1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,975
NARRATOR: Previously
on Home Improvement.
2
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:06,405
(SCREAMING)
3
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,673
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
4
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:11,610
That's not very ladylike!
5
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:19,150
Somebody call security!
6
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:24,389
If you're gonna turn this show into
a three-ring circus, I might just quit.
7
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,291
Sorry to lose you.
8
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,293
You were a good man.
9
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:33,665
Honey, a very prestigious
colleague of Dr. Hanover's
10
00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:36,079
has offered me a job at his
family clinic in Bloomington.
11
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:39,103
Must be a pretty screwed up
family if they have their own clinic.
12
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:45,777
This is really an incredible
opportunity for me. This man is amazing.
13
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You're serious about
moving to Indiana?
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Don't forget my
car's in the shop.
15
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,152
So, I'm gonna take your car
and drop you guys off at school.
16
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:56,789
Wait? What makes you think you
can just take my car just like that?
17
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:59,224
Because I paid for
half of it "just like that."
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Looks like we're gonna do this.
19
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,529
Yeah.
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00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:04,863
Move to Indiana.
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Yeah. You having
second thoughts at all?
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No. You?
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No. No.
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I guess I'll feel
better, you know,
25
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,511
when I make this
call to Dr. Lee,
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00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,540
tell him I've decided to come.
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00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:25,016
Yeah. I think you will.
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00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:29,488
So, have a great
Tool Time grand finale.
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You guys okay with
this move to Indiana?
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00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,260
Yeah. I think so.
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00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,995
Well, I'm totally depressed.
32
00:01:37,063 --> 00:01:38,975
This move's gonna be
hard on all of us. It really will.
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00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,632
Not about the move, Dad.
34
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:45,070
I'm a little depressed my "daddy"
is driving me to school in my car.
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00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:48,540
We're talking about family. It's
way more important than any car.
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00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,283
Well, it's just as
important as a car.
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00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,690
More important than some cars.
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00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:56,714
Dad, check the
gauge! We're out of gas!
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00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,261
Don't worry about it.
We've got plenty of gas
40
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,496
to get you guys to school
and me to Tool Time.
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00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,453
Dad, we're on "empty."
42
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,089
It's a fuel gauge.
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00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:07,559
"Empty" doesn't mean empty. It's
just a guide. Don't you know that?
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We got 10 miles left.
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00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,665
And it's only 5.3 to
get you to school...
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00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,834
Another 2.6 to Tool Time...
47
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:18,536
You add those
together, you, um...
48
00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:26,289
Well, you add them
together, you know, and, uh...
49
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,948
I don't know what it is,
but I know it's less than 10.
50
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,350
(CAR SPUTTERING)
51
00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,056
Well, that 10 miles
went by rather fast, huh?
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Use the free code JOINNOW at
www.playships.eu
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You know, it just seems like
yesterday you guys used to sit in my lap
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and hold the
wheel while I drove.
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Hey, don't get any ideas.
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00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:41,419
You know, that's gonna be
the hardest part about moving.
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00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:42,754
So many memories here.
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00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,903
This is where you guys grew up.
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00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,059
Group hug.
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00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,459
Oh, man!
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00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,774
Dad, we're too old for this.
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00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:54,199
You're too old for a group hug?
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00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,701
It's back to
individual ones, then.
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00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:02,808
♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad boy
65
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,610
♪ You make me feel so good ♪
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00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,679
(YELLING)
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00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,559
Mom! What?
68
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,027
Dad's cussing. I'm not cussing.
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00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:12,495
He said a bad
word. It wasn't bad.
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00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:14,319
Yeah, he said "hell" and "damn."
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00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:16,021
I did not say "damn."
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00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:17,488
Now you did.
73
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,026
Hey, Dad, I heard
a good joke today.
74
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,138
What was it?
75
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,595
Okay.
76
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,465
What did the moron
have for breakfast?
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00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:27,832
I don't know.
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00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:30,802
This morning you had
scrambled eggs and toast!
