Tea.
It is about time!
Oh!
Hey, tohru,
the Japanese cultural expo starts tomorrow.
Wall-to-wall music, food, and the coolest techno gear.
(Groans)
Uh, something the matter?
Uncle: Forgetting tea is what is the matter!
This is a pot of water.
Oh, sorry.
You've been acting all weird lately.
Come on, you can tell me.
It's uncle, right? That garlic smell?
It's my mother.
What, is she sick or... You have a mom?
She is arriving from Japan
to attend the expo.
She is a big fan of kare noke
and her yodeling kabukis.
The screechy country singer? Yuck!
But what's so yuck about a visit from your mom?
(Groans)
I am the black sheep.
All I've ever wanted
was for my mother to be proud of me.
Well, she will be. Look at you.
You're handsome and...
Big.
You've got, uh... You're big.
You do not understand.
My mother is very hard to please.
Tea.
Thank you.
(Gasps)
Mommy.
Mommy? Mommy?
This where you live?
(Groans)
You gave up good job
with nice Mr. valmont for this?
Nice?
Hello? Doesn't she know valmont's a crook?
No, and please do not tell her.
My son...
A servant in a junk shop!
Junk shop?
This is an antique store.
Huh! Only antique I see is the Billy goat there.
Billy goat!
Mommy. Hush up!
Dragon lady should watch her forked tongue
unless she wants a piece of uncle.
Huh! I would sweep floor with you.
And this floor needs it.
Ugh.
Evil eye cannot work on me.
Huh! What junk seller know about work?
Please, both of you.
Tohru's mother has jet lag
from her long flight.
My uncle is stressed
from working all night on translations.
(Telephone rings)
Phone call.
Hello?
Hope I didn't catch you
in the middle of anything, Jackie.
Uh, uncle and tohru's mom are getting acquainted.
Ah. Family time.
Mom: Cheap junk.
Tsing dynasty.
Black: Could be trouble brewing on the horizon.
Oh!
Believe me, I know.
The octopus will be on exhibit at the Japanese expo.
I'd feel better if you were there
to assist with security.
Uh, you want me to guard a fish?
Actually, octopuses aren't fish. They're multipods.
Octopi.
Please behave!
Sorry.
Grammar was never my best subject in school.
Oh, you mean the Kyoto octopus.
It is the most famous relic
of the komodo dynasty.
Intelligence sources indicate
that the yokanawa crime family
has the octopus in its sights.
Huh! Why don't you get some light in here?
Thought bats could see in the dark.
This must stop!
My thinking exactly.
I'll set it up.
Thanks for you help, Jackie.
Huh?
Ugh. Dragon lady waste of my energy.
Must get back to work.
Fine!
Show me my room, tohru.
Uncle: No room here!
What do you think, this is a hotel?
Only for roaches.
Your hotel, mommy.
A boy your age, doesn't even own a car.
Makes his mother walk in a typhoon!
Oh.
Does it have fish?
This is a Sushi restaurant.
Everything has fish.
I hate fish.
Miso soup. Uh, small.
Hey, isn't that the mountain
that does the knuckle crunching for valmont?
Not anymore.
Ain't you heard? He's gone straight.
The bigger they are, the faster they go soft.
Ha ha! Looks like a real mama's boy.
Your soup.
(Slurps)
(Panting)
Can I offer you a ride?
I will walk.
Come on, tohru.
It is tohru, isn't it?
I'll drop you anywhere you say.
Oh.
Boss: Plush, right?
This baby's outfitted with the works.
Fridge, computer...
Tohru: Soda?
May I have the grape?
Sure. Whatever you like.
Ahh.
Grape is my favorite.
That's 'cause you got good taste.
So, uh, tohru,
I got a proposition for you.
No, thank you.
Just hear me out.
This isn't just some 2-bit heist.
What I've got in mind has 8 legs
and is loaded with jewels.
You will kidnap kare noke
and her yodeling kabukis?
Kare noke and her... ha ha ha!
I love this guy!
No, my friend.
I'm talking about the Kyoto octopus.
I don't think so.
Hey, for old time's sake. Serious payday.
Could buy yourself a car just like this one.
Make your mom proud.
Must call landlord,
tell him to spray for vermin.
Button your lip, windbag.
I am here to see my boy.
Tohru is out. Where?
Do not know.
Huh! Lousy boss.
Can't keep track of own employees.
That's not fair.
Uncle's a great boss,
and tohru loves it here.
You are a sweet girl,
very cute.
But please do not speak of matters
beyond your understanding, child.
Should have seen tohru
when he worked for Mr. valmont.
Had his own room.
Big!
Always a spare bed for his mother.
Valmont? Ah. Valmont was a...
Uncle!
Uh, heh. Ix-nay on the almont-vay.
Ah, child speaks many languages.
And look at you!
Cannot even speak English!
Speak English better than you!
Do not! Do, too!
In your dreams, junk monger!
Eyah!
Hyah! Kak-kak-kyah!
Oh.
Mom: Gave up good job with nice Mr. valmont for this?
Servant in a junk shop!
Boss: Kyoto octopus.
Black: Serious payday.
Boss: Buy yourself a car just like this one.
