Jackie chan: Thank you for allowing me to ride with you.
The museum asked that I help ensure
that the golden squid is unloaded safely.
Driver: Hey, I appreciate the company.
You wouldn't believe how dull this job is.
(Helicopter approaching)
Driver: Wh-what do I do?!
Do... do I pull over?!
Jackie: No! Keep driving! Radio the police!
Jackie: Oof!
Jackie: Waa!
Mu-ahh! Hah!
Unh! Whoa!
(Weapon sputtering)
Jackie: High heat and rubber soles
make for a sticky situation.
Thieves: Huh? (Crunching)
Jackie: When we arrive at the police station,
you will be... wha?!
Capt. Black: Just got word about the attempted hijacking, Jackie.
Jackie: Captain black? But how...
Capt. Black: You know section 13 monitors all police transmissions.
Can you I.D. The perps?
Jackie: Well, at first I suspected the enforcers,
but they were sent to prison last month.
Capt. Black: And released 3 days ago.
Court ordered them to serve out the rest of their sentences
doing community service.
Jackie: If they are back to their old ways,
the community does not need that kind of service.
Capt. Black: Enforcers can't be reincarcerated
without proof of criminal activity,
but you catch 'em red-handed
and I'll see to it that they're put away for a long, long time.
Jackie: Jade, what are you doing?
Those clothes are being donated to charity,
and that is your buttercup scout uniform.
Jade chan: I know. I quit the buttercups.
Jackie: Wha? Why?
Jade: Quilt-making, cookie-selling, hello?
If I wanted to be bored out of my gourd,
I could just hang here with you and uncle.
Uncle chan: You want excitement,
sweep up shop.
Jackie: Ohh! But scouting provides a valuable experience, Jade.
You mustn't quit.
Jade: So who said anything about quitting scouting?
I joined the dragon scouts.
Jackie: But the dragon scouts are all boys.
Jade: Were.
Welcome to the new millennium
where girls are hot and boys are not.
I am dragon. Hear me roar!
The dragons are meeting tonight at my school, uncle Jackie.
Jackie: Jade, what did you do?
Jackie: Uh, friends of yours?
Jade: Nope. Something about them seems...
Familiar, though.
You gotta turn that in at the principal's office.
Jackie: Fine. I will see you in the hallway
after your meeting.
(Banging)
Finn: Come on, come on.
Ratso: Not you.
Jackie: You failed to hijack the antiquities,
so now you're robbing school lockers?
Chow: What's he talkin' about?
Jackie: May I have a look?
Finn: Last time I checked, you ain't the hall monitor,
so take a hike, chan.
Jackie: Perhaps you have something to hide.
Chow: Perhaps you don't hear so good.
Jackie: I do not want to fight you...
At school.
Finn: Too bad, 'cause here comes today's lesson.
Jackie: Ow!
Dragon leader: What in Sam hill
is going on here?!
Finn: Uh...
Bucket turned over.
Dragon leader: Looks more like horseplay,
and horseplay undermines discipline.
A fine example you're setting
for your boy, Mr. Finn.
Jackie: Boy? You have a boy?
Finn: My nephew.
Chow: Mine, too.
Ratso: My sister's kid, visitin' for the Summer.
Frank: Frank.
Charley: Charley.
Rocko: Uh, rocko.
Dragon leader: All right, dragons,
store your gear, on the double.
Jackie: Why were you breaking in to that locker?
Finn: We weren't, Mr. nosy.
We're doin' community service here.
Part of the deal for gettin' out of the joint early.
Jackie: Oh! Oh, you are janitors.
Chow: Hey! Custodial engineers.
Finn: Ot-nay in front of the ephews-nay.
Finn: Look, chan, whole reason we want the kids to be scouts
is to learn good values.
Ratso: So they don't end up bums, like us.
Rocko: Ha ha ha! You're funny, uncle ratso.
Charley: Yeah, seein' how you guys own,
like, the biggest import-export business
on the west coast.
Chow: Heh. Yeah, well, you know,
we ain't ones to brag.
Jackie: Who would've guessed that the enforcers
would have such nice nephews?
Jade: Nice? Jackie!
Those three have "crooked" written all over 'em!
But don't worry. I'm all over it.
I'll be your eyes and ears,
find out what they're cookin' up.
Jackie: Jade, we must not prejudge.
Sometimes the apple falls far from the tree.
Jade: And hits the ground and turns rotten.
Jade: Gotta go with my gut on this one.
Something about those nephews isn't right,
and I'll prove it.
Just need a little backup.
Capt. Black: Jade?
Jade: Hello, old friend!
Cock-a-doodle how-do-you do?
(Jackie yawns)
Jackie: Jade? Where are you heading?
Jade: Dragon scouts meeting, Jackie.
Going for my first merit badge.
Jackie: Oh. So, what will you be doing?
