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:25,416 Just like you, Al. 25 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:30,589 I've installed a little spy camera on it. Watch this. 26 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:39,831 Hey, what do you think this is, the teachers' lounge? Put out that butt. 27 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,471 Oh, the humanity! 28 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,420 Can we get back to the show now? 29 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:53,712 We wouldn't want to muddy up the show with entertainment. 30 00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,448 OK, now we get to the ultimate in remote control. 31 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,485 - What would that be? - It's called virtual reality. 32 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:02,921 You become the remote control. You become part of the action. 33 00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:06,291 - What kind of action? - You name it. Car racing, football... 34 00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:10,495 How about basketball? How would you like to go one-on-one with Grant Hill? 35 00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:12,697 - That would be great! - Slip these on. 36 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,201 These are virtual-reality optical sensing devices. 37 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:18,703 The circuitry must be incredibly small. 38 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,706 They look like regular sunglasses. 39 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:30,782 Now, slip your hand into this. This is a tactile sensory device. 40 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:35,887 Well, this looks just like the work glove that disappeared out of my locker. 41 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:43,095 When I turn on the machine, there might be a bright light, so watch out. 42 00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:49,368 - Now, turn around. - Oh, my gosh! It's Grant Hill! 43 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,503 [applause] 44 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,805 Man! 45 00:02:56,677 --> 00:03:00,612 It's like... it's like he's right here. I can almost touch him. 46 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:03,582 Come on, Round Man. Show me what you got. 47 00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:10,721 You really have to dribble it. Yeah! 48 00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:13,892 All right. I'll just give him my patented jump shot. 49 00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:16,227 I guess flannel men can't jump. 50 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:22,000 Man! Well, I don't have to jump. I can just blow by you. 51 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:25,536 You're a virtual reality. [laughs] 52 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,873 I can just blow right by... 53 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:33,144 - Wow, that hurts. - Well, it didn't really hurt, did it? 54 00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,480 It was just virtual pain. 55 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:43,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 56 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,240 Aah! 57 00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,476 [Tim] Did I scare you, Wilson? 58 00:04:38,578 --> 00:04:42,218 Well, not you. It's that flying baked potato. 59 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:45,884 Well, the manufacturer says it looks like an alien spaceship. 60 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:48,887 I think it looks like a big Jiffy Pop container. 61 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:53,191 I tend to agree. A real spaceship would have some form of internal propulsion. 62 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:56,005 - Should look more like a saucer. - An iridescent glow. 63 00:04:56,029 --> 00:05:00,565 - A low hum. - 26 diamond-shaped windows in a row. 64 00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,235 The flying saucer out of Forbidden Planet 65 00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,003 or The Day The Earth Stood Still? 66 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:08,673 - I wasn't talking about a movie. - What were you talking about? 67 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:11,042 Well, nothing. Oh, look at the rain. 68 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,312 Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 69 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:16,281 Were you talking about a... a real UFO? 70 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:20,051 - Maybe. - Have you seen a real UFO? 71 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,721 Maybe. 72 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:26,491 - Come on. It's just us out here. - Maybe. 73 00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:31,429 You know, Tim, I've never told anybody this, 74 00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:34,011 but one night when I was living with my parents 75 00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:37,468 outside the Turkish city of Cappadocia... 76 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:43,007 I saw an alien craft land. 77 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:49,680 Did you see little green men come out of it? 78 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:53,018 No, no, no, no, no, no. These men were bluish-gray. 79 00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:55,920 Assuming they were men. 80 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:59,458 I didn't see any sexually distinguishing features. 81 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,693 Well, you had just met. 82 00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:09,534 Oh, I tell you, it was an amazing thing. I'll never forget it. 83 00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:13,571 Well, how'd the night go? Some cocktails and a quick probe? 84 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:17,954 Oh, Tim! I never should've told you about this. 85 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,744 No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, Wilson. 86 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,180 I understand completely what happened. 