English tour guide: Right this way, please.
Prepare to gaze upon england's greatest mystery.
Stonehenge lies just beyond that hill.
Who assembled these massive stones, and why? No one knows.
But one thing is certain.
Stonehenge shall forever be... whoa!
(Gasps)
Missing?
There it is.
Your very own fax machine.
I do not need such a device, Jackie.
Uncle gets all his facts from books.
Not facts, uncle. Fax.
It can transmit and receive documents electronically.
It sends paper through the telephone.
This could take a while.
Here. I will show you.
Jade, please find something we can fax.
How 'bout the news?
Whoa. Check it out.
"Stonehenge disappears."
Come on.
This sounds like a job for Jackie chan.
No, it does not.
While I am very concerned about this theft
as an archaeologist,
I am an archaeologist,
and this is a job for the proper authorities.
Oh!
Besides, we already have an exciting mission planned.
We do?
I am taking you overseas
on a real live archaeological dig!
Here. Your very own set
of excavation brushes.
Oh, Joy.
Jade: England?! I can't believe this.
The stonehenge crime scene is 50 miles from here,
and you don't even want to check it out?
Look, Jade. A button.
Jackie, everybody knows stonehenge has magical powers.
What if it's fallen into the wrong hands?
Some people think stonehenge is magic,
but some people think it is a beacon
for signaling alien spaceships.
No one knows what stonehenge does, Jade,
if it even does anything at all.
Hmmph!
Besides, what wrong hands are you talking about?
Evil organizations are not hiding behind
every cornerrrr!
Jackie?
Ner!
All, chanting: Ad nocendum potentes sumo!
Ex metu, vires...
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Uh, hello.
Uh, sorry to interrupt your function.
I will just find my way...
Thou knoweth too much.
Thou must be smoten.
(Gasp) Wait. I do not knoweth anything.
(All chanting in whispers)
Aah!
He seeketh to learn the mysteries of our fortress.
He hath spied the secret library!
Um, library? What library?
Uhh! Oh!
He hath discovered the hidden armory.
I'm just looking for an exit!
Aah! He has hath entered
the private water closet.
He is privy to our privy.
(Cell phone rings) Aah!
Hello?
Where did you go?
I've been looking all over.
Did you know this place has, like,
a million secret passages?
Aah! Aah!
Whoa. Who are they?
(Chanting in whispers)
I have no idea.
They must be some kind of secret society.
An ancient one, judging by the way they spoke.
Cool. Taking on these magical mystery men
almost makes up for missing out
on the stonehenge caper.
We're not taking on anybody.
These, uh, people, should also be handled
by the proper authorities.
Captain black? Jackie. How's england?
Dangerous.
I fell into a hidden fortress,
and men in robes attacked me with magic spel...
Don't! Oh, no.
The "m" word, Jackie.
My superiors already think I'm cracking up,
and they're istening-lay
to my onecalls-fay.
But...
Sounds like that went well.
(Scoffs) We'll probably never
see those wizards again, any... wha!
Yon knave telleth others of the magisters.
Magisters?
He knoweth our name.
He just said it!
(Chanting)
Aah!
(Chanting) Oh!
Go find the...
Proper authorities.
Help. Bad guys are attacking my uncle.
Come on!
Um, hello?
Hot! Hot! Hot!
What kind of proper authority are you?
(Groaning)
Jackie!
Uhh. Ee-yaa!
Tour guide: Right this way... I think.
I've only ever done stonehenge, you know,
and since it's gone missing,
I'm afraid I'm a bit fuzzy on the rest of england.
We must away,
lest more outsiders learneth of our existence.
Well, we know one thing about these guys.
They like tacky jewelry.
I don't suppose either one of you
knows the way to big Ben?
(Snoring)
Now all we do is fax it to uncle.
Maybe research is a bad idea.
If they are after us because of what we know,
do we really want to know more?
(Scoffs) They're hiding something, Jackie,
and we gotta find out what.
(Fax machine ringing)
Hello? (Fax transmission beeping)
Huh?!
Ee-yaa! Ee-yaa!
Tohru! The giant phone is possessed!
Jade: Transmission interrupted?
I do not think this is going to work.
Thou hast faxed our insignia.
It didn't go through.
(Chanting in whispers)
All: Aah! The light...
Whither didst they goeth?
Oh. Officer!
Right. What seems to be the problem, then?
Ok, this is gonna sound a little crazy,
but these robed magister guys are hunting us down and...
Say no more. You're safe now.
See, Jade? We just needed a little help
from the proper...
Authorities?
Thou knoweth too much.
(Both gasp)
(Car starts, idles)
Mayhaps we ought sojourn to someplace more private.
Uhh!
Jade, I told you to...
Oh. Aah!
Aah!
(Siren blaring)
Give us the key.
Jade. Please give us the key!
(Whistling)
(Policeman whistles)
Yon twain knoweth too much.