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00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:35,607
♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad boy
80
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:38,677
♪ You make me feel so good ♪
81
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:39,889
It's not that big a deal.
82
00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:41,223
I mean, I've had
detention before.
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00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:43,281
It's the first day of school!
84
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:49,054
No one ever gets detention
on the first day of school.
85
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,989
I wouldn't say no one.
86
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,604
No, it's gonna take
a minute to boot up.
87
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:58,796
I still have that old 286
chip on it. Not much power.
88
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:06,771
Are you saying this
thing needs more power?
89
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:11,142
Lemme open it up. I can
make this thing go faster.
90
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:12,555
Well, why don't we
just save you the trouble
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00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:15,146
and throw it up
against the wall?
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00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,247
BOTH: Oh, man!
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00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:20,151
♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad boy
94
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:23,254
♪ You make me feel so good ♪
95
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,604
Oh, so now you're telling
me what I can and can't write?
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00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,627
You're acting like
some tyrannical fascist.
97
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:32,964
Did he just call me a dinosaur?
98
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,967
Sex is, uh... It's like a car.
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00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,569
The best idea
100
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:42,274
is to keep the car in the
garage for a long, long, long time.
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00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:48,479
And then, somewhere in
the future, the distant future,
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00:05:48,548 --> 00:05:53,051
when that garage door opens,
you gotta think, "Car cover."
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00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,489
Guys, will you clean
up this pigsty, now?
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00:05:57,557 --> 00:06:00,092
Yeah. We'll get right on it.
105
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,861
(SIGHING)
106
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,242
Ah, look at this picture
of the kids. This is what?
107
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,833
The summer of
1991. Aren't they cute?
108
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:13,571
Hey.
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00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,839
Hey.
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00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:30,989
Hey, Brad. I'll take that
change from the gas money now.
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00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,491
Oh, yeah.
112
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:39,876
Maybe next time you'll fill
up the tank like I asked you to.
113
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,377
Hope you learned
something from this.
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00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:45,369
Yeah, that the "E" stands for
"empty," not "extra 10 miles."
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00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,184
I'll tell you one
thing. If I had built this
116
00:06:47,208 --> 00:06:48,817
car, it'd have an
extra fuel tank in it.
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00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:51,409
Dad, if you built this car,
we'd be taking the bus.
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00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:57,548
Hey, if there's one thing Dad knows
how to do, it's build a car, okay?
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00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:00,418
This is the greatest gift
you've ever given me.
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00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,754
I gave you three children.
121
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,757
Yeah. But none of
them came out this clean.
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00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:10,795
♪ Oh, switchblade 327
Lit cigarette in his hand
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00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:14,465
♪ Steel-toed boots on the
accelerator Oil leaking out of the pan
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00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,001
(IMITATING MOTORCYCLE ENGINE)
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00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:19,804
♪ Switchblade, three two-barrels
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00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,850
♪ Getting there
as fast as you can
127
00:07:21,874 --> 00:07:25,944
♪ All juiced up like a hot
carburetor Spitting gas on the fan
128
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:28,613
All right, under the
car. Man territory.
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00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:32,717
♪ Switchblade! 327
Switchblade! Seven come 11
130
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,152
♪ Switchblade!
Oh, he's all right ♪
131
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,587
I'm addicted to cars.
132
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:38,256
Well, duh!
133
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:41,626
I'm thinking of checking
into the Henry Ford Clinic.
134
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:02,780
Dad, can we stop?
I'm really hungry.
135
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:06,129
How can you be hungry? Your
mom just cooked us breakfast.
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00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,818
Did you eat it?
137
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,688
It was good oatmeal.
138
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,590
It was scrambled eggs.
139
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:16,260
Bad scrambled eggs.
140
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,029
Yeah. When I get married,
141
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:21,299
I'm gonna make a woman prove
to me that she's a good cook.
142
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:24,869
That's why you're gonna
be 80, alone and very hungry.
