Hmm.
Peculiar little slice of americana.
Eh, stop!
You must not buy that mask.
Uh, please, uh... Buy this one instead.
That's not a mask.
Uh... Yes, it is. (Chuckles)
See? Unhh! Oh, boy.
Uh... Uhh!
If you want the mask, it'll be for sale
on my web site,
www. Alfiesantiqueauctions. Com.
You've been deleted, Alfie.
Whoa!
Jackie: I will take that.
Chan!
Crack his skull.
I will send you a check for this later. Thank you.
Screaming eagle feet!
Bwaa!
Yeeckk!
Crying puppy feet!
Aaahh!
Why... Won't... This... Come... Off?
(Grunting)
Uhh! Unhh!
(Gasps)
Aah!
Uhh! Ohh!
Baahh! Ohh!
Angry fist avenges feet!
Www.Alfiesantiqueauctions.Com?
Oh... Bad day.
Uncle: Www dot what? Dot who?
Ow!
Uncle sent you to find oni mask,
and you return with gibberish!
Jade: Hello?
It's not gibberish.
It's a site on the web!
Ohh, the mask has been taken by giant spider?!
The world wide web.
It's for sale. On the Internet. See?
(Uncle mumbles)
So many antiques... For sale?
Jade, why did you not tell uncle your waffle iron was magic?
Ooh! Here's the oni auction.
Chow: "Chantastic 4"?
You think?
Gentlemen, start your engines.
"Finnhalen"?
That could only be...
Aiyaa! Bid higher!
On it!
Oh, yeah?
Yeah!
Got it. Got it back!
We're in. They're out.
Hello! Good-bye.
Oh, no, you don't! Oh, yes, we do.
Aha!
And the winner is... And the winner is...
Filthyrich1?! Filthyrich1?
Who's filthyrich1?! Who's filthyrich1?!
Jackie: According to section 13 intelligence,
filthyrich1 lives in this apartment.
Whoever it is,
I am sure that once we explain the dangers of the mask,
they will beg us to take it away.
Tch, unless this filthyrich1 guy
decides he likes the idea of running his own ninja army.
Valmont?! Valmont?!
Go away.
Ohh!
You're filthyrich1?
But you're not rich...
Just filthy.
Jade: Roomy place you got here.
I may be broke,
but I still have my resources,
and I've caught wind of your little quest.
Once I have my oni mask in hand,
I shall control an army of shadowkhan thieves,
and the riches of the world will be mine!
(Imitates buzzer) Guess again, Mr. not-so-fancy-pants.
Believe me, valmont,
you do not want to wear that mask.
I will do what I please with the mask
that I purchased fair and square with stolen money.
(Knock on door)
Ahh, that must be the courier with my win.
Flying tiger kick!
Now, was that really necessary?
Ratso: Ooh, bigger than my apartment.
It's a palace.
Valmont?! Valmont?! Valmont?!
You're filthyrich1?
But you're not ri...
I am fully aware of the irony.
Enough talk!
Cobra strike!
Hello?!
The mask isn't even here yet! Duh!
Stay back.
Get out, all of you!
The mask is mine!
Gorilla flings its...
(knock on door)
The mask removal spell is ready. Huh?!
Tohru, no!
(Knock on door)
Valmont: Come in!
Delivery for Mr. val... aah!
Gotcha!
Hey!
Sorry, I can't let you have this! Thank you!
Dragon fist!
Got it, Jackie!
Uh, part of it.
Where is the other half?
Right where it belongs.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Ha ha ha!
Dude!
(Chuckles)
No way! Ha ha ha!
What? What are you simpletons laughing at?
Ha ha ha!
One side of your face is normal...
And the other's all... Demony!
Hee hee hee hee!
A broken mask won't work.
Will it?
He only has half his shadowkhan?
Maybe they'll only be half as dangerous?
On the contrary.
Half is more than enough to destroy you completely!
Aah! (Gasps) Whoa.
Yes, my shadowkhan, destroy them...
And seize the rest of my face.
Aah!
Whoa. They're pretty gnarly for half pints.
Tohru! The potion!
We must remove valmont's mask!
I have the potion.
Uhh!
Yes!
Whoa! Whoa!
(Gasps) No!
All: Whoa!
Heh. Least I didn't drop this.
We lost the truck!
Jackie: Can you make more potion?
The key ingredient is Japanese monkey tears,
and sensei àstill has the monkey.
I will meet you both back at the shop.
Aww...
Jade: Hey, Jackie!
Jade!
Where are we going?
To lock that up in section 13,
where valmont cannot get to it.
If his shadowkhan are this powerful
at half strength,
I do not want to see them whole.
Bwaa! Aah!
Aah! Aah! Ahh!
Sorry! We will just get out here! Thank you!
Jackie and Jade: Bad day, bad bay, bad day, bad day!
Bwaa! Aah!
Jackie!
Jade! Run!
Um, wish I could.
Maybe it's time to summon some backup.
Graah!
Kick their half-butts!
No fair! My ninjas don't have heads!
About face!
Charge!
Huh?
Jade?
Hey, Jackie.