87 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,949 Have you been inside shellacking all day? 88 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,952 If you don't get enough ventilation, it can really... 89 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:31,155 I do that, I think I'm Aquaman. 90 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:35,827 What are those? 91 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,596 In case I don't get that soccer scholarship, 92 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:41,778 I need to figure out a great place to go to college. 93 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,935 The University of Hawaii. 94 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,338 Cancún College. 95 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,142 Virgin Islands State? 96 00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:55,146 You going to college or on a cruise? 97 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:58,427 All these schools have great academic programs. 98 00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:02,087 Is that why you divided them into beach schools and ski schools? 99 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:06,491 - Hi, guys. - [Brad] What's up, Mom? 100 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,326 Are you looking at school catalogs? 101 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:11,929 Yeah, I think it's about time I get serious about college. 102 00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:15,566 It's nice to see you motivated about continuing your education. 103 00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:18,503 Randy, you could use those same catalogs. 104 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,105 Or I could call my travel agent. 105 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,543 Still looking at these weird schools? 106 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,946 Why don't you check into Iwo Jima Community College? 107 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,752 - I had a weird discussion with Wilson. - What's new with him? 108 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,734 He claims he had an encounter with space aliens. 109 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,368 He saw these blue-green creatures 110 00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:43,127 when he stayed with his folks in a Turkish town, Cappuccino. 111 00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:48,433 Were they covered in foam and sprinkled with cinnamon? 112 00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:51,481 He said he had an encounter with extraterrestrials. 113 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:55,540 Or he dipped into the festival wine a bit early. 114 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,176 Well, I wouldn't dismiss him so quickly, guys. 115 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,711 I mean, there has been lots of documentation 116 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,014 about peoples' encounters with aliens. 117 00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,383 You think there's a real possibility? 118 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,952 There's some really respected institutions 119 00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:11,289 that have entire departments devoted to paranormal studies. 120 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:16,895 Ooh, yeah. The department of ooo-eee-ooo. 121 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,064 With all the money spent on research, 122 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,799 they don't have proof alien life exists. 123 00:08:21,901 --> 00:08:23,635 They don't have proof it doesn't. 124 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:27,505 Well, I guess we know who are the sane members of this family. 125 00:08:27,607 --> 00:08:29,741 Don't lump me in with you. 126 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,012 - Hey, guys. - Hey, Timmy. 127 00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:38,215 Harry called me, said my saw blade was in. Where is Harry? 128 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,953 - He's home with a nasty bug. - What, a parasite? 129 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,255 Close. Dolores. 130 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,937 He's home with the flu. A reciprocating saw? 131 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,561 - Yeah, it was. - I know where he put it. 132 00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,797 Hand me a cup, will you? 133 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,835 Do you guys think that alien life exists? 134 00:08:56,937 --> 00:09:01,572 I hope so. That way I'd have a chance with another species. 135 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:04,342 Yeah. I can see it now. 136 00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:09,881 You're gently holding her eight-fingered hand. 137 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:13,651 While you stare into that one big eye. 138 00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:18,256 And try to figure out which set of lips to kiss. 139 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:22,493 I know you're messing with me, but I'm still getting a little hot. 140 00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:28,533 I'm talking about extraterrestrials. 141 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:31,269 Why would a guy need more than two? 142 00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:40,011 Here's your saw. What's so funny? 143 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,947 Wilson claims he saw an extraterrestrial. 144 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,349 Where? His family reunion? 145 00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:48,531 Extraterrestrial. Like an alien, spaceships... 146 00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,922 [eerie whistle] 147 00:09:52,725 --> 00:09:55,427 - Well, hi-ho, fellas. - Hey. 148 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,328 - Hey, Wilson. - Not a word. 149 00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,266 You know, Al, I need some one-half-inch carriage bolts. 150 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,202 - They're right over here on aisle 21. - Mm-hm. 151 00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:08,606 Would those carriage bolts be for you or are you taking 'em to your leader? 