1
00:00:02,436 --> 00:00:05,704
Hey, guys. Got the hot rod
outside. Want to go for a ride?
2
00:00:05,772 --> 00:00:07,892
We'll scare some
student drivers, huh?
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,109
No, that's okay. Go ahead.
4
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,217
No! Student drivers!
Get up behind them.
5
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:13,645
(IMITATES HONKING)
6
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,182
What's the matter?
7
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,817
Tell him, Harry.
8
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:21,920
I can't.
9
00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:24,028
I mean, look at that face.
10
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,658
Poor guy's got no clue.
11
00:00:30,931 --> 00:00:32,531
I've never had a clue.
12
00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,767
Come on, guys. What's going on?
13
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:38,048
Harry's selling
the hardware store.
14
00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:41,039
Oh, quick! Get a chair!
15
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:47,946
Sorry. Where was I?
16
00:00:48,014 --> 00:00:50,794
I thought for a minute I heard you
say you were selling the hardware store.
17
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:54,753
He is. I've been totally useless
ever since I heard the news.
18
00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:59,224
And for 40 years before that.
19
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,194
Harry, why all of a sudden?
20
00:01:03,263 --> 00:01:05,463
Dolores.
21
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:06,910
Her asthma's acting up again?
22
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:10,636
Oh, yeah. She wants to
move to a warmer climate.
23
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,381
Yeah. They're moving to Tucson.
24
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,006
That's in Arizona.
25
00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:22,514
Tucson is Plan A. Plan B
is we stop at a gas station,
26
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:26,285
she goes in to powder her
nose, and I burn rubber for Vegas.
27
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:30,800
You can't just leave your
wife in the middle of nowhere.
28
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,892
If we're meant to be
together, she'll find me.
29
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,395
Wait, wait, wait.
30
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,242
You own 20% of the hardware store.
Why don't you just buy the rest of it?
31
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,144
I wish. But I don't
have that kind of money.
32
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,278
Unless you want
to give me a raise.
33
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:43,935
I don't think so.
34
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,882
Well, you got a
rich girlfriend. Trudy!
35
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,239
I can't ask Trudy.
36
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:50,141
I mean, if I let her buy
the hardware store for me,
37
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:53,544
I'd feel like I was taking
money for sexual favors.
38
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,427
Wow, I didn't realize
Harry's retirement
39
00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,818
could send you spiraling
into a life of prostitution.
40
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,466
Can I speak to you privately?
41
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:04,556
Yeah.
42
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,041
This could be a
great opportunity.
43
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:11,230
Listen to me. You
could buy the place.
44
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,709
Get a bank loan.
I'll co-sign for you.
45
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,031
It's not just the money.
46
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,246
There's a lot of things
going on in my life right now.
47
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,835
Like what?
48
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:19,671
Promoted to head bingo caller?
49
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,809
I wish!
50
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:27,446
No. The fact is that Trudy
and I are getting pretty serious.
51
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:32,284
And there might be some major
expenses coming up in my life.
52
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:34,264
Don't tell anyone!
You know, even Jill.
53
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:37,756
But I'm thinking of making
her the next Mrs. Borland.
54
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:42,494
You want her to be your mother?
55
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,774
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's
good news. It's good news.
56
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:46,476
But now we really gotta
find a buyer for this place.
57
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,444
And I will do whatever it takes.
58
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:51,736
Harry, have you had anybody put
a bid in on it or anything like that?
59
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,239
Yeah. A nail salon.
60
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:59,010
A nail salon? This
is the work of Satan.
61
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:01,813
I can't believe it!
62
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,449
Our store is being turned
over to a bunch of women
63
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,285
who sit on their
cans and yak all day!
64
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:15,074
-== [ www.OpenSubtitles.org ] ==-
65
00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:08,212
Why do you have a
brochure for a motel in Florida?
66
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:11,227
'Cause a bunch of kids and I are
going down there for spring break.
