Uncle: Ha-cha! I see the mansion!
All the treasures of the entire estate
will soon be in my shop.
Uncle has made. The deal of the century.
This place is like Chinese transylvania!
Cool!
You have seen too many movies, Jade.
Jade? Jade?!
Boo!
Gah!
Heh heh. Hello, tohru.
Creep-o-rama.
Betcha it's crawling with mummies...
Or wolfmen... Or vampires!
Sorry, Jade, but monsters like that do not...
Aah! Wolfman!
Wolfman!
Jade, run!
Tch, from a rug?
You have come for the antiques, yes?
Oh, you should not sneak up on people like...
Greetings. Aah!
Don't do that!
I'm Mr. lam, executor of the estate.
My assistant will load the acquisitions onto your cart
while you render payment.
Not so fast!
I must first appraise the items.
I do not want my shop to be full of junk.
Then how'd it get so full of junk?
Be assured all the heirlooms
are of the finest quality.
Then you will not mind if I take time to examine them.
They have already been...
Not by me they haven't.
You have my word that...
Even so, I would... Just take them and...
I will do no such... please.
No. But...
No!
I will. Appraise everything,
or purchase nothing!
The customer's always right.
We will settle your account when you're satisfied.
Enjoy your stay in tsong tse manor.
Perhaps we should warn them.
Do not be foolish.
If they knew what was hidden among those relics,
they would never take it off our hands.
This mansion is a gold mine!
We must begin work at once.
Every last item is...
Spookyriffic.
Aah!
Can you believe we get to spend the night?
Yes, Jade.
And can you believe it is past your...
Bedtime! Aah!
We creatures of the night never sleep.
(Evil laughter, giggles)
Jade!
Gotta give Jackie one last scare before bed.
Perfect.
Jackie: You are not going to scare me, Jade!
So don't even try!
Jade?
This isn't a coffee table.
It's a coffin table!
Cool! But why would a coffin have a lock?
Jackie!
There's a vampire... aah!
I told you you would not scare me.
It was a real vampire, Jackie,
with fangs and claws, and it tried to grab me,
but I slammed the lid, and it's trapped inside the...
(gasps)
Vampire on the loose! We gotta get outta here.
Ok, aah. I am so scared.
Now will you go to bed?
Jackie, I'm totally serious. There's a real... aah!
There it goes!
But it was... Jade, please...
It's late, and... look!
It...
I'm sure this is very funny to you, Jade, but...
Jackie, look! He's right... please...
Jade! Just-
You said that last... no.
I've had enough.
But... No "buts."
Bed.
Jackie, uncle is ready to begin the appraisals.
(Growling)
Jackie?
Hello?
(Muffled noises)
Jackie?
(Growling)
(Gasps)
(Moaning)
You can't leave me alone!
Don't you ever watch scary movies?!
The beautiful girl is always the first to...
(thud)
I'm sure it was just a little thunder, Jade. Now...
Ohh.
The vampire got tohru!
Hmm. No. Jet lag got tohru.
Our flight was 18 hours long, Jade.
He is tired.
(Moaning)
Hello! Does this look like "tired" to you?!
How can uncle appraise with no helpers and so much yell...
(gasps)
Aiya!
Jackie, guard the door in case it returns.
"It"?
Hidden inside of an antique,
Mr. lam tried to trick us into taking it.
What is "it"?
A kiang chi.
A vampire.
Told ya.
Did a little monster put you up to this?
Chinese vampire drain chi...
Life energy from their prey,
making the vampire stronger
and turning their victims into servant.
Without any chi, tohru will soon transform
into a fiendish Minion of darkness!
We must perform a chi transfusion.
Transfusion? You want to put someone else's chi in tohru's body?
Tch, where are you gonna find someone
with that much extra... whoa!
You have abundant youthful energy...
Chi to spare.
It is the only way to prevent tohru from serving the undead.
(Chanting in Chinese)
Cool.
Are you sure it is not jet lag?
I have not seen this vamp... aah!
Aah!
Oh, thank you, tohru.
I just slam-dunked a chi-sucker.
I rule!
Go, tohru! Go, tohru! I'm the bomb!
Hmm. It appears the chi transfusion was successful.
Go, Jade! Go, Jade!
Lotta-chi girl saving tohru!
(Growling)
It can fly?
Not for long it... aw!
This is a Chinese vampire.
A wooden stick will not harm it.
Then how do we stop...
(growling)
Whoa!
Do not breathe.
The kiang chi is blind.
It can only find you if it smells your breath.
You are making this... (Gasps)
Gi-gi-gi...
Gi-ee!
Ah-choo!
Aah!
Unh!
