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It's the closing minutes
of the World Cup.
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00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,222
Brad Taylor steals the
ball and dribbles to the right,
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00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:15,213
cuts back to the left,
shoots! It's a goal!
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00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:19,284
Goal, goal, goal!
5
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,086
Goal!
6
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,921
Oh, yeah!
7
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:27,492
So you're studying
hard today, huh?
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00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:31,463
Yeah. I'm practicing
for the SAT test.
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00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:34,133
Is this the part where
they ask you to make rain?
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00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,003
No, I was just
taking the math test.
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00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:41,706
Gosh, it was so hard I'm
scared to find out my score.
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00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:43,620
Well, let's add it up.
How do we do this?
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00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,521
Well, I already did the
adding and the subtracting.
14
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,891
You have to take this number
here and divide it by four.
15
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Well, don't worry.
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Math is just simple logic.
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Let's see, two, two...
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00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:59,090
Well, Dad, when you divide,
shouldn't the number get smaller?
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00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,804
I've been dividing since I
was a kid. That is your score.
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00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:04,529
Forty-two hundred, baby!
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00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:07,299
Dad, the highest
possible score is 800.
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00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,601
You know what? I bet you
added a zero to the 420.
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00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:12,949
Don't be silly. You add a
zero to 420, you still get 420.
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Yeah, you're right. Hi, guys.
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Hi.
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So what do you think?
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New hair?
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No!
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New pants?
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No! New couch! New couch!
31
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What new couch?
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I cannot believe that
you didn't notice it.
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It's been here since
early this morning.
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I spent six weeks picking
this thing out. I love it. Love it.
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I'm gonna lie down here
and never get up. Ever. Never.
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Well, Mom, I got a
420 on my math test.
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What? Oh, my God!
38
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You're never gonna get into
UCLA with scores like that,
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no matter how well
you play soccer.
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I know, but I hate math. I'd rather
hit myself in the head with a hammer.
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Don't be too
sure. It really hurts.
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00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,740
Does everybody
know what time it is?
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Tool Time!
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That's right! Tim,
Tim, he's our man!
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If he can't fix it, Big Al can!
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Heidi. Thank you,
Heidi. Thank you.
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Thank you, Heidi. Thank you,
everyone. Welcome to Tool Time.
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I am Tim "The
School Man" Taylor.
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00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:23,301
And, of course, you all know
my assistant Al "Husky" Borland.
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00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:28,006
Thank you.
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00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:31,142
Welcome to our
Tool Time salute...
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Food fight!
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To college. To college.
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00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:39,618
In today's competitive college
environment, a young man needs an edge.
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00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:43,488
That's why we've taken that dorm
room and given it the old Tool Time twist.
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00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,890
Ladies and
gentlemen, say hello to
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the man's dorm room!
The man's dorm room!
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00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:55,645
Now, at first blush, this may look
like an ordinary college dorm room,
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00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,102
but let's scratch that surface
a little bit and go deep.
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The operative word in this
dorm room is "efficiency."
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00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:03,386
Most college students
don't have time to do laundry,
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00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,777
so it piles up, cluttering
the workspace.
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00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:08,313
Hey, roomie, what are we
gonna do with all this laundry?
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00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:09,648
Not to worry.
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00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:12,050
We've modified this
little trash compactor.
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Aha!
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Perfect.
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00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:33,004
Hard to believe there's 16 weeks
of my dirty underwear in there, huh?
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00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:36,408
Suppose your kid has a
Chemistry final tomorrow.
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00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,677
He's got to do well,
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00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:41,858
but the professor's got this silly bias
against students that, I don't know,
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00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,915
blow up the chemistry lab.
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00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:46,384
Allegedly.
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00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,722
To help students
stay up late studying,
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00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,124
our dorm room
has that added thing
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00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,460
to give them
that jolt of energy!
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An oxygen bar.
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00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:00,932
Yes, it comes with domestic...
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00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,567
Mmm, Seattle.
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00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,836
And imported.
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00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,547
Mexico City.
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00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:13,845
Well, moving on.
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00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,313
Well, after a late night,
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00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:17,393
most students have a
hard time getting up on time.
