Jackie: The museum will be very pleased
to have the golden dragon returned to Hong Kong.
How come? They've been yapping on TV
how it broke all kinds of attendance records.
Yes, but maintaining security has been difficult.
There were at least 2 attempts to steal it.
Uh... Make that 3.
(Gasps)
Hey!
Uhh!
Quickly! Quickly!
Jackie!
No! Dah!
Looks like we hooked the wrong fish.
How do we get rid of him?
They don't call them sky scrapers for nothing.
Aah!
Bad day, bad day!
Bad day!
Uhh!
Aah!
(Whoosh)
The elevator is too slow.
Heh heh.
Uncle: 8 cantonese faces.
12, 13, 14...
You should have seen me!
Rescuing the dragon, chasing off the bad guys!
Oh, I mean, uncle Jackie helped, too.
Less talk, more counting,
how many chopsticks?
15, sensei.
15? Chopsticks always come in pairs.
Count again!
Yep! Thanks to us,
that dragon's loaded up and sailin' to...
Jackie: No, it's not, Jade.
The cargo ship was not a secure enough transport.
The museum decided that with the thieves still at large,
the golden dragon will instead travel to Hong Kong
on the last place anyone would think to look:
A cruise ship. I will accompany it.
Tsh. You lucked out.
Yes. The only problem is that the museum
has given me a 2-room suite.
I do not know what to do with all that extra space.
I'm going on a cruise! Yes!
Ha ha ha. All of us are going.
Uncle, tohru...
Huh? Uncle does not cruise!
Uncle does inventory!
Uncle, when was the last time
you took a real vacation?
Let me see.
(Abacus clicking)
3, 4, carry the one.
Never! So, why start now?
Because it'll be wicked fun!
Come on. Please?
Heh...
Ay, uh...
Eeh. Brown eyes get uncle every time.
Fine. I'll go.
Yes!
I will stay here.
Tohru, hello?
Swimming pools, whale watching.
All the shrimp you can eat.
Ok, strike that. All the pizza you can eat?
I cannot travel on a ship.
Tsh. Knew I shouldn't have taken you to see Titanic.
That was just a movie, tohru.
It's not that, Jade.
I get seasick.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh. You're serious.
Hey, there's medicine you can take for that.
I have tried.
Nothing helps.
Well, guess what.
I have a guaranteed cure for seasickness.
You do?
Meet you back at section 13, Jackie.
Gotta go pack!
12 inches thick
and absolutely state of the art.
Most banks don't have a vault this secure.
I'm sure it is more security than is necessary.
Midnight rollerblading, video arcade, dessert 24-7.
Cruising is so cool.
Ahh! Waste of time.
Will not even be able to get a good cup of tea.
Woman: He drinks tea?
Thought Billy goats only eat tin cans.
Ay ah!
Fat dragon locked in vault!
Tohru, what's your mom...
Um, Jackie said it would be all right
to have her join us.
Where are you going, uncle?
To lifeboat! Row back to shore!
Good! I have better things to do
than hang around with junk-seller.
I visit with my boy, relax,
play a little mahjong.
You play mahjong?
No. I win at mahjong.
5-time all-Kyoto finalist.
Hong king community center champion 1955.
Beat you with one hand tied behind back.
Ha! Big talker.
How about you put your tiles where your mouth is.
Jade: Where have you been, tohru?
You totally missed dinner
and the make-your-own- sundae bar.
They had everything. Whipped cream, nuts...
(groans)
I think tohru has still not found his sea legs, Jade.
You said you had a cure for seasickness, Jade.
Oh?
Uh-huh. I do.
It's, uh... Hypnotism!
Read a book about it.
Ah. This I would like to see.
We kind of need privacy, Jackie.
Now, just watch my hand.
(Gasps) The horse talisman.
The healer.
My little pony's guaranteed to cure what ails you.
But you are forbidden to remove the talismans from section 13.
Ok, if that's the way you feel.
Thought so.
Well?
(Stomach growls)
Ahh. Do you think there is any orange sherbet left?
Ha! I win again.
Ah, you cheat again.
Every time I sneeze, you move a tile.
You sneeze, all the tiles move.
Bird beak nose should have its own zip code!
Grrr!
Hmm. 7 through zero upgrade. It's got a titanium shell.
Can you crack it?
Only one way to find out.
(Snoring)
(Loud snoring)
Huh? Who's sawing?
What are you doing out here, tohru?
Could not sleep.
I know what you mean. Your mom snores like a lawn mower.
I tossed my crackers.
Huh? Oh, you mean you tossed your cookies.
Guess the cure's like medicine.
Gotta keep taking it.
I'll get the talisman.
Talisman? Where is it, Jade?
(Footsteps)
I will be checking on the dragon after breakfast.
If I do not find the talisman in the vault,
you will be spending the rest of the cruise
inside your room.
Hyuh! Yah! Huhh!
Status.
(Sighs) Impervious.
Unh... Er... Uhh!
"How many times have I told you
the talismans are dangerous?"
Tsh. Tohru losing his lunch is dangerous.
Man: I can attempt a circuitry bypass,
but as soon as a crew member
accesses. The ship's computer,
he'll know we're online.
Then I guess we better
go with our contingency plan.
Basil, butch...
We're taking over the ship.
Unh... Come on, come on.
Unh... Err... Uhh!
Butch...
Hmm. You lose at mahjong, Chinese checkers.
Billy goat care to try gin rummy?
I prefer a game of skill. Shuffleboard.
Uh, how about relaxing by the pool?
Quiet! Quiet!
(Tohru groans)
Tohru, how is my baby boy feeling today?
