(Music playing)
Uncle: The flute of the immortals.
Uncle: Within it lies the chi of the sky demon hsi wu.
Jade: Who else is up for a spin?
Jackie: Jade! What are you doing here?
Jade: Like I'm gonna come all the way down to Australia
and not ride a kangaroo? Tch!
Uncle: Yu mo gue guai à fi de ziao...
Yu mo gue guai à fi de... yeow!
Jackie: Drago! Uncle, hurry!
Uncle: Aiyaaa! Nephew has ants in pants.
Magic cannot be rushed.
(Chanting faster)
Jade: Hyah!
Both: Whoa!
(Screaming)
Drago: Time to throw this shrimp on the Barbie.
Jade: Definitely not a g'day.
Jackie: Jade!
Jade: Whoooaaa!
Jackie: Whoa! Unh! Aah!
Uncle: Jackie!
Must stop drago from extracting sky demon chi!
Jade: Oh, man, I'm gonna hurl!
Jackie: Hang on tight, Jade!
Unh!
Drago: Aah! Unh!
(Uncle chanting)
Jade: We came, we saw, we kicked demon butt!
(Tires screech)
Uncle: Hmm. Tohru, put steering wheel back where it belongs.
Drago: Unh!
Drago: Chan!
Jade: Hey, since we're still on Australian time,
technically it's tomorrow and I've already been to school.
Jackie: Ha ha ha. "A" for effort, but "f" for logic.
Now go to bed. You have your big field trip tomorrow.
Jade: Ohhh!
Uncle: Aiya! Sky demon chi did not transfer into containment tank.
Jackie: Do you need help?
Uncle: Yes, very important. Write down.
Mung bean, bulb of garlic,
essence of sea salt, with mustard, on wheat.
Jackie: These ingredients will repair the chi-o-matic?
Uncle: No! Ingredients for sandwich.
You fix uncle snack, uncle will fix chi-o-matic.
Jade: Lunch, check. Permission slip, check.
Jackie: Jade, it is a long bus ride.
Take something to occupy yourself.
Jade: Boredom buster, check-o-matic.
Ms. hardman: And the windsor mansion is not only a national landmark,
it's on the national registry of homes
as a perfect example of 19th century architecture.
Now, I expect you all to be on your very best behavior.
Drew: I know this girl, who has this friend,
who has this cousin, who went there with his family
and his sister saw a really freaky ghost.
Jade: As if! Everybody knows there are no such things as ghosts.
But demons? They're real, big time!
And this little baby here can suck up demon chi like nobody's business!
Ms. hardman: Jade!
I will not have you disrupting this field trip
with any of your silly "forces of darkness" stories,
and no electronic games during school hours.
Jade: But, Ms. hardman, it's not a game. It's...
Ms. hardman: No "buts," young lady.
You've just earned the class a 2-page report
on the historical significance of the windsor mansion.
All: Aw, man! I can't believe that! Thanks a lot, Jade!
Ms. hardman: Or would you care to make it 3 pages?
Jade: Hey, it's not my fault Ms. hartless has it in for all of us.
She loves torturing kids. Why do you think she became a teacher?
(Bus driving over gravel)
Drago: The sky demon chi. I'm back in business!
Uncle: Jackie!
Uncle: Chi-o-matic is missing!
Both: Jade!
(Thunder)
Drew: Whoa! Total creepfest.
Jade: Please. Tourist trap.
All: Aaah!
Guide: Windsor mansion was built in 1857 by Gladys windsor...
But is now quite famous for its more "spirited" guests.
(Slam)
Drew: Aah!
Jade: That's a big goose egg on the goosebump meter.
Ms. hardman: Jade! One more negative comment and...
(gasps)
Drew: Whoa! Definitely haunted!
Guide: You may not believe what you're about to see next.
This way... To the basement.
Ms. hardman: Oh, these shoes!
I guess that's the price you pay for high fashion.
Ms. hardman: Oh, dear, someone's missing.
Jade.
Guide: Prepare yourselves...
(Gasping)
Guide: For the most complete antique doorknob collection
west of the Mississippi!
Girl: Aww, that's it?!
Ms. hardman: Everyone remain here with Mr. Freedman.
I'll be right back.
Guide: Well, now, who knows the difference
between a doorknob and a door pull?
Anyone? Hands?
Jade: Duh, pre-recorded ghosts.
Jade: Player piano. I knew it!
I've been in libraries scarier than this tourist trap.
Jade: Aah!
(Jade screams)
Ms. hardman: Jade?
Drago: Oh, did I scare you?
Jade: Yeah, but looks aren't everything!
Drago: I want the sky demon chi!
It's here!
I can smell it!
Ms. hardman: Jade!
Jade: Ms. hardman?
(Screeches)
Drago: The sky demon chi?!
Ms. hardman: Oh, my! What's... what's happened to me?
Jade: Claws for hands? Demon wings?
Evil twinkle in the eye?
Something tells me uncle never emptied the chi-o-matic.
That's 2 demons against one chan. I'm outta here!
Ms. hardman: Jade! Come back here!
Drago: Raah!
Guide: And that, students, is the fascinating history
of the doorknob in 19th century America.
Now, if you'll follow me to the gift shop...
(Slams)
(Nervous laugh) Well, that's strange.
The door. Appears to be stuck.
Drew: I knew it! We're ghost chow!
(Screaming)
Guide: Aaah!
Children: Help!
Help! I want to get out of here! Mommy!