143
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,984
Come on! Cooking has
nothing to do with a relationship.
144
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,787
Your mom and I
have a good marriage
145
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:34,078
because we share an
honest, mutual respect.
146
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,514
How could you say that?
147
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,461
Why do you always bug
me during the football game?
148
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:40,766
Did I bug you during childbirth?
149
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:45,156
No. But you bugged
me during conception.
150
00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:46,969
Little gas ball.
Moving... Moving.
151
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:47,993
(BELCHING)
152
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:51,863
Ahh!
153
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,731
This is real attractive.
154
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,202
I just read this survey,
155
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,882
and it said that some couples,
no matter how busy they are,
156
00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:03,007
still make love
five times a week.
157
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,675
With each other?
158
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,647
Where were we?
159
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:16,120
It's kind of hard to remember.
160
00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,656
This will refresh your memory.
161
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,725
(BELCHES)
162
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:28,944
Can't we just... Can't
we just... No, no...
163
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,380
One time. Just think,
think, think. No... No... No...
164
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:32,770
But... Home-automated
system! No! No!
165
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,484
We never actually said that we
weren't gonna have another baby.
166
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:38,309
I've said it. I've talked about
it. I know I've talked about it.
167
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:39,911
I mentioned it on Tool Time.
168
00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:43,459
Oh, great. So 11
people know about it?
169
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:48,519
Do you remember babies
at all? Dirty diapers. Colic.
170
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,655
2:00 a.m. feedings!
3:00 a.m. feedings!
171
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,024
I don't have the
energy for that anymore.
172
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,403
You don't have
the energy to say,
173
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,794
"Wake up, Jill, the
baby wants you"?
174
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,010
Sorry. I'm sorry!
Mark was right.
175
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,833
(GROANS)
176
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:06,263
You shouldn't have double
onions on those chili dogs.
177
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,373
Hello.
178
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:19,795
Your mom and I have had
our share of disagreements,
179
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:21,931
but in the end, it doesn't
matter, you know?
180
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,395
Because one of us
always apologizes.
181
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,292
You? Yup.
182
00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:29,805
It was a good thing that you
had Wilson here to help you out.
183
00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:33,831
Well, he's learned as much
from me as I have from him.
184
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:37,769
Tim, would you mind
listening while I ruminate?
185
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,805
No, go ahead. Use the
bush over by the gazebo.
186
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,722
There was a time when I
thought my extensive research
187
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,713
into ancient tribal cultures,
obscure scientific data,
188
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:51,950
the thoughts of great philosophers
would never come in handy.
189
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,286
Then you moved in.
190
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:58,756
I like to create, Wilson. Everything I
do I want to make bigger and better.
191
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:03,861
Well, Tim, this obsessive
desire to create partly happens
192
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,730
because men feel
inferior to women.
193
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:07,799
(GRUNTS)
194
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:11,635
It's because we
can't bear children.
195
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,704
I don't mind the boys that much.
196
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:21,746
Wilson, you're not
making me feel any better.
197
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:26,784
Well, excuse me! Why do I always
have to be Santa's little helper?
198
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:27,919
Well...
199
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,087
I mean, I have
wants. I have needs.
200
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:32,935
I have issues. But does anyone
ever come to the fence and say,
201
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:34,937
"Wilson, do you have
a problem?" I mean, no!
202
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:38,596
It's just "Me, me, me, me!"
203
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,899
You know, Tim, I'm reminded of
an old philosopher who once said,
204
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:44,802
"You have to give
a little, take a little..."
205
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,405
"Let your poor
heart break a little."
206
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,654
♪ That's the story of
♪ That's the story of
207
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,179
♪ That's the glory of love
♪ That's the glory of love ♪
208
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,547
(HONKING)
209
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,549
Hey, there.
210
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,852
I get recognized everywhere.
211
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:04,021
Dad, he was honking
because you took up two lanes.
212
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:08,537
He was thrilled to see me. That's
why he was waving his hand.
213
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,561
Dad, that was only
part of his hand.