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00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:22,587
So we've created a fail-safe wake-up
system with three stages of alarm.
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Well, for the light sleeper...
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I'm up.
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For the moderate sleeper...
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What was that?
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Just five more.
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00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:46,177
For the stubborn sleeper...
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Get up!
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I've added one
more little thing.
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What?
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00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:03,005
Let's say you're having the
captain of the cheerleaders over
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00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,564
for a little
late-night studying,
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00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:08,533
and you don't want
Flannel Boy listening in.
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00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,868
What?
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00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,094
Aren't you supposed
to be studying?
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00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:26,985
Yeah, Mom wants me to be
studying, but I'm all out of brain space.
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00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,132
All right. Well,
take a little break.
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00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,123
Let's play a little out here.
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00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,302
No, that's cool, Dad.
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Come on. Just do it.
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00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,106
Do it now. Come
on. Work it. Work it.
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00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:39,664
Work it. Don't turn your
back on me, girlie man. Shoot.
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00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,503
Go easy on your dad, Brad.
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00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:50,007
Hey, do I smell pork
by-products over there?
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Yes, indeedy. These are
bangers fresh from England.
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Hey, Tim and Brad Taylor,
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I'd like you to meet a
former student of mine
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from Oxford, Simon
Downing-Chubb.
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00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,830
Hello, Taylors. How's it going?
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00:07:01,854 --> 00:07:03,288
Simon Downing-Chubb.
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00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,755
So what do you do?
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00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,290
I own a software company.
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00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:09,072
Actually, he owns one of the largest
software companies in England.
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He's also a very
active philanthropist.
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00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:15,933
Well, I'm involved in a foundation that
fights poverty and promotes world peace.
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00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:19,337
Enough chit-chat.
What do you drive?
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00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:23,775
I've got a Bentley, two Jaguars
and I'm restoring an Austin-Healy.
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00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:25,977
Wow, I've got an
Austin-Healy myself!
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00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:27,657
I thought that was
Jill's Austin-Healy.
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00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,548
Technically, in the sense
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that she owns it and
I'm not allowed to drive it.
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00:07:34,487 --> 00:07:36,733
Plus, neither one of
them can keep it running.
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00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,523
Well, it is British.
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00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:41,971
Well, you colonists
dumped our tea,
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00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,395
so we get back at
you with our cars.
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00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,931
Brad! Study break's over!
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00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,867
Nice to meet you,
Mr. Downing-Chubb.
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00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,603
So Brad's a soccer player?
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One of the best
high-school players in Detroit.
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00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:55,485
Thanks, Wilson. I'm
soccer-mad myself.
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I even bought my own team.
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The Birmingham Chubbs.
Are you a soccer fan, Taylor?
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00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:05,083
Yeah, you know, it's
okay. I love the rioting.
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00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,397
Well, you know, if Brad has a
game in the next couple of days,
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00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,120
why don't you take Simon?
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00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,100
He plays tomorrow afternoon. Love
to take you if you want to go see it.
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00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:13,469
And after that, maybe you want
to take a look at the Healy with me
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00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:17,828
and tell me why the wipers go
on every time I honk the horn.
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00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,964
Sounds like a
problem with the radio.
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00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:27,083
Do all Americans
drive like that?
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00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,052
Yeah. We drive on the right
side of the road here, Simon.
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00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:32,777
No, I meant 60 miles
an hour on the shoulder.
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00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:36,381
No, you see, my dad
calls that the passing lane.
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00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:38,961
All right, listen, guys, I gotta
kick around a few math problems.
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00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,986
Great game, Brad.
You were top-drawer.
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00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:45,790
That means "good job" if
you live in the mother country.
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00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,736
Want to go out to the garage
and check out the Austin-Healy?
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Lead on.
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00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:51,823
Voila.
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00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:55,044
Oh, it's a lovely car, Taylor.
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00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,500
Thanks.
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00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:58,681
Just finishing having
it rebuilt, bottom up.
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00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,472
But there's something
really funky in the wiring.
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00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,781
All right, let's have a quick
peek under your bonnet.