(Screeches)
(Claws scratching)
Jade: Oh, - this is all my fault!
I turned my teacher into a drooling demon
at an all-you-can-eat student buffet!
Don't worry, guys. I got your back.
Yo, Ms. hartless!
Ms. hardman: Jade?
Jade: You want fresh meat?
Well, here's some prime "grade j"!
Come and get it!
Ms. hardman: Come back here, young lady!
(Panting)
Jade: Definitely not a special effect.
Aah!
Ms. hardman, don't eat me!
I didn't even shower this morning!
Uncle: Teacher eat students?
School has changed since uncle was a boy.
Jade: Uncle Jackie! Ms. hardman took the chi-o-matic on the bus
and must have zapped herself with the sky demon chi,
and now she wants to eat me and the rest of the class who are trapped in the basement!
(Gasps) Oh, and drago's here and the house is really spook central.
Jackie: Uh, Jade, calm down.
I am sure Ms. hardman does not wish to harm you.
Jade: Oh, yeah, she just loves kids! Medium rare.
Tohru: Uh, did you say haunted?
Jade: So, what's the plan?
Jackie: You go to the bus with uncle while he fixes the chi-o-matic.
And you will stay there until we sort this whole thing out.
Jade: No way!
Jackie: Yes way!
I will see that drago does no harm to Ms. hardman.
(Tohru groans)
Uncle: (Sighs) Good as new!
Now, Jade, stay on bus...
Jade?
Tohru: There are no such things as ghosts.
There are no such things as ghosts.
Aaah!
Jackie: Aah! Oh, this is why I prefer carpeting!
Jade: Aah!
Jackie: Jade, I told you to stay on the bus!
Jade: What's your point?
(Ms. hardman screeches)
Ms. hardman: What do you want?
Drago: What do you think, lady?!
You just sprouted wings out of thin air?
You have my sky demon chi and I want it back!
(Loud thud)
(Ms. hardman screeches)
Drago: Yeow!
Ms. hardman: Maybe next time you'll remember the magic word.
Jackie: Leave her alone!
Drago: Back off, chan!
Uncle: Aiya!
Jade: Keep away from me, birdbrain! Aah!
Jackie: Jade!
Jade: Uncle Jackie!
Uncle: Uh-oh.
Aiyaaaa!
(Roars)
Uncle: Bear should go into permanent hibernation!
Jackie: Aah!
Ha ha! Happy birthday?
Drago: Aaah!
Jackie: Uh, uncle? This place... Explain.
Uncle: Double dose of demon chi has awakened angry spirits in house.
Jackie: We must find Jade.
(Children yelling)
Tohru: Ooh!
(Children yelling)
Tohru: Ohh... A laundry chute.
(Grunting)
I'm coming to get you!
(Tohru grunting)
(Screaming)
Tohru: Unh! Hello.
Guide: Ohhh...
(Ms. hardman humming)
Jade: Heh, you must be working up quite an appetite.
Why don't I just hop out and dig you up some juicy jumbo-size worms?
Ms. hardman: You're not going anywhere.
Jade: Ms. hardman, don't hurt me!
Ms. hardman: Hurt you?! Oh, my goodness!
Jade chan, what an imagination you have!
I brought you up here to protect you from that awful lizard boy.
(Uncle panting)
Uncle: Fancy mansion needs elevator!
(Panting)
(Rumbling)
Guide: Aaah! Aaah!
(Guide whimpering)
Ms. hardman: (Laughs) And to think I used to be afraid to fly.
Jade: So you don't hate kids? You don't hate... Me?
Ms. hardman: Oh, Jade, I adore children.
Why else would I be a teacher?
Drago: I'm back!
Both: Aah!
Ms. hardman: Stay here! I know exactly how to deal with an unruly student.
Jade: Ms. hardman, no!
Drago: Teacher's got a pet. How cute.
Jade: Hey, scaly!
(Growling)
Jade: Ms. hardman!
Jade: No!
(Panting)
Jackie: Jade!
Jackie: Aah!
(Eerie moan)
Jade: Aaaah!
Jackie: Aah! Oof!
Jackie: Come and get me, drago.
Drago: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ms. hardman: Class dismissed!
Drago: Aah!
Ms. hardman: Huh. Well, this certainly has been
more exciting than grading papers.
Jade: I think it's about time we get you back to normal.
Ms. hardman: Oh, but I was considering flying south for the winter.
Jade: Ms. hardman, the class can't lose you.
You're everyone's favorite teacher.
Ms. hardman: I am?
Ms. hardman: (Sighs) I'm ready.
(Uncle chanting)
Jade: So everything was just bogus special effects.
Drew: Ha! Knew it!
Ms. hardman: But II'm certain I had wings
and I saved Jade. I was a hero!
Jackie: Uh, Ms. hardman, I am afraid the mansion
has a way of playing tricks with people's minds.
Ms. hardman: But, Jade, you did tell me
I was everyone's favorite teacher, isn't that right?
Class, follow me!
Uncle: With the demon chi gone, spirits have returned to rest.
Tohru: I was never really scared, sensei.
Tohru: Uncle?
Jade: Have you ever dressed up for a costume party or Halloween?
Jackie: When I'm very young,
yes, I do wear a cowboy costume,
but when I get in the film business, never.
Why? Because every day I'm on the set,
dressed as different people.
I'm dressed like an old man, young man, girl, old lady,
uh, magician, vampire... I dress everything already.