67
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,563
It's gonna be a week with
no parents, no chaperones
68
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,787
and no tops in the Jacuzzi.
69
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,926
And how did you get Mom
and Dad to agree to this?
70
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:24,095
Well, that's one detail I
haven't quite figured out.
71
00:04:24,164 --> 00:04:26,531
But I've got a plan.
72
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,040
Hi, guys. How's it going?
73
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,568
You know, it's interesting
you should ask, Mom.
74
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,314
While many young
Americans are busy
75
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,484
frittering away their
lives with sex and drugs,
76
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:38,976
I have remained dedicated to
my studies and athletic pursuits.
77
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:41,612
You're not going to
Florida on spring break.
78
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,528
How does she know these things?
79
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:47,619
Your travel agent called.
80
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,157
Oh, man!
81
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:54,592
Guess what? Harry is
selling the hardware store.
82
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,021
We're gonna save a lot of money.
83
00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:01,900
Hey, now I can
actually go to college.
84
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,768
(JILL LAUGHING)
85
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,015
Oh, come on! Harry's always
threatening to sell the store.
86
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:09,118
This time it's for real. Dolores's
asthma is really acting up
87
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,954
and so they're gonna
move to Tucson.
88
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,577
It's in Arizona.
89
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,680
Well, that really is awful.
90
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,093
What's awful is now I
have to buy all my hardware
91
00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,983
at one of those
big chain stores.
92
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:22,287
Or you could be happy
with the tools you have.
93
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,389
Fat chance of that.
94
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,291
This is a disturbing
trend, though.
95
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:29,494
This signals the demise
of American small business.
96
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:33,364
I know. My favorite book store was
bought out by one of those big chains.
97
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:35,099
Now it's so sterile
when you go there.
98
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:38,503
I used to love to just be
there for hours and browse.
99
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:39,949
Well, maybe if you'd
bought something,
100
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:43,074
they wouldn't be
going out of business.
101
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:47,145
Well, there's got to be someone
who'd be interested in taking it over.
102
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,381
Other than you.
103
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,462
Give me one reason why I
shouldn't buy the hardware store.
104
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,297
We have three kids
who have to go to college.
105
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:56,154
I said one reason.
106
00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:01,064
Come on, Tim. There's gotta
be another buyer out there.
107
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:04,095
You're a great salesman. You
should be able to find someone.
108
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:10,368
When we were selling tools,
we used to have these big parties
109
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:12,648
to soften up potential buyers.
110
00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:14,450
Did it work? You bet!
111
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,919
Wild time. A lot of brown
liquor, sexy women.
112
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,276
(WHOOPING)
113
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,981
I just hated those times.
114
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,586
Tim, this is great!
115
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,415
Unbelievable! I'm so excited.
116
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:32,935
All these people are interested
in buying the hardware store!
117
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,192
(BABBLING)
118
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:39,264
They all think they're here
for a free meal, all right?
119
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,333
Hey, Rock, what
are you drinking?
120
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,135
What am I not drinking?
121
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:46,837
Hey, Tim. Thank
you. This is really nice.
122
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,784
Usually, when people
invite me over to their house,
123
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:52,743
it's because they want
to sell me something.
124
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:55,024
Oh, the weasels. Here.
Let me top that off for you.
125
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:56,247
Thank you, Tim.
126
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:57,849
Dolores, we're really
gonna miss you.
127
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,217
Yes, we are.
128
00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:01,186
I've ignored my
asthma for years.
129
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:04,089
It just keeps getting
worse and worse.
130
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,998
Oh, I forgot. Cigar
smoke bothers you.
131
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:20,939
You light that, Harry,
you're sleeping alone tonight.
132
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:31,349
Hey, your old ball and chain's
looking hot. She's a real tomato.
133
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,517
Yeah.
134
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,619
I'm a lucky man, Eddie. Yeah.