152 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:12,010 - My leader? - Yeah, you know... 153 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:15,012 [makes alien bleeping noises] 154 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,817 Did you tell them? I thought this was just between the two of us. 155 00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:23,088 It's just between the five of us. It'll go no further than that. 156 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:27,392 - Did you tell Jill and the boys? - All right, the nine of us. 157 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:31,228 We're sorry, Wilson. We didn't mean to alienate you. 158 00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:33,865 Marty, come on! 159 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,835 I didn't come to this hardware store to be ridiculed. 160 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:41,039 Try Larry's Hardware. Today's their "going out of orbit" sale. 161 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,374 - Hey, guys! - Well, Tim, thanks a lot. 162 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,711 You have made me the laughingstock of the neighborhood. 163 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:49,113 I only told nine people, Wilson. Honest. 164 00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:50,915 - Here's your mail, Al. - Thanks. 165 00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:52,595 - Hey, Milton. - Hey, guys. 166 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,263 Oh, Wilson, something for you, too. 167 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:58,289 A sweepstakes letter from Ed McMartian. 168 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:16,307 Come on out, Wilson, and talk to me. Come on. I know you're in there. 169 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:20,278 At least come out and wave at my little spy cam, Wilson. 170 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,365 [man] You'll enjoy surfing, kayaking and volleyball 171 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:32,034 on our beautiful white sugar sand beaches. 172 00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:35,693 Wow, that looks great. What is this, the Leisure Channel? 173 00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:40,264 No. It's a recruiting video from the University of Maui. 174 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,800 I don't think you're going to a college 175 00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:46,337 that's nicer than where I spent my honeymoon. 176 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,284 Aren't you supposed to be studying? 177 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,374 While you're overlooking the Pacific, 178 00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:54,879 you could earn your PhD in marine biology, art history or psychology. 179 00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:57,148 Hello! 180 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:06,124 Well, now every time I try to talk to Wilson, he just shoots me down. 181 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:10,027 Wilson's not talking to you 'cause you really hurt his feelings. 182 00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:13,998 I didn't mean to hurt his feelings. It's just that alien stuff is so crazy. 183 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,113 You see? That's the attitude that he's reacting to. 184 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:21,573 Whenever you don't understand something, you just make fun of it. 185 00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:24,875 I do that even when I understand things. 186 00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:27,156 You're gonna have to learn to pull back. 187 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:31,149 When a thought enters your mind, it doesn't have to shoot out of your mouth. 188 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,284 If I could change things, I would. 189 00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:36,387 Because all I've done now is alienate the one person 190 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:39,490 whose opinion really matters to me. 191 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:47,164 - What about me? - What about you? 192 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:51,335 If you want Wilson to know that you care about what's important to him, 193 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,649 you're gonna have to make a gesture. 194 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:57,241 How about... "Please!"? 195 00:12:57,343 --> 00:13:00,878 [chuckles] No. It works for me, but... 196 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:05,416 You should do some research on the stuff that Wilson's been talking about. 197 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:09,253 You'll be well-informed and it'll show that you take him seriously. 198 00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:14,291 I gotta have an intelligent conversation about stuff that doesn't exist. 199 00:13:14,393 --> 00:13:16,493 - Right. - Government cover-ups. 200 00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:19,930 Secret bases in the desert that no one knows what goes on there. 201 00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:22,766 And big crop circles. What's that all about? 202 00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:27,238 And big balloon-headed things that look like they ate too many almonds. 203 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,640 Nighttime abductions, big bright lights, 204 00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:34,245 and ships that scream in and always get people with no teeth... 205 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,083 Wow. Look at that girl. 206 00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:42,686 Better hope Mom doesn't catch you looking at this magazine. 