(Gasps) No!
Jade!
Give it back, you chi-hog!
Whoa!
Unh!
So unfair.
Hurry uncle
uncle, you have to perform another transfusion.
(Moaning)
Jade cannot hold her breath.
The vampire will follow her and find us.
Then let's roll!
We will be safe on the other side of the river.
The kiang chi cannot cross running water.
Where are you getting these rules from?
(Chanting in Chinese)
(Chanting stops)
Cart surfing!
(Chanting)
Whoa!
Aah!
Oops.
(Chanting)
(Moaning) Huh?
The transfusion spell is com...
Hello! Duck!
(Moaning)
Uncle!
Hang on! We're almost...
There.
How are we gonna save uncle without uncle?
We must do research.
You've gotta be kidding me.
He's starting to go all fangy.
(Moaning)
Uncle is turning into the vampire's Minion.
Use my chi for the transfusion.
Ow!
I do not know such spells.
Jade has uncle's chi,
not his brains.
(Moaning)
Ok, he's, like, really freaking me out now.
Ha-cha! You found a spell?
No, but I know how to get our chi back from the vampire.
Later, we need. A transfusion spell now.
Uh, actually...
I think we just ran out of time.
I will vanquish you and feed your chi to my master.
Aiya!
He is a servant to the vampire.
Duh! Uncle,
we are your friends,
your family, and I know you do not want to harm...
Uncle, we will not fight you.
(Snarling) Aah! Unh!
Tch, like he's giving us a choice.
You must keep him busy while I learn how to subdue him.
My master will feast upon your chi.
Please, learn fast!
(Yelling)
Whoa! Oof!
Unh.
Ha-cha!
Remember books, uncle?
You love books.
Ha-cha!
As long as the parchment spell is in place,
uncle cannot move.
You are doomed!
Aah!
One more thing...
He can still talk.
You may have defeated the servant,
but you shall never defeat the master.
The glorious one will devour every last bit
of your delicious chi.
Shoulda put that paper over his mouth.
We must all reclaim our chi before sunrise,
or it will belong to the vampire forever.
You mean, I'd be stuck in Jade mode?
You would rather have uncle's chi?!
I cannot stop thinking about digestion!
Then my master will drink you dry.
Drink you... (Muffled)
How do we take back the chi?
Easy, we just hunt down count jerkula and...
No! Magic must defeat magic.
We must collect a toadstool from a graveyard,
place it inside the vampire's left sock,
and throw the sock into a river.
You're making this up.
You want to stop the kiang chi, yes?
Then do what Jade tells you!
One more thing...
We must hurry. The sunrise is in 13 minutes.
Come on, Jackie.
It's vampire butt-kick time.
This is too weird.
Quickly, Jackie.
We must find the toadstool
before the vampire finds us.
Boo!
Aah!
Heh heh.
Couldn't help myself.
It is my master who will help himself
to a heaping helping of your succulent chi.
Ha-cha! I have found a toadstool!
Now, we just have to find the...
Tohru, please stop playing.
Aah!
Jackie! The vampire!
Master!
I see you.
You can see?! You can talk?!
With so much chi to nourish me,
I have grown stronger.
I can withstand anything,
even the light of day.
(Grunting)
Huh?
Got it!
The other left sock, tohru.
Oops.
Excellent kick, o dark one.
Whoa!
Master! I have fallen...
And I cannot get up.
In moments, the collective chi will be mine for... huh?!
Heh heh. Nice shoe.
(Growling)
Jade may have uncle's chi,
but Jade is still Jade.
Boo!
Hyah!
(Chanting)
♪ We knocked your socks off ♪
(sniffing)
Eww!
(Sniffing) Master, is that your sock?
(Screaming)
Cool!
Who stuck special parchment to uncle's head?!
Um, maybe you should get out of the sun.
So everybody's chi is back where it belongs?
Thank you for the loan, Jade.
It was... Cool.
No problem, big t,
but I don't think uncle got all his chi back.
I have this monster craving for mung beans.
I am just glad this horrible trip is over.
Horrible?! What do you mean, "horrible"?!
Because of the kiang chi,
uncle bargained Mr. lam down to half price.
And he threw in a very nice table for no extra charge.
Hey, Jackie, why do you think it's so important
to be defensive rather than offensive?
On the bus, somebody come to grab you...
Bom! Always defense.
When they touch you, you just turn, turn.
You know, protect. Everything to protect.
It's better than fight somebody,
because for one small argument,
you hurt somebody. You never happy in your whole life.
So that's why in my movie, you can see there's a lot of protect things.
In the real life...
Defense better than...
To hit somebody. Remember. Yeah.