135
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,689
Hey, Jill? Why don't you
go flirt with Eddie a little bit?
136
00:07:40,159 --> 00:07:41,393
Are you insane?
137
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,260
I'm not asking
you to do anything.
138
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:44,762
And your call.
139
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,279
I think it's time for you to tell
everybody why they're here.
140
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:54,805
All right. Okay, everybody,
gather up. Yeah. All right.
141
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:57,587
I want to say how happy I am
that you all joined us here tonight.
142
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,451
We are here to celebrate.
143
00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:01,079
Celebrate what, Tim?
144
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,681
America!
145
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,716
America, yeah.
146
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:08,553
Hey, if you're organizing a
secret militia, Timmy, count me in.
147
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:14,326
No. I'm here to try to
save a small business.
148
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:17,729
Ladies and gentlemen, Harry's
Hardware is going out of business.
149
00:08:17,797 --> 00:08:20,009
Oh, no. When did that happen?
150
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,311
I've been taken
over by a nail salon
151
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,380
and forced to live in
the desert with my wife.
152
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,070
Oh, no!
153
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:29,707
And now we'll all have
to buy our hardware
154
00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,810
at one of those
big faceless chains
155
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,012
instead of a friendly
place like Harry's.
156
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,848
I got you.
157
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,650
We're calling
our unit "Harry's."
158
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:42,020
I know where we can get guns.
159
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,457
Now, come on, everybody.
160
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,727
Don't you... We don't want to lose
our hardware store now, do we?
161
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,696
ALL: No!
162
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:52,909
We're not just gonna stand
here and let this happen, are we?
163
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,610
ALL: No! AL: No, we're not!
164
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:56,312
So, who's gonna step up
and buy this Harry's Hardware?
165
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,369
TIM: Yeah!
166
00:08:57,437 --> 00:08:58,481
What?
167
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,905
Anybody?
168
00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:03,641
Tim, look, we all
love to shop there.
169
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,043
But it just doesn't make
sense to buy the place.
170
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:08,780
Look, you can't compete
with the large discount stores.
171
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,115
It's a great opportunity.
Harry's has a good location.
172
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,828
He's an institution
in this town.
173
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:14,063
Then, how come you don't buy it?
174
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,398
Yeah! How come you don't buy it?
175
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:17,066
I think The Tool Man is afraid
176
00:09:17,090 --> 00:09:18,701
to put his money
where his mouth is!
177
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,791
I am not afraid!
178
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,270
Then prove it! Come on, Timmy.
179
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,372
Prove it!
180
00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,873
I don't have to
prove it. Prove what?
181
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:25,375
Prove it! Prove it! All
right! I'll buy the place!
182
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:26,798
ALL: Yeah!
183
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:38,187
I think it's great you're
buying the hardware store, Tim.
184
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,444
Hey, congratulations, Jill.
185
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,593
We gotta talk.
186
00:09:44,617 --> 00:09:46,150
We're at a party. Not now.
187
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:47,397
We have talked
about this already.
188
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,032
There's no way that
you can buy a business.
189
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,655
We don't know that.
190
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:51,935
I don't even know
what I paid for the place.
191
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,369
Harry, what did I
pay for the place?
192
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:54,759
Eighty thousand dollars.
193
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:56,261
Eighty thousand dollars?
194
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,197
The nail salon
talked you down to 70.
195
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,631
Oh, yeah.
196
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,614
Honey, we just can't shell
out that kind of money.
197
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:06,204
Listen, listen, listen.
198
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:09,052
What if I carried the loan? That way
you don't have to make a down payment.
199
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,820
You can make monthly payments.
200
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:13,489
And then if it works out,
you can give me the rest later.
201
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:15,747
Why didn't you
make that deal to me?
202
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,717
All right. I'll offer
you the same thing.
203
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,785
I'll pass. But
thanks for asking.
204
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:29,060
See? The way he puts it, it
makes it a win-win situation for us.
