You there! Laundry's that way!
Hyah!
Uhh!
Fine work, team.
No one can stop the Chang gang...
Not even the j-team!
The coast is clear.
Move quickly, tohru.
Jade must not find out captain black is assembling the j-team
or she will hatch another kooky... Jade: Jackie!
I've hatched a mondo plan
to take down the j-team's arch-Nemesis
Bartholomew Chang.
Tell you all about it on the way to section 13... awp!
The only plan, Jade, is for you to stay here with uncle.
Grrr! Jackie never listens!
Doesn't he realize I'm not only a member
but the brains behind the j-team?
Who is up for mah jong and mung beans? (Tiles clacking)
Maybe I can spell it out for Jackie...
With a little help from uncle's magic.
While in prison, Chang managed to recruit an elite team,
each possessing skills matching your own...
An anti j-team, if you will.
Knock-offs are never as good as the originals.
Don't be so sure, viper.
Meet master thief Philip crain.
He's pulled heists on several international museums...
The louvre, guggenheim, uffizi, Tate.
I hit each of those back when I was a thief.
Not on the same day.
Oh!
El toro, meet your criminal counterpart...
Bob "the bopper" hathcock,
pro-wrestling champ gone renegade.
His trademark move... Bopper's bash.
(Stupefied) Bopper's bash.
(Covering) I mean, everyone knows American wrestling is fake.
Black: Tohru, say hello to Helga sorensen.
She held the world's strongest woman title
before throwing it away for a career of crime.
How strong could a woman be?
Here's Helga lifting the world's strongest man.
Uhh!
(Gulps)
And my dance partner would be?
"Little" Tony chun. don't be fooled by the glasses.
He's the most feared martial artist on China's most-wanted list.
Heh heh! Guess he's not as cuddly as he looks.
Hmm... Lookee here. A seniority spell.
"Gives it conjurer. Authority over any subject."
That means the j-team will finally listen to me!
I'll be their leader!
(Chanting)
So, unc, what would you say if I commanded you
to let me go to section 13 with Jackie?
Uncle would say, go right ahead...
Seniority rules.
If you want to make uncle angrier than rabid goat!
Jade?
(Gasps)
Paco.
Oh, no, no, no, Jade.
The meeting is for the j-team only.
Then, good thing I brought my membership card.
Chang has one weakness...
He will no doubt attempt to reacquire his fortune in Jade.
(Telephone rings)
Black here.
Bingo. Museum of natural history.
(Chanting)
Ok, j-team, follow me!
Jade, stay with paco!
Grrr! Lousy spell!
Ha ha ha ha! Ah, green!
The color of Jade!
Really, Chang, you should consider taking up a legal pastime.
Collecting baseball cards? Snow globes, maybe?
Warriors, attack!
Uhh! Rarrr!
No. I will take the bopper.
Uhh! Uhh!
Grrr!
Pretty boy's mine.
Uh, I cannot fight a woman.
This woman will make you scream like little girl.
Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh!
Ha ha ha! Jolly good.
Where'd you pick up that accent... spies "r" us?
The same place I picked up this little gem.
Uhh!
You are quick!
You mean, for a chubby guy?
No, no, no! Not what I meant!
(Chuckles) It would seem the j-team
has finally met its match.
Uhh... huhh!
I'll hang your mask on my mantle!
El toro fuerte never removes his mask!
Uhh! Uhh!
Grrr!
Ooh! Aah!
Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh!
I told you, I do not fight women.
Heeyah!
Oof!
You're not the only one with the toys, handsome.
Ooh!
Now, he is chubby.
Ehh! Uhh!
(All groaning)
That smarts.
Grrr!
Chang!
Uhh!
Ohh!
You've been made by Jade...
Er, brains behind the j-team, not the stone.
Jackie: Jade.
What? You said, stay with paco.
Como estas?
The results speak for themselves, Jackie!
Spell or no spell, the j-team needs to start including me!
Uh... Spell?
Uh, what spell?
What's it matter? Didn't work.
(Gasps) Jade!
Huh?! Huh?!
Or maybe it just took time to kick in,
because I forgot the garlic! Duh!
(All gasp)
This can't be good.
Oh, bad day!
Oh, boy.
Mommy.
(J-tots gasp)
El toro à es El nio?
This is so not the type of seniority spell I had in mind.
Ha ha ha ha! The mighty j-team,
victims of their own foolish magic!
Now, if you brats don't mind...
Go find a busy street to play in
while the grown-ups steal a fortune in Jade.
Jade!
I know! I am so grounded.
No! Kids against grown-ups!
Rrarr!
Waah! Aah!
(Soft punching)
Hyah!
Uhh! Ehh!
(Grunting)
Hyah!
Jalisco hairpull!
(Efforts)
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Acapulco ankle-lock!
(Efforts)
(The bopper chuckles)
(El toro sputters)
(Grunts and groans)
Uh... Friends?
I will break you.
(Crying)
(Wails) Ohh!
Heee... heee... heee...
(singsong) "V" my name is viper,
my boyfriend's name is Van,
he lives in Venezuela,
sends me violets when he can!
Looks like it's up to me to stop Chang.
Heee-yup!
Ooh!
(Grunting) Hey, watch it!
(Efforting)
Ta-ta, j-tots!