207 00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:47,225 No, this is a college catalog I got today. It's from Tahiti Tech. 208 00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:52,463 Man, they let a student walk around campus like that? 209 00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,698 She's the dean. 210 00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:57,935 - OK. What do we do? - We're all booted up. 211 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,782 Access the server, double-click on the browser icon, 212 00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:02,885 and we're surfing the Net. 213 00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:06,244 OK. 20 years ago no one would've understood that sentence, 214 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:10,314 and today it's just me. 215 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:14,285 - I start typing in the subject here? - Yeah. Try UFO. 216 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:18,356 Good idea. Probably a few websites, huh? 217 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,930 There's 103,000 websites. 218 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,499 I guess Wilson's not the only one seeing things. 219 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,269 There's a lot of nut cases out there. 220 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,682 See what they're saying in the chat room. 221 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,774 A UFO chat room. I bet it's padded. 222 00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:46,417 Unbelievable. People all over the world have documented sightings like Wilson's. 223 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:50,621 Come on, Dad. Don't tell me you're starting to take this stuff seriously. 224 00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:53,891 It's not easy to ignore, you know? 225 00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:55,959 There's even government documents 226 00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:58,596 that show strange phenomena they just can't refute. 227 00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,566 No, Dad. Come on. Crop circles, Roswell cover-up. 228 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:06,303 And, you know, Elvis is alive and running a laundromat in Cleveland. 229 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:11,008 Uh-uh. It's a doughnut shop in Dayton. 230 00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,456 You know, I'm surprised at you. 231 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,980 I mean, how can a sane, rational... 232 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,016 Oh, never mind. 233 00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:22,920 I'm telling you, there's strange things out there we can't explain. 234 00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:25,256 [clanging] 235 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:33,897 - Like what was that? - It's Mark going to the bathroom. 236 00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,778 He goes the same time every night. 237 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,102 OK, OK. That explains the noise. 238 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:42,607 But can you explain why a bladder that young is on such a rigid schedule? 239 00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:54,451 [snoring] 240 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,196 I saw an alien craft... craft... craft... 241 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,933 There's no proof aliens exist... exist... exist... 242 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:12,736 Entire departments devoted to paranormal studies... studies... 243 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:16,140 The aliens were bluish-gray... gray... gray... 244 00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:19,710 Anyone for cappuccino... cappuccino... cappuccino...? 245 00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:26,718 - I found the file, Jilly. - What have you come up with, Taylor? 246 00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:30,054 According to my underground sources, 247 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:33,991 this is the triangulated center of all alien activity 248 00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,093 in the western hemisphere. 249 00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:38,463 Easily explained by swamp gas, 250 00:16:38,565 --> 00:16:40,965 weather balloons, mass delusional hysteria. 251 00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,868 Why do you respond with scientific mumbo-jumbo? 252 00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:48,172 Everything you say is pie-in-the-sky, paranormal saucer-head idiocy. 253 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,743 The truth is out there. 254 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:56,280 No. You're the one that's out there. 255 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:02,553 - [clang] - Oh! 256 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:09,494 Hold up, Jilly. I can't explain it, 257 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:12,797 but I sense the presence of an alien. 258 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:16,111 Taylor, have you noticed these aliens seem to eschew 259 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:18,669 well-lit, ventilated housing? 260 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,705 They what? 261 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,974 Eschew. 262 00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,442 Eschew. 263 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,678 Gesundheit. 264 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:37,555 - Right there. Right there. Right there. - What is it? 265 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:39,957 The alien we've been looking for all our lives. 266 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,859 How can we be sure it's not human? 267 00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,895 It's too small. 268 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:50,134 Notice... the delicate, hairless features. 269 00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,872 Oh, my God! 270 00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:00,111 - [yells] - [yells] 271 00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:03,081 Put a shirt on! 272 00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,584 Hi, and welcome back to Tool Time. 273 00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:12,290 Professional roofer Tony Bruschetta is talking about harnessing and safety. 