Some sort of arts and crafts project?
Jade: Crafts? Get real, Jackie.
Dragon leader promised it'd be something in the wild.
Probably an intense survival program in the jungle
surrounded by bloodthirsty creatures!
Gotta be kidding me.
This is what he calls being "in the wild"?
Dragon leader: All right, dragon scouts,
your first merit badge will be in nature studies,
and today we'll be bird-watching.
Jade: Bird-watching?
Dragon leader: Present dragon scopes,
front and center.
Dragon leader: Outstanding.
You have 60 minutes.
Notate all sightings in your logbooks.
I will be spot-checking,
and the zoo area is off limits! Fall out!
Jade: Ice cream heist at 10 o'clock.
Frank: You got a problem?
We're tryin' to bird-watch here.
Charley: Yeah. We been scopin' out a pigeon.
Rocko: Pretty pigeon.
Jade: Not on my watch.
Frank: Oh, I get it.
She can't cut it solo,
so she's tryin' to tag along.
Jade: As if!
Charley: She's a wannabe, same as her uncle.
Jade: Uh, reality check?
My uncle's a wannabe?
Charley: Uh, yeah.
We got the 411 how your unc is bunk.
Rocko: Ha ha ha! Unc is bunk. Ha ha ha!
Charley: He can't even hold down a job.
Frank: Heh heh heh. Wishes he was big-time
like our uncles.
Charley: Which is why he's always followin' them around.
Nephews: Loser!
Jade: Hey, the only reason Jackie's always tailing your uncles
is because they're low-life crooks.
Rocko: Take it back!
Jade: Bring it on, tiny.
Rocko: Whoa... unh!
Jade: Who's the l-word now?
Frank: Uh, Jade,
a little advice...
Jade: What's that supposed to... hey!
Nephews: 3-way keep-away! Ha ha ha!
Jade: You just bought yourselves a world of hurt!
Give that back!
(Jade sniffs)
Jade: Ohh! Yuck.
Serious stank.
(Bear growls)
Jade: Got it. Your pad, my bad.
Jade: Ohh!
(Bear roars)
Jade: Bad day, bad day, bad day!
Frank: Oh, man, we gotta help her!
Charley: How?
Rocko: Uh, I got nothin'.
Frank: That jump was freaky.
Charley: Freaky on a stick.
How do you get that kind of hang time?
Jade: Um, aerobics?
Rocko: Ha ha. She was pretty gutsy with that Bear.
Not like before, when she's all,
(high-pitched voice) "I want my cap back."
Charley, high-pitched voice: I want my cap back! Give me my cap back!
Frank: Please, oh, please!
Nephews: Ha ha ha!
Jade: You are so asking to get your butts kicked.
Dragon leader: Dragon scout Jade!
You disobeyed a direct dragon order
to stay clear of the zoo,
and now I see you displaying aggressive behavior
towards your fellow scouts.
Frank: Yeah. Dragon scout Jade
definitely needs an attitude adjustment.
Charley: Oh, she's a bad egg.
Rocko: I like eggs... Over easy.
Jade: But they...
Dragon leader: No merit badge.
Jade: Ohh!
Finn: Well, what do you know?
Don't you ever get tired of tailing us, chan?
Jackie: Uh, actually, yes,
but that is not why I am here.
I guess the dragon leader called you in, too.
My niece and your nephews, fighting.
Ratso: We came to pick up our uniforms.
Jackie: Uniform?
Dragon leader: Volunteering to be dragon daddies.
Outstanding.
No wonder your nephews are such fine young men.
On the other hand...
Fall in behind me, Mr. chan.
We need to discuss Jade's behavior.
Chow: Heh. If you need some parenting tips, chan,
I'm here for ya.
Enforcers: Ha ha ha!
Jackie: And the dragon leader warned me,
any more of this type of behavior,
you will be kicked out.
So, please,
behave yourself on this weekend's dragon adventure.
Jade: We're having a dragon adventure?
It's gonna be something cool!
Extreme go-kart racing?
Mountain climbing?
Jackie: The museum.
Jade: I quit the buttercups for this?
Jackie: The museum has just opened its far east exhibit.
I do not like this one bit.
Jade: You and me both. Bor-ing!
Jackie: I suspect the golden squid
is the reason the enforcers
volunteered to be dragon daddies.
Jade: I get it.
A dragon adventure,
the perfect cover for a heist.
Jackie: Perhaps, which is why I am coming along.
Jade: Good thinking.
I'll keep an eye. On frank, Rocco, and Charley
while you... You're a dragon daddy?!
Jackie: Yes... ohh!
And you are levitating!
You have the rooster talisman!
Jade: Well... heh heh. I...
Please, uncle Jackie, let me take it to the museum.
If the enforcers try to pull anything...
Uncle: Eye-yah! Magic is not to be trifled with!