214
00:12:12,632 --> 00:12:16,152
He was saying, "Tool
Time is number one."
215
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:18,780
Does everybody
know what time it is?
216
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:20,772
Tool Time! Tool Time!
217
00:12:21,841 --> 00:12:23,541
Hi. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
218
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:24,953
And you all know my assistant,
219
00:12:24,977 --> 00:12:27,011
Al "This Land is" Borland.
220
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,389
JILL: Oh, my God!
221
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:13,657
What is this thing on your head?
222
00:13:14,327 --> 00:13:16,394
It's a little piece of table.
223
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:19,964
What happened?
224
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,299
Oh, Mr. Negativity
Al distracted me,
225
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,101
and I got my head
cemented to this table.
226
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:27,272
They had to take a saber
saw to get me off of that table.
227
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,251
Don't you think you should
go to the emergency room?
228
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:33,711
I was just there. They
said I wasn't a priority.
229
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:37,248
Why? Was there a guy with a
whole table stuck to his head?
230
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:39,951
What do we need?
231
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,986
More power! More power!
232
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,457
(GRUNTING)
233
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,093
Come on, guys!
234
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,726
(GRUNTS)
235
00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:51,562
Jam it in the light.
236
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,003
Stuff like this.
237
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,640
(YELLING)
238
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,480
Here you go, Tim.
239
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,192
(YELLING)
240
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:42,547
The one good thing about Tool
Time being over is no more accidents.
241
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,481
We still have a house.
242
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,450
You know what they say.
243
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:49,486
Every year, over 100,000
accidents occur in the home.
244
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,156
And 99,000 of those
occur in our home.
245
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:56,060
All right, Dad.
246
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,028
Let her rip.
247
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:00,476
No, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
I think we should say a prayer first.
248
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,800
Please, Lord. Don't
let our house blow up.
249
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:05,536
♪ I get knocked
down But I get up again
250
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,550
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down
251
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,207
♪ I get knocked
down But I get up again
252
00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:12,120
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down
253
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,646
♪ I get knocked
down But I get up again
254
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,714
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down
255
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,283
♪ I get knocked
down But I get up again
256
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,786
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down
257
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,298
Ground. We're looking to ground.
258
00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:24,956
Yellow, see?
259
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:28,960
The sun is yellow. It heats the
ground. That's how they name stuff.
260
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,599
Is that car running?
261
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,636
(TIM SCREAMING)
262
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,642
Oh, shake it off.
263
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:51,616
♪ I get knocked
down But I get up again
264
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,328
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down
265
00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:55,953
♪ I get knocked
down But I get up again
266
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:58,122
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down
267
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,257
Oh!
268
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,931
TIM: It's okay. The ground
seems to have broken my fall.
269
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,667
♪ Get knocked
down But I get up again
270
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,547
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down
271
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:14,205
♪ I get knocked
down But I get up again
272
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,941
♪ You're never
gonna keep me down ♪
273
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,677
You know, Marge,
it's kind of gratifying
274
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:23,014
to be here in the hospital
and not be a patient.
275
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:24,148
See you, "Tool Man."
276
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,550
Hey, buddy.
277
00:16:28,521 --> 00:16:31,761
Well, maybe you can have
that feeling another day.
278
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,603
Hey, thanks for the ride, Dad.
279
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,096
You bet.
280
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,732
Yeah. Go get 'em at Tool
Time. Yeah. Break a leg, huh?
281
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,233
Oh, you know what I mean.
282
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:45,102
Hey, guys?
283
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,483
I probably don't say this enough
to you two, but I love you guys.
284
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,718
I'm really happy the way you
guys turned out, you know?
285
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:53,302
You're smart,
hard-working, honest boys.
286
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:59,516
Here's the rest
of that gas money.
287
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:01,866
I knew you were holding out.
288
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:03,861
Get out of here.
289
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,122
BRAD: Later, Dad. Love you.
290
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,568
Have a good day, Dad. You, too.