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00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,349
Simon, we just met.
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00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,317
In England, they call
the hood the bonnet.
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00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,119
I know that.
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00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:18,990
It's just you Brits have a way of
sucking all the manliness out of a car.
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00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,093
I think it was the Americans
who came up with the car bra.
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00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,676
When you got a
nice set of headlights,
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you want to support them
with something, don't you?
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00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:33,805
You know, I have to tell you,
Brad really is quite a soccer player.
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00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,541
He's talented enough to
play professionally in England.
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00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:37,776
You think he's that good?
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00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,210
Yeah.
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00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,823
I can't say the
same for your wiring.
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00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,180
What do you want to do?
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00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:46,084
I'll need a wire stripper and
a cold beverage posthaste.
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00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:50,355
Here's your wire stripper. I'll get
you your cold beverage post-toasty.
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00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,670
Hey, hitting those books, huh?
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00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:57,462
Yeah. I already hit them.
Now I gotta open them.
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00:09:57,530 --> 00:09:59,864
Guess what? Guess
what the Chubbster said.
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00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:03,067
He says you're good enough to
play soccer professionally in England.
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00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,313
No way! Yeah.
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00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:06,171
Wow! That's so cool.
180
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:10,208
Awfully talented, frightfully
good, absolutely marvelous.
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00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,543
Shaken, not stirred. James Bond.
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00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,513
Bond, James Bond. Dad. Dad.
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00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,059
No, Goldfinger. Dad! Dad!
184
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,227
No, Goldfinger. Dad!
185
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,051
Pussy. Pussy Galore.
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00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,355
I'm trying to study here.
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00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:26,690
Right! Right!
188
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,794
Study! The boy must study! I'll
tell Moneypenny immediately.
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00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:33,064
Honey, you're in for a treat.
190
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,666
Your first banger's
almost off the grill.
191
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:42,240
I can't wait. What's
in a banger anyway?
192
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,776
A veritable zoo-full of
English animal innards,
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00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:48,491
with just the right
amount of spices.
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00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,014
Yeah, I think I'll pass.
195
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,817
I've had enough
monkey in my diet lately.
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00:10:54,253 --> 00:10:55,352
Hi, Mom.
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00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,154
Hey. How are you doing?
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00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,967
Wait, what are you doing? Aren't
you supposed to be studying?
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00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,725
No, I don't have
to study anymore.
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00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,094
Right.
201
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,041
And what about the SAT tests?
202
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,744
No, I don't have to take them.
I'm not gonna go to college.
203
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,312
What? Yeah.
204
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,314
I'm gonna play professional
soccer in England.
205
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,804
You're looking at the
newest Birmingham Chubb.
206
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:16,952
What are you talking about?
207
00:11:16,976 --> 00:11:19,444
What the hell is a
Birmingham Chubb?
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00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,678
Simon's team.
209
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,380
Who the hell is Simon?
210
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:23,981
The owner of the Chubbs.
211
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:26,751
We're not getting anywhere.
212
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,653
Simon's one of Wilson's friends.
213
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,700
Dad invited him to the game the
other day and he came and told me
214
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,068
I was good enough
to play professional,
215
00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:33,402
and I said, "Yeah.
I'm up for it."
216
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:35,293
You're up for it?
217
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,207
What makes you think
that your father and I
218
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:41,032
would even consider
allowing you to do this?
219
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,220
Well, Dad was the one
that told me about it.
220
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:46,282
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Your father
knows about this? He's in favor of this?
221
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,085
Well, yeah. He seemed excited
when Simon told him how good I was.
222
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,554
They talked about the whole thing
while they were working on the car.
223
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:54,212
So while changing
a windshield wiper,
224
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:57,848
your father single-handedly
decided to change your entire future?
225
00:11:57,917 --> 00:12:00,851
All right, who's ready
to suck down a banger?
226
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:11,095
You can get a salad,
too, if you want.
227
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,368
Tim, when I went
to work this morning,
228
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,304
I had a son who was
headed for college.
229
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:22,706
Now I've got a Chubb.
230
00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:25,788
Dad, I talked to Simon. I'm gonna
be playing professional soccer.