205
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,873
Just try it a couple of months.
206
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:33,998
Then if you want to bail,
I'll sell it to the nail salon.
207
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,234
Look, why don't
you guys talk it over
208
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,736
while I feed Harry
something fatty and salty?
209
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,318
Honey, just... Honey,
look, even if we can make
210
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:43,886
the monthly payments, I
mean, you've already got a job.
211
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,321
How are you gonna
run a business?
212
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,645
Al. Al's 20% owner.
So, he'd work part-time.
213
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:50,781
Then I'd work part-time. And...
214
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:54,052
Marty! Have him work
full-time. He needs a job anyway.
215
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,401
I don't know. It's still
a huge undertaking.
216
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,356
I really want to give it a shot.
217
00:10:58,424 --> 00:11:01,559
It's not for me, it's for every
guy out there with a dream.
218
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:13,705
I don't think every guy out
there has the same dream, Tim.
219
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:19,511
This saw's $12 cheaper at Tool
Mart. Why should I buy it here?
220
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:21,212
We deliver.
221
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,614
But I'm already here.
222
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,385
All right, I'll tell you
what. I'll knock off a buck.
223
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,387
A buck? You gotta be kidding!
224
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,622
Look, I got customers
waiting, you know?
225
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:34,804
If Tool Mart is so much
cheaper, go shop there.
226
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,161
Good idea!
227
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,196
Wait, hold it...
228
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,864
Great sales technique, Marty.
229
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:45,803
I'm sorry, Tim. I guess I'm
not a very good salesman.
230
00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:48,784
It's not just you. We haven't done any
better with Al and I behind the counter.
231
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:50,186
I don't know how Harry does it.
232
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:53,490
I mean, it's impossible to move
merchandise at these prices.
233
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,446
I have a theory.
234
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:58,635
Let me guess. Harry had
a better selection of donuts.
235
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,519
Yes. But that's not my point.
236
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,468
What is your point, Benny?
237
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,801
Well, people had a long-standing
relationship with Harry,
238
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,736
so they were
willing to pay more.
239
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,327
Once Harry left,
240
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,697
people didn't have to feel guilty
about switching to Tool Mart.
241
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,376
I never thought I'd say this.
242
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,800
Benny's right.
243
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,671
I know I'm right. I bought a
faucet at Tool Mart this morning.
244
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,675
Saved myself a bundle.
245
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:28,846
I gotta hand it to you, Tim.
246
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,949
I mean, this is the worst investment
you ever could have made.
247
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:34,619
Way to problem-solve, Marty.
248
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,754
Well, hi-ho, tool Taylors.
249
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:38,990
Morning, Wilson.
250
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,603
Always nice to see
your face around here.
251
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,226
Well, thank you, Tim.
252
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,429
What can we do for you, Wilson?
253
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,564
Well, I stopped by
to buy a few things.
254
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,393
Stuff's a lot
cheaper at Tool Mart.
255
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,801
Marty!
256
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,604
Man, I stink at this!
257
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:55,083
Oh, I would never
shop at Tool Mart.
258
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,907
I'd rather spend
a little bit more
259
00:12:56,976 --> 00:12:59,288
and come down and get
personal service from Harry's.
260
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,180
I wish everybody felt
the same way you feel.
261
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:04,149
Business not going so good?
262
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,761
Well, let's put it this way, the
next time you come in here,
263
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,825
you'll be getting a
pedicure and a bikini wax.
264
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,324
Well, I did get
myself a new Speedo.
265
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,072
Wilson, we're not
making any money.
266
00:13:17,096 --> 00:13:19,008
What did Harry
have that we don't?
267
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,643
Well, people trusted Harry.
268
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:22,979
He was the kind of guy who
stood behind everything he sold.
269
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,981
He'd do anything for a customer.
270
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,404
I'm that kind of guy.
271
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:30,241
Well, I know that, Tim. But I'm
not sure everybody else does.