291
00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:08,159
MARK: Love you.
292
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,027
A lot of memories.
293
00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:18,313
I'm perfectly happy being
married to a man who thinks that
294
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:21,271
PBS is something that
women get once a month.
295
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:27,812
Honey, it is much safer for
a man to get a vasectomy
296
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,525
than it is for a woman
to have a tubal ligation.
297
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:34,452
Says who? The Wives
with Knives Club?
298
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,788
A woman? You brought
me here to see a woman?
299
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,334
I didn't know she was a woman.
300
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:40,836
My gynecologist just said
301
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,928
that Dr. Kaplan was
the best urologist in town.
302
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:49,133
How am I supposed to talk to a woman
about what's going on in man land?
303
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:54,438
Man land? Now you got a
theme park between your legs?
304
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:58,241
Demolition derby...
Ooh. Sexy wife...
305
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,523
Could you hold that thought
until about 10:00 tonight?
306
00:18:01,547 --> 00:18:03,881
Wait a minute.
This thought here?
307
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,622
That... That would be the one.
308
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,759
What causes sibling rivalry?
309
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:17,829
Having more than one kid.
310
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,399
You fired the granite guy?
311
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,348
Did you hear what I
said? He came on to me.
312
00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:28,317
What did he say? You had
a nice outfit or something?
313
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:29,841
He kissed me.
314
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:34,646
What did you do?
315
00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:36,213
I... I pushed him away!
316
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,459
Well, you should have fired him!
317
00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:39,416
I did fire him!
318
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:41,719
You fired the granite guy?
319
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:45,234
It's always been my
fantasy to be with a man
320
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,402
who enjoyed doing
the same things I do.
321
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:51,495
You know, like taking me to
the opera, the ballet, the theater.
322
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,096
That's my fantasy too.
323
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,777
Really? Uh-huh.
324
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,869
If I could find that man, I
wouldn't have to go myself.
325
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,941
Our wedding was so beautiful.
326
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:08,712
I am so glad that I didn't let
anybody talk me out of marrying you.
327
00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:14,964
Who tried to talk you
out of marrying me?
328
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,588
Oh, no one. You know, just
329
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:21,425
my mom, my dad,
my sisters, my friends,
330
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:26,931
the minister, the postman,
some guys down at the mailbox.
331
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:37,808
♪ It's hard to say goodbye
332
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:41,345
♪ You're much more than a friend
333
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:45,416
♪ When good times
becomes memories
334
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:49,486
♪ They never really end
335
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:53,157
♪ Like ancient rites of passage
336
00:19:53,225 --> 00:19:57,093
♪ It's time to carry on
337
00:19:57,162 --> 00:20:01,532
♪ We caught
lightning in a bottle
338
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:06,337
♪ As we went along
339
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,974
♪ We've got it all
340
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,278
♪ Wouldn't change a minute
341
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:17,748
♪ We've got it all
342
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:22,219
♪ Never will forget it
343
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:25,823
♪ As years go slipping by us
344
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:29,426
♪ You know we will recall
345
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:32,396
♪ These times
we've found together
346
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:36,800
♪ We've got it all
347
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:43,874
♪ Long goodbyes
never suited you and me
348
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:47,077
♪ You know if God is willing
349
00:20:47,145 --> 00:20:51,481
♪ We'll go on eternally
350
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:58,188
♪ We've got it all ♪
351
00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:10,901
(SIGHS)
352
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:14,050
I can't believe this
is my last Tool Time.
353
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:23,647
Well, those 10 miles
went by rather fast, huh?
354
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:32,529
I tell you to fill the
car up, do as I say.
355
00:21:32,591 --> 00:21:34,758
I hope you learned that.
356
00:21:34,826 --> 00:21:36,860
Yeah, I learned that the "E"...
357
00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:41,643
I'll tell you one thing. Wilson's
learned enough from me,
358
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:44,701
you know, to fill a bushel
basket full of pears.
358
00:21:45,305 --> 00:22:45,387
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