274 00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:14,859 Tony's gonna show us two different systems 275 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:18,362 which allow you to anchor yourself to the roof. 276 00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:23,500 There's actually a third system which allows Al's mom 277 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:26,771 to anchor herself to a frost-free Frigidaire. 278 00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:32,120 Tony's family's been in the business for 65 years. 279 00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:34,790 You must've logged a lot of hours on the roof. 280 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:38,549 Does it ever get lonely at the top? 281 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:40,384 Well, you know, I can't complain. 282 00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:41,719 I've got a roof over my head. 283 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:45,656 - Uh-huh. - No, wait, it's under my feet! 284 00:18:47,159 --> 00:18:50,628 It's a 30-minute show, fellas. 285 00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,330 I'll do the jokes. 286 00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:55,966 Actually, you ever noticed anything odd in the sky? Unusual sights? 287 00:18:56,068 --> 00:18:58,314 Tim, not with the aliens again. 288 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,505 UFOs, spaceships, that kind of stuff. 289 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:04,808 The audience wants to talk about roofs, not about people from outer space. 290 00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:06,877 You're awfully defensive about this. 291 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:09,747 - There are no aliens. - How do you know? 292 00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:12,216 Hey, maybe he's hiding something. 293 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,618 Maybe he's hiding the fact that he's an alien. 294 00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,522 I am not now nor have I ever been an alien! 295 00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:23,727 Oh, yeah? What do the first two letters of "alien" spell, Al? 296 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,997 Ooh... 297 00:19:28,201 --> 00:19:32,203 And your mother's quite large. Perhaps she's the mothership. 298 00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,875 [Tim] What you got, Wilson? Some rare Amazonian plant 299 00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:40,778 you crossbred with, like, a North African variety? 300 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,914 They're petunias. Good day, Tim. 301 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:47,151 I was wondering if maybe that spaceship you saw 302 00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:50,821 is the same kind that the army found in Roswell. 303 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:53,090 What do you know of Roswell? 304 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,960 I know that a lot of people think a flying saucer crash-landed there. 305 00:19:57,062 --> 00:19:59,430 I also know about Sheffield, England. 306 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,999 In 1962 there was a spectacular sighting there. 307 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,802 - And in Mexico City, 198... - '83. 308 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,370 Yeah. 309 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,605 With the difficult time you gave me, 310 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:12,909 I'm surprised you're taking such an interest in unexplained phenomena. 311 00:20:13,011 --> 00:20:17,147 I figured if a real intelligent guy like you was interested in the stuff, 312 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:20,618 maybe I should learn more about it, so I went on the Internet 313 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,522 and I found out a lot of people have had experiences just like yours, 314 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:28,359 and not just people with a shellac dependency. 315 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,695 Well, that's true. 316 00:20:30,797 --> 00:20:33,597 I shouldn't have made fun of your beliefs. 317 00:20:33,699 --> 00:20:35,311 I appreciate you saying that. 318 00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:38,580 Maybe you could relay that to the guys at the hardware store. 319 00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:41,438 Oh, I'll do that. I'll tell all the guys down there 320 00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:44,575 and the mailman and the guy at the gas company. 321 00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:50,926 So, with all your newfound knowledge, are you a believer? 322 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,918 I wouldn't say that. I'm just open to more possibilities now. 323 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:57,320 And I'm having some really strange dreams. 324 00:20:57,423 --> 00:21:01,258 About government conspiracies, FBI agents in trench coats, 325 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,294 that you are out there? 326 00:21:04,396 --> 00:21:06,863 You know about my dream? 327 00:21:06,965 --> 00:21:11,201 Are we having some sort of mind-melding kumbayatic experience? 328 00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:14,538 No. Jill told me. 329 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,075 I didn't tell her. 330 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,554 You said you think Jordan's an alien? 331 00:21:30,656 --> 00:21:33,724 How else could he jump that high? 332 00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:36,860 - Shaquille? - You call that an earth name? 333 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:41,432 - All right. Dennis Rodman? - [sighs] 334 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:44,634 I'll give you that one. 335 00:21:44,736 --> 00:21:47,738 Look, Tim, these guys don't know I'm onto them, 336 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,841 so I'd appreciate it if you don't say anything. 337 00:21:50,943 --> 00:21:55,545 All right. All right. All right. How do I know you're not an alien? 338 00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:59,583 I never said I wasn't. 339 00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:04,433 But you're working, so you must have a green card. 340 00:22:05,257 --> 00:22:07,457 More bluish-gray. 340 00:22:08,305 --> 00:23:08,516 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org