Jackie: Hand over the talisman, ja... ow!
Uncle: As long as you are up there,
clean cobwebs from ceiling.
Curator: Welcome, dragon scouts.
You are about to see the finest collection of far east antiquities
ever assembled in the northern hemisphere,
and the centerpiece of our collection
is the exquisite. 3,000year-old golden squid.
Priceless.
Finn: Priceless is my favorite number.
Frank: Sweet.
Charley: Boo-bama.
Rocko: Pretty.
Jade: don't even think about it.
Jackie: Why are you leaving your group?
Finn: Potty break, ok?
Jackie: All three at the same time?
Dragon scouts, gasping: Hey! What's going on?!
Dragon leader: As you were, dragons.
Remain calm.
Curator: Just a power outage.
(Generator hums)
Dragon scouts, gasping: Huh? What happened? What?
Jackie: What has happened?!
Curator: The golden squid...
It's been stolen!
The culprits may still be on the premises.
Evacuate the children!
Jackie: I agree.
Dragon leader: All right, dragons,
single file in double time. Move out!
Jackie: Stop!
Jackie: I have caught you red-handed with...
Toilet paper?
Ratso: We're runnin' low at home.
Chow: Whatcha gonna do,
call the potty patrol?
Jackie: But if you didn't steal the golden squid,
then who?
Jade: Yes!
I am good.
Frank: Oh, that's my locker!
Charley: Back away, or you're gonna pay!
Jade: You three are so busted.
Frank: Heh heh heh. Pretty lame, Jade.
You swiped that thing and planted it in my locker.
Jade: Ooh, good cover story.
Not! What kind of criminals are you?
Man: Oh, they're not criminals...
But we are.
Jade: It's the museum curator!
Charley: Ohh, didn't see that coming.
Frank: Inside job.
Rocko: Yeah!
Inside where?
Curator: Heh heh heh.
I'll take that.
Jade: Guess again.
Jade to frank!
Frank: Frank to rocko!
Finn: Uhh! Hey, watch the hair!
Community service stinks.
Chow: No kidding. - I make holes. He fills holes.
Finn: Boys, I think our ship just came in.
Chow: Hey, he's got the golden squid!
Finn: I stand corrected.
Community service does have its rewards.
Curator: Ohh!
Finn: Mm-wah.
Gentlemen, the only street we're gonna be working
from now on is easy street.
Ratso: Ohh! Why can't we ever win?
Jackie: Heh heh heh. I came to apologize
for falsely accusing you of stealing the...
Jackie: The golden squid!
You did steal it!
Finn: Not exactly, but it's ours now.
Ratso: Got it off the real thief fair and square.
Jackie: It is museum property.
Jackie: Whoa!
Oof! Bad day!
Bad day! Bad day!
Jackie: Think of it this way.
You have not lost a statue,
you have become a statue.
Finn: Um, chan, please,
uh, don't tell the kids about this.
Chow: Yeah. - It'd break their hearts.
Ratso: They think we're, you know...
Jackie: Successful import-exporters?
I will spare them the truth.
Finn: Thanks. Who knows?
Maybe someday we can redeem ourselves,
become the upstanding, law-abiding citizens
they think we are.
Finn: Nah.
Chow and ratso: No way. I don't think so.
Finn: Scary thought.
Ratso: Be laughin' if I could breathe.
Capt. Black: The curator and his lackeys
are in custody, Jackie.
Turns out he's a con artist named Michael Diaz.
Has a rap sheet long as my arm.
Finn: Yeah, so, we're gonna take a ride with,
uh, our associate Mr. black to the airport.
Ratso: Gonna be goin' away for a while...
Chow: To the far east.
Big business deal brewin'.
Sorry, kids.
That's the, uh, import-export business for ya.
Frank: We'll come visit again next Summer.
Finn: Terrific. We should be out...
Er, uh, back by then.
Frank: Take it easy, uncle Finn.
Charley: Ciao, uncle chow.
Rocko: Later, uncle ratso. Thanks for everything.
Nephews: Bye, now! See ya soon!
Jackie: I do not encourage lying, Jade,
but there is no need to tell the young men
that their uncles are going to prison.
Jade: Hey, uncle Jackie,
better not let the dragon leader
catch you out of uniform.
Nephews and Jade: 4-way keep-away! Ha ha ha!
Jackie: Give me that back.
This is not funny!
It is very disrespectful!
Jane: Hey Jackie, do you have any bad jobs before you became an actor?
Jackie: After the 10 years in a martial arts school,
I went to Australia.
I do a construction worker,
clean the, uh, building...
Cement...
Paint the wall...
At night, I doing, uh,
kitchen, uh,
learn how to cook.
Um, I don't think it's a bad job.
If I'm continue to learn this,
I'm becoming like a professional.
There's no bad job.