A little better, mommy.
Come. A walk will do you good.
Where are we walking to?
Breakfast. Ocean air always gives me a big appetite.
Eggs, bacon, biscuits.
Tohru?
(Groans)
P.A.: Attention, all passengers.
This is your captain.
Please assemble in the ballroom
for a mandatory safety presentation.
Heh! Not yet have morning tea!
(People talking)
Ha! What kind of ship they running?
Captain calls meeting, no captain here!
Something is wrong.
Afraid the captain and crew are indisposed, folks.
The ship is now under my command.
What? Huh?
(All gasp)
Laser cage.
I suspect these are the same men
as from the helicopter.
They are after the dragon.
Good. They can have her.
Funny man won't be so funny
when I whoop you at shuffleboard!
Excuse me, tohru! Thank you!
One of the rabbits jumped his cage.
Maori fighting stick!
Drum stick! Heh.
Wha...?!
Aah! Uhh!
Oh!
Wah! Unh!
Ohh...
Unh! Ohh...
(Feebly) Thank you, tohru.
I am going to be sick.
Aah!
How much longer?
Access code variables are infinitely exponential.
In English.
Working on it.
I win. Again.
(Paper crumpling)
Heh! That's because you have "xs."
"Xs" always win!
All will be settled on shuffleboard court!
Oh, Jackie, would you please stop pacing?
Sorry. I am very worried about Jade.
These are dangerous men.
Jade: Don't worry, uncle Jackie.
I got it all covered.
Uhh! Jade!
Ok, here's the plan.
You distract him. I'll do my famous flying drop kick.
That will... no, Jade.
I have a better plan.
Find the communications room and signal an s.O.S.
But... and please hurry!
Yeah, that's always my favorite part of the movie...
When the hero makes a phone call.
Uh, hello? Mayday! Mayday!
Can someone connect me to section 13?
It's a top secret organization.
Uh, they're probably not listed.
On second thought, just get me the coast guard.
Someone's on the ship-to-shore.
Jade: The ship has been taken over by a...
A bunch of thieving pirates!
What is your location?
Prince Arnold cruise ship.
And we're, like, a few hundred miles from San Francisco.
No, what is your location? Where are you on the ship?
Well, I'm in the radio room,
but what's that got to do with...
Uh-oh.
(Crumpling)
Uh, you're breaking up. Over and out!
Butch...
Right.
Got us a wild rabbit.
I'll hunt her down.
Jade.
(Grumbling)
She's in the air ducts.
Too tight for butch.
I have a solution.
Nice plan, Jackie.
This time, we do it my way.
A little surprise attack and... wha...?
Hey, who turned on the air conditioning?
Whoa! Whoa! Unh!
Uh, which way to the pool?
Got her.
Good. If anyone actually intercepted that ship-to-shore,
we'll be crawling with coast guard.
Another 20 minutes and...
New plan. We blow the vault.
We discussed this, giles. Too risky.
If a fire breaks out or we breach the hull...
Just do it!
Ow!
Hey! Come back here!
30 seconds.
(Gasps)
Slippery little eel, ain't ya?
Well, maybe it'd be best to return you to the water.
Uh, see this? It has magic powers, and...
And it'll blast you if I say the magic words!
Yeah. Right.
(Boom)
Aah!
(Water gushing)
I warned you.
The vault's open, isn't it?
Yes, and so is a piece of the hull.
No more magic! Please?
What's with all the sirens?
The ship is sinking!
The passengers... In the ballroom!
I'm all over it.
Jade to the rescue!
(All gasp)
Everyone, calmly to the lifeboats.
(Everyone screaming)
There will not be enough time to evacuate.
The talisman, Jade...
Perhaps we can use it to heal the ship.
Ok, but you're breaking your rule about...
Jade! All right!
Uh, uh, I think I lost it,
uh, in the galley!
I will find it!
Please climb into a lifeboat with the others!
(Passengers arguing)
We're near capacity, captain!
The boats can and will accommodate every passenger
and crew member.
But we never really had anyone his size.
That boat? Bobbing up and down? Ohh.
I will stay here.
If my baby not going, I not going!
Bah! Take the Billy goat!
Ha! Nice try.
Uncle not leave ship until whip you at shuffleboard!
Take Jade. Where is she?
Jackie'll never find that talisman
without my eagle eyes.
The golden dragon!
You don't really think you're going to stop us?
No. Take the artifact.
I only want to protect the ship
and the people aboard it.
I don't believe you.
Take care of him, boys.
We'll meet you topside.
Uhh! What about butch and basil?
They snooze, they lose.
Hyuh!
Aah! Huh!
Uhh! Oh, gah!
Wah!
Aha?
Jade: Don't make me use this.
Uhh! Get out of here before she blows us up!
Trust me.
Blow us up?
It's a long story.
Let us hope this works.
(All gasp)
Look at that!
Ohh...
I don't believe it.
(Retches)
Ahh! Finally we can relax
and enjoy the cruise.
Where is tohru?
You got me. Haven't seen him
since your big lecture about how
"the talisman is not to leave the vault."
It's nice to see those 2
actually enjoying each other's company.
Ah, junk monger, weak as scrawny chicken. Gah!
Toothless old bat got nothing! Uhh...
Hey, Jackie...
Yes?
What do you do on rainy days?
Actually, I will drive my car,
especially at night, middle of the night,
like at 3:00, 4:00. Just by myself.
I let the rain...
Then I will stop, you know, somewhere
around, beside the highway.
Have a sun roof with all the glass is on the top.
I just listen to music. Listen to rain.
Really, really, really relaxing.