231
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:27,178
What?
232
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,758
Don't act so surprised. You're
the one that told him to do it.
233
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,627
I have no idea what you
guys are talking about.
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00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:34,719
You invited Simon to
go watch him play, right?
235
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:38,022
You told Brad that he was
good enough to play pro.
236
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,828
Have you lost weight?
237
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,612
How could you tell Brad that it's
okay for him to play soccer in Europe?
238
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:52,281
I didn't say that. I just passed
on Simon's compliment, that's all.
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00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,617
But you know how much trouble
he's having with his schoolwork.
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00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,151
I mean, telling
him that was like
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00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,953
dangling a big, fat carrot
in front of a starving horse!
242
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,155
Well, I didn't know the starving
horse would eat the big, fat carrot!
243
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,479
Well, you should have!
244
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,309
Excuse me, guys. The
horse would like to speak.
245
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:09,292
Look, guys, this is a big opportunity
for me and I don't want to pass it up.
246
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:13,290
Brad, you said that you wanted to play
soccer in college. What about UCLA?
247
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,359
No, you guys wanted
me to go to UCLA.
248
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,139
This is a chance for me
to get on the soccer field
249
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,629
without killing myself studying.
250
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,543
Well, what if going pro
doesn't work out, Brad?
251
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:21,866
Yeah.
252
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,746
Dad, you know it's gonna
work out, you've seen me play.
253
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,181
Brad, you're gonna ruin your
chances to get a scholarship.
254
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:28,083
Mom, if I go pro, I
don't need a scholarship.
255
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,888
I don't believe this. You
actually expect us to just say,
256
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,412
"Oh, yeah. Great. Okay,
pack up, go to England"?
257
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,258
Well, you guys let
Randy go to Costa Rica.
258
00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:38,227
No. No, no, no. That's
not the same thing.
259
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:41,151
He's down there for school. He's
still in an educational program.
260
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,465
Well, Simon says it's gonna
be a great experience for me
261
00:13:43,489 --> 00:13:45,723
playing soccer and
living on my own.
262
00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:47,336
What do you plan to
do for money? Yeah.
263
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,105
Simon says he'll pay
me £10,000 a year.
264
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,073
Simon says that's
plenty to live on.
265
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:53,164
That's simple for Simon to say.
266
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:00,716
If Simon says jump off the London
Bridge, are you gonna do that?
267
00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:02,473
Simon wouldn't say that.
268
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:07,745
I say you are going to college.
269
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:10,114
And I say you're
going to college, too.
270
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,862
Okay, Dad, so you're
saying if you could've
271
00:14:11,886 --> 00:14:13,629
gone straight from
high school to Tool Time,
272
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:15,631
are you saying you would
have gone to college?
273
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,855
Well, of course he would have
gone to college. Tell him, Tim.
274
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,129
You... They...
275
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,498
The... No, there's...
276
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,733
If that... Those...
They never...
277
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:31,302
No one called.
278
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:33,770
Tim!
279
00:14:33,839 --> 00:14:36,207
There's... No, no, no.
That's all I wanted to hear.
280
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,876
No, no. I just stuttered
then. I didn't say anything.
281
00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:40,277
What was that about?
282
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:41,924
Well, that question
caught me off guard.
283
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:44,315
Well, you're on guard now.
Go tell him to go to college.
284
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:47,418
Jill, look, if I had the
chance to skip English Lit
285
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:50,021
and go straight to Tool Time,
I probably would have done it.
286
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,369
That's fine for you, but that's not
the message I want our son to hear.
287
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,338
He asked me a question, I gave him an
honest answer. What was I supposed to do?
288
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:59,664
You do what most good
parents would do, lie.
289
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,641
Good arm, Wilson.
290
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,909
Well, thank you, neighbor. Simon
inspired me to dust off my cricket gear.
291
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:19,122
Unfortunately, I'm having
trouble controlling my googly.
292
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,452
Maybe you should
switch to briefs.
293
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:27,625
No, Tim. See, the googly is the
cricket equivalent of a curve ball.
294
00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:31,062
Well, Simon certainly threw a
curve ball over here the other day.