Tohru: Grape.
Uncle: Cheap?! I am not cheap!
Ha! I see the rags tohru wears.
Same clothes as when he worked for valmont.
Jackie: Ah! I have no time
to play referee for the both of you.
Must get over to the expo.
Play security guard for an octopus.
Boss: You made a wise choice, tohru.
What do I do?
Nothing fancy.
You cruise into the expo,
create a diversion.
Meanwhile, my boys make an end run,
nab the octopus.
One tiny problem, tohru.
Word is, you double-crossed
your old boss valmont.
That you're a rat.
I am no rat.
Yeah? Prove it!
I have information.
Yeah?
Um, Jackie chan will be working security at the expo.
I heard of him.
They say he's unbeatable.
Nobody is unbeatable.
I trust you'll take care
of this Jackie chan personally, tohru.
And I mean permanently.
(Chatter)
Whoa!
Jade, how did you get in here?
Security's lousy.
You have to leave. Things could get ugly.
Go! Go! Go!
Not on my salary.
Aah!
Wha...?
A little backup!
Tohru?
Whah!
I knew we couldn't trust this guy!
Whoa! Unh.
Whoa.
Octo-jacking in progress.
Ow!
Banzai!
Thank you for the tip-off, tohru.
Of course.
Your mom will be very proud.
Tohru has a mom?
(Gasps)
The octopus!
And this one's not just a smokescreen!
(Both groaning)
(Tohru grunting)
Oh.
Oh!
Jackie and tohru! Where?
Uh, here's the deal:
You give us the octopus,
or your boys do a meet-and-greet
with a shark.
Market street Sushi bar. One hour.
Come through the front door,
and come alone.
Well?
No problem.
Trade octopus for young ones.
Wait, one problem.
What?
I have no octopus.
Jade: You do now.
Pretty good for a child, huh?
Well, what are we waiting for?
Tohru and Jackie need us.
Us, not you.
Me, not us.
Youngster-nappers say come alone.
Ha! Foolish old junk monger
cannot handle this alone.
Uh, why don't I just...
No! No! Hmmph.
I will phone captain black.
In the meantime,
stay here and watch the shop.
Watch the shop, huh?
Well...
Watched it.
Nobody double-crosses
the yokanawa mob, tohru.
You just made the biggest,
dumbest, and last mistake
of your life.
But you have a deal, right?
Once you get the octopus, you set us free.
Ha ha! Once we get the octopus,
you and your chum are gonna be chum.
Fish bait.
I do not like fish.
Hey, check this out, boys.
Walkin' the dog.
Wha...? Hey!
Uncle! Mommy!
Hey, I said front door
and to come alone!
I told her.
See, I told you!
Ah! Would have lost your way!
Near-sighted mule
can barely see hook nose
in front of his face.
Eyesight good enough to see the hair
growing out of that mole!
That is a beauty mark!
Quit the squabblin',
and put the fish on the table.
Uh, boss?
Technically,
an octopus is a member
of the multipod family, and...
Put the fish on the table!
Uncle, don't!
Jackie, be quiet!
There. Now we all go home.
What say we make it a family affair?
Throw 'em all in the tank!
Eyee! Yak-kak-kah!
Whoa. Nice move.
You watching, junk man?
Watching, but seeing nothing special.
Hand is quicker than the eye.
Hyah!
Unh.
But should have been watching the foot.
Unh.
Ah, get this over with.
I came a long way to hear kare noke sing.
Ha! You call that singing?
(Sings out of tune)
Tone-deaf owl
is cruising for a bruising!
Another trick I've been working on.
Oh.
Jackie! Tohru!
Jade, what are you doing here?
Oh, never mind. Give us a hand!
Oh, no, you don't!
Whoa!
Unh.
Whoa!
Tohru: Oh!
(Both gurgling)
Aah!
(Jade struggling)
Jade!
I'm ok.
Mommy?
Uncle?
No Ms.
(Gasps)
Where is the octopus?
Mr. yo-yo mob took it.
Well, I'm sure he's miles away by now.
Wha...?
Hey!
Unh.
My favorite trick... Around the world.
Nice work, Jackie.
I am very sorry
for the unpleasantness, mommy.
My brave little boy.
You make your mother proud.
I am glad that you are not hurt.
And also glad you are with people
who care about you.
Jackie, Jade, the Billy goat.
Hmmph.
I will show you a Billy goat!
Hyah!
Ayee-yak-yak-yah!
Whoa. Oh, no! Stop it, both of you!
Looks like the beginning
of a beautiful relationship.
Uh, want to go back to the Japanese expo?
I have heard kare noke and her yodeling kabukis
put on a very good show.
Jackie: Uncle! Tohru's mommy! Mom: Eyaah-kak-kak-kah!
Don't! Oh!
Uncle: Hyah! Eeyah!
Man: Hey, Jackie,
what's your favorite kind of music?
I like rock songs because it makes me,
like, uh, when I'm training,
I like this kind of music.
Celine Dion,
Mariah Carey,
Whitney Houston.
I really can hear what is she saying.
Then I can practice my English.
So many...
Bee gees, carpenter,
abba. Beatles? No.
I'm too young.