272
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,677
Then, Marty, we
gotta get the word out.
273
00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:35,913
I know! We can print up flyers!
Then we can get on our bikes
274
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,683
and we can plaster them
all over the neighborhood!
275
00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:40,993
Yippie-yi-yo-ki-yay!
276
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,887
Marty! Yeah!
277
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,433
And then... Wait a minute...
278
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,435
We'll sell lemonade
in the driveway!
279
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:49,527
And put cards in our spokes that
go like this! We'll have big lollipops!
280
00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,206
And then we'll
have a puppet show
281
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,942
for all the rest of the
kids in the neighborhood!
282
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,633
What the hell's the
matter with you?
283
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:07,756
We did that to prove a point.
284
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:10,681
That in the wrong hands,
even water is flammable.
285
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,094
That's right. And
we'll be right back
286
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:13,696
after these important
commercial messages.
287
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,653
(MUSIC PLAYS)
288
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,038
Hi, I'm Tim Taylor. You
probably know me from Tool Time.
289
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:26,764
What you probably don't know is I'm now
the proud new owner of Harry's Hardware.
290
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:28,711
Tim, aren't you
forgetting something?
291
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,300
Yes. And Al is
my silent partner.
292
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,169
Show them how that works.
293
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,673
That's very funny.
294
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:38,587
Well, in the past, Harry's Hardware
has been known for its personal service.
295
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,088
That's true. Every
time I shop there,
296
00:14:40,112 --> 00:14:41,724
people drop whatever
they're doing to help me.
297
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:44,815
Even the ones that
don't work there.
298
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,384
Now that service is
going to get even better.
299
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:52,723
That's right. We're proud to introduce
Harry's new Video Tool Library.
300
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,037
So, come on down to the
store and borrow a video
301
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:58,407
for any project you might be
working on, absolutely free!
302
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,230
Did you say free?
303
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:02,033
I said free!
304
00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:03,668
And that's not all.
305
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,548
If you have any questions
about any one of the videos,
306
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,471
you can call us at
our 24-hour tool line.
307
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,551
That's right. Tim and I
bought these cell phones
308
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,443
for the express purpose
of being there for you!
309
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,412
Al and I are standing
by 24 hours a day
310
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,992
to attend to all the questions of
our hardware store customers.
311
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:20,851
Call us anytime, 24 hours a
day, night or day, day or night!
312
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,153
(PHONE RINGING)
313
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:26,457
Harry's on call! No
problem too small!
314
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,427
No, Mother. This won't conflict
with square-dancing night.
315
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,163
Harry's Hardware!
316
00:15:32,231 --> 00:15:34,798
(PHONE RINGING)
317
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:37,079
Harry's on call. No problem
too small. Hold on a second.
318
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,780
Hold on, there's a great
pay-per-view movie on
319
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:39,982
and Mom's not home.
Can we watch it?
320
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,240
Yeah. Go ahead.
321
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,375
So, what's this
one called again?
322
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,177
Shakespeare in Lust.
323
00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:53,217
Oh, wow! Queen Elizabeth is
played by Busty Bartholomew.
324
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,852
I love her work.
325
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:56,387
(DOOR OPENING)
326
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,599
And after that, call
a licensed plumber.
327
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,058
Hi, guys. Thanks a lot. Bye.
328
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,759
Tim, are you not monitoring
what they're watching?
329
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:05,430
There's some woman on
there wearing a leather thong!
330
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,666
Not anymore.
331
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:13,604
Guys, finish up this scene
and shut this thing off!
332
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:14,939
What?
333
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,543
Does everybody
know what time it is?
334
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,111
ALL: Tool Time!
335
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:22,313
That's right. Binford
Tools is proud to present
336
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:25,649
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!
337
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,518
(CROWD CHEERING)
338
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:28,627
(WHOOPS)
339
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,953
(MUSIC PLAYING)
340
00:16:33,792 --> 00:16:36,594
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!