295
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:32,897
Did you know that
he offered Brad
296
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:36,033
a contract to play for his
soccer team in England?
297
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,013
Well, Simon said that
Brad was a great player,
298
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:40,304
but Simon never said
anything about signing him up.
299
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:44,809
I am sick of what Simon says!
300
00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:47,956
So I take it you and Jill don't
want Brad playing in England?
301
00:15:47,980 --> 00:15:49,947
Jill doesn't. I'm not sure.
302
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:51,916
Brad doesn't care,
he just wants to go.
303
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:56,220
Oh, well, I understand their
positions, but why are you on the fence?
304
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,688
Well, you know,
305
00:15:57,756 --> 00:16:00,657
Brad asked me if I could
have skipped college
306
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:03,560
and gone right to Tool
Time, would I have done that?
307
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,230
And I couldn't say that I
wouldn't have done that.
308
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,232
Ah.
309
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,679
And you're afraid if you told Brad to
do something that you wouldn't do,
310
00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:11,943
you would be a hypocrite.
311
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,972
Exactly.
312
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,019
Tim, to be offered your
dream job at such an early age,
313
00:16:17,043 --> 00:16:19,055
that would be so flattering.
314
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,555
I think anybody
would be tempted.
315
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:22,246
So do I.
316
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,748
You know, for example,
when I was young,
317
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,895
I had to choose
between going to Oxford
318
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:29,120
or becoming a professional mime.
319
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:39,830
That certainly would have
impacted our relationship, wouldn't it?
320
00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:45,970
You know, Tim, if you had been offered
Tool Time when you were 18 years of age,
321
00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:49,050
do you think you would have missed
anything by not going to college?
322
00:16:49,074 --> 00:16:50,452
Of course I would've
missed college.
323
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,020
That's where I met
a lot of my friends,
324
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:53,756
and, you know, there's all
sorts of great stuff in college.
325
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,446
You know, panty raids, keggers.
326
00:16:56,982 --> 00:17:00,584
And Chemistry class. They
let me work with real stuff.
327
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:02,665
That's when you blew up the lab.
328
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:03,987
Allegedly.
329
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:09,293
College was more about expanding
my horizons. I learned a lot of stuff.
330
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,894
So there you go.
331
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,874
You know, it seems to me
you can have this talk about
332
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:15,800
college with Brad
without being a hypocrite.
333
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:21,138
What made you decide
not to be a mime?
334
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,840
I talked myself out of it.
335
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,912
Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad!
336
00:17:27,981 --> 00:17:29,080
What?
337
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:31,015
Turn that thing off!
I want to talk to you!
338
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,095
Well, if you're gonna
yell at me about England,
339
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,030
you can forget about it, all right?
I'm making my own decisions.
340
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,754
I'm not here to yell at you.
341
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,992
I want to have a calm discussion
342
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,061
about pro soccer
versus going to college.
343
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:47,075
Dad, I just feel that the experience
I'd get playing professional soccer
344
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,579
would make up for anything
I'd be missing in college.
345
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:52,402
So you do admit you might miss
something if you don't go to college?
346
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:53,938
Nothing important.
347
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,718
Dad, and you
even implied earlier
348
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,620
that if you could have skipped
college, you would have.
349
00:17:57,644 --> 00:18:00,344
When I thought about
it, I was wrong about that.
350
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,491
Dad, this is such a
big opportunity for me.
351
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,459
I mean, I'll be living on
my own, making money,
352
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,228
and doing the one
thing I'm good at.
353
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,929
What do you mean the
one thing you're good at?
354
00:18:07,953 --> 00:18:09,565
You're good at a lot more
things than just soccer.
355
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,900
Dad, I'm a lot better on the soccer
field than I am in the classroom.
356
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,670
You worked real hard this year and
you got your grades up, didn't you?
357
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:18,995
Yeah, in high school. If I go to a school
like UCLA, Dad, they'll humiliate me.
358
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:20,442
Where did you get
an idea like that?
359
00:18:20,466 --> 00:18:23,166
Grant Scott's brother
sent me a book from UCLA.