No, we don't.
These guys are everywhere.
Uhh-uhh-uhh!
Being handcuffed together is cool.
Unh! Unh!
Sometimes.
Halt!
Ye shalt be smoten posthaste.
This way. Aah! This way. Aah!
Ok. Ok.
Uhh! Uhh!
Forget stonehenge.
This adventure rules, Jackie!
We should leave before...
Methinks yon varlet wisheth to challenge us
in armed combat.
What?
No! I don't wisheth that at alleth.
Have at thee!
Jackie!
Aah!
(Creaking sound)
Ex metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
Ex metu, vires!
You don't say.
Aah! Unh!
Oh.
I know your magic words.
Ex metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
E x metu, vires! Ex metu, vires!
(Laughing)
Come on already!
Ye twain knoweth nothing of our magicks.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Smite them.
All: Ex metu, vires! Ex metu, vires...
Whoa!
Aah!
We have to get help before they find us again.
(Scoffs) From who?
We're fresh out of proper authorities.
Anybody here could be another magister.
Captain black has magic issues.
The only one who will help us is uncle,
and he can't even use a fax machine.
You're right. We are on our own,
so we had better find out exactly what they don't want us to know.
Let's hope they don't notice the missing robes.
Relax. This is probably the only place in england
where they aren't looking for us.
"The brotherhood of magisters
"was founded during the dark ages,
"when their magic inspired fear.
"But as science progressed, their magic was eclipsed
"by the wonders of technology,
and their power declined."
But what are they up to now?
Uh, Jackie?
The wizards stole stonehenge?
Told you it has magic powers.
Uncle? Uncle: Jackie?!
This machine is evil.
I am performing a cleansing spell.
More seaweed, tohru.
Uncle, please listen.
Evil wizards have stolen stonehenge,
and... (Gasps)
Jackie?
Let go!
Deny it no further.
Thou knoweth too much.
Well, duh. We do now.
And thou shalt pay for such knowledge
with thine lives.
Since ye twain dost knoweth too much already,
I shalt reveal unto thee what no man knoweth...
The true usage of stonehenge.
Uh, if you don't tell us,
will we still have to be smoten?
We magisters hath learnt yon stonehenge
to be a magical weapon of mass destruction.
(Scoffs)
And some people think it's a beacon
for signaling alien spaceships.
Ha ha ha.
Thou art ignorant and doomed.
Let the magicks begin.
With the power of stonehenge,
we shalt destroy thine major cities one by one.
Thine loathsome modern world
shalt plunge into a new dark age,
which we magisters shalt rule once more.
All, chanting: Ad nocendum potentes sumos...
The fiery blast we conjureth
shalt broil yon London town.
(Others chanting)
For somebody who likes his privacy,
this dude is such a blabbermouth.
Maybe I can... (Strained groan)
Break these... Chains.
And just in case you can't...
Hey, Jackie.
(Strained groan) Yes, Jade?
(Loud click)
Did I ever thank you for these?
Let them escapeth not.
Jackie: Get help.
Aah!
Unh.
Huh?
Aah!
Ok, let's try this one more time.
Uncle, evil wizards stole stonehenge and...
Jackie told me, so we did research.
Jade, the wizards are called magisters.
I know.
One more thing.
The society is very secretive.
I know. One more thing.
They use magic words to cast spells.
I know. One more thing.
Bad day. Bad day. Bad day.
Ach!
Ye doest more harm than good.
Thou.
Destroy yon knave by your hand.
Whoa!
Oh.
Oh! Uhh-unh.
Uncle, on phone: And begin a new dark age.
One more thing.
No. No more things.
I already know all that stuff.
The only thing I don't know is how to stop stonehenge
from leveling London and Jackie.
Why did you not say so?
Magic must defeat magic.
(Uncle chanting over phone)
Uncle?
I may not knoweth any magicks,
but I know uncle.
(Chanting)
He can understand sending a spell through the phone,
but not a piece of paper?
Oh! - Ow! - Ooh!
Yon spell must be finished.
Ex metu, vires! Unh!
London town be not destroyed?
Then what dost this stonehenge doeth?!
Put your hands in the air.
Whoa! Who are these guys?
The proper authorities?
With your testimony, Mr. chan,
interpol should be able to lock up these magisters
for some time.
I will tell you everything I know.
Well, Jade, your wish came true.
You helped solve the mystery of stonehenge.
Yeah, but I still wanna know
what it's supposed to do.
We may never know, Jade.
Hey, Jackie, how do you keep up with all your work?
I love movies. I love my work.
The things just keep coming, keep coming,
keep coming.
We have I don't know how many restaurants in China,
Hong Kong, in Japan.
I have a camera team. I have my stunt team.
I have been working on so many scripts.
4 movies. Dubbing and filming myself. Idea.
So many things. So many projects.
Yes, I'm sometimes tired, but I'm happy.