341
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:37,995
(MUSIC PLAYING)
342
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,868
Tim? Al? Where are you guys?
343
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,515
At Harry's hot line, we'd
recommend some oil or grease on that.
344
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,873
Well, how'd you get it in there?
345
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,274
Tim!
346
00:16:58,084 --> 00:16:59,917
Mmm.
347
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:02,553
Looks like somebody's
ready to come over to Daddy.
348
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:09,127
Actually, I was thinking of going
downstairs to meet the cable guy.
349
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,528
Well, see if you can't get
us some premium channels.
350
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:12,630
(LAUGHING)
351
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,298
Okay. Come here.
352
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:17,768
(PHONE RINGING)
353
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:19,770
Ignore it.
354
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:21,873
Just... I gotta do this.
355
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:25,075
Okay, Harry's hot line.
No problem too small.
356
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:26,777
Oh, a blocked toilet.
357
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:28,746
Yeah, yeah, that's
very, very hard.
358
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,393
Don't put drain cleaner in
there. No! That's not a good idea.
359
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:32,884
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
360
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:36,072
Well, you're gonna need a snake
or a crowbar to bust that sucker up.
361
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:40,925
Huh? Yeah.
362
00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:43,474
What the heck you
been eating, sir?
363
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:48,699
Yeah.
364
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:50,767
Okay, where were we? Nowhere.
365
00:17:50,836 --> 00:17:52,380
What do you mean "nowhere"?
366
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,382
Well, first of all, that phone
call was really disgusting.
367
00:17:54,406 --> 00:17:55,806
Worse for him.
368
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,953
And second of all, every
time we try to get romantic,
369
00:17:57,977 --> 00:17:59,844
one of your customers calls.
370
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,590
I'm trying to run a business.
371
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,014
Well, the business is
just ruining your whole life.
372
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,216
You haven't slept in weeks.
373
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:07,557
Well, it's working
though. I've been
374
00:18:07,581 --> 00:18:09,164
getting a lot of new
customers in the store.
375
00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:10,754
Yeah. But, honey, at what cost?
376
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,624
The more customers you get,
the harder you have to work.
377
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,270
It's affecting your
whole life, you know?
378
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:18,128
Your family, your work,
your health, my sex life.
379
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,566
You're not thinking of
calling Eddie, are you?
380
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,835
No. It's his turn to call me.
381
00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,072
I am so tired.
382
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,186
Maybe it was a dumb idea for
me buying this hardware store.
383
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:34,411
No. It wasn't a dumb idea.
384
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,914
You bought it because
you're just a passionate person.
385
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,716
That's what I love about you.
386
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,596
Yeah, I know. But my passion's
starting to get in the way of our passion.
387
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,919
Uh-huh.
388
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,231
And I really love
this hardware store,
389
00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:46,924
but I don't know if it's
worth giving up everything.
390
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,837
Well, you know, you don't
have to decide tonight.
391
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,461
You can sleep on it and
decide in the morning.
392
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,631
I don't feel like sleeping.
393
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:55,766
Oh, good.
394
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,579
I feel like waxing the hot rod.
395
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:59,469
I don't think so, Tim.
396
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:02,740
Good morning, Marty.
397
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,842
Hey, Tim. Business
was great today.
398
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,577
That's good. Pack
your things up.
399
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,713
I'm gonna sell
to the nail salon.
400
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,626
What are you talking about? You
mean I don't have a job anymore?
401
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:13,918
Depends how good you
are with an emery board.
402
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:16,865
Hey, Tim. Hey, Jeff.
403
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,433
Hey. What are you doing here?
404
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,202
Oh, I just came in to
get some keys made
405
00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:21,803
and Marty asked me to
take a look at the books.
406
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,461
Don't bother, Jeff.
I'll tell you the ending.
407
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,275
He's shutting down Harry's.
