Jackie: And that is ursa major,
more commonly referred to as "the big dipper."
Jade: Incoming!
(Jade burps)
Jackie: Ohh, Jade!
(Tohru giggles)
Jackie: Please, tohru, do not encourage her.
(Jade burps) (Tohru stifles giggles)
Uncle: Ai yah!
Jade's belly breezes not important.
Alignment of stars reveal that now
is very good time for very bad chi.
(Explosion)
Drago: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
No prison can hold the son of shendu.
Captain black: Give it up, drago.
You're not going anywhere...
And neither is your dragon daddy.
Drago: Now who said anything about busting out that old gecko?
I'm going solo.
Men: Aaah! Get away!
(Jackie gasps)
Jackie: Drago has black pinned down.
I need to create a diversion.
Jade: Yo, hothead!
Remember me?
There are no "get out of jail free" cards
as long as j-girl's still got game.
Black: Drago!
Jade: Told ya.
Jackie: Jade!
Drago: Hello, payback.
Jackie: Jade!
Jade: You Tarzan, me Jade.
(Agents screaming)
(Drago growls)
Drago: Mess with a dragon,
you're gonna get burned!
Jackie: If drago does not want to help shendu,
then what does he want?
Jade: Hello! Freedom!
Tohru: Perhaps the answer lies
in the alignment of the "bad chi" stars.
Uncle: Stars, yes,
but also in uncle's bookshelf.
Come, tohru, we must do research!
Black: I have agents combing the bay area.
Drago won't get far.
Jade: That overgrown handbag doesn't stand a chance!
So, cb, what's my assignment?
Jackie: The only assignments
you will be getting today are at school.
Jade: Ohhh!
(Kids burping)
(Jade burps loud and long)
Kids: All right!
Ms. hardman: Ahem.
Jade: Heh heh. Pardon me?
Black: Looks like t-Rex Jr.'s catching a catnap.
Jackie: I believe he is in a trance.
(Cell phone rings)
(Drago growls)
Black: Jackie.
(Ring)
Jackie: Hold, please. Aaah!
(Phone rings)
Jackie: Hello?
Yes, Ms. hardman, this is Jade's uncle.
Chow: Ready?
Finn: Let's do it.
Finn: Closing time. Everybody out.
(Children groaning)
Man: don't forget to wash your hands.
Woman: Let's go, honey. It's time to go home.
Second man: don't give me that.
Finn: Eww! I hate my job.
Ratso: Wanna switch?
Chow: Come on! Show's over. Amscray! Get outta here!
Drago: I am drago, the son of shendu!
Serve me well now and be at my side
when I rule the world.
Chow: Uh, sorry, kid,
but your old man kinda burned us.
Ratso: Yeah. And I got the scars to prove it.
Drago: You're turning me down?
Finn: Look, all that world domination stuff
just don't pay the rent.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Whaaah!
Drago: Who's next?
Chow: Hey, money isn't everything.
Drago: Agreed.
Now it's time for your makeovers.
Chow: Makeovers?
Ratso: But I have sensitive skin.
All: Yeoww! Aaaah!
Finn: Smokin'!
(Puffs)
Chow: Sweet.
Ratso: Hey, I can make grilled cheese sandwiches whenever I want!
Finn: So, what should we steal first?
Chow: Cash? Ratso: Jewels?
Drago: A fan.
Ratso: Oh, boy.
Jade: But what about freedom of expression?
This is America, you know.
Jackie: Jade, this has nothing to do with free speech
and everything to do with self-control.
Promise me, no more burping.
Jade: Fine.
I'll just explode from all the built-up gas
before I'm 16.
(Truck brakes screech)
Black: Drago's been spotted.
Jackie: Jade, stay here.
Jade: Seriously... Jackie: Aaah!
Jade: don't you ever get tired of saying that?
Drago: The fan's here somewhere.
I can feel it.
Clear the place out.
Finn: Thought you'd never ask.
(People screaming)
Finn: Stee-rike!
I see a bus pass in your future.
Unhh!
Black: And I see prison stripes in yours.
Jade: No way!
The enforcers are now drago's fire flunkies?
Chow: Jackie chan!
Long time, no rumble.
Jackie: I will draw their fire.
You run back to captain black's truck.
Jade: But Jackie...
Jackie: And no arguments.
(Jade groans)
Chow: Come out, come out wherever you are.
Jackie: Hyah!
Chow: Aaah!
Ratso: Yeowww!
Black: Claws up, drago.
Drago: With pleasure.
Black: Aaah! Uhh!
Jackie: Unhh!
Jade: Hello! Uncle Jackie?
Drago: Say good-bye, Jade.
(Jade gasps)
Jade: Whoa!
Black: I'll grab Jade. You find drago.
(Air vent whooshes)
Drago: The fan of the immortals.
(Doorbell rings)
Drago: Unhh!
(Drago exhales)
Drago: Looks like we'll have to do this
the old-fashioned way.
Black: You boys need to cool off.
Chow: Aaah! Ratso: Whoa!
Finn: Get ready to fry, small fry.
Finn: (Groans) Whoaaah!
Oof!
Jade: May I also interest you in new car scent?
Jade: Hyaaah!
Drago: Unhh!
Black: You two all right?
(Rumbling)
(Drago grunts)
Drago: (Groans)
Get the fan!
Chow: ♪ ah ha ha-ha! ♪
Jackie: All of this for a fan?
Uncle: Not a fan.
The fan of the immortals.
Dragon teeny-bopper wants to absorb
its powerful wind demon chi.
Jackie: But uncle,
we already defeated the other 7 demons.
Ow! Ow!
Uncle: Clean wax out of ears.