(Gasps)
Foul! You hit his blind side! Whoa!
Jackie, we gotta go back.
My guys were just starting to get the upper hand!
Have you gone crazy?!
Why in the world did you put that thing on your face?!
Duh! To save us from valmont's shadowkhan.
Besides, now that it's attached, valmont can't take it.
Ohh! But who is going to save us from you?!
The mask is evil, Jade.
It is a matter of time before it turns you evil, too.
Tch, I can handle it.
One... it's only half the evil of a regular mask,
and 2...
The next time you call me crazy,
I shall devour your brains!
Heh heh. See your point.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello? Uncle: Jackie.
Uncle! Please tell me the new potion is ready.
No! Uncle cannot make more mask removal potion.
You can't?
Key ingredient is Japanese monkey tears.
But tohru said you still have the monkey!
Monkey, yes. Tears, no!
Japanese monkeys are not sentimental creatures.
They weep only once every 7 years!
Besides, uncle has no time to make potion.
Too busy selling antiques
with Jade's magic waffle iron.
Ahh, uncle could resell that ming vase at great profit.
Buy, tohru! Buy!
But, uncle, we need that potion!
Uncle: Then you must find the vial that you lost!
Higher, tohru! Bid higher!
Ohh. We have to find the delivery truck.
No problem, Jackie.
I'll just order my half-a-Khan
to chase it down and...
Feast upon the delicious gray matter
of the helpless mortal inside!
No! No evil feasting,
and I do not want you summoning the...
Won't have to. There goes our truck!
Stop!
So, you have failed to retrieve the rest of me.
Ratso: Ohh, I thought they'd never leave.
No matter.
I am still powerful enough to empty every bank vault
in the city.
Cha-ching.
Oh, yeah.
Now you're talking.
Wealth is insignificant!
I must become whole in order to be powerful enough
to bathe the earth in shadow!
Aww...
Yes, master!
What am I saying?
Money is everything to me.
No, power is what I crave.
Yes, because it can be used to acquire money.
Power. Money!
Power! Money!
Ok, big v.
I can tell you're a little conflicted here,
so let me just say money... good.
Yeah. We've been trying the world domination thing for a while,
and it's not working out too well.
Silence!
Whoa! Aah! Hey!
I do not want your opinions!
All I want...
Is the other half of my face!
Jade?
Only then shall I be complete!
I must be complete!
Jade, the evil within you
is growing stronger.
You must resist it until we can find the potion.
Well, we better find it fast,
'cause your brains are starting to smell awful yummy.
My other half is near. I sense it!
Could we please just steal something?
Look. There's a bank right over...
(Grunts)
Ooh!
Whoopsie-Daisy.
Ohh! Darkness awaits!
But... ohh!
Wait!
(Woof woof woof)
Graah!
Heh. Nice doggie.
No.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
It's for you.
Jade, we were in the middle of a big auction,
and then all the icons disappeared.
Jade: No problem, t.
Just click on the blinking supermoose in the corner and...
(demonic) Surrender your soul to the forces of darkness!
Uh, I will figure it out on my own.
Tohru! Where is auction?!
(Gasps)
My antiques have been swallowed by shadow!
He is stopping! Thank goodness!
Valmont, demonic: Surrender my face...
Or face obliteration!
Well, don't just stand there, chan!
Be a hero and get this thing off me!
My guys'll take him, Jackie.
Go nab the potion!
No, I cannot let you...
Do not question me!
(Growls)
(Gasps)
I've been looking for that!
Hey, you shouldn't be back here!
Neither should you!
Brains!
Aah!
Whoa!
My other half, why must we fight?
Uh, maybe 'cause you're evil?!
Indeed. We are allies in darkness.
We must join forces.
No, we mustn't!
I'm all right with it,
as long as your forces join on her face.
Shadowkhan, unite!
Jade, I have the...
Jackie!
Help!
Shadowkhan, attack!
Bad day, bad day, bad day!
No!
Ahh, the remedy to my affliction.
At last, I shall be complete!
Tch. A complete loser!
Valmont, lather up!
Right, then!
And a-one, and a-two, grab and pull!
(Mask snarling)
No!
Whoa! Whoa!
Huh? Jade!
Got it! Half of it.
Uh, hello? Want the rest?
I will sell it to you...
For half price?
Diamonds?
Take the mask!
I'm rich!
Whaa!
Adios, valmont.
(Cell phone rings)
Tech support.
Er, Jade, I will have to buy you a new computer.
I'm afraid sensei à has crashed this one.
Tch, crashes are a cinch to fix.
Just hit the reset button and...
Uh, no, I mean he has crashed it...
Onto the floor.
Aiyaa!
Uncle's antique auctions have vanished!
Magic waffle iron is forged from dark magic!
It is evil! Evil! Evil!
Hey, Jackie, when did you start training in martial arts?
I... training martial art when I was 6 1/2.
10 years Southern style.
Then after that, I learned northern style,
then after that, I learned so many different style
like hapkido, tae Kwon do, judo,
uh, karate, and so many things.
Then later on, I find out everything's the same.
The whole thing is "martial arts,"
but just the title different. Yeah.