408
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:29,077
Really? Gee. Last week was the
store's best grossing week of the year.
409
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,134
It was?
410
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,735
I think this calls
for a celebration.
411
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,103
Free keys.
412
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:37,552
Well, take all the keys you
want. I'm still gonna sell the shop.
413
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,243
Oh, come on! Why?
414
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:42,412
Because I don't want
my wife dating Eddie!
415
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:47,017
That's not a problem. Eddie's
dating somebody else's wife.
416
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:49,698
Marty, I'm just not getting any
sleep. I'm working too much here.
417
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,833
Twenty-four-hour hot
line's pretty exhausting, huh?
418
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,925
Oh, by the way, thanks for
talking me through that toilet clog.
419
00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,575
I can't believe
the dream is over.
420
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:02,433
It doesn't have
to be. How's that?
421
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:04,579
Look, you've already got
people coming in the store.
422
00:20:04,603 --> 00:20:06,849
They know who you are. Maybe
you can cut back on the hot line hours.
423
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,416
Even if I cut back
on the hot line hours,
424
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,785
it's just, the workload's
too much for me to handle.
425
00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:13,054
Well, I might be interested
in coming in as a partner.
426
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:15,379
Yeah. You know, I
think I could spend
427
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,314
a few hours in the
store every week.
428
00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,961
You? Yeah. Of course.
429
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:21,419
I think this is a
good investment.
430
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:22,920
There's a kiss of death.
431
00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,255
Well, thank you for that.
432
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,291
I've saved a few
bucks. And, you know,
433
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,394
when Marty here gets back
on his feet in 20 or 30 years,
434
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,762
maybe he'll want
to come in, too.
435
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:34,143
What do you think? Wait, wait.
436
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:35,210
You're serious about this?
437
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,367
Yeah. Yes, it is.
438
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:38,655
This might be the
first time we've ever
439
00:20:38,679 --> 00:20:40,081
done something together
that was productive.
440
00:20:40,105 --> 00:20:44,274
No. No. Remember that time we dug
that really giant hole in the back yard?
441
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:46,410
Oh, yeah.
442
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:48,423
Oh, yeah. I was so excited
443
00:20:48,447 --> 00:20:51,292
that my big brothers were letting
me hang out with them finally.
444
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:55,385
Until I found out we were digging
that hole so you could stick me in it.
445
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:57,866
Just think what we could do
with a whole store full of shovels.
446
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,568
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sure.
447
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,937
I ain't gonna fall for
that one anymore.
448
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,729
You're gonna have
to find somebody else.
449
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,033
What are you looking at?
450
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:11,669
ALL: Somebody else.
451
00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:19,076
For the millionth time, you are
not going to Florida on spring break.
452
00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:20,744
But, Mom, will you hear me out?
453
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:22,891
All right. A lot of the parents
shared your concerns, all right?
454
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:24,648
Now we have five
chaperones going.
455
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:27,196
The boys are staying in one hotel
and the girls are staying in another.
456
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:28,952
We're gonna be
supervised 24 hours a day.
457
00:21:29,022 --> 00:21:31,889
And I promise, we
can't go anywhere alone.
458
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,757
So, why do you want to go?
459
00:21:36,662 --> 00:21:39,142
I don't think I do anymore.
460
00:21:44,237 --> 00:21:47,204
We did that to...
We just did that.
461
00:21:49,942 --> 00:21:51,019
WOMAN: Four, three...
462
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,576
Absolutely free!
463
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,178
Did you say free?
464
00:21:55,815 --> 00:21:59,083
(MIMICKING TIM) Oh, yes, I did!
465
00:21:59,152 --> 00:22:01,652
Listen, I know, we
can print up some...
466
00:22:08,794 --> 00:22:10,706
Yeah. They're moving to Arizona.
467
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:11,895
That's in Tucson, you know?
468
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:13,129
I know.
468
00:22:14,305 --> 00:23:14,175
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