Uncle said "demon chi,"
not demons themselves.
Tohru, explain research.
Tohru: Thousands of years ago...
An immortal warrior used a magical fan
to defeat xiao fung, the wind demon.
But traces of the wind demon's power
are rumored to have clung to the fan throughout the centuries,
until...
Jackie: They were again activated
by the alignment of the "bad chi" stars
uncle discovered last night.
Jade: So drago busted out of section 13
in order to double up on demon powers,
fire and wind.
Uncle: By stealing fan of the immortals.
Why did you let demon take immortal fan?!
Jackie: Ohh... Bad day, bad day, bad day.
Finn: This dump is home sweet home?
Drago: This is useless!
The wind demon chi has already been drained from it.
Chow: And that's a bad thing, right?
All: Yeeowww!
Finn: Uh, we're gonna let you have
a little alone time now.
Jade: Come on!
Let's get outta here and stomp those fire thugs!
Uncle: Do not rush uncle!
Demon chi removal spell very tricky.
Jade, make yourself useful.
Get ancient Tome à of warts and toads
from bookcase.
(Stomach grumbles)
(Burps)
Jade: Aaaaaah!
(Crash)
Jackie: Jade?
(Jade whistling)
Ms. hardman: And early sailing ships
were also affected by the doldrums.
(Children giggle)
Ms. hardman: The doldrums are an area of low pressure
with almost no wind at all.
(Children laughing)
(Jade burps loudly)
Ms. hardman: That's it, young lady!
I am sending you straight to the...
Nurse's office.
Uncle: Uncle almost finished with wind demon chi removal spell.
One more thing...
Why has drago not yet used wind demon powers?
(Cell phone rings)
Jackie: Hello?
Yes, this is Jade's uncle.
Oh.
I will be right there.
The school says Jade is not feeling well.
I wonder if it has anything to do
with all those sodas she drinks?
Chow: This guy's worse than his old man.
Ratso: But he looks so peaceful.
Finn: Yeah. So do cobras,
right before they strike.
Drago: Raaah!
We're going to school.
(School bell rings)
(Children laugh and shout)
Jade: So I'm a little gassy today.
Blame the cafeteria burritos.
Aaah!
Jade: What's wrong with me?!
(Door creaks open)
Drago: You're short, green,
and a real pain in the butt.
So stick out your chi
and say "aaah."
Jade: I'm warning you...
I don't feel so...
(stomach rumbles)
(Through rushing wind) Good!
All: Aaah! Unhh!
(Shudders)
Jackie: Jade?
Jade: Uncle Jackie!
(Jackie gasps)
Jackie: What's happened to you? Jade: What happened to me?
Jackie: Jade, tell me you've been fooling around
with uncle's spells.
Jade: No, I swear!
I just looked up and bam! Toad girl!
Jackie: It's all right. Uncle will know what to do.
Jade: But what if I'm a gross-out forever?
Just sitting around, eating flies,
waiting to croak.
Jackie: Time to leave before your demon prince arrives.
Drago: I'm gonna need to see your hall pass.
Jackie: Pardon us, coming through! Got to run!
(Drago groans)
Drago: Do something!
Jackie: Aah!
Hop on!
Sorry.
Aah! Aah aah! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Hot! Hot!
Drago: Cut off their exit!
(Jackie sighs in relief)
Jade: How did this happen to me?
Jackie: You must have absorbed the wind demon chi
from the immortal fan at the car wash.
Jade: Me? The wind demon chi?
So, why am I running?
Jackie: Jade, the longer the demon chi remains inside you,
the harder it will be for uncle to remove.
Uncle: Hello, uncles antiques.
Jackie: Uncle, drago and the enforcers
are at Jade's school and... yaah!
Uncle: Jackie? Jackie?!
Drago: Sorry, your minutes have expired.
And now, so will you.
Jade: Fire! (Strong burp)
Drago: Aaah!
Jade: Excuse me... Not!
(Jackie coughs)
Jackie: Uh, I could use a little fresh air.
Jade: Heh heh. Follow me.
(Flames sizzling)
Finn: Keep chan busy.
Jackie: Jade, run!
Uh, hop... whatever!
Finn: Drago wants the wind demon chi.
Jade: Isn't he enough of a blowhard already?
(Burps, wind rushing)
Finn: That is rank!
Aaaah!
Finn and chow: Unhh!
Jade: Hmm, it's not so bad being green.
Ratso: Yeah?
Unhh!
Jade: Yes! (Gasps)
Uncle Jackie!
Drago: Today's lesson...
Never stand downwind from a wind demon.
Jade: (Grunts) Get your claws off me!
Jackie: Hyah!
Jade: Hey, I'm me!
Jackie: But if you're back to normal,
that means...
Drago: You're all toast!
(Tohru and uncle chanting spell)
Drago: No!
Uncle and tohru: Whoa!
Jackie: Uncle!
Drago still has his fire demon chi!
Uncle: Removal spell was for wind demon chi
not fire demon chi.
Pay attention!
Finn: Uh, little help here, boss.
Drago: Weak and worthless.
You're fired!
All: Aaaaah!
Ratso: Uh, anybody going by the petting zoo?
Drago: This isn't over.
Jade: Oh, yeah? Then why are you running away?
Uncle: Because drago knows 6 other demons
were defeated by immortal warriors in ancient times.
Tohru: Which means 6 more immortal relics
will have traces of demon chi on them...
Jackie: And drago will be seeking them all.
Jade: So we'll just have to find them first.
Uncle: Or entire world
will be under drago's claw.
Jade: Hey, Jackie, in your own words, what is chi?
Jackie chan: Everything is about chi.
It's about...(Exhales)
You're doing this kind of...
(whooping)