El toro, what should we do?
Not so fast, paco.
I'm the biggest, so that means I'm in charge!
And I say, let's see what uncle thinks we should do.
Heh heh!
(Laughter and chatter)
Sensei, sensei, look what Jade did to us!
Tattletale.
Aiyaaa! What have you done to us, Jade?
Whoa. Well, let's see.
I've turned Jackie into a rough-houser,
tohru into a crybaby,
viper into a... blecch! Girly-girl,
and El toro into... (Sniffs)
Sorry.
Pee-yew! Paco, maybe you should change your hero.
El toro fuerte never removes his pants!
Hmm. It would seem Jade's spell
has left our adult minds intact,
but made us victim to childlike impulses!
(Giggles) Uncle said, "butt!"
Jackie, this is no time to be childish!
Jade is right! We must act our real ages!
We must find the stolen Jade
and return it to safety!
We must stop Mr. poopy-head!
Nuh-uh, Jackie. You're too young to stop Chang.
And I'm too young to be an adult!
Uncle, you have to do something!
Luckily, uncle possesses ancient fortune-teller
which will reveal remedy to situation.
Pick color.
Uh, blue.
B-l-u-e.
Ooh, fortune teller reveals...
You have big crush on Jade.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Giggling)
♪ Jade and paco sittin' in a tree ♪
Ok, children, you leave aunt Jade no choice...
It's naptime!
No siesta!
I'm not tired.
(Yawns)
First one asleep gets a cookie when they wake up.
Uh-uh. Not you, paco.
I cannot win the cookie?
Uncle, listen.
If you don't find a reversal spell
to return the j-team to normal fast,
the world's greatest crime fighting team is kaput!
Oh, oh! Any leads on Chang?
Intelligence indicates Chang owns a cargo ship
docked at port 17.
No doubt he'll try and move the stolen goods out of the country.
Not with the j-team waiting.
Jackie, you sound all... Chipmunky.
Captain black, is the section 13 mainframe running?
Uh... Of course.
Then why don't you catch it!
(Laughter)
Let's move!
But Jade said we're not allowed to stop... You know...
Mr. poopy-head?
Well, Jade did not say we couldn't stop...
Mr. doody-face.
Just what I like to hear... Nothing.
Huh?!
"Dear Jade, how are you? I am fine.
"We went to port 17 to stop Chang.
"When I get back, let's have a tea party?
Best friends forever. Viper?!"
Unh! They pulled a Jade.
I better pull a Jackie before it's too late.
♪ I have ants in my pants, and I must dance ♪
Uncle, do your homework
or... No dessert!
Paco, make sure he finds that spell.
We can't let them steal all the pretty Jade.
(Gulp) But we're no match for them.
You are El pollo.
(Imitating chicken)
No. Tohru may be a crybaby,
but he is right.
(Whimpering)
We need to hatch a plan.
A really mondo plan!
And final ingredient...
Garlic.
Then this will turn the j-team back to normal?
No...
But it will make you donkey boy! Ha ha ha ha!
Quickly now,
load the Jade onto the ship
so we can...
(horn honks)
Move your leg.
You're stepping on the brake.
Oh, oh, tun left now. Now right!
Have we lost them?
Uhh... unh!
So, you want to play?
Make the j-tots wish they were never born.
(All gasp)
Jade: Back off, you bullies!
Hyah!
Look out! It's a siamese flesh-eating lizard!
Aah!
Oop, don't forget...
(Chanting rapidly)
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Yes! Garlic's the charm.
Warriors, attack!
(All yelling)
Ok, Jackie, care to explain the helium voice
and the crank calls?
Paco?
Que pasa, seor b lack?
Hot cha!
Whoa, Nellie!
Never mind donkey boy.
Uncle has devised reversal spell.
Paco: You must take it to the j-team.
Seor u ncle is too young to drive.
But first we must stop for ice cream!
Now?
You want uncle to cast reversal spell
on j-team? Yes?
Then you will stop à for ice cream!
Huh! Huh!
Sorry, Chang, I only pick on villains my own size.
Then the kid gloves are off.
Whoa! Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
Let's dance, pipsqueak!
Hyah! Hyah!
Rrrrrrr... Rrrrrrr...
Unh! Ow! Unh! Ow!
(Both crying)
Tag! You're it!
Hey, we're not playing tag.
Then how about peek-a-boo?!
Patty cake, Patty cake, Baker's man,
bake me a cake like Jackie chan!
Bopper's bash!
Puebla poo-plex.
(Sniffs)
Eww... Stinkies!
No fair!
Wedginator!
Ooh! Ok, ok!
Uncle!
That is my name. Do not wear it out.
Pbbbbbbbt!
(Chanting rapidly)
Yay!
Ahem. Ahem.
Uh, many thanks, sensei.
Good work, j-team.
You will need a note from your parents
to get this back.
Rrrrrrr!
Yeah. You are so grounded!
Chang is not the only one
who is grounded, Jade.
I know you are, but what am I?
Hey, Jackie, what's your favorite museum in the world?
There's only 2 museums I really remember.
One is in Paris. There's so many art.
I see Mona Lisa.
But there's one museum, very interesting.
The Egypt, uh... Museum.
A lot of mummies.
A lot of different interesting things.
Really, totally different than Paris museum.