360
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,847
I couldn't even
understand the cover.
361
00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,771
Well, you just gotta...
362
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:29,473
Jeez!
363
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,077
It's like a foreign language.
364
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,813
That's my Spanish book.
365
00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:42,086
Dad, I'm talking,
like, a calculus book.
366
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,166
Well, you know, you're not
supposed to understand this.
367
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,201
That's why you go to college,
so you will understand it.
368
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:49,038
Dad, I'm not gonna cut it at
UCLA or any other college!
369
00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:51,072
Okay? It's gonna be way
too hard! I'm gonna flunk out!
370
00:18:51,096 --> 00:18:53,464
Wait a minute. Is that
what this is all about?
371
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:55,177
You're gonna run off to
England because you're scared?
372
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,567
No, I'm not scared.
373
00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,213
You just said you were
worried about flunking out.
374
00:18:58,237 --> 00:18:59,314
You're gonna go across the
sea, go over someplace else.
375
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,639
You know, I don't want
you becoming a mime!
376
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:05,842
What?
377
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:11,315
I don't want you to miss the
opportunity for an education
378
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,617
because you're
afraid of messing up.
379
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,387
Well, don't you ever
worry about messing up?
380
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,692
Have you ever seen Tool Time?
381
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,262
Yeah, I guess you're right.
382
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:30,535
Look. Look, son, you get
stronger in life by facing your fears.
383
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,637
You were real worried
about going to high school
384
00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,550
and you worked hard and
you got your grades up.
385
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,407
College is just
a step like that.
386
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:40,110
And you can do this,
Brad. You can do this.
387
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,490
All right, I'll think about it.
388
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,581
And think about this,
389
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:47,318
half of the starters on the World
Cup soccer team came from UCLA.
390
00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:49,019
Dad, they finished last.
391
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,688
That's why they need you.
392
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,191
Yeah, I guess you're right.
393
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:58,129
You get into UCLA, I will build you
a dorm room of your dreams, man.
394
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,198
Just like on Tool Time. What
feature would you really like?
395
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:02,499
Heidi?
396
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:11,509
It's not a beauty pageant.
This is a fitness competition.
397
00:20:11,577 --> 00:20:13,043
Hi, guys.
398
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,926
We were just watching
the Discovery Channel.
399
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:21,752
Yeah, right. Brad, Brad,
your SAT scores came.
400
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,431
I think I'll open
them a little later.
401
00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:24,722
No. No.
402
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,190
No, we can't stand the suspense.
403
00:20:27,259 --> 00:20:30,299
Here, Dad. You can
open them. I'll open them.
404
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,366
Hold on. Don't open
it yet. Don't open it yet.
405
00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:37,779
All right, go ahead.
Okay, I'll go ahead.
406
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:40,049
Wait, wait. Not,
not yet. Not yet.
407
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,439
Brad, honey, relax.
408
00:20:42,508 --> 00:20:44,341
Okay, go ahead.
409
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:53,617
Eight-hundred-and-twenty-six
million, fifty-thousand and thirty-three.
410
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:57,354
Dad, that's my Social
Security number.
411
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,460
Hey, Brad, look. You got a
550 in math, 530 in English.
412
00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:05,073
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
413
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,109
Cool. I'm gonna go call Samantha
and tell her the good news.
414
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,766
Okay. All right.
415
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,269
Cool. Cool.
416
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:18,842
Do you realize how close we came to
having another son in a foreign country?
417
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:20,389
What's with these kids anyway?
418
00:21:20,413 --> 00:21:21,757
Other people want
to come to America,
419
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,981
these kids just want to get out.
420
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,685
Do you think it's my cooking?
421
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:32,022
You combine that
with this couch, and...
422
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:39,130
Does everybody
know what time it is?
423
00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:40,665
Tool Time!
424
00:21:45,337 --> 00:21:46,937
That's right!
425
00:21:51,744 --> 00:21:53,789
Simon says he's gonna
pay me £10,000 a year
426
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:56,580
and Simon says
that's plenty to live on.
427
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,585
Is there a cigar in this thing?
428
00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,053
I know! I know!